Chapter Text
Twelve years ago
Jungkook was eight when his father got his first brand new car. For many families that probably wasn’t something all that exciting, but for Jungkook, and his best friend Taehyung, it was the coolest thing. His dad had previously been the proud owner of a decrepit Volvo that had finally given up the ghost two weeks prior, and so, having to swallow his pride a little bit, Jungkook’s dad had allowed himself to be convinced that something more modern might be more family friendly.
The car in question was a Nissan Juke; it’s bright yellow like Bumblebee on the outside and black and sleek and spaceship-like on the inside. Taehyung and Jungkook do pretend they’re in a spaceship, sitting in the back seat as Jungkook’s dad drives them around for the sake of driving around, testing out his new wheels.
‘One day I’ll have my own car, when I’m old enough,’ Jungkook says happily, feet swinging back and forth from the elevated position of his booster seat. He’ll be eighteen before he can pass his test, that feels like a lifetime away—a grown up world away from now. He looks across at Taehyung, his best friend smiling in his boxy way at him. Jungkook feels light, happy. ‘We can go on our own adventures!’
‘Where will we go?’ Taehyung asks, he kicks a foot out at one of Jungkook’s, starting a small foot war as they press their soles against one another and push. Taehyung wins. Jungkook thinks that’s unfair, Taehyung is two years older, two years bigger than Jungkook.
‘Anywhere you want,’ Jungkook says earnestly. They really could do anything they wanted as grown ups, surely. Drive wherever, eat whatever they want, sleep under the stars without being warned about it being too cold. A world away from grown up rules. ‘We could go on a road trip!’
Taehyung laughs, delighted. ‘Promise?’
‘Promise,’ Jungkook says, he extends his hand between them, pinky held high. Taehyung reaches across, linking their pinkies half way and crooking them together, bumping their knuckles together until their thumbs touch too.
‘I think you should get a car like Hot Rod!’ Taehyung gushes, and up front Jungkook’s dad laughs and Jungkook doesn’t know why. Hot Rod would be cool, after all.
‘Maybe I’ll get a car like Hot Rod,’ Jungkook agrees. ‘You’ll be the first person to ride in my car with me, Tae.’
‘Yeah?’ Taehyung beams back at him, hands still joined together between them.
‘Yeah, I promise.’
Jungkook feels light and happy, like it’s him and Taehyung with the whole world opening up before them.
Present
Jungkook removes the slat of wood that he uses to prop open the trunk of his old Mazda, letting the lid shut with a clunk before he adjusts the last box against his hip. He looks back up at his new home, rather cursing the fact that his dorm was six floors up, his thighs were already complaining from the three previous trips he’d made. With a sigh he locks the car, resigning himself to the trek.
There are parties already in full swing on some of the floors on his way up, he gets invited to more than one as he goes which he politely declines. He’s slightly older, he knows, than some of the other freshmen currently celebrating their brand new teenage freedom on the lower floors. Jungkook had chosen to take a year out after school, wanting to find his feet before he made a decision about what he wanted to do.
He’d interned with his dad, and Taehyung’s mum, done odd jobs that were asked of him. He’d taken long drives in his dependable old Mazda with the camera Taehyung had given him for his sixteenth birthday, and then later the DSLR he upgraded to once he’d earned enough from his odd jobs. He started making videos for the hell of it, sharing them on Youtube and finding that he had, in fact, a talent for it. That people loved seeing different parts of South Korea through his lens. It was in the scenic countryside of various towns and cities that he discovered that film might just be his second love.
His first was long gone.
The floors are quieter as Jungkook makes his way up, which is a relief. Jungkook rather values his alone time, his peace and quiet. He hopes that the sixth floor will be quieter. The floors are all the same, eight dorms on each side, the rooms on the left were single occupants, the rooms on the right destined for those who’d rather have a roommate.
Jungkook’s slice of home was the last room on the left. It has a small kitchenette tucked to the side of the living area, a short hallway leading to his new bedroom that was just big enough for his bed, a desk for his computer and camera equipment, a wardrobe, and a set of drawers. Across the hallway is the shower room. It’s not big by any stretch, but it's Jungkook’s, and he’s quite happy with that.
By the time he makes it upstairs with the final box his shoulders are beginning to ache as well as his thighs. As he steps towards his door, he groans at himself as he realises his key is in his back pocket, and he half-regrets not just leaving the door open slightly so he could push it to—but he has a very expensive computer, camera and several lenses that are much too precious for that kind of laissez-faire attitude.
Jungkook grumbles to himself, manoeuvring the box to trap it between the doorframe and his hip as he reaches around to grab his key from his jeans. He’s jingling them free from his car keys when a voice pipes up behind him, a familiar but not at all pair of arms coming around to gently take the box.
‘Do you need a hand?’ Jungkook registers the request too late, fixated on the face he once knew so well but now doesn’t. A wall of memories rushes up to meet him. It feels like a punch to the gut.
‘Tae?’
Eyebrows shoot up into light brown hair, Taehung almost dropping the box—which would be unmitigated disaster, the box contains Jungkook’s brand-new kitchenware and crockery—Jungkook reaches to catch it, catches Taehyung’s fingers too.
‘Kookie?!’ Taehyung’s face bursts into a grin, boxy and familiar. It makes Jungkook’s chest ache. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Uhm…’ Jungkook says, casting his eye at the still closed dorm room. He wonders if it would be okay to take his hand from Taehyung’s, but his fingers kind of don’t want to let go now that Taehyung is in front of him. A wall of memories rushes up to meet him.
It’s weird, is what it is. Jungkook looks almost directly into Taehyung’s eyes now whereas before he’d always been a good few inches shorter as they grew up, even up to the last time they saw each other Jungkook had been a gangly teen where Taehyung had started to grow into his adult body. He’s bigger now, more solid, his face more angular. The eyes are the same old friendly eyes though, the smile the same friendly smile. He’s not sure why that pangs.
‘Oh, right, sorry, that was a stupid question,’ Taehyung says, his cheeks getting rosy. He takes a hand from under one of Jungkook’s, reaching up to pick at his peach fuzz.
‘Don’t do that,’ Jungkook says on reflex, quiet and too caring, too used to Jin telling him off for doing the same thing.
‘Sorry,’ Taehyung huffs, rueful smile taking place of the boxy one. ‘It’s been a while…’
It’s been three years, Jungkook almost says, a lifetime. He feels like that would be too harsh, that he’d kill the light that’s glinting behind Taehyung’s happy gaze. He’s missed that…Missed so many things. So many things that he’d locked them away in a little box at the back of his mind thinking he’d probably never get the chance to go back.
Of course as soon as Jungkook had started to find his own, Taehyung-less, direction, fate had decided on other plans.
‘I can hold this while you open the door,’ Taehyung says eventually, and Jungkook realises he’s been staring.
‘Oh right,’ Jungkook let's go, ignoring that his fingers now feel cold away from Taehyung’s. He successfully untangles the dorm key from his car key, the latter tumbling to the floor. Jungkook curses as he bends to pick it up, meets Taehyung’s eyes as he pockets it.
‘Finally got that car, huh?’ Taehyung’s smile is lopsided this time and Jungkook quickly turns away to open the door.
‘Hmm,’ Jungkook hums in agreement, he swings open the door and moves to take the box from Taehyung, but before he gets the chance Taehyung is stepping around him and into the dorm. Jungkook swallows and follows after him.
‘Hot Rod?’ Taehyung asks, stepping into the dorm like he knows it inside out—he probably does Jungkook reminds himself, these rooms are pretty much all the same—placing the box on the kitchen counter before he turns to face Jungkook, palms leaning back on the counter.
Jungkook scoffs a laugh. ‘I think you can imagine how much it might cost for an eighteen year old to insure a Lamborghini,’ Jungkook smirks back. And it's so easy, so easy to feel like no time as passed at all. It shouldn’t. The hurt Jungkook had once felt makes him feel a lot like things should be harder than they are.
‘Touche,’ Taehyung grins.
‘It’s a mazda,’ Jungkook says, not entirely sure what to do with himself now that he has nothing to fill his hands. He crosses his arms across his chest.
‘Ah, Camshaft, right?’
‘No RX-7, sorry to disappoint,’ Jungkook sighs dramatically, and Taehyung laughs loud and bright and Jungkook’s heart pangs once more.
‘I missed you, Kook-ah,’ Taehyung says, he reaches a hand out like he was going to flick under Jungkook’s chin like he used to do a million years ago but seems to think better of it somewhere along the way, retracting his hand. ‘Sorry.’
‘So, uhm, you live here too?’
‘Uh, yeah, just across the hall,’ Taehyung points at the door still visible through Jungkook’s open doorway. One of the two bedroomed ones. Jungkook momentarily wonders who he lives with, then shakes the thought away, it’s really none of his business.
‘Nice,’ Jungkook says, not knowing what else to say. Taehyung smiles, its small and soft, like Taehyung doesn’t know what else to say now either.
‘I, er, should go,’ Taehyung says. ‘Grocery shopping and all that.’
‘Right,’ Jungkook says, finding himself following after Taehyung as he makes his way to the door. It feels familiar. Too familiar. Jungkook had thought those days were long behind him.
‘It was nice to see you again, Jungkook,’ Taehyung says quietly, once he’s out in the hallway. ‘Maybe we’ll see each other more now we’re neighbours again?’
And that shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, but it feels like a dagger. Jungkook leans against his doorway, his own voice surprising him as much as Taehyung when the latter reaches for his own doorjamb.
‘Taehyung?’
‘Hmm?’
Brown eyes meet brown, and it’s so familiar. So familiar it hurts.
‘I missed you too.’
(Later that night, once he’s unpacked his clothes into the wardrobe and ordered himself some pizza, he facetimes Seokjin ready to murder the elder Kim sibling.
‘You recommended this as a place to live!’
‘It’s a nice place for student digs, what’s your problem?’ Jin had shrugged at him faux nonchalant.
‘You know this is where your brother lives.’
‘Uh huh…’ Jin says, sounding bored. ‘I lived there too…’
‘You probably even knew this was his floor.’
Jin laughs. ‘How would I?’ but there’s a twinkle in his eyes.
‘Why, hyung?’
‘I’m sick of the pair of you mooning over each other but pretending you’re not.’
‘Wh—that’s not—I’m—what?’ Jungkook can feel his neck getting hot as he splutters, he glares at Seokjin even as Yoongi appears at his shoulder waving hello at Jungkook. Jungkook waves back then glares at Seokjin. ‘We haven’t even spoken in years before today.’
‘Exactly.’
‘Hyuuuunngg,’ Jungkook whines.
‘All I hear from the pair of you is Jungkook Jungkook Jungkook and Taehyung Taehyung Taehyung…’
‘I don’t talk about him…’
‘Not now you don’t, now you mope…’
‘Hyung.’
‘Kookie,’ Jin says seriously. ‘This is a good thing…’
‘Jin, I know you mean well,’ Jungkook starts, lump in his throat now. He can’t think about Taehyung thinking about him he can’t. ‘But Taehyung made his choice a long time ago, and it wasn’t me.’)
Four years ago
Things begin to change when Taehyung enters high school. At first it’s not much of anything, Taehyung still hangs out with Jungkook in the evenings and at the weekends they still go bike riding or to the cinema, or just chilling out playing games. Taehyung chats about school and the new friends he’s made and Jungkook doesn’t think anything about it as Taehyung makes friends with everyone.
It’s not until Taehyung enters his second year of high school that things begin to change a bit. Taehyung spends less time with Jungkook before, schoolwork taking up more of his time, new social activities too. Jungkook doesn’t think too much about it, knowing that high school is a step up, and Taehyung still spends the odd weekend with him and things are okay.
It’s when Jungkook enters high school sixteen and Taehyung his final year at eighteen that Jungkook really feels the shift. It’s something else to see Taehyung the cool senior, the kid that everyone likes and girls gush over him. Jungkook can’t really blame them, he gushes over Taehyung too just not outwardly.
Jungkook doesn’t see it until it’s too late. When Taehyung starts dating Jungkook finds it hard to name the feeling in his chest. Taehyung’s cool factor rises when he passes his driving test six months after his eighteenth birthday. He borrows his mum’s car, a bright red Toyota Yaris that somehow doesn’t damage his street cred in the slightest.
Taehyung drives Jungkook around too, but more times that not Jungkook is in the backseat while some girl he doesn’t really know sits up front with Taehyung. Sometimes a girl will take Taehyung’s hand and Jungkook can feel his heart crumbling, eyes looking away from fingers twined with Taehyung’s. They always talk about classes he doesn’t take, friends and classmates he doesn’t know. Jungkook feels a million miles away from the person he was once closest to.
By the end of Taehyung’s senior year, Jungkook has long since stopped being the backseat passenger, Taehyung is set to go to KNU just like his brother does, and Taehyung has drifted away. Jungkook watches as those boxy smiles are aimed at someone else, the happy crescent eyes being summoned by something someone else has said, the skinship shared with people Jungkook doesn’t know the names of. The weekends are no longer theirs.
Taehyung isn’t his any more. It feels like someone decided to scoop his insides out, leaving him cold and numb.
Present
He finds it surprising, actually, how quickly and thoroughly being a first year student eats into his life. Feels rather like he’s hit the ground running with long, academia filled days that he’s rather out of touch with after a year of relative freedom. He doesn’t see Taehyung, though he thinks about him more often than he’d like.
It’s two weeks after he moved in when he meets Taehyung’s roommate for the first time, in some kind of absurd parody of his awkward reunion with Taehyung. Jungkook had just finished his last Saturday photography workshop, it was nearing 5pm and all he really wanted to do was collapse in a heap on his couch, eat some ramen, maybe watch some anime or play some overwatch.
Fate had other plans.
When he makes it to his floor, it’s to see a man shorter than himself by a few inches trying to juggle too many grocery bags and get his keys from his pocket and failing miserably. Jungkook doesn’t even hesitate. His parents raised him well after all.
‘Do you need a hand?’
Kind brown eyes find his, plump lips parted in surprise as the shorter man’s cheeks pinken, clearly wishing he hadn’t been caught trying to bite off more than he could chew.
‘Would you?’ the man asks.
‘Of course,’ and Jungkook lets the man hand over half the bags while he pats himself down in a desperate attempt to find the keys. He lets out a relieved sigh to discover they were in his jacket pocket all along.
Jungkook follows behind him, into an apartment that is a mirror image of his own. The only difference is that down the hallway there are two small bedrooms instead of one. The man dumps the bags on the kitchen counter, waving at Jungkook to do the same.
‘I can’t thank you enough…’ the man starts, looking at Jungkook questioningly. It takes Jungkook a beat too long to realise he was waiting for a name.
‘Oh, uhm , Jungkook,’ Jungkook replies, feeling his neck grow hot. The man’s face goes inexplicably beatific.
‘You’re Jungkook?’
‘Y—yes?’
‘God, Taehyung never shuts up about you,’ the man says quite dramatically, turning on his heel to start putting things away. Jungkook feels mollified on so many levels, one that this is Taehyung’s roommate who is happy to have a complete stranger in their home, and two, that Taehyung apparently talks about him to more than just his older brother. ‘I’m Jimin, by the way.’
‘Jimin,’ Jungkook repeats then, still flabbergasted, adds ‘He does?’
Jungkook wishes that wasn’t the first thing he’d thought about but he’s a weak man and he’d be lying to himself if he hadn’t pondered once or twice if Taehyung ever considered him at all. Especially since Jin had mentioned them mooning over each other.
‘Of course!’ Jimin gushes, he looks over his shoulder at Jungkook while he’s stocking up the fridge, flicks him a grin before turning back to his organising. ‘I feel like I know you already from how much he talks about you.’
‘Oh…’ Jungkook isn’t sure what else to say, not sure what to do with this information. Taehyung has told him nothing at all about Jimin, hasn’t spoken to him really for the better part of three years.
‘You look nothing like the gangly kid he described, though,’ Jimin teases and Jungkook snorts.
‘Puberty will do that.’
‘You don’t disappoint that’s for sure,’ Jimin says with a wink. ‘Do you want a beer?’
‘Oh, I should get back…’ I shouldn’t impose he almost adds.
‘Please, it’s the least I can do to thank you for saving my life,’ Jimin says, and Jungkook rolls his eyes. He can already tell why Taehyung and Jimin are roommates, how easy it is to like Jimin. How easily they fit together.
‘It was just some bags, Jimin-ssi.’
Jimin waves him off, taking two beers from the carton before putting the rest in the fridge. He plonks one can in front of Jungkook, abandoning the rest of the unpacking in favour of moving into the living area to throw himself down on the couch. Jimin sighs happily, putting his sock clad feet up on the coffee table. He pats the space next to him.
Jungkook stares for a beat before resigning himself to the fact that Jimin isn’t going to take no for an answer. He plonks his bag down on the kitchen island stool, then makes his way across to Jimin.
‘So, uhm, where’s Taehyung-hyung?’ Jungkook asks, feeling himself get hot around the ears when Jimin looks at him slyly.
‘He’s at work,’ Jimin says, looking far too smug when Jungkook sits next to him.
‘Work?’
‘He works at the coffee shop just off campus,’ Jimin says, clinking his beer can off Jungkook’s. ‘Don’t tell me you haven’t been? It’s the lifeblood of most of the student body.’
‘I, uh, haven’t really had the chance to explore much yet.’
‘Oh, Kookie,’ Jimin says, and Jungkook is a little taken aback as to how it doesn’t really feel weird for Jimin to call him that nickname already. ‘We’re going to have to take you on a tour…are you busy tomorrow?’
Jungkook really wants to say he was looking forward to a long lie and playing games in bed all day, but Jimin looks so hopeful and happy. ‘Er, no?’
‘Great!’ Jimin grins. ‘It’s a plan then. Me and Tae will show you all the best places to go.’
‘Oh, Tae too…?’
‘He has Sunday off this week.’
‘I see…’
‘So…’ Jimin starts, pausing to take a long drink of his beer. ‘Tell me about yourself,’
‘You said you already know me,’ Jungkook says dryly. Jimin throws his head back in a laugh, eyes creased into happy crescents.
‘I know the Jungkook Taehyung thinks you are,’ Jimin says, like there’s a secret there.
‘Who’s to say I’m not who he thinks I am?’ Jungkook asks, perhaps too philosophical, he’d like to think he’s grown somewhat since Taehyung last knew him.
‘No offence,’ Jimin says. ‘But Taehyung thinks the sun shines out your ass, and that you can do no wrong, I like to think no one is quite that perfect.’
Which, oh.
* * *
Jungkook finds that Jimin is almost too easy to get along with. Jimin treats him like a long lost brother, relaxed and easy around him. They lose two hours, lost in getting to know each other. Jungkook learns that Jimin, too, is from Busan originally, and had moved out to Seoul for University, whereas Jungkook’s family had moved when Jungkook was six. Jimin’s focus is dance—even encouraging Jungkook to come along for some sessions when he admits that he used to dance too—telling Jungkook about his and their friend Hoseok’s dream of starting their own dance studio.
Jungkook likes him. He always thought he wouldn’t like the person who took his place in Taehyung’s life, but here he is bonding. Finding that he and Jimin are more alike than he thought they’d be. He’s not sure if that hurts more or not, that Taehyung filled the gap with someone like himself but better.
They end up opening another can of beer each, and Jimin flops back on the couch looking accusingly at the remainder of the groceries needing put away. He looks at Jungkook.
‘Pizza?’
‘You bought groceries…?’
‘Yeah, but I’m lazy,’ Jimin grins. ‘And Taehyung will be home soon.’
‘I should go, then.’
‘Nonsense,’ Jimin yawns, pulling out his phone, he reaches out with his other hand and grabs Jungkook’s wrist to keep him sitting. ‘Have pizza with us, it’s my thank you.’
‘I thought the beer was your thank you?’
‘Kookie, are you really so averse to free food?’
Jungkook balks at the use of the nickname. ‘No…?’
‘Good,’ Jimin grins, letting go of Jungkook’s wrist now he’s sure Jungkook won’t up and leave. ‘What toppings do you like?’
‘Uh, anything, meat?’
‘I knew I liked you,’ Jimin smirks.
Taehyung arrives at the same time the pizza does, looking slightly mollified to being followed all the way up to his own door. There’s a flurry of motion as Jimin jumps up to grab the pizza, Taehyung pauses to wrestle himself out of his jacket while Jimin tries to hug him with his free arm at the same time. They immediately descend into chatter about their day as they make their way into the kitchen, Jimin moving to grab the box of napkins. And so it takes him a moment or three to realise that Jungkook is sitting there in their lounge feeling a lot like a spare part.
Taehyung stops dead in the middle of their kitchen, looking like the air has been punched out of him. Jungkook feels a lot like he shouldn’t be here, like it would really be for the best if he just got up right now and left the apartment. Why would Taehyung want him here after all? He was the kid he left behind. In the kitchen is the man he built a new life with.
‘Kookie,’ Taehyung says eventually, brows furrowed in confusion. ‘You’re here?’
‘Jungkook saved me from my own hubris,’ Jimin says, waving the napkin box at Jungkook as he makes his way over to couch.
‘It was really nothi—‘
‘Nothing to you, perhaps,’ Jimin snarks as he puts down the pizzas and throws open the lids. ‘Built like a bloody brick house your boy here.’
‘I’m not—‘
‘He’s not—‘
Jungkook and Taehyung stare at each other. Jungkook can feel his cheeks heating up. It’s one thing for Taehyung’s brother to wind him up, it’s another for a perfect stranger who knows Taehyung better than him now to infer the same. Jungkook swallows, looking away just in time to catch Jimin casting a look between the two of them. His gaze settles on Taehyung.
‘There’s wine for you,’ Jimin says. ‘Get some and then come sit.’
‘I can go…’ Jungkook says, realising belatedly that they really do only have one couch and a beanbag in their lounge.
‘Jungkook—‘ Jimin starts.
‘It’s fine, stay,’ Taehyung says gently, having helped himself to a glass of wine. Jungkook can’t help but meet his eyes again. He crosses through from the kitchen, letting Jimin pull him down between him and Jungkook once he’s close enough. Jungkook budges up, knee bumping against Taehyung’s as he sits down. Taehyung looks at him.
‘Hey,’ he says quietly.
‘Hey,’ Jungkook replies, hating that his stomach still flutters with butterflies when Taehyung meets his gaze. Time has really done Taehyung nothing but favours.
‘It’s good to see you again.’
‘It is?’ Jungkook mumbles.
‘Of course,’ Taehyung says, he squeezes Jungkook’s knee, then seems to think better of it and removes his hand quickly.
‘Its, uhm, good to see you too,’ Jungkook admits.
‘Are you two done?’ Jimin asks loudly, grabbing a slice of pizza and grabbing the remote to turn on the tv. He just looks slyly at them both when Taehyung and Jungkook turn to stare at him. ‘Naruto or One Piece?’
‘Full metal alchemist,’ Taehyung and Jungkook say at the same time, looking at each other in surprise. Taehyung smirks, Jungkook smiling gently in reply.
‘God, there’s two of them,’ Jimin grumbles, shoving half his slice of pizza in his mouth in one bite.
* * *
Being friends with Taehyung has always been easy. It’s only been since Jungkook realised at fourteen that his attachment to Taehyung might be more than friendship that their relationship had become difficult to navigate. If Jungkook was honest with himself a part of him had probably always loved Taehyung, it was only later, once he realised that he was in love with him (or at the very least, thought he was) that he opened himself up to the heartache that is one sidedly falling in love with his best friend.
Perhaps the biggest problem with being in love with his best friend wasn’t just that Taehyung was attractive, it was the fact he’d fallen in love with Taehyung’s personality too, all the little idiosyncrasies and closeness that only come with knowing someone so thoroughly for a long time. He knows, really, that he could give any one of the handful of people he’d previously dated a chance, get to know them and let them become as close as Taehyung had been, closer even. But there was a part of him that wasn’t ready to do that yet, even four years after his initial heartbreak.
He’d tried to move on, he’d had three years where Taehyung had been gone after all, and another year whereby their friendship had dissolved to little more than passing hellos (which had somehow been worse than not seeing him at all). But for all that the people he dated were sweet and kind, with often similar interests, they were never quite enough. The smiles were never so warm, the eyes the wrong shade of brown, the closeness never quite enough to make Jungkook’s heart beat faster and his stomach flip-flop.
Four years on he still yearned for what he imagined being with Taehyung might be like. Taehyung’s boxy smiles aimed at him, his warm cuddles just for Jungkook, the thought of holding his hand or kissing him still fuelled Jungkook’s daydreams. He’d committed to memory, too, the smell he’d associated with Taehyung; one he could describe as little else but home. He wondered, sometimes, if that might have changed too. Maybe Taehyung wasn’t who he remembered at all, maybe it was just his desperate heart still yearning for what they’d once had. For what they could have if Taehyung felt the same way.
But it was easy, too easy, to fall back in with Taehyung.
* * *
Jungkook ends up spending much more of his free time with Taehyung and Jimin than he’d anticipated. Jimin repeatedly invites him over for dinner under the guise of ensuring that he eats enough—Jungkook wonders if maybe Jimin and Jin are in cahoots, making sure he doesn’t live off instant ramen. He’d mentioned to Jimin, once, if maybe he wasn’t getting in their way, being a third wheel, but Jimin had laughed it off saying he was talking nonsense, and so Jungkook relaxed.
As promised, Jimin and Taehyung show him all the typical pitstops of their fellow students, then show him some of the less typical, quieter, places too. Jungkook finds himself falling into an easy routine of coming home from a day of lectures and workshops, dumping his bag in his own dorm before heading across the hall to flop on Jimin and Taehyung’s couch for a while until Jimin makes him get up to help him make dinner. He spends as much time being pulled back into Taehyung’s easy cuddles, finding himself in one too many puppy piles on the beanbag in their living room. He spends so much time there he starts to treat Taehyung and Jimin’s dorm like an extension of his own.
Which is why one Friday, over a month later, Jungkook is surprised to come home to see a man sitting waiting outside in their hallway at Jimin and Taehyung’s door. The man in question has long legs folded up in front of him, a book open on his knees, glasses perched on his nose, lost in concentration.
‘Er…hi?’ Jungkook says as he comes down the hallway towards his own door, the man eventually looks up at him, dimples denting his cheeks. That, coupled with his fluffy light brown hair that sticks up at all angles, is utterly adorable.
‘Ah, hi…’ the man smiles at him properly, closing his book gently. ‘You must be Jungkook?’
‘…Yes?’ Jungkook frowns, fumbling his own keys in his door. ‘Do I know you?’
The man laughs lightly, he shakes his head. ‘No, no, probably not, I’m Kim Namjoon.’
Jungkook tilts his head, wondering if he’s somehow meant to know that name. ‘Uhhh?’
‘Oh, um,’ Namjoon scrambles to his feet, looking a bit embarrassed. ‘Jimin’s boyfriend, he hasn’t mentioned me?’
Jungkook wracks his brain, trying to think of anyone that Jimin has perhaps mentioned at any sort of length other than Taehyung.
‘Oh, you’re Joon?’
Namjoon laughs, smiling sweetly, cheeks dimpling once more. ‘That’d be me…’
Jungkook flushes, realising he’d read Taehyung and Jimin completely wrong. He’d seen their easy camaraderie and skinship and made assumptions.
‘I, uhm, didn’t realise you were his boyfriend,’ Jungkook admits. ‘I kind of assumed Jimin and Tae…’
Namjoon laughs, not unkindly. ‘Tae?’ he says. ‘ I can understand why, but I assure you, they’ve never been anything but friends.’
‘Oh…’
‘You have nothing to worry about.’
Jungkook frowns at him, confused. ‘Why would I be worried?’
‘Ah—‘
‘Babe!’ Both Namjoon and Jungkook look in the direction of the sound, and the next thing Jungkook knows is Jimin throwing himself at Namjoon, the pair turning into a mass of limbs as Jimin koalas himself around his boyfriend and Namjoon inelegantly catches him. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I thought I’d surprise you, I have a long weekend and wanted to spend it with you…’ Namjoon replies quietly, and Jungkook finally turns away, letting himself into his dorm to let them have some privacy. He wonders how he ever thought Jimin was with Taehyung, now seeing how different he is with Namjoon. Wonders if maybe there’s someone Taehyung is different with too.
Jungkook resigns himself to what will be his first time spending an evening alone in his own dorm since he’d met Jimin, shucking off his jacket and dumping his bag in his bedroom before making his way back to the lounge area and flopping on his own couch. It’s not nearly as comfy as Tae’s.
There’s a knock at his door.
‘Hng…’
‘Jungkook-ah?’ Jimin’s voice sounds from the other side of the door before his head peeks around as he opens the door. ‘Are you coming for dinner?’
‘Oh…I thought you guys would want time alone?’
‘We’ll get that later, trust me,’ Jimin says, waggling his eyebrows. Jungkook groans at him. ‘Come along, I want you to meet Namjoon-hyung properly.’
‘You know most people wouldn’t want someone else around after not seeing their boyfriend for a month,’ Jungkook says, swinging his legs off the couch and getting up to follow after Jimin.
‘I talk to him on FaceTime every day,’ Jimin says, grinning. He winks at Jungkook. ‘Don’t you worry, I let Namjoon-hyung know he’s loved.’
‘Gross…’ Jungkook mutters, yelping when Jimin slaps him on the chest. They cross the threshold into Jimin and Taehyung’s apartment, Namjoon is now sprawled out on the beanbag, book folded open on his knees once more. Jungkook trails after Jimin into the kitchen.
‘If we’re gross, what are you and Taehyung, hm?’
‘What do you mean?’ Jungkook frowns at Jimin, not following when he catches Namjoon and Jimin sharing a look. ‘What?’ Jungkook asks again.
‘Nothing,’ Jimin says, too quickly. Jungkook narrows his eyes at him. ‘Come, help me make dinner.’
‘It’s Friday, we normally have pizza on Friday,’ Jungkook says, well aware that he’s whinging. He watches as Jimin fusses with taking ingredients out of the cupboards. ‘Hyung…’
‘Hyung likes it when I cook for him,’ Jimin says, and there’s definitely pink dusting his cheeks.
‘Jimin-ah, it’s fine, we can have pizza,’ Namjoon says from the other side of the room. He also looks a bit pink when he meets Jungkook’s gaze. Like neither one of them are really used to sharing their domesticity with others, which is silly really considering how domestic Jimin is with Taehyung, and now Jungkook.
‘No, we have pork belly that needs used anyways,’ Jimin says, shoving at Jungkook when he looks at him curiously.
‘Your ears are all pink hyung.’
‘I’ll kick you out,’ Jimin says, brandishing a knife at him. Jungkook takes it from him, rolling his eyes at him.
‘Sure,’ Jungkook says. ‘We all know who the master chef is in this household.’
‘Oh you’re a member of this household now, are you?’ Jimin teases, Jungkook grunts at him, nudging Jimin out of the way as he moves to get the pork belly from the fridge.
All things considered, Jungkook thinks that perhaps he shouldn’t think of himself as a member of their household. It’s only been a month since he met Jimin, a month since he’s spent time with the evolved Taehyung. But moving around their home is as easy as moving around his own, even after a month, he knows where everything is, doesn’t even have to ask before he gets something or moves Jimin out of the way as they easily move around one another in the kitchen.
Dinner is almost ready when Namjoon finally decides to unfold himself from the beanbag with dubious gracefulness, he moves to join them, seating himself at one of the barstools at the island.
‘Smells amazing Jimin-ah,’ Namjoon dimples at him, Jimin smiles back, tiny and shy.
‘How long have you two been together?’ Jungkook asks, without really thinking. They act kind of like it’s new but their words suggest otherwise.
‘It’ll be three years this year,’ Jimin says. ‘October.’
‘Hm, your birthday,’ Namjoon pipes in nostalgically.
‘Easy to remember,’ Jungkook laughs, cutting up the mostly cooked pork belly with scissors before rummelling it around the pan.
‘Got sick of waiting for him to make his move more like,’ Jimin grins. ‘I’d probably still be waiting now.’
‘Jimin-ah,’ Namjoon says softly. Jungkook feels a lot like he’s intruding on something he shouldn’t be.
‘Would you have confessed if I hadn’t thrown myself at you?’
Namjoon dimples at Jimin, then looks to Jungkook. ‘This one turned 21 and chose violence.’
Jungkook laughs, he oddly can’t imagine Jimin as timid at all.
‘Hmm, guess who turns twenty-one this year,’ Jimin sing-songs, sharing a look with Namjoon. Namjoon bites back a smile.
‘What’s that got to do with anything?’
‘Maybe you should take a leaf out of my book is all I’m saying…’ Jimin says pointedly, stirring the broth for the noodles before he adds in the four portions. He looks at Namjoon. ‘Should I add five?’
‘Probably,’ Namjoon says. Jimin hums, busying himself with opening another packet of ramen.
‘And who am I meant to be throwing myself at?’ Jungkook asks, frowning at Jimin.
‘Jungkook—‘
‘Hey guys, I’m—‘ Taehyung’s voice carries over from the doorway, meaning Jungkook is never going to get a straight answer from Jimin. ‘Hyung!’
Taehyung crosses into the kitchen, wrapping Namjoon in a hug.
‘Hey,’ Namjoon says warmly, patting at Taehyung’s arm. Taehyung grins at him, letting go. He drops his bag to the floor, making his way around the island. Before Jungkook really knows what’s happening Taehyung is curled in behind him, chin tucked on Jungkook’s shoulder.
‘Hey,’ Taehyung says softly to Jungkook, Jungkook doesn’t miss the look Namjoon and Jimin share with each other as Taehyung looks to Namjoon. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Long weekend,’ Namjoon says. ‘I thought I’d come and steal Jimin from you.’
‘Hmm,’ Taehyung hums. ‘I’ll allow it.’
‘He’s less possessive these days,’ Jimin says jokingly, earning a slap from Taehyung who doesn’t move from his perch behind Jungkook. ‘Kook, the noodles are ready, are you good to go?’
‘Yeah,’ Jungkook turns the stovetop off, picking up a piece of cooked pork belly and feeding it to Taehyung.
‘It’s good, Kook-ah,’ Taehyung says, chewing happily. Jungkook feels his stomach flip-flop, suddenly aware of just how close Taehyung’s face is.
‘Tae, stop canoodling and go grab cutlery,’ Jimin snipes, starting to dish out ramen into bowls.
‘Who’s canoodling?’ Taehyung grumbles, stepping away from Jungkook. Jungkook shivers, feeling suddenly cold without Taehyung pressed against him. He catches Namjoon’s eye, not liking the knowing look he sees there and ducks his head.
Jungkook busies himself with topping the ramen and broth with the pork belly, adding the dirtied pan to the pile by the sink.
‘Namjoon-ah and I will do the dishes,’ Taehyung says, making Jungkook jump when he realises the voice is closer to his ear than he thought. He looks up at Taehyung, seeing mild concern in his eyes. ‘Are you alright?’
‘Mm,’ Jungkook bites his lip, moves to hand Taehyung one of the bowls of ramen. ‘Here.’
‘Thanks,’ Taehyung says, looking at Jungkook curiously.
‘What?’
‘Nothing,’ Taehyung sighs, reaching down to grab Jungkook’s wrist.
He tugs him along to their usual spot on the beanbag, letting Jimin and Namjoon have the couch. It’s contentious, for a moment, both of them being as large as they are and holding hot bowls of noodles in broth, but they get there with minimal mess. Jungkook pressed up against Taehyung’s side, Taehyung leaning his arm on Jungkook’s leg as he eats his dinner. It’s so domestic and familiar Jungkook’s heart aches a bit with it.
He catches the smug look on Jimin’s face. Figures that maybe Jimin is right. Maybe he will have to take matters into his own hands.
What’s a second heartbreak in the name of Kim Taehyung after all.
* * *
The following day is the first Saturday that Jungkook has had to himself since he’d come to college. He sleeps in, not waking up until 1pm but he thinks he can be forgiven since he didn’t come back to his own dorm until 2am after drinking too much beer and chatting with Namjoon and Jimin until the wee hours, Taehyung sound asleep on his shoulder.
He phones his parents while he’s having his breakfast, letting them know that he’s doing fine, his classwork is going well, and that yes he’s eating. Normally, Taehyung and Jimin would have come and fetched him by now, but he knows that Jimin and Namjoon had planned on going to a museum and having dinner. Taehyung, he’s sure is working, but there’s also the case that he and Taehyung have not really spent any measurable time alone together since their reunion, Jimin has always been there as a buffer.
He ends up spending what’s left of his afternoon playing video games. It’s not until there’s a knock on the door at 7pm that he realises he hasn’t really eaten since his bowl of cereal when he woke up, his stomach rumbles its complaint. He gets up, heading to the door as the knocking comes again, more insistent this time. He opens it to a beaming Taehyung.
‘Hey!’
‘You could’ve just come in,’ Jungkook says, his eyes drop to the two boxes of pizza in his hands.
‘I wasn’t sure if you’d be in,’ Taehyung says, shoving off the doorframe and making his way into the dorm. Jungkook closes the door, following after Taehyung. ‘I messaged you a while ago.’
‘Oh, I was playing—‘
‘You still play pokemon?’ Taehyung says, sounding endeared as he takes a seat on the couch. Jungkook’s switch is still hooked up to the TV, his character roaming the wilds of the Galar region.
‘It’s nostalgic,’ Jungkook says a bit defensively.
‘I have Shield,’ Taehyung smiles softly.
‘Oh…’ Jungkook says lamely, sucking in a breath when Taehyung grabs him by the wrist and pulls him down next to him. He watches as Taehyung flips the lid on one of the boxes, the smell of melted cheese and different meats his Jungkook’s nose, his stomach grumbles anew. Taehyung chuckles.
‘Eat,’ Taehyung gestures at the box, taking a slice of his own. ‘We’re still quite alike you and I…’
‘Hmm,’ Jungkook replies, he knows Taehyung is right, he’s not sure why that keeps surprising him. He always thought they grew apart because Taehyung outgrew him, expected that to still be the case. He helps himself to a slice of pizza, failing at swallowing a groan. He nudges at Taehyung when the other laughs at him. ‘Fuck off. I’m starving.’
‘I knew you’d forget to eat if Jimin didn’t actively drag your ass to our dorm every day.’
‘How is he?’
‘If you checked your messages, you’d know the answer to that,’ Taehyung teases, Jungkook rolls his eyes as he scarfs down another slice of pizza and reaches for his phone.
There’s a bunch of messages in their chat, pictures of art they saw in the museum, Jimin sending pictures of Namjoon that he also calls art, and then a set of selcas of Namjoon and Jimin enjoying dinner. The last message tells them not to wait up, and to behave themselves in his absence.
There’s some texts from Taehyung too, one telling him he’d finished work, then another an hour later asking Jungkook where he was, then the last one telling him he was bringing dinner.
‘Oh…’ Jungkook says.
‘I’m glad you were having fun though,’ Taehyung says, reaching to flick under Jungkook’s chin with his knuckle. Jungkook catches his fingers, Taehyung’s gaze drops to their hands, sucking in a breath before looking back up at Jungkook. ‘Kook-ah…’
Jungkook drops his hand, looking away to get another slice of pizza.
‘I thought you’d be enjoying time alone now Jimin’s away?’ Jungkook says, leaning back to rest his head on the back of the couch. Taehyung sinks back too, turning his head to face Jungkook. Jungkook’s heart can’t take it, looking into those brown eyes once more. It could be so easy to imagine Taehyung was his.
‘I like spending time with you…’
‘You do?’
‘I wasn’t kidding when I said I missed you, Kook…’
‘Taehyung, I—‘
‘Sorry,’ Taehyung looks away, leaning forward to help himself to another slice of pizza. ‘I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward.’
Jungkook watches the back of Taehyung’s head, wonders what it would be like to run his fingers through his hair or bury his nose in the light brown locks. He shakes his head. It’s too easy to get lost in Taehyung.
‘Do you want to watch a movie…?’ Jungkook asks, because sue him, he kind of wants to keep Taehyung around.
‘Sure,’ Taehyung says, turning to smile at him. Jungkook smiles back, heart still thudding heavily in his chest. He leans forward, reaching for the remote.
‘What do you fancy?’ Jungkook asks, pointedly ignoring the way Taehyung looks at him.
‘You pick.’
‘Howl’s moving castle?’
‘Perfect,’ Taehyung sighs, leaning back on the couch again.
They finish off most of the pizza, and settle in to watch the rest of the movie. Taehyung falls asleep somewhere near the middle of it, curled in against Jungkook’s side, face smooshed adorably against Jungkook’s arm. It still makes Jungkook’s breath catch, how handsome Taehyung is in sleep. His features are more chiseled now, but there’s still the boy he knows hidden in there.
Jungkook watches the end of the film, then carefully moves himself off the couch, fetching Taehyung a blanket. He tidies up the mess, quietly moving around his own dorm in the dark. He washes up then heads to bed, and stares up at the ceiling knowing that the boy he’s still stupidly in love with is lying sleeping soundly one room over.
* * *
‘Kook-ah…’
It’s two am. Jungkook hadn’t really been asleep, dozing more than anything else, when he looks up to see a scruffy headed figure in his bedroom doorway.
‘Hm?’ Jungkook raises his head. ‘Whassup?’
‘Can I sleep here?’
‘In my room?’ Jungkook pushes himself up onto his elbow, frowning in confusion. ‘There’s not much space on the floor.’
In the low light from outside Jungkook can see Taehyung blink. He pads closer to Jungkook’s bed.
‘I…uhm…sleep better hugging something…’ Taehyung says quietly. Jungkook knew that, hadn’t really thought about it enough to consider it might still be the case.
‘Oh!’ Jungkook rubs at his eye. ‘Sure…’
Jungkook throws back the covers, shifting over on the mattress a bit to make room for Taehyung. Taehyung flops onto the bed, pulling the covers back over them both. In no time at all Jungkook has his arms full of Taehyung, the other man wraps his arm around Jungkook’s middle, resting his head on Jungkook’s chest. If Jungkook wanted to, he could bury his nose in Taehyung’s hair.
He really does want to, but he doesn’t.
‘You got bigger, Jungkookie,’ Taehyung murmurs, a deep rumble against Jungkook’s collarbones. ‘But you’re still the same…’
‘Mm?’
‘Sti’ bes’ cuddler,’ Taehyung says quietly, sleep pulling him under. Jungkook watches him sleeping for a long moment. There’s so many things he’d like to do and say to Taehyung if he’d let him.
‘You too, hyung.’
* * *
The bed sharing is a more gradual thing. Jungkook isn’t really sure when it becomes habit more than the convenience of them both moving to Jungkook’s bed after the sporadic weekends where Taehyung comes over and watches anime and falls asleep on his couch. But as finals for their spring semester draw closer, instead of seeing less of Taehyung like he had expected, he starts to see more of him.
Taehyung is increasingly stressed as the assessments pile up and the exam dates loom closer. Though Jungkook hadn’t been particularly privy to Taehyung’s behaviour during his exam times at high school, nor his previous Uni years, he recognised the same behaviours from Jin. The Kim Brothers were more alike than either of them cared to admit.
So Jungkook becomes used (weak, so weak) to the grumpy clinginess that has become his former best friend. Taehyung seems to passive aggressively spend his time reading in Jungkook’s dorm, following him from the living area to the bedroom and settling against Jungkook. Taehyung makes him go through lines with him for a screening, gets Jungkook to test him with flashcards, and in turn he helps Jungkook study for his exams too. Jungkook does, at one point, try to give Taehyung back to Jimin, but the latter laughs in his face and tells him that Taehyung is all his when he’s like this.
Taehyung eats when Jungkook makes him eat, washes when Jungkook makes him wash, sleeps when Jungkook makes him sleep. It’s all so domestic that Jungkook’s heart rather aches with it. He wishes, more now than he ever had before, that Taehyung was his.
It’s too much, waking up to Taehyung’s sleepy, pouty face (it would be so easy to tilt his head just so and kiss Taehyung softly awake, but he won’t, for all that he wishes he could). It’s too much seeing Taehyung trying to stay awake in his shower while Jungkook brushes his teeth (to think of how easy it would be to suggest joining him if Taehyung was his). It’s too much watching Taehyung in his kitchen eating ramen with fluffy hair and his glasses on (too easy to imagine them years from now settled in a home of their own).
It’s too easy to call in love with Taehyung all over again.
The only reprieve Jungkook really gets is when he goes to class, and even then all he can think about is Taehyung’s soft gaze, his deep soothing voice, the warmth and comfort of Taehyung’s body against his own. He takes what moments of solitude he can; when he’s in his car heading for groceries or just a drive; the lull in the day when Jungkook’s classes have ended but Taehyung is still working; the times when Jimin claims him back, and find that he misses Taehyung more now when he’s not there than he had when they weren’t talking.
It seems impossible, considering the heartbreak Jungkook had endured, but there it is. Now he knows what it could be like if Taehyung was his, and somehow that is worse.
The week of Taehyung’s exams is probably the week Jungkook gets the most Taehyung-free time he’s had in the last four months of having him back in his life. Taehyung is up early and out before Jungkook has properly risen (he’s vaguely aware of Taehyung ruffling his hair and telling him to have a good day each time), and comes back in late, exhausted and curls up on Jungkook’s bed for cuddles without so much as a word.
It’s the final day of finals when Jungkook has finished his last exam for the semester, and knowing that Taehyung has his last exam today too, he decides he’s going to make them a nice (ish) dinner for a change (his student budget only goes so far). Knowing he has nothing in his cupboards, he heads out to his car, dumping his bag in the back before sinking into the driver's seat and hooking up his phone to the speakers he has balancing on top of the dash. He starts the engine, and nearly leaps six feet in the air when he sees Taehyung standing in front of his car.
‘Tae, what the shit?’
‘Hey,’ Taehyung breaks into a grin, rounding the side of the car before getting in the passenger side. ‘Where we going?’
‘I am going to get groceries,’ Jungkook sighs, watching as Taehyung takes Jungkook’s phone from its holder and starts scrolling through the songs. Jungkook pulls out of the space. ‘Are you all done?’
‘Yup,’ Taehyung says, popping the ‘p’, sinking down further into the seat. The opening bars of Free Love starts playing and Taehyung puts the phone back. ‘A free man!’
‘Congrats,’ Jungkook laughs, looks over at Taehyung and feels his stomach flutter at the relaxed look on his friend’s face.
‘Thanks,’ Taehyung reaches out and flicks the underside of Jungkook’s chin. ‘Its good to see you.’
‘You see me every day,’ Jungkook says, frowning.
‘Through a haze of studying lately, Kook-ah,’ Taehyung says quietly. Jungkook flexes his fingers on the steering wheel, tries to calm his heartbeat as Taehyung being sweet is still his greatest weakness. ‘What are we getting from the store?’
‘I thought I’d make us dinner, celebrate our exams being over,’ Jungkook says, taking a turn at a set of traffic lights.
‘You’re so sweet,’ Taehyung coos, poking at Jungkook’s cheek.
‘Hyunnng,’ Jungkook whines. ‘I’m driving!’
‘You know, you never kept your promise,’ Taehyung says, hands back to himself.
‘Huh?’ Jungkook flicks a glance at Taehyung and he pulls into the supermarket car park. He looks too smug for his own good. ‘What promise?’
‘Do you not remember, Kookie,’ Taehyung muses. ‘You said you’d take me on a road trip.’
Jungkook parks, killing the engine before he twists in his seat to look at Taehyung properly. Taehyung turns his head, making his hair stick up on end on one side. Jungkook resists the urge to pat it down.
‘You remember that?’ Jungkook asks quietly, feels like his heart is about to beat out of his chest with hopefulness.
‘Of course, Kook-ah,’ Taehyung says, reaching over to grip one of Jungkook’s pinkies with his own. ‘We pinky promised.’
Jungkook stares down at their hands, breath hitching in his throat when he looks back up to Taehyung’s eyes. ‘We did…’
‘Do you want to?’ Taehyung asks. ‘It’s my last summer as a student, it might be a fun last hurrah…’
Jungkook doesn’t think he can bear to say goodbye to Taehyung again, to not see him again after he leaves at the end of the school year. He wants to squash all the memories in that he can, break his heart again later.
‘Yeah,’ Jungkook says. ‘Yeah, I’d like that.’
The smile Taehyung sends his way is going to be the end of him.