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Max felt like he stood in the hallway for hours.
It was past midnight, perhaps even later but he had not been able to fall asleep. Of course he was a bit nervous about tomorrow, about the race, even if his position was good being on pole. But he was even more anxious about his girls, his family, and his husband.
Senna and Emilia were staying with Lewis that night, as they had stayed with Max the race before. It was difficult for the girls to have their dad's sleep in different rooms. Max and Lewis often did so at races, but the girls knew it was different now.
Max had been able to see it on their faces when he had quickly gone to kiss their heads after the race, when they had been tired and sleepy but had still tried to get Max to stay.
Max missed them like crazy, and also missed Lewis.
The year had been so long, so tough, and with it all almost coming to an end, Max wasn't sure what was going to happen next.
He wasn't sure what he wanted to happen next.
He just knew that tonight, he wanted to be with his family.
He tentatively dared to knock on Lewis's door after what seemed like hours of contemplation. It seemed to take another hour before the door opened, and Lewis gave him a tired smile.
"Hi." Lewis murmured. Max blushed deeply, lowering his eyes.
"Hello." He answered awkwardly.
He couldn't understand when this had gone so wrong, when they had gone from happy couple to this.
They had been so fucking happy, a perfect couple with the cutest kids and the best job in the world and now Max like he was losing the first two, and not wanting the last anymore.
"I just wanted to check on the kids." Max whispered. Lewis nodded, letting him in. As Max walked past, Lewis's hand brushed over his waist and Max could have cried right there and then. Instead, he walked over to the smaller bedroom adjacent to Lewis's, where the girls were fast asleep. Max walked over to Senna, the oldest, the baby Lewis had carried, first, kneeling down and kissing her cheek. He smiled as she yawned and sleepily blinked up, smiling back at her papa and grabbing his finger.
"Stay?" She asked. Max shook his head, tears truly brimming in his eyes now as he leaned in to press another soft kiss to her dark curls. Senna sniffled but seemed to resign herself to it, throwing her little arms around Max's neck for a moment. Max held her close, stroking her hair and whispering sweet nothings until he could feel Senna falling asleep against him.
He tucked her in safely, before turning to the crib with little Emilia, who was deep asleep and had not woken up from the noise. The little demon had been a surprise, a surprise Max had carried happily for 9 months and sometimes Max still couldn't believe she was there. She looked a lot like Senna, but her hair was lighter, and where Senna's eyes were blue, Emilia's were a soft hazel.
But both his daughters were perfect.
"Sleep well, little angel." Max murmured, tucking Emilia's toy bunny in with her before straightening up to stare at his kids for a long moment.
He reluctantly left the room and closed the door, so deep in thought he had barely remembered Lewis was still there.
"They miss you." Lewis said. He had sat down on the edge of the bed, dressed in sweats and a sweater and looking so cuddly and warm, so like the guy Max had fallen for all those years ago. He couldn't resist sitting down on the edge of the bed too, although he kept an awkward distance between them while he fiddled with the slim wedding band on his finger.
"What is going to happen?" Max asked softly, not meeting Lewis's eye.
"Tomorrow?" Lewis tensed a bit. Max tensed too, wanting to flee, but he stayed put.
" After tomorrow." Max breathed out, squeezing his eyes shut.
"What do you want to happen?" Lewis said slowly. Max let out a sob.
"I don't know." He shook his head, springing to his feet and trying to get to the door when he ran into Lewis, who had gotten up with him and caught him when he stumbled. Lewis's hands were warm on his arms and Max let out another broken sound.
"Look at me, Max." Lewis's voice wavered too, and when Max looked up, he found tear tracks on Lewis's cheeks.
He brushed them away on instinct and Lewis laughed breathlessly.
"I don't want to lose you." Lewis said. Max bit his bottom lip to stop it from trembling.
"I don't want to lose you either." Max answered, bringing his hands up to curl them in the fabric of Lewis's sweater over his shoulders.
It felt like their first dance all over again, but they had been laughing then, giddy with emotions and champagne and kissing each other every three seconds because they each had a husband now.
Max would give anything to relive that day.
"Would you be proud of me? If I won? Or would you resent me?" Max whispered. Lewis sighed.
"I would be sad to lose, of course, but I would still be proud of you." He murmured, noses bumping together softly.
This was the most closeness they had had in weeks now.
"Same." Max replied.
Lewis had always been better at explaining his feelings.
Maybe there was hope.
"Fight for the championship turn into fight in private life; is the dream marriage over for Max and Lewis?"
"Max Verstappen seen moving out of house shared with husband Lewis Hamilton"
"Who is getting Senna and Emilia? Sources say Verstappen and Hamilton are fighting for custody."
The headlines had haunted Max for weeks. Yes, he had googled how to file for divorce, yes, he had considered doing so.
But he had never gone that far. Because he loved Lewis too much, and even through it all, that love stayed.
"I…" Max started awkwardly, taking a step back from Lewis, the Brit's touch overwhelming him. "Can we go see a relationship therapist? I found one in Monaco." He whispered hoarsely. Lewis seemed surprised. He had tried to get Max to go to therapy, relationship focused or otherwise, many times, but Max had always refused.
"Yes, please." Lewis sighed out with a soft smile, stepping forward to kiss Max's cheek. "Thank you." He added, and Max just fell right back into his arms, face nosed in Lewis's neck.
Nothing made him feel more safe.
He had even buried his face in Lewis's neck like that when he had been in labor, whispering about how he couldn't do it while Lewis just answered saying how strong Max was, and how he was safe with him…
Even the pain of labor seemed nothing to the aching of Max's heart now.
"I love you." Max mouthed against Lewis's neck, more tears falling as Lewis held him tight.
"I love you too Max. So fucking much." Lewis cried softly.
Their lips met in a sloppy, shaky kiss, one that said everything left unsaid the past months, when they let a trophy get in the way of their happiness.
"Papa? Daddy?" Senna's little voice rang out. She stood in the doorway of the kid's room, teddy bear held against her chest as she rubbed at her eyes. "Are you getting a d'vorce?" She asked, voice trembling. Lewis was quick to lift her, pulling Max close again too as the little girl fearfully looked up at them.
"No." Lewis said, after a long look at Max. "Papa and I struggled a lot, but it will get better and we still love each other very much." He explained. Max nodded too, leaning against Lewis and brushing a stray tear of Senna's round cheek.
"Why don't we go on holiday together? When this is over?" Max said softly. "Go somewhere where the press can't find us and just find our family again." Lewis kissed him softly again and Max felt like when they had just fallen in love, addicted to the older's kisses.
"Go see snow?" Senna asked excitedly, and both her dads nodded. Max padded away for a moment to get Emilia, who made some grumpy noises at being woken up at the noise.
She really was a lot like Max already.
"Stay for a bit?" Lewis asked, nodding at the bed.
Max was already on his way there, smiling softly as he pulled the covers back and crawled in with Emilia. Lewis laid down opposite him, taking Max's hand and pressing a kiss over the wedding ring as the girls got comfortable between them.
"To the moon…" Lewis whispered hesitantly.
"...and back a million times." Max replied, without hesitation, and Lewis eased.
"May the best man win tomorrow." Max added after a moment of silence, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Lewis's lips. Lewis nodded back at him.
"And may we find peace after." He added, curling close to the girls without ever letting go of Max's hand.
Max loved his little family so fucking much