Chapter Text
News flash - Bombur was fat.
Not "chubby". Not "soft". Not "could stand to lose twenty pounds" or any of the other euphemisms people (usually non-fat ones) liked to use when discussing such things.
He was fucking fat.
He had been pretty damn big for as long as he could remember, but it had gone DEFCON 5 for sure after his parents had died. He was a grown man, he knew that, but losing both of them so suddenly, one right after the other, had been devastating. Just...devastating. It had felt as if his insides were weeping all the time, keening and sobbing and the only way to give himself peace had been to eat. Anything, everything - it didn't matter, only the sheer volume and frequency did.
So...yeah.
By the time he'd come up for air, the despair finally abating ever so slightly and the voice of his brother finally piercing through ("Jesus, Bom! How could you eat...never mind."), the serious damage had been done and he simply resigned himself to the reality that he was one fat dude.
Frankly, it was easier than trying to wrap his mind around the work that would have to be done to change that fact (fuck you very much, Biggest Loser!) and all in all, he didn't really mind that much. Bofur's gregarious and easy nature had always eluded him - Bombur had always been shy and a bit of a loner so, well, now his outside made it that much easier. People tended to either just look right through fat folks, as if they were simply not there, or they regarded them uncomfortably, often with a touch of condescension, likely thinking, "Holy shit, how did you get that fat?" or "I would never let myself go like that" or maybe even the schadenfreude-esque "thank god that's not me."
Bombur was used to it all. Really, what did it matter? His brother and cousin loved him unconditionally and it wasn't as if he'd been planning on getting married or something. Thank Christ for that, too, because holy shit the gays could be hard on anyone not hot hot hot so even before reaching his current proportions he'd resigned himself to basically never dating. You had to be pretty damn cute and not shy at all to find a guy willing to take a second look so...that was that. He lived vicariously through Bofur's lurid tales ("holy hell, Bom, it honestly felt like he was sucking my memories out through my dick! I literally couldn't remember my name afterwards!") and watched his fair share of porn.
Even fatties have needs, he would think a bit sourly, after it was over and he sat there on his bed with his pants still unfastened and his hand sticky with semen. This fatty, anyway.
So his life revolved around working (and yes, please bring on all the jokes about fat chefs, oh the hilarity! Never heard that one before!) and hanging with Bofur and Bifur and occasionally whacking off in his bedroom after telling his brother he had another migraine and was going to go lie down and then studiously ignoring Bofur's knowing look. The prick.
And he was, if not happy, then at least content. If this is what it's gonna be, he would think, then I'm aces.
And then he met Nori.
Nori was everything a self-respecting man could want. Stunning and charismatic, always dressed perfectly, clearly smart as a whip.
Bombur loved him from the first time he saw him.
And then he felt like a complete ass.
There was no way in hell he had a chance with Nori. It was ridiculous. Absurd. It went against the very rules of nature. It was so wildly improbable as to be almost unsatisfying to wank to the thought.
Almost.
Days melted into weeks and Nori continued to torture Bombur with his extremely regular presence in the restaurant. They had a Michelin star so it wasn't as if they didn't have a fairly loyal and regular clientele but, as it was nearly impossible to secure a table without a reservation and as reservations were booked at least six weeks in advance, his sudden and consistent presence was noteworthy. Bombur assumed he must be not only wealthy (as if the obviously custom-made-and-not-in-China-either suits weren't enough of a tip-off) but well-connected too.
And if Bombur arrived ridiculously early to work a few times to snoop around the office and reservation system to see if he could find out who at the restaurant must know Nori...well. Sometimes the head chef needs to get there first thing for deliveries and such (and never you mind that there was an entire kitchen of minions for just such a purpose. Bombur was the head chef, thank you very much, he could do as he pleased).
Regardless, all those early morning yielded exactly...nothing. Not a damn thing.
It was as if Nori was made of smoke.
Extremely sexy, lean and mean smoke.
Not that it mattered because guys that looked like Nori never went for guys that looked like Bombur. It was never gonna happen and any effort Bombur put toward trying to discover something, anything, about Nori was wasted time that only made the reality that much more bitter.
I wonder if he would wait for a couple years, Bombur mused one evening after a particularly vigorous wank session (spurred on by visions of Nori rising out of the surf like Ursula Andress in Dr. No, wearing a similarly hot bathing suit, striding toward Bombur, slicking back his hair and grinning wolfishly and oh yes yes yes god that's it that's...)
It would take a least a couple years to really get all this under control, he thought as he wiped one hand absentmindedly on a tissue and poked at his sizable belly with the other. At least.
And then he sighed and slumped off to brush his teeth.
Any and all thoughts along those lines would lead to nothing but heartache.
And so Bombur determined he'd best keep fantasy Nori and his longing for real Nori totally separate. Fantasy Nori was like Fantasy Luke Evans and they were both about as likely to want to date him so...better to leave it all alone.
And then Nori asked to meet him.
It was not so unusual really. He was, after all, the head chef in a Michelin-starred restaurant so naturally people asked to meet him pretty often.
People. Not Nori.
He basically broke out into a sweat when the server came back and told him.
"Ummm..." he stammered and could tell, he could just tell, that the server had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. "I...uh..."
"You know the guy I mean, right?" the server asked, his admiration of Nori practically ooozing from every pore. "Really sexy, reddish hair, crazy high cheekbones? Been coming in almost every day for a while?"
"Uhnn..." Bombur managed.
"Should I just say you're too busy tonight?" the server asked, clearly yearning to be done with his sweaty, fat, peculiar boss.
"No!" Bombur practically shouted before flushing crimson as he heard the desperate eagerness in his voice and saw the little wince of...distaste flash across the server's face. Great, now every single person at work would know he was hot for Nori...and they could all just laugh their asses off at how that fat fuck Bombur would look with lithe, beautiful Nori in bed or some other nasty, mean thing...
And then he realized that he was still just standing there, sweating, staring bug-eyed at the server while he worried about people picturing him with Nori. He hadn't even met Nori, and now maybe he never would because at least a year had to have gone by since the server had come in to ask his innocuous question, and here he was, just standing there, being fat and being pathetic, and still not meeting Nori and it all just became too much.
In a moment of clarity Bombur decided that, while he was indeed fat, he did not need to be hopeless as well.
Breathing deeply and reaching down into his soul to gather what remained of his courage and self-worth (Michelin star, baby!) he nodded wordlessly at the server and followed him out into the dining room, wiping his hands against his chef whites and praying they weren't really as drenched with sweat as they felt like they were.
The server led him through the entire room, weaving around tables and avoiding the other service personnel peppered throughout, clearly heading for the prime tables by the river, overlooking the water.
Other patrons glanced up and smiled a bit, nodding in recognition and appreciation and there did not seem to be too many surprised grimaces when the realization that their flawless food had been prepared by that guy...but before Bombur's mind could zip any further down that pointless and humiliating train of thought they arrived at their destination, and all thought of any kind fled.
Holy shit, but he was beautiful.
It was almost as if he was glowing a little more brightly than everyone else, that's how glorious he was. Creamy skin with just enough wrinkles to give him character and a dash of freckles (freckles! Bombur's knees went weak) across his nose and absurdly high cheekbones. His jaw was dusted with the barest hint of stubble, making him seems incredibly masculine and the slightest bit dangerous...like a gangster or something, a very well-heeled gangster in an Prada suit, and -
He was suddenly aware that Nori was looking at him expectantly, as were his companions - a older guy and a younger one, who both resembled Nori enough that Bombur immediately assumed they must be related.
He chanced a side glance at the server who was also looking at him, though his expression was more embarrassed and weary than anticipatory, as if what was transpiring was only what he had expected.
They must have asked me something, Bombur sorted out a bit blearily, trying hard not to stare as he couldn't help but stare.
"Ummm...pardon?" he choked out.
Nori smiled and Bombur was sure he was just going to keel over, and everyone would think it was because he was fat but really it would be because that smiled had killed him. Just killed him dead.
"I said it's a real pleasure to finally meet you," Nori said gently, and Bombur was immensely grateful for the concession. In his experience people got very impatient with fat people, as if they were drooling, vapid entities one resented having to spend any more time on than absolutely necessary.
He tried to smile back and figured he must have been moderately successful because Nori's smile widened in response, and the other two men smiled a bit too. Thank goodness for that because it felt as if his lips were stretched freakishly thin.
"Your food is absolutely exquisite," he continued. "I've been coming quite a bit lately- " and he smiled even more widely as Bombur began to nod quickly before belatedly remembering he was trying very hard to not appear like a crazy stalker and stopped himself awkwardly in mid-nod, "and there has not been a single misstep. Not one."
The older man spoke up then. "I couldn't agree more. It lived up to every expectation I had and Nori can tell you, I had very high expectations."
The younger one snorted a bit and then all three started to laugh as Nori clapped the older one affectionately on the shoulder, smiling fondly at him.
"'Very high' is the polite way of saying he was sure all the buzz about you was completely overrated," Nori said, grinning as the older man began to sputter in denial. "Oh now, Dori - don't deny it. I have a feeling Chef can take whatever it is you have to give him."
Bombur blinked and smiled a little as Nori looked up at him rather...sympathetically? And strangely it didn't feel like sympathy for his companion's words, it felt like...what exactly? Bombur couldn't quite put his finger on it but it felt...profound, as if Nori was looking into his heart a little and offering warmth for all that Bombur had endured his whole life.
He blinked again, recognizing how foolish that was and then cleared his throat so he could offer a soft, "Thank you for the compliment. Truly, it's my pleasure. Very glad you enjoyed it."
The older one (Dori?) smiled warmly as the younger one said, "Oh, we more than enjoyed it, Chef. This was hands down the best meal I've ever eaten. I can't speak for my brothers - "
"Although they do enjoy speaking for you, eh?" Nori interjected and they all laughed again.
"But this was a spectacular meal. Really spectacular," the young man continued, grinning at his two older brothers as he pushed his glasses up his nose a bit. "Lord only knows what sort of favor Nori is going to expect from us in return."
Nori leaned over to punch him lightly on the arm as they all laughed again; and Bombur was simultaneously charmed by their obvious closeness and left feeling terribly awkward, as it suddenly seemed they were done with him.
"Well, ummm..." he muttered as he shuffled his not-inconsiderable weight from foot to foot, trying with his muddled head to figure out how to gracefully leave without calling attention to himself. The server's hand reached out to grip his arm and he used the rather uncomfortable but solid sensation to ground himself a bit.
He let the server begin to lead him away, back toward the kitchen (where he belonged, let's be very clear about that), when suddenly Nori spoke up, slicing through the silence.
"Chef, one more thing," he said in that gruff but mellow voice of his, and Bombur stopped so suddenly the server was brought up short and even yanked back a bit.
Ignoring the scathing look he received he glanced back at Nori, and saw the man pulling at his tie a bit while his brothers smirked and shared a look.
It was the smirks that did it.
A huge red flag went up as Nori cleared his throat and Bombur whipped his eyes back to him, braced for whatever was coming next though he could not fathom what that might be.
"I don't suppose..." Nori began and for the life of him Bombur would have said he sounded...uncertain.
Huh.
He caught Nori’s brothers giving each other another look, and caught the younger one nudging Nori’s arm and Nori swatting the hand away, making the older one laugh a little.
And strangely, all of a sudden, none of the nudging and the smirking and the laughing felt directed at him. It felt...directed at Nori.
What is going on?
He smiled a little and was so confused/soothed/excited/confused again to see Nori smile back. He almost wanted to look back at the snarky server, to see if he was going crazy or if the server had seen Nori smile back at him, too.
“You, ummm - “ Bombur said and then winced inside.
Is that the best you can do? the voice in his head shrieked. Jesus, I’m outta here.
“You were saying?” he forced out and then held his breath.
Nori cleared his throat again and definitely looked nervous. Bombur was pretty certain he was right about that. Nervous for sure.
Well, that make two of us, he thought wryly as he stood and waited, utterly mystified.
The server was as still as stone and Bombur didn’t need to see him to know he was likely standing there, not breathing, ready to take in every detail of what was about to happen so he could share it with everyone in the kitchen, probably at Bombur’s expense, and Bombur wondered idly if he could just fire the guy before they got back there so that whatever humiliation was hurtling toward him at warp-speed could stay private and -
“Would you care to have dinner with me?”
Bombur’s jaw dropped open. He heard the server gasp dramatically behind him.
He struggled to draw in enough breath to choke out, “Excuse me?”
Nori’s jaw clenched and he raked his hand through his hair, mussing it a little and somehow making himself look even more gorgeous.
“Dinner?” he asked again. “With me? I know - “
And then Bombur saw the brothers grin at each other and suddenly everything clicked into place.
His face flamed beet red and he muttered, “Umm, well. I...uh. Enjoy your dinner.”
And then he fled.
He didn’t even know which way he was going. His eyes were filled with tears because all of a sudden that seemed like the best and most adult thing to do and without the condescending but firm presence of the asshole server he wasn’t aware of which direction he was moving.
That...bastard. That horrible...bastard.
You know, honestly - it wasn’t as if Bombur had thought Nori actually might fancy him or anything (not really, anyway. Not totally) but he certainly hadn’t expected to be the punchline of some bullshit dare or whatever that was and holy hell, if a Michelin star and a fabulous restaurant people were selling their soul to get into wasn’t enough to get respect what was?
What was?
Did everything come down to being fat? Could he cure cancer, solve world hunger, stop wars and would the first thing anyone would say of him was that he was fat?
Jesus Christ, but that hurt.
It wasn’t as if he’d known Nori, he reminded himself. They weren’t friends. This wasn’t really a betrayal of any kind. It was rude and disrespectful but hardly dishonest. It wasn’t -
“Chef!”
Bombur automatically turned and Nori slammed right into him.
Without thinking he reached up and grasped the smaller man, stopping his fall. He felt the muscles under the expensive suit and couldn’t stop himself from squeezing, just a little bit, before he let go.
Nori whuffed out a lungful of air upon impact and then laughed, a tad unsteadily, as Bombur set him to rights.
“Thank you, Chef,” he said, smiling as he brushed himself off. “You were so quick I was practically running to keep up with you!”
And finally Bombur found his nerve.
“So, what? Fat people are slow? We’re just lazy and slow and easy to catch, like...like turtles?” he hissed, no longer caring who was watching or what they might see. “Sorry to disappoint you! Sorry I made it difficult for you to continue to mock - “
Nori’s brow crinkled as he frowned and cut in, “Mock? Chef, what are - “
“Mock me! You and your family! I’m not blind! I could tell what was happening, laughing and all!” Bombur responded, his voice shrill, and it occurred to him too late that perhaps standing up for himself while not sounding like a crazy seventh-grader was something he should have worked out a bit better.
Nori frowned even harder and now looked...confused.
“Chef, I’m not sure what you - “ he tried again and again Bombur cut him off.
“Dinner!” Bombur practically shouted. “Asking me to dinner as a dare! That’s what I’m talking about!”
Nori froze, and then he drew in a stuttering breath.
“You think…” he stammered and then stopped. “Chef, I - “
Bombur was done.
“Just...never mind. I’m willing to forget all this happened. But know that you didn’t fool me! That I didn’t - “
Nori reached out and took his hand.
Bombur looked down at their hands, his larger, sturdy one held in Nori’s pale, wiry one and then looked up at Nori.
“Wha - “
“May I please speak now?” Nori asked lightly, smiling at little and squeezing Bombur’s hand. “Please? I think I can clear a few things up.”
Bombur nodded dumbly and looked down at their hands again. Now their fingers were entwined.
Wha…?
“The reason I’ve been coming in so much has not been because of the food, as incredible as it is,” Nori was saying but all Bombur could hardly hear him over the buzz in his ears as he looked at their fingers, sturdy and wiry, interlocking with each other.
“It’s been because I...ummm. Well.” Nori took a deep breath. “Because I have a bit of a crush on you, you see.”
Wha…??
Bombur’s head snapped up and and he saw Nori looking at him; and he searched and scoured and looked as hard as he could...but he didn’t see any evidence of a joke.
Nori seemed as if he were being...totally honest.
So...if Nori is being totally honest and he just said he has a crush on me, Bombur’s mind flailed, then maybe that means he really has a -
Wha…WHAAA???
Everything short-circuited at once and Bombur could only stand there and gape, which a little voice sarcastically assured him was an entirely winning expression on anyone’s face.
Nori gave him a small smile and then squeezed Bombur’s hand...and if Bombur had thought Nori’s smile would kill him he didn’t even have words for how it felt to have Nori squeeze his hand.
No. Words.
None.
“Sorry to put it so...baldly,” Nori said quietly, leaning in a little closer, “but...well, you were - “
“Um,” Bombur cut in, looking back down at their hands...their squeezing hands.
Oh dear Lord.
“I, uh…” he tried again but his mouth was so dry...like, Saharan-levels of dry and he just couldn’t get his tongue to move. Not that it mattered because he really had no idea what he wanted to say. This was all just...unreal.
Nori smiled more widely and then let go of Bombur’s hand.
“Ohhhhh...:” Bombur whined as his hand dropped and Nori laughed a little, which made Bombur flush. He tried to cover with, “I, huh, I only meant - “
“S’all right,” Nori said softly. “I’m incredibly flattered.”
And...finally he could speak.
“You’re incredibly flattered?” Bombur said incredulously. “You’re flattered?? But you’re...and I’m…”
And now Nori was frowning again and Bombur stopping talking because he wanted that smile to come back...like, right this very minute.
“I’m what?” Nori asked tersely. “Some guy in a suit? Who cares? There are millions just like me. But you...you’re - “
“Fat,” Bombur blurted out and then flushed again...or maybe still. It was hard to sort out. Either way, it felt as if his face might just melt off his head, that’s how hot it was. He coughed a little, bringing his handkerchief up to muffle it which was really only an excuse to mop his forehead a little.
Jesus, what was he doing?? It wasn’t as if Nori couldn’t see he was fat for himself!
“I mean, I’m...pretty big,” he then said awkwardly, “and you’re...well. Um. Not big. You’re - “
“Skinny,” Nori finished for him with a grin. “Skinny as hell. Even Ori weighs more than me.”
“Ori…?”
“The younger one,” Nori supplied and Bombur nodded.
“I only mean...guys like you (stunning, beautiful, breathtaking) don’t usually...well.” Bombur stopped, because he didn’t really know how to put it. It wasn’t something he’d ever had to explain to anyone before. It just...was, like how the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.
Guys that look like Nori don’t go for guys that look like Bombur. Cut and print.
Nori laughed and said, “Then most guys are assholes. Didn’t your mom ever tell you that?”
Bombur’s hands started twisting together and his heart started pounding, seriously pounding in his chest.
Could he could he could he could he
“And I completely understand if you don't want to do dinner,” Nori continued. “I was able to get two tickets to that show at the Public - “
“Of course you were,” Bombur cut in and then Nori really laughed and Bombur had to lean back against the wall that was conveniently close because...yeah.
Shrugging a little helplessly Nori said, “Yeah, well - I do have connections, it’s true. And I’ve never been more grateful for them than these last few weeks because it’s been a bitch and a half to come here so often even with the connections and there was just no way, no way I couldn’t be here and - “
And now it was his turn to blush a little, and laugh self-consciously.
Bombur’s heart stuttered alarmingly in his chest, prompting him to rub at his chest with his hand.
Nori noticed and asked, “You okay?”, the concern evident on his face.
Nodding, Bombur tried to smile...and then he tried to make it reassuring as his first effort only made Nori look more concerned.
“Yeah,” he said.
Nori relaxed.
“Oh, good,” he said, obviously relieved.
Bombur smiled again and blushed again and well, that was just the way it was going to be, wasn’t it?
“No,” he said. “I meant, yes - I’d love to go out with you.”
Nori’s smile was heart-stopping.
Like, literally. Literally heart-stopping.
Oh, fuck! Am I -
And then it started again.
Whew. Nope, I’m good.
He looked at Nori grinning at him.
Oh, yeah. I’m good.
fin