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It’s not a request, but a plea.
Stay.
He hears her, and she knows it. While pretending that he was doing no such thing, he squeezes her hand in silent acknowledgement. Morgana smiles, and Estinien realizes that it’s the first time he’s truly seen her smile since the vault. It’s a beautiful thing, he thinks. Everything about her is beautiful, he realizes. From the smile on her face, to the way she laughs as she jumps from high places and cliffs, to how focused she looks in combat. It’s freeing to watch her, how she lives her life without a care in the damned world of what others think of her. She was the warrior of light, eikon-slayer, feared warrior--but she was Morgana Archeron, a woman with a free spirit and love that she gifted to anyone and everyone, regardless of whether or not they were worthy.
Stay.
Morgana lounges back in the chair next to his bed, still not letting go of his hand. Estinien makes no effort to shake it off, so they remain like that, even as she slowly dozes off, her head drooping to the side, horns bumping against the chair. She’s exhausted from looking after him. While she would rather die than admit it, she was fussing about during his recovery. Her doting was worse than that of Alphinaud’s, because she was also pretending that she was doing no such thing , much like how Estinien pretended that he hadn’t extended out his hand toward her, a silent plea for her to take it.
Stay.
In a matter of hours, she would be joining Aymeric in announcing their return to the Eorzean alliance. She hated being the center of attention, but she would brave the crowds and glances to support Aymeric. They made quite a pair, he thought. The Speaker of the House of Lords, and the Savior of Ishgard.
Estinien could see the way Aymeric looked at her, the warmth in his gaze, the way his touch lingered a second too long, dreading the moment that he would have to part from her. He could see, because it was what he felt. Estinien was just better at hiding it. The armor of the Azure Dragoon was able to conceal most of his face, making it difficult for anyone to pick up on his emotions. The exception, naturally, came in the form of Alphinaud, who seemed to read Estinien’s emotions like a book. Though very annoying at times, he had to admit that part of him felt happy to be seen. Especially since the little lordling had grown on him.
Gratefully, Alphinaud made no comment that he was aware, and especially did not tell Morgana. The woman herself was oblivious to any and all emotions directed toward her.
It was for the better. What could Estinien offer her? Nidhogg had changed him, and he had no title, no mantle. Everything he had owned was never truly his, everything he once had lost in the blink of an eye. Aymeric could care for her, could treat her the way she deserved to be. He could love her with nothing to hold him back. Estinien was not meant for softness and affection the way Aymeric was, and perhaps he could be the one to fill the hole in her heart left by Haurchefant’s death.
Please, Estinien.
She’s fierce but small, and fits so easily into his arms. She did not stir as Estinien rose from the bed and gathered his things, did not move as he set her down on the bed with a foreign gentleness, draping a blanket on her to keep her warm. Seeing her look so vulnerable brought him back to the night he found her on the top of the vault, gazing up at the stars. She looked so broken then...the fierce warrior was gone, and in it’s place was a being who was hurting, grieving--who's entire world was shattered and tossed on it's head, but continued on because she did not want others to worry.
Even as she was falling apart on the inside, she continued to be that guiding star, the hope that Ishgard needed.
Estinien carried her in his arms that night as well, bringing her worn out form back to house Fortemps, refusing to leave her side until she ate and went to rest. She fussed of course, but complied when Estinien joined her, sitting at her bed side and listening to her ramble off an old story that was near and dear to her heart. When she finally dozed off, he meant to leave. Yet for a few brief moments he allowed himself to watch her as she slept. He told himself that it was to make sure that she actually slept and wasn’t just pretending...but he knew that he was lying to himself. That he stayed because he steal every moment that he could at her side.
Today, he stole those same few moments to watch her again. Her breathing was calm, and she looked to be at peace. A sight so rare, a sight that he knew she trusted little with.
If he could not have her...to be able to stay by her side someday, to have her friendship and her companionship would be enough. In the days to come, with what he had to do, he would remember this moment. Her smiling expression...and the gentle look on her face as she slept; he would keep it locked away, a treasured memory to guide his path.
When Estinien left it was through the front door, shutting it silently behind him. Part of him still felt that the auri woman would awake at a moment’s notice and chase him down--most likely attempt to tackle him to the ground, despite the fact that he was still supposed to be recovering, and that she was half his size.
He knew what he had to do, but his footsteps felt heavy with each step he took farther from her. They would meet again someday, for Estinien felt as though somehow, his path was intertwined with that of the scions.
Hopefully by then, Estinien would have long buried his emotions, and be rid of the ache in his chest.
When Morgana awakes, she is in a bed that she does not recall falling asleep in.
Glancing around she realized that she was still in the infirmary--and that she was placed in the bed that Estinien was resting in, the former nowhere to be seen.
Stay.
She had asked him that, but could tell that Estinien saw between those words, saw the truth that she had laid bare. Her heart was a complicated mess at the moment, and perhaps it was selfish of her, but Morgana wanted the companion who had seen her at her lowest and pulled her back from the brink of despair to simply stay.
Estinien had her demons, of that she knew. She had her own, after all, and would never judge nor fault him for his. But after all that he had done for her...she had hoped that he would let her in a little bit. To allow her to share the burden, to take some weight off his shoulders.
Yet she knew him better than that. The former Azure Dragoon had his own goals, his own path. Who was she to demand that he abandon it, simply to stay by her side?
She was selfish, yes. And because she was selfish...she felt a small pang of bitterness inside her, an ache at being left behind.
Her attention was diverted when she heard commotion outside the window. It was nearly time...and she was expected to be there. A moment too late and Alphinaud would most likely come looking for her. After the vault, he had become protective-- overprotective , but she appreciated the thought. She had been recovering, slowly but surely.
Shaking off those thoughts for the time being, Morgana rose from the bed and made her way toward the door. She was tired, in many ways, but there was work to be done.
For those we can yet save.
Repeating those words like a mantra, Morgana calmed her thoughts and went out to meet the day: to endure and survive, as she always did.
She prayed to herself that wherever Estinien was, he was doing the same.