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“Lori, pasensya na uli ha? Gusto kitang samahan kaso pinapauwi na ako sa amin eh,” Jamie said, as she fixed herself sa bathroom ni Lorelei.
“No worries, minsan mo lang makasama yung kapamilya mo kaya I understand it, don’t worry,” Lorelei replied, habang kinuha ang bag ni Jamie na nasa sofa at binigay niya ito sa kanya. “Sumabay ka na lang kay Loki since isang way naman yung dadaanan niyo. Message me if nakarating ka na sa inyo.”
“Yes, nasabihan ko na rin si Loki nung tumawag si tita. Merry Christmas uli. I love you,” Jamie said habang palabas na s’ya sa room niya.
“Dahan-dahan lang! ‘Wag tumakbo!”
Lorelei smiled as Jamie looked back, waving her goodbye. As she closed the door, bumulagta sa kanya ang gulo sa living area niya. Confettis and glitters scattered around, disarranged letter balloons that spelled, “Merry Christmas QED 4!” and bottles of cokes and wines on the floor. Lorelei can’t help but think kung gaano sila kagulo kanina. But she is glad that Loki and Jamie enjoyed their mini party.
She volunteered to be the host sa Christmas party nila this year, since sa kanya lang ang free na unit. Nakakahiyang maki-Christmas party kina Loki and Jamie dahil siyempre yung family nila (or kamag-anak ni Jamie in her case) ang magce-celebrate doon, and Alistair went to Manila to celebrate with his family.
Instead of stressing kung gaano ka gulo yung mga gamit nila sa living room niya, she softly smiled. Ngayon lang s’ya nakaranas ng Christmas party na wala masyadong iniisip since that whole M fiasco is finally over. But she is contemplating if she should sleep, and let this maternalized chaos wait for her tomorrow—or maybe later morning rather—or should she fix things para bukas maaliwalas ang gising niya?
So she chose to clean the living room, kasi if hahayaan niya pa, tatamarin na s’ya. At least makakatulog s’ya kaagad dahil sa pagod at sa wine na nainom nila kanina.
Before she start, nagpatugog muna s’ya sa phone niya from her playlist. Nakasanayan niya nang magpatugtog ng kahit anong kanta before she do her household chores. She often feel lonely especially na nakasanayan na niya na may kasama s’ya sa apartment—or condo na ngayon. So to soothe her lonely soul, she plays music. Para maramdaman niya naman na may kasama s’ya kahit papaano.
The melancholy of the song echoed in each corner of her living room, making her hum along with the melody. Hindi s’ya masyadong familiar sa kanta, but she sure liked it. I should check the song later on, she thought.
After cleaning her condominium, saktong natapos yung mini-playlist niya. Loneliness arrived in her unit. Wala naman s’yang magawa, since hindi rin s’ya makakauwi sa kanila. The wounds from the past are still fresh, and she cannot try to take a risk—not until she is fully healed from the traumas she has encountered.
She cannot help but sigh. She turned on her television, as she watched people singing Christmas carols, and sat on the floor. Para kahit papaano, magkakaroon ng buhay ang madilim niyang unit. She felt Hypnos cradling her, so she put her head on the sofa, and closed her eyes.
She almost fell asleep, not until someone knocked on her door three times.
She rubbed her eyes, wore her slippers, and walked towards the door. “Saglit lang.”
As she opens the door, napatalon s’ya sa gulat. “Oh my God, I thought that you were in Manila right now.”
Alistair smiled at her, showing off his dazzling smile as he waved a box of cake in front of her. “Well…not anymore?”
“I thought na sa Sunday ka pa babalik?”
“I decided to celebrate here with you—ouch naman Lori,” napahimas siya sa kanyang braso nang hampasin ito ni Lorelei (in her defense mahina lang naman ‘yon.)
“You should celebrate it with your family ano ba. Magtatampo na sina tita sa ginawa mo,” Lorelei said, as she let him in.
“They let me stay here with you, do not worry about it,” he said as he ruffled Lorelei’s hair, and smiled once again. “I hope na hindi ka pa gaano ka busog, kasi kakain tayo ngayon.”
They both settled at Lorelei’s kitchen room and sliced the cake. Alistair looked at Lorelei, adoringly as she revealed the cake. “Eto yung kinakain natin na cake sa Manila ‘di ba?” He nodded. “Nice, ang tagal ko na rin ‘tong hindi nakain.”
Silence ensues as they eat. Just like the old times.
Lorelei stood up and grabbed two wine glasses, and a bottle of wine. “Gusto mo?” Alistair declined, so binigyan niya na lang ito ng juice.
“You are drinking wine now?”
“Doc said na I should try to drink one wine glass, to help ease my insomnia if hindi talaga ako makatulog,” Lorelei said.
“Do you still have difficulty sleeping pa rin?”
“Unfortunately,” Lorelei said, as she looked down. “Kahit okay na ang lahat, lagi ko pa rin napapanaginipan yung nangyari sa araw na ‘yon. But don’t get me wrong! Mas nagiging okay na ako. Hindi na ako masyadong nagpapanic during napapaginipan ko yung pangyayari na ‘yon.”
“If you need someone to talk to, I am one call away,” Alistair said, as he held Lorelei’s hand. “We are here for you, alright? ‘Wag mong i-sarili ‘yan.”
Lorelei nodded. “Do I really deserve you guys?”
“Don’t be silly, of course, you deserve us.”
She cracked a smile, as he assured her with his words.
“Gusto mong manood ng movie like the old times?” Lorelei asked Alistair, as she checked her DVDs in her cabinet.
“Sure! Anong gusto mong panoorin right now?”
“I saw this movie on my news feed sa Facebook kaya binili ko yung DVD nito,” Lorelei held her copy of The Holidays. “Okay lang sa’yo yung Rom-Com?”
“Kahit anong genre lang naman sa akin.” Alistair replied. “Gusto mo popcorn? Ay wait, meron ka ba dito?”
Lorelei nodded, as she pointed at her upper cabinet in her kitchen. “Nandyan yung mga popcorn and chips ko.”
After fixing their snacks, they settled on Lorelei’s living room. But hindi pa naka-kalahati ang movie, Lorelei almost fell asleep. Nararamdaman niya na yung pagod simula ng kaninang umaga. She tried to stay awake, pero there’s no avail.
“Inaantok na ako, can I sleep?” Lorelei muttered sleepily, as she tried to stay awake—which failed her.
Alistair chuckled before he replied. “Go on lang, i-off ko na lang yung television mamaya. Bukas na tayo maglinis ng pinagkainan natin.”
Lorelei nodded, as she put her head on Alistair’s shoulder, not minding the racing heartbeat of the other.
The dialogues between the main characters became their background noise, as they listened to each other’s heartbeats beat together as one.
“Do you know how much I am grateful for you?” Lorelei whispered for him to know. Alistair didn’t answer, but Lorelei knew him like the back of her hand—that he was listening and acknowledging whatever words she muttered. “I know sometimes na nakakainis ako, or nakakapagod akong kasama, but you are still here. Sometimes I wonder if I really deserve you—which clearly I don’t,” she laughed softly.
“Thank you for staying, Al. During those darkest times of mine, up until now. I’ll try to be there for you whenever I can. I hope you’ll stay with me as long as you can if it isn't that selfish enough.”
Silence envelopes as Lorelei doze off. Blinding lights of fireworks started to show outside, signifying it’s already midnight—it’s already Christmas. He cracked a smile, as he planted a soft kiss on Lorelei’s head.
“I will stay as long as I can, don’t worry.” He promised. “I’m here whenever you need me. Even if one day, you’ll push me away.”
He wanted to say more, but he hesitated. Maybe not now , he thought. Maybe in God's will and time, he'll have the courage to say these unspoken words to her.
But for now, he’ll let silence deliver his message, hoping and praying that once his mask shattered—everything will stay the same.
Puhon,
he thought as he closed his eyes, not minding what tomorrow brings. “Puhon, my love.”