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Oikawa Tooru was pretty popular at Aoba Johsai. He was adored by the girls for his dashing looks and charming personality and respected by the guys for being the volleyball team captain and well, for getting the girls.
But if you asked Oikawa about it he’d just laugh and put on a smile that not many people would realise is fake.
Oikawa thought of himself as the opposite of popular. He knew people didn’t really like him. They liked the idea of him. The outer layer he put up for people that he knew would leave if they knew who he really was. He didn’t let his guard down around people very often, and when he did it usually ended up badly.
There was however one person Oikawa Tooru knew he could trust with everything. Every worry, every thought, every dumb idea he had, he knew he could trust his best friend Iwaizumi Hajime with them. And that was partially the reason Oikawa fell in love with his best friend.
He hated it. He hated that he couldn’t just confess to him under the sakura tree in the school yard, that he couldn’t walk up to him after his practice and hand him a confession letter like all the girls did for him. It wasn’t that Iwaizumi didn’t like boys. In fact he came out to Oikawa sometime later after he did. He just couldn’t bear ruining his relationship with the only person he ever mattered to.
Oikawa was now standing in the courtyard with a girl he recognized was from Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s class. Cute, he thought. She pulled on the strands of her hair as she asked him to go out with her. She was blushing the whole time and avoiding eye contact.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just think you’re pretty cool and I’d like to get to know each other better,” she smiled.
Oikawa thought for a second. It’s been a while since he had a girlfriend. And she looked really sweet and nice. Maybe he should take the chance.
“Yeah, okay.”
The girl abruptly whipped her head up and Oikawa could see the sparkles in her eyes as she smiled. She then asked for his number and he gave it to her. She said she’d give him the details later and pounced off. Oikawa smiled and started making his way to the school gate, where Iwaizumi was waiting for him.
“What took you so long?” he asked, frowning.
“I was getting confessed to,” Oikawa smiled triumphantly.
“Yeah okay, don’t let it get to your head Shittykawa.”
Oikawa hummed as they set off to go home. The walk home was nothing short of ordinary. They talked about their day like they always did and then they said goodbye to each other at Oikawa’s house and Iwaizumi left to go home just a bit further, as they lived on the same street.
-
"So what do you think I should wear?"
"Where?" Iwaizumi frowned as he looked up at Oikawa who was trying on different shirts.
"For my date of course," Oikawa rolled his eyes.
There it was again. That pit in Iwaizumi's stomach made itself known. See, Oikawa wasn't the only one in love with his best friend. Iwaizumi just thought his attempts were desperate. Oikawa could never like him with all the girls surrounding him.
"So you said yes to the girl from yesterday?" Iwaizumi lowered his head again.
There was a slight pause. "She seems nice."
Iwaizumi scoffed. It was more of a reflex, a natural reaction. Oikawa whipped his head in his direction. His face carried an unexplainable emotion but it was enough for Iwaizumi to feel guilty about it.
"The grey one," he replied.
Oikawa blinked and then shuffled to find the grey shirt Iwaizumi suggested. The latter just went back to doing his homework.
If only he could tell him how much he means to him. How he doesn't have to date around to find a person who cares for him with their whole heart, because the person is right here, sitting on his bed. He doesn't have to search for his true love, because his one and only is right here, always next to him.
But that would never happen. Not when his best friend was getting ready for a date with another girl.
-
The date went well. And another one. And every date after that. Oikawa was happy. He finally felt happy. She seemed to really care about him. And he cared for her too.
So why did it change so suddenly?
"I'm sorry, I just don't think it's going to work out Tooru."
He could practically hear his heart shatter. He thought she was different. He thought she liked him.
"Why?"
"I just... I don't know. I think it's too much for me."
I'm too much for you, Oikawa thought. It always ended like this. They would break up with him claiming they just weren't ready for a relationship but then he'd see them with someone else two weeks later. What was it about him that was so repulsive?
"Can I do anything to change your mind?"
A few raindrops fell on the ground.
"Look Tooru, you're not the problem."
Why am I going to find you dating someone else a week later then? Why will your problem disappear as soon as it's someone else than me?
The rain started to get heavier. She pulled out an umbrella out of her bag and excused herself after apologising. Oikawa stood there in silence as the rain poured over his head. Maybe it would wash away everything wrong about him. He smiled. He'd like that.
-
"So how's your girlfriend?" Iwaizumi asked.
"She broke up with me."
Iwaizumi whipped his head in Oikawa’s direction. He didn’t seem particularly sad about it so Iwaizumi chose a more joking approach.
"Maybe you got on her nerves."
"You know what, yeah. I think I did."
Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa quickly. He licked his lips: "Oikawa that's not how I meant-"
Oikawa shook his head: "No, no Iwaizumi you're absolutely right. She didn't like my shitty personality. None of them do. That's why they all leave."
"Oikawa, that's not true. We both know that."
Oikawa chuckled, but it sounded wrong to Iwaizumi. He was still looking at Oikawa but he couldn't see his face properly.
"No. That's the exact reason why they all hate me. They like the idea of me but when they get to know a little more they back out." Oikawa choked on his words in the end, his tears taking over.
"C'mon that's not true."
"Oh how would you know. You don't have to put on a perfect façade in front of everyone. You can just be yourself. If I did that nobody would like me even the slightest bit and nobody cares."
"I care."
"Yeah speaking about that Iwaizumi, I wonder when you're going to break your character and finally tell me I'm so annoying and how you hate me. Because I know it's going to happen one day, but good job for keeping it up for so long."
"That will never happen Oikawa, stop talking bullshit."
"IT WILL HAPPEN HAJIME! IT ALWAYS DOES."
Iwaizumi just couldn't reply. He didn't know how to turn this situation around.
"You know what..." Oikawa calmed down a bit, "get out."
"What?"
"Leave Iwaizumi."
Iwaizumi stood there, looking at the person he couldn't recognise as his best friend. He was doing everything he could to stop himself from crying too.
"I don't want to leave," he replied quietly.
Oikawa choked as he sobbed, looking down at his feet.
"Go. Please."
And although Iwaizumi didn't want to leave, he thought this would probably be better and with some last words he got out and closed the door behind him.
As he walked home he was surprisingly calm. Until a sudden wave of realisation hit him and he started crying in the middle of the street. What has he done?
-
Even though Iwaizumi left, it was like he was still there. He was still there to catch Oikawa's tosses, to buy him a snack when he knew he had a rough day or leave his notes in his locker when he knew he had an exam coming.
Oikawa didn't know how to feel about it. At first he felt mad. It gave him false hope that maybe Iwaizumi would like to stay. But then it turned to sadness as he realised he wouldn't probably come back. Nobody ever does.
But after a week it started happening less frequently and Oikawa stopped thinking about Iwaizumi so much. It was getting better, he was getting better. Or at least that’s what he made himself believe. It was for his own good.
What he didn’t know was that there was someone on the other end thinking the exact opposite. And that he was right here standing at his door, rethinking everything for the last time. Then he rang the doorbell. He knew Oikawa’s parents were at work and that it would be just him.
Oblivious to whom it might be, Oikawa opened the door and found Iwaizumi standing at his doorstep. His breath hitched and before he could slam the door Iwaizumi was inside.
“I just want to say something and I’ll leave, I promise.”
Oikawa gulped and avoided eye contact with the person before him. He backed off a little but Iwaizumi marched forward and grabbed his hands. He couldn’t escape now.
“Look, I don’t know what made think the way you did then, I don’t know if I was too mean to you or-”
“It could never be your fault Hajime,” Oikawa spoke up for the first time. Iwaizumi noticed he was trembling and squeezed his hands tighter.
“But I just wanted to say that I don’t ever want to leave you. I plan on staying with you for a while,” he smiled, “I love every part of you.”
Oikawa sniffled heavily and Iwaizumi just carried on.
“And I don’t care what everyone may say about me or you, but Oikawa you are a constant in my life and my life without you just feels empty. Like it’s missing a piece. And I would be really happy if you let me stay.”
Oikawa was now full-blown crying. He just shook his head and Iwaizumi took him into his arms while he cried into his shoulder. Even after Oikawa calmed down a bit they just stood there, in the middle of the hallway holding onto each other for dear life.
“Will you stay here tonight?” Oikawa asked.
Iwaizumi just smiled. “You know I will.”