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My name…my name is Karkat. Karkat Vantas. I'm beginning to forget everything. Every last fucking detail of my pathetic life. So let me get this on some fucking paper before I do. I don't know how much longer the memories will last, but if they never find this, then at least they can live on in some bullshit, roundabout way.
To tell the truth, I don't even know how I got here in the first place. I was walking alone along the highway that cuts through the desert outside L.A. and the wind was really cool and blowing my hair all over the fucking place. I'd go for walks to clear my head, city was too fucking noisy and bright and crowded. But this time I just kept on walking out into the middle of nowhere. From a distance, I started catching whiff of the place…smelled like colitis and incense. Then I could see it, glowing against the dunes like something out of a mirage, kinda shimmering and everything but it got more solid as I approached. By that point I was getting really fucking tired. My head felt like it weighed a ton and my vision was getting dim. Whatever the place was, I was gonna have to stop and hope I could get some sleep.
Turns out it was a hotel. One of those really shitty, outdated things from the sixties. Stucco walls on the outside and tacky, flamboyant décor inside. Pool in the center courtyard, too. It was called…is called, the Two Moons. It's an ugly-as-sin place but I didn't have any choice beyond passing out there on the fucking road and while I hadn't seen any cars in hours, I didn't want to wake up under some jackass' wheel.
Reflecting back, I think I would almost prefer that now.
Just as I got to the place and trudged up the driveway, the front door opened and some chick was standing there. Despite there being lights all over the place outside, the inside behind her was dark as hell. The lady was…really attractive. Like, curves in all the right places, long black hair that ran down her back in waves, cute pair of pink-rimmed sunglasses and her dress was a slim black thing that hugged her silhouette. She smiled and as I approached her, a bell started going off…almost four in the morning, I think. I couldn't help thinking that I really lucked out to find this haven out in the middle of the hellacious desert.
"Welcome!" she said to me, her voice bubbly. "My name is Feferi. Welcome to the Two Moons."
I thanked her and she gave a nod, turning to pick up a candle from a desk near the open door.
She struck a match and lit it, stepping aside to let me in and god I couldn't turn away but I could feel that something was fucking wrong with the place. I went inside.
"Sorry for the inconvenience, our lights are on the fritz!" she laughed, the door behind us shutting.
I heard the fucking door lock itself. It was the most ominous noise I have ever heard. She lead me along, the candle flame casting dancing shadows on the walls. We passed countless doors and down the corridor I thought I could hear voices…I know I could hear voices.
"Such a lovely place, isn't it?" she commented cheerfully, glancing back at me.
I just sort of nodded, not really sure what to make of the situation at this point. I was exhausted and though I fucking loathe to admit it, afraid. But I was thankful when we approached the doors to the courtyard, one of the few places that seemed to be getting any power. I could see the pool and there were other guests there. I really didn't want to be alone with this chick anymore. I mean, the power was out in the hall…why was she wearing fucking sunglasses?
Now I know…god…I wish I didn't. I really do.
Stepping out into the courtyard, I could smell the chlorine right away. Sounds of laughter, music, splashing water. I was almost relieved for a moment, but then I noticed…they were all wearing sunglasses too. Different kinds, none the same, but it was a constant. And all guys. No women anywhere except for Feferi. "These are my friends!" she explained, watching me closely.
"We were having a party, What a nice surprise it is for you join us…oh! I didn't get your name, sweetie."
I was reluctant, but I told her.
She smiled even more, but I recoiled inside…something was just so fucking twisted in her expression.
She left me then to tend to the others, favoring a guy with short hair and these stupid looking red and blue shades. Like those crappy 3D glasses they give you at movies, but these were real fucking shades. At this point, I just needed a fucking drink. I made my way around the pool and to the outdoor bar, running my hand through my hair and wondering what the fuck was going on. I needed to calm my nerves, maybe I was just overreacting. But I knew I wasn't.
I asked for a glass of anything. Beer, rum, vodka, wine. The guy just blinked at me and apologized and said that they haven't had wine at the Two Moons since the late sixties. Okay, so by that point I was done. I was going to leave the fucking place and go sleep in the ditch by the highway. I stormed across the courtyard and back into the dark hallway. Fucking voices…I thought they were coming from just the courtyard, but they were everywhere. Quiet fucking voices I could just barely make out behind the doors, whispering…
I ran. I ran as fast as I could. But the fucking hallway was different now. It didn't lead to the front doors. It didn't lead to anything! Just doors and doors and doors and more fucking doors! One of them was open and was spilling light into the gloom. I took a peek inside, some shitty couple's room with mirrors on the ceiling, pink walls, pink linens, some champagne in a bucket of ice…hadn't that bastard said they didn't have anything? I backed away and ran back down the hall.
It didn't take me to the courtyard.
"We are all just prisoners here," I heard Feferi say and I nearly jumped out of my skin, she was right behind me. "Of our own device."
I was standing in front of these double doors, light creeping out from the crack under them. She gave me an almost pitying smile before stepping around and shoved them open. I shielded my eyes from the sudden onslaught of brightness, but when I could look again the room beyond was some kind of master chamber, a ball room or banquet hall. Just a big fucking room stuck in the sixties and it had a long table set for a feast.
The others from the courtyard were gathered around, too. Feferi snapped her fingers and they dragged in this…this fucking creature. It looked kinda like a man but was covered in black fur. It had the head of a dog, missing an eye…it had one wing and most of one arm was missing. Don't make that fucking face, I know you think I'm full of shit but it's true! It was some sort of dog-man and they had it bound in chains!
As if on some unspoken cue, they all pull out these fucking knives and just start stabbing it. Over and over and over, and it's snarling and barking and shrieking and trying to claw at them but they just keep stabbing away and it doesn't die. The thing doesn't fucking die! They get bored of it and just drag it away again, like it's part of some fucking party game before dinner because they all sit down at the table and start laughing away and eating and drinking. Blood. Everywhere. I felt like I was going to be sick.
"Come join us, Karkat!" Feferi called to me from the head of the table.
Next I knew I was running again, running and panting and looking for that fucking door. The door out. I managed to find the front desk of the hotel, the place where you check in. I frantically swatted at the bell until someone came out from the back. My blood ran could…the guy was some blonde asshole with pointy red shades and he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Relax," he said like a fucking robot. "We are programmed to receive."
I demanded to be shown the way out.
"You can checkout any time you like," he replied with a shake of his head.
He pulled his shades down and I nearly fell over my own fucking feet trying to get away from him. His eyes. His fucking eyes! No pupils. No iris. Nothing. Just fucking dead, white balls. He gave a sad sort of smile and sighed.
"But you can never leave."
I've been hiding in this room ever since. Found a door that was unlocked and barricaded myself inside. Scribbling this shit with a nubby pencil on the pages of the Bible like the sacrilegious asshat I am, but what the fuck do I care now? It's slipping. All of it, my memory, my resolve…I'm revolted but I want to leave the room. I want to go join them. I'm starving and thirsty and I think…I think when I do give in, if I don't just rot away here in this room, then it's over. I'll eat from the feast, I'll drink the champagne. And my eyes will turn white.
Feferi will come, then. She'll give me a pair of glasses to hide them and a knife to stab the beast. She'll keep me with the others, her pretty, pretty boys here in this fucking hotel and she won't stop. This place…it's a fucking deathtrap. A special little piece of hell that draws in the lost and desperate. And once you're inside, you can't fucking leave. She won't let you.
My name was Karkat Vantas.
I'm a dead man, now. And if you're reading this bullshit sob story I'm scrawling in-between lines of the good book, then so are you.
I can finally hear what the voices are saying now. Can you hear them? Probably just whispers at first, but when you're good and lost, they get louder. I've finished writing. I'll leave this book someplace stupid like in a plant in the lobby…if I can find the lobby.
I'd wish you luck, but that sort of thing doesn't fucking matter in this place.
We're all just visitors here, of our own device.
We check in, but we never leave.
I'll be seeing you soon.
-KV
Welcome to the Hotel California.
Such a lovely place, Such a lovely face.
Plenty of room at the Hotel California.
Any time of year, you can find it here.