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It’s been already 5 years. 5 years ago, on this exact same day, I lost the love of my life in a car accident. 5 years ago we had already been together for 3 years. 5 years ago I lost my soul.
We met right after the end of our last year of high school at a summer camp. Both of our families thought that since we were starting university soon, it would do us good to attend a camp organized by our soon to be university to let the students get to know each other before the beginning of the year. That was probably the best and worst decision that my parents ever took for me.
His name was Talay, he was from Bangkok too, and he was just a few months older than me. We were very similar in a lot of things. Our height and weight was pretty much the same, we both liked the same music, both liked the same genre of movies, both loved acting and were both enrolled in the Communication Arts Department.
When at the end of camp we decided to try and date, no one was shocked by the news, not even our parents. Everyone could see how close we were and how much we loved each other, even if we had just met.
The 3 years that we were together were the best time of my life. Our relationship was not perfect and we had many ups and downs, and almost broke up a dozen of times. But looking back now, I can see that our fights most of the times were just petty fights. We would get lost in what we were fighting about and not realize that it was not worth it at all.
One day, five years ago, we had one of our biggest fights. At the end of it, he walked out of the door and never came back. An hour after, I received a call from the hospital saying that he was hit by a car while on his way back home.
The last time I saw him was when he closed that door behind himself. The last words that I told him were words dictated by my anger. The last words that I told him were that I didn’t want to see him ever again.
I refused to see his dead body. I couldn’t even get myself to attend his funeral. In a way it was like I was refusing to admit that he was actually dead.
It’s been 5 years and I can’t get over what happened. It’s been 5 years and I can’t forgive myself, even though I know it’s not my fault. I always wonder if I could have done something to prevent his death. That is why I’m here.
There is a legend that says that if you wish upon the moon at midnight on Laem Prompthep, your wish will be granted. And I know it’s stupid to believe this kind of legends, but it’s not like I have anything to lose, and it is really the only hope that I have left. So right here, right now, I am wishing to be able to go back in time to stop him from leaving.
The first time it happened, I didn’t actually realize what was going on. I thought it was another one of my dream, or better yet nightmares. For a moment I was just happy to see him again.
The second time it happened, I was not able to stop him form leaving.
The third time it happened, I made some progresses but in the end he still ended up dead.
The fourth time it happened, it was the first time I was able to delate his departure, but it was not enough.
Time after time, attempt after attempt, every time I went back in time, something always would go wrong and I would not be able to save him. It had already been three months since the start of it all, and I was starting to get tired. In addition, watching him die try after try was just breaking my heart more and more.
The tenth time it happened, I succeeded. I was able to stop our fight, I was able to not make him leave, I had him in my arms and we were happy. Reality came crashing down two weeks after. Even if you try to change fate, fate will find one way or another to get back on the right track. Two weeks after, he ended up dying anyway. I saw fate laugh right in front of my eyes calling me a stupid little idiot for believing that time traveling could ever change anything.
In that moment I was done. I just wanted to end my life and follow him in the afterlife. But, as I was standing on the chair, ready to let it fall, I realized that this was not something that he would have wanted. He would have wanted me to live a happy life and realize my dreams. And until now my only dream was for us to live happily ever after together. But now, I have another aspiration in life. Now I want his dreams to become true.
I travelled back in time one last time to get things back to how they originally were, and now, here I am, on this stage, receiving the award for best actor of the year. Exactly the one he always wanted to receive one day.