Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

JJ: "Truth is so rare, it is delightful to tell it." Emily Dickinson.  

Jennifer Jareau was a woman who was always by the rules. As a child, being the youngest, she learned to hide in the shadows and make her emotions known only when it was good timing. 

Now, as an adult, she thought she would have found it easier to analyze her coworkers emotions. But that wasn't the case. Since she was working with profilers that knew to hide their spoken and unspoken emotions, it always was difficult to tell. 

"JJ!" Penelope yelled and waved a hand in front of her face. The blonde woman snapped out her daydream at Penelope's booming voice. 

"Hi, yeah. Yeah, I totally agree," JJ said and shuffled through the magazine in her hand. The rest of the team all raised an eyebrow at the woman's daydreaming. JJ wasn't one to typically doze off during planning. 

"So you agree that Krystall should come riding in on horse back with a sparkling red dress and Cher hair?" Luke asked and furrowed his eyebrows. JJ's mouth hung open, she had been caught. 

"Fuck you guys. Fine, you caught me," JJ said and shrugged her shoulders. The rest of the team started to laugh as JJ tried to shake the daydream out of her head. "I'm sorry, I was just thinking back to see if I turned off my flat iron this morning."

"Well, I'm sure you did. Also, I for one, wouldn't do a red dress. I'd do a deep purple dress to bring out my lovely features," Penelope said and nodded her head over at the blonde woman. Tara and JJ both pursed their lips.

"For a wedding? Purple?" JJ said and shook her head. Tara nodded in agreement as she gestured towards JJ. 

"I get for decoration, but the dress? It's the one day you can go Cinderella. I wouldn't want to look like one of those mean step sisters," Tara said and shook her head. Matt ran his hands down his face, trying to hide his smile as Luke squinted his eyes at Tara. The raven-haired woman could practically feel the sarcasm coming from Luke and threw him the finger.

"Okay we're here!" Emily shouted as her, Spencer, and Rossi walked into the room. Emily and Rossi both placed down their bags and cup holders filled up with coffee on the table. 

"Oh, you are a life saver. I think JJ might need another one of those," Matt said and gestured towards the blonde woman. 

"Why? Are you okay?" Emily asked and placed a hand on JJ's shoulder. The blonde woman nodded up at Emily. 

"I just dozed off and they're giving me a hard time about it," JJ said and rolled her eyes. Emily raised an eyebrow at everyone at the table. All four agents, who were guilty, put their hands up in surrender. 

"Well, if you need it, take mine," Emily said and smiled softly as she sat down next to JJ. All eight agents happily started to dig into their breakfast burritos that Rossi gladly paid for. The team had offered to do some last minute details for the wedding which was now two weeks away. 

"This wedding stuff is stressful," Matt said and took a sip of his coffee. "I'm glad I just went to the courthouse with Kristy."

"That was the easy way out. Now you're paying for it by serving Kristy with whatever she wants until the day you die," Penelope said and chuckled. Luke widened his eyes as he nodded his head. 

"What about you, JJ? What was your wedding like?" Tara asked and gladly bit into her burrito. All eyes were on JJ as the blonde woman's eyebrows raised. She smiled shyly at the memories from her wedding. Meanwhile, the raven-haired woman next to her was forcing a smile. 

"It was a stressful time. The bank robberies had just happened and I was so overtly emotional. Emily actually saved Will from a bomb that was strapped around him," JJ said and smiled over at Emily. The raven-haired woman kept her eyes down as she held onto her coffee cup. "Him and I got married the following night since someone overheard our proposal."

"What can I say? I love a good party," Rossi said and chuckled. "We didn't have too much to drink. All of us had to band together the next afternoon to help Emily pack."

"Pack?" Luke asked and furrowed his eyebrows. 

"I left the following days after," Emily said simply and tried so hard to remain calm to her team. 

"Why did you leave?" Matt asked and tilted his head. Nobody here knew the truth about why Emily had left. Only one person off of the old team had known. 

"I still think it's a bad idea," Derek said and crossed his arms. Emily scoffed and grabbed onto the top box, carrying it with her to her office. "Emily."

"Derek," Emily said and rolled her eyes. The raven-haired woman set down the box and turned around to see him leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. "I'm leaving, end of discussion."

"I know. I also know that I can't change your mind even though I really want to. But seriously Emily, you're going to uproot your entire life to London because of a job opportunity?" Derek asked and tilted his head. Emily grabbed some books from her desk and placed them inside the box. "We all don't want to see you go."

"I need you to understand that I just can't be here anymore. This entire Goddamn city is driving me insane," Emily said and turned back around to Derek. The man noticed the gloss over Emily's eyes. She also rubbed her lips together and sighed deeply. Over the years, Morgan had known that to be Emily's tell. She noticed that look in Derek's eyes, he knew there was something more but didn't want to pressure her to say what it was. Emily ran a hand through her hair as she leaned back against her desk. "She—she married him. She chose him. I want her to be happy, really I do, but I can't sit here and pretend that it doesn't sting. Especially since I can't say anything now. We all don't get to blurt out our feelings."

"I'm sorry," Derek said softly. Emily clenched her jaw and threw another book into the box. Derek didn't even flinch at the loud smack it made when it hit the other books in there. 

"She chose him a long time ago, but there was always hope, you know? JJ and Will were together for five years before they decided to get married," Emily said and shook her head. The raven-haired woman felt the tears escape her eyes as she just stood there with this heavy weight on her shoulders. "I figure removing myself from the problem would be a lot easier than for me to sit there and just act like nothing is happening! I don't want to sit there feeling sorry for myself when in reality—"

"In reality what?" Derek asked as Emily had stopped herself from completing her sentence. The man tilted his head up slightly at Emily. 

"I'm still so in love with her, Derek. I have been for years, but it doesn't matter anymore," Emily said and tried to swallow her tears. The man didn't say anything as he walked up to Emily and wrapped his arms around her. Emily cried in his arms over the woman she loved marrying someone else.

"I'm sorry," Derek said and held onto Emily tightly so she wouldn't collapse to the floor. She shook as all of her sadness and tears were finally coming out. 

"It was for personal matters," Emily said and cleared her throat. She shuffled slightly in her seat before looking around at everyone. "I had gotten a job offer in London. They said they didn't need me until four weeks later, but I wanted to leave right away."

"To go see a London lover?" Penelope asked sarcastically and sat back in her seat. She sipped on her coffee to hide her smile. 

JJ raised an eyebrow as she looked at Emily. Well, Derek wasn't the only person to wonder what was the real reason Emily had left. Of course, Emily never told JJ the truth, but she had a hunch.

What happened between them was history that nobody, aside from Derek, knew about in the BAU. Emily wanted to tell the entire team and everyone she met about her history with JJ, but she knew the blonde woman wanted to keep it a secret. Because of that, Emily felt tossed aside like trash. It only made matter worse once JJ had married Will. 

"Something like that," Emily said and smiled forcefully at her team. All of their eyes, including JJ's, widened as they leaned forward to listen to more details. "It was a long time ago. I'm over it. It didn't mean anything to me anyway."

JJ looked down at her coffee cup in her hands as she pursed her lips. She had a strong feeling that was directed towards their history together. JJ's head was now swarming around with memories of what had happened between them.

Ring. Ring. Ring. 

Emily grabbed her phone and looked down at the phone number. The raven-haired woman excused herself before heading out the door. 

"So much for the peaceful two days. I actually liked doing the last minute decorations," Luke mumbled under his breath. The entire team was silent as they heard Emily's hums in agreement along with the occasional 'yes sir' to whoever she was on the phone with. 

"Oh don't look now," Tara said before taking a sip of her coffee. Emily walked back into the room and had a look of sorrow on her face. 

"Looks like we're heading to Los Angeles. There were two murders in the last two days with the exact same M.O. which have the authorities puzzled. The first homicide was yesterday following a hit and run in Eagle Rock. A man got out of his car after rear-ending a woman and then shooting her at close range. Police thought that was just a road rage incident until today when it happened again in Reseda. It was similar pattern and the same offender according to eye witness statements," Emily said and sighed heavily. "Los Angeles needs us. The jet is standing by."

It didn't take long for the team to make their way in the area and across the country to Los Angeles.  After a long day of chasing around various victims and call ins, the team had cornered the man behind the murders. It was a man named Casey Allen Pinkner. He had gone to jail for killing four people after taking on a game of truth or dare with a friend. Now, he was determined to kill everyone that was involved in his sentencing, including the man who dared him to drive into incoming traffic, which resulted in the deaths. One of them being the judge of the entire case. 

"I'm tracking judge Hamilton's phone, but it looks like she just pulled over on the street you guys are on," Penelope said and typed rapidly on her computer. The blonde woman watched as JJ's phone slowly approached the judge's. "She's on your left."

"There. JJ, turn around," Spencer said as he pointed towards the car. Casey locked eyes with the agents before shouting at the woman to drive the car. The judge didn't hesitate to put the car in drive and head down the street. Their plans were ruined when a trash truck had come out of the alley and blocked the road in front of them. Casey opened the door and turned back right when JJ and Spencer both pulled over and got out of the car. He fired three warning shots at both agents before grabbing the judge and dragging her into the nearest building. 

"FBI. Everyone get out of here," JJ said as she pointed her gun at Casey. The man held the manager of the pawn shop close to him. People scrambled out of the building as JJ and Spencer both had their guns drawn towards Casey.

"Drop your weapon," Casey shouted as he held the woman closer to him. 

"Not going to happen," JJ said and locked her jaw. The man shook with anger before looking over at the judge. 

"Take the gun. Take it or I'll kill your daughter," Casey shouted. The judge locked eyes with both of the agents before exhaling a sharp breath and grabbing the gun. She hesitantly pointed the gun towards them, her eyes were filled with sorrow. Her hands were shaking while her mind ran with thoughts of her death being due to the fact that she was pointing a gun at FBI agents. "Put them down, now! Now!"

JJ and Spencer both turned to each other and sighed. They both lowered their weapons down onto the ground in front of them while maintaining eye contact with Casey. 

"I did what you asked. Please just let my daughter go," the judge pleaded as she shook with fear. 

"We haven't finished our game yet, Melissa," Casey said and looked over at the judge. "Lock it down."

The manager of the store reached over the counter, shutting the steel gate behind JJ and Reid. Melissa was instructed to tape JJ's and Spencer's hands behind their back as swiftly as possible. The woman was shaking the entire time and apologized profusely under her breath. As soon as Melissa stood up, Casey tossed the manager off to the side before shooting her twice in the chest. Spencer and JJ both flinched as the woman cried out in pain. 

"New game. I need you to kill one of these agents," Casey said as he handed Melissa JJ's gun from the floor. The judge shook her head as her breathing increased. She kept mumbling 'no' and 'I can't do that' under her breath as she looked back and forth between the two pairs of pleading eyes. Melissa was trembling with fear as Casey pointed the gun at her. "Pick one! You don't have a problem choosing life or death for your job! Pick one of them, now!"

"Casey. Casey. If Melissa won't play, then I will," JJ said as she sat up on her knees. The blonde woman was hoping that her team was figuring out a way to bust into the building at any second. If not, she just bought a ticket for her own death. The blonde woman rose up to her feet as she locked eyes with Casey. "Truth or dare, right? I'll play. Let me take her place."

Casey locked his jaw as he walked up to JJ. He didn't hesitate to point the gun directly at JJ. The blonde woman swallowed hard as she tried to keep calm. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," JJ said and kept her eyes locked on Casey. The man was red in the face as he shook with anger. 

"I want you to say something that you're afraid to say. That you'd never tell anybody. And it better be good, because if not, it'll be the last thing you ever say and that he'll ever hear," Casey said and pointed over at Spencer. The brunette man's eyes landed on JJ as she was already thinking of anything to say. Her silence was only increasing his anger. Casey walked up to JJ and shoved her down onto the ground. "The deepest darkest secret that you have. Say it."

JJ's eyes started to water as she kept her eyes on the ground. She knew exactly what she was going to say, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. If she did, then it'd be real. And JJ promised herself that nobody would ever know.

"Say it!" Casey shouted as he pointed the gun at JJ. The blonde woman shut her eyes as she took a deep breath. "Say the thing you're most afraid of."

"Spence," JJ said softly as she smiled over at Reid forcefully. The blonde woman was shaking with nerves as she tried to work up the courage. She couldn't even look at him in the eye. That was mainly because JJ was envisioning Spencer to be someone else. "I—I've always loved you."

Spencer's face fell in disbelief as JJ finally looked up at him. The blonde woman was shaking in disbelief. "I was just—I was too scared to say it before. Things are too complicated between us, now. I'm so sorry. I love you, I have so much love for you. I just couldn't do that to Will and the boys. I had to tell you in case..in case I can't. You had a right to know."

Spencer eyebrows just furrowed in confusion as JJ cried. He didn't think of JJ as more than a friend for years now. This confession single-handedly created a rift in the two already. 

"Please. Please tell he—"

The back door opened up abruptly before a round of shots was fired. The judge, manager, and both agents shielded themselves as best as they could from the gun shots. Casey's lifeless body fell onto the floor as JJ and Spencer shut their eyes. The man bled out right in between them. 

"JJ? Reid?" Matt shouted as he entered the building. The raven-haired man walked up to them and kicked the gun away from Casey. 

"Take them off, please. Untie me, please," JJ pleaded as Tara ran into the building after Matt. The dark-skinned woman knelt to the floor and quickly untied JJ as she trembled. 

"I got you. I've got you," Tara said as she grabbed onto JJ. The blonde woman shut her eyes as tried so hard not to cry. That was a little too close to her liking. 

"There are other agents outside with your daughter," Rossi said as he knelt down to the judge. It didn't take long for the steel gates to be opened and medical personnel came rushing in to help. JJ didn't take her eyes off of the floor in front of her. 

"Let's get you checked out, okay?" Tara said as she brought JJ up to her feet. The two women headed outside as JJ sighed in relief. It felt like she could breath again now that she was out of the building. 

"JJ! Reid!" Emily shouted as she saw the two of them exit the building. JJ immediately left Tara's side and made her way towards Emily. The raven-haired woman ran and pulled JJ into a tight hug. Emily's eyes shut in relief as JJ buried her face into her neck.

"Emily," JJ said softly and wrapped her arms around Emily's waist. The two sat there for a moment in each other's embrace. It broke Emily's heart to feel JJ still shaking from what had happened. They were only able to see what was going on, not hear. 

"Thank God you're alright," Emily said and pulled away from the hug. JJ nearly didn't let go of Emily. It was nice to be in the raven-haired woman's embrace once again. Emily managed to wave down an EMT. "Please take care of them. They are very important to the bureau. Make sure everything is alright. I'm going to go check in with Matt, excuse me."

JJ and Spencer both watched as Emily walked off towards the rest of the team. Spencer's attention didn't last long on Emily however. JJ's heart was racing as she felt the man watching her. 

God, what did she just do.

Spencer: "Maybe it was a storybook beginning." Daniel Nayeri.

Chapter Text

Emily: "To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves." Federico Garcia Lorca. 

"I've always loved you."

Those words rang out through JJ's mind the entire time she was sitting at Rossi's wedding. The blonde woman tried her hardest to remain collected as she felt Will gently placed his hand on JJ's wrist. She looked over at him and smiled forcefully. Guilt ran through her body as she looked at her husband. 

"You okay?" Will asked softly as conversation happened in the background around them. JJ shrugged her shoulders slightly. It wasn't like she could particularly tell Will what was bothering her. 

"Yeah, I'm okay. Do you want anything to drink?" JJ asked and pulled her hand away from Will's.

"Yeah sure," Will said as he made a move to get up. JJ stopped him and smiled softly. 

"I'll get it," JJ said and nodded her head. She didn't stick around to hear the protest from Will. The blonde woman quickly made her way to the bar for a drink. She needed a few in order to get through this wedding.

Spencer, who was sneaking glances at JJ the entire night, walked up towards the bar where JJ was. His heart was beating out of his chest. The two were on edge with each other since the hostage situation that happened just two weeks ago. JJ had stupidly confessed her love for Spencer when Casey had a gun to his head. Needless to say, tensions were high between the two. 

"You okay?" Reid asked as he leaned against the counter. JJ glanced over at the man and nodded her head. She was about to walk away when he grabbed onto her arm gently. "Jennifer. You can't ignore me forever."

"I'm not ignoring you," JJ said and chuckled forcefully. She was. It was painfully obvious that she was. "I just— I haven't seen you until right now."

"You're sitting right across from my table, nice try. We still need to talk about this," Spencer said and tilted his head slightly. JJ's heartbeat started racing as she stood in front of him. He noticed that shift right away.

"Talk about what?" JJ asked and shrugged her shoulders. She prayed silently that his eidetic memory would vanish and he'd forget such events. Spencer's eyes scanned the wedding venue. Nobody was looking towards them. 

"Did you mean it?" Spencer asked before taking a sip of his water. JJ bit the inside of her cheek as her champagne glass became the most interesting thing in the world. 

"Yes I did," JJ said and swallowed hard. "But, Spence, it—it wasn't meant for you."

"What do you mean?" Spencer asked and furrowed her eyebrows. "If it wasn't meant for me then—"

"Hey. They're about to start cutting the cake. Did you guys want a slice?" Emily asked as she walked up to the two. She gently placed her hand on JJ's bicep. The blonde woman smiled shyly at the gesture, her eyes were now locked onto Emily.

"Yeah. Cake is great," JJ said, not fully processing the words before they slipped out of her mouth. Emily smiled back at her before her eyes landed on Spencer. 

"Yeah, a kind of large slice. Rossi said it's raspberry vanilla, my favorite," Spencer said and nodded his head as his eyes flicked back and forth between the two women. He noticed that look in JJ's eyes as she looked at Emily. His jaw hung open at the realization.

"Alright. I'll make sure to set them at both of your tables," Emily said and patted JJ's arm before walking away. JJ, subconsciously, looked over her shoulder as Emily walked away. She watched her leave towards the cake table with Tara and Luke. JJ just needed one last look at her for as long as she could. 

"Really?" Spencer asked and crossed his arms. 

"What?" JJ asked and took a sip of her champagne. She was hoping her staring at Emily wasn't totally obvious to whoever was looking at her.

"It was meant for Emily?" Spencer asked and gestured his head towards the raven-haired woman. Spencer watched as Emily grabbed onto the slices of cake and took tiny steps in her heels as she walked off. 

"I—What? That's—No that's fucking ridiculous," JJ said and chuckled. JJ rolled her shoulders back to appear more confident to make up for her failing words. "Emily is one of my best friends! She's—I mean she's my boss for crying out loud. It's wasn't meant for her."

"Oh, thanks Emily," Spencer said over JJ's shoulder. The blonde woman happily turned to see that Emily wasn't standing there. She was played by Spencer who wore a smile of amusement. 

"Not cool, Spence," JJ said and rolled her eyes. The brunette man took a sip of his water before clearing his throat. 

"So are you going to tell her?" Spencer asked and furrowed his eyebrows. JJ scoffed as she shook her head. "What? I believe that if you truly love someone then they have the right to know."

"Hmm, that's some belief. Too bad it doesn't exist where I'm from," JJ said and looked behind her at Will. The man was laughing loudly with Emily as she handed him a piece of cake. The blonde woman just turned her attention back to her champagne glass. "Not everyone can blurt out how they feel, Spence. Believe me, I wish the world worked like that."

"I still think you should tell her," Spencer said and smiled softly. "Maybe not this second, but eventually."

JJ heard laughing coming from behind her again. She could specifically hear Emily's silk like laugh. JJ mentally kicked herself for being able to recognize it so easily in the loud room. Subconsciously, she was looking for Emily wherever she went.

"I need some air," JJ said and grabbed her glass. Spencer couldn't even get a word in as JJ walked out the side door of the venue. Spencer looked around the room and he noticed one set of eyes locked with his. Emily raised an eyebrow as she saw JJ storm out of the venue. Spencer nodded his head as he made his way outside with JJ. The brunette man stepped out and immediately saw JJ sitting on the gazebo nearby. "Can we just pretend that I didn't say any of this? I feel like ignoring it will be a lot easier than actually confronting it."

"Yeah, but then you're going to suffer," Spencer said and stuffed his hands into his pockets. The blonde woman just buried her face into her hands. "If you never say how you feel, you'll never be truly happy."

"But I am!" JJ said and shut her eyes. The blonde woman smiled forcefully as she felt Spencer sit down next to her. "I have a husband and two incredible boys. I love my family."

"But you also love her," Spencer said and pursed his lips. "I'm sorry. There's no true way to go about this other than stating the obvious. JJ, if you were perfectly happy with your life, you wouldn't have this big conflict right now."

JJ sighed heavily and shook her head. Spencer couldn't even think of any words to say as he looked at JJ. The blonde woman placed her chin on her shoulder as she smiled at him. Spencer furrowed his eyebrows slightly, JJ instantly recognized that look. 

"Yes?" JJ asked and chuckled. 

"When did you uh, realize that you were—whatever you identify as?" Spencer asked and tilted his head slightly. JJ smiled shyly as she looked up at the night sky. She took a deep breath and started to laugh. 

"Well, I have you know, I've supressed these feelings for a long time," JJ said and looked over at Spencer. 

"Come on Rosyln!" Michael, their father, shouted. The Jareau family was outside in the hot April weather as Rosyln played in a high school soccer game. She was a star player and loved by the community due to her many college scholarships that were thrown her way. 

Rosyln waved over at her family as she was in line for her warmups. JJ smiled widely at her big sister. JJ had always hoped that one day she would be on the same level as her sister when it came to soccer. 

"Get out of here," a woman said in the distance. JJ had heard the woman loud and clear and turned to see who she was talking to. She noticed two girls standing up in the bleachers not too far away from the woman. JJ tilted her head as more shouting abrupted at the two girls. JJ's eyes scanned down and noticed that the two girls were holding hands. 

"Mom, what's going on over there?" JJ asked and tugged at her mom's sleeve. The older woman looked over at the commotion that was happening. She noticed right away what was happening and pulled JJ to stand between her and Michael. 

"Pay no attention to them, JJ. We're here to see your sister," Sandy said and placed her hand on JJ's shoulder. The young girl furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to look over at the girls once again. 

"But what did they do? People are yelling at them," JJ said and tried to break away from Sandy. The older woman only grabbed onto JJ's arm and held her in place. 

"Jennifer Jareau, eyes forward. Your sister needs your attention," Sandy said sternly. JJ noticed that look in her mother's eye. The young girl decided not to test her mother any more. She couldn't help but to look over at the bleachers to see if the girls were still there. All she saw was the two of them being shouted at as they left. 

Knock. Knock. Knock. 

"Come in!" Roslyn shouted. JJ opened the door and stood there with a small smile. "Are you going to stand there or come in?"

"I have a question," JJ said, shutting the door behind her. Roslyn immediately sat up and moved aside her homework. She situated herself onto the bed as JJ sat on the end. 

"Okay? Shoot," Roslyn said and sat back. The younger Jareau played with her fingers and tried to work up the courage of asking. 

"Why did those girls get yelled at?" JJ asked and furrowed her eyebrows. Roslyn immediately knew which girls her sister was referring to. It was hard to ignore the shouting even from the field. JJ knew that look Roslyn had on her face, she knew. 

"JJ, I don't think we should be having this—"

"But it's not fair!" JJ said loudly. "Why was that lady yelling at them? They weren't doing anything. Or at least it didn't look like it."

Roslyn smiled softly before sitting up and tilting her head. The oldest sister debated for a quick second on telling JJ the truth.

"JJ, we don't live in the most accepting town. We are very traditional with our views," Roslyn said and smiled forcefully. "Those two girls were not in a traditional relationship."

"Meaning?" JJ asked and tilted her head. 

"They were together. They're dating," Roslyn said and chuckled softly at her sister's confusion. Granted, Roslyn didn't even know about any type of homosexuality until she got to high school. Sandy and Michael were always careful to not have that 'lifestyle' around either girl. "But just leave it alone, JJ. I don't want mom getting mad because you're asking questions."

"Why would I get in trouble?" JJ asked and kept her eyes down on her hands. It was a nervous tick that the young girl had adapted. Now it was force of habit. 

"Mom and dad are very by the book. Just promise me that you'll only talk to me about it," Roslyn said and held up her pinky. The younger Jareau was hesitant but locked her pinky with Rosyln regardless. 

"I nearly forgot about it completely and then I got to high school. I was trying to be the best on the soccer team, but there was one person in my way, Nadia Miller. She was the star of the soccer team. She hated me because she knew the potential I had. Of course, I wasn't nearly as good as Rosyln," JJ said and chuckled slightly. The blonde woman kept her eyes down at her hands. Decades later, the nervous tick never left. "But, at the time, I was the biggest threat to her. So her and I became frenemies."

"Frenemies?" Spencer asked and furrowed his eyebrows. "What does that mean?"

"We acted like friends to each other, but deep down we hated each other," JJ said and swallowed hard. Her head was hurting from all the memories that were flooding back. JJ stood up and paced back and forth in front of Spencer. The man just watched, not wanting to question or push JJ over the edge.

However, JJ was scaring him as she kept her jaw locked, eyes forward, and shoulders back. Since her father was ex-military, it was a force of habit to stand tall in times of doubting. 

"JJ?" Spencer asked and stood up carefully. JJ didn't say anything as she pressed her knuckles to her mouth. She was starting to breath heavily. All of these memories were too painful.

"You know what? I—I don't want to talk about this right now. It's Rossi's wedding. The last thing anyone wants to hear is a sad sob story," JJ said and sighed deeply. The blonde woman turned towards Spencer and kept her hands in front of her. 

"I'm sorry," Spencer said and smiled softly. "I don't know if anyone has told you that before, but I wanted you to hear it. You didn't deserve whatever happened to you if it was that painful to even think about."

"I—I tried for years to supress that feeling. To trick my mind into thinking all of this was just a dream. I tried so hard to convince myself," JJ said and chuckled bitterly. She didn't notice she was crying until she felt a tear fall onto her arm. "I'm a forty year old woman for crying out loud. Even throughout my adulthood, I tried, Spence. I tried."

"It's okay," Spencer said and reached his hand out. The brunette man grabbed onto her as she collapsed in front of him. She was shaking from having to dig those memories out. 

"I'm tired of having to suppress these painful memories," JJ said and gripped onto Spencer's jacket. He let her cry there for as long as she needed. It didn't take long for the stronger side of JJ to pull away. The blonde woman stood back on her own feet and gently wiped the tears away from her eyes. Spencer watched as JJ took a few deep breath in before looking almost back to normal. "Can I trust that you'll keep this a secret? Sadly, you're kinda the only person to know about what happened when I was younger."

"Kinda?" Spencer asked and tilted his head. "Who else would know?"

"Well, I uh, I may have let it slip one night with E—"

"JJ. There you are," Will said as he walked out the door. Spencer and JJ both looked over at him with worried expressions. They didn't know how long he'd been there. "Everyone is on the dance floor looking for the two of you. Penelope especially wants you to dance, Spencer."

"I'll make sure to go and find her," Spencer said and chuckled. Will finally got a little closer to the two of them and noticed the red gloss in JJ's eyes. She had been crying. 

"What's going on?" Will asked and looked over at Spencer. The brunette mad immediately backed up in fear that Will would think she was crying because of him. 

"I'm fine," JJ said and smiled at Will. Her mouth may have been smiling, but her eyes certainly were not. 

"Spencer? Give us a few seconds?" Will asked over his shoulders. The brunette man didn't hesitate to leave the couple, his presence would only raise more skepticism from Will. "What's going on in there?"

"Nothi—"

"Jennifer," Will said and gently grabbed a hold of JJ's hand. The man sighed softly as he looked at his wife. "Talk to me."

"I just—I'm having intense emotions from the hostage situation," JJ said and swallowed hard. Will took a sharp inhale and nodded his head. "I'm sorry. It just comes like a wave, it's clearly unpredictable."

"Why don't you take a few more days off? A week even? I can sit in with you and we can talk about this," Will said and gently placed his finger under JJ's chin. JJ shut her eyes at the gesture. She was picturing a certain raven-haired woman doing that same movement. "The last thing I want is for you to feel alone in this."

"No. We had an agreement. If I'm home, you go to work," JJ said and shook her head. The blonde woman grabbed onto his hand and intertwined their fingers together. "I'll take a day."

"You need to see someone about this, JJ. I don't think just a day will be enough," Will said and tilted his head slightly. JJ sighed and nodded her head. Will smiled softly before leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on JJ's forehead. He wrapped his arms around her protectively as he pulled her into a hug. "Whatever is running through your mind, it's going to be okay. You, Jennifer Jareau, are one of the strongest people I know. You always have the best judgment, and I'll be right by your side all the way. I love you."

"I love you too," JJ said and pressed a gentle kiss into his shoulder. The two stayed there for a couple of seconds before pulling away. Will proudly grabbed onto JJ's hand and led them both back inside. 

JJ walked into a loud wedding with laughter, music, and most importantly, Penelope cheering as Matt and Luke danced on the dance floor together. Will chuckled as he looked over at the party that was happening. "Come on. Let's go show them how it's done."

After a few tipsy dances with everyone, JJ's racing mind finally calmed down. She was finally having fun with part of her brain shut off. It wasn't until the DJ slowed down the music that reality came and hit her like a truck. 

Will happily spun JJ around as they danced to some slow dance music in the background. Everyone happened to have a partner as the music played out. JJ was finally about to start relaxing when she felt a tap on her shoulder. 

"Can I have this dance?" a voice asked behind JJ and Will. The blonde woman turned around and saw Emily standing there. JJ, jaw dropped as Will gave her away to Emily. The raven-haired woman pulled JJ in by the waist and chuckled. "You looked surprised. Am I a ghost or something?"

"No, I just—hi," JJ said and laughed. Emily smiled widely as she and JJ rocked side to side. The blonde woman was having no problem relaxing into Emily's touch. 

"You okay?" Emily asked softly as she leaned her head against JJ's. That question made JJ's calm, relaxed feeling instantly go away.

"Yeah. I'm fine," JJ said and smiled forcefully over Emily's shoulder. The raven-haired woman bit the corner of her lip. It was a nervous tick Emily had when she was trying to decide what words to say. 

"Don't lie to me," Emily said quietly. JJ heard it loud and clear. This conversation was making her heart race. "I saw you run out of here like you were either going to have a panic attack or vomit on the rose bushes outside. Please spare me the fine facade and tell me the truth."

"I need to take a day off. It's just to clear my head," JJ said and pulled back to look at Emily. The raven-haired woman was so painfully close to her. 

"Take a week," Emily said and smiled softly at JJ. The blonde woman furrowed her eyebrows. 

"Did Will put you up to that?" JJ asked and looked around the crowd for her husband. Emily's hand slipped down further onto JJ's hip. The blonde woman's attention went straight back to Emily at the gesture. 

"It was my choice. You and Spencer need time to digest what happened. Actually make it two weeks. I'll talk to the director about it myself," Emily said and nodded her head. JJ couldn't help herself and flicked her eyes down to Emily's lips. It was just for a second that she debated tossing her marriage away and just kiss Emily. The raven-haired woman noticed the stare and ducked her head down to meet JJ's line of sight. "JJ, I mean it. Take your time off. I'll come and visit you at the end of both weeks and see if you're ready to come back."

"But Emily—"

"Please. For Will? For the boys?" Emily asked softly. JJ debated for a quick second to still fight Emily on the subject. The raven-haired woman noticed this hesitation. "For me?"

JJ swallowed hard and nodded her head as Emily pulled away from her. The two women smiled softly at each other when they recognized that they were the only ones still out on the dance floor. Some of the team were taking shots at the bar while others watched them wince at the alcohol. 

"Come on, Prentiss! Let's get you drunk since you Ubered here!" Tara shouted over at Emily. The raven-haired woman sighed softly as she looked at JJ. 

"You look gorgeous, by the way," Emily said and smiled shyly at JJ. She didn't say anything else as she walked over to Tara. JJ watched Emily as she walked away, she was hypnotized by her. Spencer was across the room and noticed the look of want and need on his best friend's face. 

This was going to be interesting.

Will: "Betrayal is the only truth that sticks." Arthur Miller.

Chapter Text

Tara: "Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart." Haruki Murakami. 

Emily stepped out of the elevator with her bag clutched tightly in her hand. The raven-haired woman looked around at the hallways filled with different agents. 

"You must be Agent Emily Prentiss," a blonde woman said as she walked down the hall. Emily turned to face the voice and her jaw dropped when she saw the gorgeous woman standing there. "Hi, I'm Jennifer Jareau, communications liaison."

"Hi, I'm Emily," Emily said and smiled as she stuck out her hand. The blonde woman chuckled as she nodded her head. "Of course, you already knew that."

"No, I get it. First day gutters are a killer," JJ said and smiled softly at Emily. "Come on, let me show you around. All the team is not in yet. They all usually get here later."

"So why are you here so early then?" Emily asked and followed after JJ as they walked towards the bullpen. "Aren't you a part of the team too?"

"A little knowledge you'll need is that I'm always here earlier. I clean up and practically manage this team," JJ said and laughed. Emily liked the sound of her laughter. In that moment, she decided it was up to her to hear it everyday. Emily looked over her shoulder and saw a few agents practically running to get to their desks. She almost thought the poor agents would pass out by how heavily they were breathing. "Luckily for you, we don't have a new case today. I also freed up my afternoon so we could have lunch in my office for questions."

"So I can't ask one right now?" Emily asked and raised an eyebrow. JJ squinted her eyes and tilted her head slightly. "Is it always this chaotic?"

"Welcome to the team, Agent Prentiss," JJ said and smiled widely at Emily. The raven-haired woman nodded her head and smiled back at her.

"You're going to burn those eggs," Will said as he came down the stairs. Hearing his voice made JJ snap out of her daydream. The blonde woman grabbed the spatula and flipped the browned eggs. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry," JJ said and turned around as Will walked up to her. The man placed his hand on JJ's cheek, his thumb stroking over the woman's delicate features. 

"Well, I'm glad you're taking two weeks. The boys missed your breakfast buffet," Will said and leaned forward, planting a gentle kiss on JJ's cheek. 

"You're going to work, right?" JJ asked as she turned around and plated the semi-burnt eggs onto a plate. All she needed was to set everything out and grab the boys' their drinks.

"Yes. I'll be back before you know it, I promise. I might even bring home some food if the boys tire you out too much today," Will said and smiled softly. He reached over JJ's shoulder and grabbed a piece of bacon the woman had made not too long ago. "We'll just have to see how the day goes."

"Okay," JJ said and smiled shyly at her husband. Will happily poured himself a to-go cup of coffee. Both of them heard four little legs racing down the stairs. 

"Mom!" Henry shouted as he ran up to JJ. The blonde woman dropped her spatula before catching the flying boy. He held onto JJ tightly as his mother kissed his head sweetly. "You're home. You're home."

"I told you that I would be, silly," JJ said and chuckled. She set Henry down and picked up Michael. The younger boy happily wrapped his arms around JJ's neck. He didn't say anything, he just wanted to feel JJ's warmth against his rather cold cheeks. "Who's hungry, huh? Because I know I am!"

JJ lifted Michael up in the air and planted a big kiss on either one of his cheeks. The boy giggled as his mom placed him on floor. The entire family gathered around the small table and grabbed enough food to overfill their plates. 

"Mom?" Henry asked as he cut into his pancake. The blonde woman hummed in response as she took a sip of her coffee. "Can we have chocolate chip cookies today? You haven't made some in a while. Plus, you're going to be home."

"Mmm, you drive a tough case there. Is your room clean?" JJ asked and took a bite of her bacon. 

"It will be after breakfast!" Henry said and smiled forcefully at his mother. JJ squinted her eyes before looking over at Will. The man simply shrugged his shoulders. 

"Okay fine, since you asked so nicely," JJ said and smiled softly at her sons. Henry thanked his mom profusely and couldn't wipe the smile off of his face. Michael just wiggled in his chair, equally excited that his mother was going to bake. 

After cleaning all of their plates, the Jareau-LaMontagne household got up and started to clean up the kitchen. JJ smiled widely when she felt Will come up behind her. The man gently kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around JJ. Will gently placed his hand on JJ's chin and tilted her head to the side. 

"Bye honey. I'll be home early since it's only half a shift," Will said and leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on JJ's lips. She smiled shyly against his lips as they pulled away. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," JJ said and swallowed hard as she pulled back from Will. 

"I love you three!" Henry shouted before taking a large gulp of his chocolate milk. 

"I love you four!" Michael yelled and followed after Henry. Both parents chuckled before Will was out the door. 

"Alright you two, go upstairs and clean your rooms up while I make some cookies," JJ said and gestured towards the stairwell. 

"And ice cream?" Michael asked and smiled softly at JJ. The blonde woman placed her hands on her hips and tilted her head. 

"Only if you come give me a super big hug and kiss," JJ said and crouched down to be at her youngest son's height. Michael and Henry didn't hesitate to run up into their mother's arms. JJ laughed loudly as she was tackled and peppered with kisses. "Come on. Go clean up."

Henry and Michael both happily ran their way up the stairs to their rooms. JJ sat down on the step by the entrance and sighed softly. 

"Hey, you okay?" Emily asked and walked into JJ's office. The blonde woman's eyes widened as she realized who was standing in front of her. "Sorry, I was just checking if you were staying late."

"Yeah. I just uh, you know get lost in my own mind I guess," JJ said and smiled. Emily nodded and stuffed her hands in her pockets. That's when JJ noticed Emily didn't have her bags or anything with her. "Why are you staying late? It's barely your first week. You should take all the time you have to relax. Trust me, your future self will thank you for it."

"Actually, I just didn't want to leave you alone. You know, since you take care of this team. But I feel like you forget that you are also part of the team," Emily said and smiled softly at JJ. "So this is me taking care of you. What would you like for dinner?"

JJ didn't even notice the shy smile that was on her face. "I would love a sandwich from a small local place down the road. Maybe some tea or coffee since it's late."

"Is it open right now?" Emily asked and looked down at her watch. "It's only eleven thirty-ish. The night is still young."

"Only if I buy," JJ said and pointed a finger at Emily. The raven-haired woman clicked her tongue as she shook her head in protest. 

"Absolutely not. I asked you," Emily said and raised an eyebrow at JJ. The blonde woman sighed and tilted her head. 

"Come on. It's going to be your first time there and I want to be a good host," JJ said and stood up. The blonde woman made her way over to Emily and gently placed her hand on her arm. The raven-haired woman looked down as JJ squeezed her arm. Her heart skipped a beat as she locked eyes with the blonde woman. "Say yes."

"Yes," Emily said and shook her head. She held up a finger and pointed it at JJ. "But I get next time."

"Fine. They have this chocolate chip cookie dessert that is to die for," JJ said and smiled widely. Emily chuckled at JJ's excitement. 

JJ sighed heavily as she stood up and tried to keep her mind occupied. The last thing she needed was more memories flooding in of her and Emily. The blonde woman happily grabbed out all the essential ingredients for the perfect cookies. 

Ten minutes later, JJ placed all of the little spheres onto the cookie sheet. She was proud of herself. She made the dough and had minimal dishes to wash. 

Knock. Knock. Knock. 

"Coming!" JJ shouted and shut the oven door. The blonde woman jogged her way to the door and opened it without another thought. Her eyes widened as she saw who was standing there. Emily stood there with a small smile on her face.

"Hey," Emily said softly and interlocked her fingers in front of her. JJ simply gripped onto the door tighter in fear she'd topple over. 

"Hi," JJ said as a small smile formed on her face. "What, uh, what are you doing here?"

"I needed to check in on you. I nearly sent Anderson, but I wanted to see you myself. Anderson is scared of both of us so he'll start to sweat more than usual," Emily said and laughed. JJ nodded her head in agreement before pursing her lips. "I just couldn't wait until the end of this week to check on you. I'm sorry."

"Well, would you like to come in?" JJ asked and stepped aside from the door. Emily didn't hesitate to come in. Meanwhile, JJ was trying so hard to remain calm on the outside. Inside, however, she was panicking. Her hands and knees were practically shaking from nervousness. JJ was so afraid to let go of the door in fear she might fall over and embarrass herself in front of Emily. 

"I just wanted to see—"

"Auntie Emmy!" Henry shouted as he practically flew down the stairs. In a matter of seconds the two boys were tackling Emily to the couch. The raven-haired woman immediately forgot that she was their mother's boss.

Emily was Michael's godmother. After JJ had found out she was pregnant a second time, she immediately asked the raven-haired woman. Emily was the first in line as godmother since Penelope had already taken Henry. Of course, Emily enthusiastically said yes. 

"Oh God, you two monkeys seem to get bigger and bigger each time I see you!" Emily said and kissed both of the boy's heads. JJ smiled widely at the sight in front of her. 

"What are you doing here?" Henry asked and planted himself right at Emily's side. Emily glanced over at his mother who tensed up at his question. JJ was a mother first and that meant keeping secrets to protect her boys and their anxiety from time to time. Both boys had no idea of their mother's hostage situation. 

"I came to see you two and your mom, silly. I had a free afternoon," Emily said and shrugged her shoulders. "I needed to see my favorite munchkins and munchkin creator."

JJ chuckled and ran a hand down her face at Emily's witty joke. The blonde woman sat down on the complete opposite end of the couch and just watched the boys curl into Emily. A part of her was jealous that her sons could do that without a second thought. 

"Mom is making cookies," Michael said as he looked down, playing with Emily's semi-long black hair. Emily raised her eyebrows and looked over at JJ. 

"You've been off for how long and you're turning into Betty Crocker?" Emily asked and chuckled as JJ rolled her eyes. 

"I'm making your favorite and I was about to offer some, but now you're being an A-S-S-H-O-L-E," JJ said and shook her head. Emily smiled widely over at JJ before reaching her hand over and gently tracing it over JJ's shoulder. The blonde woman nearly jumped at the contact. Emily furrowed her eyebrows as she noticed JJ's jumpy nature. "Okay, come on boys. Mom needs your help getting the ice cream and plates."

"On it!" Michael and Henry both yelled and practically jumped off of Emily. The raven-haired woman stood up and smiled softly at JJ. The blonde woman mirrored her before moving to take a step around Emily. 

"Okay, we're talking about that," Emily said and gently grabbed onto JJ's arm. The blonde woman chuckled nervously as she tried to pull her arm away from Emily. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about," JJ said and successfully got out of Emily's hold. Granted, Emily wasn't holding on too tight and secretly let JJ go. JJ didn't even look at Emily as she spoke to her. 

"Look at me in the eye, JJ," Emily said and ducked her head down. JJ clenched her jaw tightly and looked over at Emily. The raven-haired woman's eyes softened as she saw that JJ's eyes were red and glossy. "I need to make sure you're okay, JJ. I can't do that if you don't open up to me. Not even as your boss, but as your friend."

Right, friend. 

"There has been something," JJ said softly and wiped the bottom of her nose with the back of her hand. Emily raised an eyebrow as her eyes flicked over to Michael and Henry. Both boys didn't even realize that their mother was crying. 

"Okay? What is it?" Emily asked and got a bit closer to JJ. She didn't want JJ speaking so loud just in case Michael or Henry decided to tune in. The blonde woman locked eyes with Emily and smiled forcefully. 

"It's uh, I'm just," JJ said and tried her hardest to swallow her tears. The last thing she needed was to cry in front of Emily and her boys. "I'm struggling with sleeping. I just—a lot of memories are starting to replay in my head—"

"From the hostage situation?" Emily whispered and gently placed her hand on JJ's back. The blonde woman tensed and tried so hard to control herself to not kiss Emily right now. JJ couldn't help it and her eyes flickered down to Emily's lips. 

JJ wasn't talking about the hostage situation at all. Memories of her and Emily had been replaying in her head since the wedding when she finally spoke her mind to Spencer. Every single thing that has ever happened between the two of them now lived in the forefront of JJ's mind. Scarily enough, the last thing on JJ's mind was the fact that she could have died in that room. 

"Mom! Michael can't find the ice cream!" Henry shouted causing both women to swiftly pull away from each other. JJ ran a hand through her hair as she tried to calm herself down. The two nodded their heads before making their way to the kitchen.

Henry, being a very analytical preteen, noticed the interaction between the two of them. In his mind, Emily and his mother had always been close. Arguably as close as his parents. However, Henry was like JJ when she was a child, he never spoke about it.

JJ walked in and immediately found the ice cream on the top of the freezer. Henry smiled innocently at his mother as he sat down at the counter with Emily and his brother. 

"So, I was thinking that Auntie Penelope and I can take the boys whenever you need it. We know you and Will need a break and we are more than happy to take them. Especially, since you're taking two weeks off," Emily said and smiled softly. Henry and Michael, both with their eyes wide, looked over at JJ and immediately started to plead with their mother. Both boys loved spending time with Emily and Penelope, mainly because their parents weren't there to monitor the sugar they ate. "Penelope and I could take them to the movies, out to eat, maybe even a little shopping."

"Of course," JJ said and ruffled Michael's hair. The blonde woman's heart couldn't help but swell when Emily wrapped both her arms around the boys. 

After three hours, a lot of chocolate chip cookies, and vanilla ice cream later, all of them were stuffed. Emily was kind enough to get up and help JJ out with the clean up process. The two worked side by side as Michael and Henry talked about some superhero comic behind them. Emily would peek over at JJ from time to time, subtly letting her know they had to talk.

"Boys. Can you give me and Auntie Emmy some room to talk down here?" JJ said over to Michael and Henry. The two were about to protest, but JJ raised an eyebrow to prevent them from even getting a word in. "Now, please. She will still be here for a little while longer. Twenty minutes top."

"Fine," Henry mumbled as him and Michael got up and treaded up the stairs. Emily smiled softly as the two boys disappeared into one room and shut the door. As soon as that happened, JJ immediately stepped back and created a physical distance between her and Emily. 

"Talk to me please," Emily said softly. "I'm worried. You know better than anyone that me not having control of something is driving me insane."

"I can tell," JJ said and chuckled. The blonde woman leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms. "I'm just—trying to deal with what happened."

"You know that you can tell me anything, right?" Emily asked and tossed the towel onto the counter. The raven-haired woman took a step towards JJ. The blonde woman's heart was beating out of her chest. Emily finally stood right in front of JJ and grabbed onto her hand. Emily's eyes were so soft as she looked at her. It was almost like Emily was trying to fix JJ with one simple look. 

"I know," JJ said and nodded her head as Emily took another step. "But not about this."

"JJ, I'm your boss. Whatever is going on, I have to know about it. Your sanity means more to me than anything else," Emily said and furrowed her eyebrows. "I need to make sure you're okay."

"I just—feel terrible about this," JJ said softly as Emily tilted her head. The raven-haired woman was so painfully close she could practically smell the chocolate from the cookies on her breath. JJ took a deep breath and leaned in slightly. Emily finally registered what she thought was about to happen and looked down at JJ's lips. The raven-haired woman bit the corner of her lip while tossing the consequences around in her head. 

Before anything else could happen, the sound of keys hitting the front door was heard. JJ placed a hand on Emily's abdomen. The two stopped whatever was going to happen and pulled away from each other once again. 

"I'm home!" Will shouted as he hung up his jacket. The man turned and saw the two women in the kitchen and smiled softly. "Oh, hello Emily. JJ didn't say that you were coming over."

"I just came by for an observation on her," Emily said, making Will chuckle. The man walked over to the counter and grabbed one of the cookies that JJ had baked. "I've got to make sure she's alright before going back to work. Regular boss things. I just got worried since it's the first week."

"Don't worry, I'll happily let you know if she decides to go rogue and starts making gingerbread in February," Will said jokingly and leaned over, planting a gentle kiss on JJ's cheek. The blonde woman furrowed her eyebrows. 

"Are the two of you working against me to get me to stay home?" JJ asked and flicked her eyes back and forth between her two lovers. Will and Emily looked at each other and just pursed their lips. "Oh my God, you totally are."

"We're worried, okay? Besides, it's like old time working on cases. A lot of memories have started to come back to me," Emily said and smiled forcefully at JJ. The blonde woman immediately knew what Emily had meant.

"Well, I'll report back if anything changes," Will said and leaned over, giving the raven-haired woman a side hug in appreciation. JJ's heart was pumping out of her chest as she watched that interaction. 

"Boys! Auntie Emmy is leaving!" JJ yelled to slow her pumping heart rate. Immediately the door opened and the two boys came flying down the stairs. Both of them tackled Emily into a hug. Emily bursted into laughter as she kissed both boys on the cheek goodbye. 

"Take care of your mom for me, alright?" Emily said and smiled over at both boys. Henry and Michael nodded their heads before making their way over to their father.

JJ made her way to the door with Emily. Both didn't have the guts to talk about a near kiss that they shared. Emily specifically thought what JJ and her had was over years ago. Now, old feelings were starting to appear. 

"I'll keep my distance with the home check ins. I need you to come by my office when you get back. We have a lot to discuss," Emily said and grabbed onto JJ's arm. The blonde woman looked down at her hand and smiled shyly. 

"I—Yeah, of course," JJ said and pulled her arm away. She was trying so hard to create a barrier between her feelings and Emily. "Bye, Emily."

"Bye, JJ," Emily said as smiled at JJ. The blonde woman watched Emily as she walked away and towards her car. 

Her mind was racing with what if's and if only's as she looked at Emily.

Luke: "You see, the what ifs are as boundless as the stars." Sally Gardner.

Chapter Text

Matt: "The truth is rarely pure and never simple." Oscar Wilde.  

"So I've been thinking," JJ said as Spencer handed her a coffee. The blonde woman smiled as she thanked him quietly. "I don't have to tell Emily, right?" 

"Will it make you feel better if you don't?" Spencer asked as he slipped on his sunglasses. The two of them were having a evening getaway coffee meeting. JJ had been feeling a bit overwhelmed with the whole 'still being in love with Emily' thing. So, she turned to the only person who could hear her out. 

"I don't know. Maybe?" JJ said and sat back in her chair with her arms crossed. "You heard her at the round table before we left. She said it didn't mean anything to her."

"That was directed at you?" Spencer asked and furrowed his eyebrows. He wasn't paying too much attention to the subtle detail that day. He was starving and had food and coffee right in front of him. Meanwhile, JJ had analyzed every single detail from that discussion. 

"I'm ninety percent sure," JJ said and grabbed her coffee. "So at this point, why bother to tell her?"

"Because it'll eat you alive if you don't," Spencer said and shrugged his shoulders. JJ looked over at him with her jaw dropped slightly. "What? I'm just telling the truth! I know you, JJ, this is going to haunt you until you tell her. Actually, it'll haunt you until you're open up with the team entirely. You don't like keeping things to yourself."

Ring. Ring. Ring. 

Spencer grabbed his phone before answer it. "Hello?"

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to come grab dinner with the rest of the team? It's a beautiful day and we figured some vitamin D was necessary for all of us. Emily is letting us off an hour earlier," Matt said and smiled softly over the phone. Spencer looked over at JJ who was on her phone, reading a text from Tara. "We're going to the usual Mexican place that Emily likes."

"Yeah, um, JJ and I will meet you guys there," Spencer said and nodded his head over at JJ. "Bye."

"Well, this isn't what I necessarily needed right now. Emily is going to be there," JJ said and sighed heavily. 

"Who knows? Maybe it'll be great," Spencer said and chuckled. JJ rolled her eyes as she stood up and grabbed her coffee. Spencer got up quickly and followed after her. 

Needless to say, JJ didn't think it was going well. After waiting for a table for nearly an hour, she got placed in the worse possible seating arrangement. Emily was on her left side and Spencer was on her right with Penelope right in front of her. JJ could practically feel eyes on her every move. 

"Hi, my name is Nina and I'll be taking your orders today," the waitress said as she pulled out her small notebook. "What can I get you all for drinks?" 

After making her round through the entire table, she finally landed on Emily. The waitress couldn't help but eye Emily up and down quickly. It was obvious to everyone at that table that she had a different look in her eye when it came to Emily.

"I'll get these right out," Nina said and gently squeezed Emily's shoulder. JJ couldn't help but clench her jaw tighter at the gesture. The second the waitress walked away, Tara and Penelope smiled widely at Emily. The raven-haired woman furrowed her eyebrows as they both leaned forward. 

"What?" Emily asked and looked around at the entire table who was wearing smug grins. Well, all except JJ. It's hard to be happy the waitress is flirting with the very woman she's having serious feelings for. 

"Oh come on! Our waitress was totally hitting on you! Did you not see the heart eyes?" Penelope asked and reached her hand across the table and grabbed onto Emily's. "My sweet, sweet, sweet, clueless Emily."

"She wasn't hitting on me," Emily said and chuckled nervously. JJ simply grabbed onto a chip from the basket and bit into it to calm herself down. 

Just be assertive, JJ. Tell them the truth. 

"Oh really? Out of the three queer women here she was bound to pick someone and that someone was you," Tara said and wiggled her eyebrows. 

Tell them the truth.

"Four," JJ said simply before biting into another chip. The entire table fell silent as all eyes were now on JJ. 

"What?" Luke asked and furrowed his eyebrows. 

"Tara said there were three queer women. There's actually four," JJ said and gestured to herself. All of their jaws hung open at this casual coming out. "I'm surprised you guys didn't know. I don't want anyone thinking it's not a big deal or that it's just a thing of the past. I figured you all should know the truth."

Emily leaned back in her chair and anxiously tapped her foot. That was painfully directed at her for her comment when they were at the round table.

"Congratulazioni!" Rossi said and smiled over at JJ at the end of the table. The entire team followed and congratulated JJ one by one. 

Well, as painful as it was to say, Spencer was right. Telling the team did alleviate some of the weight on her shoulders. 

"So, how did you find out?" Penelope asked as she leaned forward. Nina had come back and started to hand out each person's drink. "And don't hold back on the details."

As soon as Emily's drink was placed in front of her, she was practically chugging it to avoid this conversation and any hints to her team. JJ noticed this movement out of the corner of her eyes and smiled forcefully. Now, it was Emily's turn to be quiet with this topic.

"Uh, you know some things just happen. This old fling reoccurred in my memories and I remembered that I've never expressed this portion of my life with anyone," JJ said and nodded her head. "Marrying a man doesn't disintegrate your sexuality."

"When did you and this flame occur and why wasn't I aware?" Penelope said, placing a hand over her heart. "Who's this mystery woman? And how long ago was it?"

"You don't know her—"

"Have you forgotten who you're talking to?" Luke asked and gestured to Penelope. 

"Queen of all internet," Matt said and tilted his head. 

"Ruler of the hacker world," Luke said and glanced over at Penelope. 

"The oracle of all knowledge," Tara said and sipped her drink. 

"The once biggest threat to the FBI," Spencer said and smiled softly over at Penelope. 

"Penelope Ga—"

"I get it," JJ said and shut her eyes. All of them raised their eyebrows at JJ's sudden burst. "It was just a friend from a while back that I would like to keep anonymous."

All of them raised their hands in surrender before turning their attention to Nina. The waitress had come back around for their food orders.

The rest of the dinner was going smoothly. Honestly, JJ already felt lighter on her feet. She hadn't been graceful with dodging questions, but she was out now. 

Emily, on the other hand, was spinning with questions. Why after over a decade of silence did JJ decide to speak up to the team? Why did JJ have to dig up these painful memories of her once again? Did JJ tell anyone of what happened in the past?

The rest of the dinner came and went. It went nearly without another awkward tension, but that was quickly gone when Emily had a napkin placed down in front of her. Nina had written down her number and proudly gave it to the raven-haired woman. JJ saw it and was both stunned and jealous in one microsecond.

Emily was the first one up after their check was generously paid by Rossi. The raven-haired woman said her quick goodbyes to everyone, well all except one. JJ embraced Emily in a hug as the two said goodbye to one another. 

It had felt like they were transported back in time from just a hug. Emily felt a gush of peace and anxiety as she hugged the blonde woman. As a result, she pulled away abruptly. JJ furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at Emily. 

"Are you okay?" JJ asked and tilted her head. Emily looked lost for words. There was so much she wanted to say and didn't want to say now that JJ was standing right here in front of her. 

"Yeah. I'm good," Emily lied and forced a smile. JJ, deep down, knew that wasn't the case. She could read Emily like a book sometimes, but most of the time she was a locked diary. "Bye guys."

"Bye, Emily!" all of them collectively said as they all parted ways. Emily stuffed her hands into her pockets when she felt the napkin from earlier. JJ had unfortunately looked back at Emily in that moment to see her pull it out. JJ's heart felt heavy once again as she forced herself to look away. 

But, Emily crumpled the napkin and stuffed it back into her pocket. The last thing she needed right now was woman drama. 

The drive for Emily was quick since she wasn't too far from her apartment. The raven-haired woman shrugged off her purse and threw her keys down on the table. Emily kicked off her shoes and made her way over to her couch. 

The raven-haired woman sighed in relief at the familiar comfort the couch had to offer. Emily shut her eyes as she tried to relax into her cushion.

"I feel like TV makes kissing a woman feel out of body," JJ said and shook her head as she and Emily munched on some Chinese takeout that they had gotten. Both decided to watch a random movie that was about to start. The odds were against them considering that it was a cheesy coming of age lesbian movie. 

"Oh, it absolutely is," Emily said and pointed her chopsticks at JJ. The blonde woman raised her eyebrows as she looked over at Emily. "What? You really think I haven't done that before?"

"We never got to talking about what exactly—"

"What I am?" Emily asked as a smile crept up on her face. The blonde woman was so nervous to even speak that she just nodded her head. "I'm a lesbian, JJ."

"Oh," JJ said and slowly set down her takeout box between her legs. As ridiculous as it sounded, JJ hadn't realized that people all around her could very well be queer in some way. 

"You sound disappointed," Emily said and tilted her head. 

"Oh! No, no, no. That's not what I meant at all. I just didn't realize," JJ said and chuckled nervously. "Would it be stupid of me to say that I had no idea?" 

"It's alright," Emily said and chuckled lightheartedly. She noticed JJ's nervousness and grabbed the remote, pausing the movie that they were watching. Emily set down her takeout box and turned towards JJ fully. "You've never kissed a woman before, have you?"

"No, I have," JJ said and locked her eyes down at the food in front of her. Emily's interest was already high, but now she was over the moon. "It wasn't a good experience."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Emily asked and tilted her head. "You don't have to, but it'd be good to let something off of your chest."

"I was in highschool," JJ said and kept her eyes on her food. She was mindlessly stirring the noddles with her chopsticks to ease her nerves. "I drunkenly kissed my rival soccer teammate, Nadia Miller."

"Oh," Emily said softly and shifted closer to JJ. The blonde woman just shrugged her shoulders as she was slightly aggressively stirring the noddles. 

"I was so drunk, I didn't even realize that her friends were taking pictures. The next morning, our picture was plastered everywhere. She made up this story that I forced myself onto her and kissed her to 'turn her gay.' It was ridiculous, but when you're in a conservative town, in a conservative family, with conservative views, they'll believe just about anything that they hear," JJ said and chuckled bitterly. By now, the blonde woman's fingertips were a pale white by how hard she was gripping the chopsticks. Emily reached over and grabbed onto JJ's hand. The second that they touched, JJ looked over at Emily. The raven-haired woman's heart broke at the glossy blue eyes that stared back at her. So much hurt was behind those eyes, it nearly broke both of them. 

"Let it out. You know I'll never judge you for what happened," Emily said and slowly grabbed the takeout box and chopsticks from JJ. The blonde woman had enough trust in Emily that she let go. 

"I went home and my room was trashed. My bookshelf was toppled over. My bed was stripped of its sheets. There was trash everywhere," JJ said and chuckled sadly as tears collected in her eyes. "And one single suitcase was waiting by the door."

Emily gulped and held tighter onto JJ's hand. The blonde woman finally felt the tears run down her cheeks as she started to cry. 

"They threw me out," JJ said and shut her eyes. 

"Get out and never come back!" JJ's father yelled before shutting the front door on JJ's face. She couldn't help but start to cry her eyes out. 

"Mom! Dad! I'm sorry! Please! Please!" JJ yelled as she banged on the door. Her hand was a bright pink as she didn't give up pounding on the door. She yelled and cried at the top of her lungs for her parents to let her back in. 

"I was sixteen when that happened," JJ said and finally opened her eyes once again. Emily gently ran her hand down her arm. 

"I'm so sorry, JJ," Emily said softly. JJ wiped her tears away and sighed heavily. 

"I slept out there on the porch. Roslyn was long gone by that point. I had no one left, so I had to stay," JJ said and gently ran her thumb over Emily's palm. The two never let go as JJ told her story. "They let me back in after the third night. I was shunned in the house. I'm willing to bet that I didn't talk to my parents for five months while we lived together."

"I'm sorry that you went through that," Emily said and shook her head. JJ leaned her chin onto her shoulder as she looked at Emily. "You didn't deserve that. Nobody deserves that."

JJ nodded her head as she started to mindlessly trace patterns on Emily's palm. The raven-haired woman smiled shyly at the movement. 

"It's okay. I've put everything behind me. It's just still painful to talk about," JJ said and shrugged her shoulders. Emily shuffled close to JJ, both of their legs were finally touching after a large amount of distance was between them. 

"I'm sorry that she ruined that experience for you," Emily said softly. The raven-haired woman pulled her hand away and brushed a piece of JJ's hair back. The blonde woman locked eyes with Emily as her hand stayed on the side of JJ's neck. God, the way Emily was locking at her was driving JJ crazy. It had been for a while. "But, JJ, I hope you know that because of that one bad experience, it doesn't mean that you have to suppress these feelings."

"Feelings?" JJ asked and raised her eyebrows. She did have to admit, Emily was gorgeous and this all felt like a fever dream. In JJ's mind, Emily was the inspiration for the most beautiful pieces of art work. Emily deserved to have people drop at her feet and take in her beauty. JJ had come to know every curve of Emily's body that was obtainable from a distance. Well, nearly every curve. She wanted to know everything about Emily and see what very few people had the pleasure of seeing.

"Do you want to try it?" Emily asked and looked down at her free hand to avoid JJ's eyes. The blonde woman got up and knelt right next to Emily on the bed. "It was just a suggestion. You don't have to if you don't want to."

JJ looked down at Emily's lips. She wasn't this scared sixteen year old anymore. Now, JJ was a thirty year old woman with a lot of curiosity and to do it with someone she trusted. Someone she was very much attracted to.

"How do I do it?" JJ asked softly as her hand came up and gently caressed Emily's cheek. "I want to do it right."

The raven-haired woman was shaking with nerves. JJ was so eager and nervous to find out how it was truly like to kiss a woman. Emily, on the other hand, was trying to remain calm and to control herself before that kiss went further. 

"I—I really want to kiss you," Emily said softly as she snaked a hand up JJ's back. "If you get uncomfortable, please let me know and we can stop."

JJ nodded her head as she leaned in slightly. "Are you okay with this? I completely forgot to ask. The last thing I want to do is make you feel obligated to kiss me—"

"Yes. I'm perfectly fine," Emily said and smiled softly at JJ. The two women sat in silence for a second, letting the other have some time in case they wanted to back out. "Come here."

Emily threw caution into the wind and leaned forward, kissing JJ softly. The blonde woman's head was immediately spinning as she sat with Emily's lips pressed against hers. JJ's stomach was twisting as she kissed Emily. The raven-haired woman felt her heart drop to her stomach as she carefully put her hands on JJ's waist. Both women's lips started to move together, slightly trying to over power the other. 

JJ's hands carefully grabbed at Emily's arms to pull her in further. For wanting more of each other, both were still scared to go too fast. Emily's hands came up and pushed JJ's hair back and smiled slightly against her lips. Once the blonde woman felt her smile, she started to relax more.

JJ finally worked up the courage to pull away and straddle Emily's lap. She and Emily met once again in a frantic kiss as they couldn't get enough of the other. The raven-haired woman felt JJ's hand play with Emily's shirt, debating or not to take it off. 

"JJ," Emily said pulled away. The blonde woman was about to lean in again until she registered that Emily had pulled back. 

"Yes?" JJ asked as she bit her lip. Emily's eyes were dark with lust as she looked at JJ. 

"I don't want to move too fast," Emily said and ran her hands up and down JJ's thighs. The blonde woman cupped Emily's face and leaned forward, brushing her lips against Emily's. "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable with taking it further."

"I trust you. I trust you, Emily," JJ said softly as she kissed the very corner of Emily's mouth. The raven-haired woman melted at those words. JJ tilted her head and placed a gentle kiss on Emily's jawline. She heard Emily sighed softly as she made her way down her neck. "I need you. Show me, please."

JJ grabbed onto Emily's hands and placed both of them on her hips. The raven-haired woman caved and leaned forward, kissing JJ once again. Emily's hands moved down and slipped into JJ's back pockets of her pants. JJ grinded her hips down and buried her hands into Emily's hair. The raven-haired woman flipped them around and started to kiss down JJ's neck. 

"Emily," JJ moaned out softly. The blonde woman was practically twisting her body side to side to get out of her clothes. "God, Emily."

Ring. Ring. Ring. 

Emily shot up from her couch and grabbed her phone. She was already annoyed with whoever was on the other line for pulling her out of that memory. "Prentiss."

"Oh, someone's in a mood," Penelope said and chuckled. Emily leaned forward and ran a hand down her face. 

"I'm sorry, I just woke up from a really good dream," Emily said and tapped her foot anxiously. "So what's going on?"

"Have you talked to JJ?" Penelope asked and placed her phone down on the counter on speaker. She grabbed the wine that she had bought on her way home and poured herself a glass. "I'm starting to get a little worried. We both know how JJ is. She likes to slip into the background until a rather dangerous situation comes up and suddenly she's in the forefront. I worry about her, and Will, and the cutest little boys on the planet because if they're mo—"

"Penelope. Penelope, slow down," Emily said and held a hand out. She heard Penelope take a deep breath in and out before there was silence on the other end of the line. "I'll talk to her, okay? Or better yet, I'll talk to Will. He knows JJ as much as we do."

"Okay, just please don't keep me in the dark about these things. I want to make sure my little blonde badass is alright," Penelope said and nodded her head as she swished her wine around in the glass.

"Don't worry. I will," Emily said and smiled softly as if Penelope could see her. "It's late. I'm going to hit the shower and then go to bed. Goodnight, Penelope."

"Goodnight, my beautiful boss best friend," Penelope said and kissed the speaker on the phone. Emily chuckled as she said one last small goodbye before hanging up the phone.

Penelope furrowed her eyebrows together after she hung up the phone. It was barely seven in the evening and Emily was already talking about going to bed.

Penelope now had two agents to worry about.

Penelope: "I was quiet, but I was not blind." Jane Austen.

Chapter Text

Rossi: "Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk." Stephanie Meyer.

"So, what did you need to talk to me about?" Will asked and smiled nervously at JJ. He was here on his bi-weekly Washington DC visit to see JJ. It had been six weeks since the two of them started dating. Needless to say, after being broken up with already once before, Will was a little nervous. 

"I'm pregnant," JJ said softly. Will's jaw dropped and his eyes widened. The man was frozen in place as he looked at JJ, who was laughing at his reaction. 

"Are you serious?" Will asked and started to laugh with joy. The man got up from his seat and slid into the booth next to JJ. Will leaned over and kissed JJ passionately. The blonde woman smiled widely against his lips. 

"I found out yesterday. I just wanted to wait until you were here in person with me," JJ said and chuckled as her eyes filled with tears of joy. Will happily wrapped his arm around JJ and pressed his nose right against her forehead. "What's going on? I thought you'd be running up and down sixteenth street."

"I'm happy, JJ. I just—I'm a bit hesitant. Are you sure that you want to do this?" Will asked and locked eyes with JJ. The blonde woman furrowed her eyebrows and looked up at him. "I don't want to be left behind by you again, Jennifer."

JJ sighed softly as she ran her hand up and down his chest. Both of them sat in an uncomfortable silence as JJ collected her thoughts. She reached over and grabbed onto his hand. 

"I love you. I'm all in with you, this baby, and whatever else comes our way," JJ said and smiled softly. "I'm sorry about what happened in the past with that brief breakup, but I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Can we have a word?" Will asked and ran his thumb over JJ's hand. The blonde woman furrowed her eyebrows. 

"A word?" JJ asked and had a look of confusion on her face. Will smiled and nodded his head. 

"If it gets too much and you want to reevaluate everything. If you're not sure you want to continue this," Will said and swallowed hard at even the thought of JJ leaving. "What about mint chip?"

"No, you're going to get it confused with my ice cream order," JJ said and chuckled. "How about—"

"Gray," Will said and looked over at JJ. "It's the color of my jacket and your boots."

"Gray. I like it," JJ said and smiled softly. Will leaned over and kissed JJ sweetly on the cheek. "Now how about some mint chip?"

Ring. Ring. Ring. 

JJ groaned at the sound of her cellphone ringing. She sat up and reached over to grab it when she realized it wasn't her phone. 

8:19 am. 

JJ dismissed the time until she realized it was Monday and she had to get up for work. The blonde woman shot up out of bed and grabbed a random set of clothes in her closet. JJ grabbed onto her shoes and ran out of her bedroom door. 

Will just so happened to be walking in at that exact moment. Both of their bodies collided before dropping to the floor in pain. 

"JJ, what the hell are you doing?" Will asked as he sat up with a grunt. He'd be in a world of soreness tomorrow. 

"I'm late. The team is going to crucify me—"

"JJ. JJ!" Will shouted and grabbed onto JJ's hand. The blonde woman's mind and mouth came to an immediate halt as he called for her. "I called Emily and told her you need another day."

"You did what?" JJ asked and furrowed her eyebrows. Will stood up and grabbed onto JJ's arms, bring her to her feet. 

"I called Emily. You need another day," Will said and held up his hand before JJ could get a word in. "Because you're not ready just yet. The boys are off to school already and I took half the day off. I'm all yours for the next three hours."

JJ ran her hands down her face and inhaled sharply. She couldn't be upset with her husband, he only had the best interest at heart.

"How about some coffee and some of those famous eggs," Will said and gently placed his hand on JJ's waist. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. JJ didn't say anything as she nodded her head. Will smiled widely before pulling away from JJ and heading towards the kitchen. 

The blonde woman stood there for a moment. She was trying to wrap her head around the fact that she would be alone for the rest of the day after Will left for work. This ultimately gave JJ no choice but to listen to her own thoughts. 

One thing about JJ is that she never liked to be alone when over analyzing a situation. She liked to keep busy by cleaning, working, going to the gym, even baking to give her something to focus on. There wasn't anything else to do around the house. The groceries had been bought, the house had been deeply cleaned, and the boys were off to school. 

JJ walked into the kitchen and sat down as Will placed a cup of coffee right in front of her. She thanked him as she settled herself in a chair by the counter. 

"What did Emily say?" JJ asked and looked down at her coffee like it was the most interesting thing in the world at this moment. 

"You know Emily is just protective of you. She was very understanding and concerned. It's been a while since you've been to work," Will said and nodded his head. He tried to ignore the subtle tension in the air since he had called Emily without JJ knowing. The blonde woman was just trying to resolve her thoughts for the two most important people in her life. "I reassured her that you'd be back by tomorrow. Besides, Tuesdays are better than Mondays."

"You have a point there," JJ said and chuckled. She placed her chin in her hand as she watched Will cook his infamous fluffy scrambled eggs. "I could watch you cook all day."

"Is that because you just get to enjoy the food without the work?" Will asked jokingly, making JJ roll her eyes. "I'll spend the rest of my life cooking for you if that's what you want."

"That's what you signed up for, isn't it?" JJ asked sarcastically as she pulled out her phone. 

Emily: Call me when you get the chance. We need to talk.

JJ's heart immediately started racing as she read that text over and over again. Her mind started to think back to every interaction she had with Emily that could have possibly caused this message to be sent. She didn't verbally say anything. JJ had been sober when she was around Emily so she ruled out that possibility. 

"Can you do me a favor while I'm gone?" Will asked and flipped the eggs in the pan. JJ immediately set down her phone and smiled softly at her husband. 

"Of course," JJ said and leaned forward. Will looked up at her and smiled. 

"Talk to Emily about being with her," Will said and grabbed a plate from the cabinet. JJ furrowed her eyebrows. "I think it's for the best."

"What?" JJ asked and started to panic. If Will knew about the thoughts JJ was having about Emily, he'd be devastated. 

"I said, talk to Emily about seeing Hara. You know, the therapist at the BAU," Will said and quickly served JJ some of the eggs he had just made. The blonde woman's heart rate settled. For a moment there, she thought Will knew about her confession. 

"I will ask her," JJ said and nodded her head as Will placed the plate in front of JJ. "Babe?"

"Yes?" Will asked as he grabbed a fork for both JJ and himself. 

"Can we have a marathon like we used to?" JJ asked and shrugged her shoulders. "The boys aren't home so we don't have to be stuck watching superhero movies."

Will walked up to the blonde woman and wrapped his arms around her waist. The two of them were merely an inch apart as they looked at each other. 

"Where do you think they got their love for superhero movies from?" Will asked and chuckled. JJ shook her head as Will buried his face into her neck. The blonde woman's eyes shut as she melted into the familiar touch and scent of her husband. "I love you."

"I love you too," JJ said and pressed a kiss onto the man's shoulder. JJ had hoped that this moment of relief and love was enough to make her brain shut off from the confession. But, alas, it wasn't enough. Emily invaded every single thought JJ was having. She felt so guilty even being in the arms of the man she loved, who was also her husband.

"Come on," Will said as his hands fell to the back of JJ's thighs and picked up the woman effortlessly. JJ shrieked as they both fell onto the couch. 

Knock. Knock. Knock. 

"Come in!" Emily shouted as she signed off the bottom of the paper. She looked up and was met with five agents all with party decorations in their hands, except Rossi. "What's all this?"

"We're planning a party for boy wonder and JJ. We've all just missed them so much around here that we wanted them to feel like nothing changed," Penelope said and shook the fabrics in her hands. Emily's eyebrows raised as she looked at the assortment of pink, purple, and even gold decorations. "We would also like a bubbly approved."

"Apple cider only. I take it that this was your idea," Emily said and chuckled at Penelope. The blonde woman was smiling happily. 

"You think we came in here with this pinky unicorn glittery scheme willingly?" Luke asked and furrowed his eyebrows. Matt and Tara both laughed at the fear in the man's eyes when he looked over at Penelope. She was giving him her best dagger eyes. "Just pick a color please before I become the decorations."

"Gold. It goes with JJ's hair," Emily said and nodded her head. That comment alone made all of the agents squint their eyes at Emily. "And it goes with Reid's eyes. Gold is just a better color, okay?"

"Got it. Team, let's roll out!" Penelope said and wiggled her finger in the air before the agents all left. Well, all except one. 

"Rossi, I really don't need to hear another lecture about me getting out of the box of hell," Emily said and rubbed her right temple. The older man raised his hands in surrender before sitting down across from Emily. 

"Well too bad," Rossi said and crossed his legs. "You're holding something back. Your eyebrow is doing that crinkle thing."

Emily immediately placed a hand against her forehead and felt the tiny ridges on her skin. She set down her pen and sat back in her chair. 

"I'm just worried," Emily said started to play with her finger nails. "I don't know if it's too soon."

"For JJ and Reid to come back?" Rossi asked and tilted his head slightly. Emily's eyes were glossy now as she was trying so hard not to think about the situation they were in. "You're blaming yourself for that, aren't you?"

"Of course I am. I told them to go find Casey. And if JJ is so traumatized to even come back, who knows what the hell happened. They could have die—"

"But they didn't," Rossi said and leaned forward. "The truth is, we're all on the line with this job. It's up to JJ and Reid if they want to come back after going through that. All you can do is respect their decision and offer them your support as their boss and friend."

Ring. Ring. Ring. 

"Starting now," Rossi said and patted Emily's forearm. The raven-haired woman nodded her head and sighed. 

"Prentiss," Emily said and placed the phone between her shoulder and ear. Her eyes never left the paper in front of her. She swiftly wrote down some notes on the report to distract herself. 

"Hey," JJ said softly. Emily immediately pulled her pen back when she recognized the blonde woman's voice. "Do you have a minute? I got your text."

"Of course," Emily said and set down her pen. Her eyes glanced outside of her window to the agents that were all gathered around Luke's desk. "What's going on? Are you okay? Will was worrying me with his request."

"I'm fine. I just have a favor to ask," JJ said and watched as Will got into his car. He was called in early on an emergency at the department. 

"Anything," Emily said and bit the corner of her lip. 

What Emily didn't know was the group of agents that were looking at her through her window. Penelope raised an eyebrow as she heard Emily's laughter ring out. The raven-haired woman was smiling so widely, it hurt everyone else's cheeks from just staring at her. 

"Well, whoever that is has a grip on Prentiss," Luke said and chuckled. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement as they analyzed Emily. 

"Has she mentioned dating? I can't remember the last time Emily went on a date. Let alone talk to anyone outside of the bureau," Tara asked over at Penelope. The blonde woman shook her head as she held a hand up. 

"I may be Emily's best friend, but she would never tell about dating. It's like pulling teeth with her. She knows I'm not a good secret keeper," Penelope said and sighed heavily. Luke let out a small sarcastic gasp. 

"You're not a good secret keeper? Well, I never would have known that," Luke said jokingly. Matt and Tara both chuckled as Penelope's jaw hung open and a finger was pointed directly at Luke. 

"You know what, newbie, you suck," Penelope said and was about to go at Luke when Tara held her back. "Good luck trying to get into your phone today after you get off work."

"I am so scared," Luke said and cupped his face with both of his hands. "You really aren't all rainbows and sunshine."

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Emily said and smiled into the speaker of the phone. JJ said a small goodbye before they both hung up the phone. The raven-haired woman had the feeling of someone watching her, so she turned her head towards the window to see. All four agents that sat outside quickly whipped their heads to another direction and acting like they were doing something important. Emily laughed softly at the four of them, they were never good at hiding things from her. 

Meanwhile, JJ smiled down at the phone in front of her. Every now and then, a small wave of guilt would wash over her body. She shouldn't be so excited to have a phone call with her boss once her husband is out of the house. But it was happening, and JJ felt terrible about it.

JJ sat back and sighed as she looked in front of her. She was about to zone out completely when a particular photo had caught her eye. It was from her wedding. Every single guest who attended was in that photo.

Immediately, JJ's eyes landed on the raven-haired woman in the picture. 

Clink. Clink. Clink. 

Rossi stood up and looked around at the sight of all of his team members and family of both Will and JJ. He smiled widely over at the two newly weds. 

"They say good thing happens to good people. This is one of those times, and these are two of those people. I wish you nothing but happiness to the bottom of my heart for this newly wedded couple. May they see new adventures and continuous love for the rest of their days," Rossi said and raised his glass. Everyone followed after him with smiles on their faces. Well, all except one person. Emily forced a smile to Penelope as they all toasted to each other who was in arms reach. "And to Emily, though we hate to see you go, we wish you nothing but the best."

JJ furrowed her eyebrows as everyone looked over at Emily. It was clear from her stunned reaction, she didn't know Rossi had overheard her conversation with Derek in the living room about leaving. 

Everyone smiled forcefully as they toasted once again. JJ couldn't take her eyes off of Emily. They all dispersed into their own conversation. Emily was finally brave enough to look up at the blonde woman who was practically begging her to talk to her with her eyes. JJ tilted her head slightly to the side and got up from the table. 

"Here we go," Emily mumbled and grabbed her glass of champagne. The glass was empty in a second. Spencer, who was sitting next to her, handed Emily his glass as well. She needed it more than he did. She finishes that glass just as quickly and with that she got up and made her way inside the house with JJ. 

"What do you mean you're leaving?" JJ asked and crossed her arms the second Emily shut the door behind them. The blonde woman was still in her wedding dress as the party continued on without them. 

"I got a job offer. You were there when I took the call," Emily said and furrowed her eyebrows. "Clyde wants me to take over at the London and he won't settle for anyone else. It's a great job opportunity for me, JJ."

"I didn't think you were going to take it. You love the BAU and everyone here," JJ said softly. "They're putting you in the news, Em. You're a hero for saving Will and the entire train station. That can definitely launch your reputation further for you to move up here at the bu—"

"This isn't about my reputation," Emily said, raising her voice slightly. JJ was taken back by the slight snap the raven-haired woman had made. Emily was never one to yell at anyone, especially JJ.

"Then what is it about that makes you think moving away is a such good idea?" JJ asked and crossed her arms. Emily looked over at her, her eyes raked over JJ's white dress and still perfect makeup. 

"You don't get it. Why don't you go back outside to your husband?" Emily said harshly. She was about to walk into the kitchen when JJ grabbed her arm. 

"Where are you going?" JJ asked and tilted her head to the side. It might have been the alcohol, or the fact that JJ had just married someone else, but Emily grew a little more confident in this moment. 

"To get a drink. Do I have to ask permission for that too, ma'am?" Emily asked sarcastically and pulled her arm away from JJ. The blonde woman stood there for a second, contemplating whether or not she'd continue this conversation with Emily. 

Meanwhile, Emily's mind had made it clear. If JJ turned around and said something, anything, then she'd stay. But, JJ just walked out of the house without another word. She had walked out of Emily's life and back to her perfect life, perfect husband, and perfect kid. 

Emily refrained from tossing the glass against the wall and screaming in agony. She wanted to shake JJ awake and yell at her to fight for Emily since those feelings were real once upon a time. Emily just slammed her hand down onto the counter and ran her hands through her hair. She should have never come to this wedding.

JJ made her choice. And Emily made hers.

The second JJ stepped out of the house, an arm immediately grabbed her. She was about to flinch away when she noticed Penelope standing there. "Jesus, Penelope. You scared me."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to spy in. Did you do it?" Penelope asked as hopefulness poured into her eyes. "Did you tell Emily not to go?"

"I don't think I'm the best person to have that conversation with Emily. Besides, her mind is made up and we both know how stubborn she is when she's set on something," JJ said and pulled her arm back from Penelope. The younger woman furrowed her eyebrows as she watched JJ walk away from her. Normally, JJ would be yelling and pleading Emily to stay. Penelope was stuck wondering why the two of them seemed to be worlds apart. 

The newly wedded woman made her way back to the table and right beside her husband. The two smiled warmly at the other before Will continued his conversation with Anderson. 

JJ couldn't help but turn her head when movement was seen in the corner of her eye. Penelope and Emily were standing there talking when suddenly both turned to JJ. The raven-haired woman quickly turned her head when she saw JJ staring. The blonde woman swore she saw Emily on the bridge of tears. But as of right now, Emily didn't even want to look at JJ. 

JJ got up from her seat and ran a hand down her face. Her head was swarming with memories from when Emily was so hurt and she was just too blind to see it. JJ sunk to the floor and hugged her legs as tightly as she could. Emily was all she could think about, it was physically hurting JJ at this point.

"God, you're an idiot," JJ whispered to herself.

JJ: "When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you." Friedrich Nietzsche.

Chapter Text

Emily: "We are made of all those who have built and broken us." Atticus Poetry. 

Knock. Knock. Knock. 

Emily glanced up at the doorway to see JJ standing there with a small smile on her face. The raven-haired woman immediately stopped her notes and got out of her seat. 

"JJ," Emily said excitedly. The two women embraced in a tight hug. Emily had missed having JJ around the BAU for these past couple of weeks. And while JJ missed work and the rest of her team members, she missed Emily the most. JJ was trying not to freak out when she felt Emily's mouth so close to her ear. "I'm so glad you're back."

The slight whispered tone nearly made JJ weak to her knees as she pulled away abruptly. Emily raised an eyebrow as she did and just placed her hands by her sides. 

"It's good to be back," JJ said and smiled shyly at her boss. Emily nodded her head in agreement before snapping out of the best friend manner and into her boss mode. 

"Have a seat. You and I have a lot to talk about," Emily said and gestured to the chair across her desk. JJ was nervous as Emily sat down in her chair. The raven-haired woman looked so powerful with her shoulders back and hands locked in front of her. Emily was a natural when it came to positions of power. "How have you been?" 

"Anxious to get back to work. You know me, Em. I can never stay away too long," JJ said and swallowed harshly to keep her cool. "I hope there's no problem with my return. I brought the donuts just like we talked about yesterday."

"No, it's not a problem. It's just a concern. The directors felt as though, you're rushing into your work. The BAU doesn't have the best representation of taking care of ourselves after a traumatic event happens," Emily said and shrugged her shoulders. She was guilty of that as well, as much as she didn't want to admit it. "And they want you and Spencer both to be an example for the rest of us."

"They're sending me to therapy? As in, I'm ordered to go to therapy," JJ asked and furrowed her eyebrows. "That's never been a requirement before. It was only for Unit Chiefs to make sure they weren't putting the entire team at risk."

"I know. Things have changed. They put me in charge of documenting your's and Spencer's behavior during the cases. I asked Matt to look after Spencer when we're at the hotels," Emily said and sighed softly. Her hand came up and smoothed out her bangs. It was a newly developing habit she did when she felt nervous. "I'm sorry, JJ. It was either this one hour three month method, or you both wouldn't be allowed to work for a month straight and attend your sessions for three hours per day. And, frankly, I'm still worried about the both of you."

Emily couldn't help it and leaned forward, reaching her hand out for JJ. She knew the blonde woman never liked to be forced to do anything. However, Emily would rather have JJ's well-being be a priority than be dismissed. 

"I'm fine, Emily. Why wouldn't you believe that?" JJ asked and furrowed her eyebrows as she leaned forward. She couldn't help but just stare at Emily's hand. It was so tempting. 

"You had a gun to your head and you're telling me that didn't faze you?" Emily said and ducked her head down to get JJ's attention. "Something is obviously wrong, JJ. If you can't tell me right now, I'd rather you see somebody for it."

JJ finally looked up at Emily. The two women didn't move a muscle as they waited for the other to speak. To the agents outside, they were pretty sure neither women blinked while maintaining eye contact. 

JJ felt herself lean forward to get to Emily. The raven-haired woman just looked irresistible at this moment. The blonde woman stood up from her seat and headed towards the door. 

"Please make sure it's Doctor Hara then. Will suggested her," JJ said over her shoulder. She heard Emily stand up, but for some reason couldn't bring herself to open the door. "Come on, I think I saw some cider out there along with a lot of happy faces."

Emily gently placed her hand on JJ's shoulder, making the blonde woman jump slightly. Emily noticed this right away. JJ had been a lot more jumpy when she was around her now. Subconsciously, Emily was blaming herself for being too hard on JJ and possibly making the blonde woman uncomfortable. 

Emily was the one to open the door and shuffle her and JJ out of her office. The entire team cheered in celebration as the blonde woman stepped down the stairs. 

"We missed you!" Tara shouted as she embraced JJ in a hug. Penelope did the job of popping the top off the apple cider and pouring everyone some in their glass. Meanwhile, the rest of the agents gave their round of hugs to the blonde woman, including Spencer. 

"You okay? You got the news?" Spencer asked quietly. JJ sighed and nodded her head. "Well, I'm trying to remain positive about it. After all, it does go over Emily's head. This wasn't her idea."

"Still doesn't make me feel better about it. She going to be watching us like hawks," JJ whispered over to Spencer. 

"Alright one last big hug from your favorite one here," Penelope said and wrapped her arms around JJ tightly. The entire group smiled widely as JJ seemed to have relaxed in the arms of Penelope. "Okay, now for your bureau approved bubbly. Thank you, boss for this one."

"No problem. Having the two of you here with us is more than a reason to celebrate," Emily said and raised her glass. Everyone followed after her and clinked together their plastic champagne glasses. 

"And thank you for the donuts. I was promised food but someone thought the apple cider was more important," Luke said and looked over at Penelope. The blonde woman rolled her eyes at the man. 

Ring. Ring. Ring. 

Everyone sighed collectively as Emily's phone rang. The raven-haired woman excused herself and made her way up to her office. JJ's eyes watched her carefully.

"JJ?" Matt asked and leaned his head into JJ's line of sight. The blonde woman jumped and smiled shyly. She might have been caught staring at Emily. "What's going on with you?"

"I'm just tired. Michael had me up all night asking if I was going back to work, and then proceeded to beg me not to," JJ said and chuckled softly. "Henry, however, couldn't be more glad that his mom is out being a superhero again."

"Our godson is the sweetest," Penelope said over to Spencer. The rest of them all dove into their donuts complimentary of JJ. The team seemed to be back to normal, especially when Emily came down and had a look of disappointment on her face. 

"We have a case. Seattle needs us right away. We'll debrief on the plane. Wheels up in ten," Emily said and nodded her head. She looked over right at JJ and Spencer to see them calm and collected.

Maybe this case would be good for all of them. At least that's what Emily was praying for. 

In no time, the team had landed in Seattle. That's when JJ's hell was about to begin. Since Emily had to oversee her behavior on cases, that meant they would be partnered up for everything. JJ and Emily were at the police station for majority of the days they spent on this case.

Let's just say, Emily noticed JJ's distance. Of course JJ didn't mean to distant herself so much from Emily to get away from her. It was more of her protecting Emily so she wouldn't do something stupid. The raven-haired woman, however, took this as a sign of displeasure and tried hard to comfort JJ as best as she could. 

It was a back and forth game for the rest of the case with them. It seemed when Emily was getting too close, JJ would move away. It was almost like they were repelling each other. 

Emily had enough of that already. 

"Okay," Emily said and locked the door of their hotel room. Another hell JJ was living in was having to share a room with Emily until she was off therapy. The raven-haired woman threw down her bag and slipped off her blazer. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" JJ said and chuckled nervously. Emily's hand went up and took off both of her earrings. 

"Please don't try to lie to me," Emily said and placed down her earrings on the nightstand. She slipped off her watch and heels as she looked over at JJ. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, Em," JJ said and shrugged her shoulders. The raven-haired woman didn't buy it one bit. 

"Then why are you avoiding me?" Emily asked and tilted her head. JJ turned her back to Emily as she slipped off her heels. "We used to be able to be civil around each other. Stand right next to each other without the fear of being too close lingering in the back of our minds. Now, it's like pulling teeth to get you to even look at me, especially today."

Emily was wearing red today. That was JJ's true weakness.

"I thought we weren't supposed to profile each other," JJ said over her shoulder as she went to the bathroom. The blonde woman slipped off her necklace and the rest of her jewelry. 

"What choice do I have now?" Emily asked and looked over at JJ. The raven-haired woman grabbed onto her hygiene bag and opened it. "I'm worried about you, JJ."

"I'm telling you, I'm fine," JJ said and leaned over the counter as she started to take off her makeup. Emily clenched her jaw and turned over to her. 

"Then look at me in the eye and tell me there's nothing going on. You're scaring me, JJ," Emily said and crossed her arms. JJ froze in her spot as she immediately felt sick to her stomach. The blonde woman looked over at Emily and smiled softly. 

"Everything is fine," JJ lied. The blonde woman was looking over Emily's shoulder at the painting behind her. 

"You're avoiding eye contact. You used to be one of the only people that would look at me in the eye when talking," Emily said and grabbed a makeup wipe. Emily furrowed her eyebrows at JJ's silence. Being quiet was more of an answer than any words. "Is home life okay? How are you and Will?"

"We're good," JJ said simple and forced out a smile. Emily threw down her makeup wipe into the trash can and looked over at JJ. 

"Okay. I'm going to ask you again and this time I'd like the truth," Emily said and grabbed her toothbrush, toothpaste, and other nightly essentials. "How are you and Will?"

JJ leaned over the counter and sighed softly. Emily was never one to drop a conversation about any other person's wellbeing. This time was no different although JJ prayed it would be. 

"We're a little distant. Well, I'm—I'm being distant. Or at least I feel like it," JJ said and kept her eyes down onto the counter. Emily carefully made her way over to JJ. She stuffed her hands into her pockets. 

"I knew it," Emily said softly. JJ's heart started racing as she tried to keep her calm facade going. "You came back to work too early. Will and I wanted you to take more time than you actually did."

"No, Emily. It's not because of that," JJ said and moved away from the counter. She made her way towards the bedroom, brushing against Emily in the process. The raven-haired woman grabbed onto JJ's arm as she walked by. 

"Don't do that. Don't shut me out like that," Emily said and shut her eyes. The blonde woman looked over at Emily. Her eyes ran over every single inch of Emily's face. The two of them finally locked eyes for the first time since they got to their room. "Let me in, JJ. You can't confront a problem you refuse to address. What's going on? Do you need more time off?"

Emily let go of JJ's arm. The blonde woman came back to her senses and pulled away from Emily. 

"I'm fine, Emily," JJ said and walked up to her bag. The blonde woman shifted through her bag to avoid this painfully awkward conversation. 

"JJ, you had a gun to your head. One wrong word and you would have been gone. You need time to process that," Emily said and tilted her head slightly. "You and Reid shouldn't even be here working. I'm just—I'm worried, JJ."

JJ didn't say anything as she hooked her thumbs through her belt loops and turned around to face Emily. She took a step towards the raven-haired woman and tried to gather all her thoughts.

"How would you have felt if Casey did pull that trigger?" JJ asked softly. Emily furrowed her eyebrows, obviously taken back by the question. 

"I would have blamed myself if he had. My job is to make sure you're okay," Emily said and chuckled nervously. JJ pursed her lips. 

"Would you miss me?" JJ asked and took a step towards Emily. The raven-haired woman was like a statue as she looked at JJ. 

"What's this about? JJ, of course I'd miss you. You're one of my dearest friends," Emily said and was really trying to study JJ, but she had put up her walls. The blonde woman sighed softly. "I care about you more than words can explain."

"Just as a friend? Or more?" JJ finally asked. Emily raised her eyebrows as she finally put two and two together. "Do you care about me as more than just a friend?"

JJ took another step towards Emily. This time, the raven-haired woman took a step back with her. Both women played this same game until Emily's back hit the wall. 

"JJ—"

"I realized something when I was so close to having a bullet lodged in my head," JJ said softly. Emily was so painfully close to her. JJ's hands carefully went up to her face and caressed either side. 

"What's that?" Emily asked. She was so scared to even breath at this moment. The last thing she wanted was for JJ to pull away and realize what she was doing. At the same time, all of this was so wrong. 

"I just—I need you. I need you more than a boss or a friend. I—I really need you," JJ said and looked down at Emily's lips. The raven-haired woman's heart was beating out of her chest as JJ leaned forward. The two's lips hovered over each other for a split second of hesitation before JJ tossed it out the window. She kissed Emily softly at first. Emily was so addicting that she only wanted more, and more, and more. 

Emily entire head was spinning. One thing was for sure, she needed so much more of the blonde woman. Emily wrapped her arms protectively around JJ as they started to kiss more desperately. 

"I've missed you," JJ managed to whisper out as Emily just tried to feel more of her soft lips against hers. JJ's hands shot down and grabbed at Emily's belt buckle, frantically trying to undo it. 

Emily couldn't take it any longer and picked up JJ by the back of her thighs. The two women's kiss didn't break as they made their way towards JJ's bed. Emily gently set down JJ before getting on top of the blonde woman. Her hands came up and started to undo with the buttons on JJ's shirt. The blonde managed to slip her tongue right into Emily's mouth as the raven-haired woman tried to feel all of her. Emily grinded her hips down against JJ's, causing both of them to moan softly at the friction. 

"Emily," JJ moaned out sharply as Emily's hands wandered up her clothed body. "Please."

It was like hearing her name being moaned out brought her back to Earth. Emily pulled away with wide eyes as she looked down at JJ. What had just happened felt like an out of body experience, a fantasy Emily had dreamed of coming true. 

"I'm sorry. You're just—married. You're married," Emily said and got off of JJ. The raven-haired woman stood still as her hands pressed together in front of her mouth. "That was a mistake."

"Emily—"

"I'm just going to get some fresh air," Emily said and backed towards the door. JJ sat up and tried to reach out for Emily. The raven-haired woman open and shut the door behind her before JJ could stand up from the bed. Emily held onto the doorknob for dear life as she tried to wrap her head around what just happened. The raven-haired woman tilted her head back against the door as her mouth hung open in shock. Her breathing was more rapid as she felt the cold March air surround her. 

JJ was on the other side of the door in the same position. The blonde woman felt a wave of guilt quickly wash over her before she cracked a smile. She laughed softly from both nerves and regret before burying her face in her hands. 

JJ looked through the peep hole of her apartment door and saw Emily there with her hands behind her back. The blonde woman opened the door and smiled widely at Emily. 

"Well, hello," Emily said as she noticed JJ in just a robe. The raven-haired woman pulled her hand behind her back and showed JJ the small bouquet of lilies, daisies, and red carnations. "Is this a bad time to come visit?"

"No it's perfect," JJ said and reached forward, tugging Emily in by her belt loops. The two women kissed right when they had gotten inside the apartment. JJ's hands held Emily's face steady as they kissed. Finally, both of them pulled away from the kiss. "Mmm, thank you for the flowers."

"You're welcome. They were incredibly difficult to put together. I had to explain to this guy who was persistent on putting roses in there not to. I think you're the only person in all of the world that doesn't like roses," Emily said and handed JJ the bouquet. "I'd love an explanation for that one day."

"And you'll get it," JJ said and grabbed an empty vase from underneath her sink. The raven-haired woman watched as JJ tended to the flowers and placed them in direct sunlight. "Does this look alright?"

"I think you look amazing," Emily said as she walked up right behind the blonde woman. Emily placed a gentle kiss on JJ's shoulder before turning her around. 

"You're sweet but I was talking about the flowers," JJ said and hovered her lips over Emily's. The raven-haired woman smiled widely. 

"Yeah I totally knew that," Emily said and leaned forward, kissing JJ sweetly. The blonde woman laughed against Emily's lips. "I think they look great."

"Yeah?" JJ asked and wrapped her arms around Emily's neck. She was so happy in this moment. The way Emily was looking at her made her weak to her knees. "May I kiss you?"

"It would be a shame if you didn't," Emily said and smiled widely at JJ. The two leaned forward and happily kissed the other. It wasn't a rushed kiss or needy. It was just a kiss that made the other swoon. 

"How about some breakfast and a little alone time later," JJ said and played with the hairs on the back of Emily's neck. The raven-haired woman just smiled and nodded her head. It was safe to say that she was completely under JJ's spell at that point.  

Emily finally had come into the room after an hour of being out in the cold. JJ was already in bed when she had come in. The blonde woman just sat and waited for Emily to do anything. But, the raven-haired woman just finished her nightly routine and got into bed. 

Emily was very much aware that JJ was awake. The two women tried their hardest to fall asleep, but the silence in the room was too much to bare. 

"I'm sor—"

"We'll talk about this later," Emily said and turned to give her back to JJ. The blonde woman just nodded her head as she slowly closed her eyes.

Spencer: "I had to do that. At least once." Suzanne Collins.

Chapter Text

Tara: "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." Mark Twain. 

"I fucked up," JJ said and chuckled bitterly. Her eyes looked down at her hands that were currently sweating with nerves. Specifically, they were looking at the gold wedding ring that was on her finger. Both agents had stopped at a nearby coffee shop before heading into work. Spencer figured some coffee for all of them would elevate some of the tension in the air. "How am I going to talk to her? We stayed so far away from each other when we left Seattle. She was on the other side of the jet and didn't say a word to anyone when we got back."

"Well, you two can't avoid each other forever. You're both happy with your jobs here so running isn't an option," Spencer said and tried to hide his laughter from JJ. The blonde woman sighed as she tapped her hand against the counter. As right on cue, the barista handed them the two drink carriers filled with coffees. They thanked her quickly before heading out the door. 

"I don't know what to do," JJ said and groaned as they made their way to her car. 

"I would say talk to Emily. Talking is really all you can do," Spencer said and shrugged his shoulders as he opened JJ's car door. The blonde woman stopped in her tracks and tried to calm herself from the sarcastic comment that she was going to make. She just handed Spencer the other drink carrier before getting into her car. 

In no time, they were in the elevator riding up to the sixth floor. JJ had Spencer's messenger bag in one hand and her purse in the other. Spencer was persistent on carrying both drink carriers. 

"Maybe I should just launch myself off the side of the building to avoid all of this. It'd have to be after the therapy appointment," JJ said and looked down at her watch. Spencer pursed his lips and looked over at JJ. "That'd be a bad look."

"Maybe don't tell your therapist that. I wouldn't want you to be sent a psychiatric ward or something for those kind of thoughts," Spencer said and nodded his head. The blonde woman chuckled softly. 

"Don't worry, it was just a joke. I wouldn't check myself into one, it just seems too depressing," JJ said and shook her head. She happily reached over and grabbed her coffee from the drink carrier in his hands. The elevator doors opened up and the two of them made their way out of the small space and into the bullpen. Both were doing great until they realized Emily was walking directly towards them. JJ noticed the raven-haired woman and immediately turned around. Spencer backed up and stood in front of JJ. 

"Where are you going?" Spencer whispered yelled. 

"To go check myself in a psychiatric ward to get out of this situation," JJ whispered back.

"Good morning you two," Emily said and smiled softly at the two agents. JJ turned around and inhaled sharply as she looked at Emily. Both younger agents forced a warm smile at their boss. Was it a curse or a blessing that Emily was wearing red today? JJ couldn't decide in that moment. 

"G-Good morning. Morning!" JJ said nervously. Spencer, if he had a free hand, would have slapped it against his forehead for JJ's nervousness. 

"You two brought coffee?" Emily asked and eyed the seven cups in Spencer's hand. The two of them nodded their heads rapidly. 

"Uh, JJ, I'm going to set your coffee on your desk. While I pass out everyone else's," Spencer said and smiled proudly at JJ. The blonde woman immediately started panicking as she realized what he set her up for. Emily and JJ both watched Spencer scurry away from them, smiling proudly to himself about his plan. 

"Here you go," JJ said calmly as she handed the coffee in her hand to Emily. The both of their hands touched briefly and that was enough to make JJ lose it. She quickly handed Emily Spencer's messenger bag with a hard swallow. "Well, I've got to head up to see Hara."

"JJ," Emily called out as the blonde woman quickly spun around. JJ hesitantly turned back around and locked eyes with Emily. "I need to discuss some things with you. Come by my office when you're done with Hara."

"About work," JJ said rather than asked. The raven-haired woman tilted her head slightly and studied JJ very closely. For as nervous as JJ was, she was doing an excellent job at hiding that she wanted to either melt into the floor or vanish through thin air.

"Of course. Work," Emily said and nodded her head. She didn't say anything else as she turned and walked back to her office, leaving off Spencer's bag at his desk. JJ watched Emily as she walked away. Her entire body and heart was screaming at her to chase after Emily and just to tell her already. However, JJ's mind spoke louder as she played with her wedding ring on her finger subconsciously. JJ made the hard decision of walking away and heading up to the eighth floor of the building. 

Emily walked into her office and inhaled deeply. She was trying to calm her racing heart down. Truthfully, she'd be thinking nonstop about JJ since the night of their kiss. The blonde woman was the whole reason that Emily wasn't getting any sleep, nor doing anything productive for the past few days. 

"Everyone, this is William LaMontagne Jr with New Orleans PD," JJ said and gestured to the man. Emily turned to look at him and, needless to say, she was already skeptical about him. He was hovering over JJ a bit too close for her liking. 

The thing that hurt the most is that JJ didn't shy away from his touch. Emily and JJ weren't officially together. Their relationship was clear about the terms and that it was just for fun. It hurt to watch JJ from this far away without knowing if she could step in and say something. It was practically setting a rage fire in her body. 

"This is SSAs Derek Morgan, Aaron Hotchner, and Emily Prentiss," JJ said and gestured towards each agent. Emily could remember exactly the smile that Will gave her. It was warm and friendly. The look JJ had in her eyes when she looked at Emily was comforting despite Emily's internal rage. For a moment, Emily had thought that this was all in her head. That was until Will smiled softly at JJ with a sparkle in his eye and she returned the look back. 

"Emily?"

The raven-haired woman jumped at the sound of someone's voice so near. That immediately snapped her out of her painful daydream. Emily turned towards the source of the sound and saw Tara, Luke, and Matt standing there frozen and with their hands up. 

"Jesus, you guys scared me," Emily said and ran her hand down the side of her face. She finally realized that she never set down her coffee or made it to her desk. Emily cleared her throat as she made her way around the desk. "What is it?"

"You jumped," Tara said and tilted her head in confusion. All three of the agents' eyes flicked back and forth between each other at Emily's behavior. 

"What? You guys scared me. It was a normal human reaction," Emily said and sat down at her desk. All three of them had their eyes locked on Emily. 

"I'm sorry. Aren't you the same Emily Prentiss that talked down an unsub unarmed? You being scared doesn't make sense," Luke said and tilted his head. Emily clenched her jaw as she looked over at him. Matt noticed that look of anger towards Luke and immediately shut the door.

"What's going on?" Matt asked and tilted his head.

"Nothing!" Emily said and shrugged her shoulders. Matt crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. 

"Emily. Do you really want us to profile you?" Matt asked and sighed softly. The two other agents nodded their heads in agreement with Matt. Emily sighed and rubbed her lips together. "It's three verses one."

"If I tell you, you cannot tell another soul. What's going on in office, stays in the office," Emily said and leaned forward on her desk. All three of them quickly dispersed around the room and made themselves comfortable. Luke sat down on the couch, Matt sat in the chair in front of Emily, and Tara sat down at the corner of Emily's desk. "An ex of mine reached out to me."

"Oh is it Clara?" Tara asked and widened her eyes. Matt and Luke both tilted their heads in confusion. 

"What? No," Emily said and furrowed her eyebrows. "It's, uh, one from when I started my new desk job before coming to the BAU."

"What's her name?" Matt asked and smiled softly at Emily. He was happy to be in on the inner secrets of his boss. Meanwhile, Emily was panicking.

A name, any name! Jennifer? Absolutely not. Jenny? No. Jennifer? Jesus Christ, you're an idiot. 

"Rose," Emily said and smiled shyly at them. Not to subtly, it was JJ's middle name. However, this knowledge was only given after a few drinks between the two. JJ didn't like the middle name for some reason and thus kept it a secret from everyone. She even got it removed from all official documents with her name on it. The reason as to why was still a mystery to Emily. 

"And what did this Rose say?" Luke asked and raised his eyebrows as a small smirk formed on his face. Emily threw caution into the wind. The trio had no idea of her history with JJ, so there was no harm being done. 

"Uh, s—she and I ran into each other. It was a simple conversation, but that old feeling was there," Emily said and chuckled nervously. "But things between us got complicated. I just can't help but think that it's also going to end badly."

"Well what did she say?" Tara asked and crossed her arms. Emily sighed and sat back into her chair and shut her eyes. 

"Everything that I dreamed of hearing again. It was just so nice to feel that again. I forgot half of the conversation because I was just so focused on her and only her. Those words that I did catch though. They meant the world to me," Emily said and slowly opened her eyes. She debated for a quick second before letting her walls down. "She left me for someone else. We were so close to making it official and she just left."

The room fell into a sorrowful silence. All of them didn't know what to say at this newly painful knowledge. Emily's mind was racing a million miles an hour as memories of her and JJ just flooded her head. 

"Well, fuck her," Tara said and placed her hand down on Emily's desk. Luke and Matt both furrowed their eyebrows as they looked over at Tara with concerning looks. The older woman met their eye and realized what she had said. "Well, don't actually fuck her. I mean you can if you want to. Make up sex is a great way to let out your—"

"Okay, that's our cue to leave," Matt said and stood up swiftly. Both him and Luke immediately made their way to the door. Both kept their eyes down to the floor. 

"We'll have those reports in," Luke said and tried to open the door without looking. He failed miserably at that task. Tara and Emily looked at them with an amused smile on their faces as they quickly left without another word. 

"So what do I do?" Emily asked and leaned forward on her desk. Tara smiled softly at Emily and reached over, patting the raven-haired woman's shoulder.

"If you really want to give this woman another shot then go for it. But, I would establish clear boundaries to protect yourself," Tara said and shrugged her shoulders. "The way you talk about her, Em, is beautiful to hear. You really love her. Just don't bring her around me because I will judge her hard core for hurting you and putting you through hell."

Well, what Tara didn't know wouldn't hurt her. 

"Noted," Emily said and nodded her head rapidly. Tara gave Emily one last encouraging smile before leaving her alone in her office. The raven-haired woman looked down at the files in front of her. She wanted so desperately to pick up the pen and get to work. It was a lot better than having a married woman on her mind. A married woman who openly admitted to wanting Emily back. 

"What do you want?" Emily asked and clenched her jaw. The blonde woman gulped loudly as she looked at Emily's hand on the door. "If you have nothing to say, don't bother showing up here."

"I do," JJ said and kicked Emily's door open, letting herself into her apartment. The raven-haired woman cocked her head to the side as she stood there. "Go ahead."

"You're the one who supposed to be doing the talking," Emily said and finally shut the door. She turned around and crossed her arms as she looked at JJ. The blonde woman mirrored Emily's body language and stepped closer to her. 

"Yell at me. I know you want to," JJ said and shrugged her shoulder. "Honestly, there's nothing I can say that can make this better. So just go ahead and yell at me all you want. Us being distant at work isn't good."

"Well I think you should get out of my apartment," Emily said and got into JJ's face. The blonde woman had never seen Emily so angry before. Not even out in the field. "I mean it, JJ. Get out."

"I'm sorry," JJ said and searched in Emily's eyes for the once kind and warm brown eyes. Emily chuckled bitterly and looked down at JJ like a rodent. 

"That's all you can say to me? Seriously?" Emily asked coldly. Not once did she take her eyes off of JJ. The blonde woman didn't dare look up. She was fearful she'd turn into stone by Emily's harsh stare. "You chose him!"

"You pushed me away, Emily! Ever since we went to New Orleans, you pushed me away! You were cold and distant when I didn't do anything to cause that!" JJ shouted as her clear blue eyes were turning dark with anger. Both of them finally locked eyes with the other. "'You'd make a cute couple.' Seriously? What the hell was that, Emily?"

"You chose him!" Emily shouted and took another step towards JJ. "You chose him when I was right there!"

"I am so sorry that I didn't catch that the cold and distant act was an attempt to make me like you more. That's a fucking joke!" JJ yelled as she felt her throat tighten. She was suppressing her tears down as best as she could. She didn't want to give Emily the satisfaction of seeing her upset about this. "And if I chose you what would have happened? Would I get hot and cold Emily? Shouting matches and flowers from the market Emily? What would have happened?" 

"Get out," Emily said through her teeth. 

"There you go running away from every problem like always," JJ said as she clenched her jaw. 

Emily balled her hands into fists and slammed them down onto the desk. She was so caught up in her memories that she had completely forgotten where she was in the present. Emily looked over at the window and saw three agents staring up at the office. All of them had looks of concern on their faces.

Emily grabbed a sticky note and scribbled down her message before placing it on the edge of her desk. The raven-haired woman grabbed pile of the files and three pens before walking out of her office. She shut the door behind her and held her head up high as she passed Luke, Tara, and Matt. Thankfully, none of them felt like asking Emily if everything was alright. They already knew the answer. 

An hour passed when JJ went up to Emily's office. The blonde woman knocked three times but there was no answer. She finally grabbed onto the door handle and noticed that her office was unlocked. JJ furrowed her eyebrows as she carefully walked inside. That's when she noticed the note that was left behind by Emily. 

Let's meet tonight at seven. Some personal matter came up. 

JJ shut her eyes and walked out of the office. She just needed to talk to Emily. When she got to the stairs, she noticed the three pairs of eyes that quickly turned away from her. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Luke said and nodded his head as he randomly flipped through files. JJ raised her eyebrows at the two men. Matt and Luke were scared of JJ's eyebrows ever since the Barnes situation. 

"We saw Emily leave her office abruptly after slamming her fists down on her desk," Matt said and scrunched up his face as he realized he had spoken up too soon. JJ had a concerned look on her face as she looked between the three of them. "It was maybe an hour ago. You were in your session."

"Did you see where she went?" JJ asked and she looked over her shoulder. All of them shook their heads and watched JJ's panic set in. JJ sat at her desk and smoothed her hair back, trying to calm down her nerves. "Well, thank you."

"You're welcome. And tell us whatever is happening with Emily. She seems really upset," Tara said and smiled softly at JJ. The blonde woman nodded her head and turned on her computer. 

"Maybe it's Rose," Luke said shrugged his shoulders. JJ's head shot up at the name. Both Tara and Matt groaned as Luke had spilt the very secret Emily wanted kept. Matt reached over and smacked him upside the head. "Ouch!" 

"What did you say?" JJ asked and furrowed her eyebrows. The three agents looked back and forth at each other before collectively sighing. 

"Rose. She's an ex of Emily's. Apparently she reached out to her," Tara said and shrugged her shoulders. "You ask me, she sounds like trouble. She really messed up Emily. She has to work three times harder to get her back after the stunt she pulled."

JJ nodded her head and immediately dove into her work. She was Rose. She was certain of it. Now she had to get through the rest of the day wondering what else Emily told them. 

Knock. Knock. Knock. 

"Come in!" Emily yelled and looked up to the door. JJ walked in and shut the door behind her. The tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife. Emily immediately set down her pen and stood up. She slowly made her way around her desk and towards JJ. "So, please entertain me with what the reason was behind that kiss?"

"I didn't know what I was thin—"

"No, you do know. Tell me now because my head is spinning with ideas and possibilities," Emily said and took a step towards JJ. The blonde woman didn't move an inch as Emily stood so closely in front of her. 

"I told you when I kissed you," JJ whispered as Emily leaned forward. Their faces were so painfully close. JJ was the brave one and leaned her forehead against Emily's. "I miss you."

"I was just caught off guard. I didn't have the chance to say," Emily said softly and planted a gentle kiss right on JJ's cheek. The blonde woman's heart was racing as she shut her eyes. Emily gently placed her hands on her hips and placed another kiss right below her ear. "That I've missed you so much as well."

JJ let herself relax as she wrapped her arms around Emily. The raven-haired woman's innocent kisses quickly turned sloppy. JJ was in heaven at this moment. She was terrified she'd melt into a puddle at the feet of Emily Prentiss, but that's exactly what was happening. 

"Just say no if you want me to stop," Emily whispered right into JJ's ear. The blonde woman's knees buckled as Emily grabbed onto her face and kissed her passionately. JJ buried her hands into Emily's hair and tugged her in, craving so much more of the older woman. 

"JJ? JJ!" 

The blonde woman snapped out of her daydream and looked up at a very concerned looking Emily. The raven-haired woman stood in front of her with her bag to go home. 

JJ had finished work hours ago and watched as each member of her team left for home before her daydream took over. A rather good daydream nonetheless. Her mind had hours to wander and she wasn't complaining about it. 

"Sorry. I thought we were meeting tonight?" JJ asked and furrowed her eyebrows. She gestured towards the two lukewarm coffees that were sitting on her desk. 

"Why don't you come in early tomorrow? I'm exhausted. I'm sorry. I can't concentrate my eyes. I feel like I'm seeing words float around me from all the files," Emily said and chuckled softly. "I'll gladly take a coffee of your hands. I'd need it to drive."

"Of course. Uh, why don't I—we just go out to dinner instead?" JJ asked and handed Emily the coffee. The blonde woman locked eyes with Emily as she waited for an answer. She could tell that the raven-haired woman was taken back by the sudden suggestion. "It'd be good for you, you know? You're in that box majority of your time here at work. It'd be a great way to refresh your mind."

"Great. I'll invite the rest of the girls," Emily said and smiled forcefully. She nodded her head and turned, making her way to the bullpen doors. 

"Wait!" JJ said rather loudly. The raven-haired woman stopped in her place and slowly turned back around to see JJ walking towards her. "I was hoping it would be just me and you. We have to talk about what happened with—well you know what I'm talking about."

"Just tell me the place and time we'd meet," Emily said and nodded her head. She turned back around and was ready to walk off, but she needed to say it. "It's getting late. Go home to your husband, JJ."

With that, Emily finally walked off and out of the bullpen. JJ felt as though she was just kicked in the stomach with that comment. She couldn't read Emily on this situation.

There was no telling what dinner would be like.

Will: "I have loved since you. But when the new paint gets scratched, there you are underneath." Joey Comeau.  

Chapter Text

Luke: "Touch had a memory." John Keats.

"So where are we going again?" JJ asked and furrowed her eyebrows as Emily grabbed onto her hand. The raven-haired woman kissed JJ's knuckles sweetly before gesturing to the restaurant across the street. "Oh, we are not eating there. It's too expensive."

"Of course I had to take you to Capital Grille," Emily said and tugged JJ along. The blonde woman dug her heels in protest. "Jennifer."

"Em. It's too expensive," JJ said and did her best pleading eyes to get Emily to change her option. Emily simply pulled JJ right against her leaned in, kissing her sweetly. 

"And you're worth every penny," Emily whispered against JJ's lips. The blonde woman couldn't help the smile that crept up on her face. "Now, please. We're both starving and there's really good food waiting for us on the inside."

"Fine," JJ said and rolled her eyes. 

"Sorry I'm late. Reid was talking my ear off about the newest computer organization for the bureau. He asked if he could be sent the files so he can print them out himself," Emily said and chuckled as she walked towards the table JJ was at. The blonde woman took the sight of Emily in. The raven-haired woman always looked amazing, but there was something about that light blue dress shirt and black winter coat that made her look irresistible. Emily quickly discarded her jacket and finally sat down at the table. "So, my apologizes."

"Emily. I'm not a stranger. I'd understand why you were late," JJ said and smiled softly at Emily. The raven-haired woman sharply inhaled and smiled forcefully at JJ. "I also ordered up a bottle of white for the table."

Honestly, she didn't know what she was doing here. This wasn't some friendly dinner between the two of them. Emily and JJ were far from being just friends. Without anyone else here, and especially at Capital Grille, it felt more like a date than a formal meeting. A very expensive date night Emily might add.

"So," Emily said and leaned back in her seat. The raven-haired woman was trying so hard to just look at JJ's eyes, but she was curious to what the rest of JJ looked like. "Let's talk."

The waitress came by and happily interrupted the two. JJ couldn't be more thankful for this waitress. Both placed their orders and was given their bottle of wine. The silence between the two was thick as they sat back and just sipped on their glasses. 

Emily tapped her fingernails against the glass as she watched JJ. Both women couldn't look away from the other's eyes. 

"Honestly, JJ. What's going on with you that you felt the need to—"

"I realized," JJ blurred out and swallowed harshly. The blonde woman rolled her shoulders back and sat tall as Emily looked at her. "I don't want to say I made a mistake, but there was obviously some unresolved feelings for you that I never explored fully. A gun to your head and with no weapons really makes you think about your life while you still can. I couldn't die a happy woman with these thoughts in the back of my head."

Emily scoffed and grabbed her wine. She took a large sip of it. She needed to be drunk in order to hear the rest of this conversation. Emily was hoping that she'd be too drunk to even remember it.

"I guess I just got carried away with you being so close," JJ said and shut her eyes. "And for that I'm sorry."

"You really think your the first person to kiss me to make yourself feel better? It's not the kiss that mattered, JJ," Emily said and balled one of her hands into a fist. "After I spent years wondering why I wasn't good enough for you, now suddenly I am? I don't need games, JJ."

"This isn't a game. I'm being honest about how I feel about you," JJ said and furrowed her eyebrows. 

"And how do I know it's honest this time. You're married for crying out loud," Emily said and clenched her jaw. "You married the man you left me for, so forgive me for being hesitant."

"You pushed me to him. Really, I'm trying here, Emily. You don't think that I would love to go home and be so in love with my husband that everything is all rainbows and sunshine? You don't think I want to be faithful to him? You honest to God think that I wanted to put you through this?" JJ asked and sat forward. Her eyes darkened as she looked at Emily. The raven-haired woman sighed heavily as she looked at JJ. "I never forgave myself for hurting you. I'm so sorry, Emily. But I can't sit here and lie myself any longer."

"What does this mean for me?" Emily asked and crossed her legs underneath the table. The raven-haired woman swirled her wine around in the glass. "What do you want from me?"

"I never—I never got to live life with you. A full life," JJ said and smiled shyly at Emily. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at the raven-haired woman. "Honestly, I was going to leave Will. I had planned to on it that night you came by my office, after the Silver Spring case with Keri. That was until I got a call from my doctor's. That morning I found out I was pregnant and I couldn't leave. Henry deserved to have two parents. So, I shoved any and all feelings for you so far down until now. I want to be able to figure out what it's like now. I don't know, Emily."

"You do know," Emily said and gulped loudly. She knew exactly where this conversation was going to head. Emily would be lying to herself if she said this conversation wasn't satisfying. JJ was crawling back to her after making a mistake, even though JJ herself didn't view it that way. "What are you asking me to do, JJ."

"I want you, Emily," JJ said and reached across the table and grabbed onto Emily's hand. "I wouldn't be asking if I knew you'd say no."

"I can't gamble your marriage on a chance, JJ," Emily said and furrowed her eyebrows. The raven-haired woman was at a cross road. Her heart was screaming at her to just lean over and kiss JJ, but her head was making her stay put. "What if doesn't work?"

"What if it does?" JJ asked as her eyes softened. Emily's heart and mind were both battling for the answer. Emily was smart enough to know that cheating in any capacity is wrong. On the other hand, her heart missed JJ more than anything. Emily was heartbroken after her and JJ's 'relationship' ended. She said it herself that she'd do anything to get JJ back. "It's all up to you. You know what I want."

"If you really want to give this woman another shot then go for it.”

Emily thought back to Tara's advice. It was clear that Tara wouldn't openly cheer on Emily for cheating, but she did have a point. What if it was different this time?

The waitress went ahead and placed down both of their meals right in front of them. She could sense the tension between these two women. The waitress wanted nothing more than to get out of there. She had even thought for a second that JJ and Emily turned into statues with how still they were sitting. 

"Please, Emily," JJ pleaded and placed her other hand onto Emily's. "Please. We'll go by your rules, I just need to know what it's like. I can't live with myself if I didn't at least try to get you back."

"I need a few months," Emily said and locked eyes with Emily. JJ sat at the edge of her seat as she nodded her head fast. "And I get to call this off whenever I want. I can't drive myself insane with this, Jennifer."

"You won't. We'll go by your rules and your boundaries," JJ said and rubbed her thumb over Emily's hand. JJ wanted so desperately to lean over and kiss Emily, but they were in public. As much as it made her skin crawl to cheat, she needed to do something for herself for once. "Please."

"Three months and we can decide," Emily said and scooted her chair closer to JJ. The blonde woman's hands never left Emily's. The raven-haired woman was finally allowing her heart's feeling to take over. She held onto JJ's hand and sighed softly. It felt like both a weight was lifted and placed down on her shoulders. "I've missed you so much. You're worth the risk."

"God, I could kiss you right now," JJ said softly. Emily smiled widely at the blonde woman. This was the JJ that Emily fell in love with all those years ago. "I've missed you too, Em. More than you can imagine. I'm so sorry that it took me this long to realize that I'm an idiot."

"You are an idiot. But so am I," Emily said and chuckled. JJ's heart fluttered at the sound of Emily's laughter. The two of them didn't waste any more time and devoured their food right in front of them. Emily's heart was happy. She felt like she was thirty-seven again with JJ right next to her. 

Both of them were continuing on with light conversation as they finished up their meals. JJ was glad that she got to even have this dinner with Emily in the first place. Emily had put up several walls ever since the whole situation with Will, but now she was slowly peeling them down. She truly missed JJ as a lover more than anything in the world. If Emily even had the tiniest chance to get her back, she would take it. 

"Are we doing okay here?" the waitress asked and smiled widely at the two of them. 

"We're good, thank you. I'd just like the check," JJ said and nodded her head. The waitress walked off without another word as JJ's attention turned back to Emily. The dark chocolate eyes couldn't stop looking at JJ. "What?"

"Am I being spoiled already?" Emily asked and raised an eyebrow. JJ smiled widely as she rested her hand on Emily's bare knee. "I was prepared to pay."

"Of course you are. Plus, we still have some more things to discuss that I don't feel comfortable sharing in a fine dining restaurant," JJ said and gestured towards the crowd that was in the surrounding tables. 

Sex. JJ was talking about sex.

It didn't take long for the waitress to come back with the check. In only a matter of fifteen minutes, the two women were out of the restaurant. Emily will admit, she was feeling a little tingling from the wine. 

However, she was still very aware of what she signed up to. It killed her having to wait to be able to touch JJ. The blonde woman in her tight black dress looked irresistible to Emily.

"You're doing it," JJ said and smirked slightly. Emily was about to question it when JJ pulled her towards the car. "I think it's inappropriate that you're already undressing me with your eyes and I haven't even gotten you to the car."

"Can you blame me? You look amazing," Emily said and smiled widely as JJ held the door for her. "Charming. Thank you."

"You're welcome," JJ said and grabbed Emily's hand. She looked back and forth through the rather empty Washington streets. Emily furrowed her eyebrows before JJ leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Emily's knuckle. That gesture made Emily melt into a puddle in her seat. The raven-haired woman watched as JJ shut the door and swiftly made her way to the driver's side. 

The drive to Emily's apartment was short. JJ was a good driver and was careful to miss any bumps and cracks in the road so it wouldn't disturb Emily. The raven-haired woman was tilted to the side as her eyes were nearly shutting. 

Emily didn't even realize that she was in front of her apartment until JJ's hand gently caressed her knee. Emily's head shot up as she looked over at JJ. The raven-haired woman was met with a soft smile and loving eyes from her JJ. 

"I uh, texted Will that I might be home late," JJ said and gulped. Emily was brave enough to reach over and grab onto JJ's hand. The raven-haired woman kissed the back of JJ's hand sweetly. The blonde woman watched in awe as Emily lovingly kissed each one of her fingers. 

"Stay the night," Emily said softly between the kisses. JJ didn't think twice as she nodded her head. "Come on."

Emily made a move to open her door when JJ quickly grabbed her arm. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Opening the door?" Emily asked and furrowed her eyebrows. "I need to if I want to go to my apartment and take off these heels."

"Sit down until I open the door for you," JJ said and held a finger up. Emily watched as JJ grabbed her to-go bag and made her way around the car. Emily smiled shyly at JJ as the blonde woman opened the door for her.

"I can open my own door," Emily said and rolled her eyes as JJ shut the door. "I don't need you to open it for me."

"Okay, I'm just going to because I want to," JJ said and shrugged her shoulders. The two of them quickly made their way up to Emily's apartment. JJ's entire body felt like it was on fire as they entered the door.

Emily sighed heavily as she made her way over to the couch. She lazily kicked off her heels in the process.

"Would you like something to drink? Water? More wine? I even made some lemonade a few days ago," Emily said and dropped her purse on the couch. With her luck, her keys came flying out. Emily bent over to pick them up when she felt JJ right behind her. The raven-haired woman froze in place as JJ placed her hands on her hips. 

"Hi," JJ said and pulled Emily back by her hips. The raven-haired woman smiled in shock as she stood up straight and turned around in JJ's embrace. Her heart was beating right out of her chest. 

"Hi," Emily said nervously as she felt JJ's finger start to play with the hem of her shirt. Emily had never seen the blonde woman like this. JJ was much more confident with herself now. Emily hadn't even seen this side of her during their 'relationship.' 

"I think someone needs to go to bed," JJ said as she unbuttoned Emily's bottom button. The raven-haired woman didn't look away from JJ's intense blue eyes. 

"Why's that?" Emily asked and tried to keep her calm façade on for JJ. She felt her stomach twisting as she felt JJ's warm hands against her bare abdomen. JJ smiled softly as she leaned forward next to Emily's ear. 

"I still remember what you taste like," JJ said softly. Emily's eyes shut as all of these memories came flooding into her mind. Just thinking about it made her ache. Emily was so caught up in her memories that she didn't even notice JJ had successfully unbuttoned her shirt. The blonde woman placed a gentle kisses onto Emily's neck, over and over again. JJ's hands grazed over Emily's covered chest. "Please. Let's take you to bed so I can see if my memory is correct."

"Kiss me first," Emily whispered out as JJ's neck kisses started to get more sloppy. The blonde woman pulled away and grabbed onto Emily's face and kissed her. The two women stood still for a couple of seconds to melt in the other's embrace. It hadnt been so long since their last real kiss yet they both tasted exactly the same. Emily smiled widely against JJ's lips. "You still use that coconut chapstick."

"And you still like it," JJ said and pulled the woman back in. Emily tasted like cherry from her favorite chapstick. JJ couldn't get enough of it. Soon the two women were trying to take control of the kiss. 

"God, come here," Emily said and grabbed JJ by the back of her thighs. The blonde woman allowed Emily to pick her up as their kiss carried on. Emily rushed to her bedroom as soon as JJ started to kiss and suck down the raven-haired woman's neck. 

Emily finally set down JJ onto the bed. The two of them crawled back onto the bed until JJ's head was on the pillows. Emily couldn't help but grab JJ by her throat and took complete control over the kiss. The blonde woman melted into a puddle as Emily took over. JJ's hands quickly took off Emily's shirt and scratched down her abdomen. Everything about Emily so familiar. 

Emily's hands went down and fumbled with JJ'a pants. The raven-haired woman groaned into the kiss when JJ dug her short nails into Emily's back. JJ had managed to flip them both around and held Emily down by her throat. 

This surely wasn't a side to JJ that Emily had seen. The blonde woman leaned down and ghosted her lips over Emily's. 

"You're going to lay there and not move an inch while I take my time undressing you," JJ murmured sweetly into Emily's mouth. The raven-haired woman nodded her head, dumbfounded by JJ's dominance. The blonde woman smirked before finally giving in and kissing Emily once again. The older woman moaned right against the kiss as JJ pressed her hand down harder on her throat.

Emily couldn't breathe for a second until JJ pulled away and kissed down Emily's body. The blonde woman made sure to worship each inch of Emily's skin. JJ's hands quickly took off Emily's belt and tossed it onto the bed. The raven-haired woman sat up on her elbows as she watched JJ undo her pants. 

"I thought I told you not to move an inch," JJ said as she slowly peeled off Emily's pants. The raven-haired woman bit her lip as JJ tossed her pants to the side and spread her legs.

"I want to watch everything so it can replay in my head all the time," Emily said as she tried her hardest not to lift her hips. The blonde woman looked up at Emily before pulling away and standing at the foot of the bed. "JJ, ple—"

JJ grabbed Emily by her ankle and pulled her down to the edge of the bed. Emily didn't have time to process anything before her lips were met in a frantic kiss with JJ. The blonde woman happily unclasped Emily's bra before tossing it aside. 

"You never listen to me, do you?" JJ asked as she grabbed onto Emily's throat. The blonde woman bit down on Emily's lip and pulled back, watching as her lover's eyes grew dark with lust. JJ let her lip go as she hooked her fingers onto Emily's underwear. 

"You're not the boss of me," Emily said as JJ pulled down and discarded her last piece of clothing. The blonde woman chuckled cynically as she hovered her lips over Emily's. 

"I am the boss of you. Especially right now since I can do this," JJ said as she sank a finger into Emily's soaking wet cunt. The raven-haired woman moaned softly against JJ's lips. "And I'll have you falling apart on my hands."

"More, JJ, please," Emily said softly as she tilted her head back. The blonde woman slowly pumped her finger in and out. 

"Yeah? Ask me nicely," JJ said as she tilted her head and started to kiss at Emily's neck. The raven-haired woman shut her eyes as she felt JJ bite her neck softly. 

"Please, please do more. Please," Emily begged as she moved her head to the side to give JJ more room to her neck. The blonde woman sank another finger into Emily, making her whimper as JJ's pace started to quicken. "Fuck. Fuck!"

JJ's mouth trailed up to Emily's ear. The blonde woman kissed it gently before taking her ear lobe in between her teeth. Emily's eyes rolled to the back of her head as her hands gripped JJ's biceps. 

"JJ, please," Emily moaned out as she shut her eyes tightly. The blonde woman smirked proudly as she heard Emily's tough shell shattering because of her. 

"You make the most beautiful sounds when you're desperate," JJ whispered as her pace went faster. Emily's body and soul melted at JJ's words of praise. "God, I've missed hearing this."

JJ couldn't help herself as she pulled her fingers out of Emily and knelt down to the floor in front of her. Emily's eyes locked onto JJ as she leaned forward and licked up her cunt. Emily's eyes rolled to the back of her head as JJ held down by her hips. "Jesus Christ."

JJ's tongue concentrated on Emily's swollen clit. Emily's hands snaked down into JJ's hair as she tried to pull her closer. JJ's tongue swirled around her clit as she sucked harshly. Emily's entire body was shaking as she felt the familiar pit in her stomach. 

JJ sank in two fingers into Emily's cunt once again as her mouth never left her clit. The raven-haired woman's entire body jolted as JJ's fingers curled perfectly against her g-spot. 

"JJ!" Emily moaned out as she lifted her hips. The blonde woman's pace never weakened as she sucked harder on Emily's clit. The raven-haired woman's legs shook as she was on the edge of her orgasm. "I'm—Oh God."

JJ flicked her tongue back and forth on Emily's clit as fast as she could. The raven-haired woman's grip on her hair tightened as her body felt the wave of her orgasm. Emily's hips buckled up as she rode out her high while moaning out for JJ. 

The blonde woman pulled away from Emily. She was completely and utterly satisfied from making Emily cum like that. JJ just couldn't help herself as she leaned forward and licked up Emily's wet cunt. 

"Just like how I remembered. Maybe even better," JJ mumbled as she hooked her arms around Emily's legs. The raven-haired woman was too weak to fight JJ off of her. 

"I'm a little sensiti—"

JJ didn't hesitate to lick and suck on all of the wetness that was over Emily. Her nose pressed right against Emily's clit as her tongue entered her. The raven-haired woman's back arched off the bed as she grabbed onto JJ's hair again. 

The blonde woman wasn't even trying to make Emily come again. She just wanted to indulge on tasting her lover once again. Emily's grip tightened on her hair as she felt herself fall apart once again. 

"JJ," Emily whimpered out as she came. This time, JJ pulled away indefinitely with a proud grin on her face. 

"Are you okay?" JJ asked and hovered over Emily. She tried so hard to hide the smile on her lips. "Do you need a minute?"

"No, I'm just getting started with you, Jareau."

Matt: "Sex is for anyone; the aftermath is for lovers." Harlan Coben.

Chapter Text

Penelope: "Love is the best medicine for a wounded heart and a suffering soul." Debasish Mridha.

"God, Emily," JJ breathed out as she threw her head back. The blonde woman snaked her hand down between her legs and tugged at Emily's hair. Her legs were shaking as she tried to get off of Emily's mouth.

"Where are you going?" Emily asked as she pulled JJ down once again. 

"I need a break," JJ whimpered out as Emily's lips wrapped around her clit once again. Her hand tightened around Emily's hair. JJ's jaw dropped as her hips started to grind against Emily's face. "Jesus, Emily. More, please. So much more."

Emily hummed as JJ tugged at her hair harshly. The blonde woman shivered as she rocked her hips down harder on Emily's mouth. JJ's moans and heavy breathing filled up the quiet room. 

Emily's tongue swirled around JJ's clit in tight circles. The blonde woman's head tossed back as her entire body felt the wave of her orgasm take over her. JJ's grip on Emily's hair loosened as she fell to the side and off of Emily. 

"God," JJ mumbled as her hot body met the cold sheets beneath her. Emily sat up and kissed JJ's shoulders gently, pulling her towards her. "You're going to kill me."

"There's worse ways to die. You want to go again?" Emily asked as her lips curled into a smile. JJ chuckled as she wrapped her arms around Emily's neck. "Round six?"

"You're going to kill me," JJ mumbled as she leaned forward and kissed Emily sweetly. The raven-haired woman smiled widely against her lips as she tried to pull JJ even closer to her body. "But it's your turn this time."

JJ didn't think twice as she pushed Emily back and straddled the older woman. Emily's hands fell immediately to JJ's hips as she tugged her body towards her. The two of them met in a fiery kiss, desperately trying to over power the other. 

"JJ," Emily moaned out softly as the blonde woman's hand slipped between her legs. JJ smiled cynically at the abundance of wetness she felt. 

"You got this soaked from just taking care of me?" JJ asked as she broke away from Emily's grasp and slowly lowered herself down her body. The raven-haired woman nodded her head as JJ spread her legs. "I need to hear your answer, Emily."

"Yes," Emily breathed out as JJ kissed down her inner thighs. The raven-haired woman locked eyes with blue eyes that were dark with lust. JJ pushed the back of Emily's thighs towards the raven-haired woman's body and held them down. She didn't hesitate to lean down and lick away Emily's wetness. "Fuck me."

"I will. Just let me have my own personal fun with you first," JJ mumbled as she took Emily's clit in between her lips. Emily cried out in both sensitivity and pleasure as JJ's tongue started to pay special attention to her clit. The raven-haired woman's hand buried into JJ's hair as she tugged her closer. JJ's nails dug onto the back of Emily's thighs, causing Emily to hiss in pain before pleasure took over. 

"JJ!" Emily moaned out as she held onto JJ's hair for dear life. "JJ, baby. Jennifer!"

"Jennifer!" 

JJ snapped out of her daydream and locked eyes with the therapist in front of her. The blonde woman swallowed hard as she sat up straight. Her therapist had a look of curiosity in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, my mind is swarmed with a million things I need to do," JJ said and chuckled softly. She wasn't lying, Emily was one of them. 

"So, how are you doing this morning?" Hara, JJ's therapist, asked as she tilted her head. Her maroon hair color and deep brown eyes were a direct nod to her job. Hara was in charge of learning secrets of all her patient's and JJ was no difference. Except for the fact that, Hara knew virtually nothing about the blonde woman. 

Meanwhile, JJ felt both heavy and light at the same time. Her body ached from last night events with Emily, but she couldn't deny the weight that had been lifted off her shoulders. Having orgasms until two in the morning really elevates some stress. However, having to go home and kiss her husband good morning was another heavy part. JJ's head was spinning in circles.

"Great," JJ answered simply as she tapped her fingers against the couch's armrest. The therapist took quick notice to this action by directly staring at JJ's hand. Her sharp eyes was what prompted JJ to stop it instantly. "Just a little overwhelmed is all."

"And why do you think that is?" Hara asked and raised her eyebrows. "Have things at home not changed?"

"I'm terrified at home. With an event that real, I don't think I've known peace since before then," JJ said and squinted her eyes at her therapist. "I'm trying to get in touch with old roots to help me build a foundation."

"And that foundation being for?" Hara asked and motioned for JJ to continue her statement. 

"Myself. I feel like I lost myself. Having a gun to your head really opens your eyes with how unsatisfying your life is," JJ said and leaned back in her seat. Hara nodded her head slowly as she saw a small crack in JJ's hard exterior. 

"And what do you think about that?" Hara asked and made some notes on the clipboard in front of her. "What's not satisfied?"

"I think it's all bullshit," JJ said and shrugged her shoulders. She paused momentarily to carefully choose her next words. "I married a man because I love him. I have two beautiful boys. I have an amazing job. Friends that I can trust with my life. Financial, I've never been better. So, is it wrong that I'm still not satisfied?"

"It's not wrong at all. Of course, these are conversations you'd have to have with your husband so you both can figure it out. Life isn't a straight path of happiness. All of us are allowed to be unhappy with our lives no matter how small the detail is. It's all about balance and harmony within every aspect of your life. You have the right to be open and honest about your feelings all the time. Even if you think you don't. Just listen to your heart and everything will figure itself out," Hara said and smiled softly at JJ. "I do have to say that I'm impressed with you, Agent Jareau. You're already being more open than our first session. It only took five sessions."

"I—had a revelation," JJ said and shrugged her shoulders. Hara's ears immediately peaked up in curiosity. The two women just stared at each other. Hara could visibly see JJ setting up the wall of emotions. 

"Well, when you're ready, we'll discuss this revelation later," Hara said and smiled softly at JJ. The blonde woman nodded her head and ran her hands over her pant legs. 

The rest of the session was normal as ever. It was fifty minutes of JJ avoiding any and all deep questions presented by the therapist. Hara didn't expect JJ to open up to her all at once. The blonde woman liked having some things kept very very private. 

JJ had found herself back at the coffee pot in the bullpen. She needed the caffeine more than ever today. She wasn't full of energy as per usual. 

"Hey—"

"Jesus Christ!" JJ shouted out before covering her mouth. Emily immediately put her hands up in surrender as she took a step back from the blonde woman. "Christ, Emily, you scared me."

"I'll make sure to make a grand entrance before walking up to you at the coffee pot," Emily said and tapped her index finger to her temple. The blonde woman chuckled at Emily's sarcastic remark before grabbing her coffee mug. 

"What was the reason for the heart attack?" JJ asked as she grabbed some of sugar packets for her coffee. 

"Just checking in," Emily said and shrugged her shoulders. JJ raised her eyebrows as she looked over at Emily. "Okay, fine. You just got out of your therapy session and had the wall up."

"What wall?" JJ asked and furrowed her eyebrows. 

"The wall you visibly put up to hide your emotions. It's that obvious, you might as well have an actual wall around you," Emily said and leaned against the counter. "You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?"

JJ emptied the sugar into her coffee as she sat with that thought. She looked over at Emily once again and saw how hopeful the raven-haired woman's eyes were. JJ wanted nothing more than to grab Emily and kiss her for being so kind to her. Sadly, she couldn't have everything she wanted at that moment.

"I'm debating on telling my therapist about me exploring and reevaluating my sexuality. But, I think she might have an inkling already," JJ said and bit the corner of her lip. Emily did a quick glance around to see if anyone was watching them, the coast was clear. "I just hate talking to her."

"Why do you say that?" Emily asked and tilted her head. "I mean, she's a therapist. Her whole job is to validate your feelings, call out your mistakes, and hand you a list of how to conquer those mistakes for future reference."

"I mean, yes, but I felt as though she knew. She was just tiptoeing her way around the subject. I just don't want to tell her anything that could come back to you," JJ said and sighed softly. "Maybe I'm just reading too much into it. My head is clouded."

"With?" Emily asked as she looked genuinely concerned about what was going on with JJ. The blonde woman scanned her eyes around the bullpen once again before leaning forward and grabbing onto Emily's hand. The raven-haired woman immediately knew what, or rather who, was clouding JJ's mind. "It's me."

"It's us," JJ said and stroked her thumb over Emily's hand. JJ shut her eyes as she tried to fight the urge to lean her forehead against Emily's. "I really want to make all of this work."

"Well, there's still a technical issue that's in the way of this," Emily said and clenched her jaw slightly. JJ could hear the bitterness in Emily's voice. 

"I can't leave him, Emily," JJ said softly as she locked eyes with the raven-haired woman. Emily felt her entire heart drop as she JJ held onto her hand tighter. "At least not yet."

"Of course. That'd be too easy," Emily said and dropped JJ's hand. The raven-haired woman choked back her sadness as she made her way up to her office. JJ watched her as she walked up the stairs before shutting the door. Spencer noticed JJ's distress when he got up for a refill on his coffee. 

"JJ, are you okay?" Spencer asked as he set his mug down. JJ shut her eyes as she too was trying to hold in her sadness. He carefully looked back at Emily's office as the raven-haired woman had her hands buried in her face. Spencer gently grabbed onto JJ's hand and led her out of the bullpen and down the hall. 

"Spence, I appreciate the effort but I don't want—"

"No," Spencer said and pulled JJ into an empty conference room with him. "We're talking about this. I don't like to see the two of you fighting—"

"I said I don't want to, Spence—"

"—you and Emily have been on edge with each other for weeks now. I just want to—"

"I said enough, Spencer!" JJ shouted and shoved the man's hands away. The brunette man stopped in his tracks and watched JJ with sadden eyes. "I don't feel like talking about my feelings because that's making them real! All I've been talking about is my emotions and at this moment in time, it's fucking exhausting!"

"I'm sorry. You just looked upset," Spencer said and stuffed his hands in his pockets. JJ ran her hands over her face and sighed heavily. 

"I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm sorry," JJ said and looked up at Spencer. Her eyes were red as tears threatened to fall down her cheeks. "I'm overwhelmed. I'm sorry."

"I understand," Spencer said and nodded his head slightly. "I just don't want you to feel like you should lie to someone. I don't think you've told Emily about you being in love with her. I know, for sure, that you're too cautious to open up to Hara about these things. You don't have to lie to me about anything, JJ. I hope you know that."

JJ let out a shaky breath as she felt her high walls come crumbling down. JJ didn't register she was crying until she tasted her tears on her lips.

"We slept together," JJ admitted finally. As Spencer's jaw dropped, JJ's shoulders felt lighter now that she said that secret out loud. "And I don't know what to do."

"With what?" Spencer asked and furrowed his eyebrows. He figured that it was only a straight line to divorce with Will and entering a new relationship with Emily. 

"Do I leave him? I'm not even sure I could with Henry and Michael. He'd fight for full custody, especially if he knows about this affair," JJ said and buried her face in her hands. "It's not a simple 'listen to heart' or 'you can talk about your feelings with you husband.' It's nothing like that! I hate that no matter what I do, I hurt somebody in the process. I choose Will, Emily will never speak to me again and I will hate myself for the rest of my life. I choose Emily, Will takes Henry and Michael away from me and I will hate myself for the rest of my life. When will people understand that I can't happily talk about how I truly feel and that I hate myself regardless of the outcome!"

"I'm sorry," Spencer said softly as he took a step towards JJ. The blonde woman's lip quivered as she practically fell into Reid's arms. JJ muffled her cries as best as she could as Spencer held onto her tightly. 

Knock. Knock. Knock. 

Penelope walked through the door with caution and saw both agents there. JJ immediately shot up and wiped her eyes of the tears, but Penelope knew her friend. Plus, the tears in her eyes and red face was kind of hard to miss. 

"What's going on?" Penelope asked softly as she made her way towards JJ. The blonde woman smiled forcefully at Penelope before looking up at Spencer. 

"Just a good old fashioned crying session," JJ joked and wiped underneath her eyes with her finger. Penelope's heart sank at the joke. In all honesty, she couldn't remember the last time she had seen JJ cry. The blonde woman was very good at bottling up her emotions long enough to release them in private.

"JJ," Penelope said gently as she placed her hand on the woman's arm. Spencer pursed his lips as he watched Penelope slowly trying to get JJ's wall down. "Is this about the thing that happened in the pawn shop? Because if it is, you can talk to me about it, or Tara, or Matt, or Luke, or Rossi, especially Emily."

Penelope saw JJ tense up slightly at the mention of the raven-haired woman. Her eyes widened slightly as she looked between Spencer and JJ. 

"Are you and Emily in a fight or something?" Penelope asked and tilted her head. "You never do that thing where you tense up when I mention Emily."

"I just don't want to talk to Emily about what I'm feeling. She knows enough already," JJ said as she looked over at Spencer. The brunette man nodded his head as he kept his hands in his pockets. 

"Then why did you—"

"Garcia," JJ said as she shut her eyes. The younger woman immediately stopped her sentence and looked over at Spencer. "I will talk to Emily as soon as I feel like I won't burst into tears when I'm talking to her."

"Okay," Penelope said and pursed her lips. "Just know that whatever it is that's going on, you can always talk to me about it."

Not about this. JJ didn't want another soul to know about her affair. It was bad enough that Spencer knew. JJ couldn't risk telling another person. 

"I will," JJ said as she grabbed onto Penelope's hand. The two women smiled at each other before JJ walked out of the room. 

"Do you know anything?" Penelope asked as she looked up at Spencer. The brunette man just formed a tight lipped smile and shook his head. 

"I don't think anyone knows what's going on with JJ one hundred percent of the time," Spencer said as he nodded his head before leaving the room. Penelope couldn't help but wonder the exact reason as to why the two of them were talking. She couldn't help but pry, she cared deeply about JJ and was worried to say the least. 

After hours of painful awkwardness, headaches, and mountains of paperwork, JJ had finally decided to look up from her desk. She noticed Luke, Matt's, and Spencer's desk were missing the three men and their personal belongings. 

"Well, welcome back," Tara said and chuckled as she stuffed her things into her bag. JJ furrowed her eyebrows. 

"Where did everyone go?" JJ asked as she watched Tara slip on her jacket. The older woman laughed as she grabbed her bag. 

"Home. It's six o'clock, JJ," Tara said as she gestured towards the computer. JJ looked down at the clock and she was right. The sun was already going down. "The three of them said bye when they left. They told me to repeat the message in case you missed it. You should get home to rest and eat. You didn't eat anything all day."

"I will. I just have to finish this last thing," JJ said and smiled up at Tara. "Thank you for telling me. Go home Tara and get some rest as well."

"Oh believe me, you will not hear from me for the next fourteen hours. I plan on getting like a raisin in a bubble bath with a large glass of wine and some reality TV," Tara said and chuckled. She walked over to JJ and placed her hand on her shoulder. "Goodnight, JJ."

"Goodnight," JJ said and smiled softly as Tara walked away. The blonde woman turned her attention back to the file that was in front of her. Truthfully, the whole reason why she looked up was because she was done with it already. But, Tara didn't need to know that. 

JJ glanced over at Emily's office and saw the raven-haired woman sitting there, also lost in her paperwork. JJ shut the file in front of her as she stood up and made her way towards the office. 

Knock. Knock. Knock. 

"Come in," Emily said and didn't look up from her files. The second she heard the door shut, her heart started beating fast. She recognized the small footsteps immediately. Her eyes glanced up and locked on JJ. 

"I came here to apologize," JJ said and intertwined her fingers in front of her. Emily got up and shut the blinds before walking up to JJ. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one that needs to apologize. I shouldn't pressure you into leaving him. It's a big step and can certainly get messy," Emily said and sighed softly. "I just—I wanted another chance. Some stupid daydreams of mine only hoped that you'd choose me this time."

"Emily—"

"Wait," Emily said softly and held up her hand. "I'm sorry. There's a part of me that wants to be angry with you and scream and yell for putting me in a position like this again."

"And the other part?" JJ asked carefully. Emily was trying to wrap her head around her swarming thoughts. 

"The other part wants to wait for you. That wants to buy you flowers again. Take you out on dates when you're ready. To finally tell the team about everything," Emily said as she walked towards JJ. The raven-haired woman grabbed onto both of JJ's hands and leaned her forehead against hers. "I'm sorry for putting this weight on you. But you deserve to know the truth."

JJ swallowed hard as she shut her eyes. The two women stayed in the other's embrace for a few minutes. 

"Come here," JJ whispered as she grabbed a hold of Emily's face. The two women ducked their heads in as they kissed. Both of them took sharp breaths in as their hands grabbed onto the other. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Emily mumbled against JJ's lips. The two of them kissed once again, trying to pull the other closer. 

"I'm sorry," JJ said again. Emily pulled back and chuckled softly. "I know you said I don't have to apologize, but I do. You're right, I put you in this position for a second time. You don't deserve that."

"JJ, if there's a chance, I'm not going anywhere," Emily said and placed her hand underneath JJ's chin. The blonde woman's eyes locked onto Emily's as her heart swooned at those words. 

"You mean that?" JJ asked with hopeful eyes. 

"Of course I do," Emily said and smiled softly.

Rossi: "The wait is long, my dream of you does not end." Nuala O'Faolain. 

Chapter Text

Emily: "Memories fade away, but the feeling of love is immortal." Author Unknown.

Knock. Knock. Knock. 

"Come in!" Emily yelled as she set down the stack of files at the edge of the desk. She was starting to get anxious with all the files and resorted to organizing them to the best of her abilities. However, the corner of her eyes caught the perfect blonde woman with a folder in front of her. "To what do I owe this surprise? I thought you were going home early?"

"I was," JJ said and tilted her head to the side. Her eyes shamelessly raked over Emily's side profile. She was a treat to stare at. JJ carefully shut the blinds of Emily's office without the raven-haired woman noticing. JJ snaked her arms around Emily's waist and rested her chin on Emily's shoulder. The blonde woman handed Emily the file in her hand. 

"Hi," Emily said softly as she immediately opened the folder in her hand. "You love just giving me more work, don't you?"

"This is what I get for having a crush on my boss," JJ said and rolled her eyes. Emily looked back at JJ and smiled softly. 

"You have a crush on me?" Emily asked and wiggled her eyebrows. JJ shook her head as a small smile took over her lips. Emily gasped dramatically as she turned around in JJ's arms. "I knew it."

"Shut up," JJ said and chuckled. The two leaned their forehead against the other's. Both of them wanted to kiss each other so badly, it nearly hurt. It still felt wrong to both of them that they were so happy under these circumstances. "You know what I want?" 

"Mmm, what's that?" Emily asked as she shut her eyes. She was absorbing all of JJ's comfort for as long as she was able to. JJ moved her head so her mouth was right by Emily's ear. 

"Some coffee and breakfast for dinner," JJ whispered. Emily couldn't help the smile that came across her face. 

"Now that sounds delicious right now," Emily said and finally pulled away from JJ. The two locked eyes again before looking down at their lips. "I'd need a payment first."

"And what would that payment be?" JJ asked and tilted her head. Emily flicked her eyes down to JJ's lips again before looking back up at her crystal blue eyes. The blonde woman raised an eyebrow suggestively as she got closer to Emily. "I need you to say it."

"Come here and give me a kiss, damn it," Emily said and smiled loosely as she shook her head. JJ grabbed onto Emily's pants by the belt loops as she leaned in and kissed her. The two of them stumbled back into Emily's desk as they kissed sweetly. The raven-haired woman's arms wrapped around JJ as she was in pure bliss. The two of them finally pulled away to breathe, both having large smiles as they did. 

"Come on," JJ said and gestured her head towards the door. Emily nodded her head before hurrying around her office and cleaning up quickly before grabbing her bag. JJ watched as Emily did her entire process of checking that she got everything before making her way out of the door. 

"God, I haven't been here in a while. I hope Rachel is still there," Emily said and looked out the window as JJ drove. The raven-haired woman's eyes sparkled as she looked at all the passing places and people.

"I'm sure she is. She loved that place too much to leave it," JJ said and looked over at Emily briefly. The blonde woman gently grabbed onto Emily's hand as she drove. Both women were too shy in that moment to say anything. 

"How long can I steal you for?" Emily asked and swallowed hard. JJ picked up on the slight bitterness in Emily's voice. The raven-haired woman was trying to be neutral about this situation, but sneaking around with someone wouldn't put anyone in a good mood.

"Let's say three hours. The boys will be asleep by then," JJ said and held on tighter to Emily's hand. The raven-haired woman nodded her head as she looked out the window. JJ couldn't ignore the small sad sigh that came out of Emily's mouth. "I know this is complicated, but I want to spend time with you. I hope the feeling is the same."

"JJ, I wouldn't be here if that wasn't the case," Emily said and ran her thumb over the back of JJ's hand. "I'm just trying to convince myself I'm not a bad person for messing around with a married woman."

"Emily, you are not a bad person," JJ said as she pulled into the parking lot. She immediately put the car into park and looked over at Emily. The blonde woman gently placed her finger on Emily's chin. JJ smiled softly at her, taking in every detail of Emily as she looked at her. "You are not a bad person."

JJ leaned forward and rested her forehead right against Emily's. The two of them just shut their eyes as they took in each other's warmth. JJ couldn't help herself as she gently grabbed onto Emily's face and kissed the woman.

Both women inhaled sharply as they kissed. Emily relaxed into the kiss and wrapped her arms around JJ's neck as the blonde woman's hands fell to her waist. JJ's hands balled around Emily's shirt before slipping underneath her shirt to touch her bare skin. Emily's hands gripped onto JJ's hair, trying to pull her closer. Their kiss started to get more frantic as the other tried to take over control of the kiss. Emily's teeth bit down gently on JJ's bottom lip before tugging it back. 

At this moment, both women were cursing the center console for being in the way of getting to the other. JJ's fingernails dragged across Emily's hip bone, eliciting a breathy moan from the raven-haired woman. 

"Okay," Emily said as she pulled away. JJ's lips found their way to Emily's neck. "If we continue, you're not going home at all."

"That wouldn't be too bad," JJ sang out and proceeded to kiss down Emily's neck. The raven-haired woman smiled as she pulled back and hovered her lips over JJ's. 

"We're not suppose to raise suspicions, remember?" Emily said and raised an eyebrow. JJ sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. "Come on."

The two women finally made their way out of the car, both opting to ignore the slightly fogged up windows. JJ gladly opened the door for Emily as the two stepped inside the familiar restaurant. 

"I've lived in DC my entire life, excluding the occasional travel to other countries, and I've never heard of Mike's," Emily said and looked around the restaurant. JJ smiled widely as she stirred her coffee. "You know, other than the hard lemonade."

"Well, it's amazing—"

"Do my eyes deceive me or is that Miss Jennifer Jareau?" an older man said as he walked over to the table. The blonde woman nodded her head as she stood up. "Oh, I've missed you around here."

Emily's eyes sparkled with curiosity as she watched the two of them hug it out. The older man was ecstatic to see JJ once again after a few years. 

"I couldn't be gone too long. I always find my way back," JJ said as she pulled away from the hug. Mike's eyes flicked down over at Emily as JJ turned to her. "My apologies. Emily, this is Michael Woodhouse, the owner of the diner. Mike, this is Emily Prentiss, she just started at the BAU."

"Nice to meet you, Michael," Emily said and extend her hand. Mike held a hand over his heart as he looked over at JJ. 

"Call me Mike. My friends call me that and anyone who's friends with Jenny is friends with me," Mike said as he gladly shook Emily's hand. "Now, I've got to go take care of some business outside the restaurant. Miss Rachel will take care of you. And don't worry, Jenny, you'll still the employee discount."

"You're a sweetheart, Mike. But, I'm good now. I'll pay for the meal in full," JJ said and slid into the booth. The older man squinted his eyes at JJ, making Emily laugh. "I'm serious! Go, go handle your boss things."

"Alright. I'll see you around Jenny and Emily," Mike said and waved off the two women. Emily raised an eyebrow curiously at JJ. 

"I went to Georgetown after I moved out of Pennsylvania. Let's just say I had to keep myself on my feet and support myself. Mike hired me on the spot and was understanding with my school schedule. He even offered to pay some of my books when I was really struggling," JJ said and smiled forcefully. Truthfully, nobody at the BAU had known about JJ's hard time at Georgetown. The blonde woman owes Mike an arm and a leg for helping her graduate earlier than everyone anticipated. "He's far much better than previous Michaels I've encountered."

"Is it okay if I ask?" Emily asked and tilted her head. JJ pursed her lips as she grabbed onto her coffee mug. 

"My father," JJ said simply and sipped on her coffee to avoid any other conversation. Emily clicked her tongue and held up her own mug.

"Here's to crappy fathers," Emily said and gestured her mug towards JJ. The blonde woman smiled shyly as she clinked her mug against Emily's. "Hopefully I'll find a better Robert at some point."

"Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss. What a pleasure to see the two of you again!" Rachel shouted as she made her way towards the two. She engulfed the two women into a tight hug and shut her eyes in gladness. 

"Hi, Rachie," Emily and JJ both said as they looked over at the other. Both losing oxygen from the tight hug.  

"Oh, let me get you a table. It's been a long time since the two of you have come in," Rachel said and pulled away from the two women. Both of them took a deep inhale of air as she pulled away. 

Rachel was the head waitress of the entire diner, even when JJ started out. The then thirty-four year old woman happily took the young eighteen year old JJ under her wing. Out of all the waitress that came and went from Mike's, Rachel's forever favorite was the Pennsylvania petite herself. 

Both Rachel and Mike raised an eyebrow when JJ started to bring Emily more frequently to the diner. They noticed the brightness in her eyes when they were together. It warmed their hearts to the point where they loved Emily just as much as JJ. 

However, of course, Rachel and Mike had heard about JJ getting married on the whim to Will. Both sent gifts of prosperity and JJ's favorite cherry pie as a congratulations. Both were proud to see the strong woman JJ had become right before their eyes. It still pained them that they hadn't heard from JJ in twelve years. 

"It's about time you started showing up around here again. I thought something might have happened to you, but Mike had faith you'd handle it," Rachel said as she placed two menus down on a booth by the window. "Can I get y'all the usual? Or something different?"

"The usual," both women said simultaneously as they slid into the booth. Rachel nodded her head before making her way to the kitchen. The fifty-nine year old still hadn't lost her rhythm with her waitressing. 

"God, it feels weird being here. I feel like I'm thirty-nine again," Emily said and chuckled. "Not much has changed."

"You think so?" JJ asked and tilted her head. "I think a lot has changed since then."

"Okay, I'll bite. Of course, besides the obvious, what else has changed, Jenny?" Emily asked and smiled slightly. JJ crossed her arms as she sat back in the booth seat. 

"Well, for starters, you have bangs," JJ said and chuckled softly. Emily rolled her eyes as she leaned onto the table. "And you just seem more present."

"Present?" Emily asked and squinted her eyes. 

"After years of bruises, cuts, and a whole lot of traumatic events, you seem to be more in the moment. You're more cautious. When you first started, you wanted to jump right into the field to make your impression. Now, you're the boss," JJ said and shrugged her shoulders. Emily poked her tongue against her cheek as she nodded her head. There was some truth behind JJ's words, she was stopping to smell the roses more often. "Your turn. What's something you think hasn't changed?"

"Hm, let's see," Emily said and ran her eyes over JJ's body. "Well, you still nag me from time to tim—"

"Woah, woah, woah," JJ said as she sat up and held a hand up. Emily laughed as she locked eyes with JJ. 

"Kidding," Emily said and put her hands up in surrender. "You still have that look in your eye. The one where we're trying to see through me. Like you're trying to read what I'm thinking so you can handle it before it's said."

"I don't do that," JJ said and squinted her eyes. Emily hummed as she tapped her knuckles against the table. 

"But I do have to say that there's one key thing that has changed," Emily said and leaned forward slightly. JJ mirrored her body language and placed her chin in her hand. "You're more comfortable."

"Comfortable?" JJ asked and raised her eyebrows. 

"You're a woman who's using her love for women as an empowerment, not as a burden anymore," Emily said and smiled softly at JJ. "You're sure of sexuality. You don't hide it anymore, or at least not with me. You're not ashamed of who you are now."

"I think you had a role in that," JJ said and swallowed hard as the table became the most interesting thing in the world. "I believe you told me to 'wake the fuck up because not everyone cares who you sleep with' after one of our fights."

"A little harsh, I will admit," Emily said and chuckled. "I'm sorry about that."

"I needed to hear it," JJ said and smiled softly. Their eyes finally met the other's. Both of them were hypnotized by the way the light was reflecting off of them. 

"Alright, here we go. Two coffees with extra hazelnut creamer. Two cookie crumble desserts in the oven along with the usual breakfast for dinner," Rachel said as she placed her tray on the stand. 

"Thank you, Rachie," JJ and Emily both said once all the food was placed in front of them. 

"You let me know if you need anything else," Rachel said and winked over at JJ. The red-headed woman was giving JJ encouragement to continue talking with Emily. Their order was simple enough to get out fast, but was held off when she saw the two of them talking. Rachel and the kitchen staff all snuck glanced at the two happy women. "She's got Jenny wrapped around her little finger."

Both women hummed as they took the first bite of their food. This was everything they wanted in a meal. Emily couldn't help but look over at JJ after each bite of her food, only to catch the blonde woman staring back at her.

Their entire meal was gone in fifteen minutes flat. With her stomachs now filled with food, JJ sat back against the booth with her eyes shut. Emily, however, had a different idea. 

"I have a question and it might be a stupid one," Emily asked as JJ opened her eyes. The blonde woman sat up and looked at Emily.

JJ carefully admired Emily's delicate features. She noticed the slight bag under Emily's eyes as she got older. As well as the smile lines that became more prominent with age. JJ loved seeing the small changing details in Emily's face. 

"What's your question?" JJ asked and finally locked eyes with the warm brown eyes. Emily pursed her lips nervously as she sighed. 

"What exactly happened when you were inside with Reid?" Emily asked and leaned over the table. JJ sighed softly and flicked her eyes over towards the kitchen. The staff that was watching them all turned away suddenly. 

JJ rubbed her ankle right against Emily's leg. The raven-haired woman raised an eyebrow as she felt the movement. 

"I can't hold your hand so this is what you're getting instead," JJ said to calm Emily's anxious nerves. "It's exactly what I wrote in the report, except there was one slight different."

"And that was?" Emily asked and ran her finger tip over the edge of the coffee mug. Now, JJ was the anxious one. It was one thing to act on these feelings without calling it what it was. But it was terrifying to admit that it's love when you're married to someone.

"I was told to confess something that I had never told anyone. A secret that was deep down, that I'd likely die with it," JJ said and sighed softly. "Since everyone was talking about Rossi's wedding, it started to bring back memories to the last BAU wedding. So when Penelope, Tara, Matt, and Luke had all these questions about why you moved to London, it just became a forefront thought."

"JJ," Emily said softly. She wanted nothing more than to reach across the table and hold onto JJ. The blonde woman looked like she was trying her hardest to not cry. 

"So when—when Casey had the gun to my head, I couldn't die without saying it. Just once," JJ said as her eyes were now glossy red. "I should have just said your name, but I needed you to hear it, not an audience. Spencer became a surrogate. And I—uh, I told him. Well, I told you that I've always loved you. I’m so in love with you. And if I could change my past decisions then I would have."

Emily's heart was beating out of her chest. All those nights of crying her heart to sleep, tossing memories around her apartment, screaming at the top of her lungs into her pillows, was all for nothing.

"I know the timing of it couldn't be worse. I'm married to a man who loves me, and I have two great kids. It should be enough but it's not," JJ said and swallowed hard. "I've been in love with you since the moment I met you. I was an absolute idiot for walking away. Leaving you was the second worse thing I have ever done."

"And the first?" Emily asked and kept her eyes down at the table. 

"Not having the guts to say this to you sooner," JJ said and leaned over the table. "I'm sorry if opening up about this is making everything far more complicated—"

The raven-haired woman reached out and placed her hand on top of JJ's. The blonde woman's eyes widened at the gesture.

"Did it made it complicated? Yes, but it's a dream to be loved by you, Jennifer Jareau," Emily said and curled her fingers around JJ's hand. The raven-haired woman wanted nothing more than to lean over and kiss JJ with everything in her. 

"I'm sorry," JJ said and curled her fingers around Emily's hand.

"It's okay," Emily said softly. 

"How are we doing here?" Rachel asked as she walked by the booth. Both women immediately let go of the other's hand. 

"Great and ready to pay," Emily said and grabbed her bag. JJ realized what was going to happen and tried to race Emily to get her money first. But, alas, JJ was only seconds behind Emily and handed Rachel sixty dollars cash. "Keep the change, Rachie."

"Really?" Rachel asked and furrowed her eyebrows. "The entire ticket was only thirty."

"I'm positive," Emily said and smiled softly at Rachel. The older woman thanked her profusely as JJ and Emily got up to leave. "Hopefully we'll be back soon. Sadly, there aren't Mike's all over the country."

JJ and Emily were walked to the diner door by Rachel. The red-headed woman was sad to see the two go so soon. 

"Rachie, I forgot to ask," JJ said as she turned towards the older woman. The red-headed woman tilted her head slightly. "Where's Mike?"

Rachel's eyes softened as she clasped her hands in front of her. "He's resting. His health has taken a turn for worse. We have to beg not to come in."

"Oh God, is there anything we can do?" JJ asked and looked back at Emily. Rachel pursed her lips. 

"He'll be fine, Jenny. The man is a rock. He's gone through years of hell, this probably won't even faze him," Rachel said and patted JJ's arm. "Now, go. It's getting late."

"Tell him to call me if he needs anything," JJ said and reached into her coat. She grabbed the newest card with the newest number and handed it to Rachel. "Thank you."

"Anything for family," Rachel said and ran her thumb over JJ's cheek. "Now go before I boot you out."

"Goodnight, Rachel."

JJ: "I adore simple pleasures. They are the last of refuge of the complex."

Chapter Text

"Thank you again for coming with me to pick up the boys," JJ said and looked over at the woman in her passenger seat.

"Anytime. Plus, I've been wanting to spend a little bit of time with you. I feel like you're always busy. Granted, our jobs keep us busy, but I just miss my beautiful barbie doll," Penelope said and grabbed onto JJ's hand. "Believe me, I get it. You work all day as a superhero and then turn into supermom and superwife when you get home."

Superwife. Well, not really.

Penelope didn't need to know that JJ was, in fact, not going home right away and instead going to her other home. Emily's apartment was now JJ's newest escape.

"It's tiring, but I wouldn't call myself a supermom or superwife," JJ said and chuckled nervously. Penelope looked over at her with her jaw dropped.

"Are you kidding?" Penelope asked and furrowed her eyebrows. "I've met plenty of bad moms and wives, Jay. You're not one of them."

"Thank you, Pen. I just don't—"

"Okay, what's going on with you?" Penelope asked and crossed her arms. JJ furrowed her eyebrows as she turned left onto the road. Right now, JJ wanted to be anywhere else in the world. "First, you start acting weird at Rossi's wedding. Second, you magically forget to tell your best friend in the whole entire freaking world that you're a batter for both teams. And thirdly, Spencer has been saying that you've been staying late for paperwork?"

"Penelope—"

"Believe me, I love Emily, but she should take your shackles of paperwork off every once and a while," Penelope said and sat up slightly. JJ's face read pure confusion as Penelope finally took a breath of air. "The same with herself."

"What exactly does Emily have to do with this?" JJ asked and flicked her eyes over to Penelope briefly. Granted, it wasn't unusual for the two to talk about their boss. It wasn't in any harmful context, Emily just needed to relax every now and then.

"You and her have been staying late! I'm worried about the two of you," Penelope said and sighed heavily. "But you know Emily. Her Virgo mars won't let her falter on her self-degrading habits. She's starting to act the same way like when she first joined the team. She was staying late and never really let any of us into her personal life."

"Do you think this has to do with Rose?" JJ asked calmly. She didn't want to raise too much suspicion with Garcia. The blonde woman was able to find anything in the world, no doubt she'd find something to link Emily and JJ together romantically at some point.

"Who's Rose?" Penelope asked and furrowed her eyebrows. JJ immediately wished that life had a reset button.

"Oh, nobody. I just wanted to see if—"

"No, no, no. You're not slipping that information pass me and expect me not to look into it," Penelope said and raised a finger as she pulled out her cellphone. JJ shut her eyes as she was praying that Penelope wouldn't find anything.

"Oh, great. We're here decently early," JJ said as she pulled into the school's parking lot. She was hoping Garcia's attention would be distracted.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Emily.

JJ flicked her eyes over to Penelope to see her deep in concentration. The blonde woman tapped her finger against the phone before hitting the answer button.

"Hey, Emily," JJ said slowly. The raven-haired woman furrowed her eyebrows at JJ's unusual tone.

"Hey, Jennifer," Emily repeated back before smiling slightly. "Listen, I just wanted to call and ask you if you wa—"

Just as Emily was finishing her sentence, Penelope snatched the phone out of JJ's hand.

"Emily Elizabeth Prentiss!" Penelope said and put Emily on speaker phone. The raven-haired woman's eyes widened as she pulled the phone away from her ear. She'd surely lose a bit of her hearing if she kept it closer.

Note to self, never call JJ on her days off. Just visit.

"Yes, Penelope Grace Garcia?" Emily said and shuffled around some papers in her hands nervously.

"Why wasn't I aware about a certain little rosita in your life?" Penelope asked and raised her eyebrows at the phone. Emily shut her eyes and ran a hand down her face. "I'm waiting."

"She's nobody, Penelope. She was just a friend who reached out and I denied the whole thing. Tara was right," Emily said and leaned back into her seat. She was praying at this moment that JJ didn't know who she was referring to. But of course, that's wishful thinking. "I really like her, but the timing is just off."

"So Tara, JJ, and I'm guessing Luke and Matt, all knew about this little flower in your life, but I didn't?" Penelope asked as she looked over at JJ. The blonde woman was stammering to say anything to Penelope. "Oh, that is low, Emily Prentiss. Low."

"She's not in my life anymore! So, there's no need to bug over someone who's not important," Emily said and immediately started to bite at her fingernails. She was hoping JJ would take in the context of her words as a way to just ward off Penelope. "I promise I will come to you about anyone who I'm seeing. Which is nobody at this current moment."

"I would still like a picture, or at the very least, a description," Penelope said and crossed an arm over her chest. Emily let out a puff of air as she tried to think quickly on her feet. Opposite of JJ.

"Tan-ish skin. Dark brown hair. Green eyes," Emily said and shrugged her shoulders. "And I'm sorry to break your little heart, but I don't have a picture of her. We had more of a secret romance. No pictures or phones allowed."

"Okay, you're off the hook this time. We have to go, the kiddos are coming out," Penelope said and handed JJ the phone. "Bye broody."

"Bye, Em," JJ said softly as she hung up the phone. Both Henry and Michael ran over to the car and jumped in, attacking both JJ and Penelope with hugs from behind.

Soon, the mother and sons said their goodbyes to Penelope when they dropped her off at home. JJ was finally able to breath as she waved off Garcia. That was a close call that only she was to blame for, but Penelope would find out about Rose eventually.

"Dad!" both boys shouted as they walked through the door. Will was sitting down on the couch as the rest of his family had gotten home.

"There they are!" Will shouted as he got up and caught the two boys running at him. The man lifted both of them up into his arms and over his shoulders. Both Henry and Michael squealed as Will swung them slightly side to side. He looked over and saw JJ standing there. "Boys, run up to your rooms. You gotta get your homework done so you can help mom and I with setting up for dinner."

"Okay!" both boys shouted as Will placed them down on the ground. JJ watched with a smile on her face as both her sons disappeared up the stairs. She didn't even realize how close her husband was until she felt an hand on her waist. JJ's eyes immediately locked with Will.

"Hi," Will said softly as he smiled at JJ. The man's hand came up and gently cupped JJ's face. "I feel like I haven't seen you in a while."

"Like an eternity," JJ said and nodded her head slightly. Needless to say, it was easier on her subconscious to be unfaithful to Will if she wasn't surrounded by the man twenty-four seven. Will didn't question the distance, he was understanding that JJ's job required so much of her. It still pained JJ to stay away.

"Well, I took the liberty of ordering some food from that little restaurant you like. Old Ebbitt Grill or something like that?" Will asked as he reached behind him and grabbed his phone. JJ's eyes widened as she looked down at him checking the receipt. "It should be here in a bit."

"Will, that place is expensive," JJ said and furrowed her eyebrows. "I could have bought some pizzas and beers for us instead. That's actually what I had planned."

"I know we could have done something simple, but you've been working so hard lately. You deserve a good, maybe even expensive, meal. You come home to me everyday exhausted, this was the least I could do," Will said and pulled JJ in closer. The man's eyes sparkled as he looked at JJ. "I love you so much. Let me take care of you for the rest of the day. Okay?"

JJ's heart ached as he wrapped his arms around her small frame. The blonde woman hesitated to wrap her arms around him. Every single inch of her skin was crawling with disgust with herself. JJ buried her face into Will's neck and inhaled his comforting scent. She hated herself so much for not being able to love him like before.

He wasn't Emily and Emily surely wasn't Will.

"Are you okay?" Will asked and furrowed his eyebrows. JJ shut her eyes tightly as she tried to push the image of Emily out of her mind. It broke her heart having to act like nothing was happening.

"Yeah," JJ said as she smiled against his shoulder. The blonde woman tried so hard to suppress the tears that were threatening to come out of her eyes. There was so much she wanted to say to him. The good, the bad, the confession, everything. "We need to talk."

"Mom?" Henry asked as he walked down the stairs. Of course, the boys were the only things stopping her from leaving him completely. JJ immediately pulled away from Will and wiped her eyes quickly. The blonde woman's heavy heart got heavier as Henry looked up on her with curious eyes. "Are you okay? Why are you crying?"

"I'm just a little stressed, is all. What was it you needed me for?" JJ said and smoothed out her son's hair. Henry looked back at Will who had an equally curious look on his face.

"I needed help with a school project," Henry said and locked his hands together in front of him. "It's easier if I just show it to you."

JJ nodded her head before tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She didn't hesitate to run up the stairs with her son. The blonde woman was thoroughly stunned when she was a poster on it with the words 'Agent Jareau' laying on his bed.

"What's this?" JJ asked and placed her hands on either one of Henry's shoulders.

"We needed to do a project for job appreciation day for social studies. I chose you," Henry said and smiled widely at his mother. The blonde woman smiled back at him before leaning over and seeing all the different pictures JJ had sent throughout the years of her travels. It was a habit that she had adopted once Henry was born. She'd send Will a picture of her on the jet or in front of a monument in whichever city she was in. It warmed her heart to see all the pictures plastered everywhere on his bed, waiting to be glued onto the poster board.

"I will get the hot glue gun ready. What else did you need for this project?" JJ asked and ruffled her son's hair.

"Just a one page paper on what it is you do. I think I can handle that portion of it," Henry said and nodded his head cautiously. "I'd just need you to help me proofread it just in case."

"Of course," JJ said and ran her thumb over Henry's chin.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

The blonde woman sighed softly as she reached into her back pocket. Henry was praying that it wasn't a case that would send his mother away once again. It was a rare instance when JJ got to be home longer than three days.

"This is Agent Jareau," JJ said as she patted Henry's shoulder and walked out of the room.

"Someone is being formal," Emily said and smiled widely into the phone. JJ's eyebrows raised as she heard the woman's voice. For a moment in time, she had completely forgotten everything else in the world besides her son. "You okay?"

"Yeah, Henry just wanted me to help with a school project. My mind is all over the place," JJ said and glanced back at her son. He was busy arranging the pictures that he liked in a certain way for the poster board. "So what did you need?"

"Right. Uh, you forgot to fill out the family details on the latest file that was brought to my office. If you could do that as early as you can tomorrow morning?" Emily asked and tapped her knuckles against the desk. "I'd do it, but I'm exhausted and my bed is calling my name."

"Of course. Go get some rest, you really need it," JJ said and smiled shyly into the phone. Emily refrained from any sexual comments that would get her in trouble tomorrow. "Goodnight Emily."

"Goodnight Jennifer," Emily said sarcastically before hanging up the phone. The moment she did, Emily slumped back into her chair. Truthfully, Emily was just looking for a reason to call the blonde woman. That little green monster of jealousy was creeping back in at this time.

JJ was at her perfect house, with her perfect kids, and perfect husband. All Emily wanted was to be a part of that perfection that was Jennifer Jareau's life. Sadly, that wasn't the case. Emily saw herself as far away from perfection as one could get. There was a small voice in the back of her head that belittled her and JJ's relationship. She'd never be good enough for JJ no matter how hard she worked. Or, so it seemed like it.

The raven-haired woman stood up from her desk and grabbed her bag. She didn't even think twice as she walked out of the doors of the bullpen and out of the building.

"You guys owe your dad a big thank you for the dinner he got all of us," JJ said and happily placed her dish in the sink. The two boys immediately got up and crashed into Will, thanking him profusely for the food. Will smiled as he planted a kiss on either of his sons' heads. "Now run upstairs and get ready for bed. I'll be up in a minute."

Will carefully made his way up to his wife and placed his plate in the sink. JJ smiled as she felt him wrap his arms around her waist. He kissed JJ's shoulder lovingly as he shut his eyes. It was moments like this he missed with JJ. It seemed like she was always gone now for work, so he was taking advantage of every small moment he had with her.

"You know you don't have to do the dishes. We have a dishwasher for that reason," Will said and chuckled slightly. JJ leaned her head onto his and smiled softly. "Just load them up, they'll be fine."

"Yeah, yeah," JJ said and shook her head. Will had pulled away from her as she grabbed a plastic bag and emptied the small remainder of food left on the plates. The man watched JJ carefully, there was something off about her but he couldn't put his finger on it. "Can you throw this in the trash for me while I load up the dishwasher?"

"Yes ma'am," Will said and kissed the side of JJ's head as he grabbed the bag.

"Remember, right is for recycling. You're constantly throwing trash in the right bin," JJ said and grabbed some of the dishes. Will smiled as he tossed the bag into the trash.

"Well, aren't I so lucky to have a wife that remembers my mistakes," Will said and laughed lowly. The blonde woman shook her head as a smile crept up on her face. "So, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about? It sounded important."

"Yeah, so I wanted to talk to you about E—"

Ring. Ring. Ring.

JJ shut her eyes as she was saved by the mobile bell. She grabbed her phone and saw that it was a missed call from Penelope. A series of text messages followed shortly behind the call.

Penelope: I think I found out who Rose is.

Penelope: I'm here at a bar because I wanted a perfectly good and healthy adult drink. I was about to get up to leave when I saw someone who looked eerily similar to Emily at the bar. So me being me, I waited until she turned around so I could get a better look. It was Emily! She's here at that little gay bar off of 17th street and Church street. But, get this, she's here with someone. The lady has brunette hair and is kinda petite. She reminds me of that waitress from the restaurant. Remember the one who gave Emily her number but she didn't call her? I may be reading too much into it, but Emily seems to like whoever it is that she's with. I think I cracked it!!!

JJ's eyebrows raised as she read the text message from Penelope over and over again. Emily had said that she wanted to go home to sleep, but now she was at a bar with a mystery woman. Now it was JJ's turn for the green monster of jealousy to come out in her.

Was Emily lying about going home? Was the mystery woman just a random girl at the bar? Whoever she was, she needed to find out now.

JJ: Can you send me a picture?

"Sorry, it's Penelope and her girl problems," JJ said to Will as she sat on a stool. The man nodded his head as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "And I was uh, just—I think that I'm going to ask Emily for a few days off and we can do a surprise trip for the boys."

"For summer?" Will asked and furrowed his eyebrows.

"Yeah it might be fun," JJ said dismissively. Her sole concern right now was what was going on with Emily. She didn't want to tell Will the truth just yet, especially if Emily and her weren't going to work out in the long run.

Penelope: That's the best I can do

JJ immediately downloaded the picture and zoomed in to see that familiar smile. Whoever this woman is, she's sure making an impression with Emily. That alone made JJ's skin crawl with a mixture of jealousy and anger.

"Well, when you're done with Penelope, I'll be upstairs," Will said and kissed JJ's cheek before making his way up the stairs. The blonde woman shut her eyes as she tried to calm herself down from the abundance of overwhelming emotions she was facing.

JJ shut her door to her car, making her way over towards the elevator in the parking garage. She managed to catch the elevator as a man held his hand over the sensor for her. The blonde woman sighed as she stepped in and immediately grabbed her phone.

"Hold the elevator!" someone shouted as the doors slowly closed. JJ immediately placed her arm between the closing doors and smiled softly at the stranger. That smile quickly faded when she realized who the stranger was with.

"Thank you," Emily said as she and the mystery brunette woman stepped in. JJ raised her eyebrows as she clung to Emily like a leech. The blonde woman kicked herself further when she accidentally dropped her phone in between the two women.

"I got it," the brunette woman said and grabbed JJ's phone. The blonde woman thanked her softly as her eyes immediately shot down to her badge on her shirt.

Clara Seger.

"Thank you, Clara," JJ said with a rather forceful smile. Really, she had no right to be jealous. She just got with Will a little less than a month ago. Besides, she didn't know if they were together or not.

The elevator halted at the fifth floor and the brunette woman turned towards Emily. The raven-haired woman softly kissed Clara before smiling against her lips.

"Have a good day. I'll see you at seven," Emily whispered just loud enough for JJ to hear. The blonde woman ridiculed the whisper in her head along with cursing at herself for not taking the stairs.

The brunette woman left the elevator, unknowingly causing the most awkward situation for both of them.

"So are you two together?" JJ asked as the elevator doors shut. The raven-haired woman clenched her jaw slightly at the question. Luckily for them, the elevator was already on the sixth floor.

"It's really none of your business," Emily said over her shoulder as the elevator doors opened.

"Mom?" Michael called from the top of the stairs. JJ immediately snapped out of her daydream and looked up at her son. The blonde woman got up and made her way towards Michael. JJ kissed his cheek sweetly before lifting him up in her arms.

"Come on, sweetie. Let's get you to bed," JJ said as she cradled her son close to her. The feeling of sadness was now creeping into JJ's heart.

God, what was Emily doing?

Spencer: "And maybe that was love. Being so vulnerable and allowing someone else in so far they could hurt you, but they also give you everything." Christine Feehan.

Chapter Text

Matt: "There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact." Arthur Conan Doyle. 

"Good morning," Emily said as she walked into the bullpen. Six of the seven agents responded with an equally happy hello to their boss. Emily noticed that JJ didn't even look her way when she walked in. "We have a case in Los Angeles. Give me a few minutes to speak with the local P.D. and I will see you all at the round table."

The entire team nodded their heads as they all got up and made their way towards the conference room. JJ was about to walk in when she was grabbed by her wrist and pulled back.

"Hey," Spencer whispered and smiled softly at JJ. "You okay? You've been a little quiet all morning."

"Yeah, sorry. It's just been a lot that's happening," JJ said and looked over her shoulder to see the team all distracted. The blonde woman also curiously looked over at Emily's office to see the woman on the phone. "Emily was with someone last night at the bar."

"What are you talking about?" Spencer asked and furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you sure you're not over analyzing this?"

"Do you seriously not remember who you're talking to? Do you remember what we do for a living?" JJ asked under her breath. "Penelope sent me a picture of Emily at the bar with a woman when she told me she was going home to sleep. It's kind of hard to not jump to that conclusion. It's just a weird situation throughout, but I just have a bad feeling about this."

"So you guys are—"

"I'm not even sure what to call it myself," JJ said and sighed softly. Her eyes fell down to the wedding ring that was still on her finger. It nearly felt like the ring was burning her skin. "I don't even know why I'm feeling like this. We aren't together officially. This entire situation is just a weird thing. I'm not even thinking straight, Jesus Christ."

"Why don't you just ask Emily? Maybe it wasn't how you're perceiving it was. Maybe it was just a stranger at a bar. Emily is a social person," Spencer said and shrugged his shoulders. JJ ran her hand down the side of her face as she tried to calm herself from lashing out or crying. Spencer glanced over at the raven-haired woman's office and saw her walk out. "Heads up."

"Walk. Walk away now," JJ said as she tried to shovel Spencer with her to move faster into the conference room.

"JJ," Emily called out. The blonde woman shut her eyes as she stopped in her tracks. Emily raised her eyebrows when JJ turned back with a confused, angry, and somewhat sad expression on her face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Peachy," JJ said, obviously not convincing Emily one bit and of course knowing that. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Spence, can you give us a little space?" Emily asked over at the man behind JJ. He flicked his eyes back and forth between JJ and Emily before nodding his head.

"Emily is this really—"

"Did something happen at home? You normally only get this upset after a fight with Will," Emily said and tilted her head to the side. She looked over JJ's shoulder and saw the team all occupied with themselves. "And just for the record, I would have told you that as your friend. Even before all of this."

"It wasn't Will," JJ said and crossed her arms. "I really don't feel like talking about this."

"Alright," Emily said as she put her hands up in surrender. "But we're talking about this when we get to the hotel. Understood?"

"Of course," JJ said and smiled forcefully. Emily gestured towards the door, which JJ gladly walked through. The raven-haired woman stood back and watched JJ sit at the round table. Something was bothering the blonde woman but she'd never tell Emily. That was just how JJ was.

"Alright. We're headed to the lovely Los Angeles, California," Emily said as she walked into the room. The rest of the team all nodded their heads as they flipped through the files in their hands.

The next few days were hell for both women. It seemed like they were two negatively charged sides of a battery that were constantly repelling the other. When JJ would get too close, Emily would move away. When the raven-haired woman got to close, her lover would take a few steps back. It had gotten painfully obvious that both Luke and Spencer noticed after the third day on the case.

JJ was on edge each time she and Emily went back to their shared hotel room. The blonde woman would find any excuse to take a long time in the restroom or to go to bed early. Strangely enough, Emily didn't fight JJ to talk at all. This worried JJ for a number of reasons, but she couldn't shake the fact that Emily lied to her face.

"I'm glad we caught that young girl in time," Emily said as she and JJ walked into their hotel room. The blonde woman hummed in agreement as she sat at the edge of her bed, taking off her shoes. "Okay, let's talk. You've been avoiding this conversation since we got here."

"Is that why you insisted on another night?" JJ asked and smiled softly. Emily raised an eyebrow as she cocked her head to the side. That was a yes. "Figures."

"I wanted to know everything before we got back home. I've obviously done something to upset you. I can't remember you even looking at me throughout this entire case," Emily said as she sat across from JJ on her bed. "Let's talk now."

"I'm exhausted, Emily. I just spent three hours chasing an unsub in the woods. Can we please hold off on this conversation?" JJ asked and ran her hands down her face. "I don't want to talk about anything."

"No," Emily said and crossed her arms. "You're not going to run from this conversation anymore. I can't stand here and act like I did something wrong when, in reality, I have no fucking idea!"

"Were you seeing another woman?" JJ asked as her eyes now had fire in them. Emily scoffed as she furrowed her eyebrows.

"Excuse me?" Emily asked and tilted her head to the side.

"Answer the question," JJ said and clenched her jaw. She crossed her arms and stared deep into Emily's soul. "Are you or are you not seeing another woman? This situation that is going on is only going to work if we're honest with each other."

"No," Emily said and clenched her jaw. "Why, and how, did you get that little fantasy idea in your head?"

"Penelope said that you were at the bar with a woman. I saw a picture of the two of you together and the both of you seemed close. This was right after I got off the phone with you about how you were going home to get some sleep. Somehow, magically, you end up at a bar?" JJ asked and crossed her legs. "This situation is weird and unique, but I need to know if you're in fully."

"That is rich," Emily said through her teeth. "You jumped to a conclusion without even stopping and thinking who that woman was! Seriously?"

"Then who was it! I wasn't the only one acting weird throughout the entire case. You've been dodging me each time we're in a room together, especially today. You're freaking me out by doing that. What am I supposed to think, Emily?" JJ asked as she stood up and paced away from Emily. The raven-haired woman didn't say a word as she stood up and made her way towards JJ. "Just tell me the truth."

"It was Clara," Emily said coldly as she looked at JJ. The blonde woman scoffed as she ran a hand through her hair. "There. Are you happy?"

"I knew it," JJ said before running her tongue over her top teeth. "And how exactly is that better?"

"I didn't plan to see her. She saw me at the bar. She said hi and sat down with me. We ordered some drinks and some food from the bar, since she saw how exhausted I was. You know, sometimes exes who end on good terms are able to sit down and have a conversation," Emily said as she clasped her hands behind her back. "That's exactly what Clara and I were doing. We talked about work, her travels, and new things going on in our lives over some innocent drinks and food. After, I went home and fell asleep."

"Why were you at the bar in the first place?" JJ asked and placed her hands in her back pockets.

"Because of you," Emily said bluntly. JJ was immediately taken back by the straightforward answer. "I forgot that I'm a call girl to you. I forgot that I'm just the mistress that you get to pick and choose when you want to have relations with. I forgot that you have a husband and two perfect boys at home waiting for you every night. So I went to the bar for a drink, sue me."

"That's not fair," JJ said softly. Emily chuckled bitterly as she crossed her arms.

"Which part? You having a husband or me always being your second choice?" Emily asked as turned her back to JJ. She grabbed her coat and quickly slipped it on.

"You placing all this on me is unfair. You think it makes me feel good that my husband and my kids hold me on a pedestal when I am miserable? If it was up to me, I would never go home. You, out of all people, should know that my kids need me. I'm sorry if that's too much for you, but you knew exactly what you were getting into with me," JJ said and clenched her jaw. "I want to be selfish and let go of everything that is making me miserable, but I can't. I have my kids to think about."

"Your kids mean the world to me, JJ. I don't want to be the monster that broke apart their parents. But, I deserve to not have my head spin at what I can and can't do with you," Emily said as she slipped on her coat. "I am not going to stand here and be lectured like a child over a drink with a friend when you're cheating on your husband."

JJ felt as though she was shot through the heart at that exact moment. She felt like she was transported back in time when Emily and her had that huge fight over Will.

"Where are you going?" JJ asked softly as she walked up to Emily.

"Out. Do I need permission for that too?" Emily asked as she looked back at JJ. The raven-haired woman slammed the door shut as she walked out of the hotel room. JJ sat onto the bed and buried her hands into her hair. She shut her eyes tightly as she laid back onto the bed.

"JJ?" Emily asked softly. The blonde woman opened her eyes and saw Emily there with two mugs in her hands. "Can I sit here?"

"Of course," JJ said and sat up in her seat. Her legs curled up on the chair as Emily sat right next to her. The raven-haired woman slid over one of the mugs. "Hi."

"Hi," Emily said softly before sipping on her coffee. Her eyes glanced around to the rest of the quiet jet. The team left Alaska abruptly tonight due to Strauss's wishes. JJ and Emily were about to start undressing each other for the first time when Derek knocked on their door to inform them that they were leaving in an hour. Needless to say, both women were upset. "We should talk about what happened."

JJ looked over at Emily and couldn't help but glance at her lips. Now that she knew what they felt like, she wanted nothing more than to lean over and taste them again. The raven-haired woman noticed the stare and felt her entire body heat up. Emily leaned forward until her brain reminded her where she was, making her quickly pull back.

"We can go to Mike's when we land," JJ said softly as she glanced at the rest of the sleeping team. The blonde woman's eyes landed right back to Emily who was staring at her with such desire in her eyes. JJ threw caution into the wind as she reached over and grabbed Emily's face, kissing her softly. The two women immediately melted into the other. Emily's hands fell to JJ's waist, trying to pull her closer. The raven-haired woman pulled back as she kept her eyes shut.

"If we continue, I'm not going to be able to control myself," Emily whispered and ran her hand over JJ's legs. The blonde woman nodded her head slightly as she leaned her forehead against Emily's. She couldn't help the smile that took over her face. "What?"

"Come over," JJ said softly. Emily's dark brown eyes turned completely dark with lust. "There's a few things you need to show me."

"Yeah?" Emily asked as a smile formed on her lips. JJ hummed as she nodded her head. The two were about to connect in a kiss when they heard someone move around on the other side of the jet. Both practically pushed the other away. They tried to hold back the smiles and small giggles, but eventually they cracked.

"Are you tired?" JJ whispered as she leaned her head back against the chair. The raven-haired woman yawned at that moment which made JJ smile. "Come here."

"What?" Emily asked and furrowed her eyebrows. JJ put down her feet, before shifting slightly and patting the top of her chest. "Someone can wake up."

"Then I will tell them that you fell asleep on my shoulder. You just moved over slightly," JJ said and wrapped her arm around Emily. The raven-haired woman let her pull her in. She gently lowered her head on JJ's chest, practically holding her breath the entire time. She felt the blonde woman's hand caress over her back to help her relax. "Breathe, Em."

"Right," Emily said softly. The raven-haired woman shut her eyes slowly. Hearing JJ's heart beating is what soothed Emily.

"Thank you," JJ whispered. Emily furrowed her eyebrows as she looked up at the blonde woman.

"For what?" Emily asked. She couldn't help but get lost in those crystal blue eyes. JJ placed her hand on the side of Emily's face before leaning down. JJ kissed the raven-haired woman softly. She could practically feel her childhood heal within herself.

"For making me feel safe enough to do that," JJ whispered as she stroked her thumb over Emily's cheek. She noticed the tint of pink that slowly appeared on Emily's cheeks. "We can talk more after you sleep. Maybe over some breakfast for dinner?"

"You know the key to my heart already," Emily said as she smiled softly. JJ chuckled and shook her head.

As soon as they landed, it didn't take long for Emily and JJ to make their way to JJ's car. They said their quick goodbyes to the rest of the team before boarding the car. The blonde haired would sneak glances at Emily as she slept. Sure, JJ was excited to explore this non-official relationship with Emily, but her feelings were deeper than she'd care to admit. There was something about the raven-haired woman that felt warm to JJ. She knew in some way that her and Emily were meant to cross paths.

"We're here," JJ said softly as she shook Emily gently. The raven-haired woman examined her surroundings before yawning. "Do you still want dinner?"

"I'll help you cook," Emily said as she smiled softly at JJ. The raven-haired woman took a deep breath in as she reached over and grabbed JJ's hand. The two of them were quiet with the other. They didn't know what to say, but both were red in the face at the hand holding. JJ shifted in the driver seat as she leaned forward slightly. She was hesitant to lean in further, thinking she might scare Emily away. "You can't."

"I can't do what?" JJ asked as she looked into Emily's deep chocolate brown eyes.

"You can't scare me away," Emily said and leaned forward slightly. The blush on JJ's cheeks deepened as she realized either she said it out loud, or Emily could read her mind. "I just don't want to scare you away. This is your first time experiencing something like this."

"If I want to do it with anyone, I want to do it with you," JJ said softly. The raven-haired woman's entire soul melted at those words. Emily leaned forward and gave JJ an aching kiss. She waited since she started at the BAU for the younger woman. Now, it felt like a fever dream that she could kiss her like this.

JJ's hands snuck up into Emily's hair, pulling her closer as she could get her. The raven-haired woman unbuckled JJ's seat belt and pulled the blonde woman towards her. The two lovers started to kiss more intensely. JJ was so close to pulling Emily in the back seat until Emily pulled away.

"I don't want our first time to be in the backseat of your car," Emily said and smiled as she leaned her forehead against JJ's. The blonde woman nodded her head as she unbuckled Emily's seatbelt.

"Then come on," JJ said as she grabbed her bag from the backseat. The two women stumbled into JJ's apartment with their lips latched onto the other. JJ slammed Emily into the nearest wall as their bags were dropped to the floor. The raven-haired woman stripped JJ of her jacket quickly.

"Come here," Emily said as she grabbed JJ's waist. The blonde woman jumped up into Emily's arms, wrapping herself around the older woman. The two women stumbled into JJ's bedroom. Emily carefully set down JJ as the blonde woman tried to rip off Emily's clothes. "Are you sure about this?"

JJ pulled away and grabbed onto Emily's face. The blonde woman got lost in her nearly black eyes. JJ sighed softly before flipping them over suddenly. Emily looked up in shock as she saw JJ reach down and take off her shirt. The raven-haired woman watched as JJ undid the clip her bra, never taking her eyes off Emily in the process.

JJ slipped off Emily's lap, unbuttoned her pants, and kicked off her shoes. The raven-haired woman's eyes trailed down as JJ stripped herself of the rest of her clothing.

"If I remember correctly, I'm supposed to be taking off your clothes," Emily said as she licked her dry lips. She didn't think any of this was real. JJ made her way towards Emily, settling herself in her lap once again.

"Put your hands on me, Emily," JJ said as she leaned down and kissed just below the woman's earlobe. Emily was in heaven as she finally felt JJ's bare skin against her hands. She tugged JJ closer by her hips. The blonde woman made her way down Emily's neck with sloppy, needy kisses.

"I can't promise I'll go gentle on you," Emily said softly as her hands explored JJ's naked body. It felt like a sin to touch JJ like this. But Emily couldn't help it. She wondered what JJ would feel like under her hands, what she would sound like with her own name on her tongue, and what she would taste like.

"Then don't," JJ whispered. "I trust you, Emily. Nothing in the world could change that."

JJ woke up from her daydream with a jolt. She looked around the empty hotel room she was in. Her work clothes were still on her body. The only difference is the note that was on Emily's bed.

The blonde woman sat up and grabbed it. She really didn't want to open this note. JJ didn't want to know how badly she fucked up with her jealousy.

With Tara. I don't want to fight anymore.

JJ sighed as she shut her eyes. She couldn't be mad at Emily, she understood why she wouldn't want to come back. JJ couldn't be mad at Clara, she knew it was in good heart to spark that conversation with Emily. And she couldn't be mad at Penelope for sending that picture.

The only person she was allowed to be mad at was herself. The blonde woman wanted to scream at the top of her lungs and cry her heart out. But that's pitying herself, she didn't even deserve that.

"Own up to it, Jareau. Own up to it," JJ said under her breath as she buried her face in her hands.

Penelope: "The thing about loving someone is that yelling at them only feels good while you're doing it—as soon as they're gone, all you want to do is take it all back." Lauren Barnholdt. 

Chapter Text

Rossi: "For she had eyes and chose me." William Shakespeare.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Come in!" Roslyn yelled from the other side of her door. A young JJ walked in and smiled forcefully at her sister. "What's up JJ?"

"Mom and dad are fighting again. I don't want to hear them anymore," JJ said as she held her hands in front of her body. "Can I stay here with you? Your room is further away from theirs than mine."

"Of course," Roslyn said and patted the spot next to her. JJ smiled brightly before settling herself on her sister's bed. The young girl placed her head on her sister's shoulder. "I know fighting is scary. Doesn't matter who it's with."

"I know. I just can't sit in my room and listen to them. It makes me too sad. They won't ever understand that," JJ said softly. Roslyn looked down at her sister before pulling away.

"But you know who does?" Roslyn asked and held onto her sister's hand. "I do. I understand being so sad about them fighting. But there's some things that I do that help."

"Like what?" JJ asked and tilted her head to the side.

Roslyn stood up and made her way over to her desk. She grabbed a small journal with a brown leather cover.

"I like to write down everything I feel. It helps get my thoughts in order," Roslyn said and opened the journal. "Sometimes I burn the pages out in the back yard. It helps me realize that all these emotions don't have to have a hold on me."

"Do you burn all of them?" JJ asked and shuffled around to sit with her legs crossed.

"No, but I always make sure to write them down," Roslyn said and walked back over to her desk. She did a bit of searching before finally finding another journal. "Here. This one's empty. I just had mom buy it the other day."

"So I just write what I feel?" JJ asked and furrowed her eyebrows. Roslyn chuckled as she nodded her head. "And what if I don't know what to feel? What do I do then?"

"You bring yourself back to reality so you can feel. I like to play soccer and then go down to Old man Smith's for a milkshake. I come home and then I write it out," Roslyn said and shrugged her shoulders. "Everyone is different with how they cope, JJ. You're a strong girl, you'll always figure it out. I'll be here with you to help."

"Thank you," JJ said as she grabbed the coffee from the barista. The blonde woman was out of the house earlier than usual. There were two people that were currently occupying her mind. One was Roslyn, the other being Emily. JJ wished that she could get her sister's advice about Emily and their situation. To JJ, her sister always knew what to say.

It has been officially a week since the entire fight with Emily. The blonde woman tried several times to apologize to Emily, but it seemed like something always came up. JJ bought the entire team lunch, brought daily coffees, and finished her files early for Emily. Obviously, these gestures didn't go unnoticed by the raven-haired woman, but she just didn't know what to say.

JJ had made it to the office and sat at her desk. She pulled out a small journal with a leather covering. She flipped the pages that were filled with all her emotions. It wasn't the same book as Roslyn had gifted her when she was a young girl but it was close enough.

Unlike Roslyn, JJ couldn't burn her thoughts. Like in reality, the blonde woman would sit with her thoughts, and rarely ever cracked from the pressures. Plus, JJ didn't want to destroy the first journal she had. It was one of the last things that she had of Roslyn.

The blonde woman scribbled down her thoughts. They didn't make much sense if anyone else were to read them, but to JJ they made perfect sense. She would take a break from time to time, sipping on her coffee, and scavenging the cabinets in the kitchen area for a granola bar.

"JJ?" Emily called out as she looked over at the blonde woman. JJ snapped her head up and smiled shyly as she looked at Emily. The raven-haired woman had two trays of coffees in her hands and a bag wrapped around her forearm. "Reid decided to take a lot of his files home. He was asking if you could help him when I saw him in the garage."

"Yeah, of course," JJ said and smiled forcefully before leaving the bullpen. Emily glanced over her shoulder as she watched JJ get into the elevator. The two women locked eyes with each other as the doors closed.

Emily sighed softly as she walked over to the blonde woman's desk. She placed the coffees down on Spencer's desk carefully before placing the box of assorted goodies on JJ's desk. She saw a familiar leather journal open on the desk. Emily didn't think anything of it until she saw what looked to be her name scribbled on the page.

The raven-haired woman looked back at the doors of the bullpen. She waited a second to hear if anyone was coming before leaning over and reading the sentence her name was mentioned in.

I feel like I keep messing everything up with Emily. I dragged her into a difficult situation that feels like it's only getting worse. The last thing I want to do is hurt her again. I'd never forgive myself if I did. I need to—

Emily looked back and didn't hear anyone approaching. The raven-haired woman carefully flipped the page and was met with nothing. Of course she caught JJ in the middle of writing an important page. She couldn't just ask JJ what she meant by the last sentence. Emily invaded her privacy by reading her journal, the blonde woman could never find out.

She was about to flip the page back to start at the beginning of today's thoughts when the elevator dinged. Emily quickly flipped the journal back to its original page before grabbing a coffee. The raven-haired woman turned quickly and placed one on Tara's desk.

"I don't know why you decided it'd be a good idea to do your files all at once," JJ said and shook her head as she carried the large stack. The two agents both crashed all the files onto Spencer's desk.

"I thought it was a good idea," Spencer said and huffed as he shook his arms back to life. "But I finished them!"

"How did you even get them home in the first place? You take the metro," Emily asked and furrowed her eyebrows. Spencer pursed his lips as he leaned against his desk.

"Matt and Luke helped me load everything into Matt's car. Kristy wished me good luck when she saw all the files on a video call," Spencer said and nodded his head. JJ and Emily both chuckled as they placed a hand on their forehead.

"Well, I'm glad you did them all, but you're going to hate me. I need to review them in my office before signing them," Emily said and smiled forcefully. The two younger agents dropped their heads in disappointment as they started to gather all the files once again.

After three trips of carrying files back and forth in lighter loads, the two young agents dropped the final files on Emily's desk. The raven-haired woman smiled as she thanked them kindly. JJ turned and was about to walk out of the office when Emily instinctively grabbed her arm.

"Can you and I talk during lunch?" Emily asked quietly as Spencer sorted the files neatly for Emily. The blonde woman looked over her shoulder at Emily and nodded her head.

The two young agents finally made their way down to their desks, sitting with a huff. JJ sat up in her seat and noticed her journal wide open still. The blonde woman panicked and quickly shut the book. She glanced up at Emily's office and noticed the older woman deep into reading the files.

Maybe she didn't read it.

A couple of hours passed as the rest of the team trickled in one after the other. They were having a good time talking over breakfast pastries when Emily walked out. The team all raised their eyebrows in curiosity. "I didn't expect us to have a case, but Atlanta needs us. We'll debrief on the plane."

The team didn't waste any time gathering their things and heading to Atlanta. The team had gotten there close to mid afternoon. By nightfall, they all were stuck, exhausted, and confused about this case. Emily had told the team that they'd retire for the night and piled into the SUVs to head to the hotels. Needless to say, JJ was nervous once again. She didn't know what to expect with Emily and her staying in hotel rooms anymore.

When they arrived, JJ noticed that the two of them had a balcony. Emily grabbed one of the glasses and filled it up with water from the sink. She was about to call for JJ to use the bathroom before she realized the blonde woman was lost in the view from their balcony. The blonde woman was bent over the railing, her eyes fascinated by the city life.

Sure, the younger woman had seen various other cities but it just seemed surreal to her. She grew up in a rural town with nothing but woods surrounding it. Now, she was an adult working in a variety of big cities. JJ knew her younger self would be glad that she found her way here. Roslyn would especially be proud of her for leaving her hometown.

Emily carefully walked out onto the balcony. JJ glanced over at her before turning her attention back to the view. The two didn't say anything as they stood in a comfortable silence with the other. JJ finally stood up straight, rolling her shoulders back as she stood tall. Her father's ex-military discipline would creep out of her every now and then.

"I'm sorry," JJ said softly as she held her hands in front of her. She swallowed harshly as she looked at Emily. The raven-haired woman saw the tears forming in her eyes. "This dynamic we have is weird. I feel like I'm messing everything up. Like I can't do anything right. So I'm sorry for all of this."

The raven-haired woman finished the last of the water in her glass before setting it down on the small table outside. She carefully made her way over to JJ. Emily placed her hands on their side of JJ's face. The look in her eyes was a mixture of curiosity, love, and sadness.

"Come here," Emily whispered. JJ leaned in hesitantly. The raven-haired woman glanced down at her lips before going back up to her eyes. "I accept your apology. I'm sorry for what I said to you as well. You're right, it wasn't fair."

"No, you're right. I'm sorry for making you feel like that," JJ said as she carefully placed her hands on Emily's waist. The raven-haired woman got lost in the familiar blue eyes she fell in love with. "I'm so sorry, Emily."

"It's okay," Emily said softly. Her thumbs stroked over JJ's cheeks. The older woman studied each inch of JJ's face. She knew every wrinkle that was on her face, she just loved admiring JJ. She was perfect. "Come here."

JJ let herself be pulled in by Emily. The blonde woman tilted her head as she and Emily kissed. Her hands subconsciously rubbed over Emily's hips as their kiss didn't end. The older woman's hands slipped down and guided JJ's hands underneath her shirt. Their kiss got more desperate as JJ finally felt Emily's skin for the first time in a few weeks.

The blonde woman inhaled sharply as her fingers dragged over Emily's skin. The raven-haired woman's teeth gently bit down on JJ's lip, pulling away slightly before letting it go. JJ watched as Emily smirked slightly.

"You need to get inside and lay down," JJ said softly as she leaned in and kissed Emily once again. However, the raven-haired woman trapped her at the corner of the balcony as their kiss deepened.

"No, we're staying out here," Emily said and placed a hand on JJ's cheek. The blonde woman felt Emily's other hand go under her shirt, unclasping her bra in one quick motion.

"Emily, what if someone sees?" JJ said as she turned her head to scan the surrounding balconies. There was bound to be someone out there. It was in the middle of the city during the night.

"Then let them see," Emily said and pulled JJ's face to make her look at her. The blonde woman didn't realize that Emily managed to undo her belt without any obvious movement. "We'll be quick."

JJ grabbed onto Emily's face as she kissed her once again, practically flinging herself onto Emily. The two women held onto each other momentarily before Emily's hands started to strip JJ of her clothing. The raven-haired woman made sure to fling JJ's clothing onto the chair and not over the railing.

Emily knelt down as she started to kiss JJ's chest. The blonde woman tilted her head back as she grabbed onto Emily's hair. JJ moaned softly as the older woman paid attention to her nipples. The cool April nighttime air was also elevated JJ's sensitivity.

"Emily," JJ said softly as she tilted her head back. The raven-haired woman looked up at her with curious eyes. She placed a final kiss on JJ's sternum before her hands slid down. Emily grabbed onto JJ's hips and turned her around quickly. The blonde woman was pulled towards Emily as she bent over the railing on the balcony.

"Keep your eyes down on the city. I want all strangers passing by to look at how good you look," Emily said as she leaned forward and licked up JJ's cunt. The blonde woman's eyes rolled to the back of her head as she held onto the railing for dear life.

"Fuck, Emily," JJ moaned out as her mouth hung open. Emily smirked as she stilled and ran her hands over JJ's backside. "Someone can see."

"Good. I want everyone to see," Emily said softly. The blonde woman melted at the husk voice. The raven-haired woman leaned forward once again and licked up JJ's cunt. Her hands spread JJ further as her tongue flicked back and forth. "You're soaked at the thought of someone seeing us."

The blonde woman let out a quiet moan as Emily's pace wasn't fast enough. The raven-haired woman was just getting started with her. Emily pulled JJ back further as her tongue finally reached her clit. JJ gripped onto the railing as her eyes rolled to the back of her head. Emily tongue was felt everywhere on JJ. The blonde woman couldn't help but try to grind back into her.

"For someone so scared of being caught, you sure are enjoying this," Emily said and smirked slightly. The blonde woman felt her fingers tease her entrance. Emily stood up as she pressed a kiss onto JJ's back. "Keep your eyes on the city."

Emily pushed in two fingers as JJ's jaw hung open. The blonde woman was about to turn back when Emily grabbed onto her hair, forcing her to look ahead of her. JJ whimpered as she felt Emily's pace pick up.

"Shit. Emily," JJ moaned softly. The raven-haired woman placed another finger into JJ before kissing down JJ's back. It was pathetic how close JJ was already. She had never done anything publicly before, so all of this was heightening her climax.

"Oh, Jennifer Jareau, I'd love to have the city watch as you come undone," Emily said softly against JJ's neck. "But I'd like that to be the only thing I can see."

"Emily," JJ whispered as her hand reached back and pushed Emily's face further into her neck. The blonde woman, out of habit, moved her other hand down in between her legs. Emily noticed and grabbed her arm instantly.

"What do you think you're doing," Emily asked as she pulled her fingers out of JJ. She grabbed the blonde woman by her throat and tugged her back.

"Please, Emily. I needed to come. It hurts," JJ whimpered out as she turned her head to look at Emily. "Please."

"You don't do that, ever," Emily said as she locked eyes with JJ. "I was just about to give in too. But I think the city has seen enough of you."

Emily tugged JJ inside the hotel room and back onto her bed. The raven-haired woman let go of JJ. The blonde woman instantly crawled back onto the bed as Emily stood at the end of the bed. She was still fully clothed in her work attire.

"Take it off, please," JJ said softly as she watched Emily. The raven-haired woman smiled widely as her hands went up to her chest. She slipped off her blazer and threw it onto the other bed.

"Since you asked so nicely," Emily said and slipped off her heels as well. The blonde woman's eyes locked onto her hands which undid her shirt, revealing the royal blue lace bra underneath. JJ bit her lip as she squeezed together her legs. "Open your legs."

JJ did as she was told and had to refrain from touching herself. The raven-haired woman undid her belt and smirked as she didn't throw it on the other bed, but instead left it on the one JJ was on. The blonde woman gulped slightly as she tried to make the pulsing between her legs die down.

Emily quickly stripped herself of her pants. JJ was going crazy as she saw the matching set Emily was wearing. The dark blue against Emily's pale skin was a perfect contrast. JJ licked her lips as she engraved this moment right into her memories.

"You're so perfect. All dressed up just for me to see. Please take it off and then come here," JJ said, biting the inside of her cheek. Emily smiled softly as she crawled onto the bed. "I want it off."

"You are in no position to make demands. Be nice," Emily said as she made herself comfortable between JJ's legs. The raven-haired woman spread JJ further before leaning in and making direct contact with her clit.

"Shit!" JJ moaned out, quickly placing a hand over her mouth. The team's rooms were surrounding them. She needed to keep quiet. Emily, however, only tried to make JJ lose her mind more. She flicked her tongue back and forth right on JJ's clit. The blonde woman arched her back up as she gently grabbed onto Emily's hair.

Emily continued this ruthless pace as she stuck two fingers into JJ. The blonde woman's hands tightened around Emily's hair and her mouth as she cried behind her hand. She looked down and locked eyes with Emily. JJ's legs started to shake violently as she was quickly approaching her orgasm. Emily noticed this and pulled away quickly.

"Fuck. That was cruel. Emily, please. It hurts. Do something," JJ whimpered as she shut her legs and tried to reach her orgasm. Emily spread her legs before running her hand down JJ's cunt. The blonde woman shut her eyes as she felt Emily get back into her original position. She wasn't prepared for the loud smack that was felt on her inner thigh. JJ felt herself grow more needy because of that hit. "Please, Emily. I'm begging. Please."

Emily smirked against JJ's cunt as she leaned forward and continued her same pace as before. The blonde woman's hands covered her mouth to muffle the moans that kept coming out of her. JJ's entire body was on fire as she desperately tried to reach her orgasm.

"Emily. I'm—I need," JJ mumbled as her legs shook once again. This time, Emily didn't pull away, but she only went faster. Her arms and mouth were completely numb, but it was worth it to hear JJ fall apart because of her. The blonde woman's stomach tightened as her back snapped up. Tears fell from JJ's eyes as she had to force herself to stay quiet. Her hands dug into the sheets that her knuckles turned white. Emily didn't stop until JJ's hands were pushing her head away.

The blonde woman wiped her face that had a mixture of sweat and tears. Emily noticed and furrowed her eyebrows. "Are you okay? Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you in any way? I'm so sor—"

JJ sat up and grabbed Emily's face, bringing her in for a deep passionate kiss. Emily was so scared to even touch JJ. The younger woman pulled away and looked at the woman she had in her hands.

"You didn't hurt me. It was just really overwhelming but in a good way. You could never hurt me. You made me feel really good," JJ whispered as she leaned forward and kissed Emily once again. The raven-haired woman was hesitant about it, but eventually put her hands on JJ.

Without a second thought, JJ flipped the two of them around. She crawled on top of Emily as their kiss never broke. The raven-haired woman's hands were feeling all over JJ.

"It's your turn to feel good," JJ said softly as she kissed down Emily's neck. The raven-haired woman just nodded her head as she got lost in the sensation of JJ.

Her scent, her lips, her raspy voice, even the sight of JJ on top of Emily. Everything about JJ just made Emily feel on cloud nine. She was happy, so genuinely happy, and in love, so dangerously in love.

Luke: "I've seen the best of you, and the worst of you, and I choose both." Sarah Kay.

Chapter Text

JJ: "The soul is healed by being with children." Fyodor Dostoevsky.

"Okay," Emily said as she walked into the living room with a towel wrapped around her. She sighed softly as she looked around at her, now, neatly clean apartment. She spent the last two hours doing a deep clean from room to room, then jumped into the shower for forty-five minutes. "Almost done. Almost done."

It wasn't unusual that JJ would come over to Emily's apartment for a nightly getaway. In fact, it was quite common for them to happen. But Emily wanted to make each time just as special as the time before. So she cleaned, went grocery shopping, and even used a new body wash that she thinks would be better than the last.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Emily practically ran to the kitchen where her phone was. She took a deep breath in to hide the fact that she was winded before answering. "Hello?"

"Hey," JJ said softly. Emily didn't like the tone of that greeting from her JJ. The raven-haired woman leaned against the counter and furrowed her eyebrows.

"Uh oh," Emily said softly. "It sounds like you're coming to give me some bad news. What's going on?"

"Will's shift got extended until midnight. Something about him needing to do patrols with some newbies. He just called right now," JJ said and pursed her lips. "I'm sorry, I really wanted to go with you toni—"

"Come over," Emily said and leaned over the counter. JJ chuckled nervously, she didn't think Emily was serious.

"Wait you're not kidding," JJ said as she glanced over at the two boys that were on the couch. She took a few steps back until she was out of earshot from her sons. "I thought it was going to be a wine and dine at home night? Candles, a large wine selection, and maybe—"

"Well," Emily said and tried to hide the smirk that was taking over her face. "That can happen another day. You're a mom, and I have a house. Plus I have all the ingredients for a super delicious batch of cookies. I also have some strawberries and some chocolate melts that are calling your name to come and devour. I promise to keep the dirty thoughts when you're eating them at a minimum."

"Mmm," JJ said and tried to suppress the dirty thoughts she was having at this moment. "Are you sure? The boys won't be easy to put down."

"I think I can handle my own godsons," Emily said and smiled softly. "I'll get everything set up, okay? Just let me know when you get here. The towel I'm in isn't very suitable to be seen in."

"I beg to differ, but just for me of course. Bye," JJ said and hung up the phone. She bit her lip hard trying to suppress the image of Emily in just her towel right now. Henry and Michael were lost in their own little world while watching the superhero movie on the TV. "Alright boys. Who wants to go on an adventure?"

"Where are we going?" Henry asked and looked back at his mother. JJ walked closer to the couch and pointed at her son.

"That, little spawn, is a secret until we arrive," JJ said and squinted her eyes. Henry mirrored his mother perfectly, holding still as they waited for the other to move. JJ finally broke and reached forward, swiping her hand through Henry's hair. "Come on. Let's get ready to go."

The two blonde boys ran up the stairs with JJ following after them. The blonde woman walked into her bedroom and went straight to picking out her clothes. She grabbed a pair of light blue denim jeans and a hunter green hoodie.

She made her way to the bathroom and carefully did her skincare routine. JJ paid close attention to her under eyes that seemed to be getting darker. She applied a light layer of foundation and concealer. The blonde woman leaned over her counter as she applied some mascara to her eyelashes.

What JJ didn't know was that her oldest son was standing there watching her. Henry watched as his mother applied some last minute chapstick on her lips. JJ tossed her hair as she carefully examined how she looked. To him, he was curious as to why his mother cared so much about her appearance for this late night adventure. He tilted his head as his mother sprayed four sprits of perfume on her. JJ looked over herself once again before turning and seeing Henry there.

"Hey buddy," JJ said as she knelt down to be eye level with Henry. "You ready to go?"

"Are we going out?" Henry asked and tilted his head. "You only wear your perfume when you're going to work or we're going out to a fancy restaurant."

JJ chuckled as she pushed his hair back and out of his face. "We'll you're very observant. But a lot of adults generally put some perfume on before they go out. If you run into someone, you want to make sure you smell good. You'll have to experiment with what scent works for you."

"So we're not going somewhere?" Henry asked and furrowed his eyebrows. JJ laughed as she hung her head down. She stood up and placed her hand on Henry's shoulder.

"Come on. Let's get your brother," JJ said and led him out of the room.

A few minute car ride, and a text to Emily, later and the small little family arrived at the familiar building. The two young boys held onto JJ's hands as they walked in. The blonde woman knocked twice on the door.

"Come in!" Emily shouted as she walked out of her bedroom. JJ opened the door and led the two young boys inside. "Hey you two!"

"Auntie Emmy!" Michael yelled as he ran towards Emily at full speed. The raven-haired woman crouched down and scooped the young boy into her arms. He hugged her tightly as she swayed him back and forth. Emily kept one arm open as Henry came running towards her shortly after.

"Emily!" Henry shouted as he tackled Emily in a hug. The raven-haired woman smiled widely in content as she hugged the boys back tightly. JJ watched as she shut the doors behind her. Her heart was happy as she heard the laughter of her sons fill the air. "What are you doing here?"

"This is my house, silly," Emily said and flicked her eyes over at JJ. The blonde woman leaned against the door as she smiled at Emily. "Your mom was supposed to come with Auntie Penelope and Auntie Tara, but they had to cancel at the last minute. And, of course I wanted to see the two of you because I missed you! I even went down to the store really quick and grabbed some things so we can make some snacks."

"Like mom's cookies?" Michael asked and gestured over towards the blonde woman. JJ chuckled as she walked up to the two of them.

"Did Auntie Emmy buy some vanilla ice cream?" JJ asked and raised an eyebrow at Emily. The raven-haired woman rolled her eyes at the name.

"Of course she did. It's your mom's favorite," Emily said and smiled softly as she looked at the two boys. The raven-haired woman stood up and looked over at JJ. For a second, she completely forgot that Henry and Michael were right in front of them. It became second nature to just freely kiss JJ whenever she was here. "Should we get started?"

"Boys, what do we do before touching food?" JJ asked while looking down at her two sons.

"Wash our hands," they said at the same time. JJ clapped her hands together as she smiled proudly.

"Come on. Go and wash your hands," Emily said and gestured towards the bathroom down the hall. The two boys ran over there, disappearing behind the wall. The blonde woman checked to see if the boys were in the bathroom before grabbing Emily by the hips and tugging her forward. It was a simple 'thank you for being here' and 'I'm glad I'm in your presence again' kiss. But it made Emily's face flush with a deep pink blush and a sweet smile. "Hi."

"Hi," JJ said and smiled widely as she pulled away from Emily. The two of them had pink cheeks as they looked at each other. "Did you really like vanilla ice cream because it's my favorite?"

"And that specific brand of cookie dough since that's the one you used to buy," Emily said and pursed her lips. "It's not too cheesy, is it?"

JJ leaned over and saw that the boys were drying their hands before turning back to Emily. She kissed her quickly once again before smiling softly. "You're cute for it."

"Okay you need to stop or we'll get caught, or worse, I won't stop," Emily whispered as she walked away from JJ. The blonde woman smiled proudly to herself.

JJ and Emily both washed their hands side by side in the kitchen sink as the two mini Jareaus ran back into the kitchen. Emily grabbed all the fruit and cookie dough out of the fridge. JJ, in the meantime, hoisted Michael up onto a kitchen stool next to Henry. The raven-haired woman also forgot that she had some brownie mix stashed away in her pantry.

"Alright mini Jareau number one, since I can trust you with cracking eggs, you're on brownie duty. Mini Jareau number two, you're on cookie duty with mom," Emily said as she slid over everything for the boys including the measurement cups for the older boy. Henry smiled widely as he grabbed the brownie box and immediately opened it. The raven-haired woman grabbed the remote from the counter and hit the power button for her speaker. "Any music requests?"

"Mom has been listening to a lot of Taylor Swift for some reason," Henry said and chuckled. JJ squinted her eyes as she looked over at her son.

"And you act like you don't sing along with me," JJ said and raised her eyebrows. Henry chuckled as he shook his head. "Oh don't go lying now."

"Jennifer Jareau and the two creations listening to Taylor Swift? I would have never guessed that," Emily said sarcastically as she grabbed the strawberries and the kabob sticks. "Your mom used to listen to her all the time when I first joined the team."

"Really?" Henry asked as a smile formed on his face. He carefully dumped all the mix from the box into the bowl in front of him. Emily smiled widely as she placed the sticks in the strawberries.

"Oh yeah. You know, your mom used to be even more of a superhero before she had you two," Emily said and raised an eyebrow. "She'd be at the office making coffee, desserts, and checking in on every agent in there before going back to work. I'm grateful that I met someone like your mom."

JJ blushed slightly at the praise from Emily. The blonde woman handed Michael some cookie dough as he mirrored her rolling it in her hands. JJ's eyes flicked over to Emily as she grabbed a pot and the chocolate melts.

"Plus, I'm still a sucker for those cookies she makes," Emily said and placed the pot on her stove. "But between you and me, Henry, I prefer the cookie dough ones."

"Hey!" JJ said and furrowed her eyebrows. Henry and Michael both chuckled as JJ jokingly seemed offended.

"Why is that?" Henry asked as Emily began boiling some water.

"Well, your mom wasn't always the best at making delicious chocolate chip cookies," Emily said and tried to stop the large smile that appeared on her face. JJ gasped softly as she looked over at Emily.

"That was one time!" JJ said and threw her head back. Emily laughed loudly as she placed a bowl over the pot. "I hate that you still remember this stupid story."

"Anyways," Emily said and crossed her arms before leaning back on the counter. "Your mom and I were going through the kitchen area at our work years ago when she realized that there wasn't that many snacks for the agents that stay there all day. So, your mom being the sweetheart she is, she decided that she'd make some treats for all the agents."

"And everyone loved them!" JJ said and held up a finger. Emily chuckled as she nodded her head. "They may have been made from store bought cookie dough, but I poured my heart and soul into those cookies."

"Well, one day, your mom realized that there was an agent that never ate any of the cookies out on display. She saw that he'd go to the vending machine and get either a bag of plain chips or a granola bar. Of course, your mom was worried that she might not be making a wide enough variety of treats," Emily said and grabbed the chocolate melts, emptying them into the bowl on the pot. "So she made sugar cookies using the store bought dough again."

"Did he eat them this time?" Michael asked and looked up at his mom. She smiled as she leaned forward and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"He didn't," JJ said and smiled softly. "It turns out, he was vegan. He didn't eat egg, milk, or meat. Since my cookies had eggs and milk in them, he couldn't eat them."

"So your mom went home and called me over. She made me try three different attempts of vegan cookies. One of which was completely raw in the middle, it was like a soup in a hard shell. The second time, they nearly chipped my tooth with how hard they were. And the last time is when she nailed them," Emily said and chuckled. "And that agent appreciated them. From that moment, your mom wanted to continue making cookies from scratch. She also wanted to make sure to keep that vegan recipe just in case she ever needed it in the future."

"Did you ever need it?" Henry asked as he cracked the eggs into the bowl carefully.

"Well no, but just in case," JJ said and smiled widely. Emily chuckled as she slowly stirred the chocolate in the bowl. "I have a small book dedicated to some treat recipes that I want to try and make."

"Are those the books that you keep locked in the office?" Henry asked and tilted his head. JJ glanced up at her son and furrowed her eyebrows. "I went in there a few months ago and I couldn't open the drawer. Dad said you keep it locked because there are some books you have that can't be ruined."

Emily flicked her eyes back and forth between Henry and JJ. The blonde woman smiled softly as she finished rolling the last cookie. "Those are some diaries that your Aunt Roz gave me. They're a mixture of mine and hers. Remember how we said it was good to write everything down and that it's good for you?"

Henry and Michael both nodded their heads as JJ quickly washed her hands in the sink nearby. Emily grabbed the bowl off of the pot. "So you do it too?"

"Of course I do. We all have our ways to get our feelings out," JJ said and looked over at Emily as she dried her hands. The raven-haired woman nodded her head as she dipped the strawberries in the chocolate. JJ bit her lip as she tried to refrain from getting closer to Emily. The older woman was like a drug to JJ, she couldn't get enough.

"Let's just hope your mom continues to make edible cookies," Emily said and winked over at the boys. The two young boys laughed as JJ tossed the towel in her hands at Emily.

An hour later, the four of them were successful with their baking attempts. Approximately 10 cookies, 4 brownies, and 16 chocolate covered strawberries were consumed by the four of them all together. Emily had insisted on leaving the dishes as they all crashed onto the large couch. The raven-haired woman had Henry's head in her lap as the boy slept like a baby. JJ had Michael on top of her with his face buried into her neck.

This experience was surreal for JJ. She didn't realize that this was a life she could have with Emily. The raven-haired woman loved the boys unconditionally already, almost as much as they loved her. Tonight only further proved that everything will be alright eventually.

"What are you thinking about?" Emily asked softly as her hand still stroked over Henry's hair. She had noticed that look in JJ's eyes. The wheels were turning in her head. All Emily was hoping for was that it wasn't anything bad.

The blonde woman smiled as she looked at her two sons. Her eyes slowly went back up to Emily, landing right on her lips. Her heart felt so full at the moment. Being here with Emily and her two sons was all JJ wanted. She envisioned Sunday breakfast, Friday movie nights, and mandatory cuddles on the couch with Emily and the boys.

"I want this," JJ whispered ever so softly. Emily nearly missed it at how faint it was. She looked down at JJ's lips out of habit. JJ knew Emily wanted this life together just as badly.

JJ craved Emily. She needed her like a drug.

The blonde woman couldn't help but lean in, however she stopped herself when she felt Michael move. The two of them sat back in a comfortable silence as the two boys slept. "So you're still writing huh?"

"So you did pick up on that," JJ said and rubbed Michael's back, gently putting him back to sleep. Emily smiled softly as she glanced over at JJ. "I thought you forgot."

"I can't forget that. You were glued to those diaries when the team would fall asleep on the jet," Emily said and chuckled quietly. "I just didn't know if you still did it."

"I picked it back up after--you know," JJ said and swallowed harshly. "Plus leaving my book open doesn't help the secrecy. I have a feeling that's why we--talked when we went to Atlanta. My gut tells me you read a part of it."

"I did but I'm so so--"

"It's okay. I guess the universe just wanted us to talk to each other. I can't be mad at that," JJ said and looked down at Henry. She noticed her son was still peacefully asleep when she reached over and grabbed onto Emily's hand. JJ's thumb ran over the back of Emily's hand as she looked at her with such love in her eyes. The raven-haired woman smiled softly as she squeezed her hand. Emily's entire body was urging her to say those three little words to JJ.

"Well, I'd love to read them eventually," Emily said and chuckled.

"Yeah, not a chance," JJ said and smiled widely. Emily rolled her eyes as she threw her head back against the couch.

"Damn. At least I tried," Emily said and sighed dramatically. JJ chuckled as she shook her head. The blonde woman couldn't take her eyes off of her as her heart beat out of her chest. Emily didn't know this but JJ's body also was edging her to say those three little words.

"Emily, I--"

Ring. Ring. Ring.

JJ shut her eyes as she carefully moved Michael off of her and next to Emily. The raven-haired woman happily pulled the young boy closer to her. JJ quickly made her way to the kitchen and grabbed her phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, babe. I just got home. Where are you? And where are the boys?" Will asked as he made his way through the empty house. JJ glanced back and saw Emily's eyes directly on the TV in front of her. No doubt, she was listening to the phone call.

"I'm here at Emily's. The boys and I wanted a little bit of an adventure. She spoiled them rotten with treats," JJ said and smiled softly. "They're asleep on the couch."

"Well, I'm done for the night. Come home. I miss you," Will said as he sat at the edge of his bed. "Be careful on the ride back. I love you."

"I--I love you too," JJ said softly. Emily's heart clenched as she heard it. "I'll see you soon."

With that, JJ hung up the phone. The blonde woman looked over and saw Henry sit up as he rubbed his eyes. She smiled as she walked up to him. "Hey, buddy."

"Is dad home?" Henry asked as he squinted his eyes. The kitchen lights were too bright for him at this moment.

"Yeah. Let's go home," JJ said as she leaned forward and kissed his forehead. The blonde woman grabbed Michael and lifted him into her arms. Emily got up and gathered all of JJ's things as the small family made their way to the door. "Say bye to Emmy."

Henry immediately walked up to Emily and wrapped his arms around her waist. The raven-haired woman chuckled as she hugged him back just as tightly. Michael was still asleep, so Emily settled for a kiss on the head as a goodbye to him.

"Be careful," Emily said as she watched JJ make her way down the hall. JJ heard the sound of the door shut behind her as she grabbed onto Henry's hand.

"I wish we could stay at Auntie Emily's forever," Henry said in his sleep haze. JJ smiled forcefully down at her son.

"I do too."

Emily: "Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple." Job 5:2

Chapter Text

Spencer: "True love doesn't need proof. The eyes told what the heart felt." Toba Beta.

Ding. Ding. Ding.

"Look out, here comes trouble. And boy has it never looked better!" a voice shouted as JJ walked into the restaurant. The blonde woman laughed as she saw Rachel coming out of the kitchen. The older woman made her way to JJ with open arms. "Oh, Jenny. I've missed you!"

"Rachel," JJ said as she embraced the woman into a tight hug. "I've missed you too. Work and my boys have kept me busy."

"Well, luckily for you, I recognized the order and I pushed it out as soon as I could," Rachel said and place her hand on JJ's shoulder. The two of them made their way over towards the kitchen. "So, where's your other half?"

"Oh, Emily has been stressed because of work. I wanted to surprise her with some food," JJ said and smiled softly. Rachel gave JJ a knowing look. It was similar to when a mother knows a secret the child won't tell. "What?"

"I just find it funny that you talked about Emmy when I know about your husband," Rachel said and shrugged her shoulders. JJ's blood went cold as her jaw hung open slightly. "I was always rooting for the two of you to get back together. The love you two have can move mountains. I'm just glad you divorced him."

JJ pursed her lips as Rachel went into the kitchen. She probably should have asked the older woman which other half she meant. Maybe Rachel wouldn't intrude with any more questions. But maybe JJ wanted her to.

Rachel came back out and handed JJ the bag of food. The blonde woman set it down on the table before embracing Rachel in a tight hug once again. The older woman was taken back by this, but still hugged JJ back equally as tight.

"Rachel, I—I need your advice," JJ said softly as she shut her eyes. Maybe she'd regret this in ten minutes, but she desperately needed a voice of reason. The red headed woman pulled back and saw the sadness in JJ's eyes.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked as she held onto JJ by her biceps. JJ swallowed harshly as she looked around the restaurant. She was trying her hardest not to cry. "Don't do that. Don't debate with yourself about telling me. You know you can tell me anything and I will never judge you."

"I didn't divorce him," JJ said softly. Rachel furrowed her eyebrows as she locked eyes with JJ. "I have so much love for him, Rachel, I do. He's the father of my children, he stuck by me with my job, and never threw it in my face that I wasn't as present for the boys growing up as much. He's practically perfect."

"He's just not her," Rachel said with a look of sadness in her eyes. JJ shut her eyes as she nodded her head slightly. Rachel clicked her tongue as she moved JJ to sit on a counter stool. "Darling, let me tell you something. When you find something that sets your soul on fire, you are a damn fool not to take it. He may be the loving husband and father, but you are doing your boys, and him, a disservice if you're staying in an unhappy marriage. Nobody wants that. And sometimes, to be happy, we have to be selfish."

JJ swallowed harshly as she looked at Rachel again. The red headed woman sighed softly as she placed her hand on JJ's shoulder.

"Do my eyes deceive me, or is that Miss Jenny?" Mike asked as he carefully made his way out of the office. The blonde woman smiled widely as she saw the older man. She got up and walked up to him. JJ wrapped her arms around him without saying anything. He wrapped his free hand around her, gripping tightly onto her and the cane in his other hand. "How are you?"

"I'm alright," JJ said softly. Her eyes shut as she took in the familiar embrace. Mike was the only father figure JJ ever relied on and found comfort in. "I've just been dealing with work and such. How have you been?"

"I'm a whole lot better now that I see you here," Mike said and smiled softly. JJ finally pulled away from him. He noticed that look of sadness in JJ's eyes. He could recognize that look from a mile away. "Are you sure everything is alright?"

"Yeah, I'm just figuring out a lot of stuff," JJ said and smiled forcefully. Mike furrowed his eyebrows as he watched JJ. "I just came to pick up some food for Emily and I."

"Emmy? How is she doing?" Mike asked and smiled widely. "Rachel was telling me you two came in together a while ago."

"She's good. She's my boss now, so she's constantly stressed," JJ said and shook her head. That's when Mike noticed the shift to pure happiness in JJ's eyes when she was talking about Emily. His heart and mind both knew that they'd find their way back to each other eventually.

"Well, this calls for a celebration. Here," Mike said and walked over to the display case. JJ furrowed her eyebrows as she saw Mike carefully open the small door. He grabbed one of pies from it before handing it to JJ. "For Jenny and Emmy."

"Mike, no—"

"I know you are not about to argue with me over a six dollar pie, Jennifer Jareau," Mike said sternly. JJ immediately shut her mouth as she looked at the pie. She knew when Mike called her anything other than Jenny, she'd just be better off going with what he said. "It's for Emily. I haven't seen her in a while. So, I figured a pie would be a sufficient gift."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate it. Thank you, Mike," JJ said as she grabbed the pie from him. "I've got to get going. I don't want to stay out too late with her."

"Of course. Come by next weekend for breakfast. Bring Emily with you," Mike said and smiled at JJ. "I always knew you two would finally admit your feelings for each other. My food makes anyone fall in love."

JJ looked over at Mike with curiosity in her eyes. Her eyes squinted over at him as he smiled innocently. "I'll find out what plan you had all these years."

"Scout's honor," Mike said as he crossed his heart. Both embraced in a hug goodbye before Rachel handed JJ her food. The red headed woman kissed her cheek before letting JJ go. "Bye, Jenny."

"Bye, Mike. Bye, Rachie!" JJ said as she waved off the two of them. They both watched as JJ left the restaurant without another word.

"You owe me twenty bucks," Mike said over to Rachel. The red headed woman rolled her eyes as she reached into her pocket and handed him the money. "I told you they were back together."

"Yeah, yeah," Rachel said and shook her head.

Meanwhile, Emily was sitting in her home office with countless of open files in front of her. She, surprisingly, was nearly done with the mountain. The glass of red wine and the will of not wanting to work tomorrow fueled her to finish. Well, it was more like three glasses of wine now. Emily felt warm in her stomach as she finished up the last file.

"You look exhausted," a voice said from behind Emily. The raven-haired woman spun around to see JJ there, leaning against the doorway.

"Christ, JJ! You scared me sober!" Emily said and held a hand over her heart. JJ chuckled as she walked over to Emily. "How did you get in here?"

"You realize you gave me a key yesterday, right?" JJ asked as she furrowed her eyebrows. The raven-haired woman's memory was all fuzzy from the three glasses of alcohol. "Uh oh. Someone is a little tipsy."

"I'm sober now, thank you for that," Emily said and rolled her eyes. JJ bent over and placed both her hands on either side of Emily's chair. The blonde woman smirked as she saw her lover actually get a little nervous.

"You're welcome," JJ said softly. The rasp in her voice coming out more than usual. The raven-haired woman melted as she heard it loud and clear. She placed her hands on JJ's face as she leaned in and kissed her. Emily got lost in the kiss with her JJ. Maybe it was the combination of the kiss and alcohol, but JJ was more intoxicating to her at this moment. "Slow down there."

"No," Emily said softly as she kissed JJ again. The blonde woman felt Emily's hands slip down and take off her jacket. JJ pulled her away from Emily's lips with a hum of approval. "No, come here."

"You come here," JJ said and grabbed onto Emily's hands, pulling her up out of her seat. "You need to eat some food so you can sober up."

"I'm perfectly sober," Emily said and squinted her eyes at JJ. The blonde woman pursed her lips as she tilted her head. "Okay, fine."

The two of them happily made their way over to the kitchen. Emily was thoroughly surprised to see JJ had gone to Mike's once again. That little restaurant was the hidden gem that was their own secret. Both women dug into their little portions of heaven and made small talk in the process.

The two eventually made their way to the couch, lazily watching a movie that came on. Emily's head rested on JJ's shoulder. The raven-haired woman shut her eyes as she smelled the sweet scent of JJ. She smelled like amber, honey, and linen. Emily was completely intoxicated with the smell of her. The raven-haired woman didn't even notice her hand was wandering over JJ. "You smell amazing."

"Mmm, what are you doing?" JJ asked as she felt Emily's hand creep up her shirt. The raven-haired woman smiled innocently as her hand ran over JJ's faint ab lines.

"I hear skin-to-skin contact helps a hangover," Emily said and smiled up at JJ. The blonde woman squinted her eyes down at Emily. The raven-haired woman didn't say anything else as she sat up and tore her own shirt off.

"I think that's just for women and their newborn children," JJ said as her eyes trailed down Emily's chest. The raven-haired woman's hand crept up higher, feeling the band of JJ's bra.

"I think it's worth a shot," Emily said and wiggled her eyebrows. A small smirk formed on her lips as she noticed JJ's eyes darkening. She knew exactly how to get JJ going. "After all, I feel a little under dressed here. My shirt comes off, then so does yours."

"Yes boss," JJ said as she sat up slightly and tugged off her shirt. Emily smiled triumphantly as she nuzzled her face into JJ's warm neck. The raven-haired woman was at peace now that she felt JJ's bare skin on hers. "I think you're right. This feels nice."

"Yeah?" Emily asked softly as she placed a deep kiss on JJ's neck. The blonde woman shut her eyes as she felt the kisses repeat over and over.

"What are you doing?" JJ asked softly as Emily moved her hand down. The raven-haired woman's hands grabbed onto JJ's belt buckle and tugged at it, quickly trying to undo it.

"Just feeling," Emily said as her kisses trailed along JJ's throat. The blonde woman bit the inside of her lip when Emily licked up the underside of her jaw. The raven-haired woman straddled JJ as her lips never left her neck.

"You know how I feel about neck kisses, Em," JJ said as her hands found Emily's hips. The blonde woman hummed when Emily wrapped a hand around her throat, kissing directly below her ear. "You better stop, or I'll take advantage of you on your couch."

"Take advantage," Emily whispered. JJ sighed softly as she grabbed Emily's face and kissed her. The two of them tried to fight for dominance in the kiss. JJ's tongue finally pushed through into Emily's mouth, gaining her the upper hand. The blonde woman pulled Emily down onto the couch, never breaking their kiss as she did. JJ's hands roamed all around the raven-haired woman.

JJ swiftly got Emily's bottom half off, leaving her nearly nude on her couch. The blonde woman hovered her lips over Emily's as a hand snuck down between her legs. The raven-haired woman sighed pleasurably as she felt JJ's warm hands against her. JJ felt the abundance of wetness there and smirked.

"Who's got you like this, huh?" JJ asked and pulled away teasingly as Emily tried to kiss her. "I asked you a question, Emily."

"You, JJ," Emily said and arched her back up as JJ's fingers brushed against her clit. The blonde woman smirked proudly as she pushed in two fingers. Emily immediately gripped onto JJ by her shoulders. Soft moans of pleasure fell from Emily's lips as JJ slowly moved her fingers in and out. JJ shifted to gain her balance as her other hand went down and rubbed Emily's clit in tight, fast circles. The raven-haired woman's back arched as her eyes shut tightly.

"Just like that?" JJ asked softly. Emily immediately nodded her head as she moaned softly. The quiet moans weren't good enough for JJ. Emily felt her head spinning as JJ quickened her pace. The raven-haired woman was already embarrassingly close as she gripped onto the couch cushions. JJ rubbed Emily's clit faster as she curled her fingers up. That action immediately caused Emily to release a louder moan. "There we go."

"JJ," Emily whimpered as her legs shook. The blonde woman went faster, causing Emily's moans to increase in loudness and desperation. Emily opened her eyes and immediately locked eyes with JJ's. Her once nice crystal blue eyes were darkened with lust. "Baby—"

"Shh, I know. Let it go, Em," JJ said softly. Emily shut her eyes as her head tilted back. Hearing soft words of encouragement from JJ pushed Emily over the edge. Her legs shook as felt the familiar rush of adrenaline run through her. JJ's pace didn't stop or slow down as Emily reached her first orgasm, but instead drew her to her second one. "Good. Just like that."

"God," Emily said and pushed JJ's hand away finally. The blonde woman chuckled as Emily tried to catch her breath. JJ leaned over and hovered her lips over Emily's. "I love you."

It was mumbled softly against her lips, but JJ heard it loud and clear. She pulled away and looked down at Emily with a look of disbelief. "What?"

Emily's lips curled into a soft smile. The raven-haired woman sat up on her elbows as she looked at JJ. It felt as though time had stopped for the blonde woman. JJ had loved Emily for nearly two decades in secret, and wished for a time machine for half of it. The blonde woman's sole desire was to be loved by Emily once again, fully and deeply.

"JJ—"

"Say it again," JJ said softly. "I need to hear you say it, so I know I'm not going crazy."

Emily sat up fully and wrapped her arms around JJ. The two of them had that same look of love in their eyes that they did several years ago. JJ's hands fell onto Emily's shoulders as her heart was beating out her chest.

"I love you," Emily said and didn't look away from JJ. The blonde woman smiled as tears filled her eyes. "I'm tired of denying it. I love you. I can't move on in my life pretending that I don't. You're the one thing that's constantly on my mind. I've loved you all this time, Jennifer Jareau, and I'll never be able to stop."

"Do you mean that?" JJ asked quietly. The raven-haired woman wiped away the single tear that fell from JJ's eyes.

"On my life," Emily whispered. The blonde woman felt her bottom lip tremble as she looked at Emily. For a second, JJ completely forgot the complicated mess that she found herself in. There was just her, here, with her Emily. JJ placed her hands on either side of the raven-haired woman's face. This is exactly where she belonged in the world, right here with Emily. "JJ—"

"You know why I told you, right?" JJ asked as she stared deep into Emily's eyes. The crystal blue eyes had a mixture of happiness and sadness to them. Emily shook her head as she looked up at JJ. "I needed you all along, Emily. You're the only person I feel that has seen me fully. I've loved you for nearly two decades of my life and I will continue loving you for more."

Emily's eyes felt the build up to tears. JJ noticed and leaned her forehead against Emily's. The raven-haired woman's heart was exploding from everything that JJ was saying. She waited years to hear it.

"I choose you, Emily Prentiss, today," JJ said as she leaned down and kissed her cheek softly. "Tomorrow, and every day for the rest of my life. I love you more than I will ever be able to explain. I love you so much it hurts. I want you, and only you. I choose you, Emily."

"You choose me?" Emily asked softly. She was so scared she was living in a dream and be woken up any minute now. JJ had tears of joy in her eyes as she nodded her head. Her hand ran down the side of Emily's face lovingly. It felt like the weight of the world had risen off of JJ's shoulders. She leaned down and met Emily in a heartfelt kiss. Both women cried tears of joy as everything fell into place around them.

"I love you. I love you. I love you," JJ repeated in between their kisses. JJ licked her lips as they broke apart, tasting the salt from both of their tears. Her nose gently nudged Emily's as both women shut their eyes. "I love you, please never forget that."

"I love you so much, Jennifer Jareau," Emily said softly. It was hard for the raven-haired woman to be in such a vulnerable state. Emily had mastered how to turn off her emotions, but she couldn't anymore with her. JJ was the only person in the world that Emily wanted more than anything. "God, come here."

Emily pulled JJ down as they kissed once again. JJ's hands buried into Emily's hair, locking her lover in place so their kiss would never end. Emily's hands wrapped protectively around JJ's waist. The blonde woman's lips trailed all over Emily's face and neck.

"I'll talk to Will tomorrow," JJ said and ran her hands over Emily's face. She couldn't tear her eyes away from her Emily. JJ wanted to look at her lover forever. "I'm not losing you ever again."

"I'm never walking away again," Emily said softly. JJ buried her face into Emily's neck as she embraced the woman in a tight hug. "Oh, hi."

"Hi," JJ said and nuzzled her cheek against Emily's soft skin. The blonde woman was at peace as Emily was in all her senses. The floral scent, cold touch, and the rhythmic breathing of Emily relaxed JJ.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

JJ sighed softly as she pulled away from Emily. She reached over and grabbed her phone from the table.

Will.

"Sorry," JJ said as she got off of Emily. The raven-haired woman watched as JJ shuffled towards the kitchen. "Hey."

"Hey, are you almost home?" Will asked softly. JJ glanced over at the oven clock and noticed it was half past ten.

"Shit, yeah. Let me just wrap up everything here and I'll get going," JJ said and smiled forcefully into the phone. Emily sighed softly as she sat up, swinging her feet onto the floor. She ran a hand down her face as she sat and listened to JJ quietly talk to her husband. "Yes, five minutes. I love you too. Bye."

"Bye," Will said softly. He glanced out their bedroom balcony. The brunette man ran a hand down his face as he bent over the railing. He looked at the quiet neighborhood him and JJ lived in. The silence nearly drove him insane at times, especially like tonight.

He stepped away from the railing and made his way down to the kitchen. His finger hovered over each bottle before grabbing one at random. He grabbed a glass and immediately poured some of the bourbon into it. He capped the bottle before swirling the alcohol around. Will sighed softly before taking a sip of it.

Needless to say, Will didn't have a good feeling about JJ. She started working more long hours and come home late in the night. The blonde woman also made sure to shower Henry and Michael with affection the following morning. Will hated that he was having this thought. JJ would never do anything to intentionally hurt him. Or, at least that's what he'd hoped for.

However, Will couldn't shake this feeling. JJ was having an affair. Now he just had to find proof.

Will: "I wonder if it's possible to have a love affair that lasts forever." Andy Warhol.

Chapter Text

Penelope: "Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things." Arthur Schopenhauer.

"Okay, I think we are all packed for this play date. Remember to be extra kind to Miss Angie for picking you up. I want you two on your best behavior," JJ said as she zipped up the two backpacks in front of her.

She was exhausted from doing laundry, chasing the two boys around, and getting them ready to go. Not to mention the semi-burnt pancakes that were topped with strawberries and whip cream. Henry and Michael utilized all of JJ while she was home to the best of their abilities.

"Alright. Let's go," JJ said and grabbed both the bags for the boys. Henry and Michael followed after JJ closely as she made her way down the stairs. The blonde woman shuffled both boys to the door. Mentally, she was going through all the things she packed in case she missed something.

"Are you going to make dinner tonight?" Henry asked and looked up at his mom. JJ looked down at her son and smiled.

"Of course. I'll even make some dessert if your dad gets home early," JJ said and ruffled Henry's hair. "Sound like a deal?"

Henry didn't say anything as he just wrapped his arms around her. JJ was taken back by the tight grip but snaked her arms around his protectively.

"You're the best, mom," Henry said softly. JJ smiled softly as she leaned her head down and kissed the top of his head. Just then, she felt another pair of arms wrap around her legs. She glanced over and saw Michael there with his eyes shut tightly. One of JJ's hands went down and ran through his hair.

"I try to be," JJ whispered as she closed her eyes. If she could, she'd lived in this moment forever. That was until she heard a honk come from outside. She sighed softly as both boys broke away from her. "Behave, both of you."

Henry and Michael both agreed to before giving their mother one last hug and kiss goodbye. JJ watched as the two of them ran out of the house and towards the car. She watched as their friend's mother rolled down her window and waved her off.

JJ stood there at the door for a second, relishing in the quiet afternoon. Will was out at work for a few hours. The blonde woman was alone with all her thoughts once again. She had a love-hate relationship with the quietness. It was a moment's peace but also a hell in disguise. JJ shut the door, closing herself off to the world as she made herself comfortable on the seat in the kitchen.

"Do you think this was a mistake?" Emily asked as she looked down at JJ. The two of them were happily naked and wrapped in JJ's bedsheets. They had spent their last energy on each other after coming back from the case in Alaska. JJ looked up at her as she wrapped her arms around Emily.

"Do you think it was?" JJ asked gently. Her heart tugged at the thought of hearing the wrong answer to her question. "We can never speak about it again if that's what you--"

"No," Emily said and ran her hand down JJ's back. Her eyes had a look of hurt in them. She'd never want to forget about everything that happened between her and JJ. She couldn't imagine a world where this relationship didn't exist anymore. "JJ, if I was going to regret this, I wouldn't have done it."

JJ's eyes shut as she moved her face to bury into Emily's neck. The raven-haired woman sat up slightly and hovered over JJ. The blonde woman had no choice but to look at her.

"Tell me what's going on in there," Emily said and glanced up at JJ's forehead. The blonde woman had tears in her eyes as she looked at Emily. "Do you regret this already?"

"No. Of course I don't," JJ said and placed her hands on either side of Emily's face. "I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I never thought I could--I could leave East Alleghany alive. But now I have."

"JJ, you were well alive before I met you," Emily said and chuckled light-heartedly. JJ shook her head as she tried her hardest not to cry.

"No I wasn't. I was just existing. There was no pain, pleasure, or joy until I met you. I don't ever want to go back to that," JJ said as she ran her thumbs over Emily's cheekbones. "You brought me back to life, Emily Prentiss. I don't ever want you to go away. Please don't ever go away."

"I promise," Emily said softly.

JJ buried her hands into her face as the memories of her and Emily started to be recalled. Her mind couldn't help but show her the good and bad of the woman she loved.

"There you go running away from every problem like always," JJ said as she clenched her jaw.

"Oh that was low, JJ, even for you. You think I run from my problems? How about you look at yourself in the mirror!" Emily shouted and turned towards JJ. She bit the inside of her cheek as she placed her hands on her hips. "God, maybe--"

"Maybe what?" JJ asked as her eyes filled with fire. Her throat burned as she held back crying in front of Emily once again. The raven-haired woman gulped as she looked up at the ceiling. "Say it, Emily!"

"Maybe it was a mistake," Emily said as her eyes locked onto JJ. Those words hit JJ like a ton of bricks. She never wanted to feel this. The blonde woman scoffed as she averted her eyes to the floor. JJ pressed her finger tips against her temples for a second before looking back up at Emily. "Okay, wait, JJ--"

"Then let's never speak about this again. You're right. It was a mistake," JJ said and grabbed her bag. "A huge fucking mistake apparently."

Emily couldn't move. It was like the universe had frozen her feet to the floor. The blonde woman paused as she got to the door. She hoped that Emily would say something, anything, that could make this situation better. But Emily didn't. JJ let out a sad breath of air as she walked out without another word.

The blonde woman got to her car. Stupidly, she had leaned against her hood for five minutes. JJ wondered if Emily cared enough to chase after her to apologize for saying the one thing that instantly broke her heart in half. The blonde woman held Emily up in the heavens. She never thought that Emily could do no wrong, that she was perfect in every way. Wishing on the stars above her that Emily would come to her senses only made JJ seem even more idiotic than she cared to admit.

"She doesn't care anymore," JJ said under her breath as she got into her car. The blonde woman threw her head back against the steering wheel. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, punch the wheel with everything in her, and curse at the heavens for ruining everything in her life. But JJ sat there frozen.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

JJ immediately grabbed her phone and checked the caller ID. The blonde woman shut her eyes as she read the name. It wasn't the person she wanted to talk to right now. Her finger hovered over the red button, but JJ moved it to the green instead. "Hey, Will."

"Hey," Will said as he walked out of the station. "I don't know if you got my text from earlier, but I have a couple of vacation days that I can use up. I know you said you wanted to keep this relationship strictly professional, but I just have to come out and say it. I like you, JJ. I haven't been able to get you out of my head since I saw you a few weeks ago. Just say yes or no to going out with me. I promise you won't hurt my feelings that badly."

JJ heard him chuckle nervously over the phone. The blonde woman glanced up at the building where she just came from. To her surprise, the main door to the apartment complex opened. Her heart shot right out of her chest as she saw a woman walk out. Once she turned, JJ's heart sunk. It wasn't Emily but a woman that looked a lot like her.

"Are you still there?" Will asked quietly. JJ shut her eyes as she leaned her head against the window.

"Yeah. Let me know when you're coming into town," JJ said softly. "I could use a getaway."

JJ's eyes shot open when she heard the sound of keys hitting the front door. The blonde woman turned to see Will coming in, kicking his shoes off at the front door. "Hey, you."

"Hey back. I take it I missed the boys before going off to Adrian's," Will said as he undid the buttons on his shirt sleeve. JJ nodded her head as he walked up to her. "Well, I'll catch them tonight for dinner."

"Henry wants dessert with dinner," JJ said and smiled softly. The brunette man chuckled as he stood between JJ's legs. The blonde woman smiled softly at him.

JJ may not have been in love with her husband, but she still loved him. She wanted so desperately to love all of him as much as he loved her. Life would be simpler if she learned to do that fully. Will smiled back at her before leaning forward and kissing her softly. JJ pulled away and placed her forehead against his.

"Uh oh. You usually only do this when you're really stressed," Will said as he sighed softly. He tried to wrap his arms around JJ, but she pulled away from him before he could. He tilted his head slightly as he saw the look of sadness in her eyes.

"I need to talk to you," JJ said as she ran her hands down her thighs. Will's heart started racing at those six words.

"Okay? Can this conversation happen after lunch?" Will asked as he gestured to the refrigerator. "I can make the two of us something or we can order take out."

"Will, I'm--"

Ring. Ring. Ring.

JJ's face scrunched up in pain as she placed a hand on her forehead. Will walked over to the phone and answered it quietly. He didn't want to upset JJ more than she already was.

"It's for you," Will said softly as he handed JJ the phone. The blonde woman pressed her tongue against the inside of her cheek, trying to refrain from yelling at whoever it was on the phone. She grabbed it and sighed.

"This is Jennifer," JJ said as she glanced down at her hand in her lap.

"Jenny," Rachel said in a shaky tone. JJ furrowed her eyebrows as she looked over at Will. "Jenny, honey are you there?"

"Yeah, Rach? What's going on?" JJ said and stood up from her seat. She made her way over to the living room. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh Jenny, I'm so sorry. Mike's gone," Rachel said softly. JJ's entire world stop as those words rang out in her head over and over again. She sank down onto the couch behind her. "The doctors said his heart gave out in his sleep. They suspect that he died after—"

"After what?" JJ asked as her grip on the phone tightened. She heard the soft sniffles and cries coming from Rachel on the other side of the phone. "He died after what, Rachel?"

"After he got home yesterday. He went directly home after talking to you," Rachel said as she cried softly. JJ didn't even register that she was crying until she tasted the salt on her lips. "Jenny, I'm sorry. I know you loved him."

"Give me about an hour and I'll be over there," JJ said softly. As of right now, it all felt like a dream. JJ wanted to cry and scream at the top of her lungs, but nothing was coming out. "Give me some time, Rachel."

JJ hung up the phone without another word. Will stood at the end of the couch with his hands in his pockets. "Who was that?"

"That was Rachel. Mike died," JJ said softly. Will furrowed his eyebrows as he made his way over to her. He sank down onto his knee in front of her.

"Who's Mike?" Will asked and grabbed onto JJ's hand. The blonde woman choked back tears as she looked up at the ceiling.

"He was my fath—"

"JJ?" Will asked as the woman stopped mid sentence. JJ pulled her hand away as she stood up. She pushed her hair behind her ears as her mind was racing a million miles an hour.

"Emily. I--I need to call Emily. She has to know," JJ said and moved out of the way from Will. The man watched as she walked out of the room and into the office without another word.

Will sighed softly as he stood up. He carefully made his way to the office and pressed his ear to the half shut door.

"Emily. Emily, I need you to come over. Mike died. Rachel called me a few minutes ago," JJ said softly. She ran her hand down her face as tears freely fell from her eyes. "I'm fine. I just—no. No. Don't rush, please. I'll be here with Will. I need to go with Rachel."

The brunette man leaned against the door frame as he heard his wife sniffle her tears. JJ hummed a few times as her soft footsteps were heard walking around the room. The blonde woman inhaled deeply as she paused her walking.

"I'll see you soon. I love you too," JJ said and smiled forcefully. The blonde woman hung up the phone before tossing her phone to the side. She didn't care if she broke it at this point.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

JJ inhaled sharply as she turned and saw Will standing there at the doorway. She tried her best to stand there with a smile, but he could tell that she wanted to break.

"Is there anything I can do?" Will asked and walked towards JJ. The blonde woman sighed as she shook her head. She placed the tips of her fingers over her eyes as she tried to calm herself.

"What time is it?" JJ asked and smoothed out the roots of hair on her head.

"It's half past three," Will said and furrowed his eyebrows. JJ gently placed her hand on Will's bicep.

"I need you to take care of the boys. I need to go over there and see what's going on. Rachel must be a mess right now. Mike didn't have any other family besides the one at the diner," JJ said and walked pass Will. He followed after her as her mind, and now feet, were racing a million miles an hour. "I don't even know what to do with funeral arrangements. He never told me what he'd want. I just need to get over—"

"JJ," Will said sternly and grabbed onto her wrist. That action alone mad JJ stop in her tracks and turn to look at him. "Calm down for one second please. Just for a second."

"I can't do that, Will," JJ said and pulled her wrist away from her husband. "I have to go take care of everything."

"Are you hearing yourself?" Will asked and gently pulled JJ back to look at him once again. JJ clenched her jaw as she stared off at the painting over his shoulder. "You just lost someone very important to you. The first thing you need to do is grieve it. Just like everyone else has that right. You can do a lot of things, Jennifer Jareau, but not while you're in the process of grieving yourself."

Will said softly as he got into JJ's line of sight. The blonde woman, with tears in her eyes, allowed herself to fall into his open arms. He placed a swift kiss on her forehead before pulling her into a hug. Will's hand came up and cradled JJ's head as he felt her holding back tears. The blonde woman curled her arms around him and buried her face into his neck.

"I'm sorry, JJ," Will said softly. The blonde woman's bottom lip trembled as she held onto him tightly. She was scared that her legs would give out on her any minute now. She allowed herself fifty seconds to just exist in his arms. JJ breathed in sharply as she pulled away from Will. She smiled forcefully before disappearing into their bedroom.

Will ran a hand down his face as he leaned against the wall in the hallway. The man had a rush of anxiety while thinking about the conversation him and JJ would have the second he got home. He never wanted to hear the conversation that JJ wanted to have with him. He knew it would end poorly for him if he did.

The brunette man made his way down the stairs and glanced over at the office JJ was previously in. He spotted JJ's phone on the couch before turning back to see if she was at the top of the stairs. Will hesitated but went over and grabbed her phone. He unlocked her it quickly before starting his search. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't shake this feeling of JJ being unfaithful to him.

Photos? Nothing. Social media? Nothing. Contact names he didn't recognize? Nothing. He even checked her call log for any suspicious numbers. All he saw was the usual few calls from the rest of the team and an influx of calls from Emily.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Will jumped as he heard the knocking on the door. He quickly set down JJ's phone before heading over to the front door. He opened it and was met with a sad looking Emily standing there. "Hey, Emily."

"Will," Emily said and smiled as best as she could. He tilted his head inside. Emily didn't hesitate to step foot into their house as Will shut the door behind him. "How is she?"

"She's—existing," Will said and nodded his head before stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I'm just trying to remember who Mike was. She seemed pretty close to him."

"Mike was JJ's father figure in DC. I'm sure you know JJ left East Alleghany when was eighteen. He took her under his wing. She owed a lot to him," Emily said and nodded her head slowly. She gulped as she tried to hide just how much she knew about Mike. It felt wrong that Emily knew almost everything while Will knew close to nothing. "She doesn't really talk about it."

"No, she mentioned him. I remember him now. He gave us a pie for our wedding gift," Will said chuckled slightly. Emily smiled softly as she looked around their home. It also felt wrong to stand here and act like she's just a good friend to the woman she's madly in love with.

"Emily," JJ said gently as she made her way down the stairs. The raven-haired woman looked in the direction of her name being called and smiled softly. JJ didn't waste a single second as she ran down the stairs, nearly tripping as she did.

The raven-haired woman didn't say anything as she embraced JJ into a hug. This time, JJ was willing to be vulnerable in the set of arms. Her fine composure immediately faded once she was in Emily's arms. The blonde woman immediately broke into tears as she wrapped her arms around Emily.

"I'm sorry, JJ," Emily said softly. "I'm so sorry."

Will watched the two of them carefully as they hugged tightly. He found himself feeling a bit jealous of Emily. The brunette man wanted to be the one that JJ felt okay being vulnerable with. The blonde woman opened her eyes and saw that look in Will's eyes. She pulled away from Emily and kept her eyes on him.

"Be careful, please," Will said and nodded his head slightly at the two of them. Emily locked eyes with Will and smiled forcefully at him.

Both of them had the same look of suspicion in their eyes.

Tara: "Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them." Franklin P. Adams.

Chapter Text

Rossi: "The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury." Marcus Aurelius.

It had been two weeks since Mike's passing and funeral services were held. JJ seemingly stayed in the same curled position for hours on end. She was forced by Emily to take a leave of absence. Mike's death was the first major one she'd experience since she was a child. JJ hated sulking around the house, but she couldn't bring herself to do anything about it.

Will and the boys all continued with their daily lives while JJ's seemed to stop all over again. The blonde woman wasn't answering any calls or texts from anyone that wasn't Rachel. She was even avoiding Emily at this point. Grief seemed to suck the life out of her. She wanted to call Emily and just listen to her voice ramble on about everything and anything, but she couldn't find the energy to.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Shit," JJ whispered as she glanced over and saw Emily calling her. The blonde woman sighed heavily before reaching over and grabbing her phone. She declined the call, but the phone immediately started to ring again. JJ threw her head back as she answered it. "Hello?"

"Come downstairs," Emily said softly. JJ shut her eyes as she placed a hand against her forehead. "Come down, or I'll jump through the window Romeo and Juliet style."

"You're supposed to be at work," JJ mumbled as she looked over at the clock.

"And you're supposed to be thrilled by my presence anytime I'm around," Emily said and smiled widely against the phone. "I brought you something. I know your curiosity will get the best of you, so just come down here."

JJ huffed as she stood up and made her way down to the front door. She opened it and saw Emily standing there with a small smile on her face.

"I came to visit. I--I figured you might be hungry," Emily said and handed JJ a plate of food. The blonde woman furrowed her eyebrows as she saw Emily trying to tread softly over her word choice. "You haven't said anything for the past few days. I just wanted to do a wellness check myself."

JJ smiled softly as she looked down at the plate. "What is it?"

"A poor attempt at some stuffed bell peppers," Emily said and chuckled. JJ laughed for the first time in two weeks. The raven-haired woman's face brightened as she heard it. It was like music to her ears. "Why don't I help you out around here? You can take a wellness bath. I can heat up your food or order you something else? I just want to help."

JJ sighed softly as she reached forward and grabbed Emily's wrist. The raven-haired woman smiled as she was practically dragged into the house. The two of them looked down at the other's lips briefly, but JJ placed her hand on Emily's abdomen.

"I'm showering first," JJ said and formed a tight lip smile. Emily chuckled as she nodded her head. JJ handed Emily the plate before running back upstairs. The raven-haired woman sighed softly. At least she was seeing a little bit of her JJ back.

She glanced around the house, trying to decide what she'd tackle first. It wasn't totally out of order. The only main difference Emily could see is that there was a pillow and blanket out on the couch. This was an indicator that Will and JJ haven't shared a bed in a while.

The raven-haired woman placed her belongings and the plate down on the kitchen counter. She quickly made her way up the stairs as well. She walked into the primary bedroom and noticed the sheets only being undone on one side. Emily immediately grabbed the sheets and undid them. If JJ didn't have anything to wrap herself in, she wouldn't continue to lay down. The raven-haired woman was quite busy as JJ showered. She threw her sheets in the washer, heated up JJ's food, and cleaned up JJ's room slightly for her.

"Well, they smell amazing," JJ said as she walked into the kitchen. Emily turned and saw the blonde woman walking towards her with slightly wet hair. She smiled as JJ now stood right in front of her. "Thank you for forcing me to get up."

"That's my job," Emily said and ran her hand down JJ's back. The blonde woman nearly melted at that gesture alone. She looked at Emily with such tenderness in her eyes. "What?"

JJ didn't say anything as she wrapped her arms around Emily. The raven-haired woman was taken back but carefully snaked her arms around JJ as well. The two of them stood there in total silence, just listening to the sound of the other's heartbeat.

"I'm sorry I haven't had the chance to talk to him. I know I promised you that--"

"Are you kidding? JJ, I'm not going to have you talk to him right now. You're dealing with something traumatic," Emily said and looked down at JJ. "The last thing I want you to worry about is my feelings when you're feeling like this."

"I tried to talk to him and then Rachel called--"

"And that's okay. Let's just work it out later," Emily said and smiled softly at the blonde woman. JJ sighed as she nodded her head quickly. "Now, come on, let's eat."

"Wait," JJ said and grabbed Emily's arm. The raven-haired woman furrowed her eyebrows at JJ. She didn't have time to react as JJ pulled her in. It was slow, sweet, and chaste kiss. Emily's arms tried to pull JJ closer, but the blonde woman pulled away. "I've been dying to kiss you in here since the hostage situation."

"It feels weird," Emily said and leaned back against the counter. "I--I don't want to pressure you into talking to Will, but it is very weird having to act like I'm not a piece of shit."

"Welcome to my world," JJ said and smiled sarcastically. Her hands ran down the side of Emily's face as she studied each curve once again. "I love you."

"I love--"

The sound of keys at the front door made the two of them instantly pull away from each other. Emily immediately moved to grab both her and JJ a plate. The blonde woman quickly moved to the fridge and grabbed the pitcher of lemonade in there. Will heard the noise and glanced over at the kitchen.

"JJ?" Will called out as he slipped off his jacket. The brunette man walked into the kitchen and smiled forcefully at Emily. Clearly, he wasn't expecting her to be here. "Oh, hello Emily."

"Hi, Will. I'm sorry for popping over. I wanted to do a wellness check on JJ again," Emily said and gestured towards the blonde woman. JJ grabbed three cups from the cabinet and smiled over at her husband.

"Oh, don't worry. Uh, listen, JJ. Can I talk to you for a second?" Will asked as he ran his hand down his mouth. JJ furrowed her eyebrows as she walked over to Emily, who had her hand stretched out with a plate for JJ.

"I was just about to eat. What is it?" JJ asked and grabbed a fork from the drawer below her. Will looked back and forth between Emily and JJ. "And where are your work clothes? You told me you went in today."

"Emily mentioned that you left East Alleghany really young. You never told me anything about that. I mean you did, but probably not much in detail. I know you've been pretty depressed after Mike died. So I figured that bringing someone you haven't seen in a while might help fill a void," Will said and leaned over the counter. JJ took a bite of her food as she looked at him with a curious eye.

"As long as it's not my--"

"Will! Can I come in now?" a female voice said from the other side of the front door. JJ immediately dropped her fork at the sound of the voice.

"Mother," JJ said and clenched her jaw tightly. Emily immediately wished to be anywhere else in the world right now. She was especially praying for Will's safety for the second that she and Sandy both left.

"Come on in, Sandy," Will said and looked towards the door. JJ immediately buried her face into her hands. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs until she couldn't breath. JJ hadn't seen her mother since she was eighteen, she would have liked to keep it that way.

Sandy stepped into the kitchen with a large smile on her face. She wasn't at all what Emily pictured. She imagined Sandy as this cruel looking woman straight out of a villain origin story, not the sweet looking mother from a romance movie. The older woman immediately started walking up to JJ. The younger Jareau froze as her mother wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug. JJ looked over at Emily with a look that was screaming for help.

"How is my Jenny girl?" Sandy said as she pulled away from the half hug. JJ looked over at Will with daggers in her eyes. At that moment, she thought of twenty-three different ways of how to kill him when she got the chance. JJ forced a smile as she moved away from her mother.

"Good," JJ said simply as she walked over to the fridge. She contemplated grabbing a bottle of wine and just drinking it straight from it. Emily glanced over at Will who was scratching the back of his neck right now.

"I'm good too. Thank you for asking," Sandy said and smiled forcefully. She glanced over at Emily and tilted her head to the side. Emily immediately regretted not dressing like more of lesbian in this moment. She knew how cruel this woman was, she wanted to make Sandy as uncomfortable as possible. "And you are?"

"Emily Prentiss, Unit Chief of the Behavioral Analysis Unit, Federal Bureau of Investigation. I'm JJ's boss," Emily said and formed a tight smile towards Sandy. The older woman stuck out her hand to shake with Emily's but JJ stopped her.

"Don't do that," JJ said and inhaled sharply. She clenched her jaw tightly as she looked between Sandy and Will. "I'm going to go upstairs and enjoy the rest of my leave of absence."

"JJ--"

"Don't," JJ said and locked eyes with Will.

"Jennifer Rose--"

"Don't!" JJ shouted and held a finger up at her mother. The loud voice made all three of them jump slightly. Everyone could practically see the heat radiating off of JJ's skin. She was beyond livid. "Don't you dare call me that."

"It's the name I gave you, isn't it?" Sandy asked and tilted her head to the side. JJ chuckled forcefully.

"It's not my legal name anymore. I got that removed nearly three decades ago. It was one of the first things I did when I got enough money," JJ said and cocked her head to the side as she sucked her teeth. "So don't call me that."

"I don't believe it," Sandy said and crossed her arms over her chest. "I come all this way here from East Alleghany after you ran off at eighteen, just to be treated no better than a doormat."

"Jesus, don't flatter yourself. I treat my doormat better," JJ said and rolled her eyes. The blonde woman ran a hand through her hair as she chuckled bitterly. "Did it ever occur to you to ask yourself why I left?"

"I did! And I still didn't understand it. I gave you everything. I had one daughter who never saw seventeen and the other was a," Sandy said and clenched her jaw. The older woman shut her eyes as she stopped herself from finishing her sentence. Needless to say, only Emily, JJ, and Sandy knew what she was going to say. The slur was right on her tongue.

"The other what, mom?" JJ asked and clenched her jaw tightly. Her blue eyes were black with anger. "The other what."

"Who left. Who went away and stayed away for no good reason!" Sandy said and locked eyes with JJ. "You ran off and completely abandoned your family back home! For what? For you to be the kind of mother who isn't there for her kids? To have a husband staying home and taking care of them? I never understood why you packed your bag and left the second you turned eighteen."

"You have a hell of a lot of nerve to tell me that," JJ hissed as she took a step towards her mother. "Don't even start talking like you know what the meaning of family is."

"I think I will. I raised you and your sister good and well--"

"You are sick in the fucking head if you think that the parenting you did for Roz and I was any good!" JJ shouted and walked towards her mother. "She hated living in that house just as much as I did. She would tell me all the time."

"Don't you dare bring your sister into this!" Sandy yelled and took a step towards JJ.

"Why not? You did it all the time at every chance you got! You just did it! You constantly compared Roz and I even when she was six feet underground! You were the reason I never came back!" JJ shouted at the top of her lungs. The entire room went quiet as the two Jareau women finally stopped shouting at each other. "You were the reason I nearly kil--"

JJ stopped herself and turned away from Sandy. She had tears in her eyes as she placed a hand over her mouth and tried her hardest not to burst into tears. JJ felt sick to her stomach at that moment. Emily got up and quickly made her way over to her.

"JJ," Emily said softly. Her hand subconsciously went to JJ's waist to comfort her. Sandy's eyes fell on that small gesture before flicking her eyes back and forth between Emily and JJ. The blonde woman rolled her shoulders back as she turned to face her mother.

"You've done enough. Don't ever come back here," JJ whispered as walked outside into the backyard without another word. Emily didn't hesitate to follow after her. Sandy watched as the two of them sat down on the porch. JJ immediately fell into Emily's arms as she cried quietly.

The two of them were completely quiet with each other as JJ calmed down. Emily didn't mind the comforting silence that was interrupted by JJ's sniffles every now and then. The two of them heard Sandy and Will talking more after a few minutes outside. A couple of minutes later, they heard the door slam shut. JJ sighed in relief as she heard the car start in the driveway before slowly getting quieter and quieter.

"You asked me a long time ago why I hated roses," JJ said and smiled forcefully. Emily nodded her head as she continued to rub JJ's back in comfort. "My parents had a garden of them outside of the house I grew up in. There were a variety of different colors. Roz liked the light pink ones and I loved those bright, sickly red ones. My mom loved that flower so much, that's why she put my middle name to be Rose. I could smell the same cheap rose perfume she used to use too."

Emily's heart broke as she knew immediately where this story was going. The raven-haired woman simply kept quiet and just held onto JJ's hand. Her blue eyes were already filled with tears before she could even start her story.

"When I got kicked out, I cried myself to sleep for three days staring at those damn roses," JJ said and laughed bitterly. Her hand curled tightly around Emily's. "At one point, I know my mom went out and watered them when I was asleep. I woke up to a puddle next to them that hadn't dried. She took better care of those things than she did with me. So when I was allowed back in, anything that smelled like roses made me sick to my stomach. I hated them because they reminded me of how easy my parents were to toss me out. I hated myself every time I saw or smelled roses."

"I'm so sorry, JJ," Emily said and looked down at the ground in front of her. "I'm sorry you had to see her again."

"I never understood why they did it. You'd figure that they'd take extra care of the only daughter they have left. I got compared to Roz significantly more after she died than I ever did when she was alive. My parents had one perfect daughter and then she was gone. No matter what I did I just--I just felt like I was never good enough. I was a star soccer player, but never as good as Roz. I had straight-A's all throughout highschool. I was never a bad kid but I got treated like I was Satan himself," JJ said and swallowed harshly. "I told myself, I'd never be that kind of mom. I'd always make sure that Henry and Michael were loved beyond capability. I never wanted them to feel alone in this world. I want them to be able to ask me anything, even if it's for desserts or a movie night. My biggest fear is that I'm turning into her. If I do, I don't know what I'll do with myself."

"Well I can tell you right now, you are definitely not Sandy," Emily said and leaned her head against JJ's. "I know you, Jennifer Jareau. I know you will never do anything to hurt Henry and Michael. I know you put those boys before anything. You said it yourself that you have. You pour all of yourself into them. You're nothing like her. You will never be anything like her."

"I'm scared they're going to hate me after the divorce," JJ said and tilted her head up to hold back her tears. "If they hate me afterwards, I'd--I'd hate myself beyond words. I would have done the one thing I promised myself I would never do."

Emily stayed silent as she just held onto JJ. The raven-haired woman just looked ahead as she sighed quietly.

An hour later, Emily finally left JJ's house. JJ watched Emily leave as Will turned into the street. JJ watched as Emily got into her car and Will got out of his. The two said a quick goodbye to the other before they parted ways. JJ looked over at Will with dead eyes before walking back inside. The brunette man sighed heavily as he shut the door behind him.

"Can we talk about this, please?" Will asked and ran a hand down his face. JJ paused on her way to the kitchen as she looked over at the clock. Henry and Michael would be dropped off by their friend's mother soon. "What was that, JJ?"

"Will, I really don't want to have this con--"

"No, you don't get to do that. I feel like I'm being blamed for trying my hardest here, JJ!" Will said, raising his voice slightly. "How was I supposed to know you and your mother don't have a good relationship? I feel like you don't tell me anything!"

"You listen. That's how you figure it out," JJ said and placed both her hands down flat on the counter. "I told you about Mike way before our wedding. We went to his diner the time I told you I was pregnant! I told you about my mother because you insisted on inviting her for the holidays since Henry was born. I've told you everything, Will! You just don't listen."

"I was trying to help! I was trying to fix you," Will shouted. As soon as the words left his mouth, he placed a hand against his forehead. "That came out wrong--"

"I'm not broken, Will. I'm bent, I'm worn out, I'm cracked, but I am not broken," JJ said as she clenched her jaw. "You can't fix anything that's not broken."

"I didn't mean it like that," Will said as he buried his face into his hands. He tried to think back to those times that JJ was talking about. JJ just bit the inside of her cheek as she watched him. She didn't say anything as she walked by him and made her way up the stairs.

The brunette man sighed as he sat at the counter. He glanced over to the spot JJ was standing in earlier today. Will furrowed his eyebrows as he remembered Emily grabbing JJ by the waist. That action was way too natural between the two of them. Emily has been the only person that JJ has allowed to touch her fully when she's upset. It was never like that before the hostage situation, which is when JJ started acting strange. Will sat up in his seat as all the dots were connecting in his head.

"I'll be out late with Emily."

"Emily and I are going to stop for something to eat. I'll be home soon."

" I'm here at Emily's.  The boys and I wanted a  little bit of an  adventure."

"It can't be."

Matt: "Connecting the dots is not that rewarding of an experience." Damon Lindelof.

Chapter Text

JJ: "If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself." George Orwell.

Will woke up and ran a hand down his face. The brunette man sat up, stretching out his arms and legs with a soft sigh. He glanced over and saw JJ peacefully asleep. The two of them were finally back to sharing a bed for the first time in a few weeks. He admired her for a second, she looked perfect with her arms wrapped around the pillow beneath her. Will leaned over and kissed her shoulder softly.

He got up and immediately went downstairs. Will made sure to put the exact amount of creamer he liked in his travel mug. The brunette man quickly, and quietly, moved throughout the house as he got ready for work. It wasn't long until he was showered, dressed, and out the door with his coffee in hand.

Will felt like he was living on auto-pilot mode for the past few weeks. He felt like he was going crazy about JJ and Emily potentially having an affair. It didn't seem right. Emily had been a good friend to JJ for years before he met JJ. Emily was Michael's godmother for crying out loud. But she was over whenever JJ seemed to have a bad day, and it seemed like she knew JJ better than Will did.

The detective finally arrived at the police station. He smiled at each passing person that walked by. Will headed straight to his desk with his head swarming with different ideas. He set down his coffee before logging into his computer. He glanced around to see all his coworkers gathered by the coffee pot. He clenched his jaw as he looked down at the photo on his desk.

"Everyone gather for it! I didn't pay him for all of us not to be in it!" Rossi shouted as the entire crowd gathered in front of the cameraman. Will smiled widely as JJ wrapped her arms around his waist. "Cheers to the happily married couple!"

"Cheers!" everyone shouted and raised their champagne glasses. JJ and Will smiled widely as the held each other close. There was a bright flash as the picture was taken.

"I love you," Will said softly and kissed the side of JJ's head. The blonde woman placed her hand on his chest as she leaned forward.

"And I love you," JJ said and brushed her nose against his.

Will clenched his jaw as he forced himself to look away from the picture. He sighed heavily as he immediately logged into the database. He typed in Emily's name, hoping for anything to pop up. He sat back in his seat and ran his hand down his mouth. The small circle going around and around made him more anxious every passing second.

Nothing.

Will sat up in his seat before typing away on a new browser search. He typed in Emily's name once again and saw countless news interview clips, other people with her same name, and the FBI's official page of her. Every article talked about Emily like she was a goddess here to save us all. It drove him crazy that he wasn't finding a lead to anything that can either ease his mind or catch them. He went back and forth between all the search engines. It was almost like Emily didn't exist on the internet. The only proof she was alive was by seeing her in person each time she went over.

Will ran his hands threw his hair as he leaned his elbows on the desk. Trying to find any dirt on Emily wasn't possible. She was a well known member of the FBI, Interpol, and other intelligent agencies. You don't get up there by being an overtly nice person. There was only one way that Will could figure out if anything was going on.

"And then I told the worker that it's possible to still have germs on the scoop no matter how long you rinse it in the water bath," Spencer said and nodded his head slightly. Penelope felt her skin crawl at that fact. The last thing she wanted was to have to look at an ice cream scoop differently. "That's why the CDC recommends hot soapy water, not cold water."

"Remind me never to eat ice cream with you again unless it's from a tub," Penelope said and shook her head. The brunette man formed a tight lip smile as he shrugged his shoulders. "Please retrain from telling me about the poisonous things chocolate chip cookie dough can do to my body. I'd rather live in bliss."

Spencer chuckled as he sat against Penelope's desk. The blonde woman pointed a finger as she squinted her eyes at him. The two of them were about to continue their conversation when the phone started to ring. Spencer furrowed his eyebrows as he recognized the number and immediately grabbed the phone in Penelope's office.

"Hello?" Spencer said as he pressed the phone to his ear. Will immediately glanced around him before clearing his throat. "Will? Is everything alright?"

"I need your help. Is Penelope there?" Will asked as he rolled up his shirt sleeves. Spencer tilted his head slightly as he put the phone on speaker.

"We're both here. What's going on?" Spencer asked as he stuffed a hand into his pocket. Will gulped as he glanced at Emily in the picture. It made him disgusted to think she could ever betray him like this.

"Is there something going on that I should know about with JJ and Emily?" Will asked and clenched his jaw. "You two know everything that goes on in that team. I just need to clear my head. I—I need to know."

Spencer's heart started racing as he looked over at Penelope. He just furrowed his eyebrows as Penelope looked up at him equally confused. He sat down in the chair right next to Penelope as she tried to understand what exactly Will was asking.

"What? You—You think JJ and Emily are somehow seeing each other?" Penelope asked and smiled nervously. "Do you even hear yourself, Will? I mean you're JJ's husband! You're great! And JJ and Emily have been friends for years! They have a lot of love for each other but jumping to that conclusion is just out of this world."

"How long as JJ been staying late?" Will asked and crossed an arm over his chest. Penelope stammered as she looked over at Spencer. "Spencer, how late has she been staying?"

"Penelope and I car pool together to work. We leave the office pretty early since Penelope goes home to Sergio. We've been car pooling for weeks now, so we don't know who stays the latest," Spencer said and licked his lips. That was his own tell. Of course, Penelope didn't notice or know of it, but he felt his heart ache having to lie to Will.

"Does Tara know? Or Matt and Luke? Rossi?" Will asked and tried to hide the panic in his voice. He sighed heavily before scratching the back of his neck. "I just feel something off with JJ. I don't know what it is, but my mind is telling me something is happening. Penelope, I normally wouldn't ask this, but I need you to look into it. I'm—I'm worried."

"I can, but Will, there's no gurantee that I'll find anything. JJ is just going through a rough time. A lot of trauma has happened to her within the past two months. Emily is an amazing boss and an even better friend. She glued together my unicorn mug when I was sad and brought me cookies when I was feeling depressed," Penelope said and looked over at Spencer with eyes of encouragment. "She flew half way across the world for JJ. There's love there, Will, but not the kind you're thinking of. We would have known about something happening if that was the case."

Spencer swallowed harshly as he nodded his head. Will tilted his head back as he ran his hand down his face. He just stared off blankly at JJ in their wedding photo. It hurt him to even think that this was happening.

"Alright. Just look into it for me, please. Thank you both," Will said as he hung up the phone without another word. Penelope's jaw dropped as Spencer stuffed his phone into his pocket. He felt like his heart was going to come shooting out of his mouth. His hands were sweating as he tried to play it cool. He was resisting the urge to burst out of the room and run across the city to go tell JJ what was happening.

"Wow. JJ and Emily?" Penelope asked as she looked up at Spencer. She noticed the way that the color left his face. He looked at Penelope and swallowed harshly and shrugged his shoulders. "You're doing the thing."

"What thing?" Spencer asked and furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm—I'm just as stunned as you are! It seemed like JJ and Will were fine. She hasn't told me anything. She would have told one of us."

"That's true," Penelope said and scratched the back of her hand. That was Penelope's tell to the rest of the team. She was extremely nervous as she turned to her computer.

"What are you doing? Are you actually looking?" Spencer asked and jolted forward in his chair. "Isn't that against the team moratorium?"

"The team moratorium doesn't apply when there's accusations of infidelity. Plus, it's what Will wanted. I just want to be sure to clear JJ's name so we can stop thinking of her like this," Penelope said as she typed away at her computer. Spencer felt his head start spinning as Penelope looked up JJ's name. She blonde woman pulled up JJ's call log. The blonde woman continued typing as she searched JJ's phone as it was being in use. She looked through JJ's and Emily's text messages, finding nothing suspicious being sent from either party. It was the usual boring work text messages that everyone was used to from Emily.

Spencer bit the inside of his cheek as Penelope filtered through JJ's pictures. There was nothing abnormal, just an average mother's photo roll filled with her sons, her baking attempts, and a form every now and then from work. Penelope even made sure to double check the work logs that Emily made sure to sign off. The blonde woman was always here after Emily left.

"What kind of car does JJ have? For some reason my search for her through the DMV isn't working," Penelope said and hovered her hands over the keyboard. Spencer scratched the side of his face nervously.

"I don't know. Why are you trying to look at her car?" Spencer asked and bit the inside of his cheek.

"There might be a GPS on her car if it's a newer model. That would be the last thing I need to clear her name," Penelope said and looked over at Spencer. The brunette man scrunched his face up, acting like he was thinking really hard about it. "Maybe I can try her—"

"Let me go ask Emily about it. Or maybe I'll call JJ," Spencer said and gestured towards the door. He didn't give Penelope time to protest as he ran out of the door. He ran into the nearest empty office as he grabbed his phone. Since he knew Penelope was checking her personal cellphone, he made sure to call JJ's landline. The phone ran a couple of times before JJ finally answered the phone. "JJ."

"Spence," JJ said and furrowed her eyebrows. She was in the middle of pouring her morning coffee when she answered the phone. "What's going? Why are you calling me through the—"

"Penelope is going through your personal things," Spencer spat out as fast as he could. JJ stopped in her tracks and glanced over at her phone. "We got a call from Will and he's worried."

"What did—"

"Penelope is believing him. She's searching your text messages, your photos, your GPS on your car, everything. She's checking it," Spencer said and glanced back over at the door. JJ immediately went cold as she stood frozen. "I tried to get her to stop—"

"My GPS on my car?" JJ asked and finally found the strength to move from her position. She patted her pockets down before turning and grabbing them.

"Don't worry. I know your car deletes all the information from the GPS monthly. It reset it yesterday, thankfully. But I would just toggle it," Spencer said and stuffed a hand into his pocket. "Listen, JJ—"

"I know what you're going to say," JJ whispered as she shut her eyes. She leaned back against the counter and took a deep breath in. "I'm sorry you had to lie to him. I know it wasn't easy."

"He deserves to know the same way Emily did," Spencer said softly. "Take it easy today. I'd just talk to him as soon as possible. I'm going to tell Emily. I know if Penelope gets off the phone with Will, he's probably going to go after you and Emily to get answers. He'll probably single out Emily first and I wouldn't want her to be unprepared."

"You're right. Thank you, Spence. For everything," JJ said and smiled into the phone. "I'll see you all when I get back."

"Of course," Spencer said and nodded his head once. The two of them didn't say anything else as they hung up the phone. JJ swallowed harshly before tightening her grip on the phone in her hand.

"God, how could you do this?" JJ asked herself as she slammed the phone down.

"There you are! I realized I accidentally misspelled JJ's last name. My hands aren't good at typing when I'm all nervous. But her car does factory reset the GPS every month. It got cleared yesterday. I found her DMV registration," Penelope said and smiled back to Spencer who walked back into her lair. "I've got to call Will to ease his mind. Thanks for your help."

"You're welcome," Spencer said and walked out of the room. He felt like he was going to pass out as he walked into the bullpen.

"You okay, Reid? You look a little pale," Matt said as he saw Spencer enter the bullpen. The brunette man nodded his head as he furrowed his eyebrows. The three other agents all watched as he made his way up to Emily's office.

"He's definitely not okay," Luke said and shook his head slightly.

"Yeah, obviously," Tara said and nodded her head in agreement.

"Reid?" Emily asked as he stormed into her office. She stood up and straightened out her blazer. "What's going on?"

"Will called," Spencer said and undid his tie quickly. He started pacing back and forth in front of Emily's desk. "I had to come in here and tell you. Will is getting suspicious of the two of you with your affair."

"W--What are you talking about?" Emily asked and furrowed her eyebrows. Spencer turned to her and ran his clammy hands down his chest.

"JJ told me everything. I found out at Rossi's wedding about how she felt about you. JJ confessed her love for you to me during the hostage because she needed you to hear it before she—if she had—anyways, she told me. She loves you more than words can ever describe, Emily. She loves you with everything in her and that scares the crap out of her. She told me about your fights, dates, and how much she wants to just be with you and the boys. She tells me everything because I'm the only person she could trust with it. She knew I wouldn't tell anyone else," Spencer rambled and finally took a deep breath. He took a step towards Emily and held a hand out. "I'm not judging you for doing anything with JJ. If I ever knew what it was like to love someone that deeply, I'd probably do the same. I just can't have Will find out through Penelope. JJ should be the one to tell him. I've been telling her since she confessed to me to divorce him if she's that unhappy. But she's—"

"She's JJ. She doesn't want to hurt anyone with anything she does, even if that means sacrificing her own happiness," Emily said and kept her eyes down on the floor. "She was going to tell Will the day Mike died. I know it's a risk between us. I know I'm a terrible person for being involved with a very married woman. If it comes down to it, I'll talk to Will myself. I'm so tired of hiding all of this. I'm tired of looking over my shoulder in my own apartment. I'm tired of being scared that there's a camera in my office that will expose us at any time. I'm petrified, Spencer. I'll talk to—"

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Penelope walked in and looked between the two agents. She shut the door behind her and leaned against it. "What's the matter, Penelope?"

"I found an encrypted file at the end of my search about JJ. It was from the court house. I didn't know that JJ's middle name was Rose," Penelope said and looked at Emily with tears in her eyes. Spencer tensed as he knew exactly what this meant for Emily. "Please tell me that doesn't mean what I think it means."

Emily's jaw slacked as she looked between the two agents in her office. She saw movement coming from out of her office and saw Tara, Luke, and Matt all staring up at the office. The raven-haired woman looked over at Penelope.

"What are you implying?" Emily asked and rolled her shoulder back.

JJ sat at her couch nearly all day. The blonde woman just tried to think about what she was going to tell Will. She knew she was in the wrong for cheating on him. She knew that crystal clear. But Emily was a breath of fresh air to JJ. The blonde woman felt alive whenever she was around Emily. She couldn't apologize for the way Emily made her feel. She needed to leave and get out of her head. She needed someone to tell her like it was, even if it hurt her. Which lead her here.

"You look like hell," a female voice said and chuckled. JJ picked her head up and saw Rachel walking over to her with two coffee mugs. Since Mike's passing, Rachel pushed herself to keep going forward. The last thing she'd do is leave Mike's restaurant to sink. It was all she had left of him. "One coffee with a tad bit of creamer and one packet of sugar for Jennifer Jareau."

"Thanks Rachel," JJ said and carefully grabbed the mug Rachel was handing her. The older woman slid into the booth and sighed softly. "How have you—"

"JJ, honey, please spare me from the small talk. You're a profiler. You can see that I've been to the fifth ring of hell and back," Rachel said and ran a hand down her face. "You've got that same look from when you were a teenager working here. Something is eating you alive, and you've come here to have me knock some sense into you."

"And I'm the profiler," JJ said sarcastically before taking a sip of her coffee. It was perfect. JJ's tight throat felt the hot coffee instantly relax it."

Rachel scoffed as she shook her head. The two women took another sip of their coffee as they looked at each other. Rachel cleared her throat and leaned forward against the table.

"Alright, look. You, Jennifer Jareau, need to stick up for yourself. And I mean that with the good and the bad parts of you," Rachel said and pointed a finger at her. "You own up to the mistakes you've made, you right your wrongs, and you definitely take responsibility for your damn actions. You need to also learn that sometimes, things aren't meant to be. Will looked like a knight in shining armor that saved you from this misery. You love him, I know that for a fact. But you cannot help it that the person you've been loved with all these years wasn't standing in front of you. You proved your love for him and your family by staying here with them even when you felt like running. It's your fault for not saying anything sooner, but don't you dare apologize for loving Emily. You apologize for hurting him."

JJ crossed her arms over her chest as her eyes began to water. "I stayed because of Henry and Michael. I love my family and he's a part of it."

"Tell him that," Rachel said as she placed her hand out on the table. "You can't change who you love, Jenny. Even if you convince yourself well enough."

"God, why did I do this?" JJ said and buried her face into her hands. "I'm such a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have done any—"

"Don't. Don't you dare do that," Rachel said and pointed her finger at JJ. The blonde woman dropped her hands onto the table and looked at Rachel with tears in her eyes. "Don't you ever apologize for who you love, JJ. Only those you hurt."

JJ felt her phone buzz and immediately grabbed it.

Will: I'll be out late tonight. The boys want to grab a drink after work.

"Tell him, Jenny. He has a right to know," Rachel said and placed her hand on top of JJ's. "Now I need a distraction. Do you want your usual?"

Emily: "We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell.

Chapter Text

Luke: "Tasting what could have been—what should have been—didn't make it easier." Kele Moon.

One week later:

"Order up!" the cook shouted as he rang the bell. A young JJ grabbed both the hot plates before swiftly moving out towards the tables.

"Here you go," JJ said as she placed down the plates in front of each person. They both smiled up at her and thanked her before she left. The blonde teenager sighed heavily as she walked into the back. She shut her eyes for a second before crashing into someone. "Shit! Sorry, Rachel."

"Jenny, honey, are you alright?" Rachel asked as she placed a hand on JJ's forehead. The teenager flinched away from her touch. Rachel sucked her teeth as she watched JJ fix her hair in her ponytail. The older woman sighed as she looked over at the cook. "How long has she been at it?"

"Rachel, I'm fine—"

"Since eight o'clock this morning," the cook said and cracked under Rachel's harsh stare. JJ glared at the young man who had his hands up in defense. "Don't hate me blondie. Rachel is scary."

"And I appreciate your honesty, Dylan," Rachel said over her shoulder. She placed her hands on both of JJ's shoulders. "Tell thing one and thing two that we're taking our break now."

"But Rachel I—"

"Break. Now," Rachel said and spun JJ around. The red-headed woman undid JJ's apron before handing it to her. The two walked out of the kitchen and towards an empty booth. Rachel practically forced the teenager down to sit. "Now wait here. I'm bringing us some water."

The young blonde woman sighed as she buried her face into her hands. She was exhausted to say the least. She was currently taking five classes at Georgetown, babysitting on the side to make more money, and working full time at the dinner. This was her second year at Georgetown, she was barely half way with her degree. Needless to say, JJ was feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders at this moment.

"You are going to work yourself to death, my darling," Rachel said as she placed a water in front of JJ. Rachel sighed as she slid into the booth side across from her. "Have you eaten?"

"Mike made me some food when he saw that I hadn't taken a break in a while," JJ said and scratched the back of her neck. She grabbed the water in front of her and practically started chugging it through the straw.

"And I'll do it again," Mike said as he walked up to the two of them. JJ pulled her water away from her mouth and just kept her eyes on the ground. Rachel and Mike both looked at JJ with such sadness in their eyes. "Rachel, go get me a plate from the kitchen. Tell Dylan it's on me."

"You got it," Rachel said and tapped her hand on the table twice. The two older adults switched positions. Mike sighed as he sat across JJ.

"Please do the parenting thing quickly so I can start with my tables again," JJ said and slumped her head forward. Her lips wrapped around the straw as she sadly sipped her water.

"You are sitting here until you've properly rested," Mike said and pointed his finger at JJ. "Rachel is right, Jenny. You work yourself too hard. Hell, I can practically see the stress on your shoulders right now."

JJ realized her posture and sat up without missing a beat. Mike chuckled as he ran a hand down his face. "I only work hard since you and Rachel taught me to."

"Rachel and I didn't teach you to nearly kill yourself waiting on table three's hash browns," Mike said and tilted his head to the side. JJ huffed as she sank back into her seat. The blonde woman kept her eyes down onto the table in front of her. "Jenny, let me ask you something serious."

"Anything," JJ said and shyly glanced up at Mike again.

"Are you happy right now?" Mike asked and tilted his head to the side. JJ stared at him blankly as she sighed heavily. "Genuinely happy?"

"Not at this particular moment, no. But I want this, Mike. There's no way in hell I'm going to give up when I'm so close," JJ said and slumped forward. "I can live my life to the fullest after I've graduated and paid my debt off to you."

"Your own happiness has to come first, Jenny. Remember to stop and smell the flowers sometimes," Mike said and winked at her. The blonde woman nearly bursted into the tears as he replaced the word 'roses' to not make her uncomfortable. "And don't think I'm sitting at my desk counting how much money you owe me. My payment is seeing you walk across that stage to get your degree with your head high and love for yourself in your heart. That's the walk of life, Jenny. Remember that."

"I'll try to," JJ said and smiled softly at Mike. Rachel walked up to the both of them and placed a plate in front of JJ. The red headed woman raised an eyebrow as JJ looked up at her.

"Eat or I'll hurt you," Rachel warned and pointed a finger at JJ. The blonde woman instantly grabbed the fork and took a quick bite of the scrambled eggs. JJ didn't break eye contact with Rachel as she chewed. Mike couldn't help but laugh at the sass of JJ listening to Rachel.

What broke JJ's daydreaming mind was a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Emily standing there. "Hi."

"Hi," Emily said quietly. They were just on their way back from a case. The two women have been distant with the other since Will had called Spencer and Penelope. "May I join you?"

"You don't have to ask," JJ said and took her foot off the seat in front of her. Emily smiled as she slid in and clasped her hands in front of her on the table. JJ just smiled softly at her as she tilted her head against the window. She noticed the way Emily was fidgeting and how the light reflected off of her differently. "Okay, let's talk."

Emily cleared her throat softly as she glanced over at the sleeping team. She bit her lip before looking back at JJ. "There has been a rumor floating around—"

"Emily," JJ said and shut her eyes. The raven-haired woman reached her hand out and placed it in front of JJ.

"JJ, please let me finish," Emily said and looked at JJ with sadness in her eyes. "Meet me in my office. This is more of a private matter."

"Yes ma'am," JJ said jokingly as she smiled shyly at Emily. The raven-haired woman smiled back before getting up. It was strange that Emily didn't stay with her. Even if there was nothing to be said, sitting next to each other was comforting to JJ. She didn't think twice about it, Emily was probably going to get some coffee before returning back to her seat.

It worried JJ when twenty minutes passed and there was still no sign of Emily. The blonde woman turned back and saw Emily doing some paperwork at the opposite end of the jet. JJ contemplated whether to go offer her coffee or a drink, but she decided it'd be best to leave her be.

After an hour of agony, the team finally landed back in Washington DC. The team all piled into the two SUVs as they headed back to Quantico. JJ and Emily were completely silent with the other the entire car ride. Tara and Matt both painfully noticed the tension between the two. They'd glance to each other from time to time when they thought JJ or Emily would say something, but nothing ever happened.

"Alright team, good job on this case. Go home and get some rest," Emily announced as everyone got out of the two SUVs. Her eyes caught JJ's as she grabbed her bag from the trunk.

"You too, boss. You look exhausted," Luke said and gently patted Emily's back. The raven-haired woman just smiled weakly as the team all said their goodbyes.

"I've got to finish up some paperwork. I promise I won't stay too late," Emily said and nodded her head slightly.

"You coming, JJ?" Tara asked as she tilted her head towards the parking garage. The blonde woman stared blankly at her as her mind was trying to come up with an excuse. Granted, JJ was so exhausted that it was taking a minute. "JJ?"

"I forgot to grab some files. I promised Emily I'd turn them in by tomorrow. Don't worry about me, I'll just leave with Emily," JJ said and waved off the other agents. Spencer's eyes quickly flicked over to Emily who was trying her best to physically, and mentally, distance herself from the conversation. All four other agents just tilted their head up as they watched JJ carefully. "Goodnight guys."

"Goodnight you two," Matt said and waved off the two women. Three of the four agents didn't say anything else as they made their way over to their cars. Rossi glanced back and saw that they were a good distance away.

"You have to hide that something is bothering the two of you better. I wasn't even in the car and I could feel it," Rossi said as his eyes flicked to both JJ and Emily. The two women's jaw dropped as Rossi raised a finger at them. "Whatever it is, fix it. I could hear the ideas coming from all three of their heads."

"But Rossi—"

"Ah," Rossi said and pointed his finger at Emily. The raven-haired woman immediately stopped her sentence and bit her lip. "Goodnight. I'll see you both tomorrow."

JJ and Emily didn't say a word as they watched Rossi walk towards his car. The two of them looked at each other with curious stares. They had wondered if Rossi knew about what they had been doing. Emily shut the trunk of the SUV before locking it.

"Come on. I don't want you to stay late," Emily said and headed towards the elevator. The blonde woman nodded her head as she grabbed her bag and followed after Emily. The wait for the elevator and the ride made both of them want to crawl out of their skin. The other wasn't saying anything just in case the other would get mad.

It wasn't long until the two women finally made it up to the empty bullpen. It was completely empty from all agents. Even Penelope had left a few hours ago. The two quickly made their way up to Emily's office before shutting the door.

Emily sighed softly as she dropped her bag and sunk into the desk chair behind her. JJ let out a sigh of relief as she sat directly across from Emily. Her feet felt like they were on fire and her eyelids hurt to stay open now that she was sitting in a comfortable chair.

"Emily, please tell me what's going on," JJ said and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Emily sighed softly as she turned to JJ.

"Well, rumor has it that there is a scandalous affair going on in the BAU currently," Emily said and swallowed harshly. "It started as a theory when Will called Penelope to dig through your phone log, our text messages, and GPS on your car."

JJ buried her face into her hands as she sat up. This was definitely worse than she could have imagined.

"She connected the dots that you're Rose. She found the encrypted file of your name change. She confronted me about it but I just denied it—"

"I love Penelope, but why is it that she has access to the database and can go behind my back like that? We had an agreement as a team to not look through personal stuff when it's not case related," JJ said and crossed her arms. "But what? Will calls in a favor and it's perfectly fine to invade my privacy? How do I not know she's not doing it again? Hell, to anyone on the team?"

"JJ—"

"How is that okay?" JJ asked as she clenched her jaw.

"It's not!" Emily snapped and raised her voice. JJ looked at her with eyes of disbelief. "I can't suspend Penelope because I did a damn good job at convincing her that it wasn't you. If I do suspend her, which I have every right to, it'll only turn eyes on both of us."

"My encrypted files are nobody's business—"

"They are now," Emily said and leaned both her elbows onto the desk in front of her. She ducked her head down as her fingers ran through her hair. She sighed heavily as she shut her eyes. Emily took a second to breath before picking her head up and looking at JJ. The blonde woman was looking at her with eyes of despair. She was terrified of what Emily was going to say. Emily cleared her throat before biting the inside of her cheek. "We need to end this."

"No," JJ said and sat back in her seat. Emily sighed and crossed her arms.

"JJ—"

"No," JJ said sternly. The two women had their jaws clenched as they looked at each other. Both felt like they were slowly turning into stone due to the harsh stare. "Emily, you and I both know that the team will sense something is wrong if that happens. They already are getting suspicious! Both of us are going to isolate from each other. You cannot possibly think that this is a good idea."

"What choice do we have, JJ? Seriously, what can we do about this?" Emily asked and ran a hand down her face. "This can come down on both of us if word starts spreading more. I will not have both of our careers be jeopardized because of this! You cannot be serious to think that the integrity of the BAU wouldn't be shattered if this got out! This would have not happened if you just told Will—"

"I'm going to stop you right there before you say something that makes me sound like a common criminal and you like a patron saint," JJ said as she held a hand up to Emily. The raven-haired woman scoffed as she titled her head up slightly. The blonde woman stood up and placed her hands flat against the desk in front of her. "We both are guilty here. I didn't lure you in when you were at a helpless state. I didn't put a gun to your head. I told you what being with me would come with and you said you were ready. I told you I wanted to tell Will that day when my godforsaken mother came into my house. You told me not to. Don't try to pin this all on me when we are both guilty here, Emily."

"You are not the Unit Chief of this team," Emily said through her teeth. She stood up, mirroring JJ's body language. "I am. I have to be a symbol to this team even if that means breaking on the inside. Even if that means losing everything!"

"And you don't think I have everything resting on my shoulders too?" JJ shouted and furrowed her eyebrows. "If Will found out about this, I'd lose my boys! You know I stayed with Will for the Henry and Michael! You know how much I've sacrificed for them, Emily. You were one of those things! Breaking this off isn't going to promise that we won't do anything like this again. You and I both know that."

"I won't. I told you long before we started this affair that nothing will get in the way of staying here and climbing the later, JJ, nothing!" Emily shouted and stood up straight. "You have a husband that you were happily married to—"

"I'm not happily married to him, Emily. I hate this marriage!" JJ shouted as she ran both her hands down her face.

"Then act like you love him, it wasn't that hard before!" Emily shouted and locked eyes with JJ. The blonde woman was taken back by Emily's harshness. The raven-haired woman took a step back as she collected her thoughts.

"I don't love him anymore. You, of all people, should understand that I cannot sit there and act like a happy housewife when I'm miserable. Each time I try to tell him, something gets in the way," JJ said and balled her hands into fists. She took a deep breath as she slowly released her grip. "I don't want to be miserable, and I don't lie to anyone anymore. I'm so tired of thinking about what a terrible person I am for finally being happy. I'm tired, Emily."

The two women fell in an uncomfortable silence as JJ shut her eyes. She ran her hands through her hair before sighing softly. She carefully made her way around Emily's desk. The raven-haired woman tried to resist looking at JJ. Emily felt like she was about to burst into tears at how careful JJ was being with her. Her hands gently went up and caressed the side of Emily's face.

"I love you, Emily Prentiss, and you love me," JJ said and held eye contact with her. Emily could see the desperation that JJ had in her eyes. She didn't want Emily to give up, not yet. "That's all that matters. There are CEOs and big business men that are literal criminals who don't have their reputations ruined. You should not be looked at like you're worse than them because you love me."

Emily carefully placed her hands on JJ's and tore them away from her. "It'll ruin everything, JJ. Maybe—Maybe this was a mistake."

Hearing these words felt like someone stabbed JJ right in the heart. She already heard it once before coming from Emily, and hearing it twice was something she didn't need. Emily looked into JJ's eyes and saw a mixture of hurt and disbelief. JJ immediately pulled her hands away from Emily and took a step back from her.

"JJ—"

"Okay," JJ said and swallowed her tears. The blonde woman took another step back and moved her eyes to the floor. Emily felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. She had seen JJ cry multiple times, all hurting to bear witness to, but now she was crying because of her. JJ let out a puff of breath as she turned and grabbed her bag.

Emily was frozen in her stance. She couldn't reach or call for JJ. The raven-haired woman watched as she gathered her things before making her way to the door. JJ placed her hand on the doorknob but couldn't bring herself to walk out of the door.

"No matter what I do, I'm never enough for you. I can bend myself in half, shatter myself completely, ruin the entire world around me, and I still don't think it'll be enough. You've made me feel like this twice already," JJ said over her shoulder, clenching her jaw tightly. She could feel and hear her heart pounding out of her chest. "I'm talking to Will tomorrow. Not about you, but about a divorce. I want to be good enough for someone in this lifetime. If not to you or to him, then to myself and my boys. I owe myself happiness finally. I just—I stupidly thought it'd be different this time. I thought maybe this time I wouldn't be a mistake to you, but right now, God, you are the biggest mistake to me."

JJ didn't say anything else as she walked out of the door. In the back of her mind, she was praying that Emily would run after her and apologize to her. She was hoping that Emily would grab her and say she'd choose her. But she quickly realized that Emily was probably wishing the same. She turned back and saw Emily carefully making her way towards the window. The raven-haired woman was crying as she looked at JJ.

JJ shut her eyes as she took a deep breath in. She glanced up at Emily one last time before making her way out of the bullpen. She sighed softly as she pulled out her phone. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning, she needed to get home.

The blonde woman sighed softly as she eventually made her way down to her car. She was completely on autopilot as she drove down the familiar streets of Washington DC. JJ couldn't erase the look of hurt on Emily's face when she turned back to look at her. The blonde woman tried to convince herself that this was for the best, and it was something that Emily needed to hear. Sadly, she couldn't shake the guilt of laying that kind of disrespect onto Emily.

JJ finally arrived at home and shut off her engine. She grabbed her phone and saw no calls or text messages. The blonde woman hated herself as she pulled up Emily's contact and hit the call button. Her elbow rested on the car door as she sank back, listening to the ringing of the line. It rang for a few moments before going to voicemail.

"Hey, it's Emily. Leave me a message."

"Uh, hey. I know it's late and maybe you're already home, but I couldn't step out of my car without calling you. I'm sorry for what I said. I overstepped a line that I shouldn't have. I was just so angry in that moment, but that doesn't justify it. I know you want the team to take a few days off, but I can't wait that long to see you again," JJ said as her thumb and pointer finger pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry, Emily. Let's sleep on it tonight and we can figure something out. I—I don't want to lose you again, Emily. You're not a mistake to me, you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I want you, please remember that."

JJ sighed loudly as she hung up the phone. The blonde woman clenched her jaw tightly as she looked at the house she called a home. This place that was once filled with so much love, only brought JJ more heartbreak each time she'd see it.

Jennifer Jareau hated the white picket fence ideology she was living in. She loved her sons, and she loved Will as their father, but seeing this house only reminded her of her inability to stand up for herself. It wasn't only against Will, but Emily too. She sacrificed so much to make everyone around her happy while missing out on her own happiness in the meantime.

Now that she decided to be selfish with her happiness for once, she felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was stuck in the middle. One thing was for sure, she'd hurt people along the way and hate herself at the end of it all.

Matt: "You willed yourself to where you are today, so will yourself out of it." Stephen Richards.

Chapter Text

Emily: "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." E.E. Cummings.

"Come on down, Henry! You'll miss the car ride and we can't take you!" Will shouted as he walked over to the stairs. The young boy came running down the stairs with a pep to his step. "Come on. Miss Williams is coming to pick you and Michael up any minute now."

"And we'll be gone for three days," Henry said as he looked up at his father. "Mom is going to have a lot of time to bake for us."

Will chuckled as he placed his hand onto Henry's back. "Yes she will. Come on."

Michael and JJ walked down the stairs hand in hand with a small suitcase. The younger boy was practically clinging onto her with all his strength. Will looked up at JJ and smiled softly.

"Remember, wash your hands before you eat, thank Miss Williams for each meal you're given, and don't play so rough with your friends. It's not every day that you get invited to a three day slumber party," JJ said as she looked down at Michael. When she reached the bottom she looked over at Henry. The older boy nodded his head slightly as he quickly packed last minute essentials. "Make sure to share your games with the other kids there too."

"We know," Henry said and zipped up his bag. The two boys quickly finished packing before hugging Will tightly. JJ tore her eyes away from the hug. She already felt like a terrible person for planning to split up this marriage, she didn't need to be reminded of it every single second. That was until she felt two arms wrap around her. JJ glanced down and saw Michael hugging her with all his strength. Henry walked up to JJ and shut his eyes as he hugged his mom tightly. "It's only for three days."

"I know, but I'll miss you every second," JJ said and placed her hands on either of the boys' heads. All three of them shut their eyes as they enjoyed the peace of their hug. JJ never wanted to let them go. She wanted to take the boys with her and run where ever she'd go next. She wanted to shield them from the hurt that they were about to live in. She couldn't help but pray to the universe for a way out of this situation without hurting them. That was JJ's one wish but now is becoming a harsh reality. "I love you both. Don't forget that."

"We're going for the weekend, mom," Michael said and giggled up at his mother. JJ smiled genuinely as she combed a hand through his hair. "We'll be back."

"I know," JJ said and leaned her head against Henry's. Just then, the sound of a car honking was heard. JJ's embrace tightened as this was the last time Henry and Michael would step out of this house with two 'happily' married parents. Both boys pulled away from JJ and grabbed their things in a hurry. JJ watched as they both gave her a quick final hug goodbye to her and Will before running out the door.

She didn't hear a single thing being said between Will and Miss Williams, all her attention was on the two boys climbing into the car.  Henry and Michael both started laughing as they saw their friends in the car with them. JJ's heart was full. She was thankful that they were happy at this moment. She loved seeing that no matter how old they got. Henry turned and noticed his mother watching them carefully. He waved and smiled widely at her. JJ waved and smiled back before blowing a kiss. Henry waved one last time at his mom before shutting the door.

JJ didn't say anything else as she retreated inside the house. Will shut the door and followed her to the kitchen. He grabbed a water bottle that he had opened and chugged the rest of the small amount in there. "I wish they weren't growing up so fast sometimes."

"I do too," Will said as he stepped on the hatch for the trashcan. He threw his empty water bottle into the left trashcan before walking away. JJ clicked her tongue as she opened it and grabbed the bottle.

"Remember, right is for recycling. We're trying to be semi-decent people to the planet," JJ said and threw the bottle into the correct bin. She sighed deeply as she placed her hands on her hips. "So—"

"What do you want to do for lunch?" Will asked and placed his hands onto the counter. JJ pursed her lips. Lunch was the last thing on her mind right now. "My head is hurting from all the paperwork I've been doing at work. I'm craving a chicken sandwich with the sweet potato curly fries."

"From that place on fifth street?" JJ asked and gestured towards that general direction.

"Yeah! I've been meaning to go on my lunch break but I haven't had the time," Will said and shrugged his shoulders. JJ bit the inside of her cheek as she looked down at the ground. "I mean that's only if you--"

"No, I'll go get it. I want to have lunch with you before we talk," JJ said and smiled softly. She walked over to the door, slipping on her shoes, and grabbing her keys and purse.

"You're the best. I love you," Will said and smiled softly at JJ. The blonde woman didn't say anything as she left the house. Will sighed in relief as she left. He was putting off this conversation for as long as he could. He knew exactly what the conversation would be, so he was just in denial that his marriage was crumbling.

He walked around to the couch and crashed down with a puff of air leaving his lungs. He slowly shut his eyes as he relaxed into the soft cushions.

JJ wrapped her arms around his neck as they swayed back and forth. Will was at complete peace dancing with his newly wedded wife. He couldn't wrap his head around how someone as beautiful as Jennifer Jareau could love him. He turned his head and placed a gentle kiss on her's as they continued to dance.

"I love you," Will whispered just loud enough for JJ to hear him. She leaned her head against his as her eyes slowly opened. She pulled away and leaned in, kissing him gently. If he could, Will would live in this moment forever. So full of love and happiness after such terror and stress.

"I love you too," JJ said and smiled at him. JJ's eyes flicked over his shoulder as she felt eyes on her. Emily walked on the outskirts of the dance floor. She looked beautiful wrapped in her turquoise shawl and floral dress that hugged her perfectly. Her and JJ locked eyes as she continued to dance with Will.

JJ could see the hint of sadness in Emily's eyes as she watched her and Will dance. She forced a smile as she continued to stroll around the dancefloor, trying to get her eyes off of JJ. Will turned and saw Emily walking and smiled widely at her. Emily nodded her head as the forced smile never left her lips.

"I never asked what Emily said when you both went inside," Will asked softly. JJ was pulled away from her gaze with the woman in question as Will spoke to her. "I didn't know she was leaving. Did she tell you anything?"

JJ glanced over his shoulder and saw Emily laughing with Derek, Penelope, and Spencer as they both pulled her out onto the dance floor. She smiled softly as Spencer spun her. The once forceful smile on Emily faded to a genuine one. It made JJ's heart thump out of her chest as she saw the familiar crinkle of Emily's smile lines. The joy that JJ felt quickly left when she realized that this would be the last time she'd see Emily this happy. Emily wanted nothing to do with her anymore, and that hurt the most to know.

"No, she just told me she's leaving," JJ said as her eyes dropped to the floor.

"Oh, she'll be back. It's Emily. She's loyal. I guarantee that she'll be back," Will said and pulled JJ close to him once again. JJ didn't take her eyes off of Emily as she danced with Derek now. The blonde woman swore that she saw a single tear come out of her eye as she danced with him.

At that moment, the two of them locked eyes. JJ was practically begging Emily to stay with her look. But Emily was screaming at her to let her go. When Will finally spun JJ around and faced Emily, he noticed her eyes fell to the ground.

Emily was the kind of person to always look at people in the eye. For some reason, she wasn't looking at him. He wondered what was going on with Emily that made her drop her dominant persona.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Will jolted up from him dozing off. The brunette man ran a hand down his face, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He stood up and made his way over to the door. When he opened it, he saw Emily standing there with a look of hopelessness. "Emily."

"Will," Emily said and smiled shyly. The brunette man kept the door close to him. He didn't want to invite Emily inside without JJ here.

"JJ isn't here," Will said as he took a step back and slowly shut the door. Emily placed a hand on it to prevent it closing.

"I'm not here to see JJ," Emily said and swallowed harshly. Will's curiosity peaked as he looked at Emily. The brunette man inhaled sharply as he opened the door for her. Emily walked in and looked around at the familiar house. Will shut the door before crossing his arms.

"I need you to be honest with me, Emily. It's the one thing I'm asking of you. Did you do anything with her her?" Will asked and clenched his jaw. Emily took a sharp inhale as Will looked back up at her.

"No," Emily lied and locked eyes with Will. The man couldn't tell if she was lying or not. Emily remembered what JJ said about fighting for custody with her kids if it came down to it. If Will knew about their affair, he'd surely hang it over JJ's head in court. "Look, I didn't come here to fight."

"Then get out," Will said angrily and grabbed onto the door handle.

"I came to apologize," Emily said and took a step towards Will. He froze in his spot as his eyes remained fixated on the handle he was holding. "I didn't want to cross a line with JJ, but it feels like I have. I'm not going to apologize for loving her for nearly two decades, but I am going to apologize for trying to win her over. She chose you. She married you. That's something I should have understood, but I just refused to believe."

"You love her?" Will asked and looked up at Emily. He saw the agony in her eyes. Admitting to this love for JJ to her husband aloud was breaking Emily.

"More than anything. I love her more than I can explain. She was everything to me. She still is everything to me, Will. It hurts just thinking about her. I can feel my heart wanting to burst out of my chest," Emily said and sighed softly. She was shaking as she shut her eyes. Will could see Emily physically holding back her tears. "But I want her to be happy, even if that means I'm out of the picture."

"What do you mean?" Will asked and had a look of confusion on his face.

"I figured I'd make amends before I left," Emily said and sighed heavily. The man furrowed his eyebrows. Emily felt like she was living in a dream as she was standing in front of him. "I put in my resignation at the bureau. I was contacted by Interpol that my old job is still readily available if I still wanted it. London apparently was a chaotic mess after I left. They waited until the absolute breaking point to ask me to come back. They asked me last week. And until yesterday, I was formulating my decision."

"And you said yes," Will said and finally tore his hand away from the handle.

"Yes. Nobody knows about my departure. They're all set to find out in a meeting Monday morning. I figured it's better this way," Emily said and played with her hands in front of her. She felt her stomach drop as she said those words. It was now hitting her of what she was doing. "By me putting in my resignation, I had two final requests. JJ is an extraordinary agent. I've worked along side her for almost two decades, and she definitely knows what she's doing. I would want her to take over as Unit Chief. The directors said she was an excellent choice if she'd want the job."

Will looked down at the floor as he placed his hands on his hips. JJ having this job could be what would save them. "And the second?"

"That you don't tell her where I'm going," Emily said and swallowed hard as she looked down to the floor. "You and I both know that JJ will chase after me if she knows where I'm going. It's better if I just disappeared. It will be like I never existed in her life again. I've made special requests that the bureau has my files on lock so they can't track me. I don't want to mess up this situation more than I have already."

Emily rummaged through her bag and grabbed onto a letter. On the front, it was addressed to JJ. The raven-haired woman handed it to Will. He looked down at it and furrowed his eyebrows.

"I'd appreciate it if you hid it until after my flight left. I don't mention anything about where I'm going in there. It's just a goodbye to her. You can read it if you're not comfortable giving it to her without knowing what it says," Emily said and cleared her throat. Will grabbed onto it and looked down at the letter. His jaw clenched at the thought of this piece of paper meaning the world to JJ. "Will, I'm sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am about all of this."

"Just do me one favor, Emily," Will said as Emily walked towards the door. The raven-haired woman nodded her head as he opened it. "Make sure you stay this time."

"Don't worry. It was a mistake coming back here. I caused enough damage," Emily said and swallowed her sarcastic comments. "I just can't promise that she'll let me go."

Will didn't say anything else to Emily. The brunette man just watched as Emily nodded her head and walked out of the house without another word. Will leaned back against the wall as he shut his eyes. That wasn't the satisfying confession that he was looking for. He clenched his jaw tightly as he walked into the kitchen. Without thinking, he threw the letter into the left trash can. Will shut his eyes as he made his way up the stairs, wait for JJ to return home.

It was a half an hour later and JJ finally walked through the front door. She didn't see Will in the kitchen or in the living room. She furrowed her eyebrows as she kicked off her shoes and set her keys on the hook.

"Will!" JJ called out as she set the bags down in the kitchen. She pulled out each food item and set it on the counter. She grabbed the bag, spotting a few napkins that unfortunately got soggy from the steam in the bag and a mystery stain. She crumbled them up as she placed her foot down on the hatch of the trashcan. She spotted an envelope in there and rolled her eyes. "I told you, right is for recycling!"

JJ sighed as she grabbed the envelope that was in there. When she flipped it over, she saw her name on the letter. She instantly recognized it to be Emily's handwriting. JJ furrowed her eyebrows as paused. She didn't have any letters from Emily that Will could have thrown out. She grabbed a knife from the counter and sliced open the envelope. She saw it was a single page that was neatly tucked into the container.

Dear JJ,

By the time you're reading this, I would have been long gone. I know myself too well. If I were to stay in the same city as you, I'd drive myself mad. I don't want to pretend that being your friend is satisfying enough for me. I nearly drove myself crazy at the thought of having to continue to love you from a distant. I've loved you for fifteen years. That's not about to change simply after this situation and a few sour words that were exchanged between us.

Will is a good man, husband and father. There must be a reason you chose him the first time you and I had this conversation. I will never live up to him, no matter how much you convince me otherwise. He's good for you. He's safe for you. Like you said, you don't know which Emily you'll get living day-to-day with me. I don't want to ever hurt you like how I've done in the past. I'm an idiot that can't seem to pick the right words. You're not a mistake to me, JJ.

I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself, but it can't be for me. It'd be best that I stay out of your life. All I seem to do is hurt you whenever I'm around. You're not a person who deserves to be hurt like that. I'm truly sorry for everything I've ever done to you. I vow this is the last time I'll hurt you. I hope you and I can find each other and live in love for each other once again.

I love you, Jennifer Jareau. Please don't beat yourself up over this decision of mine. It's for the best. I'm sorry.

Emily.

JJ heard the creek of the floor board and clenched her jaw. Will stood there with his hands in his pockets. He leaned against the wall by the stairs as he watched her read the letter in her hands. He was hoping that she wouldn't find it.

"Where did she go?" JJ asked as she didn't take her eyes off the paper in front of her. She could feel Will tense at that question.

"Away. And that's what matters," Will said simply. Hearing those words sent JJ into a world of rage. She finally looked over at her husband with a look of disbelief.

"Where the hell did she go, Will?" JJ asked as her hand balled into a fist around the paper. Will was fearful of the crystal blue eyes in that moment. "Where did Emily go?"

"I told you, away," Will said and took a step towards JJ. "The last thing I need you to do is go out there and try to find her. She doesn't want you to find her, JJ. Think for once!"

"For once!" JJ repeated as her jaw dropped. "I've lost my damn mind overthinking everything! I think for everyone else except for me! The whole reason I didn't choose her was because of my family! For Henry! For Michael! Even for you!"

"No! Don't you do that!" Will said and pointed a finger at JJ. "Don't act like what you did was heroic. You are a fucking liar!"

"And you know what? I own up to that! I looked for happiness because here in this house, it's nowhere to be found!" JJ shouted at the top of her lungs. Will lowered his hand as he looked at JJ with sadness in his eyes. "I am miserable playing a happy wife to you! I made so many sacrifices for Henry and Michael more than I can count on my fucking hand! I built this life with you solely because of Henry and I stayed because of Michael!"

"Now you're out of your mind," Will said and shook his head. "Are you even hearing yourself? You're going to bend over backwards for some woman who doesn't care about you!"

"You don't know what you're talking about," JJ said and clenched her jaw tightly. "Don't talk about something you don't know anything about."

"If she cared so much about you, if she loved you even, why did she walk in here and beg me not to tell you!" Will shouted as he took another step towards JJ. "Emily left like she always does!"

"You don't get it," JJ said and swallowed harshly. Will chuckled bitterly as he crossed his arms.

"No, I don't! And frankly, I don't want to. You were happy here—"

"No, I wasn't! Not now, not ever! Nothing has changed! I just didn't realize I wasn't happy until I had a fucking gun to my head, Will!" JJ yelled as she finally stood in front of Will. The brunette man felt his own heart sink as all the dots connected in his head. "You don't ever get to talk about Emily like you know her. You know nothing about her! You know nothing about us!"

"Then tell me if it's so fucking important--"

"I love her, Will!" JJ shouted at the top of her lungs. As soon as the words left her mouth, she felt the weight of the entire universe lift off of her shoulders. "I've loved her for more than a friend, coworker, or boss for nearly two decades! She was my first intense love! It felt like life was suffocating me and she saved me. She showed me what it was like to live and not just exist! I never stopped loving her even when I loved you! That's what happened!"

Will swallowed his tears as he looked at JJ. He didn't recognize the blonde woman staring back at him. She wasn't the woman he fell in love with all those years ago. That woman was long gone. He placed his hands on his hips as he scoffed. "I'm glad she left so we can fix all this."

"What is left for there to fix?" JJ asked and furrowed her eyebrows in disbelief. Will stared at her with a look that could kill.

"Everything, JJ!" Will shouted as he turned to look at her. For once, JJ didn't jump at his loud booming voice that was so different from his normal voice. "You don't get to throw in the towel. You don't get to run away from this. You have Henry and Michael to think of. You cannot be selfish with this, JJ!"

"God, Will, do you even hear yourself!" JJ yelled as she ran her hands through her hair. "Staying in a marriage where I'm miserable is going to hurt them more than us divorcing! I've thought plenty of how the boys will feel! There were nights where I didn't sleep because of it! I never wanted to do anything to hurt them the way I was growing up! But this, God, this marriage continuing will kill them!"

"You don't know that," Will said and shook his head slightly. JJ chuckled sarcastically as she locked eyes with him.

"My parents did the same thing. I know what will happen to them if we stay like this. There were nights I prayed that my parents would divorce to end the fighting. They'll do the same," JJ said through her teeth. "Henry and Michael deserve better than that. They don't deserve to see their mom slowly go insane. They don't deserve to see you miserable trying to fight for something that's not here. It'll kill them to see us like this. I am not running away from anything. I recognize that none of this would be happening if I just loved you. But you deserve better than someone pretending to be. I'm finally standing up for myself."

"She's doesn't care about you, JJ," Will said and clenched his jaw tightly. "She doesn't fucking care. Emily is a woman that chews people up and spits them out when they lose their purpose to her. She's a lying, deceitful, no good woman! I'm your husband, JJ, not her! Fight for this, not for some meaningless mental affair!"

The blonde woman looked deep into Will's eyes. She couldn't make him out to be the villian no matter how hard she tried. She knew he was telling her this because he's scared. He wasn't the villain and neither was she for being honest. There was so much love that she had for Will, just not the kind that he needed, nor deserved. She could tell that Will was petrified of what was going to come out of her mouth. JJ sighed softly as she shook her head.

"Gray," JJ said and clenched her jaw. Will's entire angry facade dropped at that word. He hadn't heard it in years, but it always lingered in the back of his head. Will shook his head slightly as he looked at JJ.

"You don't mean that," Will whispered and swallowed harshly.

"I do. I'm done, Will," JJ said and turned her head to the side. She didn't say anything else as she walked over to the door and grabbed her keys and purse. She grabbed onto the handle and turned to take in her house one last time. "I'll pick up the boys and get my things tomorrow."

Will picked his head up as he ran his hands down his face. JJ looked at her husband for the last time before shutting the door. She immediately got into her car as fast as she could.

JJ sped through the streets of Washington DC. Unfortunately for her, she lived on the other side of the city from the airport. The blonde woman stepped on the gas the entire drive, praying to God that there was no police officers going to stop her along the way. Emily had a forty-five minute head start on her.

After twenty agonizing minutes, JJ halted her car at the airport parking lot. She quickly shut off the engine before running inside. The blonde woman bumped into several people trying to find the large board of all the flights. She finally found it and quickly scanned through all the destination names.

Frankfurt. San Francisco. Honolulu. London.

"London. Departing in five minutes," JJ whispered and quickly took note of the gate number. The blonde woman's feet instantly started moving as she ran through the airport as fast as she could. She received a lot of odd stares as she searched all throughout the gates. She noticed the security check point up ahead and started to slow down her run. "No, no, no, no, no."

"I'm sorry ma'am," the officer said and held a hand out to stop JJ. The blonde woman, out of breath and out of cares in the world, grabbed her purse. She fumbled through it before showing the police officer the badge. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't let you past these gates without a security check—"

"I'm with Behavioral Analysis Unit. Someone very important is going to board a plane in four minutes. She's very big at the FBI and forgot to get classified information. You can check me in the metal tube, but I'm not taking off anything to go through the scanner. You can take my badge, I just need to get through to that gate," JJ said and handed the badge to the security guard. The man looked back and saw the three other security guards tilt their heads to the side.

"Go ahead. I'm following after you to make sure there's nothing done wrong," the security guard said and tilted his head towards the metal tube. JJ nodded her head rapidly.

"Thank you. Thank you," JJ said as she took off running once again. The blonde woman looked down at her watch and saw that she had two minutes until she officially missed Emily. She was praying that she got the flight right. She'd hate herself more if she didn't. JJ's feet hurt, but that didn't stop her from keeping the same pace.

Finally, she saw the familiar number on the gate. Her eyes scanned the people boarding, desperately trying to find Emily. That's when she saw a familiar raven-haired woman standing at the end of the line. She was the last one to board.

"Emily!" JJ shouted as she ran faster than before. The raven-haired woman furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at the flight attendant. Emily slowly turned around and saw JJ running through the airport to get to her.

"JJ?" Emily asked and adjusted the bag on her shoulder. "What are you--"

JJ finally launched herself off the ground and crashed her body right into Emily's. The raven-haired woman caught her as she let out a puff of air. JJ's arms wrapped around Emily's neck tightly.

"I did it. I did it," JJ repeated softly as she pulled her head away from the hug. She looked down at Emily and didn't hesitate to lean in and kiss her. The raven-haired woman's arms grabbed onto JJ's shirt as she kissed her back with just as much need. The two women held onto each other firmly, hoping to never let the other go. The both of them turned blue in the face before finally pulling away from the kiss. JJ leaned her forehead against Emily's, taking in the familiar touch of her once again. "I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry."

"I'm scared they're going to hate me after the divorce. If they hate me afterwards, I'd—I'd hate myself beyond words. I would have done the one thing I promised myself I would never do."

"Your kids mean the world to me, JJ. I don't want to be the monster that broke apart their parents."

"Go home to your husband, JJ."

"And if I chose you what would have happen? Would I get hot and cold Emily? Shouting matches and flowers from the market Emily? What would have happened?"

The raven-haired woman instantly pulled away from JJ. She looked in her eyes and saw the misery that would follow. She didn't want to tear that family apart any more. She saw the sadness in Henry and Michael towards her. She saw the hatred they would have for her later. JJ looked at her with such sadness in her eyes. "JJ, I'm sorry."

"No, Emily," JJ said and held onto her tighter. Emily pulled away from JJ's grip. She couldn't even form words as she stepped back from the blonde woman. JJ tried to reach out for her but she kept backing away. "Emily, what are you doing?"

"I--I can't take you away from your kids," Emily finally managed to choke out. "I can't do that to them. You're right. You don't know what you'll get with me. You don't know how your kids will react. You don't know what you're giving up to be with me."

"Emily, listen to me," JJ said and furrowed her eyebrows. "I want you, today, tomorrow, and every day for the rest of my life. Remember that? I want you, Emily. I love you."

The raven-haired woman's eyes filled with tears as she carefully took a step back. She turned around and walked towards the tunnel. JJ tried to run after her but the security guard that followed her held her back.

"Emily! No!" JJ shouted as she tried to reach out for the raven-haired woman. "Emily, listen to me! Emily!"

Emily shut her eyes as she started to cry. She hated having to leave JJ, but she couldn't bare the thought of coming between JJ and her children. Henry and Michael needed her, and Emily knew that. All she ever did was hurt JJ when they were together. She couldn't let JJ fall into that kind of mess. Life with Emily was a toss up. The blonde woman deserved so much better than her.

"Emily please!" JJ shouted at the top of her lungs as she watched the raven-haired woman turn the curve. Emily stopped in her tracks as she heard JJ's loud cries out for her. "Emily, please don't go."

Emily turned around with eyes filled with tears as she looked at JJ. It broke her heart to see JJ like this. She felt a single tear fall from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Emily said softly as she boarded the plane. JJ buried her face into her hands, praying that this was a dream. Two security guards grabbed JJ and tried to pull her away from the door.

"Emily!" JJ shouted as she saw the raven-haired woman lower her head and keep walking. "Emily!"

Emily felt the sun hit her through the glass. Her heart was beating out of her chest when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. The tunnel was made out of glass and could easily see the inside of the airport. If JJ was looking at her, Emily didn't know what she would do.

The raven-haired woman's legs stopped as her heart felt like it would stop any second now. Emily slowly turned her head to look into the airport. She saw JJ standing there by the window with two security guards behind her.

The blonde woman was already looking at Emily. Brown eyes met blue as JJ leaned forward and placed her hand on the glass window.

"Please."

JJ: "I dwell in possibility..." Emily Dickinson.