Chapter Text
It’s ironic.
You were always the big spoon. So it makes sense that you were the one to hold onto him. He was always letting you hold onto him. He never reached out and held onto you. But he was a big idol, a worldwide icon. He couldn’t be caught with you. You were a loose end. Dangerous to his reputation. He cared more for his family of a group and his career than a silly relationship with you. So it makes sense that you had to be the one to let go. (He would’ve been content to have you there until he found someone he wanted to hold onto. That could never be you. You were the big spoon and he never held you even in the day. You were the big spoon, but he made you feel little.)
So you held on until you could see he was begging to be let go. He never said anything, but his eyes gave him away. And for yourself, you let him go. No use treasuring someone who would never treasure you back, to put effort into someone who didn’t put any effort into keeping you there.
Loving him was exhausting. Utterly, completely, horribly exhausting.
You don’t even think he noticed you were gone. Slowly, you began to pack your things, starting bringing your clothes and other things left behind back home with you when you left his dorms. And finally, when you let yourself take your last spoon with him, you left him in the morning. You let go. And you had never felt lighter.
It took Jeon Jeongguk 7 days to realize you had left him for good.
It wasn’t that he never cared for you. He loved you. He told you that all the time — at least he thinks he did. He was just busy. His schedule was constantly full — from practices, to writing new songs, to more practice, to photo shoots, to meetings, interviews, traveling, occasional world tours, communicating with fans, hanging out with his other idol friends, video games — being an idol was absolutely exhausting.
Having to keep everything private was even harder. He liked to have his privacy, hated the cameras flashing and following and all the noise they made. So maybe that was why he never paid too much attention to you. Maybe that’s why he forgot about who you were to him. Because it took him a week to realize he hadn’t seen you since that last morning. A week to realize he hadn’t been hugged from behind when he was sleeping. A week to realize why his bed had been so cold when waking up. What’s worse is that it probably would’ve gone on for longer. He probably would not have noticed had one of his hyungs not pointed it out.
The sunlight came beaming through the window.
Huh, Jeongguk absentmindedly thought, you're usually really good about closing the blinds before going to sleep.
He groaned and threw the blankets over his head. He would jokingly chide you about it later. He shivered before drawing the blankets tighter around him.
Jeongguk startled at the sound of his door opening. Namjoon walked in, notebook in his hands, and rambled about some lyric. He stopped mid-sentence looking up before staring at Jeongguk.
“Where’s y/n?” Namjoon asked.
He looked over to your side of the bed. It was empty. “I-I don’t know.” He answered honestly.
“Okay... I’ll just text her then. Go back to sleep Gguk-ah.”
--
Hours later, Jeongguk made his way downstairs. His group-mates were scattered around their kitchen and living room eating breakfast before their schedule for the day officially began. He poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table.
“Hey JK, why hasn’t y/n been around? I haven’t seen her the last few mornings” Taehyung asked.
“Yah, did you guys get into a fight or something?” Seokjin joked.
Jeongguk furrowed his brows. Why can’t he pinpoint the last time you guys talked? He didn't remember fighting. He didn't remember much at all.
“I don’t think so...”
“What do you mean 'I don’t think so?' Do you not know where your girlfriend has been for the last week?”
The boys all looked at him. His face turned pink, and he grew frustrated with the interrogation.
He remembers waking up to your movement as you untangle him from your arms. He remembers feeling you brush his hair away from his forehead. But you didn’t kiss him like you always do in the morning. You get out of bed and he opens his eyes. He remembers seeing you get dressed, looking in the mirror and not at him.
“Leaving so soon?” He asked, voice groggy from sleep.
“I’ll be leaving you now Jeongguk-ah. I think it’s time we went separate ways. I just, I’m letting you go and living my life. I hope you know how much I love you.” You go out with one last look before heading towards his door.
“Wait-“ he said. You turned around, a jokingly hopeful glint in your eyes. “No goodbye kiss?”
You smiled kind of sadly. He didn’t remember it before. “Not this time. Goodbye, Jeongguk.”
And you closed the door.
And it hit Jeongguk just then that he did not know where you were or where you’ve been or that he hasn’t heard from you. No texts. No calls. No messages. No snapchats or cute videos on Instagram and Twitter. Silence. He understood now why he’s been waking up cold.
His eyes widened, almost comically. “I think she broke up with me.”
You can't say that your relationship with Jeongguk was a bad one. There truly were times where it felt like you were the only one in his universe. There were things he confided only with you. There were intimacies only you two shared. Almost crazy to say, but he was the one who chased after you.
You pushed him away for so long, adamant that you two could never work out, wary of his idol life, of how this would take a toll on him. But he broke down your walls, pulled each brick down, touched your heart.
So maybe that was why it still hurt so damn much. When he stopped trying to be that person for you, when he didn't look at you that way anymore, you knew this was the best choice. Yet, how do you just let go after three years together?
You stopped expecting to hear from him after a week of silence.
No calls. No texts. Nothing from the members either. Either they didn’t know or...
You do your best to keep your mind from completing the hurtful thought, but it follows anyway.
Maybe they just didn’t care, any of them. Not at all.
In the course of their star-ridden lives, you were, after all, insignificant.