Chapter Text
Would you be my love
The words neatly written in red ink are engraved in Sun’s mind. The piece of paper that had grown worn over the months they had spent apart had found it’s forever home in the slip pocket of Sun’s wallet. Every time his eyes fell upon the words - even when his mind was absent and he was simply searching for his card - the scene would play over and over like a broken record. How he had stumbled over his farewell, how he had begun a sentence that could have changed where they were now but concluded with “take care of yourself.” And how he had wished Ozone “good luck” despite knowing - not even deep down - that he didn’t need it. Ozone was strong, far stronger than he’d ever be and he regrets not telling him when he had the chance.
Fragments of their time together at the boarding school remain in Sun’s mind. It’s almost like a movie - scenes that linger and they’re replayed almost as often as the same music video just to reignite those same feelings although now they’re laced with regret and dissatisfaction. He remembers the first day he saw Ozone; a look of fear decorated his soft features but there was a glimpse of something - call it hope - when their eyes locked for that brief moment. Sun had felt a similar way, though being in a boarding school once before, everything was different. He was alone there, an alien amongst humans. Ozone seemed to make him feel less alone and he would be forever grateful for that; yet another thing he wished he had told Ozone.
Sun would find himself staring out the window of his condo, a sheet of scientific questions abandoned on his desk along with a half eaten meal and the lamp’s brightness that felt far too harsh for the time. The sky would be dark and littered with stars, Sun would rest his chin in his hands and his eyes would tear up - he wouldn’t cry, he rarely allowed himself to, but they would become glassy and it would somehow add beauty to his picture of the night sky, blurring it and distorting it but it still remained. The same way that even if he and Ozone argued, whether it was over a minor inconvenience or something more, there was still a bond that brought them back together. If he allowed the tears to fall, his picture would be different - clearer, sure, but it would feel as if he was letting go of something and he certainly was not ready to let go of Ozone. He’d imagine Ozone sat next to him, probably pestering him to be a distraction purely because that’s what they did. They’d mess around together, nudging one another, flicking each other’s foreheads and even if one of them said to focus, they wouldn’t. Or even when their conversations turned and they’d talk about deeper topics like their home life and how Sun wanted to shelter Ozone from all the bullshit he had to put up with, or their childhood and how strikingly different they were from one another but that seemed to make them stronger, closer. Sun wishes Ozone was here with him. He really does - as cliché as it sounds, Ozone filled a gap in Sun’s life and at the time, he wasn’t prepared to acknowledge it but now, while they’re miles apart, leading different lives, Sun feels certainty in his heart. A certainty that could be swallowed but would leave a bad taste in his mouth.
And as Sun stands in the shower; water far warmer than it should be just to imitate the warmth Ozone had always carried on his back. If Sun closes his eyes and places himself back at the boarding school, he can feel Ozone standing behind him, one arm slung over his shoulder, the other around his waist as he massages soap into his skin. There’s no one else around - they’d sneak out of the dorm late at night and go to the showers; Sun had clocked early on that Ozone had been avoiding the usual times and thought he’d keep the other company. Ozone’s hands would tour Sun’s body as if his skin was a map waiting to be explored, sailing over his back and as Sun turns to face him, their eyes meet and Sun feels the same butterflies flutter in his stomach, it almost makes his lips quiver and he has to bite back the urge to just kiss him - though looking back, he wished he had. And as he stands alone in the shower of his apartment, facing the water and letting it drown out the feelings that threatened to escape his body. He thinks of all the things he should have done, should have said.
However, he knows that lingering on the past would only cause him more pain. While he lays in bed, the sheets feeling unfamiliar and cold, he faces the ceiling, a hand behind his head as he tries his best to fall asleep. He can’t but he’ll continue trying because he has lessons tomorrow and he needs to finish the worksheet started in class that currently sits on his desk, the edges creased from the unbothered ‘stuffing everything into bag’ earlier. Sun’s mind feels distant, the only things circling through his head is Ozone and Ozone’s voice, Ozone’s touch, Ozone’s smile.
It’s gone one. He still cannot sleep. There’s a dryness in his mouth but he doesn’t want to move just in case he drops off in the next second. Of course he wouldn’t but he remains still. The bed is still cold and it makes him think if any bed was ever warm. Even his bed at home carried an emptiness with it, a space that consumed the duvets in an uncomfortable coolness. Sun imagines that if Ozone were with him, any bed would be warm. The thought causes him to roll over, reaching for his phone and before he can stop himself, he opens Ozone’s contact on his phone. He doesn’t even look at the time before pressing the phone icon and placing his phone next to his ear.
He hears it ring multiple times and he’s convinced Ozone won’t pick it up. A part of him hopes he doesn’t; it’s nearly 01:30am but equally, if he doesn’t say what he needs to say right now…then he never will.
“Hello?”