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It was a mystery, even to him, how everything could become so blurry, feel so alien but so familiar at the same time, the entanglement of emotions raging inside his chest.
In that horrific moment all he could remember were the smallest details, maybe seemingly insignificant compared to the big, more important memories he carried with him, but they were the ones that made him acutely aware of how much he felt.
He could remember the smell of lavender and cinnamon that one night when they had gone out for dinner for the first time as newlyweds; she had put her head on his shoulder, laughing at his jokes and when he looked down, he could see their intertwined hands adorned by their wedding bands. It had made him feel at peace.
He’d remembered the way she smiled at him, her eyes bright and happy, when he had told her about his intricate plan, instead of letting her wait for it to unravel like he used to do. He had promised her to be more open with what was going on in his head, but he hadn’t anticipated her reaction– he recalled the way she looked in that moment, and how it made it hard for him to breathe, thinking how something so unimportant, like telling her a silly little plan of his, could have made her feel appreciated and loved. He had made a mental note to try even harder in letting his walls down, because he could deal with handling his emotions for her.
“Is she alright?”
He’d remembered the weight of her hand resting on his chest, and how the sight had always calmed him down whenever he’d woken up in the middle of the night, his head aching from the nightmares of his past that still had a way of sneaking into the corners of his mind at times.
“She’s going to be alright. I know she’s going to be fine.”
It was a melody. Ha had walked into the house to the sound of something, all gibberish and no sense, and when he’d made his way to the salon and laid his eyes on his wife, safely asleep on the couch, and the baby nestled on her side, cheering at the screen, his heart had swelled, and from that moment, that little melody always made him a little tearful whenever he heard it.
“Jane, she will be alright, you hear me? She’ll be fine.”
He nodded.
~~~
“Is there any way that I can keep you in bed a bit longer?” he asked her with a grin, pouring himself a cup of tea, and tuning out all the shuffle of FBI workers around them and the Christmas tunes they were whistling.
Her gaze turned serious the moment she looked at him, and he knew she wasn’t fooled by his cheerfulness to hide how much worry he’d been through in the past few weeks. He’d never been able to fool her.
“Jane, I know what you’re going to say.”
“You read minds now? Well, can be since you’re living with a psychic now, must have siphoned some of my powers when I was sound asleep.”
Her eyes softened. She was used to his sarcastic responses as a way of avoidance the topics that mattered to him. “You don’t want me to keep working here, I get it. I really do. Now, after what happened, you must feel stronger about it. We have been dancing around the subject for quite some time, and we should talk about it, really talk about it.”
He drank in the sight of her, the worry and uncertainty visible in her, and a slight tremble to her lip.
Their continuance in FBI was something they had yet to fully work through. Truth to be told, he hated that sinking feeling in his stomach when things got serious and any little mistake could lead to everything going awry and he could lose her in a matter of seconds. It was that part of the job, where his wits were useless, that he dreaded.
“Teresa, you said it was just a scratch, no?” he joked, stroking her wounded shoulder with care.
And then there was other side to this job, where he caused trouble among suspects and their relatives and friends and random by–standers, and she was always there by his side to stop him from getting himself killed or arrested. Not that she was ever successful at preventing him from creating chaos everywhere, but he found it adorable to still see her try after all these years. He loved having her not only as his wife, his friend, the mother of his child, but as well as his partner.
“I have been thinking about it, so let me just say this,” he took her hand in his and placed a kiss on her knuckles. “I know you love this job and I want to be by your side every step of the way, in every part of our lives, the good and the bad. That’s what I promised you and I will hold onto that, no matter what.”
“You’re the toughest woman I know,” he placed another kiss as he spoke, and he could feel the shivers on her skin. “It’s a wishful thinking, but I’m going to hold onto the hope that we are going to survive anything that comes our way.”
He gave her a smile, a smile that was a testimony of his words, and wiped away the tears that formed in the corners of her eyes. “And it has to be enough.”
She wrapped her hands around him, and he embraced her tightly, holding onto her like he was holding onto the hope he wouldn’t ever lose her.
“I had a feeling you were going to get all tearful on me, so if you look up, I hope you’ll cheer up a bit,” he told her as his smile turned into a grin.
His gaze never left her face when she looked above, so he didn’t miss the way she lit up, all tears gone and forgotten, replaced with a joyful glint in her eyes, as she caught sight of the mistletoe he had hang up this morning.
“You’re unbelievable.”
“I try,” he shrugged. “Come here,” he pulled her closer and placed a kiss on her lips, confirming everything he had just said.
Partner.