Chapter Text
Eddie Diaz stares at the comatose Evan "Buck" Buckley, face peaceful, but the rest of his body not so much. He doesn't know how they got here, but his son isn't talking to him, Carla just shakes her head at him, and his former co-workers slash family are too angry to deal with Eddie.
He squeezes an uninjured part of Buck and steps back out to Bobby, Hen and Ravi, Athena on her phone, when Maddie and Chimney exit the elevator. Eddie feels a surge of anger, only to feel immediate guilt. He was the last one to leave and it only tipped Buck over the edge.
"What the hell happened to my brother while I was gone?" Maddie demands, when Taylor speaks up.
"It's because of…"
Three months before
December 2021
"I'm leaving the 118," Eddie says, staring at his friends. Ravi doesn't find it all surprising but Hen is dumbfounded and Buck is devastated, before a mask replaces his emotions. It's absolutely jarring to see the change, and Eddie falters a bit before he watches Buck doing a parade turn and walk out of the party, stopping briefly to talk to Christopher and just leaves.
"Yeah, I should have expected that," Hen mutters, before looking at her phone. "He wasn't feeling the Christmas cheer before today, and well congratulations Eddie, you knocked the Christmas spirit out of me too."
Hen shakes her head, walking over to Denny and Christopher, a smile plastered on her face. Eddie notices his son is confused at the display, while Eddie is just left with Ravi. The two of them don't say anything before Ravi speaks up. "If you expected anything different after everything that has happened, then you really don't see the big picture. Merry Christmas, Diaz."
Eddie is left standing alone, when his son's face falls, noticing more of this extended family leaving. He is left wondering if the decision to leave the one place that made him feel at home is the right one, but he has to do it for Christopher. He has no idea what he is going to do now, Bobby offered him a chance at an administrative position at headquarters, and since he's not injured, he doesn't get a chance at Arson or Fire Marshal like Buck was offered.
The former army medic also needs to keep whatever insurance he has for Christopher and a steady paycheck, even if the clerk position is lower pay. He can do it, find another job maybe since he still has Carla. He tries to enjoy himself when Taylor comes up to him concerned.
"Did you see where Buck went, I didn't give him his Christmas… Eddie, is everything ok?" she asks, concerned.
"Uh, yeah. I think Buck left, he wasn't feeling well." Eddie lies, when the reporter narrows her eyes. "No, he was excited about this, to spend time with his family, what he has left of it and Christopher. But he's not here, so what did you do?"
"What makes you think I did anything?" Eddie replies defensively.
"I'll find out, Diaz. Or did you forget I'm Buck's girlfriend, and one of the only people he talks to now? Since you conveniently forgot he's your best friend." Taylor replies sharply. "He talked to you, then he left, so yes whatever you said made him leave."
"Can't say," Eddie lies, when she huffs, heading over to ask Bobby when Hen looks at him, then away again. She hugs Athena and Bobby, watching their confused faces when she leaves with Denny. Christopher looks more down now, when Bobby sidles up to him, trying to cheer him up.
"You know, when you said you were thinking about not being a firefighter, I thought you would decide to talk to your son, not alienate everyone who loves him," Carla says, behind him. "You just couldn't wait to tell everyone but your son."
"Carla, come on, I had to. Christopher is having nightmares and panic attacks because he's worried about me!" Eddie turns to her, seeing her arms crossed.
"And taking him away from the only family he's known here? How is that helping that poor boy?" Carla snarks right back. "You don't even have a back up plan for a job, Eddie. What about insurance or money for Christopher's school? Or are you just thinking about the next step and not the big picture?"
"I have to do this for my son." Eddie replies firmly, when she just scoffs.
"I'll still be around, Eddie, but go to your son, because now with everyone leaving, he's sad." Carla says, walking ahead of him, putting on a smile for his son.
Harry has noticed Chris's shift in mood and is trying to entice the younger boy to play. Athena finally notices Eddie and narrows her eyes. Bobby must have told her and nothing passes by Sergeant Grant.
He still stood firmly in his decision, paperwork needing to be signed and him to write his resignation letter. Eddie has no idea how long his separation will take and he still has to talk to Christopher about it. And Buck… and Hen….
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Buck should have known that everything was too good to be true, Taylor, Christmas, his position in Eddie and Christopher's lives. You're stuck with us.
Right. Christopher always comes first, even if it isn't what the kid wants his father to do. Eddie always said Buck made the impulsive decisions but it was only two days ago that they were talking about Christopher and his nightmares.
Buck knew the kid was scared about his dad dying, but he didn't want to assure Chris about being taken care of without Eddie's permission. Plus he had Taylor and Buck has maybe seen his favorite Diaz once or twice every two weeks since the blackout.
Eddie says he likes to fix situations for people, well too bad he won't fix this one. Maddie left first, then Chimney and Jee and now Eddie. What's the point in trying to get people to stay when they just leave him eventually?
Everything Eddie has said to him in the past year just disappears, so he lets him into his apartment, not bothering to answer his phone even if it was Maddie. It's like Red all over again, and maybe Taylor will actually stay. Not that she wants to deal with this version of Buck.
He changes into sweatpants, and climbs under the covers, prepared to sleep the rest of the day away. Buck zones out, possibly falls asleep and doesn't hear Taylor come in. He doesn't hear her go "Oh God, what the fuck did Diaz do?"
Instead of leaving, she changes and climbs into bed with him.
At least one person hasn't left yet.
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Eddie arrives at work, after consoling his distraught son that Buck still loved him, even though he couldn't even get him to answer the phone. Carla even tried, and it just went to voicemail.
He decided he and Christopher needed to have a talk so he sat him down on the couch. "Christopher, I know you've been worried about me, and the risks I take at work. So I decided that I'm not going to be a firefighter anymore. I can find something else to do."
Christopher sits there for a moment, "Ok."
Eddie is thrown by the one word answer. "Are you sure it's ok?"
His kid shrugs, sniffling. "This Christmas was supposed to be perfect, and Buck couldn't even be there."
"Oh, Christopher. Buck does love you very much, and me not working with him won't change that." Eddie says, silently questioning that, judging by the silent treatment he's gotten from not only Buck but Hen also.
"I.." Chris trails off, unsure about what to say. "Fine."
He wiggles his way off the sofa, throwing a hateful look at the Christmas tree and walks to his room, leaving Eddie dumbfounded. Wasn't this what his son wanted? His dad safe?
After that conversation, his usually lively son was down and sad, not really talking to Eddie. He even tried to entice him with Abuela and Pepa, who noticed the change.
"I told him I wasn't going to be a firefighter anymore," He says, dropping him before his shift. Bobby has said that the brass hadn't signed off on a transfer on the clerical position, so he might have to wait on that. He could still leave but his insurance for both him and Christopher would be terminated. Eddie couldn't risk being months without insurance so he agrees to stay on, but as a paramedic.
"Eddito, did you even speak to mi nieto about what he wants you to do?" Abuela asks, her voice soft.
"He told me he's scared I'm going to die, what am I supposed to do? I didn't hand in my resignation but I'm applying for a transfer to a more administrative position. If this is what makes my son not worry about me, then so be it!" Eddie whispers harshly. "I can't quit because of the insurance. I'm trying to do what's best for my son."
"What about what's best for you, Edmundo?" Abuela replies right back, before giving him the sign of the cross, and kissing his cheek. "Mi angel, why don't we start baking…"
Suddenly he's at work, and it's awkward. Hen nods at him, while Buck looks like someone ran over him with a truck, eyes sunken and skin pale. The blonde is robotic in his movements, not even looking at Eddie.
"Hey Buck, do you think we can talk later?" Eddie asks, not even getting a response from his best friend.
"What's there to talk about? You made your decision. Everyone leaves, why not you too?" Buck replies, before striding out of the locker room, leaving Eddie speechless. Bobby is cooking as usual, but everyone is surprised to see him still there. Hen and Buck shun him at the table, Hen trying to whisper to Buck who just stares blankly at her.
Bobby serves breakfast, giving Buck his favorite foods and not sitting down. "Eddie, my office." Bobby says brusquely. Eddie looks forlornly at his plate, before following Bobby to his office.
He shuts the door and sits in the chair, while Bobby sits down and sighs. "You have two options here. The clerical position doesn't open until February. You sit and wait it out, hoping you can get the position or you can just leave altogether. If you choose to return, you'll have to requalify and possibly go through the academy again. This isn't you coming back after you were shot or Buck's light duty. This is your choice."
Eddie is thrown. He thought that he could transfer out of the 118 to a safer position in the department, only to find out he can't for at least a month. If he leaves altogether, then he has to job hunt which is difficult enough, especially without a college degree and enormous competition. "I haven't given you a resignation letter yet…"
"Again it's up to you, Eddie. Your name is on the list for the position at headquarters, but arson and fire marshal are out of the question." Bobby looks tired, much different than two days ago. "I can't say that staying here will be any better."
"I'll live, Cap. I need to get something lined up, Carla made me see that." Eddie says, looking around the office. He had chosen this family, and now he had to choose his son. "I'll hand in my resignation when I have a job offer."
Bobby looks knowingly at him, "Okay, you'll be on the ladder with Rodriguez, Hen has requested another medic to work with her today." Bobby says, summarily dismissing him.
"But Cap, I thought…" Bobby stops him with a glare.
"Hen is Paramedic in Charge, if she requests another medic then I listen." Bobby replies firmly. Eddie nods, and leaves the office unsure of where to go. This must be how Buck felt after the lawsuit.
He changes and goes to the gym to work out some of the frustration. Why can't people understand that he's going to do this so his son feels safe? His entire life revolves around his kid, and he thought Buck understood that.
His shift ends, and he's relegated to the side, while Hen and Ravi try to coax a smile out of Buck but fail. Buck had to ask Ravi a few times for things, while Eddie was again directing people away from accident sites.
Bobby barely gives him orders, while trying to reign in Buck. It was usually Eddie's job but he guesses it's Ravi and Bobby's job now. He drives to his abuela's to pick up Chris, thinking about what jobs he should apply for. Mechanics were always short handed and he worked as one after his stint in the army.
Christophers mood hasn't improved any so he decides to call Taylor out of desperation. She picks up on the second ring.
"Hello, Eddie," she answers a bit shortly.
"Can you tell Buck that Christopher misses him and needs to see him?" Eddie says, watching his son stare at tv listlessly.
"I'll try but he's usually in bed by the time I come over. Maddie has called him, left him a voicemail but he hasn't bothered checking it." Taylor sighs, "You leaving the 118… what the hell are you thinking?"
"I'm doing it for my son, who needs his Buck." I need him too, he thinks to himself. "I want to show that we won't lose him if I leave."
Her dejected sigh tells him everything. "Hate to tell you, but the moment he heard you were leaving the 118, he heard another person was leaving him. I don't know how to bring him out of this funk, Eddie. You basically broke the tether he has to the 118."
"He was fine before I got there, he'll get over this and I'm not leaving LA entirely. Hell I hope to still be with the fire department," Eddie tries to reason with Taylor.
"And who is going to have Buck's back now? After you basically.. you know what. I'll relay to Buck about Christopher, but don't get his hopes up. He's equating you leaving to Christopher leaving. I'm done trying to reason with you," Taylor says, hanging up.
Eddie sits there when Carla enters, tsking at him. "Buckaroo still not come around?" she asks, looking at the depressed ten year old. "And that answers my question."
"Yeah, he hasn't said much since I told him I wasn't going to be a firefighter." Carla huffs, "What? I don't keep secrets from my kid. I just thought he would be happier."
"You obviously haven't talked it out with him," Carla says, voice softer. "Maybe you two can go to therapy together? He's obviously struggling with something he's not able to put into words."
Eddie ponders for a minute, "Yeah I think I will. I don't want him to turn out like me."
"He always is, Eddie. And that's saying something. Go look at what jobs are actually out there. Figure out finances." Carla says, pointing to his laptop and table.
She wanders into his kitchen, before sitting down next to Chris "Hey kid, so I want your opinion on something."
"Fine." He's getting tired of the one word answers.
"What do you think I should do instead of being a firefighter? Something you feel me being safe at?" Eddie asks, trying to coax an answer out of his stubborn ten year old.
His kid went from raging mad and a perfectionist to a preteen in a matter of a week. "Whatever, Dad."
"Christopher!"
"You could die… just like Mom! And you took Buck away! You ruined Christmas!" Christopher yells, while Eddie thanks the Lord he finally got a real reaction out of his kid.
"I didn't take Buck away…"
"Yes you did, when you told him you were leaving. He thinks we are going to be gone forever. You made him leave, Dad!" Christopher yells when Carla comes in, trying to calm him down. "You'll probably still die and Buck won't be around to take care of me because you left. You always leave!"
"Christoper Diaz, that is not a nice thing to say to your father," Carla warns when she gets a mutinous look.
"I am mad at Dad, can I go to my room and nap?" the ten year old asks, getting a nod from Carla. Eddie places his face in his hands when she sits in front of him.
"Don't Carla. I can't deal with the I told you so. I'm gonna give the therapist a call and get a referral for both of us. I'm doing this for him, for him to see me safe." Eddie mutters, wiping his tears away. "But he's completely right about Buck. He's completely frozen you and Christopher out. But this time it's my fault."
"He is having a rough time with Maddie and Chimney gone, and he decided that he can't fix this situation. You should have seen this coming, Eddie," Carla admonishes gently. "See what's out there and comparable to what you make right now. You don't want to work three jobs and never see your son."
Eddie remains quiet, listening to his son stomp around his room. He decides he's going to corner Buck at work the next day.
If anything, maybe Christopher can heal this divide.