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I sat quietly in Chloe’s room, neither of us really talking. Despite having been attached at the hip after Rachel disappeared, Max returning flipped my world, our world , completely upside down. At first, I was glad Chloe had Max back, but then it was always only ever Max and Chloe, no more Y/n and Chloe. Late night adventures turned into Friday nights spent in my dorm and my world felt a little bit lonelier. When they started dating, I wasn’t really shocked, but I was still hurt. I resented Chloe for a bit and didn’t talk to her because I genuinely felt a bit let on by her. My week of avoiding her turned into three months of barely any contact since she was only ever with Max- that was until last week when Chloe messaged me at 2:23 AM asking how I’ve been, and that’s how I ended up here.
I finally worked up enough nerve to take the bus down to Chloe’s house this afternoon, just as we had planned, but everything still feels different. Rather than her usual unkept room, she seemed to have cleaned up the bottles and scattered cigarettes. She even started making her bed. When I got there, she was laying on her bed with a joint between her lips.
“Y/n, you can sit wherever,” she said, staring straight up at the ceiling. I sat down on her desk, just as I’ve done what feels like a hundred times before, but this time there was no clutter to push over to make room. I wonder if she cleaned it for Max, if Max would come here after class and sit down right here, just like I do. I wonder if Max had ever thought the same thing about me: of before she was around, where I would sit or what Chloe and I would talk about.
“I’m sorry about you and Max.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say, but it’s better than anything else I was thinking.
“How’d you know? Are we the talk of the town,” she joked.
“Just a lucky guess.”
She got up to put her joint down on her ashtray, which looked new compared to the old one. “It snowed last night.”
I looked at her with a raised brow. “Don’t try the small talk shit with me, Price. We’ve been through too much together for that.”
“Christ, okay then.” She sat back down on her bed and hugged her knees close to her chest. She still wears her shoes on her bed, which will never not piss me off. “I feel like I switched up roles. One day, I’m pissed off at Max for losing contact, and now you’re pissed off at me.”
“I’m not pissed,” I look down and mess with my fingers. I feel like I’m back at school, being grilled in Wells’ office right now even though I’m not the one who screwed up. “I just,”
“No,” she cuts me off, “you’re pissed off. Don’t bullshit me.” I don’t bother looking up at her. She sounds pissed, but I know Chloe and I know that she wouldn’t be pissed at me for something she’s been through.
“Fine, I’m a bit upset,” I confess.
“ Hella upset .”
“No, just a little bit.” I hop off her desk and sit down a few feet away from her. She scoots closer to me.
“Y’ know, I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just got caught up in everything. I had felt so abandoned by Max and then her coming back was insane, Y/n.” She grabbed both of my hands and shook them slightly. They were cold and almost clammy. I wonder if she had been nervous for me to come.
I gripped her hands back. “Chloe, it’s okay. I understand,” I reassured. I’m not quite sure if it’s true, but for now I don’t want her to freak out on me. “Are you okay, though?”
“I’m fine.” She looks down for a few seconds and I can’t get a read on her face. “I’m already over Max. It was just a fling, that’s all.” That’s a lie, but I don’t care to point that out. I don’t want her to pull back now.
“I’m glad.” I purse my lips and look down, too. I don’t know what else to say. She’s still holding my hands and I feel like crawling into my own skin. I’m mad at her, but I’m not. I’m so glad to be with her again, for any sort of contact with her. Even if tomorrow, she decides to up and leave Arcadia Bay, I’ll be glad for right now. I rub my thumb gently over her knuckles. My stomach is in knots and I feel like I’m going to pass out. I wish it was still September and that, instead of whatever this is, we could be laughing right now with a record that I dug up from the depths of her trash playing. I would do anything for that right now. Maybe by sunset I’ll figure my feelings out.
“What are you thinking about,” she asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. She’s looking at me with a small smile on her face.
“You, me, us, the Yellowstone Park volcano,” I joke in hopes of her not interrogating me, instead she grabs my cheeks and pulls me into a kiss. Her lips are cold like her hands and, quite frankly, the least inviting kiss I’ve had, but I can’t help but lean in. My hands shakily grip the straps of her shirt and I feel like a child gripping her mother for dear life. I wonder if she’s ever kissed Max like this, right where we’re sitting, if Max ever felt this desperate for any sort of affection. My stomach twists and turns and my brain feels like stew: my brain is telling me to just get out of there and act like I never met up with Chloe, just to transfer to another school, but my heart is telling me I need to stay with her.
Chloe pulls back and rests her forehead on mine. “I’ve wanted to do that since you walked in my room,” she says.
“I’m glad you did it, I would never have had the balls to.” It’s not a lie, but I just know where I stand compared to Max right now.
“I won’t leave again, I swear . Just stay with me a bit longer, okay?” She pushes my hair back and I nod.
Chloe is more manipulative than she projects, but right now I don’t mind. Tomorrow she’ll be at my dorm and walk me to class with an arm around my waist and will make sure Max will see. I know she’ll be doing it for Max and I’ll be doing it for Chloe. I know that until Chloe finally gets over Max I’ll still feel this pit in my stomach. But for now, I’ll disregard myself for Chloe, just like I’ve always done. After all, anything for her.