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Every echoing tick of his godforsaken clock, is sung with a mocking tone, throbbing in his throat. He wishes to throw the wooden piece of agonizing memories onto the wall it hangs on, watch it shatter and scatter all over the floor. Another tick is enough for him to throw the covers off of his half nude body, feeling the chilly atmosphere kiss his skin, leaving bumps. Feet touching the cold planks as Jungkook takes a few steps towards the old timekeeper, reaching out for it, ready to rip the batteries out. He takes a hold of it, sees his reflection due to the moon’s light peeking through his window; his face resembles his ex’s for a mere tired second. He scoffs, equally exhausted as this “vintage clock”, as Taehyung used to call it. The glass cover is brought to his forehead as he rests against it with a sigh. Tense muscles, relaxing and releasing the iron grip on his overworked limbs. “Taehyung.” He whispers, prays. “Bastard, why did you leave me?” The question is genuine, til’ this day, he has no idea why the man chose to travel abroad and study courses he could’ve taken in Korea. On top of that, what he doesn’t understand the most, is why he broke up with him. Would a long distance relationship be that burdensome? Is Jungkook that intolerable?
He sets the item back where he found it and surrenders with a heavy heart, choking at the thought of Taehyung holding another close to him. Letting them stroke their lips against his cheeks, teasingly to make him long for a kiss. Something Jungkook used to do, something he should be doing instead of developing insomnia. Suddenly the thought of chasing their memories invades his mind, something he knows his friends would disapprove of. The toxic need to look through his gallery, smile while imaginary tears escape his eyes— his body water having dried out three years ago. Three years ago since the man he sacrificed his life for, to love, left him. Ignoring his taunting phone, he decides to search for another distraction. He finds it hard thinking while the rain knocks on his window…rain. Jungkook walks towards his closet, tears a sweatshirt off its hanger, puts a pair of sweatpants on and covers his ankles with thick and long socks. Trying to avoid the tiny voice inside his head, telling him to go back to bed— to stop chasing someone that won’t be coming back. The oversized jacket Taehyung gave him a few years back, is the only item he looks at longingly before heading out. Leaving everything but his keys, he might be going crazy, but he has some common sense left.
It’s dark - even the hallway tells him to turn back - until the sensors spot him and light his path. He walks slowly at first, hesitant; his knees weakening while an anxiety attack whispers in his ear, producing sobs he refuses to let out. The concierge barely notices him flash by, the young successor of the Jeon industries; the rebellious kid that fled with his lover until he decided to join his father’s business again three years ago. Despite that, he chose to stay in this building, even though it takes him longer to get to work. The doorman sends him a concerned look before Jungkook nods reassuringly, “I’m just going for a walk.” He proceeds to step into the pouring weather and ignores the doorman’s attempt to lend him an umbrella. Jungkook allows his feet to guide him further away from his safety, blending in with the dim lit street lights as he crosses the road. Barely noticing the path he’s taking, barely focusing on the way the cold and wet material sticks to his body uncomfortably — suffocating his cells. He inhales nature's scent; thinking about a certain boy with thick curls, brown beauty marks sitting like stars on his delicate features, long eyelashes that intensifies his strong gaze, a boy with a boxy smile and a childish heart. His favorite boy. Distinguishing his tears from the rain is easier than expected, his tears are warm, burning his skin; the rain is gentle, kissing the marks until they somewhat heal.
“Jungkook?” He starts hallucinating, hearing Taehyung’s deep voice crack. A scoff leaves his lips, hiding the sob underneath it. “Jungkook!” This time the sound is clearer, almost gnawing on his brain until his head starts aching— the chilly weather contributing to the migraine's birth. “Jungkook, wait!” A familiar grip is felt on his arm as he’s yanked under some kind of shelter. His breath gets stuck in his throat as he’s met by a pair of comforting eyes, Taehyung’s eyes. “Jungkook, what are you thinking about? Haven’t you learned to look twice before crossing the road? You could’ve died!” Taehyung is scolding him, holding him close under an umbrella; this must be a dream. “What? Taehyung, is this really you?” The man softens at the desperate tone in the latter’s voice, “Yeah, it’s me.” The universe is playing a cruel trick on him, sneering at the way his last drop of sanity evaporates.
“No, it can’t be. You’re in London, or something. You left me years ago, w-why the fuck would you be outside our old apartment complex.” He stutters, struggling to form sentences, overwhelmed with all the emotions traveling through his body. “I’ll explain everything later. You’re drenched and clearly confused, since you almost got hit by a car.” Jungkook doesn’t seem to be fazed by the fact that he almost died, focusing on whether the man in his arms is real, or a side-effect of his medication. “I don’t understand.” Thoughts run inside his mind, occupying the space inside his head and making him feel dizzy.
Taehyung sighs disquietly, letting his free hand travel up to the latter’s wet cheek, grabbing it to reassure him of his existence. Seeing the consequences of his actions painted all over Jungkook’s breathtaking face breaks him more than he’d like to admit, guilt devouring whatever excuse he had made up to comfort himself. “It’s me, Taehyung. I’ll explain everything after we get you inside, okay?” He nods, still in a cloud of disbelief. At least he stopped resisting, Taehyung thinks, the lump that sat inside his stomach for the past hour letting go gradually.
The looks they get from the workers would be amusing if the circumstances were different, their mouths slightly hanging agape as their eyes widen— somewhat mortified. The night Taehyung left is still engraved in their minds, having seen two souls tear each other apart while desiring nothing more than to lay in one another’s arms. It's heart shattering to witness such a scene, the last thing they want is to see it happen again.
Jungkook makes his way into the apartment, careful not to wet the rugs; Taehyung is right behind him, barely showing any sign of shame or guilt. It bothers the wet man slightly— why is he the only one who cares? “We’re inside, can you talk now?” His intentions aren’t to sound rude, although somehow he isn’t able to show his ex the person he used to be when they were together. He has built a protective layer along the way and the painful regret sits in Taehyung’s eyes when he realizes how bad he fucked up. “Go take a hot shower first, I’ll wait here.” A scoff is heard after he finishes giving out worried commands, “Just like you waited last time, right?” That sentence hits a spot he hasn’t touched in years, for both of their sakes. “Jungkook, please. I don’t want you getting sick because of me.” Another scoff, hiding a weak sob, “Make yourself at home then, I suppose.” The sarcasm oozing with every word he utters, is a new skill he developed a few minutes ago. How did he switch up the second he saw his face; his body and soul longs for the latter, yet his mind refuses to get hurt again— doing whatever it can to protect Jungkook.
He takes his time in the shower, a part of him hoping Taehyung would leave and allow him to collect his thoughts before discussing whatever he came to discuss. What if Taehyung found someone else? What if he’s here to personally tell him he’s married? That he’s becoming a dad. Fuck, he feels like drowning under the hot water. With so many what if’s and no answers, his mind desires to shut down. After a few minutes of trying to stabilize his emotions and spare him a panic attack, he gets out with merely a towel hanging loosely around his hips. Taehyung has seen him nude plenty of times, having no energy to dwell on his exposed skin. “Talk.” He watches the latter’s eyes scan his body, sitting on the bed they used to share. Jungkook focuses on getting dressed, barely paying the clothes in front of him any mind. “I’m sorry for how I’ve hurt you, but I had no choice.” The beginning already sounds like a goodbye, the urge to throw up suddenly invades the - now - half nude man. “I was immature and scared, I’m sorry.” Jungkook turns around and faces him, “Don’t apologize for leaving me if you fell out of love, or whatever. It only makes me look pathetic.” Taehyung senses the misunderstanding and quickly gets up to dismiss his anxious theories. “No, it’s not like that. I loved you, Jungkook, I still do.”
“Then why did you leave me?” It comes out as a torn shout, choking on his tears as they threaten to break through his barriers. “Why did you fucking leave me if you ‘loved’ me so much?” There it is again, the guilty look full of lies and secrets; he saw it once the night Taehyung left and never managed to get rid of the image. “I don’t know if you’re aware of the fact that you /don’t/ leave the person you love!” Taehyung gets up rapidly, starting to get annoyed at the accusations as well, even though he deserves a part of them. “You do, if it contributes to them getting a better life. When you love someone, Jungkook, you’d do anything to see them succeed and become happy.” Some pieces of his puzzle start appearing but it’s still too uncertain to paint the whole picture. “I was the happiest with you, why can’t you understand that?” The gestures are as powerful as his words, muscles flexing underneath his t-shirt. “Tell that to your dad!” Jungkook is taken aback, breath getting stuck in his throat, tongue going mute. What does his father have to do with all of this?
The silence lays thickly in the air, the clock ticks to remind them of bittersweet memories and unforgettable moments. The rain has stopped, lessened, tormenting them further— pushing one of them to break the tense atmosphere. “W-what?” Jungkook ends up stuttering, still confused. Taehyung sighs, chest visibly shrinking as he rubs his glabella, knowing he said too much to go back. “The week before I decided to leave, your dad visited me to have a ‘chat’. He told me that I only burden you and that I’m the reason you didn’t want to take over the company. You know, stuff.” He chuckles unamused, itching the back of his neck as he looks down, not daring to face Jungkook’s bewildered state. “Then he started going on about cutting off your allowance and all that…I couldn’t just sit around and wait for him to do it.” As if someone punched the air out of his lungs, Jungkook stopped breathing and started searching for thoughts, desperately needing to cling onto something before he faints. Overwhelmed at the full picture of the now solved mystery. “Why didn’t you tell me before?” He manages to say, this time looking straight into Taehyung's eyes. “I knew you’d go against him and it would have consequences. I was a college student without much money, how would I be able to support you? Now, I’d do anything to keep you, but that’s because I know I can support you in every way possible.” Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief. “That wasn’t your decision to make! It was my life. Do you think I’m happy now? Just because I’m the CEO of a rotten company I didn’t ask for. I left my dreams for this job, and not a day goes by without me regretting it.”
It’s quiet for a few breaths, both of them too ashamed to face reality. They were young(er) back then, but regardless of their age, they should've communicated. Jungkook should’ve told Taehyung about how much he hated being an economics major and Taehyung should’ve known better than to keep his secrets. “I came back to Korea and saw that you managed to take your position in the company, thought about visiting you, but I was too afraid.” They both sigh and laugh at the stupidity of the whole situation. “Coward.” Jungkook says, no harm visible in his voice. The knots inside his stomach start to untangle, his head remains throbbing— the previous lack of air only contributes to the physical pain he’s experincing. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.” Taehyung drops onto the bed without hesitation as his weak knees give in. “Do you know how many nights I’ve waited for you to come back, and now you’re casually laying in my bed as if you never left.” He thinks out loud, too tired to hide his emotions. He takes a few steps towards the bed himself, steps lighter than expected, his soul being drawn to the latter. “I know things won’t go back easily, but I can’t deny that I want you to give me another chance.” Some might call him a fool for wanting to jump in his arms after hearing those heavenly words; he refrains from jumping to conclusions and shrugs before sitting down beside him. “You created a lot of damage, do you really think you can take responsibility this time?”
Love, a peculiar rush of hormones that drugs you until you develop an addiction and end up sacrificing everything you got to store it inside your heart. “I can try.” They’ve been together for years before their breakup, they know each other like the back of their hands; the three years that passed without one another couldn’t have changed them that much. “Try tomorrow, I’m too tired to think right now.” Taehyung chuckles as he turns around to admire the exhausted yet adorable look his ex is wearing. He knows they’ll have to face his father, and changes will be made, difficult ones. But whatever challenge the universe throws at them, Taehyung wants to face them together this time. Not being able to afford making the same mistake twice. “Get up, I want to sleep.” Jungkook weakly tries to push Taehyung away and crawl up, underneath his sheets; ignoring every problem that lays on top of his head, procrastinating them as the clock hits three. “Where am I supposed to sleep?” Taehyung whines as his ex continues to push him away. “The couch, you don’t deserve the bed.” The joking tone is visible in his voice, although they still sting inside the latter. “Alright, alright.”
No one but the two people in a relationship will understand what it’s like losing each other, Jungkook knows his friends will dislike the idea, knows his father will go against them, but he won’t care. The lonely agonizing days he’s spent without Taehyung weigh much more than their opinion on a matter they don’t understand— not in depth. He won’t be stupid and rush into things, baby steps, but he won’t dismiss his feelings and let his pride get the best of him.
“You know, I really hate that clock.” Taehyung makes his way to the couch, taking his sweater off and making himself comfortable on the furniture. “Why?” His gentle voice sounds like a lullaby, warm enough to help Jungkook get sleepier. “Because it’s annoying.” A chuckle leaves the male as he looks at the soon sleeping man.
“I’ll take it down tomorrow.” That’s a promise. A promise that he’ll be there tomorrow, waking up with Jungkook, being there long enough to put the clock down.