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He’d known he’d gone too far when he arrived at the airport, yet he had followed through with Rin’s idea to take him to Australia. In his fight with Makoto, Haru remembered the resigned look on his best friend’s face and the sudden release upon his grip. It was almost like the feeling of being let go was worse, like he was actively being given up on when everyone around him knows the place in which they want to arrive in the future. Haru wanted to run away from that feeling and instead know the cool touch of water in the pool or even his bathtub if things got too desperate. To him, there was no meaning in being anything except in the water… and perhaps the best friend of Makoto Tachibana. Not at this moment, but any other one.
But with the air biting at his newly exposed wrists in the twilight air, he decided to run and for a moment lost both of those things. He left Makoto in Iwatobi and headed for Sydney chasing some childish feeling in his chest. Haru told himself he’d figure things out when he got there, and for a moment he thought he had. Rin knew from one look at him that not everything was okay and ended up taking him to the Sydney Olympic Park Aquatic Centre in hopes to motivate him to find a dream.
For a moment, Haru felt partly at peace on the way back home to Japan. He watched out the window for the familiar buildings to come back to him while Rin slept dangerously close to his shoulder the entire way home. He wasn’t going to pretend like there hadn’t been a spark between the two of them in the past, but things changed after Rin moved away. Haru felt guilty, feeling responsible for the reason the red-headed boy quit swimming. However, things changed again, and had pulled Rin back into his life for a second time, but there’d been this distance between them keeping them just far enough apart from each other that their hands would never truly reach in the way his did with his best friend–the only person Haru wouldn’t hesitate to say would never leave his side.
It’s stupid, but if it weren’t for Makoto, he’d be sure anyone could leave him at any given moment. Instead, it’s Haru who ran from him.
He didn’t deserve it, Haru knew that almost immediately after his words that ended the fight left his mouth. There had always been Haru and Makoto, even before swimming got in the mix. However, the incident with Rin left Haru in a vulnerable state with his feelings freshly exposed. Then their Third Year came sooner than anticipated. Makoto hid his feelings well, but Haru always knew when the smile on his face wasn’t a real one. There’s a stiffness and almost like a chill that runs up Haru’s back. Like staring down the slope of the uncanny valley, there was something wrong with its place in the universe in a way Haru couldn’t describe into words. If he were anyone else, it’s a feeling that would go straight over his head.
When he got off the plane, he almost immediately spotted Makoto shyly waving at the two of them. There was a chilling radiance behind his smile, like the world stops every time for it putting everything in slow-motion like the last few seconds of airtime before his body plunges into a body of water. It’s in that second of nothingness he can feel the rush of everything returning once more as if he’d been hit by a train of unexplainable emotions.
That cold feeling returned to him, with a tense weight in his stomach as Rin escorted him over to the person he’d originally left just to get away from. There was a pull to it too, like the tide, almost asking him to throw his whole self into the feeling and try not to get swept under. But one wrong move might mean losing everything forever.
“Welcome home,” Makoto says, bringing air back to his desperate lungs.
He hadn’t known he’d been holding his breath. There’s something intangible in the space between them, he’s sure Makoto can sense it too. Rin tries to stay quiet beside them, letting the two figure it out progressively. His best friend’s smile doesn’t falter, like a statement to Haru that no matter what he’s thinking or feeling, nothing was going to take away his place in the boy’s heart. That place was somewhere Haru thought of as home, but only because of the person that it belonged to, the only person who knew him inside enough to often capture Haru’s feelings before he could recognize them himself.
In middle school, Nao implied Makoto’s nosiness was one of his weaknesses but Haru always thought the unconditional support made his love unique and beautiful in a way only he is capable of. At the same time, it scared him that one day that cold feeling might come and never go again, that the reason behind it would be lost and unnoticed. Haru didn’t want to think himself capable of inflicting such pain, yet now he stood in front of Makoto in the aftermath of everything that had recently happened between them.
All sorts of feelings, new and old, piled on top of him before he could see they were there.
“I am home,” Haru can just barely whisper.
Take a step forward, Haruka.
Because he didn’t want it to end there. He had so many thoughts at the back of his mind, too afraid to say, but the last thing he wanted to do was say nothing at all. Nagisa and Rei hadn’t come with Makoto, he’d shown up by himself out of his own volition even though the last thing that happened between them was their first fight.
What he learned from it was that he never wanted to fight with him again. In order to make that goal happen, he needed to end the one they were already in for good.
Rin bids them goodbye. Makoto was almost about to turn so that they could start their long trek back to their neighborhood, but Haru threw a hand out to catch his wrist before he could string together the thoughts that still floated around in his mind. Makoto gasped, jaw hung slightly open as he turns to give Haru all of his attention. He does that so willingly, unconditionally. Haru’s thoughts just keep circling around themselves.
“Is there something wrong?” Makoto tilts his head; the tension between them was obvious despite him trying to push it down.
“G-give me a moment to think.”
Another step forward. They don’t break eye-contact.
“I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”
What did Haru need? He thought about it previously, but he could boil down his needs to two things: swimming and being best friends with Makoto Tachibana. After another step, and another step, he comes to realize the latter part might not be entirely true. Makoto is Makoto, who shouldn’t feel like he should change himself or walk on eggshells around him. He will always have a place in Haru's heart, and should never feel as though that place is in danger.
There needed to be a way to reassure him.
“I’m sorry,” Haru starts.
Haru was about to start explaining himself, but Makoto quickly interjected with, “Yeah… I’m sorry t–”
“Shut up!” Haru finally snaps. D-Don’t be ridiculous. There’s nothing for you to apologize for Makoto, so quit looking so hard on yourself and tell me how you really feel! Because I’m… so happy to see you!”
Why was he crying? Haru couldn’t answer this himself. He tried to look away from Makoto, with a silent pout on his lips, but his eyes told a louder story. Makoto stares straight ahead, mouth hung open in shock. The last time Haru got this way was when he’d avoided him in middle school and refused to eat any of the food he had sent up.
Haru acted like such a kid sometimes.
“Haru…”
“I missed you so much.”
“I should have told you about my plans, or even come up with them with you. But I won’t act like I wasn’t a little afraid of losing you for good when you ran away from me. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
“It was my responsibility to be somebody that you could have gone to. You always bury your feelings with a smile, sometimes I can’t tell. I’m so afraid of people leaving me… it’s like I felt in front of the college scouts, but I didn’t want it to be you too. Anybody, but you. Then you said you were leaving me, and I thought I’d missed something once again. It’s the truth, I don’t care about swimming competitively as much as I want you to be in my life.”
Makoto gasps, “So that’s how you took it?”
‘How else was I supposed to take it?”
“Haru, I lo –”
“ You’re my dream, Mako!”
“-- ve you. Anywhere I go, I just assumed we would be beside each other. The reason I wanted you to think about your dream was because, well… you belong in the water, like a little dolphin. The way you swim is so beautiful that it mesmerizes me sometimes and I need a moment to take it all in.”
Their faces had gotten super close in the midst of the argument. Haru’s cheeks turned pink, but Makoto was too nervous to think about anything in the moment other than how much he didn’t want to lose the person in front of him.
Haru kissed Makoto first, because this was the second time the boy told him he loved him and didn’t want to risk waiting for a third for him to say it again. The movement felt so natural, Makoto’s arm already gone around his neck to pull him closer. It almost made him feel like an idiot, as if the universe was laughing at him that it took this long to figure out that this needed to happen to satisfy an unconscious urge, like an itch he’d never been able to scratch. There was always something there he felt he needed to break deeper into between them, but never knew what to call it. They’d always been best friends, but neither of them had actually questioned each other if there could have possibly been something more.
Haru’s words had struck Makoto so suddenly, from a person who never knew what to say and therefore never said anything. He knew Haru’s paranoia of losing those closest to him, that’s why he initially felt skeptical of his sudden reappearance. However, he was happy the two of them became friends in the end and close rivals because Rin motivated Haru to continue doing what he so obviously loved. He reached his hands out, gingerly grabbing Haru’s wrists, and led him closer. Makoto sets his chin on his head.
But it wasn’t the only thing Haru loved. “We’ll stay together wherever we end up because I love you, too… Mako-chan.”
“D…D-Don’t call me-- Chan !” He tries to cover Haru’s mouth with his hand, as if he said something he shouldn't have.
“Why, you do it?” Haru’s voice is muffled.
Red rose to Makoto’s face and he stumbled over a list of various reasons Haru didn’t really hear because he’s focused on his reaction. Haru’s face remained stoic as he tried to retort when Makoto removed his hand, only to be immediately replaced by a kiss. Haru gave up that battle in order to win the war, savoring the feeling and warmth between them.
“I hope I’m not dreaming,” Makoto rubs circles against his back with his hands.
“I’m right here?”
“Still, I might pinch myself.”
“Please don’t worry anymore,” Haru pleaded.
The tight grip around his back told Haru that Makoto was having trouble accepting this was finally happening. He felt as though if he let Haru slip through his fingers, he might just wake up in bed with this all having been a dream. Haru honestly couldn’t imagine how they hadn’t ended up like this before, with so many places they could have easily started that wouldn’t have resulted from them fighting.
Makoto didn’t care about where it began as long as it was happening. He didn’t want to anymore, but there was a saying he’d heard about things that seemed too good to be true. Haru was always one of those things.
“There’s so many things I’ve been wanting to tell you,” Makoto finally says; there’s tears at the back of his eyes too.
“I’m not letting go anytime soon.”
“I believe you.”
“Thanks.”
Makoto took a deep breath of relief. They eventually let each other go and continue their walk home like everything was back to normal.
Except this time, they walked with their hands joined together. Makoto didn’t stop smiling until they arrived back to see Nagisa and Rei sat on the stairs waiting for them. They both noticed the change between the two. He wiggled his eyebrows, only to receive a slap upside the head from Rei.
“Hey, you two,” He jumps to his feet before Rei can stop him. “Did you have a good time, Haru? Find what you were looking for?”
Haru smiles, “I have.”
“Great, glad everyone’s back to normal for Nationals,” Rei exhales, pushing his glasses impossibly further up his nose. “I don’t know about you all, but I’ve been worried sick!”
“No matter what happens, we’re all swimming together,” Haru assures them.
…