Work Text:
midoriya: woah a cross over?
not exactly a cross over but i like to think that midoriya can fuck everyone up when they are quirkless
aoyama: it says here that i am quirkless?
midoriya will you read it out?
midoriya: midoriya and aoyama were both born quirkless, they met when they were in kindergarten, they couldn't find a martial art because discrimination, started creating their own martial art style and learning how to use weapons by themselves, they trained so much they have to hold back in a normal fight
aoyama: je et toi are quirkless now
==
Izuku bursts through Yuga's door because he got the sao new game, he was so exited because they were 2 of the 100 beta testers, which of course got them free copies, they also of course had, and improved the nerve gear, that was harder
"Yuga! YOU GOT THE NEW VERSION OF SAO YET?" he marched through the house to Yuga's room
Yuga puts his head out of his room "I DID! HURRY UP"
Izuku quickly goes into Yuga's room "you remember how we helped Akihiko-san code some of the realism and AIs" he enters seeing that the nerve gears are set up.
"yeah? didn't we sneak in some one of a kind things like the dual weilding skill?" izuku says while puting on the nerve gear, then lays on the futon
"Yup, that was like what 3 weeks ago?" Yuga puts on his own nerve gear and lay on his bed
"link start" they say and unconcious they go
Izuku logged in as Izuma while Yuga logged in as Yuya and inside the world here they are, when they logged in they saw lots of players,
"we're back again, lets go" then they see all the adds, "turn on ad blocker" they both say
and an add block that costs 300 yen appears "damn it akihiko"
(midoriya: is this the abridged? )
yes
"hey Yuya, lets go find the things" he walked to a blonde, with greeneyes with the account named Yuya
"sure thing Izuma" they start looking for the few things that they snuck into the game, like the auto alchemy set, and the controllable arrow bow
after a few hours and finding both sets, which was not blocked by many quests, then Izuma get called by Akihiko and pick up the call, "hello akihiko-san,"
"Izuma, theres a bug that when you die in game, you die in real life, and that if anyone logs out their heads explode so i turned off the og out button"
"that is a problem indeed, the excuse you're gonna use is that there is a hacker that hacked into the game and made a virus that did this, and that you're trying to fix it as fast as possible" he walks to Yuya who has fallen
"that is smart thank you, i might have not thought of that"
"before you end call, we'll help with the bug if you give the coding screen and to add changes"
"deal" call ends and now they have one extra tab
izuma then sees 2 people, one with a redish hair and one that has pink hair, "Yuya! lets go" he starts running to the 2, with Yuya behind him as he picks up a pebble to snipe a boar, while Yuya sniped another boar
"you two okay?" izuma asked putting out a hand to help them up
"thanks, i didn't want to die in the first 5 minutes" the pink one says while pulling themselves up
"yeah, that was super manly" the red ish one says, Yuya was helping him up
they then get teleported to the plaza of the first floor
then the sky bled
then a figure appeared from the blood
"and the sky is bleeding," someone says
"they're really going for that m rating" Izuma hears this near the last person
"oh my god whats going on?" a girl says
"don't worry baby. i'll protect you" a skinny boy says
the blood forms into a scarlet cloaked person
"Ladies and gentlemen. I am Kayaba Akihiko, head programmer. Welcome to the unparalleled online experience that is... Sword Art Onli-" then people starts to chat with others
"Um, hello? Hel- Hello? Um, hello, people? Kinda talking here. Focus. Kay. Yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead and disable general chat her-" kayaba mutes himself
kayaba unmutes himself and says "Alright, I just realized what happened there. It's very funny. But right now, serious time. How many of you have seen Tron?
silence from everyone
"W-What? Seriously?! None of you have seen Tron?! Sh*t, I was really banking that. Okay. Okay, no prob. I can wing this. *Clears throat* Much like the World of Warcraft, none of you are here by choice anymore. Unlike WoW, however, you are being held here by me, not by your need to escape your empty f**king lives. There is no longer any way to log out of Sword Art Online. If someone on the outside attempts to log you out by removing your NerveGear, well... Has anyone seen Scanners?"
More silence
"Uh, Scanners. It's- It's a movie that- Seriously?! Okay, gimme a sec. I'll just..."
kayaba browses the internet
"Alright, here we- here we go. Watch this."
Kayaba plays a clip of a man's head exploding.
crowd gasps
"Okay, finally! Seeing some gears turning. We're making progress."
"Why would you do such a thing?!"
"Stephen? Stephen, is that you? Stephen, how are you enjoying that advance copy?"
"I'm playing with my family!" apperantly stephen says
"*Laughing* Oh, that's right! Happy birthday Timmy!"
Timmy cries
"Ah, they grow up so fast. Cherish these moments, Stephen. Cherish these moments. So, as I was saying, the only way to keep the NerveGear from going all Gallagher on your grey matter is to make your way through Castle Aincrad and beat Sword Art Online!"
"So... you want us to beat an MMO?" someone says
"Essentially"
"F**K YOU"
"WHOOOAAA! getting a lot of hostility here. Don't appreciate it."
"Well, honestly! When was the last time you heard of someone beating Everquest?!"
"When was the last time you heard of someone PLAYING Everquest?!"
a brief silence
"thats fair"
"Anywho, for all you guys who wanted to play as girls; and you know who you are, well, I've got a surprise for you."
Mirrors appear in all players hands, then the avatars turn into what they look like in real life
originally guy and girl turned to fat male and skinny male
"You're not a girl!" Fatty says
"and your not 17" skinny says then brief silence
"i'm okay with this!"
"Me too!"
izuna says "LOVE KNOWS NO GENDER!!!!"
"thats neat right yuya?" izuma says looking back at yuga in all his french glory
"it is isn't it" yuya in his original french glory says
"how bout you guys," he looks at the now mostly all pink girl with black eyes and golden irises with the username as pinkie and the now redish black haired boy with sharp teeth and red eys as kired
"thats cute in a weird way"
"YO Kayaba!! is there anything for people that are trans and want to change their gender!!"
"Thank you marketing team, well you can change you're gender at the menu shop, it costs 20 dollars"
"As you can see, I have peeled away your petty facades and revealed you for what you truly are... fairly attractive twenty-somethings, apparently. Good for you. Kinda undermines the whole "cold light of day" thing I had planned, but still. Way to break down stereotypes. 'Cept you, fatty. Way to bring down the curve." akihiko-san laughs" OH, oh, oh! One more thing, one more thing! I should probably mention if your health points reach zero, your real bodies perish as well. "
"imma fuck with him" Izuma whispers to them
"WHAT?!"
"Uh, okay. If you die in the game, you die for real." yuya has an amused smile while the other 2 are trying not to laugh
"WHAT?!"
"Really? Okay." akihiko-san Clears his throat "Sometimes, things are born, they live, and then they stop. Forever."
brief silence
"WHAT?!" he says snickering
the other 2 are laughing but nobody other than them gets it, and most of the crowd thinks it's an act
izuma heres a muttered, "damn it izuma" then pulls up the same scanners clip
"Oh my god! If we die in the game, we die for real!" someone says
"Yeah, I'm just gonna keep that tabbed. And with that, I bid you all adieu." he says
Kayaba's body begins turn to smoke and his cloak begins to fade away.
"Oh, oh, oh! Last thing, I swear. This game was hacked and i am working on that, and I also disabled the profanity filter. Haaave fun with thaaat."
The smoke that was once akihiko san filters through the hexagons in the sky, which disappear with a comedic pop. The crowd is stunned into silence.
"WE'RE FUCKED!!"
Izuma is laughing on the ground then slowly stops
then kired says, "you challenged god, and won, that was super manly"
"thank you, anyway i think we should start a guild, Yuya, you two and me we'll teach you the game and then you can help us recruit"
"sure thing, i-izuma"
"kired (tired), or is it ki-red"
"i knew you should of picked a better name" pinkie says
izuma brings out the menu and starts putting in a guild application, and said applicaation costed mone because he didn't have enough gold, anyway izuku's money goes into the guild application and now they almost formed a new guild
"what should we name our guild"
"how about the dazzaing warriors"
"or space royals" pinkie says
"how about mighty heroes"
"chaotic gremlins it is" and when he typed it in it was not taken and he now they have the guild chaotic gremlin
then a child around their age runs through them crying, "kir-i-to" izuma says slowly
"oh it's been a while, since i last saw him"
he then sends a request for the other 3 to join
"there we go, now join, and we can help each other"
they join the guild, and to training they go
==
midoria: thats a lot of copying and pasting
it was worth it
aoyama: it was very dazzaling
anyway go to "something witty entertainment" if you want to see the real abridged