Chapter Text
jonny was, for a significant amount of time that he'd known him, not a very touchy person, according to thom.
or perhaps that was the wrong way to put it - perhaps a more accurate assessment would be that he wasn’t touchy in the way that thom was. despite the impression that he apparently gave off to the world outside of their circle - thom was in fact very affectionate, or at least just prone to expressing himself physically. a simple hand motion, a quick tap on the shoulder, an amicable slap on the back - all of that could communicate something that technically words could do as well - but in half the time required! and thom was not one to pass up on convenience.
he also figured that perhaps, perhaps that was the exact reason that caused jonny to prefer to avoid it himself.
there were lots of things that people assumed about jonny that were completely inaccurate - that he was some sort of dead serious and stoic lamppost (it was the complete opposite - jonny was one of the funniest people thom knew), but they were sort of right about one thing - he was shy. it was as if he was afraid of… spilling over. like a teapot - his thoughts and feelings about others had to come out in a trickling, slow and steady stream - not a descending cascade… unlike thom. with him, the options were between letting it all out at once, or just not saying anything at all.
which, you know, isn’t really fucking rational. because there are definitely ways to do something that laid somewhere inbetween those two options - but thom recognized that a lot of the human experience was indeed irrational.
however, jonny, who happily stayed subscribed to a science magazine and scoffed at any suggestion of the supernatural that thom would sometimes consider out loud (either jokingly or sort-of seriously…), perhaps understood that this was irrational indeed. perhaps that was why he had seemingly made the decision to keep his utmost personal feelings hidden behind a veil - a veil which he would lift every once in a while. so, since physical touch could communicate such feelings to a degree he wouldn’t want to - he chose to refrain from them.
well, at least he used to. but as time went on, that wasn’t entirely the case.
those little moments where jonny would work past his hesitation and reach out - to others, but especially to thom himself - those were moments that thom found he treasured (as embarrassing as that is to admit). like those flawless, ivory seashells you’d find in the sand of an otherwise unremarkable looking riverside.
perhaps the bastard knew. perhaps he knew how much they meant to thom, and kept them sparse on purpose - so that he wouldn’t grow tired of them.
or perhaps it was the other way around - they meant so much to jonny himself, that he only allowed himself those moments of mutual touch with someone else if it actually really mattered right then and there.
or perhaps both? perhaps perhaps perhaps. psychoanalyzing people in his head led thom to just conjure up a billion different images of someone which could either all be real, all be mirages or some odd mixture of both. schrödinger’s cat. but what other choice did he have? he cared about jonny too much to just shower him in a deluge of strange and inquisitive questions - and there was no doubt that jonny probably had odd questions about him in his mind as well. while thom could be too honest for his own good at times - he wasn’t fucking stupid. there were just some things that you don’t go and ask your friends about.
that wouldn’t stop him from wondering about it though.
because at first - when their friendship was relatively young, he didn’t understand it at all. in fact - jonny’s aversion had bothered him. colin was completely fine with thom’s hugs, shoulder taps, whatever, and would often return them. ed was more than okay with it and often initiated his own extravagant displays of brotherly affection. phil wasn’t enthusiastic but would play along without much trouble. but jonny?
he would, straight up, recoil at any unexpected contact. he wouldn’t actually say anything and would often smile and chuckle awkwardly, but the reaction was similar to one thom could imagine jonny having to something like… touching a hot stove, for example.
he’d almost been offended at first. this was during a stage in their relationship where they had moved past that awkward, “you’re my best friend’s little brother who’s also kind of a musical genius, so that makes this kind of odd” part. it was the part where normally, thom had judged those kinds of interactions appropriate. it was only when he noticed that he was that way with everyone, with the one exception of colin perhaps, when thom realised it wasn’t some sort of sign of a hidden distaste jonny had for him.
thom would’ve been lying to himself if he had claimed it didn’t bother him still, just a tiny bit.
that, however, would give way with time. because like a flower, jonny would slowly unfurl to their little family - to thom. while he still jumped a little whenever thom would give him a pat on the back or something similar, he wouldn’t recoil in that overtly startled manner as before. with an increasing frequency, he even seemed to have become sure enough of himself to initiate his own moments of contact. some of these moments stuck to thom’s mind, like glue. because, how could they not? especially when his brain had a tendency to cause him to feel an odd sense of pride whenever these moments arose - perhaps because he had a strange hope that he, somehow, had contributed to their culmination.