Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Christmas was never Dell's strong suit. Sure, he could give one helluva gift, and have a good time, but there was no real feeling behind it. But that was before he got a sweet, caring, and slightly psychopathic partner named Alex. The aforementioned partner is why Dell is panicking in his workshop four hours before the Christmas party, without a gift for anybody but Medic (a $200 gift card to pet smart). Just as Dell realized he had an idea, the workshop door opened, and he heard Alex's boots clacking against the concrete.

"Dell, whatcha working on?" Alex asked, curiosity ever-present (no pun intended)

"Uhh...Nothing" replied Dell, clearly anxious

"Can I see this nothing you speak of?"

"Later"

At this, Alex's eyes sparkled, and he gained an almost feral grin.

"So...it's a gift..."

"No comment, now shoo, come back in an hour"

Alex, all the while smiling, walks backward out the door, staring at Dell the entire time.

"Dear god Alex, what the hell am I going to do with you."

Dell looked back at his work table and was pleased to see that everything he needed was within reach. He pulled all his tools closer and got to work.

"So, which tiny man will give doctor gift first?" Heavy asked rather resolutely.

"I will do so." Spy replied

Spy sauntered over to Ludwig and handed him a small box.  In it, contained a counter that had wires coming off it.

"Is this a kill counter for my Übersaw?  Thank you, Spy, I've been meaning to get one of these for months!

Ludwig, surprisingly giddy, slaps it onto his Übersaw and admires it for a moment.

Jane runs out of the room, saying "Doc, my gift is in my room, I forgot it, as it is very annoying to move."

Mikhail goes over to Alex and asks "Do you have present for doctor?"

As a response, Alex holds up a medium-sized box that is rather warm to the touch.  As Ludwig goes to open it, he screeches and drops it.  Mikhail walks over and sees that,  yup, there is a hat in there, and oh my god why is it on fire.  Mikhail runs over to Alex and says, in a low, dangerous tone "Why is doctor's new hat on fire, tiny man?"

"Oh, it came like that.  Doesn't hurt, just looks cool."

As Alex says this, Ludwig puts the officer's cap on, and lo and behold, he isn't screaming.

"Also, Ludwig, please do not lose that, it cost like seven thousand dollars."

"SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!?"

"Yes?"

"Dammit Alex..."

Dell wordlessly hands Ludwig a box, which he opens.  Inside is at least five hundred free six pack beer coupons.

"I'M BACK" Screams soldier, carrying a Stupendously large box in his arms.

"Uh, soldier, what is that?"

"My gift to you, doc!"

"Okay?"

Inside the massive box is a pile of human organs so high, scout could swim in it.

"SOLDIER, I COULD KISS YO-no Mikhail don't kill him wait Mikhail nO"

"So, it is Mikhail who is left, is it not?" Spy states.

"Yes, tis' true." Ludwig says "What have you brought me, my beloved guinea pig?"

"This"

Mikhail pulls out a ring

"oh shit uh I did not mean to grab that" poor Mikhail says dejectedly.

fin (4 nao)

Chapter Text

Mikhail was anxious. This was not a normal thing for him, as he was a 6'4" Russian man who could snap a man's neck in seconds. But he had accidentally pulled out the ring

that he was going to use to propose to Ludwig, and now it's all gone to shit. Don't get him wrong, he loved his Doctor, but this was a bit out of his comfort zone.

"I'm...I need a drink."

Mikhail slowly walked out of the room and went to the cabin/mansion/christmas vacation home's bar, poured himself a glass of vodka, and sat down with a huff. He sat there for what felt like five minutes, but when he looked at the clock in the room, he saw that it had been at least an hour. Just as he was contemplating this thought, Dell entered the room.

"So, you were gonna propose to the Doc?" Dell asked

"Was it not obvious?" Mikhail apathetically replied

"...Fair"

"I don't understand why ring came out of pocket. I don't know why ring was in pocket in first place..."

"Well, would you mind coming back, we all exchanged our gifts without ya, cause we figured ya wanted to be alone."

"Yes, I can do that."

And with that, Mikhail walked slowly, but very surely, back into the living room that the rest of the mercs were in.  As he walked in, he noted with surprise that Spy was not wearing his suit.  He was, instead, wearing black sweatpants and a christmas sweater that clashed horribly with said sweatpants.  He also noted with delight that there was a minigun shaped present at his space.  He walked over, and read the label: [To Mikhail, from Rudolph].  He smiled sheepishly at Ludwig, and said merc proceeded to turn redder than a tomato and hide in his coat.  Mikhail opened the present and saw that it was a Christmas sweater for Sascha!

"Rudolph, this is beautiful!  Sascha will love it!"

"Ehh...thank you Mikhail."

"Speaking of which..."

"Mikhail?"

At that, Mikhail got on one knee, (and was still at around chest height with Ludwig) and said "Doctor, we have been in a relationship for 3 years, seven months, nine days, fifteen hours, forty-five minutes, and I think it is time.  Rudolph Abelard Ludwig, will you marry me?"

The only sound that was audible was four jaws hitting the floor and one german sounding squeal

"YES, MIKHAIL, YES!"

At this, all the mercs cheered, and Mikhail picked up the smaller doctor and lifted him high into the air, before kissing him rather fiercely.

"Well, that was beautiful," Dell said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah!" Alex agreed

"Oh, Alex, press the button on the watch I gave you.  This is meant to be pointed at the OTHER team, and this is not referring to you!"

"What, this on-"

As it was pressed, a gout of flame shot out of the watch, and formed the words "Fuck You" in literal fire

"DELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

"S'no problem little firefly"

It was Alex's turn to go bright red.