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Songhwa exits the ICU and makes her way back to her office, great relief and gratefulness still washing over her, and she basks in the sense of accomplishment from successfully performing the procedure without damaging her patient’s optical nerve.
As she approaches the corner to the corridor that leads to her office, she wonders where Ikjun is right now. She purses her lips, realising she didn’t ask about his arrival time, thanks to the worry that plagued her mind earlier. But the thought of him brings back her smile just as quickly, for the bubbling excitement of wanting to share the good news finally spills over, and her hand reaches through her pocket for her phone. Songhwa dials his contact almost on auto-pilot and skips her way towards her office.
He picks up after only a ring. “Hey,” his dulcet tenor greets her, and an increasingly frequent, familiar warmth shrouds her, making her giddy.
“Hey. Have you arrived yet? Probably not huh? You’re still on the train, right?”
Ikjun doesn’t answer and instead asks, “Did the surgery go well? How did it go?”
She doesn’t quite understand the bubbling elation she’s feeling - whether it’s from the excitement of telling him her achievement or simply being able to hear his voice after a long, stressful day - but honestly she doesn’t really care. So she lets shy chuckles tumble out of her lips, hiding none of the contentment she’s feeling right now. “It went well.”
He gushes, “Ahh, that’s great. Well done. You did it!”
Never been the type to pay much heed to the compliments from others, Songhwa finds herself treasuring the way her heart swells with joy and pride upon hearing the genuine delight in his affirmations just now. It’s akin to the approving nods he’d give her after she mastered new songs on the bass back in the day, but somehow she’s feeling it a hundredfold now. Well, perhaps the difference lies now in how she allows herself to really feel and receive both the quiet and amplified ways he cares for her.
It almost makes her blurt out, ‘I wish you were here so I could brag to you in person’. Oh, how she wishes she’s in a position to say that to him so casually right now.
But she notices the way her heart rabbits at the mere thought of that, takes a short breath - though that doesn’t really help much - and tells herself, ‘Not yet, Songhwa-ya’. Still, her voice is awash with affection and coyness when she tells him, “I called you to brag about it...”
A wide smile still plastered on her face, she goes to open the door to her office and inquires about his whereabouts again, “Where are you now? Daejeon?” But as the door opens, her brain registers the sight before her and her ears catch his timbre in stereo, stopping her in her tracks.
“Good job! Seriously, I knew you’d pull it off.”
Only after a few seconds, her right hand drops to her side; the movement jolting her mind out of the initial surprise.
He’s here. He’s still here.
When Songhwa listened to Iksun animatedly telling her she’d asked her brother to recover in their hometown after his discharge, she’d be lying if she said her heart didn’t sink a little. She threw a quick glance at Ikjun - who kept quiet but sent her a weak smile - and just as quickly told his sister that it’s a great idea.
She more than completely understood of course. She could only imagine how comforting it would be for his family to have him with them after such a horrifying event. She knew it’s been a while since he last went home to Changwon. Plus, he’d be able to truly relax there, distanced from the hustle-bustle of Seoul and much less likely to be popping by the hospital to check on his work and annoy his co-workers.
She knew he’d get more and better rest in his hometown, so she also knew her dismay is unreasonable. It’s just that since she got back from Sokcho, this would be the first time she wouldn’t get to see him for longer than two days. She knew he’s recovering well so far, but she still couldn’t help being worried.
She wouldn’t tell a soul about this but she’d already planned to visit his apartment everyday to check on him whenever she can after work. So she was a little crestfallen to find her plans were falling through even before it started.
And most of all, she’d miss him. She’d miss him a lot.
She told herself she has no right to feel that way, but these days she seemed to be getting used to being real with herself more and more. And she’d been wanting to do her part in erasing the long-blurred line between them but..
She lets out a disbelieving huff at the man before her. “You didn’t go?” It’s obvious that she’s still very much perplexed, but inside she’s truly overjoyed to see him, even if she is trying to hide that.
“No,” he says rather matter-of-factly, “Seeing how worried you were earlier, I had to change my ticket to see you before I leave.”
If seeing him rise from his seat has her consciously telling her feet to stay put, hearing his full answer means every bit of that famous Chae Songhwa willpower and focus are exerted to keep herself from running to him right now.
She’s never really told him how appreciative she is of the many ways he cares for her, but she hopes it’s currently written all over her face. She doesn’t want to acknowledge whatever else might be painted on her visage right now, though. And she doesn’t trust herself to say anything, because the truth, her truth is threatening to spill out, and there’s one thing she is sure of. If she acquiesces to her unbridled emotions and lets her heart take control right now, the next two weeks are going to be even harder than what she’s already bracing herself for.
The words she told him earlier today echo in her head. Two weeks will fly by. Two weeks will fly by. Two weeks will fly by. Gosh, even to her own ears it sounds like such a fib.
A war between the truth and timing wages in her chest, rising into the breaths between her lips and causing them to tremble slightly. But her eyes soften with the growing faith that once she finds her courage and when that time comes, he’d still give them a chance, they’ll conquer anything that comes their way.
Ikjun sees the myriad of emotions that flashes through her features, making him look away for a second, because he’d give anything to take her into his embrace right now. He inwardly chuckles at that thought, because that’s a sure-fire way to keep him from making it to Changwon today. So he’ll take the privilege of being able to picture her soft smiling face in his mind and the comfort from knowing firsthand that she’s more than okay, and take his leave, for now.
“Songhwa-ya, I’m really so proud of you,” he says, stepping away from her desk and moving to grab his bag and jacket from her yellow chair. “And I’m so glad to see you happy like this.. I’ll get going now, okay?”
Her eyes still sparkle with wonder and warmth as they track his movements, but she’s not given him any response, staying still in her doorway and effectively blocking his exit. He seeks her gaze and his eyes soften the moment they meet hers.
But when after several seconds he sees she’s still not moved an inch, he guffaws and waves his hand in front of her face, “Chae Songhwa, aren’t you gonna let me out?”
“No..”
“What?”
“What?” She finally breaks her reverie. “N-no, I meant, uh, what time is your train?”
“Oh,” he checks his watch quickly and tells her, “I have about an hour to get there.”
She checks the time on her phone and starts towards her desk. “Okay. Wait outside.”
“Huh?”
“Wait outside and let me get changed quickly, I’ll give you a ride to the station.”
“But..,” Ikjun doesn’t get to finish his sentence as Songhwa’s already moving to lightly shoo him out of her room. “Yah, okay, okay, jeez.” He turns around to face away from her door, positions himself right in front of the small glass opening on it, careful not to lean on the door lest she suddenly opens it. He shakes his head in amusement and takes a deep breath, a carefree smile adorning his face the whole time.
A companionable silence fills their car ride towards the station.
Songhwa’s completely focusing on the road, while Ikjun is busy answering messages on his phone. When all the messages are replied to and Ikjun finally decides he’s had more than enough of the Seoul traffic view, he turns his focus to Songhwa instead. Trails of the city lights fall on her face, illuminating her angelic profile, but to him, she shines on her own. He’s thankful for the distraction of having to reply to his messages earlier in the ride, because now that his sole focus is keening on her, his adoration for her is bursting at the seams and it’s getting really hard to keep everything else at bay.
He knows he wears his heart on his sleeve, but with Songhwa he’s been trying to tamp it down, or at least masking those with his over-the-top humour. He simply relishes in the time he gets to spend with her, happy to care for her as much as she’d let him. Love does not stop, after all. It simply transforms or finds other channels to flow through.
But these days, he feels and knows that he’s rarely had to hold himself back fully, because she’s been reacting differently. And if he has to be honest with himself, the last week and a half has been wrecking all his efforts to keep his hopes from coming up. She’s been softer than usual with him. Whenever she’s in the room, her presence always gravitates towards him more so than their normal. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but there’s something different in the way she looks at him. Something that’s always been there, but this time it’s more pronounced. So he, too, has been mostly unguarded with her, letting his expressions say what he knows words can’t..
‘Yet,’ his heart supplies the one small word that his hope hangs on.
Songhwa feels his gaze focusing on her, almost like he wants to say something but she feels his hesitation, too. Curiosity piqued, she takes the bait as they come near the intersection just before the station.
“Yes, Lee Ikjun?” She chances an amused glance at him but only receives a chuckle as a reply. When the car rolls to a stop at the red light, she looks at him and repeats, “What, Ikjun-ah?”
A few heartbeats pass, and Ikjun’s brown orbs are steady in their captivation of her and his voice is gentle when he says, “Thank you.”
She blinks a couple of times before rolling her eyes playfully and huffs out, “Goodness, are you really thanking me for driving you to the sta-”
“For the past couple of weeks. For staying by my side and taking care of me.”
Even if he can’t tell her all the things he wants to tell her yet, he thinks that at the very least his genuine gratitude isn’t something he needs to hide, from her of all people. It’s because he is sure that the way she cares for him is something that’s immutable, not unlike how he loves her.
The way she’s looking at him now makes him want to forget the two words that she uttered in his office more than a year ago. It makes him want to be selfish again and just tell her again and again how he feels about her, until she believes him and lets him love her the way she deserves.
But instead he summons all the willpower that he has, and takes a deep breath and pours all he feels for her into three words. “Thank you, Songhwa-ya.”
She doesn’t really know what to say. Because the words that she really wants to say do not belong in this moment for many reasons that she’s regretful of.
She settles with smiling softly at him and keeping her gaze level with his, not shying away from his eyes the way she usually would. But her right hand seems to have a mind of its own, because the next thing she knows it’s grasping his warm, much larger hand, giving it a firm squeeze that is immediately reciprocated.
Songhwa’s a little taken aback at her own brazenness, but she’s glad she did it anyway. She lightly brushes her thumb against his knuckles and for a few seconds, both their focus fall on their intertwined hands.
When she looks back up, she’s glad that she sees none of the awkwardness like when they shared a moment in the rain just over a month ago. A comfortable smile is cast on his face instead, putting her heart at ease.
“I’m just glad you’re okay, Ikjun-ah.”
Out of the corner of her eye she sees the light turn green and she gives his hand a quick, gentle squeeze before she puts the car back on drive and leisurely takes the right turn towards the station.
“Remember what I said about exercising, okay?”
“Yes, Gyosunim.”
She shakes her head lightly in jest and shoots him a half-exasperated smile. It’s pretty predictable that he’d tease her for her nagging ways, but she’d be lying if she says it doesn’t tickle her all the same. She’s always been and will always be an easy crowd for him. She doesn't even care if Iksun and the boys judge her for it.
“We’re here,” she says, manoeuvring her car to the drop-off zone.
“Yeah.”
“Mmhm.”
Another beat passes.
“Go on. You don’t wanna miss this train too, or you’ll arrive home very late.”
He turns to her, a wistful smile on his face. “I know. I have about ten minutes.”
“Lee Ikjun,” her voice is stern this time.
He finally gives her that boyish grin that reminds her of her dear Uju.
“Go. Please give Uju a big hug from me.”
He nods.
“And tell him I already miss him so much.”
“And me?”
She rolls her eyes. “And I’ll miss you too, you big goof. Now go already!”
“Okay, okay, I’m going!” He makes a big show about opening the door and closing it, causing her to chuckle lightly as she rolls down the window.
Gosh, she does have it bad for him, doesn’t she?
He peeks through the window, “I’ll see you in two weeks. Don’t forget to recite your spell before eating and don’t forget to rest.”
“Yes, yes, yes. Go!”
“I’ll talk to you later!” With that he finally moves away from the car, and just before he disappears from her view, he turns back and gives her a last wave.
She waves back, still grinning and shaking her head. She sits there for a moment, the fingers of her right hand brushing against the pad of her hand, feeling the warmth from his hand that lingers there. She smiles to herself.
Two weeks will fly by.