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They had made a promise to each other: if neither of them had met someone and married by the time they were 30, they would marry each other. They were best friends after all, living together would be great! To 15 year old Kagome, it had seemed like a fool proof way to end up with the guy she’d been in love with since she could remember, even if she never grew the courage to tell him that.
But then he had met someone, her cousin Kikyo who’d come to visit from her prestigious school in the city over a holiday break just before they graduated highschool. She and Inuyasha had gone off to college together, and Kagome had lost touch with them both.
Once she’d actually hit 30 just earlier that week, she’d realized how silly such promises were. 30 wasn’t old. She still had more than enough time to meet someone and fall in love again, even if so far she’d simply had a string of bad dates and an overly busy schedule as a nurse and Shrine caretaker. It was fine! Everything was fine.
Only it wasn’t.
Palms sweaty with the nervousness buzzing through her veins, Kagome gripped her steering wheel, staring up at the large, lush building she was parked in front of through her steering wheel.
This was where her current best friend Sango was marrying her fiancé Miroku. It’s where she would serve as Maid of Honor for the ceremony. It’s where she would walk down the aisle with Miroku’s best man… her former best friend Inuyasha. They’d apparently met at the university he’d gone to with Kikyo before Miroku transferred to the one she and Sango graduated from, but he and Inuyasha had remained like brothers.
And now she was about to be reunited with only person she’d ever loved, who had known her better than anyone, who she hadn’t seen in the better part of a decade, and her nerves were absolutely shot.
Taking a deep breath, she finally stepped out of her car and moved to open the back door and gather her bridesmaid’s outfit. There were still some hours before she would see him, no sense in being late to get ready because she couldn’t handle a reunion with an old friend.
That’s all it had to be, she tried to remind herself, just some catching up and then moving on again.
But her heart cracked to think she could be so close to him today only to lose him again.
She wondered what he’d look like, how maturity had changed him, how elegant he and Kikyo would look now that they’d grown passed being gawky teenagers.
As her hair was smoothed and pinned and her dress was zipped and straightened, Kagome tried force her anxiety into numbness. It worked as they took getting ready photos, fluffed Sango’s veil, buckled her shoes, touched up her makeup, and walked the hall of the venue to the ceremony sight.
And then there he was, hair pulled back in a sleek, low tail at the nape of his neck, a little shorter than he wore it as kids, but still passed his shoulders. His warm brown eyes widened and melted when he saw her, and every thought and beat of her heart slowed to an undetectable crawl as all she saw in that moment was him.
She was 15 again, blushing and spluttering as she realized her feelings for her childhood best friend and dreaming of spending her life with him, loving him the way he deserved, recognizing all the wonderful parts of him everyone else refused to see because he was a little gruff and brash or came from a rougher neighborhood.
He grinned, and though his face had chiseled out with age his smile, which had once come so rarely, was till just as boyish as she remembered.
“Hey Kags! Wow, you look great.”
She gulped, a nervous grimace she hoped looked at least a little natural and easy all she could manage.
“Thanks, so do you. It’s nice to see you again, Inuyasha. I hope you’ve been well.”
“I am. It’s been such a long time. I’m really sorry about that Kagome. I should have never let myself lose contact with you like that.” His eyes had gone a little sad, and though all the old hurt of the past, of losing him completely even as a friend threatened to rear up and swallow all of her efforts to just be casual, she forced it all down into a tiny box and shoved it onto the deepest, dustiest shelf in the recesses of her memory.
“Oh don’t apologize at all! Life happens, I understand. I’m afraid I don’t speak much with my cousin anymore either, not that we were ever close. How’s Kikyo? Did she come with you?”
He looked surprise, his brows lifting as he blinked a few times, shaking his head.
“Actually Kagome, me and Ki-“
“Places everyone!” An usher shouted as the music inside began playing, and with no more time to talk, Kagome took Inuyasha’s arm and allowed him to escort her up the aisle. She kept her eyes pointedly off of him as she cried through watching her best friend marry the love of her life, though she couldn’t shake the feeling they he was watching her.
She tried not to wonder why.
She picked at her cake with her fork, choosing to take some time to herself in a distant table as the rest of the guests mingled, danced and drank. Sango looked so radiant dancing and laughing with Miroku, and said groom hadn’t stopped grinning since she first saw him that morning. She was so very pleased for her friends.
But this had all been much harder than she thought it would be, and she had known it would be hard.
If she’d ever succeeded in letting go of her romantic feelings for Inuyasha, seeing him so happy and handsome and settled ruined all of the effort she’d put in these last years apart. He was just as alive and firmly rooted in her heart as he had been, and she’d only managed to cover up that truth, not change it.
She sighed and took a sip of her wine, wondering if it would be rude for the maid of honor to leave so early when the chair next to her slid out from the table and the specter of her current thoughts sat near, much much too near.
“Hey Kags, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Why are you hiding in this corner?”
She scrambled to hide how startled she was and grinned just a touch too wide, though he didn’t seem to notice.
“Oh you know, just taking a breather from the crowd. I like a little alone time now and then.”
“Oh yeah?” He asked, leaning in a little closer, the music still a little loud even so far from the speakers. “The Kagome I knew was always the life of the party.”
She smiled a little sadly down at the cake she’d demolished, pushing some of the crumbs around and crushing an icing flower.
“People change I guess.” She murmured with a shrug, and then met Inuyasha’s eyes, surprised to see regret written across his features.
“Kagome, I never should have let myself get so wrapped up that I stopped talking to you. You were my best friend, and you deserved so much better than that.”
Resisting the urge to brush him off, Kagome took a moment to finally, really look at him.
He looked so different, not just older, but more open and relaxed. And the way he was speaking was so foreign to the closed off, taciturn boy who never opened up to anyone.
“That was very eloquent.”
He burst out laughing, a bright, full bodied laugh that scrunched his face and stole her breath away.
“Yeah well, I’ve had some therapy over the years. After Kikyo and I broke up I needed to come to terms with some things if I was ever going to be a normal person.”
“Oh Inuyasha, I’m so-“
“Don’t apologize,” he cut her off with a wave, “I was her rebellious phase and I clung to her because she was the first and only person to act like they could love me but I’ve let go of all it.”
Feeling the bits of happiness she’d managed to scrape up curdle, Kagome averted her eyes and tried not to cry.
He’d really had no idea at all how thoroughly in love with him she’d been. She’d consoled herself these years with the fact that, even if he wasn’t with her he was happy and loved and that was what he’d deserved. That he’d dedicated so much of his life to the idea of love instead…. She couldn’t believe how much time had been wasted.
“Still, that’s really awful to have to go through, though I’m glad you’ve come out the other side.”
The air between them changed, thickening with the tension of unsaid words, and Kagome felt the hair on her arms stand up, the eyes of the future staring hard at her back like a lion in a bush. Her heart raced when Inuyasha met her eyes, and she braced herself.
“Do uh…” he began, clearing his throat to give himself a moment more of hesitation. “Do you remember that promise we made to each other? When we were, what, 14? 15?”
Her brow furrowed and she completely lost her footing, plunged into unexpected waters scrambling for something to hold on to.
“Yes. Of course I do.” Her palms were sweaty again, so she dropped her fork and laced her fingers together in her lap. Her knee bounced in time with her racing heartbeat, while her thoughts slowed as though they were running through jello.
This was the very last thing she expected to discuss with him ever, a child’s game that had meant far more to her than she would ever be comfortable admitting, when her soul was already threatening to fling itself at his feet again, in reality it already had.
“Did you know,” he said with a jovial grin that clashed with the nerves sparkling in his eyes “that I came up with that because I thought it was a clever way to get you to marry me?”
Her nerves went cold, a network of icy rivers chilling every inch of her as the past and the present crashed spectacularly in a titanic explosion.
“What?” She breathed, giving up all hope of appearing happy and carefree and fine.
She was not fine.
“I was so in love you Kags. It was a stupid way for me to feel like I had some hope with you. It’s part of why I jumped at the chance of being with Kikyo when she told me she was interested. I couldn’t keep following you around mooning after you. I know it scared off some of the other guys that liked you. You didn’t deserve that.”
She’d gone completely numb as everything stopped so those words could trickle through her brain, mouth hanging open and unaware of the tears that had started falling down her face.
“Woah Kagome, I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to upset-“
“I loved you too.” She blurted quickly before her mind could reorder itself and make her see reason. “The reason I agreed to the deal was because I wanted an excuse to get to marry you.” Now she could feel the tears, and she gratefully accepted the napkin Inuyasha offered her, carefully dabbing away the tears around the expensive makeup Sango had paid for.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked breathlessly, and she giggled a little sadly through her tears.
“Would you believe I was planning to tell you the summer Kikyo came to visit?”
“Oh Kagome, I’m so sorry.”
“Well why didn’t you tell me?”
“Nothing in the world would have convinced me I had any right to do that back then. If you’d made the first move I would have jumped at the chance, but I didn’t think I deserved you. You were so kind and sweet and beautiful and I was a potty mouthed punk from the wrong side of the tracks.”
“Oh stop it Inuyasha, you know none of that is true.”
“It was. And I still believe you deserved better. I’m better now.” He said, staring into her eyes with a peculiar intensity that she hung off of, waiting breathless for him to speak again.
Inuyasha glanced around the room and chewed his lip in thought.
“Say, you just had your birthday, right?” He asked when he turned back to her, and she nodded.
“The big 30.”
“I know.” He replied, seating her face for a moment. “Exactly 4 months after me, I never forgot. Are you… Are you seeing anyone?”
Hope rooted and grew painfully fast in her heart, zipping through her being, infusing her with a lightness that threatened to send her through the roof.
“I… I’m not seeing anyone, no.”
“Me either.” He said, and then tentatively reached out and grabbed her hand.
“That means we’re both 30, and neither of us is on our way to marriage with anyone else.”
She laughed, she sobbed, all the saddness that still lingered, hidden in the shadowy part of her soul fleeing so the light of hope and happiness could flood in, making her nearly lightheaded.
“What d’ya say? Can I hold you to our old promise?”
“Yes!” She shouted, slapping her hand over her mouth, hoping she didn’t draw too much attention.
Inuyasha beamed and firmed his hold on her hand, tugging her up from their seats and pulling her toward the more hidden door of the reception site.
“There’s a chapel just up this road, my car is parked around the other side of the-“
She cut him off, pushing him behind a large, decorative pillar and yanking him down to kiss him. His shock stopped him for just a moment,and then she nearly cried again when his hands circled her waist and then swept up her back, pulling her closer, pressing her against the wall behind them.
She pulled away and they gasped for breath.
“I’ve always wanted to do that.” She said, and he grinned devilishly before grabbing her hand again and pulling her a long.
“We gotta get the hell out of here. Now.”
She jogged after him, an ecstatic, giggling mess who couldn’t even care anymore about rudely leaving too early.
Sango would understand. She’d send her an extra gift to make up for it.