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It’s Christmas Eve. Chayoung is exhausted. Jipuragi took on a gruelling case and it was D-day today. Last night, she finally stopped working as per Mr Nam’s advise, but that was already past 11pm and she had to get up extra early this morning to continue prepping. Then came victory for the case and settling the closing administrations before she & Mr Nam finally give each other their Christmas greetings and part ways. They have decided to get a week’s long holiday - “Let’s get back to work in reset mode after celebrating New Year’s Day byeonhosanaemm!” Mr Nam had chirped - they needed it and Jipuragi’s boss herself approves.
Oh and Mr Nam has a date! He is excited and Chayoung feels happy for him, not forgetting to remind him on things he should not do or say on this coming first date. Mr Nam is a very nice guy & Chayoung wishes that this Christmas, he will finally be able to find his right one, someone who is able to see and accept him as he is.
————-
After strolling through the light snow, Chayoung entered a convenience store for warmth. She had wanted to admire the Christmas lights so she made a decision this morning to not drive. But she forgot to calculate that her energy will be drained so the journey back home seems abit too tedious for her now. It’s nearing 9pm and her tummy is grumbling - though no regrets, she love walks.
Chayoung decides then to have her own date with makgeolli, count down together with imaginary V, then have a super good sleep! Grabbing a basket, she sauntered through the aisles of the convenience store.
A bowl of ramen (a must have in this cold weather). 1 vacuum packed braised egg. Sausages. Chips. Almonds. 8 bottles of makgoelli (she have a whole week to clear if she can’t finish it today).
Heck, ice cream feels right too.
———-
Her next obstacle is to walk through a street food famished - there is no way to refrain from temptations so what she wants tonight, she will get.
Tteokbboki. Mandu. Pajeon. Some fish cakes. And one last stop at the end of that street for bunggeopang (it’s the dessert under the street-food category for tonight, she claims in her mind, the types of food has to tally with convenience-store category)
Chayoung knows very well she can’t finish all but she wishes to indulge herself tonight. The consequence is making the trudge back home feels even longer. She smirks at herself for making such choices, but at least the thought of savouring those food lightens her mood a little.
Reaching the gate, she struggled to find her key while holding on to the bags.
Sigh.
If only someone else was around to help take her things she thought, or find the keys. But that’s not thinking independently - she needs to be independent for now so she starts to mentally suggest things to herself like getting an auto gate and hanging the remote at the outer of her bag etc - to be continued when she is less tired.
————-
“Urmphh” she huffed out while pushing the next entrance heavily.
Woah, she did not notice just now that the lights are on.
Then looking up from her bags, her mouth formed into an ‘O’ shape. Hohoho -
There was a nice aroma of tomato something. She can hear soft Christmas jazz and she sees Vincenzo standing by the stove, stirring something.
Wait.
-
What?
Vincenzo’s home?
(Yes she used the word home unknowingly in her head, it was so natural.)
After stun-staring for a few seconds, she guffawed at the sight in front of her then squeals out “What the!!”, hands releasing the bags as she covers her mouth and jumps in excitement.
Vincenzo had turned to face her then, his cheeky smirk raising into a grin.
It was May when Chayoung last saw him at the gallery. She did not expect to see the person she was longing-for-but-masking-it so soon. What a pleasant surprise indeed!
Especially with the mental and physical state she is in now, seeing him made her even more emotional.
They were just smiling at each other & neither of them spoke a word.
Just moments ago while walking back, Chayoung had been pondering over how she was living these few months. Geumga Cassano family had brought her great warmth and she loved them. But personally, she was worn out - and there was really no one else to freely talk to. No one with the correct depth which she needs to approve before sharing her troubles. She was drained from her work as she begins to solve everything legally again. The amount of extra effort Jipuragi needs to put in to make things work shoot up tremendously. But the Guillotine file is still useful being her compass, directing her on topics she can touch on without that kind of threatenings. She knows that she can ace handling things the illegal way. It’s just that she feels more assured when Vincenzo is around.
Just moments ago, she have decided to let herself wallow in negativity, only for tonight.
Not knowing how things will turn out - that uncertainty makes every human being uneasy. She’s feeling empty and lost. If she wants to wait, what can she learn or do to help her live better while tackling with the loneliness & longing? Should she hope for anything to happen? But hope for what exactly to happen? There is an empty space in her heart. Yes she trusts him and she knows that Vincenzo believes in her too. If anything bad really happens, she knows she will survive and live on. But she is unsure how long a time she should give him, or herself, knowing deep down that there will never be a time limit to when she will love him till. It’s rationality-against-intuition turmoil in her thoughts daily. Her mental self care is lacking and she desperately needs to find a solution.
And sometimes when it’s time to deal with the emotions, she just wants to cry it out.
Chayoung slowly shuffled across to stand in front of him. She was beaming, albeit wearily.
Vincenzo, not moving his eyes away from her, slowly stretched out his arms and said softly:
“Come here”
With glistening eyes that were focusing on his face, Chayoung wrapped her arms around his waist, gave a soft sigh and melted into him.
Chayoung feels she is very lucky that she can still find the right life partner at her age - she thought she would never, with the environment she was in.
Someone with the right amount of depth.
Whose presence itself brings her comfort and initiates her to drop down her barriers and display freely whatever emotions she is feeling.
Someone who is her anchor.
It took her a few moments while burying her face further into his chest to realise that her water dams are leaking. And Vin felt the hitched breathings.
“Are you crying?” he tilted his head downwards and questioned gently.
“Just- , just let me be like this for awhile” Chayoung sobs out.
He nodded and started to rub circles on her shoulder. Sobs turning into cries as she squeezed themselves to stick even tighter together, recharging.
In some people’s life, the partner they love might have habits and tempers that makes daily living difficult - and yet, the emotional bond and guilt makes it hard for them to leave the toxicity.
Chayoung is glad her’s is an almost perfect one. Vincenzo doesn’t make her feel tired when he is around her. Intriguing, charming, endearing, butterflies in tummy and assurance- he gave her the feelings and so much more good ones. He was always considerate of her, letting her learn in different ways. While loving themselves, Vincenzo nurtures Chayoung and vice versa. They have the same understanding on how life partners should be. No expectations from each other, just understanding and acceptance. This was how she deemed that he is the right person for her and it was reciprocated. Even though she didn’t know how long she has to wait - in which, that was the only exhaustion he gives her but she willingly endures.
They were both healing and enjoying the warmth in each other’s cradle, the longing was obvious. Chayoung’s hug had loosened after the climax of her cries but Vincenzo hugs her back tightly - his precious pillow. Bringing up one hand to stroke her hair, he nuzzled into her hair and Chayoung could faintly feel his pressed kisses.
“How long do you have?” she slurred.
“As long as we want. Im cleared.” he nonchalantly replied then smiled widely as he felt Cha young do the same through his tear-stained shirt.
“Yah, what if I brought another man home? It’s Christmas Eve you know? Are you that confident?” sniffling, Chayoung suddenly tilted her head upwards to look at him.
He looks at the ceiling and pretends to think hmmmm before gazing down and chuckling - “If you bring a man back happy, I’ll let you. I’ll leave then. As long as you are happy.” he whispered tenderly, bringing up his hands to caress her jaws then cupping her neck. Oh how long ago since I touched her like this. He truly missed and yearned for it.
“I’ll be really sad though. But I’ll let you go your way, as long as that’s what you want.” he continued with a pout.
Omo omo, what a childish face. Chayoung snorts and laughed out, smacking his shoulders.
‘So beautiful’ he thoughts. He is so whipped.
“Ouh yahh, when did you become so RRrrrromantikaa~? Yet. Cute.” she rolled the R and stressed the last two words with raising eyebrows and lips. She deserves a peck on the lips for teasing his way of confessing (that he loves her so much he is willing to let her go, however she deems is the best for herself).
Giggling, Chayoung suddenly paused and made a face. “Ah! I dont think we have enough makgeolli tonight already then”, she thought aloud.
Vincenzo glanced at her and smirked. Walking away to lift up a carton onto the dining table.
“Not to worry, Mademoiselle” he winked and smiled.
‘Aish he still so handsome wae’ Chayoung thoughts to herself and bit back her grin.
“That’s a lot!” she commented.
“It’s not a problem, we have a whole week anyway” V replies.
“HA! True that! Haha! —- hey. Yah! How did you know we have a week??” she asked with a bewildered face.
A playful sneer plastered on Vin’s face.“Cheetah’s owner.”
“Cheetah’s owner? .. Mr Nam??”
*Chayoung’s brain processing*
——————-
“Have a Merry Christmas with Mr Cassano, byeonhosanaemm!”
——————
No wonder it feels weird! She recalls Mr Nam chirped that sentence to her with an extra smiley face before they split. She even got a little embarrassed because
she thought he knew she talks to imaginary Vincenzo & that he was trying to maybe help lift her mood by mentioning Mr Cassano then. Though it was because of HIM mentioning Cassano that triggered Chayoung into that depressing mood just now.
Gosh.
She is so gonna kick Cheetah when she interrogates Mr Nam next week.
—————-
Just like the old days, they decided to wash up first before diving into makgoelli session. This time it’s also a lonely-turned-heartening Christmas Eve dinner.
It was only two bottles of makgoelli later, they automatically stopped drinking. Both didn’t say out but they just knew that they want to spend tonight with each other awake rather than drinking till drunk.
Waiting for the countdown, they snuggled on the sofa while sharing their stories, hearts continuing to beat wildly especially with the intimacy. Everything feels so surreal yet it is so real.
“It’s time it’s time soon!” Chayoung squealed out suddenly, eyes staring at the clock. Vincenzo can’t help but to chuckle.
Capturing the correct seconds as per the clock, double voices:
“10,
9,
8,
7,
6,
5,
4,
3,
2,
1!
Merry Christmas!”
Gazing into her eyes,
“I love you Chayoung-ah”, Vincenzo whispered near her lips, she glowed.
“I missed you crazily” Chayoung avidly replied and proceeded to guzzle on her partner’s lips, in which he enthusiastically requited.
—————
They fell asleep quite soon after. It’s a relatively short night compared to previous sessions when they talked till the wee hours. But it’s different. It’s more fulfilling (and ever precious) this time and moving forward, because (thank god it is so soon) - there is no uncertainty on his return anymore, they can finally make things official.
Vincenzo woke up to a sleepy nuzzle from Chayoung on his cheek. She fell back asleep soon after. Her breathe smells of alcohol and spicy tomato meat, hint of vanilla ice cream. It’s fine. He still thinks she’s cute, still likes her so so much. He smells of alcohol and abit of food smoke but Chayoung buries her face into his chest anyway.
Of course, Vincenzo’s heart aches for her. How weary she has grown to be with whatever she is dealing with, but she is a strong woman. He also feels sorry that he made her wait for a future he doesn’t even know, thank god again all went well.
But he understands that the ups and downs, it’s all part of life. And he knows that she knows it too. That’s why she doesn’t complain about her life. Yes sometimes when things are tough and when she is tired, she does grumble. But they know those are just extemporary chunters that mean nothing. He is ever willing to look & laugh at her dramatic expressions whenever she does her antics.
He is still learning how to love Chayoung and so is she, for him.
The ups and downs, it’s all part of life. And for now, they will simply immerse themselves and enjoy the process. Acceptance is one of the best kind of love one human can give to another. Vincenzo’s permanent presence is the best gift Chayoung ever got for Christmas.
And being able to hold Chayoung in his arms like this is a gift Vincenzo will always wish for.