Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It is a very strange experience, having tea in the Captain’s quarters with not one but two Kathryn Janeways. The tea in itself seems odd, since ‘his’ Kathryn only ever drinks coffee. That is apparently going to change over time. But seeing the same woman in two stages of her life simultaneously is simply baffling.

The Doctor has confirmed that the Admiral is, in fact, the older version of the Captain and Seven and B’Elanna have confirmed that the technology of her shuttle is unlike anything they have ever seen before. The crew has started putting armor from the future on Voyager that will shield them from Borg attacks and it looks like the Captain is considering going back into the Borg-infested nebula after all.

Chakotay watches the older version of his Captain, now an Admiral, while the women discuss their adventures with the Rotenians. Both women are perched on the couch, sitting up straight, their upper bodies turned towards each other and deeply engrossed in conversation, while he watches from his spot in the single armchair. Kathryn will still be beautiful in twenty-six years time, that much is clear. But there is something harsher about the older woman that he’s not sure what to think of.

When the Captain gets up to get the Admiral some more tea, the Admiral leans over, places her hand on his arm and asks him softly,

“How are things going for you romantically these days, Chakotay?”

.

Admiral Janeway can tell that Chakotay is slightly shocked at her direct question, but she knows it’s not because he isn’t used to her directness. It is one thing that hasn’t changed over time and her younger self is as direct as she is. No, Chakotay is a bit startled because of the subject matter.

"There's no need to be coy with me, Chakotay. I know exactly what's going on," she assures him, which should make sense since he and Seven are bound to disclose their budding romance at some point. And that point in time is in her own distant past.

She sees the hesitation in his features. The Commander glances at Captain Janeway, standing at the replicator with her back turned to them. She seems to be taking her time getting the tea back to them and Admiral Janeway guesses her younger self is deep in thought, attempting to process the sudden change in their circumstances upon her older self’s arrival. She can’t blame her for that. Difficult, dangerous decisions face them once again and the responsibility rests squarely on the Captain’s shoulders.

"Don't worry. She doesn't know yet," the Admiral tells him. "So … how are things with Seven?"

A soft smile appears on his handsome face and she knows her younger self would have looked away. She would have tried to avoid showing her reaction for fear of showing the Commander her hidden pain. But the Admiral doesn’t look away. Instead, she all but whispers some motherly advice.

“Be careful with her, Chakotay. Her body may have developed fully, and beautifully so, and intellectually she is superior to all of us, but emotionally she’s still a child. Please don’t hurt her.”

The Commander nods and looks down at his hands, which are folded in his lap.

“I know. And truth be told, it wasn’t my idea.”

He glances at the Captain again and the Admiral feels a twitch in her gut that is all too familiar. She remembers that look. It’s a sad, lingering look; a look of longing and a look of loneliness. And she knows she is the one who caused it.

Still keeping her voice down, the Admiral states on behalf of her younger self,

“Seven is trying to deepen her understanding of her own humanity. As long as you don’t hurt each other, I know she will be happy for you.”

“I don’t want to hurt Kathryn either,” Chakotay admits and she remembers that day, so many years ago when he’d come to her to inform her about his new-found love with Seven.

“She won’t blame you for needing a companion. I never blamed you,” she assures him.

Chakotay nods and looks down at his hands again. Then, suddenly, his head shoots up and he whispers almost excitedly,

“But if you’re right and we can be home within a few days …”

The Admiral has to look away this time. The sudden hope in the man’s eyes makes her chest flutter in a way it hasn’t in a very, very long time. She had not expected it. Not at all. Their friendship would remain strong for the rest of their journey home and they would support each other while they grieved the loss of Seven - his wife and her protégée. But he would never make any attempts again to get closer to her than they were, not even when they finally reached Earth, resigned at last that he would spend the rest of his days alone.

The renewed hope for a different outcome between them catches her completely off guard.

“Well, what are you two whispering about?”

Captain Janeway’s clear voice booms in the room, pulling both of them out of the hushed conversation for the moment.

.

Chakotay and the Admiral share a look that the Captain can’t quite place and she raises an eyebrow. It’s one thing that she has to deal with this cynical version of herself, but she doesn’t appreciate the idea of her first officer and the Admiral keeping things from her together. He’s her first officer after all, not the Admiral’s.

“If you are trying to woo my first officer into some sort of mutiny to go along with your plans, you should know I would not appreciate it,” she warns her older self sternly. “Both of you,” she adds for Chakotay’s benefit.

“I assure you, we were only catching up. Well, I was,” the Admiral says with an apologetic smile. “No secret schemes being hatched here.”

“Catching up? Don’t you have a Chakotay in your timeline?” the Captain asks as she hands the Admiral her tea.

She sees the Admiral’s breath hitch briefly before she composes herself and forces a smile. Captain Janeway knows this woman too well, even if she seems to have become dismissive of rules and regulations over time. They may not have been plotting anything but the Admiral is hiding something. Perhaps she’s come here for more reasons than she is willing to divulge. Perhaps she has come to save them more than just a lot of time. Could this be about Chakotay?

She glances at the Commander, who seems anxious to hear the Admiral’s answer as well. Does something happen to him on their long journey home?

“Of course we do,” comes the Admiral’s dismissive answer at last. “I’m just remembering how young we all used to be. How full of plans.”

The Captain registers how Chakotay’s facial expression changes while the Admiral speaks and she can’t put her finger on what has just transpired between her first officer and her future self. Chakotay seems to feel guilty about something somehow, but she can’t figure out why he would feel guilty when all the Admiral has said is that they are still young and full of plans. Naturally, that will have changed after twenty-six years.

“And of course it’s great to see him in his prime again,” the Admiral continues jokingly, a clear attempt to lighten the mood. “Try to keep in shape, Chakotay. A pot belly does not become you.”

That makes all three of them laugh and as she sits down again, the Captain promises the Admiral that she will make sure the Commander takes time for exercise on the holodeck. The conversation takes a lighter turn after that but once they have all retired for the night, Captain Janeway is left with a sense of wonder about the two possible futures that have presented themselves to her, one of which is already known to the Admiral. If they continue on their journey, they will be in the Delta Quadrant for another sixteen years, and along the way they will lose more people. So far, the Admiral hasn’t specified who, but she can’t shake the feeling that it has something to do with Chakotay.

Captain Janeway cares deeply for her first officer; more deeply than she should, she knows this. But her main focus is and will always be to get her crew home. She can’t be distracted from her mission and perhaps she even feels she has no right to try and find happiness for herself along the way. Not until everyone is back home, safe and sound.

They’ve already lost people and each death is one too many in her book. She would even have kept Seska in the brig happily for the entirety of their journey but the woman’s choices are what got her killed in the end. Others had no say in the matter, unfortunate casualties of circumstances that in some instances had been preventable. Kathryn carries that burden with her, feeling guilty personally for the losses as well as the pain of the remaining crew over being separated from their loved ones.

It is only fitting that during her absence, her fiancé has moved on with another woman and her beloved dog Mollie has died. She has nothing to look forward to personally anymore, her quest is now solely for her crew. These people have entrusted her with their lives and she cannot disappoint them. Their needs and their happiness will always come before her own.

But it gnaws at her, that little tête-à-tête between the Admiral and Chakotay. What if he is going to be one of the people she will lose if they ignore the wormhole cluster inside that nebula and stay in the Delta Quadrant for another sixteen years? Would she be able to live with herself, knowing that she had a chance to save his life?

She can’t be selfish and despite how much she clearly will change over time, she can’t imagine that she would have travelled back in time just to save the man she -
She huffs, stopping her train of thought abruptly, and attempts to reformulate her thoughts in her head. The man she considers her best friend. That sounds more neutral but still, a bit selfish. You don’t travel twenty-six years back in the past, altering everyone’s lives drastically, just to save a friend. There has to be more to it, and she intends to find out before making any kind of decision about the wormholes.

The next day starts very early when Seven is found unconscious in her alcove, and the Doctor alerts the Captain. Somehow, the Admiral becomes aware of the problem as well and she joins them in sickbay to check on Seven’s condition. She quickly begins to give her unsolicited opinion about the standoff with the Borg Queen, who has contacted Seven while she was regenerating. The Captain knows that if this woman wasn’t in fact her older self, she would have thrown her out in an instant. But the Admiral makes sense and so the Captain listens, meanwhile wondering why she will become so cocky in her old age. But perhaps it’s just the Admiral’s way of getting her message across loud and clear, she reasons.

Once they re-enter the nebula and discover what is really inside it, the Captain is livid. The Admiral tells Lieutenant Paris to change course towards one of the apertures in the gigantic glowing orb in the centre of the nebula, but the Captain stops him cold.

“Belay that.”

After confirming with Seven that what they are looking at is in fact a transwarp hub, one of only six in the entire galaxy, the Captain stands up and approaches her older self.

.

Chakotay watches as the two Kathryns face off on the bridge and it’s a sight to behold. They keep their voices low and he knows that’s when his Captain is most dangerous. When Kathryn’s angry, she doesn’t raise her voice. She hisses. And they all know she means business when that happens. He and the rest of the bridge crew watch in silence as the brief conversation between the two driven women plays out.

“You knew this was here but you didn’t tell me about it. Why?”

“I’ll answer all your questions once we’re back in the Alpha Quadrant.”

It takes the Captain only a second to come to a decision, one that does not surprise Chakotay in the least.

“Take us out of the nebula.”

Tom Paris is surprised however.

“Captain?”

“You heard me.”

The Admiral tries again.

“I gave you an order, Lieutenant. Proceed to the aperture.”

“This is my bridge, Admiral, and I’ll have you removed if necessary. Take us out! ”

After a beat and after checking with the Commander, Tom Paris makes the wise decision to follow the Captain’s orders.

“Aye Captain.”

.

Of course she’ll want to destroy that hub, now that she knows how important it is to the Borg. The Captain is once again infuriatingly selfless, willing to destroy yet another way home to save the lives of people she has never even met. The Admiral is unable to hide her annoyance when the Captain and Seven attempt to come up with a plan to blow up enough of the transwarp conduits to collapse the hub. She tries to reason with them and convince them to just go home, until the Captain tells her they’re going for a walk.

Once they are alone in a corridor, the Admiral decides it’s time for the Captain to understand why she has come back to change the timeline of the crew. Their crew. Their family. The Captain is argumentative but she finally manages to shut her younger self up by dropping a bomb between them.

“Seven of Nine is going to die.”

“What?”

She sees the shock register in the Captain’s eyes but it’s not enough. She needs to know all of it - especially now. She stops herself quickly from thinking too long and hard about the look on Chakotay’s face the evening before, and presses on.

“Three years from now she will be injured on an away mission. She’ll make it back to Voyager, and die in the arms of her husband.”

“Husband?” the Captain whispers, clearly stunned by her words.

It is time to deliver the next blow.

“Chakotay.”

The Captain’s eyes widen.

“He’ll never be the same after Seven’s death, and neither will you.”

She sees her own pain reflected in the eyes of her younger self but she knows she has to follow through now. Twist the knife so to speak, so the Captain will finally understand that she had to come, once she finally found a way to go back in time. Naturally, the Captain thinks she can avoid the tragedy now that she has been warned. But it’s not that simple. She tells the Captain that she lost twenty-two more crew members before making it home.

“And then of course there’s Tuvok.”

The Captain is clearly in shock after all these revelations about her future but the Admiral knows this needs to be done. They have to get home as soon as possible. So much depends on it and this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

“What about him?” the Captain asks, needing to know what will happen to her old friend.

“You’re forgetting the Temporal Prime Directive, Captain,” the Admiral points out with ill-concealed sarcasm, but she already knows that she has succeeded, even before the Captain responds with a flat ‘to hell with it’ .

And so she tells her younger self about the illness of her friend, who needs treatment in the Alpha Quadrant soon before his neurological condition does irreparable damage.

“Even if you alter Voyager’s route, limit your contact with alien species, you’re going to lose people. But I’m offering you a chance to get all of them home, safe and sound, today. Are you really going to walk away from that?”

After splitting up, the Captain goes to speak with Tuvok while the Admiral takes it upon herself to inform Seven of what has happened to her in her timeline. She tries to convince the former Borg drone to tell the Captain that collapsing the hub is simply too risky and the cost too high. Despite the upsetting news, Seven refuses to go against the Captain and as the day progresses, the Admiral sees more and more clearly how absolutely loyal this crew is to its Captain - her younger self. And she sees how Chakotay looks at her. The prospect of getting home soon has changed something in him that is as clear as day to anyone who is looking. The only one who seems completely oblivious is, of course, the Captain herself.

.

Seven on the other hand, may be very young emotionally but she is no fool. She has seen the change in the man she has begun dating recently, and whom she just kissed for the first time two days prior. She’s always known that the Commander cares deeply about the Captain, and with good reason. Seven cares about her deeply as well. Captain Janeway has been her mentor and has helped her every step of the way to become an individual; she has been a mother figure to her. The Admiral called her selfish earlier for not considering the pain of the people who love her and who will miss her if she dies. However, Seven realizes that the selfless thing to do if they manage to make it to the Alpha Quadrant, will be to step aside. And that is what she will do if Chakotay, then free from the chain of command that has kept them apart until now, were to choose the Captain after all.

.

Seven makes eye contact with the Admiral when they are all gathered in the conference room and the Admiral can see the quiet resignation in her eyes. After missing her for so long, the Admiral realizes she loves Seven more now than she ever has before. It is why she makes a decision later that night in the Captain’s quarters when she and her younger self go over their options. She always assumed she would be making a one-way trip and now she is certain. If the people she loves most deeply are going to have a future worth living, or even a future at all, a sacrifice will have to be made. And it’s not just their happiness that is at stake here anymore. It’s her own as well. And that knowledge has come as a huge surprise, just when she thought nothing could surprise her anymore. Chakotay is still in love with Captain Janeway and if she gets them all home today, they may still have a future together.

The next day, the plan that the two Kathryn Janeways have devised is put into motion. They have shared some of the details with the senior staff and they have seen the Admiral off with a heavy heart. Chakotay visits Seven in Astrometrics to check if there is any word from the Admiral since she disappeared into the nebula in her shuttle. He is surprised when Seven barely acknowledges his presence.

“Are we keeping things professional again today?” he asks, a smirk on his lips, but his attempt at levity falls on deaf ears and Seven responds with a simple ‘yes Commander’ . Chakotay does a double take but the blonde remains unflinching and seemingly focused on her scans of the nebula.

“You’re not joking, are you?” he asks, although he already knows the answer.

“No.”

Seven turns away from him and walks to another console, pretending to be completely engrossed in her work but he knows better. She must be as nervous and concerned about the mission as he is, probably even more, now that they are so close to the Borg collective. He walks up behind her and asks her what’s wrong, curious why she suddenly won’t look at him. She lets out a sigh and then tells him with her back still turned to him,

“If our mission succeeds and we are able to return to the Alpha Quadrant through the transwarp hub, the parameters of our relationship will change. I am simply preparing myself for this scenario.” 

Chakotay is unsure of what to say to Seven at this point, because she’s right. If all goes as he hopes it will go, things will change. He has wanted to discuss this with Seven but he hasn’t found the right moment or the right words yet. He thought he’d be able to break the news to her gently but now it seems she has some thoughts of her own about their future.

“What makes you say that things will change?” he asks her, and she finally turns around to face him.

“I may be inexperienced when it comes to romance, Chakotay, but I am a good observer and I have learned to recognize when a human has feelings for another person. And while you and I have had a number of agreeable dates so far, it is clear to me that the possibility of a swift return home has rekindled your romantic feelings for the Captain.”

Seven has never been known to mince words but her directness shocks him a little nonetheless. Can it really be that obvious that he has been reexamining his feelings over the past few days?

“Seven, I-” he begins, but she cuts him off by lifting her hand, a gesture she has no doubt picked up from her mentor, the Captain herself.

“It’s alright. I am aware that not every courtship results in a lasting relationship and the Captain is a remarkable woman.”

“You have to understand I never meant to hurt you,” he offers.

“To be hurt is a part of being human,” Seven states simply but while her voice is even as always, he can see the emotions in her eyes and in the twitch of her mouth.

“I can’t argue with that,” he says softly. “And maybe I’m setting myself up to be hurt too. Again.”

“You think the Captain won’t want to be with you?”

Seven’s surprise makes him smile wryly because if only she knew how consistently Kathryn has kept him at arm’s length over the past seven years, she wouldn’t be asking that question.

“She’s always said that a relationship wasn’t in the stars for the Captain.”

“Because of Starfleet protocol,” Seven responds, and it’s not a question. “But once this crew is disbanded, you will not be her subordinate any longer.”

“Protocol is part of it, yes. But also her feelings of guilt over getting us stranded here in the first place. Like you said, parameters will change and hopefully she will be able to let go of her guilt once we make it home. But the outcome is not guaranteed. It never is when it comes to her. And now there’s two of them!”

“Do you expect the Admiral to make it out alive?” Seven asks, focusing on the viewscreen again, although there is no sign of Admiral Janeway’s shuttle.

He has thought about that and he doesn’t expect to see the Admiral ever again. Not this version of her anyway, and he tells Seven as much.

“Once she is assimilated and our plan is put into motion, we will have no opportunity to retrieve her,” Seven says sadly.

“The ultimate sacrifice for her crew.”

They stand side by side in silence after that, gazing at the viewscreen, each caught up in their own thoughts about the past, the present and the unknown future ahead.

It’s time. Lieutenant Tom Paris is on the bridge while his wife is in labor in sickbay, but B’Elanna has told him in no uncertain terms to get to the bridge because they will need their best pilot at the helm for this job. She and their child are in good hands with the Doctor.
Captain Janeway orders Tom to take them into the transwarp hub. They come prepared this time and as soon as the Borg Queen takes the bait and assimilates the Admiral, they will carry out their plan. They will have their cake and eat it too this time.

Both Seven and Chakotay have been called to the bridge as well and when Seven sees that the conduit shielding is destabilizing, she reports to the Captain that the Admiral has succeeded. If they manage to blast enough conduits, the entire hub will collapse and the Captain gives Tuvok the order to begin firing.

Inside the Unicomplex, chaos erupts. The Admiral has infected the Borg collective through a neurolytic pathogen, too eagerly assimilated by the Queen in her quest to defeat the incorruptible Kathryn Janeway. The Admiral has brought chaos to the Borg order. She watches the Queen’s viewscreen and she is content. She feels herself weakening along with the Queen now that she is connected to the infected Borg collective, but it’s worth it. It won’t be long now. She’s giving Voyager a real shot. She’s giving herself a real shot. And after today, she can only hope Captain Janeway won’t waste it and will allow herself to rest and be happy at last.

As the transwarp hub begins to explode from the inside out, the Borg Queen comes apart, quite literally, before her eyes and Admiral Janeway can now close her eyes for the last time, knowing that in the end, she lived her life to the fullest. And that she will again.

.

The silence on the bridge is deafening when after seven long years, they abruptly find themselves back in the Alpha Quadrant, less than a lightyear away from Earth. All that is heard is a soft, astonished ‘We did it’ from the Captain. They are all frozen in place, gazing at the fleet of starships in front of them, an impromptu welcoming committee that had been summoned to the transwarp aperture that had appeared out of nowhere so close to Earth.

The first one to move is Chakotay, who can no longer control the urge to stand beside his Captain for this historic moment in time - a moment that will hopefully change everything for them.

Then Harry Kim stammers,

“We’re being hailed.”

“On screen,” the Captain says, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Goosebumps have erupted all over her body and her mind is blank for the moment.

The viewscreen lights up just as Chakotay joins her in the middle of the bridge and they are greeted by Admiral Paris and his staff, who are as stunned as they are.

“Sorry to surprise you,” she tells the Admiral. She is still too stunned to smile. “Next time we’ll call ahead.”

Admiral Paris grins.

“Welcome back,” he says, his voice thick with emotion and he glances at his son at the helm of Voyager.

“It’s good to be here,” she responds, and when she looks at the Commander, who seems to have popped up next to her out of nowhere, she sees joy as well as pride in his eyes. They really did it!

“How did you …” Admiral Paris begins to ask, but in these moments, she can’t find the words or the energy to explain what has just transpired. And so she promises him it will all be in her report.

“I look forward to it,” the man responds and then the brief conversation is over.

“Thanks for your help, Admiral Janeway,” the Captain says softly, a sense of sadness washing over her about her older self’s fate, even if they had both agreed it was the only way.

She turns to face Chakotay when he reaches for her hand. She blinks and looks down as he takes both of her hands in his and then looks up at him, expecting some kind of speech of gratitude on behalf of the crew. Or perhaps he just wants to guide her back to her chair because her legs are about to give.

Whatever she had expected, it’s not what she sees when she looks up and into his eyes. There is a tenderness there that somehow takes her by surprise. She hasn’t even recovered from the shock of what has just happened and can’t fathom yet that their journey home is suddenly over, and here is her first officer, looking at her with a look in his eyes that can only be described as … love.

“We’re home,” he tells her softly and she can only nod. “Everything will change now … if you let it.”

Her lips part in surprise as she inhales, and she looks back and forth between his eyes. Is he really saying what she thinks he’s saying? Her eyes dart to Seven. Something is off here, she can’t help thinking.

“She knows,” comes Chakotay’s soft whisper and Kathryn knows this is neither the place nor the time to continue this conversation but her heart is beating a mile a minute. It’s all too overwhelming for her to process yet.

Then, the comm system beeps.

“Sickbay to the bridge.”

A faint cry of a baby is heard and all the people on the bridge look at each other and begin to smile. Tom and B’Elanna’s daughter has finally been born, right in the middle of all the chaos.

“Doctor to Lieutenant Paris. There’s someone here who’d like to say hello.”

Kathryn, who has let go of Chakotay’s hands quickly, is grateful for the distraction which allows her to find her footing again. She smiles widely and tells Tom Paris,

“You’d better get down there, Tom.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The proud new father jumps up from his seat and makes his way off the bridge to greet his newborn daughter. Then, Kathryn looks up at her first officer.

“Mr. Chakotay.”

She makes an inviting gesture towards the helm, which is now in need of a substitute pilot.

“The helm.”

He gives her a wide smile.

“Aye Captain.”

He gives her one last look, a look that tells her they still have a conversation to finish, before sitting down at the helm of the starship that has been home to all of them for seven years. Kathryn returns to her Captain’s seat once again and sits down, aware of the gravity of these moments for all of them.

They are no longer decades away from home. All that remains is a few hours to make preparations as they make their way to planet Earth. The other ships that had gathered to ward off a possible Borg attack now line up in formation to accompany them home. One last time, Kathryn Janeway gives the order,

“Set a course … for home.” 

A/N: I'd love to know what you think of this version of the finale before I publish part II !

Chapter Text

Her report is finished and she hasn’t held back. It’s all in there and Starfleet can do with it as they please. They can hardly fault her for going against the Temporal Prime Directive twenty-six years in the future - a future that is now unlikely to unfold the same way again at that. Or will it? She will need to start figuring that out before those twenty-six years pass. Maybe in this timeline she won’t be promoted but court-martialed instead, regardless of the warm welcome Admiral Paris has given her initially. Also, in her report she insists on Starfleet pardoning all of the former Maquis because of their service on Voyager and because of how well they’ve adapted to the unique circumstances they all found themselves in seven years ago. She is unsure how the brass will respond to that demand.

She sighs after signing off on her Captain’s log of this mission for the very last time. What a ride it has been. She would be lying if she said she hadn’t enjoyed exploring previously unknown parts of space and she is very, very proud of the massive amounts of data they have collected and the record number of first contacts they have made. But she is also extremely glad to be back home.

It’s been a lonely voyage for her, cut off from Starfleet and from her family and friends. They’ve formed a new family, she and her crew, but the responsibility has weighed heavily on her. It’s been hers and hers alone, and it is the strangest feeling to begin to let it go now.
They are safe. They are home. And now, she can allow herself to return to the land of the living, so to speak.

The doors to her Ready Room swish open and in comes Commander Chakotay. He may very well be the embodiment of that land of the living for her right now, because she feels a nervous jolt run through her body at the sight of him. They’ve kept busy after setting a course for Earth and she has purposely kept him out of her thoughts until now. He has no doubt come to inform her that everyone on board has been briefed about how they will disembark once they set down on their home planet.

Chakotay smiles at her and she can’t stop herself from reciprocating a wide smile. The entire crew is in extremely good spirits with home just an hour away now instead of over 30 years.

“All set?” she asks him.

“Yes Captain,” Chakotay responds professionally, but there is a gleam in his eyes that tells her he is about to say or do something slightly less professional, and there’s that nervous energy coursing through her again. But first, he finishes his report.

“As soon as we land, the entire crew will assemble in cargo bay 1. All off-duty personnel have already begun getting some essentials from their quarters and the ones still at their stations will do so as soon as they are relieved of duty by the last shift in about twenty minutes. It shouldn’t take more than thirty minutes to assemble everyone after we land.”

“That’s good. I’m sure they’re all eager to see their loved ones.”

Chakotay nods and clasps his hands together behind his back.

“I’m sure they are and I expect there will be quite a welcoming committee back on Earth. Anyone coming for you that you know of?”

Kathryn stands up to round her desk before answering him.

“My sister sent word that she and my mother won’t be able to make it in time, so I’m not expecting anyone in particular today. Just a lot of brass probably, ready to pounce on the Captain who got lost in the Delta Quadrant.”

“You think they’ll blame you? From what I’ve seen so far, I expect you will be welcomed home as a hero.”

“I certainly don’t feel like a hero,” she admits softly as she stands in front of him. “I’m exhausted.”

Chakotay reaches for her hands as if he’s done so a million times before and she swallows. She hasn’t allowed herself to think about their little moment on the bridge yet but Chakotay seems intent on following it up before they land.

.

Chakotay feels himself getting a little nervous now that he finally has a moment alone with Kathryn. He’s made up his mind about what he wants, but like he told Seven earlier, you never know what Kathryn Janeway is going to do.

They suddenly find themselves back in the Alpha Quadrant, their mission to return home abruptly ended. Everything has changed. Everything except what he feels for the woman standing in front of him. Those feelings, which he had tried to bury because Kathryn clearly had no plans to give into any feelings between them while they were still lost in space, are back in full force.

“Kathryn,” he begins and he watches her eyelids flutter while she tries to make sense of this sudden shift in the air between them.

“Yes?” she whispers.

“Once we land … once we’re home again and we’ve been debriefed …”

“Yes?” she repeats softly.

“We will all most likely be reassigned.”

“That’s right.”

She tilts her head, studying him for clues as to where he’s going with this. She doesn’t give him her normal stern stare. Her eyes are wide and he knows he is throwing her off even more than she already was.

“We probably won’t be assigned together.”

She frowns a little and he knows he needs to get to the point.

“And I’m really happy about that Kathryn.”

Her breath catches in her throat and her mouth opens but no sound comes out and Chakotay quickly continues before she takes his words the wrong way.

“Because I never want Starfleet protocol to stand between us again.”

She still stares up at him, motionless, and he slowly lifts one hand to bring it up to her face. As he caresses her cheek, he tells her,

“I never want anything to stand between you and me again.”

There.

He’s said it.

Now it’s all up to her.

.

Kathryn can’t believe what is happening. It’s all almost too much. They will land on Earth within an hour and she hasn’t even begun to realize that Seven’s untimely death has been avoided and Tuvok will be able to get treatment for his illness on time. And now she is faced with her first officer, who was supposed to marry Seven, basically making a declaration of love. To her.

Had Admiral Janeway lied to her about Chakotay and Seven? Had she lied to herself ?

“I don’t understand,” she stammers, shaking her head slightly while looking down. “I thought you and Seven …”.

“She knows,” she hears Chakotay whisper, repeating his hurried words from earlier. “She knows I’ve always loved you.”

Kathryn’s head snaps back up. Did he really just say that out loud?

“But you weren’t ever going to give in while we were back there,” he says, nodding his head in the direction from where they’ve come, “so I … I was trying to move on. But now …”

He squeezes the one hand he is still holding for emphasis and it is slowly beginning to sink in that she will be allowed to let this happen now. All the obstacles she had thrown in her own way and all the reasons why she thought it best not to give in to her feelings have been blown to bits upon their return in the Alpha Quadrant.

She was the Captain on this journey. Her first and only responsibility was to get her crew home. She was the one who had cut them off from the way home in the first place so there was no room for her own selfish needs. Not until they made it back to Earth.

And now they are here. They’ve made it back. All her reasons to resist her attraction to her first officer have evaporated, and he knows it. She opens her mouth to say something but she’s at a loss for words, and when Chakotay runs his thumb gently across her cheekbone, she closes her eyes and sways a little.

Chakotay’s arm is around her waist in an instant and he pulls her close to him. It is in that moment that she feels herself deflate. It’s as if she finally releases a breath she had been holding for seven years. Her arms snake around his waist for support and Chakotay wraps his arms around her shoulders, and she rests her cheek against his chest.

“It’s alright,” she hears Chakotay whisper in her hair. “You can rest now.”

She burrows into his chest a little further and feels his arms tighten around her. The gesture is as much one of affection as it is one of support, and she knows that is who Chakotay has always been to her. She’s so tired but a quiet drum is beginning to beat inside her and as it becomes stronger, she realizes fully that she will be allowed to hold him now, and be held by him. She can finally admit her feelings and give into them. On top of his support, she can now accept his affection as well. She doesn’t have to lead this crew anymore and that thought alone brings her to tears.

Chakotay’s arms envelop her and for the first time in seven long years, she allows her tears to fall in someone else’s presence. In the presence of a man she has come to appreciate in ways she hadn’t thought possible when she was sent out to capture him all those years ago. A man who has become her best friend and her most trusted officer. A man she was willing to hand over to another woman, so long as he would be happy. A man she would travel back in time for so he wouldn’t lose that woman. A man she would die for.

He stands tall, supporting her both physically and emotionally as she cries softly in his arms. She knows he won’t perceive her tears as weakness, but simply as an outlet of everything she’s had to keep inside over the course of their journey, because she was the Captain. If there is one man who recognizes her strength and leadership, it’s Chakotay. The way he has never shied away from giving her his opinion while still following her orders at all times, is proof of that. He has never treated her as anything less than the Captain. His Captain. His equal and his superior.
Chakotay just holds her, making no attempt to make her stop sniffling, just reassuring her that everything will be alright. That she will be alright. That they will be alright. And she believes him.

When she finally lifts her head and looks up at him again, he smiles and wipes the tears off her cheeks gently with his thumbs. When he leans in, her lips part automatically in anticipation of what is surely to come.

.

Chakotay frames her face with his hands and, seeing some apprehension in her eyes, whispers,

“Can I kiss you, Kathryn?”

Seeing her so openly vulnerable for the first time in his life makes his heart almost burst out of his chest with love for his Captain. He understands how heavy her burden has been and why her emotions come flooding out now. It only makes him love her more, and he holds his breath while he waits for her answer to his question; for her permission. She doesn’t disappoint. Not this time. Everything is different now.

Her soft reply comes on an exhale.

“Please.”

He feels her breath against his lips and they begin to tingle even before they meet hers at long last. He kisses her then - finally. He is careful at first, not wanting to overwhelm her even further, but Kathryn’s response is immediate and she kisses him back while one arm wraps around his neck so she can anchor herself to him. He is much taller than she is but she’s basically bringing him to his knees without even trying. She is soft and passionate at the same time and he moans when they deepen the kiss as if they’ve kissed each other a hundred times before. She tastes like coffee and mint and something that must be completely and uniquely Kathryn and he already can’t live without that taste. They move in sync and when he decides to lift her up to bridge the difference in height, she chuckles and presses her forehead against his.

“My God, Kathryn,” he mumbles, in awe of the way she makes him feel, and when she wraps both arms tightly around his neck, he takes it as permission to carry her across the room to the couch.

When he sets her down her dark blue eyes bore holes into his browns as she sits down, and he isn’t sure if the intense look she’s giving him is supposed to make him stop or to make him jump her on the couch for a heavy makeout session. The latter isn’t exactly appropriate but he doesn’t want to stop either. He sits down beside her and when he pulls her into his arms again, she moves with him willingly, granting him another long kiss. But then her professionalism takes over again, or at least she makes a brave attempt, when she tells him that perhaps they should be focusing on other things, like their imminent landing, for the time being.

.

Chakotay grins, something he can’t seem to stop doing now, and Kathryn tries to regain her composure. The man has shaken her system and she can’t ignore how clearly ready she had been to receive him. Seven years is a long time to develop feelings for someone while not allowing herself to give into them. And kissing him is an experience in itself. Having him so close suddenly has ignited a desire in her that has been dormant for a very long time. Even now, when all he is doing is holding her hand while resting his other hand on her knee, her entire body seems focused on the places where he is touching her. Still, her mind is desperate to catch up with her body’s eager response to Chakotay, because she is reeling.

She realizes that she has become comfortable in the day-to-day rhythm of life on Voyager and it’s strange to be leaving the ship. They will land on Earth soon but part of her wants to flee to her quarters - her home. It is where she has felt safe for a long time and it’s where she would like to take Chakotay now.

“It doesn’t feel real yet that we’ll be leaving this place today,” she muses.

“It will be strange to leave the ship,” Chakotay confirms.

Kathryn nods.

“Yes. Voyager has been our home for so long.”

“It’s where we met.”

She chuckles, not yet used to this version of her first officer. It’s as if their sudden return to the Alpha Quadrant has wiped out his filters - and most of her own as well.

“When did you become such a romantic?” she asks him and even before she hears his reply, she knows what he’s going to say.

“I’ve always been a romantic.”

“Then I applaud you for keeping yourself in check for so long, Commander.”

“And I you, Captain,” he quips back and it’s her turn to grin like a fool.

“Part of me just wants to hole up in my quarters,” she admits then, and they both agree that the events of the past few hours have been very overwhelming.

When Chakotay begins to apologize for piling on even more by confessing his feelings to her, Kathryn stops him by placing her fingers over his lips.

“No. Don’t apologize for that. If anything, you are what is keeping me somewhat grounded at the moment. Everything else is just …”

She makes a gesture with both hands as if throwing sand up in the air, and Chakotay nods.

“We need each other now. The whole family,” he agrees.

“I want to see everyone back here on Voyager exactly one week from now, so we can have a proper celebration and a sendoff,” Kathryn decides. “Spread the word, before everyone disappears to their own hometowns and homeworlds and we won’t have a chance to see them again.”

“Aye Captain,” Chakotay says while standing up, and she stands up with him.

“We can do this,” she says, perhaps more to herself than to him, because unlike her, he has never seemed very doubtful about his ability to navigate personal and professional affairs.

“I know that,” Chakotay says softly before dipping down for one last kiss. After this, they will need to be professionals again, and they will soon be swept up in the homecoming celebrations. Kathryn just needs to be sure of one thing before they part ways for the time being.

“Whatever happens, we will find each other before this day is over. Agreed?”

Chakotay flashes his dimpled smile at her.

“Agreed.”

They are home.

Voyager has just set down on planet Earth for the first time in over seven years and the entire crew is applauding, cheering and crying at the same time. They can already hear the roar of the crowd outside and the sound sends chills up their spines.

Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay, Lieutenant Commander Tuvok, Seven of Nine and the Doctor stand back as the crew of Voyager makes its way gradually out of cargo bay 1. They watch as Tom Paris guides his family out, his wife on one arm and his newborn daughter cradled in the other.
They see the apprehension on the faces of the former Maquis, who are rather uncertain what will await them - a hero’s welcome or a trial.
They laugh when Harry Kim runs the final stretch when he catches a glimpse of his parents and his girlfriend and falls into their waiting arms.
Tuvok seems unaffected, but even he must be feeling something at this point.
The crew had been walking closely together but break up at the sight of their loved ones and gradually merge with the crowd that awaits them.

Finally, when everyone has disembarked, it’s the Captain’s turn and she’s glad that she is flanked by her loyal first officer, her trusted chief of security, Seven of Nine and the Doctor. She has given it her all to get her crew home but she wouldn’t have been able to do it without these people. In her hand, she clutches a Padd containing a list of all the people they have lost along the way, with a personal note from her to their families for every single one of them. It has been the hardest part of their journey and part of her is relieved that the families of the deceased had already been informed once contact was established between Starfleet Command and Voyager in the Delta Quadrant. Nothing could be more crushing than standing here, hoping to see a loved one again after seven years, only to hear then that they are no longer alive.

She sees a line of Admirals and other high-ranking officers slightly to the right and leads their small group in their direction. They hear cries of thanks coming from the crowd when people begin recognizing the Captain, but with the Padd in her hands, the victory is bitter-sweet for Kathryn. She straightens up when she feels Chakotay’s warm, supportive hand on her back, and they wave to the crowd, which erupts in cheers once more. Tuvok is the first to leave their pack, heading straight for his wife and children. The Doctor is approached by Lieutenant Barclay, who is thrilled to finally meet the now famous hologram.

Kathryn exchanges a few words with the Admirals and hands her Padd to one of them. She then introduces Seven of Nine who is standing stiffly beside her, until someone calls out to her.

“Annika! Annika Hansen, over here!”

The Captain gives her protégée an encouraging nudge when they both recognize Seven’s aunt among the people waving at them for attention. Chakotay spots his sister suddenly, and then Kathryn makes out a familiar face as well.

Mark …

Her former fiancé waves at her and Admiral Paris encourages the two senior officers to go and mingle. He has been waiting for his turn to greet his son, daughter-in-law and brand-new granddaughter and walks over to them while Chakotay rushes off to greet his sister and Kathryn makes her way towards Mark. She isn’t really sure how to greet the man or what to say to him. Should she hug him? The last time they spoke, words of love were exchanged but he is married to someone else now and she looks next to him and behind him, wondering if the wife is there too. Seeing his face again makes her feel very conflicted and she’s glad when Mark is the one who begins to speak.

“Kathryn. I’m so glad to see you again. I never thought this day would come.”

He reaches for her hand but she hesitates, her eyes automatically searching for Chakotay now. And then he is right there beside her, his hand on her back once more.

“Hi. You must be Mark,” he says cordially and she can tell Mark is slightly taken aback. Good , she can’t help thinking and that really says it all. She watches slightly amused while both men shake hands, Chakotay with an air of confidence about him while Mark is clearly still trying to read the situation.

“Did you bring your wife?” Chakotay continues and Kathryn has to suppress the urge to elbow him in the ribs.

“Ah, no. I … I wasn’t sure if that was appropriate. I mean, I didn’t want things to be any more awkward than they already are,” Mark stammers.

“It’s alright,” Kathryn chimes in at last. “I really can’t blame you for moving on and I’m happy that you found someone.”

She feels Chakotay’s hand move from her back to her waist until he is almost pulling her against his side. This possessive streak is completely new to her but she has to admit she doesn’t mind it under the circumstances. Mark has also read the other man’s body language and looks at her again, the obvious question written all over his face.

“You could have brought her,” Kathryn tells the man she used to love, and then she smiles up at the man she loves now. “We could have made it a double date.”

Relief washes over Mark and she finally reaches for him to give him a friendly hug. It doesn’t feel like it used to anymore. They are both different people. She’s been through so much with Chakotay that she realizes he is the one who feels like home to her now. It hits her then, in a way that makes fresh tears well in her eyes. They’ve been on this journey home for years but she hadn’t realized that she had already found her home along the way. When she and Mark release each other, she steps back until her back collides gently with Chakotay’s chest and it fills her with wonder, and something she can only describe as happiness, how it makes her feel to stand here with him. He has her back, quite literally at the moment, just like he’s always had her back.

Voyager had become their home over time and it had made her reluctant to disembark, but now she knows that when it comes down to it, he has become her home. And she knows that she will be alright now, because Chakotay will stay by her side - no longer as her first officer but as her equal and her biggest supporter. No matter what happens at their debriefing, they will be alright.

When Chakotay beckons his sister to come over so he can introduce her to Kathryn, she turns to him quickly and stands on her toes to whisper something in his ear that he deserves to know. She knows she should have told him sooner but it had all been too much today. Her lips skim the shell of his ear when she tells him softly.

“I love you.”

.

It is Chakotay’s time to tear up. It means a lot to him that she has chosen this moment, right after seeing her former fiancé again for the first time in years, to assure him of her choice. He holds her close to him as his sister joins them and they chat for a minute, and then a loud voice booms through the speaker system, announcing that the official welcome home ceremony is about to start. The Captain is the first one who will need to come up on stage and Chakotay releases her so she can do her job. He looks up at her with pride when she finds her voice after a few moments, and delivers a passionate speech summarizing their seven-year adventure and then praising and thanking her crew for standing by her all this time. The crew responds with a huge applause for their Captain and he’s sure there isn’t a dry eye left in the entire square.

When it is his turn to take his place on stage, he stands proudly beside her. Starfleet is acknowledging the faith Captain Janeway has put in him and the other former Maquis, and Admiral Hayes conveys to all of them that, while a thorough debriefing will need to take place, they will not be prosecuted for their past transgressions. Starfleet Academy will be open to them if they wish to graduate after all, and those already graduated are most welcome to stay.

Kathryn gives him another wide smile. She stands beside him with her hands clasped behind her back, a formal stance for this formal occasion. But he can see in her eyes that everything has changed between them. When all of them are finally released, they receive orders to report to Starfleet headquarters within a few days after they have reviewed all of Voyager’s logs. The Captain and Seven will go to HQ right away and a schedule will be forwarded to everyone else. Meanwhile, they are officially ordered to have a great time with their loved ones.

That final order is met with cheers and applause, after which the group gradually begins to disperse. Chakotay is whisked away by his sister, who wants him to meet her family, but not before he touches base with Kathryn.

“They’ve put us up in the Interstellar Hotel,” he quickly whispers in her ear. “Dinner tonight?”

Kathryn’s eyes shine when she turns to tell him softly,

“Only if it’s served in our room.”

Our room.

His heart skips a beat and when she flashes him one last, beaming smile over her shoulder while she makes her way over to Seven to check in on her protégée, he clutches his chest, feigning a heart attack. She’s going to be the death of him yet. But what a way to go.

.

One week later

Voyager’s farewell party on Holodeck 1 is in full swing when Chakotay joins Kathryn near the modest dance floor. She feels his hand wrap around her elbow and when she turns to look at him, he makes an inviting gesture in the direction of the dance floor.

“Dance with me,” he says softly.

Over the past week, Kathryn has become comfortable in her new relationship with Chakotay, but this will be the first time they will go public with it and she feels a little nervous. Still, she won’t refuse his request and part of her does want their Voyager family to share in their newfound happiness. They are no longer in command of the crew after all, which is why everyone is in civilian clothes, including them. They’re a family.

Chakotay looks incredibly handsome in his black suit and she feels beautiful next to him in her blue evening gown. When he leads her to the dance floor and wraps one arm around her waist, she smiles and moves with him to the music of the slow love song that is playing.

They are hardly the only ones dancing and Kathryn relaxes when she sees that nobody is staring at them. When Chakotay pulls her a little closer, she rests her cheek against his shoulder. She’s in heels tonight and the difference in their height is slightly smaller than usual. She can’t help thinking that they know the exact difference now. When they danced barefoot together to nonexistent music at the hotel, her face had been glued to his chest. Now, she can just reach his neck with her lips and she has to resist the urge to kiss him there.

The song comes to an end and Kathryn pulls herself together when Tom Paris asks if he may cut in to dance with the Captain. Chakotay bows out gracefully and leaves the dance floor to watch for a while.

“How’s the baby?” Kathryn asks the Lieutenant, and Tom instantly beams with pride.

“She’s awesome. I mean, we’re not getting any sleep of course but it’s so worth it.”

“Where is she now?”

“B’Elanna just put her to bed in our quarters. Maybe she’ll lay down for half an hour herself until Miral is asleep but she’ll be back.”

Our quarters. Kathryn realizes she isn’t the only one who has come to see Voyager as their home. Even Seven seems more relaxed now that they are back here, and Kathryn smiles at the young woman when she and the Doctor glide by them.

After her dance with Tom, Kathryn rejoins Chakotay, who hands her a drink. They watch the others contently and her thoughts drift back to the past week. They’ve gone out a few times but still, she remembers the hours she and Chakotay spent at the hotel the most.

It hasn’t just been romantic and they are getting to know each other better in unexpected ways. Seven whole years of being in a state of hypervigilance basically 24/7, has taken its toll on both the Captain and the first officer. They found out during their first night together that they both wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night regularly. It has been strangely reassuring for both of them to know they are not alone in this - and even more soothing to find a warm body next to them when it happens.

Touching each other had been off limits for so long but it comes completely natural to them now. They are both fierce, strong-willed people and while their first moves had been tentative, touching each other over, and then under their clothes, it hadn't taken them very long to strip down to their underwear even before making it to the bed. Chakotay had laughed when Kathryn had pulled rank on him, but although he hadn't minded at all to leave her in charge for a while, over the course of that first night she had eventually surrendered to him as well. In the end, they trust each other unconditionally and it shows in the way they make love.

Chakotay watches Kathryn, seeing that she is deep in thought and he wonders how often she thinks about making love to him. He knows he thinks about it all the time - not because sex is his main focus but because he is finally allowed to love her that way and he can’t get enough of her.

He wonders about future assignments, and what that will mean for their relationship going forward. He knows there will be times when they will be apart and he’s trying to prepare himself for that. The entire crew has been granted shore leave for at least two months and counselling sessions have been set up for all of them, but there will be new assignments waiting for them as soon as they are ready. And he knows there will come a time when they will be ready - both of them. They aren’t ready to settle down just yet. He is looking forward to exchanging stories with Kathryn in the future when they meet up. There is just one thing he needs from her before they can even begin to think about any new missions.

Another slow song starts, probably at the request of Tom, since B’Elanna has just returned from putting the baby to bed. Before he can say anything, Kathryn turns to Chakotay with a smile.

“Shall we?” she asks, and his heart skips a beat at the sight of her eyes, that sparkle with happiness.

She is embracing their love in public so openly now that it moves him deeply. It only makes him more determined to go through with the plan he’s hatched for this night.

They dance for a few minutes, and then, right there in the middle of the dance floor, Chakotay suddenly stops dancing and takes Kathryn’s hands in his. Before she can ask what he’s doing, he drops on one knee and looks up at her. He watches her eyelids flutter when it dawns on her what he is doing and then the people around them notice as well. Cheers can be heard from the crew even before Chakotay can ask his question and he grins up at the love of his life. Kathryn bravely attempts an eyeroll but her cheeks must be hurting from the wide smile that is now plastered across her face.

“Captain, oh my Captain,” he says, loud enough for the crowd around them to hear.

And then, a little softer, he continues and asks her the question he will only ask once in his lifetime as far as he’s concerned.

“Kathryn Janeway, will you marry me?”

Kathryn is trembling, completely taken by surprise and she can’t believe that Chakotay is suddenly on one knee in front of her, in front of their entire Voyager family, with a ring in his hand. But despite the shock, his question is easy to answer. Her heart is already spelling it out for her with every beat.

She begins to nod even before she manages to push the word past her lips.

“Yes.”

The crew cheers, whistles and applauds and suddenly Chakotay is on his feet and she is lifted off the ground. When he kisses her, she kisses him back without hesitation. She wants nothing more than to marry him. Their relationship didn’t start seven days ago - it started seven years ago. And whatever comes next for them, they will know where they belong.

Wherever they end up, they will eventually always set a course for each other.

For home.

.

END