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“Lorcan, don’t.”
The gargantuan man huffed, annoyed. “I don’t understand, Elide. The tree is seven feet tall. You can’t reach the top. I can. So why the hell shouldn’t I put the star on top?” Lorcan reached for it again, watching his girlfriend’s dark eyes deepen with shadow.
“I said no , Lorcan.”
“Then I don’t know what I’m doing here,” he growled, throwing his hands in the air. “I didn’t even want to decorate for fucking Christmas. But you asked me to, so here I am trying to decorate. And now you’re telling me not to.”
“Just forget it, then,” Elide snapped. The muscled, dark-haired man shrank back, chagrin curling his shoulders when he saw how her eyes swam. The silver thread along her lashes. The frustrated flush of her cheeks as she rushed past him, grabbing her purse as she opened the door.
“Elide -”
“I have some errands to run. Don’t wait up.” The petite woman didn’t even look at him when she spoke the soft words, slipping out the door and closing it noiselessly behind her. He would’ve felt better if she’d slammed it in anger, that fiery, passionate emotion far less concerning than the quiet resignation in her words, eyes, and actions.
Gods, he’d well and truly fucked up. But he didn’t know why. She was so adamant about decorating for Christmas, celebrating the holiday. It was obvious they’d not had the same experiences with it, but she wouldn’t explain to him what the deal was about the star on the tree or about anything else.
Which meant it must have something to do with her family… either with her parents or with her time with her uncle. Lorcan knew she hated talking about that time in her life. It made her feel weak. But that’s why he was there, wasn’t it? So he could support her? She was the strongest person he’d ever known - so much fortitude and will and hope packed into her tiny five-foot-two frame. With a sigh he ran his fingers through the tangling strands of his raven-black hair.
He just wanted Elide to explain it to him. If he understood, he would be able to help.
But, in the meantime, he could do whatever he could to make her smile again.
He fished his phone from his pocket, the heavy exhale whooshing out between pursed lips as he thumbed to his messages, finding the string with his love at the top.
At least tell me where you’re going? Please?
He didn’t apologize, because he didn’t know what had set her off. It wasn’t that he was opposed to it, but his Elide would not appreciate an apology simply for the sake of it.
Next he dialed Rowan, dragging a palm down his face.
“This is a terrible fucking idea,” he muttered to himself, knowing that Aelin would just as soon cut off his jingle bells for making Elide sad than help him fix it.
“Hey, Lorc. What’s up?”
“Whitethorn. Are you and your fiancee busy today? I… need a favor.”
~~~
Even Lorcan couldn’t help but feel the uplifting spirit of the holidays as he surveyed the living room. They’d given some attention to the dining room, the kitchen, their small balcony, and had even put a small tree on the dresser in their bedroom, but it was the living room that had been truly transformed. The tree stood proudly in the corner, lights twinkling behind bare branches. He had insisted they leave it so he could decorate it with Elide. He didn’t know much about what had transpired between them - why she felt so strongly about dressing the apartment for the holiday - but he knew the tree and the star was in the middle of it. He only hoped she would allow him to make it up to her. Greenery and clear crystal lights adorned doorways and surfaces, surprising him with the peace and sophistication that Aelin and Rowan had created.
“Thank you guys,” he offered quietly as they slipped out the door. “I really appreciate it.”
“I didn’t do this for you, you big oaf,” the little blonde growled. Rowan dwarfed her in stature, but her attitude was likely bigger than both he and Lorcan combined. His relationship with Aelin was stiff on a good day, but her narrow-eyed glare was always watching him, waiting for him to fuck up with his girlfriend so she could jump on him. “I did it for Elide. Now fix your shit.”
For all of Aelin’s strong opinions, she hadn’t been able to give the dark, towering man any clarity as to what had upset Elide so much. Other than his general roughness and piss-poor attitude, of course. But the women, who had been near-family before Elide’s parents had passed, had only recently reconnected. And the lovely brunette’s reluctance to open up about her past was not something that lessened depending on the company.
“Yes, you’ve made that quite clear,” Lorcan grumbled. “She will be very happy, I’m sure.”
“She better be,” the fiery blonde jabbed a finger into his chest. Rowan just huffed an exasperated laugh, enveloping that accusing hand in his much larger one before looking to Lorcan.
“Good luck, brother.” He grinned and dipped his chin, leading his fiancee down the hall.
Lorcan leaned against the door after he shut it, scrubbing his hands over his face. At least Elide had texted him back. He would have been beside himself with worry if she hadn’t told him where she planned on going. And she had agreed to let him know when she was almost home. Another small victory.
As if on cue, the phone vibrated from his pocket. When he looked at the screen he was relieved to find Elide’s message.
Pulling into the parking lot .
Lorcan grabbed his key and strode out of the apartment, taking the stairs two at a time to reach the landing and foyer leading to the parking lot. Pushing through the door he looked for the silver sedan, finding it with his girlfriend still sitting behind the wheel, brows furrowed in thought. He walked into her line of sight, letting her know that he was there while still allowing her space and time to continue working through whatever was racing through her mind.
Anxiety was a heavy boulder sinking to the bottom of his gut as he waited, Elide never meeting his gaze. Was she thinking of running again? Was she alright? Guilt joined the weight within him, causing him to swallow nervously.
But then her deep, dark eyes found him and a tight smile curved at her lip. He let loose a grin of his own, doing all he could to appear open and encouraging. Elide climbed out of the car, slinging her purse over her shoulder as she stepped into Lorcan’s awaiting arms.
All of the muscles in his body uncoiled, the melting tension likely taking away a couple inches of height. He dipped his chin, pressing his lips to her soft hair and breathing her in.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” she mumbled, words muffled by his chest and his cotton t-shirt. He tightened his hold on her, letting his fingers curl and unfurl comfortingly over her back. Lorcan was a bit taken aback that she was apologizing, when it had been his grumpy ass that had upset her. He sighed, feeling her delicate fingers tracing over his lower back. He’d been thinking about what he should say all afternoon, but found himself struggling now.
“Elide,” he started, pushing at her shoulders gently so he could look at her. “I know we don’t have the same experiences and emotions around the holidays. I was just frustrated because… because I didn’t understand what you needed from me. Does that make sense?”
Her cheeks were growing pink, and Lorcan could see the wetness clouding her eyes. He cupped her cheek, his golden skin warm against her smooth alabaster flesh as she nodded wordlessly. His lips tilted, eyes softening.
“You know I would do anything for you, Elide. Seeing you happy makes me happy. But I’m not the smartest guy in the world, so I need you to explain it to me. Okay?”
She gave another timid nod, lowering her lashes. Lorcan kissed her temple before stepping back.
“We can talk about it inside. Do you have anything you need help carrying up?” he asked, remembering that she had said she was doing some Christmas shopping. The petite woman shrugged.
“No… I couldn’t really put my heart into it. I ended up just wandering, mostly.”
Lorcan threaded their fingers together, even as he felt his heart fracture at her words. He was so relieved that she said she would talk to him. Then he could know what he needed to know - to make sure he didn’t hurt her like this again. He was so deep in thought - so much more at ease with her tiny hand in his once more - that he didn’t even think to prepare her for what she would find when they entered their apartment. His gaze snapped to her when she gasped, eyes growing wide with wonder as she lifted a hand to her mouth.
“Lorcan,” she breathed, releasing his hand to explore the living room. Her steps were uneven as her neck craned every which way, her body turning as she took it in.
“I wish I could say I did it all myself,” he chuckled, calloused fingers scratching at the back of his neck. Elide looked back at him, raising a brow. “I called Rowan and Aelin. I was… kinda desperate. To try to make things right.”
“Did Aelin give you grief?” she asked, a genuine smile finally lifting her lips. Lorcan strode to her side, sweeping her up in his arms and walking them into the kitchen. He set her down on the counter and tenderly kissed that lovely smile.
“Endless grief,” he answered. The man still towered over her as he positioned himself between her knees, his palms settling atop her denim-clad thighs. “Talk to me, Elide. Help me understand.” She sighed, dragging her lower lip between her teeth as she let her palms fall onto his hands.
“One of the few things I remember - clear as day - from when my parents were alive is decorating the tree for Christmas. We were all so happy. Everyone would smile and laugh. Everything was perfect. And,” she paused, lifting her eyes to meet his onyx gaze, “it was my job to put the star on top. My father would sweep me up and lift me so I could reach. I was almost always giggling uncontrollably, and I was overjoyed to have such an important responsibility.”
Lorcan wasn’t typically an emotional man, but he felt the lump of feelings clogging his throat as she revealed how important the holiday was to her and her family. Chagrin heated his face, the regret from his earlier frustrated words barrelling into him like a freight train. She lifted her hands to his sharp cheekbones, her eyes brightening with concern as her head swung back and forth.
“You couldn’t have known, babe. That’s why we’re having this conversation.” Elide pushed a rogue lock of inky hair back from his eyes. “Alright?” It was Lorcan’s turn to nod silently, He turned his chin, lips brushing the inside of her wrist before encouraging her to continue.
“The first year I was with Vernon, as Christmas was approaching, I asked him when we would decorate. And he… he was so hateful and cruel. He berated me, told me I was selfish for asking such a thing. And he said I shouldn’t expect any presents, either, and that I should be grateful for what I had.” Her shoulders slumped, blinking back the emotions welling from her youth as she looked away from him and wrung her hands between them. “I… I didn’t understand. I was just a child. I’d lost everything. And then he took away that one fleeting opportunity to smile again.”
Elide sniffled, wiping her nose as tanned fingers brushed away the tears that were now freely falling down over her cheeks. Lorcan’s chest squeezed as he imagined what she must have felt - confusion, heartbreak, hopelessness, helplessness. Her uncle had been a tyrant, both emotionally and physically abusive. The woman before him had endured it until she turned 18, when she walked away and never looked back. The amount of work she’d had to do to catch up on her education, to make a living - the perseverance that it took to simply live a normal life up to this point. He was in awe of her.
“I asked him. Every single year. His response got uglier, more vicious, every time. But I always held on to that tiny thread of hope that maybe his answer would be different.” The dark-haired beauty grabbed one of his hands, cradling it between both of hers. She took a breath and looked up at Lorcan with the most open and vulnerable expression he’d ever seen from her. And he knew how difficult that was for her to do. “Lorcan, this is the first time since I was ten years old that I have not been alone for Christmas. I just… wanted to capture that magic again. To laugh and smile with someone I love. I should have told you that from the beginning, but I just hate talking about that time in my life.”
“I know, Elide,” Lorcan breathed as he wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close. One hand idly combed through her silken tresses while the other stroked her back. “I know it’s hard for you to talk about, but I never want you to hide from me. You are so strong and you’ve overcome so much, and I only want to support you and help you live an incredible life. But sometimes I need to know the things you’ve had to deal with to do that.” He grinned softly as he felt her nod against his chest. He squeezed her tighter, pressing a kiss to her hair before releasing her.
“I want to show you something.” Lorcan grasped her tiny waist, lifting his girlfriend off the counter and setting her gingerly on the ground. He grabbed one of her hands and led her back into the living room, stopping in front of the tree in the corner. “I may not have known exactly what had upset you, but I knew the tree was part of it. So I made sure we left it like this until you got home. I… was hoping we could decorate it together. Tonight.” He knew his smile was tentative, hope warming his chest. But Elide’s eyes were sparkling with joy and unshed tears as a wide, brilliant smile spread across her lips. That was the reaction he’d been praying for.
“That sounds perfect, Lorcan,” she answered, stepping toward him, their toes touching. She peered up at him through long lashes, her beauty emphasized by the glow of the twinkling lights around them. “As long as I get to put the star on top.” With a playful growl he lifted her, hands curling under her thighs as she wrapped her legs around him. With her face so much closer to his, he captured her giggling lips in a sweet, loving kiss. He took a deep, contented breath once they separated, letting his smile mirror the one from the woman in his arms.
“Of course, Elide,” he chuckled. “I can’t wait to spend this Christmas with you.”
Elide wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself as close as she possibly could to the muscled man. Clinging to him, she replied, “This is already the best Christmas I’ve had in a long, long time. Thank you, Lorcan. I love you so much.”