Work Text:
To be honest, dying was not a plan in Park Sunghoon’s “To Accomplish Before 30” list.
Yet here he was, gazing at his now dead body lying in front of him. His already pale skin looked even paler. He was dressed in a very tasteless manner.
Sunghoon clicked his tongue; he was pissed that his best friend and significant annoyance, Park Jay, didn’t comment on the outfit. For all his talk of being the “fashion icon of the century”, Jay didn’t think of burying his best friend in good clothes? Or maybe this was his way of seeking revenge for Sunghoon stealing his ice cream three days ago.
Whatever.
They even made him wear makeup ? Oh god this was the worst day of his life. He was not going to be buried six feet under while his face looked like a six year old went wild with her mom’s makeup kit!
He stared at himself, laying so peacefully in the coffin clad in a black suit, white gloved hands folded over each other on his stomach. His hair was parted in the middle (ew), different from how he styled his hair where his fringe fell over his eyes, and from where Sunghoon was standing, he almost couldn't see the side of his face that was ruined.
Almost.
He willed himself to walk to the other side of his coffin, promptly realising that he didn't even have to move his legs. He could float! Quite literally!
Woah this is so cool!
Sunghoon felt like a toddler on a swing; ecstatic.
He floated gleefully to the other side, but one glance at his face ruined his temporary happiness. Behind the poorly done make-up, he could see scrape marks and cuts, some so deep that he could clearly see how bad they looked even with the poorly done, cakey makeup. He winced; his mom would not like that.
Sunghoon drifted towards the ceiling, finding a niche high up that he only noticed because he passed by it. He sat himself down in it, swinging his legs and staring as the guests started filling into the church.
He spotted some familiar faces; his old skating coach, his little sister’s class teacher, the annoying neighbour that always found a way to get on his nerves, the old flower lady that had a soft spot for Sunghoon, some of his classmates, heck even the old postman was there.
Where was his family though? And his friends?
Then he saw them. The crowd parted for a few people, fully clad in black. Sunghoon saw his mom and dad, his little sister, Jay and Jake, his best friends, all displaying expressions of disbelief and devastation in varying degrees. He was so used to seeing their happy faces that it almost hurt him seeing them so…. broken.
Sunghoon floated down again, hovering beside his best friends as they stared at his unmoving form. Soon, it was Jay’s turn to speak. Jay’s stance, for the first time in his life, was nervous. Sunghoon saw Jay as someone who was confident, strong, and sure of himself, so seeing him so shaken made Sunghoon want to cry; he caused this, intentionally or not.
“Sunghoon…… he was my best friend. He was a little shit most of the time,” a broken laugh that sounded so painful to the listeners' ears, “but he was also the most precious person in my life. He………. He was there for me at times nobody was, he managed to cheer me up even on my worst days… he was truly special. He…. promised he’d be by my side for eternity, you know? Not in a nice way. He said, and I quote, ‘Jay-ah, you won’t get rid of me that easily. I’ll forever be your lovely significant annoyance. If I die before you I’ll make sure to haunt you so you’ll never forget me.’ I laughed it off back then, but looking back, I wish I hadn’t. I…Park Sunghoon, come back you little..”
What followed were the sounds of crying. Jay’s shoulders shook as he weeped aggressively, choked sobs leaving his lips. Jake immediately rushed to his side, draping himself over Jay, yet he too, was sobbing uncontrollably.
Sunghoon floated towards them, and even though he knew they couldn’t feel him, held onto both of them. Jay and Jake froze for a second, but resumed crying.
“Man up, idiot. I don’t want you sobbing on my funeral.” Sulked Sunghoon, hands still tightly holding onto them. As if he heard Sunghoon, Jay’s sobs slowed down till he was taking in shaky breaths. He squared up his shoulders and gently pried Jake off of him, taking in another, shaky breath before he spoke again.
“Park Sunghoon, I know you’re a man of words, so I’m really hoping you’re here, ready to haunt me because I’m not ready to lose you so early. I… I miss you. So much. I got so used to having you by my side all the time that it hurts so bad to not have you here. I…. I'm also sorry for not being your designated stylist for the day. The shock got to me, and by the time I regained my bearings they had already dressed you in a suit. Sorry for that.”
Sunghoon let a quiet laugh escape his lips at that, noticing how, just for a fleeting moment, the heavy atmosphere lightened. This is why he loved Jay; the guy knew how to brighten even the heaviest of atmospheres.
After Jay left the podium, sadness barely concealed, Sunghoon’s figure skating coach walked to the front, right hand held up in a sling, a slight limp as he walked.
“Park Sunghoon had made us all incredibly proud. He brought home the trophy our team was desperately hoping for, for countless years, yet unfortunately, we couldn’t bring him home. The accident lost us the best figure skater of our region, and for that, I am extremely regretful.”
The accident.
Sunghoon didn’t remember much. He vaguely recollected feeling ecstatic, hands tightly clutching his newly received trophy, speaking excitedly to his mom about his victory. His teammates and coach were chatting animatedly in the back; after all, they had been dreaming of this moment for so long.
Sunghoon’s face held a huge grin as he rambled on about how he was complimented for his moves, his grace, his expressions, his mom proudly listening to him. His mom, his number one supporter, his favourite person, the one that brought him to this earth and showed him the world of ice skating.
Sunghoon didn’t know that the person who heard his first cry would also be the one to hear his last.
He heard the screech of tires, he heard the driver frantically yelling for help, he remembers screaming as he saw a huge bus, bigger than the one he was in, driving towards them. The headlights of the bus were the last thing he saw, the sound of his mother yelling “SUNGHOON?” was the last he heard, the shattered bits of the window impaling themselves into his side was the last thing he felt.
And then, silence…
Sunghoon’s coach watched in horror as his prized student fell out of the bus, body dragging across the tarred road before he stilled. He was already unconscious. Yes, unconscious , nothing else, he desperately hoped. His boy was going to get up like he did every time he fell on the rink, give him a sheepish smile and a “sorry coach!” and get right back on his feet. But the more he stared, the more hope he lost.
Park Sunghoon was gone.
The burial was a tearful event. The friends and family of Park Sunghoon watched as he was lowered into the six-feet deep hole. Gone forever.
Except he wasn’t. Sunghoon was still there, floating over their heads, waiting in confusion.
Now what?
Ok he was dead, but he’s still here? Where was the user manual for dead people? A map? Tour guide? Anything?
Wasn't a big, black-clad humanoid called the Grim Reaper or whatever supposed to take him into the afterlife? Or was he going to roam earth till the end of time as a stream of consciousness?
(Sunghoon hopes not; he really doesn't want to remain till the end of time if he can't even eat ramen.)
Sunghoon stayed at the graveyard till the last of the guests left.
Then he waited some more.
And some more.
He waited till the sun went down.
He waited till the first rays of the sun peeked over the horizon.
He waited till the birds began singing.
He waited till an old man came in with a bunch of flowers in one hand and a broomstick in the other.
He waited till the old man meticulously cleaned every gravestone.
He waited till the man left one flower at the foot of each gravestone.
He waited.
But nothing happened to him. No Reaper came to claim his life. No holy light guided him into the afterlife. Nothing.
Now what?
The third day since Park Sunghoon was pronounced dead, said person was roaming through the streets of Seoul, already bored. He tried going to the places he always wanted to go to, he hung out at the comic book cafe, read comics over strangers’ shoulders, and watched kids play football in the fields. Heck, he even went to the kids’ arcade, even though he passed right through the rides.
But he was already bored, and there was nothing he could do.
Now he was chilling in an alleyway, bored out of his wits. He wasn’t exhausted, per se, because souls couldn’t really feel anything, but he sure felt close.
The sudden sound of approaching footsteps jolted Sunghoon from his temporary train of thoughts. He was about to bolt before he remembered that technically, nobody could see him even if he wanted to, so he continued to float in his little corner.
But Sunghoon’s little bubble of peace was disrupted mere seconds later.
He looked up from the ground as the footsteps sounded awfully close to him, finding himself face to face with the most beautiful man he had ever laid his eyes upon. The man was not looking at him, yet Sunghoon could tell that he was heartachingly pretty even in the oversized ugly green shirt he was wearing.
The guy mindlessly pushed back his bangs, exposing his pretty eyes and for some reason Sunghoon found him adorably funny. When the guy’s bangs fell right back, much to his annoyance, Sunghoon let out a little giggle.
He was not gonna hear him anyway, right?
Wrong .
As soon as the giggle left Sunghoon’s lips, the pretty guy froze in place. He raised his head and stared straight at Sunghoon, eyes widening further and further as the seconds ticked by.
And then, much to Sunghoon’s surprise (and annoyance), Pretty guy let out the loudest scream ever.
Sunghoon’s raised his eyebrow at that. Now why the heck was Pretty guy screaming? As Sunghoon watched, Pretty guy stopped screaming, bringing his hand up to his chest in an effort to calm himself down.
“Holy shit, man, I didn’t see you there. I almost had an out-of-body experience, ha!” Pretty guy’s words were confusing. See him? See Sunghoon?!
“See….. me?” asked Sunghoon, pointing at himself. “Me? You can see me? You can hear me too?!” Pretty guy’s eyebrows were furrowed. He was looking at Sunghoon the way one would stare at a toddler proclaiming he would catch the moon.
“Of course I can, silly! You’re standing right there! And you-” whatever Heeseung was about to say was cut off by another scream, sounding more terrified than before.
“You- YOU- YOUR FACE OHMYGOD-”
Sunghoon blinked, clueless.
And then Sunghoon realised why the other looked and sounded so terrified. Sunghoon had looked to the side for a moment, displaying the destroyed side of his face to the other before he had turned back to the sound of screaming.
The side of his face that the splintered glass had impaled itself against. The side of his face that had scraped against the tarred road as he fell off.
Oh .
The pretty guy really could see him.
But what did that mean? Was Sunghoon going to be visible to everybody now?
“WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!” Pretty guy’s scream brought Sunghoon back to his current dilemma; dealing with this scared little lamb.
“Quit the screaming will you? Jeez, my non-existent eardrums are shrivelling up man.” Sunghoon said with an air of annoyance.
When the man finally calmed down, he stared curiously at Sunghoon, leaning a bit to his side as if to see more of Sunghoon’s face. Sunghoon tilted his head so the pretty guy wouldn't be able to see that side, before clearing his throat.
“Um…. I didn't think you would be able to see me….” he trailed off, unable to tell the other how he was basically talking to a dead person right now.
“What do you mean? And uh… what’s your name? I’m Heeseung. Lee Heeseung.”
“Ah, pretty name for a gorgeous guy, as expected.” Sunghoon whispered, but in the quiet air that surrounded them, Heeseung was able to hear Sunghoon very well. The blush that overtook Heeseung’s features would have made Sunghoon’s heart race, if he still had a heart that is.
“I’m Sunghoon. Park Sunghoon.” Sunghoon didn’t miss the way the other’s eyes widened again. His eyes were already big enough, why were they getting bigger every time Sunghoon even moved?
“S- Sunghoon?! Park?! The figure skater? But I thought you-” Heeseung sputtered, and if one looked hard enough they could see the gears turning desperately in his head, trying to come up with a logical enough possibility to explain that he had run into a figure skater. An already dead figure skater at that.
“Yeah…” Sunghoon winced, “That's me. I’m… yeah. I’m dead. Except I’m here. So hi.”
Heeseung screamed for the third time that night.
“So you’re dead, but you’re not dead?” Heeseung asked, scratching his neck as he tried to process the information. Sunghoon had, by some miracle, managed to calm Heeseung down. Heeseung then asked Sunghoon to join him for the night, an offer which Sunghoon gladly accepted.
So here they were, in Heeseung’s measly apartment, Heeseung sprawled out on the couch while Sunghoon floated about the living room, curiously inspecting every corner of it.
When he heard Heeseung’s question, Sunghoon winced, unsure of how to explain his predicament to the other. To be honest he had no idea himself.
“Well idk what I am to be honest, Lee…” Sunghoon spoke as he inspected an oddly shaped vase balanced precariously on top of a bunch of old cd packs.
“Did you- Did you just use ‘idk’ in an actual, face-to-face conversation?” Heeseung was thoroughly amused, to say the least.
“I did. Being friends with a Korean-American and an Australian does that to you. They can and will speak in code till you scream.” Sunghoon replied absent-mindedly, now entertaining himself by passing through the single couch.
“Huh…. also, what um… your face, why’s it like that?” That seemed to snap Sunghoon out of his temporary couch-induced bliss. He froze for a second, thinking of how to kindly break it to Heeseung that he very much had an accident that left him, well, dead, and in such a state, but Heeseung mistook his silence.
“Oh. Oh I’m so sorry I.. I didn’t mean to overstep or like, diss you or something, You’re obviously very pretty… like, the prettiest person I’ve ever seen.. Or soul? Oh does this mean I can say you got a beautiful soul? I mean, you’re-”
“Do you ever shut up? Jeez…” Sunghoon cut off Heeseung’s ramblings; Sunghoon was never fond of rambling. Heeseung had the audacity to look annoyed.
“Oh I apologise, your Iciness.” Heeseung bit back, “iciness” seeping through his words.
And there began the odd relationship of human Lee and ghost Park.
Only later that day, as Heeseung finally got to take a bath after his very long day, did it sink in that he was now gonna share his apartment with a goddamn ghost.
He didn’t know if he should feel happy about finally having company, or mortified (imagine waking up to a floating, hauntingly beautiful dude with half a face floating right above your bed), or downright depressed because no human would willingly accompany him in his lonely life.
(ok maybe he was being dramatic but shh, let him be)
The realisation made him accidentally drop the shampoo bottle he was reaching for, eliciting a yelp from him.
“Ah, shoot. Whyyy?” he whined, staring at the bathroom floor that now had a pool of shampoo on it. He looked up to his mirror to find his dishevelled self staring back at him pathetically.
His hair was a mess, ruffled continuously from hours of practice. His eyes, the very ones that were praised for being so pretty, were sunken, previously applied eyeliner blending into the dark circles lining them. His lips were a permanent pout at this point, dry and looking worn down from the constant abuse his teeth subjected them to.
Sunken cheeks, droopy eyes, slumped shoulders and a body that looked so much thinner without the stylish clothes that usually adorned it. Where was the handsome boy that everybody saw him as?
Heeseung let out another whine when he noticed how tired and sad he looked, but the whine turned into a scream as a face popped right next to his mirror.
“PARK SUNGHOON WHAT THE F- oh my god dude what was that for?!” Heeseung yelled, still calming himself down from the scare.
“What did I tell you about screaming? And I came to check on you because I heard a crash.” Sunghoon sulked, glaring menacing daggers at Heeseung.
“I- I guess I have to get used to having no privacy with you around huh? Whateve- OH!” And he slopped on the spilled shampoo.
Great.
He was gonna fall, crack his skull open and leave his pathetic excuse of a life on earth. Maybe he was gonna join this Sunghoon dude and like, travel the world or something. He wanted to see Paris, just to see if the city lived up to its rave. Maybe take a trip to Greece or something too and oh? Why hasn’t he hit the floor yet?
It was then that he felt the cold arms gripping his waist tightly. He cracked one eye open tentatively to find wide eyes staring right back at him. Wide, beautiful eyes of one Park Sunghoon.
When he saw Heeseung slip, Sunghoon had lurched forward without thinking, forgetting the fact that he was a ghost who could not hold contact with anything or anyone, but he was extremely surprised when his hands were met with warm skin. Wait, what now?
Heeseung stared at the eyes above him. Pretty , his mind supplied. Heeseung had heard that the eyes of dead people, of ghosts, held no emotion, no depth, nothing that made them seem like they had life in them. Yet where he expected to find deep, bottomless void, he found pretty diamonds. Two eyes, brimming with life. Two galaxies filled with the brightest stars.
His eyes roamed over the face of Park Sunghoon. Thick eyebrows that framed his delicate eyes, the right side of his face held a round cheek, softer-looking than a marshmallow, and if Heeseung squinted hard enough, he could imagine the blush that would’ve painted itself there, over snow white skin, when the boy still had blood coursing through him. A single mole perched on the right side of his nose bridge, a cute little thing.
The left side of his face was so scary to look at, yet like everything about him, it was pretty in a way. Beautiful on its own. Muscles that presented itself at the lack of skin, deep gashes that should’ve been oozing his life essence, so marred, so horrifying, so painful yet so, so beautiful.
Without thinking, his hand went up and gently cupped the left side of his face. His finger gently traced around the scars, and the galaxies covered themselves from his sight. Sunghoon closed his eyes for a moment, relishing in the warmth of the other’s hand.
Heeseung’s eyes wandered again, to the pretty pink petals that parted to let out a breathy “Heeseung…”
Suddenly, the galaxies he was admiring seemed much closer, the soft, pink petals were a hair’s breadth away from his own, chapped ones. One single movement, just a little bit closer, and he’d feel the petals embracing him.
Just a little bit….. Just…… a little….
The next thing Heeseung remembers is landing unceremoniously on the floor, startled by the doorbell ringing annoyingly loudly. He knew he was blushing till his toes, but he busied himself with dressing up as fast as possible to find the person who ruined the moment. Sunghoon let out a fake cough and hovered awkwardly for a moment, hands folded behind his back.
“Um… I’ll…. Be in the living room?” Heeseung nods curtly, and Sunghoon disappears through the wall.
He stared at himself in the mirror once again. Eyes blown wide, lips parted in surprise, and just like he had thought, he looked like someone dunked him headfirst into a tub of red paint, all the way to his shoulders.
He almost made out with a ghost. How embarrassing!
Sunghoon was sitting on the couch when Heeseung finally came out of the bathroom.
Sitting was a grand term to describe the way Sunghoon was being, though. He had manoeuvred himself into a position that looked like he was sitting, back ramrod straight and legs parallel to the ground like he a little kid whose legs couldn't quite reach the end of the couch, and had placed himself right on top of the couch, except half of him had passed through the couch so it looked like he was emerging from it.
Heeseung let out a snort when he witnessed this scene and made a bee-line for the door, opening it to find a familiar mess of black hair.
Choi. Beomgyu. The little shit-
Choi Beomgyu, a lethal combination of singer, dancer and producer, and resident Lee Heeseung anti (read: Heeseung’s best friend since diapers). The brat had a history of interrupting Heeseung at the worst possible timings, and it seems today was no exception.
“What do you want now you brat?” Heeseung fumed, barely containing his annoyance (not that he was trying to conceal it in the first place).
“Hello to you too Heeseungie. I’m doing great, thank you for asking! Aww I love you too! Are you doing well, sweetie?” Beomgyu mocked, inviting himself into the apartment. For a second Heeseung panicked, remembering that his ghost companion was chilling in the living room, but when he saw Beomgyu walking right through said ghost, his worries dissipated.
Sunghoon, on the other hand, was now counting how many times he could pass through the newcomer before he got bored, much to Heeseung’s chagrin. Now how was he supposed to hold in the giggles when his best friend was standing right in front of him?
“Dude, full offense, you look like you’re constipated.” Beomgyu barely dodged the slipper that flew from Heeseung’s hand.
“Are you here to annoy me, or do you have a purpose?” Heeseung settled himself next to Beomgyu as he spoke.
“Aww Heeseungie my love you know you’re my everything right?”
Pause.
Heeseung looked unimpressed. Beomgyu looked ready to burst from laughter. Before he could think up another scenario involving himself, Beomgyu and a painful death by strangulation, Beomgyu spoke up, effectively saving the Beomgyu of Heeseung’s imagination from his ultimate doom.
“Yeah right, so, you know Taehyun?”
“Taehyun? Kang? The dude who sings with me?” Heeseung asked, trying to think of any other Taehyun he might know.
“Yeah him! The pretty dude. I saw him at Yeonjun hyung’s place today and-” whatever Beomgyu was rambling about, Heeseung paid no mind to it, for he was now tasked with trying to maintain his composure as Sunghoon planted himself right behind Beomgyu, pulling the weirdest faces he could muster, as if he was mocking the boy.
Cute .
“..... came to ask if you knew anyth- Dude are you even listening to me?” Heeseung snapped out of his trance to notice Beomgyu staring at him accusingly. He offered his friend a sheepish smile that said ‘no, I wasn't listening’.
“AS I WAS SAYING,” Beomgyu began again, yelling on purpose, “Kang Taehyun. I wanna take him on a date so I came to ask if you know anything about him, like his phone number, his ideal type, how he likes his eggs in the morning, whether he pours milk before cereal or cereal before milk, anything.”
Sunghoon was now making fake kissing noises, puckering his lips from where he was hovering behind Beomgyu. Heeseung bit his lip hard, but when he still felt a giggle threatening to escape his lips, he clenched his hands into fists, fingernails digging into his palms as he thought of a response for Beomgyu.
“I do have his number. But you’re not getting it from me Gyu. I won’t disclose his number to you, since he doesn’t know you personally. But what I will tell you is that he’ll be with me tomorrow, so come meet me when I finish work and you can ask for it directly. Happy?”
Beomgyu tackled him to the couch, yelling “Heeseung my bro the bestest in the world I owe you my life” and other praises as Heeseung rolled his eyes, already dreading tomorrow.
“Tomorrow” turned out to be the most eventful day of his existence.
When Heeseung woke up at 5 in the morning, he was met with an upside down face. He almost screamed before he realised that it was none other than his new ghost friend, floating above his bed with the most excited face.
Letting out a quiet laugh, he got out of bed, Sunghoon trailing behind him curiously.
“What’s your plan for today?” he asked when Heeseung took hold of a big cup and filled it with water.
“Hmm.. go to work, work on some songs, then go to the dance studio and train some kids, get back to my studio and work with Taehyun, act as a third-wheel between him and Beomgyu, and come home.” Heeseung listed out before downing the glass of water.
“Can I come with you? I won’t have much to do here anyways.” Heeseung agreed before walking to the bathroom, falling into his daily routine.
Now here he was, trying to hold a straight face as he observed Sunghoon. The boy was walking next to him, except instead of dodging people in his way, he was walking right through them, pulling a different face each time he did.
“Heeseung, Heeseung, you’re older than me, right?” Sunghoon asked after he walked through yet another unsuspecting human.
“Dunno.”
“What year were you born in?”
“2001.”
“Ah, I’m ‘02. So you’re older.”
“Cool.”
“Can I call you hyung then?”
“Sure.”
“Why are you giving me one-word answers?” Sunghoon whined when they finally reached Heeseung’s studio. He was silent as they entered the studio, but as soon as the door was locked, Heeseung spun around to face the ghost.
“Because, you dipshit, unlike me, nobody can see you, which means I would look like a maniac if I gave you an essay for an answer each time you asked a question! I do not want to be sent to a mental asylum so please shut up when we’re in the presence of other people.” Heeseung looked angry.
Sunghoon was scared. He didn’t like getting yelled at.
Heeseung kept silent as he sat down in front of his computer. As soon as he wore his headphones and began working, he tuned out any other thought. He was enclosed in his own little bubble as he worked on his music.
Five hours passed by in a blur. Heeseung was finally satisfied with what he had. He got up from his chair and stretched, a series of cracks echoing through the room as he let out a content sigh. He turned around to find a lone figure sitting on the ground, staring sadly at the ground. Right. He had company.
“You’re still here? I forgot you existed for a moment there.” Sunghoon curled further into himself, if that was possible.
“Hey… you ok?” Heeseung asked warily, crouching in front of the younger.
“I’m sorry.” a quiet whisper.
“Sorry? Why are you sorry?”
“For bothering you. I’m sorry for bothering you. I won’t speak unless you want me to. Please don't yell at me again.” Heeseung didn’t know if ghosts could cry, but the one in front of him sounded so close to it.
“Oh. no. nonono. Don’t misunderstand me please. I’m so used to not having any company that I didn’t know how to interact with you. I’m sorry for yelling at you. You can ask me as many questions as you want, ok?” He approached the boy slowly. He looked so…… small .
Heeseung reached out a tentative hand, and when the boy didn't react, planted it on his shoulder. When he still didn’t move, Heeseung wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, assuring him that he wasn’t a bother. The two stayed that way for a while, a comforting silence enveloping them.
“Hyung, for some reason you’re the only person that can see, hear and touch me.” Sunghoon notes as Heeseung types away in his laptop.
“Mm… does that bother you?” Heeseung doesn't take his eyes off the laptop screen as he asks this.
“More like it confuses me. Does it bother you, hyung?”
“Nope. I don’t mind. It feels nice to have company, even if you’re a brat most of the time.”
“I’ve been told that a lot. But Heeseung hyung, be mindful of what you say. I will bother you all the time since you basically gave me the green light to do so.” Sunghoon declared, looking very much like a toddler who had just been told he could eat as much candy as he desired.
“Mhm…. hey come check this out for me.” Heeseung called him over, and Sunghoon drifted to his side in an instant, curiously peering at his laptop screen. Heeseung glanced at him for a moment with a pair of headphones in his hand before he shrugged, unplugging the headphones. He hit play, and the studio was filled with Heeseung’s voice.
“These flies on my window,
Are winners in a losing game.
Dip, duck, roll and hover,
They barely see a season change,
While you and me live like,
Birds on a power line, hands slipping and our fingers fried,
God bless those northern lights, and our own devices babe.
Entropy multiplies, clock’s ticking and I’m mortified,
‘Cause in the back of my mind, in the back of my hemisphere…”
Heeseung’s voice streamed out to a gentle stop. He raised his head to stare at Sunghoon, whose jaw was wide open along with his eyes. He remained that way for a few heartbeats, making no sound or movement.
“WOAHH…. Was that- was that your voice?” Sunghoon asked, curious eyes peering innocently at Heeseung. Heeseung gave him a slight nod, and then there was screaming.
“THAT IS YOU?? Hyung!!! You sound like an angel! You sound so good oh my! It was so beautiful, your voice is the best, hyung! I could literally fall in love with your voice!!” Sunghoon squealed, clutching onto Heeseung’s arm as praise after praise left his lips.
He could feel his heartbeat accelerating at that simple gesture alone, and the fact that the pale boy was endlessly praising him did nothing to ease his poor, weak heart. He was down bad for someone he met just a day ago, a ghost at that.
The ghost was aggressively shaking his arm as he called Heeseung an angel repeatedly, yet as Heeseung stared at the younger whose eyes were bright with glee, lips stretched into a wide grin, he could tell that he wasn’t the one deserving of the angel title after all.
Lee Heeseung you pathetic shit.
Heeseung was sitting on the floor of the dance studio, staring at the mirror as he waited for his students to arrive. Sunghoon was mindlessly drifting across the room, popping in and out of random walls.
Heeseung found himself gazing adoringly at the ghost. Despite the fact that it had been merely a day since the two met, Heeseung was already fond of the younger.
“Hyung!” a voice yelled, gaining the attention of both Heeseung and Sunghoon. The latter was emerging from one of the mirrors, upper body sticking out as he perked up at the notice of a new arrival.
A cute boy, with adorable cheeks, was running into the studio. He slid to a stop next to Heeseung, and Sunghoon, curious as always, drifted towards the two in an attempt to see the newcomer clearly.
Up close, he could see the deep dimples that lined the newcomer’s cheeks, and eyes that were sharp yet resembled the thing in that one drink Jake liked drinking. Ah, what was it? Boba!
Boba was smiling at Heeseung, who brought up his hand to ruffle the kid’s hair.
“Hyung, I practised the parts you told me to focus on!” Boba exclaimed, slightly jumping in place.
“Ah, good job Jungwon-ah. You’re always working hard and making hyung proud.” Heeseung smiled affectionately. So Boba’s name was Jungwon. How adorable of a name!
“Riki will be here in a moment, hyung. He’s currently preoccupied with a very hungry and sleep-deprived Sunoo hyung.” At that, Heeseung winced. Maybe a hungry and sleepy “Sunoo” is bad, Sunghoon thinks.
“It’s ok. Let them get here in their own time. You can start stretching ok?” Jungwon nods and offers a final smile before he’s off to stretch.
“He’s cute. Like a little kitten.” Sunghoon whispered next to Heeseung, nearly startling the older in the process. Once Heeseung recovered, he gave a nod, smiling fondly in the kid’s direction.
Soon, two other voices streamed in through the entrance, and Sunghoon noticed the appearance of two other kids, one blond and tall, the pink-haired and shorter. The pink-haired one was slurping angrily from an opaque cup, while the blond had his hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders slumped in defeat. However, both of their expressions brightened when they spotted Heeseung.
“Good evening Sunoo, hello Riki.” Heeseung wished politely when the two ran up to him.
“Hi hyung!” the two yelled at the same time, bright smiles on both their faces.
“Sunoo-yah, I’ve told you to sleep on time and not skip meals haven’t I? Why bother Riki-san for it? Don’t do it again, ok? You have to be strong and healthy to be a good dancer.” Sunoo bowed his head and carefully listened to Heeseung’s kind words, nodding in return.
“Riki-san, did you practice the routine we learned yesterday?”
“I did, hyung! I even learned the second routine you taught us!” Riki announced proudly, beaming widely when his hyung’s hand ruffled his hair.
“Always so diligent, Riki-san. And Sunoo, don’t think I forgot about you. I saw the video you sent me. Your expressions are amazing, Sunoo! Almost made me tear up with how good you were!”
Sunghoon watched as the two faces bloomed like flowers. Their Heeseung hyung obviously meant a lot to them and receiving praises from him was like a huge feat. That made Sunghoon just a tad bit jealous.
When was the last time he was praised?
Ah , the day of his competition. His coach had complimented him that day, but that was also his last day on earth as a human. Sunghoon pouted unconsciously as he remembered that. He wanted to be complimented by Heeseung hyung too!
While Sunghoon was sulking, more kids began filing into the room and soon enough, Heeseung stood in front of a class of 50, kindly explaining what they were going to do that day. Sunghoon, with nothing better to do by himself, decided to learn how to dance.
As Heeseung slowly started taking them through the new routine, Sunghoon found himself becoming more and more fascinated with the older boy. The way he moved, the way he stopped after each move and explained slowly to the kids, the way he gave each kid a compliment and kindly pointed out their mistakes. Sunghoon felt himself fall for the older.
Park Sunghoon you are so doomed.
“Did you have fun? I saw you mimicking my dance moves in the back.” Heeseung noted as they made their way back to Heeseung’s studio. If Sunghoon was still alive he’d have blushed at his statement, since out of the four hours he spent in there, three of it was Sunghoon admiring the older man.
“Yes….. you dance very well, hyung. And you’re very nice to the kids. I really liked spending time with you in your studio.” Sunghoon replied shyly. Heeseung hummed in reply.
They soon approached the studio to find a blond guy waiting by the door.
“Taehyun! I’m here!” Heeseung called out, causing the blond, who Sunghoon learned was called Taehyun, to look up and raise his hand in return.
“Hi hyung. Are you tired, or would you not mind if we began now?” Taehyun asked.
“Oh I’m fine with starting now! Let’s go!” Heeseung grabbed his keys as he spoke, opening the door before letting them in. Sunghoon avoided the open door and instead entered right through the wall, being the extra boy he was. Heeseung had to fight himself to not let a snicker escape.
They spent the next two or so hours recording some song. Sunghoon guesses that Heeseung probably made it. Their voices were beautiful, and Sunghoon, who was hovering by the couch, let his eyes close as he let their voices envelop him like a warm hug.
A hug.
When was the last time Sunghoon received a hug?
When was the last time Sunghoon felt safe and loved in somebody’s arms?
He couldn't remember. Certainly not any time soon. And he wouldn't be receiving one from anyone anytime soon either, considering the fact that he passed through most humans. Most. except for Heeseung.
Would it be weird if he asked Heeseung for a hug?
He really wanted a hug.
When Heeseung was done recording with Taehyun it was already past 8. Sunghoon could see the oldest trying very hard to fight off a yawn. He must be very tired.
He was going through something in his laptop along with Taehyun, occasionally clicking his mouse as he made adjustments, pointing out parts that could've been better, and other things related to music production that Sunghoon didn’t know about.
While they were going through the same part of a song for what seemed to be the fifth time (not that Sunghoon was keeping tabs; he was too busy ogling at Heeseung’s extremely handsome side profile), an obnoxiously loud voice called out Heeseung’s name from right out the door.
“Heeseungie my bro! Are you in there, or did you abandon me already?” Choi Beomgyu, Heeseung’s friend. Sunghoon gave himself a little pat on the back for remembering the name. His memory was usually full of shit, something Jay never failed to tease him about.
“Beomgyu-ah! The door is open, you can come in!” Heeseung absently called out, too busy fine-tuning his song.
The door opened, and Choi Beomgyu walked in with all the confidence of a king walking up to his throne.
“Oh, hyung, could you adjust this part a bit? I sound a bit off there. It’s not bad enough to re-record right?” Taehyun asked, pointing to something on the laptop screen.
“Nah, you sound fine. I can adjust it now itself, you don't have to go in again. But I’m not too sure about this part. It doesn't really match the flow I was going for, don’t you think?” Heeseung asked, nibbling on his bottom lip. Taehyun nodded in response.
Beomgyu cleared his throat very loudly. Completely unnecessary, in Sunghoon’s opinion.
“Ahem, I’m here!” Beomgyu spoke, even louder. Sunghoon wanted to smack him.
“One minute, Gyu. We’re doing something here.” Heeseung muttered, aggressively clicking his mouse.
“You could be doing something way better, I’m just saying.” Beomgyu was tapping his foot on the floor repeatedly. Sunghoon didn't like that.
“Oh, like what?” That was Taehyun, curiosity bleeding into his tone even though he hadn’t taken his eyes off Heeseung’s laptop.
“ Me .” The whisper was faint enough that Heeseung and Taehyun didn’t hear it, but Sunghoon heard it loud and clear. He really wanted to commit some serious crime right now. He smacked himself in the face to control himself, and the sound was so loud Heeseung dropped his pen to the floor, obviously startled.
He turned back to see Beomgyu holding intense eye contact with a wall, face so red he could pass for a tomato. Said boy’s confidence had deflated so he looked like a sad, uninflated balloon. He also spotted Sunghoon moving towards the wall and planting himself right in front of it so it looked like he was staring Beomgyu down.
“Uh…… Gyu? You good?” no reply.
“Um…. Taehyun-ah, I think this is enough for today, I’m feeling kind of tired.” Heeseung asked, concerned about his best friend. Taehyun easily agreed, feeling tired himself.
Heeseung got up from his chair and walked up to his best friend. He gently grabbed the other’s shoulders, looking kindly into his eyes, before he violently jerked his best friend back and forth. Sunghoon laughed when he saw how Beomgyu’s head was flopping a little from how hard Heeseung was shaking him like he was agitating a spray paint can.
“Hee- Heeseu- Heeseung! LEE HEESEUNG STOP IT MY HEAD WILL FALL OFF YOU BITC-” Heeseung smacked him on his head, effectively cutting him off.
“Can we please go home, Gyu? I knew you were mentally challenged but not to the extent you’d hold a staring competition with a goddamn wall!” Heeseung begged his friend who looked like he finally regained his senses. He was nodding, but then he noticed a blond head quietly packing up in a corner and remembered why he was there in the first place.
He poked Heeseung’s side before jabbing his finger in the blond’s direction, and Heeseung mouthed a silent “ah…”
“Taehyun-ah! This is my arch-enemy- I mean, best friend, Beomgyu.” Taehyun turned back and gave Beomgyu a polite smile and a bow before he turned back to his packing. Beomgyu sent a pout towards Heeseung.
“No, Beomgyu,” Heeseung refused, already knowing what his friend was hinting at, “we already talked about this.” another pout, paired with puppy dog eyes.
Gosh, not this again , Heeseung prayed to whatever entity would listen.
“Come on Heeseungie, do this for your hyung, please?” Bullshit.
“Beomgyu, you’re older than me by literal months. You are not my hyung.” Intense-er puppy dog eyes.
Sometimes Heeseung forgot just how expressive Beomgyu could be. He wasn't called a perfect performer for no reason.
Wider eyes. Full-intensity pout. A small tilt of his head.
Nonono Heeseung stay resilient you can’t give in to him-
“I’ll buy you ramen for an entire month, Heeseungie.” Fuck it.
“Taehyun-ah! Beomgyu thinks you’re cute and wants to take you out on a date, what do you say?”
“Oh? I uh…. Sure? I mean, I don’t mind. I’m free on Wednesday. Heeseung hyung has my number. Hyung, I’ll be leaving now, have a good night! You too, Beomgyu-ssi.” and Taehyun was off.
Beomgyu didn't even try to hide the lovesick sigh.
Heeseung pushed him away and looked him dead in the eyes before saying, “You better not forget my ramen.” Beomgyu rolled his eyes.
“Of course, loser. Let’s go. I can't wait for Wednesday.” Beomgyu was the second one to exit the studio, and only then did Heeseung spot Sunghoon, who was hovering by the window like some sad protagonist.
“Sunghoon? We’re going home now.” Sunghoon turned back and smiled wide at Heeseung. The simple action made Heeseung’s heart melt a little. The little cheek of his that puffed out so adorably brought Heeseung this overwhelming urge to coo at, and pinch said cheek in the process. Maybe give it a little kiss too. A small one. A simple peck, maybe. Maybe one on his pretty lips too. Maybe Heeseung could-
“Heeseung-ah! Come out, I wanna go home already!” Choi Beomgyu, always the moment killer. If Heeseung was a fire that spontaneously lit up, Beomgyu was the bucket of water that put Heeseung’s fire out instantly.
“I’m coming you brat!” Heeseung grabbed his bag and after making sure that everything was turned off, he was out the door, Sunghoon in tow.
Before Sunghoon became a part of his life, Lee Heeseung was fine with his daily routine. Sure, it was tiring. It was very demanding. It was sometimes sad too, coming home to an empty apartment. But he was fine with it.
But then Park Sunghoon came into his life in all his ghostly grandeur, and wormed his way into Heeseung’s routine till he became a constant factor in his life.
Now Heeseung woke up every morning to the younger hovering above his bed or drifting across his room, ate breakfast with the ghost staring longingly at whatever food Heeseung decided to cook up that morning, accompanied Heeseung to work and sometimes piggy-backed him up the stairs when Heeseung’s legs didn’t feel like his own. This was Heeseung’s routine for the past three months since Park Sunghoon seeped into the invisible cracks in Heeseung’s life.
Heeseung was used to this. Heeseung liked having him around. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel a little more than affection for the younger.
He was so at home with the fact that he’d wake up every morning to the sight of the younger’s innocent grin and squishy cheeks and bright eyes that when one morning he woke up to a strangely empty apartment, his heart gave a violent jolt in his chest.
It was a Sunday morning. “Morning” would be too grand of a word though; it was 12:34 pm already.
Heeseung rolled around in bed, stretching after a very restful sleep, and his half-asleep brain gave him an imagery of what he’d open his eyes to. A beautiful face floating right above his head, pretty eyes staring at him. Cheeks that rival a cloud in their softness, pulled up into a huge grin, two little fangs that peek out, a tongue that playfully runs over them as Heeseung gets out of bed for their day.
Heeseung’s face morphed into a smile before he opened his eyes, but upon coming face-to-face with an empty room, the smile gave way to a frown. This was strange; Sunghoon was always his first view in the morning.
‘ It doesn’t matter, you whipped, pathetic idiot, he’s probably hanging out by the window again in all his dramatic glory. ’ Heeseung tried to calm his wildly beating heart as he slowly got out of bed and padded into his living room. However, there was no sight of the younger in the living room either.
‘ What if he’s playing a prank on me? ’ he thought as he walked into the kitchen, but it was void of his presence too.
Bathroom? Empty.
Balcony? Clear.
Bedroom once more? Nope.
Corridor? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even a trace of his existence was found.
Suddenly, a thought dawned on Heeseung. What if it was finally his time to leave? Heeseung couldn’t stop the sob that escaped him. He somehow dragged himself to his bedroom and all but fell onto his bed. The second his body hit the mattress, he began weeping, body convulsing with each breath he tried to take.
He didn’t know why he was reacting in such a way upon not seeing the younger. He wasn’t even that important to Heeseung, was he?
Wrong.
His heart had already surrendered to the pale boy. Heeseung was a goner for Park Sunghoon and he knew it very well even though he liked to pretend that wasn't the case. Heeseung liked the boy so much that he was ready to stay in for the rest of his life and be with him if the younger asked.
Heeseung missed him.
He remembered last night, when Heeseung was happily downing a steaming bowl of ramen, talking animatedly to Sunghoon about the time in high school when Beomgyu received a confession from his then crush and literally screamed in the middle of a crowded hallway and scared the other away.
Sunghoon, who usually would have laughed alongside Heeseung, was staring sadly through the window, but at that moment Heeseung didn’t think much of it. The younger had a habit of pretending he was the protagonist of a young adult novel.
Heeseung now thinks the younger had probably realised it was time to leave. Heeseung curses himself for not paying attention to the younger back then. Heeseung wishes he had a last moment with him.
Heeseung hopes he can, in another life, meet Sunghoon when he’s alive and date him and kiss him awake in the morning and show him off to his friends and call him his boyfriend and tease him and actually watch a beautiful blush overtake his features rather than imagine it.
How was he going to explain his horrible state to his best friend and the kids at the studio? ‘ Oh, i happened to have this companion that is actually the ghost of that famous figure skater who I unironically fell in love with and he disappeared yesterday so now I’m a pathetic, depressed loner who couldn’t even have his first kiss and will probably die single and a virgin because said figure skater took my heart with him ’? Hell no. he had to somehow pull himself together.
But how ?
Heeseung spent the rest of his day on YouTube dot com, watching videos of Sunghoon’s old figure skating competitions. He watched so many of them that by 5 in the evening, he could tell you the title of each of his competitions in chronological order along with the song that he performed to, the position he placed in, and the colour of the shirt he was wearing.
(Heeseung’s personal favourite was a white, flowy shirt that made Sunghoon look like a wind fairy and had slits in the back that flashed his milk-like skin for the rest of the world. Upon this realisation, Heeseung screeched like a Victorian man seeing his sweetheart’s ankle for the first time, but that will stay between Heeseung, his phone and the walls of his bedroom.)
When the music of Sunghoon’s last performance came to a stop, Heeseung was still a sad little loser huddled in a corner of his bed hugging a bunny plushie tight to his chest.
It was a white bunny, with adorably puffy cheeks, and that particular piece of information reminded Heeseung of a certain someone with white skin and adorably puffy cheeks and another sob left his lips.
Ah shit, here we go again.
“Heeseung hyung I’m here- HYUNG WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! WHO HURT YOU? TELL ME HYUNG I’LL GO HAUNT THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF THEM TELL ME!”
I can still hear his voice. Wow.
“Heeseungie hyung?” Another violent sob left Heeseung as he curled further into himself.
“Hyungie what’s wrong?” A cold hand placed itself onto Heeseung’s shoulder. Heeseung’s imagination was getting a little too real now…
“Hyung!” a cold body enveloped him in a hug and Heeseung screamed, scrambling into a sitting position as his eyes wildly roamed the no longer empty expanse of his room.
There, standing right in front of him was the pale, dark haired boy that he loved so much. Eyes filled with confusion and concern, arms still lingering on Heeseung’s shoulders, lips forming an unconscious pout.
Oh dear, you look so perfect even if I’m hallucinating.
“Hmm? Hallucinating?” a cute little giggle, “Hyungie you’re not hallucinating! I’m right here! See?”
oh, he said it out loud?
“Yes you did, hyung.” another little giggle. Heeseung’s heart was simultaneously racing and doing backflips.
“Sunghoon?” Heeseung whispered, afraid that anything louder than a whisper would shatter the illusion of his Sunghoon.
“Yes, hyung, it’s me. Sorry I kind of disappeared for a while. I missed my family a lot so I thought of giving them a quick visit. I was planning to come back before you woke up, I swear! But I kinda lost track of tim-” Heeseung was quick to latch onto Sunghoon, clutching him like he was his lifeline.
Heeseung held Sunghoon with all his might, face buried in the other’s neck. Sunghoon, albeit confused, hugged him back just as tight, resting his chin on the older’s head as he rubbed calming patterns on his back. He waited as Heeseung’s sobs ceased, as his body stopped trembling.
Half an hour later, Heeseung was taking calm, steady breaths against Sunghoon’s neck as he still rubbed up and down Heeseung’s back in a comforting manner.
“I thought you left forever.” he confessed, voice weak from crying for so long.
“I didn’t, hyung. I’m here, aren’t I? I won’t leave without telling you hyung. I won’t do that. I promise, hyung.” Heeseung tightened his hold on Sunghoon as he spoke.
“I… I saw my mom today. She looked sad. She was making my favourite breakfast when I went there. It’s been three months since I left. Dad came to her and hugged her, and she started crying. She said she missed me. Dad said he did too. And then Yeji woke up and they stopped crying. Yeji’s my little sister, you know? You’ve not seen Yeji, right? She’s so cute and precious and the best little sister ever! I wouldn't trade her for the world. She’s my baby.” Heeseung hummed, removing his head from the other’s neck before sitting straight, pulling the younger into his side as he continued speaking.
“They all looked sad. I saw mom talking to my picture, so I sat there next to it and replied to her even if she couldn’t hear me. I also told her about you, hyung! I said there was this very nice hyung who lets me stay with him and takes care of me. And then I talked to dad. I hugged the two of them and said I love them. I think they heard that. I saw them looking around for a moment and smiling at my picture. I hope they did.” Sunghoon sighed, a sad sound.
“I also spoke to Yeji. I told her I was proud of her and loved her a lot. I hugged her too. She has this diary, hyung, and she named it Hoonie oppa. She writes in it every day like she’s talking to me through it. I wanted to cry. My baby looked so sad. The cover page was a picture of the two of us on my last birthday. She made the book herself, you know? She’s so talented.” Heeseung could hear the fondness, the affection, the love, Sunghoon had for his family, seeping through his every word.
“I think she heard me too. I said, ‘ Yeji-ah, oppa is so proud of you baby. I love you so much. I hope you live a long, happy life. ’ and she looked up and smiled and said, ‘ Hoonie oppa! Yeji loves you too! I miss you, but momma said you’re still with us. I really wish you were here, oppa. I love you. ’ and then she started crying too. I couldn’t bear to watch it, so I left.”
It was Heeseung’s turn to rub comforting at Sunghoon’s back. The boy wasn’t crying, exactly, but he looked so sad . But it was then that Heeseung noticed something about Sunghoon; something different. Something had changed.
“Sunghoon-ah. Your face…” Sunghoon sighed.
“Hyung, I know one side of my face doesn’t look very pretty but can you please not bring that up?”
“No. Not that. Your face looks different. It looks like you’re healing, and you’re also glowing a little.”
“I- What?” Sunghoon asked, bewildered.
“You know what I think? I think, since you had an untimely death, maybe you’re given a chance to say goodbye to your loved ones. Like, you said they seemed to hear you saying you love them, right? Maybe you can leave once you bid your farewell to the people that mean a lot to you, the words that you want them to know. Maybe that’s why you’re still here, Sunghoon.” Heeseung spoke gently, holding the other’s pale hand in his.
“I…. I think you’re right, hyung.”
Over the next month, Sunghoon was busy.
While Heeseung left for work, Sunghoon went back to his hometown and saw the people that meant something to him when he was still alive. His best friends, his teachers, his old coach, his little dog Gaeul, his classmates that helped him catch up whenever he was behind, his principal that supported him, his skating team, his figure skating coach that still sported a splint from the accident; he met them all.
His coach had a framed picture of him with Sunghoon, both holding onto the trophy that they worked hard to earn. Sunghoon had a huge grin as he held up both the trophy and his medals, cheeks pink from the cold. Next to the picture rested the trophy, a little squashed from the accident but still intact.
Sunghoon sat next to his coach that was nursing a cup of tea in his working hand as he stared sadly at the picture.
“Hey coach!” Sunghoon began, beaming at him even though the man couldn’t see him, “it’s me, Sunghoon! I’m still around, but my friend figured out how I can leave. So here I am, fulfilling my last duty. I’m here to say goodbye, coach. I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of me all these years, sir. You were like a second father to me. You cared for me and taught me so much and I’m happy that I got to leave after honouring you, after making you proud. I hope you can continue to teach others like you did for me and have them bring honour to your name. I hope you’re proud of me, coach. I’m really thankful for having you teach me and guide me. Thank you sir.” Sunghoon spoke earnestly, watching as his coach’s eyes widened before he relaxed.
“Sunghoon-ah. I can still hear you somehow, my child. I’m so proud of you, son. You were an incredible boy and it brings such heartache to me to know you’re gone. I still wait in the ice rink at four thirty every morning, hoping to see you running up to me like the little toddler you are, excited to learn more from me. You were such a great student. I’m the one that’s honoured to have taught you child. I’m proud of you.”
Sunghoon felt the familiar feeling again; it felt like a part of a huge burden was eased once again. He felt a little lighter, glowed a little brighter.
When Sunghoon returned that day, Heeseung noticed how bright the ghost shone. His face looked almost normal again, yet not quite there. Sunghoon seemed confused about it himself; he went to everybody he knew.
Nobody was left out, right?
“Think, Sunghoon-ah. Do you have any unfinished business? Any words you left unsaid, to anyone? Anything at all?” Heeseung gently coaxed the younger. He didn’t want the younger to leave, but he knew that his soul needed to rest.
Sunghoon thought. He thought hard. At first, nothing came to his mind. He really went to everybody there was!
But then a person’s face occurred to him, and he froze.
Sharp eyes, pouty lips, an obsession for fashion, boisterous laugh.
“Jay.” he whispered, eyes blown wide, capturing the attention of Heeseung.
“Jay? Your uh… American friend? But you already visited him long back, didn’t you?” Heeseung asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Sunghoon gulped.
“Yes, but….. I never told him… I never told him I loved him….”
“What?!”
Jay was sitting alone. He seemed to be doing that a lot these days. The cemetery looked so desolate, scary even, yet he sat there, eyes trained on a certain gravestone.
Park Sunghoon.
“Sunghoon-ah. You’ve been gone for months now. This is the fifth month. The fifth month since you left us.” he let out a humourless laugh, running a hand through his hair.
“I miss you so much, man. I didn’t realise just how much you meant to me. Do you know how many times I woke up to find no annoying messages from you? How many times I waited for half an hour outside your house only to realise you weren’t coming anymore? How many times Jake and I waited for a third body to squeeze itself between the two of us only to sadly keep going? We miss you. I miss you. Sunghoon. I…….”
Sunghoon heard everything. He missed Jay too. He wanted to hug the slightly older boy, he wanted to rile him up just to see him snap, angry but never scolding Sunghoon. He never did, no matter how annoying Sunghoon was being, no matter how angry Jay was.
‘I know I always acted like you were the most annoying brat in the world and always complained about how I’d rather be anywhere in this world except by your side, but I take that back, Hoon-ah. I need you here. I really do. It’s so difficult without you here. I wish you were here. Next to me. I long to feel your hugs, to have your little hand in mine. I love you, Hoon-ah. More than a best friend. I wish you were with me. I wish you were by my side for the rest of my life. I love you.”
Sunghoon drifted to his love, silently wrapped his arms around him even though he couldn’t feel it. He planted a kiss right onto his forehead.
“Jay-ah. I know. I know, love. I love you. So much. I really hope you can find someone who loves you and cares for you.” the more words left his lips, the lighter Sunghoon felt. Jay was stiffening in his arms, like he could hear Sunghoon, like he could feel him there.
“S- Sunghoon? Sunghoon?! You’re here right? I’m not imagining it right? You’re really here?” he whipped his head around, trying to find Sunghoon. Sunghoon smiled sadly, left one final kiss on Jay’s lips, and Jay froze. He slowly brought his hands to his lips, eyes wide in surprise.
“Sunghoon-ah I know you’re here! Come back to me baby. Please. I miss you. Don’t leave me, please.” Jay was crying, reaching out blindly.
“I’m sorry, Jay-ah. I love you.” Sunghoon whispered sadly, before he moved away slowly.
Jay seemed to sense him leaving, for he began sobbing incessantly, calling out his name amidst sobs. Sunghoon observed him sadly. Suddenly, a figure rushed to his side. Jake . Jake took Jay into his arms, desperately trying to calm him down, as Jay blabbered incoherently.
As he stared at the two of them, Jake holding him close and keeping him safe as Jay broke down, Sunghoon knew he was leaving his love in good hands.
He was ready to go.
One week. One week of Heeseung growing more and more miserable, one week of Sunghoon growing more and more restless and confused. He had fulfilled his final duty, he looked like his normal self again, complete, yet why was he still here?
Heeseung was not ready to let him go. Not yet. He knew Sunghoon had to go, but it was too soon, way too soon.
Heeseung’s sudden change in behaviour did not go unnoticed by the others. He looked as bad as he felt, and everybody noticed. Beomgyu and the kids and Taehyun and Yeonjun hyung all asked him, “Heeseung, what happened to you?” and each time, Heeseung responded with a sad smile, a resigned shake of his head, a very unconvincing “I’m fine.”
Sunghoon noticed too, but if he did, he didn’t react.
Heeseung stared sadly at Sunghoon, who was floating through his apartment, giggling as he chased after a little butterfly that let itself inside. He wasn’t ready to let go.
“Hyung, you know something my grandma told me once?” Sunghoon asked as he lay beside Heeseung on a little picnic blanket, staring at the night sky littered with a million little diamonds. Heeseung wanted to go star-gazing, and Sunghoon had gladly accompanied him.
“What is it, Hoon-ah?” Heeseung asked, prompting the younger to keep speaking.
“She said that when a person dies, their soul joins the million stars in the night sky! For every person that leaves this earth, a new star is born in the galaxy. We’re probably looking at my grandma right now. Hi grandma! I love you!” Sunghoon let out a giggle following his words.
Heeseung had heard the same thing countless times. You die, you become an eternal star, blah blah, yet as the prospect of losing someone so dear to him loomed ahead, he desperately wished that was true.
“Someday soon, I’ll be among them. A pretty star just like the ones we’re seeing right now.” Sunghoon whispered.
“You’ll definitely be the prettiest star in the galaxy.”
Definitely. As he looked to his side, he saw the prettiest boy he ever saw, lying right next to him. The moonlight fell on his face, making him glow so beautifully he looked unreal. As he stared at the younger, he felt his heart grow fonder.
At times like he thought, Park Sunghoon was truly so beautiful.
“When it happens, hyung, when I become one with the stars, will you promise you won’t forget me?” Two pretty stars stared at Heeseung, closer than the countless ones above them. So close that Heeseung could touch them.
Sunghoon closed his eyes when Heeseung leaned in and gently pressed his lips to both his eyelids. A simple gesture, yet so filled with love.
“I promise that no matter what, you’ll be the brightest star in my life, Sunghoon. I’ll never forget you.”
A promise, witnessed by the departed souls of the sky.
“Hyung. I think I know what’s left to do.” Sunghoon’s shy voice pulled Heeseung from his trip to the precious memory, stored deep in his heart, in a special little corner.
“What is it, Hoon-ah?” Heeseung asked, resigned.
“Don’t be like that, hyung. You won’t have to deal with my annoying ass anymore, isn’t that a good thing?” Sunghoon’s voice dripped with fake enthusiasm; the younger was just as reluctant to go.
“I can’t imagine a life without you, my little prince. I don’t know what to do without you.” Heeseung’s voice cracked as he spoke, voice thick with emotion.
“I told you already, hyung, I’ll be right there with the stars. If you ever miss me, just look at the sky and I’ll be there, watching over my favourite hyung!” Sunghoon beamed wide, the smile Heeseung loved so much. He was right in front of Heeseung now.
A pale, cold hand cupped his cheek. Sunghoon . A little bit closer and their lips would meet.
Just a little bit….
Just…. A little bit….
Then, finally, their lips collided.
Heeseung’s heart beat wildly in his chest.
Tears streamed down his face as he pulled his love, his little prince, closer to him.
A mix of tongue and teeth, a kiss filled with desperation, with unspoken words, regret for not having more time, happiness for the moments spent. Heeseung drew back to take a deep breath before he was pulled back in for another kiss.
A kiss that tasted of salty tears. Of resigned fate.
Another kiss. Another flurry of unspoken confessions.
Sunghoon seemed just as desperate, refusing to let a moment pass between them where they weren’t kissing. He was glued to his lips, letting all his love pour out to the older. He could feel his time ending. He could feel it.
It was time.
“Heeseung hyung.” Heeseung refused to open his eyes. Sunghoon’s hands were cupping his cheeks.
Please, let me cherish this moment with you.
“Hyungie. It’s time. I’m ready. I’m ready to let go, Heeseungie hyung.” Heeseung held the hand on his face with his own in silent confirmation. He opened his eyes, wanting to memorise the beautiful face he loved so much, for one last time.
“Sunghoon-ah,” he breathed, “I love you.” Sunghoon smiled. He looked translucent, truly resembling a ghost for the first time since they met. He was leaning in again.
“Hyung, I love you. Goodbye, my love.”
A final kiss against his lips, as soft as a whisper, full of love, and then he felt nothing.
Park Sunghoon was gone forever.
“Heeseung, my bestie! I haven’t seen you in so long I- Heeseung?” Choi Beomgyu. His voice was soft as he took in the sight of his best friend, curled up in a corner of the couch, staring longingly at the night sky.
“Heeseung-ah…” Beomgyu approached him and laid a hand on his shoulder. A pair of miserable eyes stared back at him.
“Heeseung?” Heeseung clutched onto his best friend’s hoodie and let out the most heartbreaking sound the other had ever heard. Beomgyu hugged his friend close and let him cry his heart out.
“He’s…. He’s gone , Beomgyu. He’s gone. ” Beomgyu didn't have the heart to ask him who he was.
“Heeseung hyung! Congratulations on your album!”
“Heeseung-ssi, I love the title track!”
“Heeseung-ah, you successfully broke my heart with ‘Stars’, you know?”
A flurry of compliments were sent towards Heeseung, who smiled politely in response.
His dream. His first album.
Remember Me .
To anybody else, it was a normal album, made completely by Heeseung. An album that spoke of letting go of someone you love, of heartbreak, of living and loving life and cherishing the little moments.
But only Heeseung knew the story behind it.
Only Heeseung knew that the album was based on himself, of the events that pertained a year ago.
In the little thank you note he wrote in the beginning of the album, he expressed his gratitude to many people. His best friend Beomgyu who, as big of a brat as he was, supported him and stayed by his side through his darkest times. His students that endlessly cheered for him. His friends and his family.
There was also a line dedicated to a certain someone.
Thank you Park Sunghoon, my first love, my little star. This is for you.
Miles away, Park Jay would open a package from an unknown address to see an album. An album titled Remember Me . He would find a note in it.
Dearest Jay,
I’m writing this on behalf of Park Sunghoon, someone who meant a lot to me. He had requested that I send a message to you. Consider this a final gift from him. Kindly check track 3, it’s dedicated to you.
- LHS
Later, Jay would listen to track 3, My First Love , and let the tears stream down his face silently as he remembers bright eyes and a wide grin, figure skating shoes and cold hands.
As Heeseung walked down the street, hand in hand with Yang Jungwon, guiding the boy back home, the little boy asked him a question.
“Heeseungie hyung, who is Park Sunghoon?” Heeseung smiled.
Far up in the sky, a lone star twinkled and shone brighter than the rest.
“Someone very dear to me.”
The star burned a little brighter, just for a moment.
I love you, my little star.