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Tubbo's making food just for himself for the first time in a long time. There's no need to worry about chopping it into smaller bits for a toddler to chew. There's no need to worry about which liquids are harmful for endermen and which aren't.
Instead, Tubbo eats old potatoes and old carrots. They don't taste great, but he knows he needs to eat something. He's been feeling more and more sluggish lately, and Techno had commented that he doesn't want to come back to a corpse. He figured the hybrid was just being hyperbolic, but Tubbo never realized just how awful he looked until he saw the mirror from the corner of his eye.
He looks dead.
He feels dead.
He hasn't slept in forever, shutting himself in and meticulously going over everything that had happened that day, questioning Techno on the details over and over until he looked like he'd rather go out and freeze in the blizzard.
He finishes his meal and feels his eyes start to slip closed. He still needed to go out and replant the farms, maybe continue planning the rescue mission with Techno. However, a small nap won't hurt. He gently lays his head on his arms, and drifts off.
----
"Bo.... Bo, come on wake up! I want to show you something!"
Tubbo groans, it's too early.
"Ranboo, shut up, let me sleep more, go and bother Michael or something...."
Tubbo burrows his head further into his arms, smiling gently at the fact his husband is once again apparently spoiling him. Ranboo can wait though, he's much too tired to get up. He tries to fall back asleep.
Ranboo speaks again, sounding confused "Um... Michael's not here, remember? Yea, Sam took him, it-"
The rest of what's said is drowned out by the ringing in Tubbo's ears and the creeping feeling of total and utter wrongness.
Tubbo's husband is dead.
He saw the body with his own eyes. Tried desperately to bury it for hours, barely making a dent in the frozen ground before being forcefully pulled away with bleeding hands. His husband is dead.
Tubbo's body catches up with his brain and he springs up, knocking over his chair and quickly backing away from..... from
"Woah! Didn't mean to scare you!"
Tubbo can't see his face, but he can hear the smile. The ghost has a sheet over his head, split black and white. A bleeding gash covers his chest, making Tubbo want to vomit up the first meal he's had in ages.
He feels like he can't get enough air into his lungs, and pushes himself further in the wall.
"What-" his voice comes out broken and croaky, and he clears his throat, "What are you doing here?"
The ghost tilts his head, as if showing up to his past self's grieving partner isn't a horrible idea.
"Can't a guy visit his husband? I haven't seen you in a while.... missed you"
Tubbo swallows, slowly peeling himself away from the wall, "You're-You're not..."
The ghost pulls off the sheet, and the words my husband get caught in Tubbo's throat.
It's undoubtedly him. It’s an exact mirror image of him. The eyes, the scars, the mouth, the smile. It's all him.
And it makes him want to run. To the imposter, or as far away as possible, Tubbo doesn't think he'll ever know.
"Look!"
He pulls out a chest, and places it in front of Tubbo. He's glad the ghost opens it for him, because he has a suspicion that if he unclenches his fists his hands won't ever stop shaking.
Inside the chest are the most emeralds that Tubbo has ever seen.
"Your inheritance! You always talked about taking these when he was gone, and now he is!"
Tubbo almost vomits again.
Ghostboo continues, "Well, technically I'm still here, but I don't need these. Personally, this is way overboard. He must have been compensating for how weak he was or something. Pretty pathetic if you ask me. How did you put up with him?"
It's all said with a slight laugh in his voice, and Tubbo feels a flicker of annoyance light in his chest. How dare he blatantly insult Ranboo right in front of him?
It's extinguished quicker than it came as soon as Tubbo looks up again.
The ghost had gotten closer, and Tubbo can't stop staring. He’s just as he had remembered. The mole under his eye is there, and the little scar on his forehead that he could never recall how he got. Tubbo feels tears threaten to well up, and wonders if the ghost would be able to touch water.
"Um... hello? Earth to hubby?"
Tubbo snaps out of it, and quickly plasters himself to the wall again.
"I'm not-" he shuts his eyes, not wanting to look at the mirror of his face anymore, "I'm not your husband."
"What? Tubbo it's me-"
He sticks out his hand, perhaps more violently than intended, eyes still closed tightly. He's afraid if he opens them he won't be able to go through with this.
"Nice to meet you. My name is Tubbo. W-What's yours?"
He had planned out this interaction in his head. Over and over and over. Ever since he heard about Ghostboo. About the ghost with the sheet who acted nothing like his past self. He never expected it to be this hard.
It's silent for a beat too long, and Tubbo begins to wonder if perhaps the lack of sleep got to him and this was all a hallucination, when slowly, he feels an ice cold hand take hold of his.
"My name is Ghostboo"
Tubbo slowly peels his eyes back open, and is relieved to see he's put back on his sheet. He wonders if he noticed how much taking it off affected Tubbo. He wonders if Ghostboo is just as attuned to his emotions as Ranboo was.
He shakes himself out of that thought before it could get out of control.
This isn't Ranboo. This isn't Ranboo.
Tubbo nods and shakes Ghostboo's hand, before letting go and quickly clenching his fist again. His nails are gonna dig into his palms and reopen his wounds, he'll have to-
"Be careful. If you clench too hard you'll do that thing where you make yourself bleed" Ghostboo leans a little closer to him, and Tubbo feels like all the air has left him at once.
"R-Right" Tubbo squeaks out, slowly unclenching his hands.
Ghostboo leans down further, as if to grab his hand again and take a look at it, but Tubbo flinches, banging his head into the wall behind him. The ghost quickly backs up again, and despite the sheet that covers him, Tubbo can't help but think he looks a little.... sad.
Ghostboo stares for a second longer, before recovering, "So.... you said you're..."
"Not your husband. And you're not mine" Tubbo swallows, tries to remember the mini speech he prepared, "You're not Ranboo. You're something completely different. And I'd prefer if you'd.... stay away from me"
Ghostboo is the one who flinches this time, as if he had been burned, and Tubbo's heart breaks a little more.
The ghost tries to inch closer yet again, "But.... but I'm better now! I'm not afraid, or anxious, or a coward! I can be a much better husband this time around, Bo, I promise!"
"Don't call me that!" Tubbo snaps. His chest heaves, and he feels like he might faint. He quiets down again, voice almost a whisper, "Please don't call me that...."
Ghostboo stares at him again, and Tubbo feels exposed. He can almost see the gears working themselves in the ghost's brain.
"You.... you really loved him..... didn't you?" Ghostboo's voice lowers to match him.
Tubbo stares back at him, and feels dread settle in his stomach, heavy and threatening to tear him apart, "You have his memories.... did he not know?"
There's a pause, Ghostboo looking at what Tuboo feels like is his soul, raw and bare for anyone to see.
The seconds tick by, and Tubbo can feel himself getting more and more tense, bracing himself for what he knows is coming. For the answer that would affirm the doubt he's always carried with him, that would whisper at him from the back of his mind.
"No. He didn't"
It's three simple words, and yet it's all it takes for the string that's been holding Tubbo taut to snap, letting him collapse onto the floor in a heap.
His chest shakes with sobs, crying for the very first time since Ranboo died. He never allowed himself to, never took the time. It seems as if his body is making up for it, tears flowing without any sign of slowing down.
He didn't know. He didn't know.
He can faintly hear Ghostboo leaving, saying he'll be back later, and he doesn't have enough energy to tell him he never wants to see him again.
He didn't know.
Tubbo's left alone with a chest he's always wanted, and a missing half he can never get back.