Chapter Text
I never really was popular in Middle School. One time I accidentally overheard a few of my classmates talking about me, calling me things like ‘Ice Queen’ and other less flattering things. I suppose I was a little upset at knowing that was how people saw me. But it wasn’t like I really cared about it either. I didn’t enjoy talking to most people. In fact I quite enjoyed being left to my own thoughts. Even at home I preferred to stay in my room reading the various novels and mangas I had managed to collect over the years instead of having to deal with my mum and dad. It's not like I hate them per se. Especially not my mother. But they weren’t the nicest people to be around either. My mother stays at home for the most part, filling her time with alcohol and the TV. My dad on the other hand is a stereotypical salaryman. The kind who spends their nights in a love hotel and takes their stress out on those around them. Though I’m not sure if I should be happy that he targets me instead of my mother. It's not like he hits me or anything - I doubt even he would go that low - Instead he likes to scream at me about any little thing he fancies. A couple years ago he spent nearly a full hour yelling at me because there were no carrots in our dinner. He was the only reason I liked to be alone at home. At school though? Well I was usually too sleepy or busy trying to catch up to really care. At least that was what I had thought. I had only started High School the other week. Ended up joining the cooking club this week too. And now I was surrounded by a group of girls, third years judging by the pink striped ribbons that decorated their shirts. A girl with deep green eyes was leaning over at me. Practically burying her face into mine. Her soft red lips were curled up into a warm smile aimed at me. She looked friendly enough I suppose. But having her scruffy brown hair so close to my face only made my own insecurities over my shorter, blue tinged hair all the worse.
“So how about it? You wanna be my friend?” the girl asked, her voice full of oddly placed enthusiasm. The group had only visited the cooking club to drop off some papers from one of the teachers. None of them as far as I knew were in my club. Nor had I seen any of them come and go the other two times the club met. And yet this girl who just minutes ago didn’t even know I existed was now rather insistently asking to be friends. I didn't particularly want to be her friend. I was pretty content on my own. But there was something about the way she shoved herself into my face that told me she wasn’t about to accept a no. It was situations like this I was never good at. Being put on the spot as people looked on. I could feel my anxiety slowly bubbling up as my eyes darted to the girls that stood behind the brown haired girl. I had half expected them to be laughing at me. Instead they seemed more annoyed at their friend. A poking sensation struck me in the side, just below my ribs. I jumped instantly and let out an embarrassing yelp. The green eyed girl let out a laugh at my weird sound, making me all the more self conscious as my cheeks reddened. All I could do was give a small nod. Almost immediately the girl shot up straight and pushed her hand at me.
“My name is Yoshika!” Again the girl's voice was overflowing with energy. Her friends on the other hand simply rolled their eyes and gave soft huffs.
“Uhm, my name is Adachi Atsuka…” I began to hold out my hand to meet hers, only to find Yoshika eagerly grasping it before it even left my side. Her hands were soft and warm. In a strange sense it sort of reminded me of a blanket with how comforting it felt. What wasn’t so nice was the way she was vigorously shaking my arm the same way our neighbour's dog shakes its toy.
“I love your hair! What shampoos do you use? You look very fit, do you work out? Oh, and how did you get your boobs so big!” Yoshika’s barrage of questions took me by surprise. In part because of just how fast she was able to ask so many questions. But mostly it was the total disregard for personal boundaries. I had never in my life ever been asked how I got my chest so big. Nor had I been asked what hair products I used. Truth be told I wasn’t sure how to feel about any of it.
“Hey, Yoshika, we need to get going, remember?”
“Huuh? Really?” Yoshika finally turned her attention away from me.
“Yeah, now come along and leave the poor girl alone you airhead”
A surprisingly dog-like whimper came from Yoshika as she finally let go of my hand. She moved to join her friends as they filed out of the club room, only to stop short at the door and turn to face me.
“See you tomorrow ‘Tsuka!” Yoshika exclaimed as she waved at me before stepping out of the room. I was left dumbfounded as to what had happened. A lingering warmth from my hand and my anxious heart still beating as loud as drums were the only signs that I had not simply hallucinated what had happened.
I'm not good with early morning starts. Between having to deal with a mother who started drinking at 4 that morning, and having to navigate the minefield that was my dad, I had found mornings were best slept through. In fact, back in Middleschool I would usually skip the first few classes in the morning so I could sleep a bit longer. But since I was now in Highschool I figured I might as well put in some kind of effort to at least try school in the morning. I didn’t really want a repeat of what happened when my father found out what my final grades were last year. However, I had so far managed to sleep through my alarms ten times in 4 weeks and slept through morning classes nearly every other day. I couldn’t help but wonder just how long it would take until I gave up trying. Even now as I sat at my desk I was barely able to keep my eyes open.
“Tsuka!” A sudden weight appeared on my back, nearly slamming my head down onto my desk. I turned around to see who would of been stupid enough to practically mount my back, only to be surprised by Yoshika’s own face practically smooshed into my own. Her hair tickled my cheek as her chest pressed against my back. Her arms held the back of my chair and kept her delicately balanced on top of me. A distinctly sweet smell from what I could only assume was her hair products graced my nose while lost strands of her hair found its way into my eyes.
“Um, Yoshika. What are you doing here?” I asked her as I gently pushed her face back. We met just last week. And yet despite that she was somehow able to find me no matter where I was. I suppose it was rather annoying to suddenly have no alone time. But In a strange way Yoshika somehow never crossed the line between simply being a nuisance and being annoying enough to make me try to escape her. She was an expert at sitting in that odd grey area I suppose.
“Why am I here?” Yoshika pulled back a bit and let herself off of my back as she lifted a finger to her chin in obviously fake contemplation. She posed like that for barely a minute before she turned her attention back to me “I wanted to say good morning!”
A hand of hers planted itself firmly on my head and ruffled my blue tinged hair. I didn't really care what my hair looked like. I did however care about her flagrant disregard for any kind of boundary. I had to admit, it did feel sort of… nice to have someone actually touch my head like that. Though I’m sure that's from the total lack of physical attention my parents gave me.
By now other people in the class had noticed what was going on. Both the boys and the girls began sharing furtive whispers to each other. I don’t think I want to know what they were saying. I know my reputation as an Ice Queen had long since been established. But the fact a third year girl had so casually strolled into our homeroom, and was now acting so physically close with me was something I don't think anyone expected. Least of all me. I had no doubts that there were going to be weird rumours after this.
“Are you not happy seeing me?” Yoshika asked as she moved her hand from my head to pinch the bridge of my nose.
“Not particularly” I replied as I started shaking my head to pull her finger away. But like some kind of elastic monster she managed to keep a firm yet oddly gentle hold of it. I couldn’t help but pout at the unfolding situation. Yoshika on the other hand was rather chuffed to see she had managed to keep a hold of my nose.
“Uhm, Yoshika? Can you let go now?”
“Nope! Not until you take that back and say good morning!”
Since when was I a pet dog to be trained? I was fully convinced that if we were both to stay still, that if nothing forced her to let go, that she would be totally content to keep my nose firmly pinched between her fingers. The thought of cutting my nose off just to get rid of her passed through my mind. Ultimately I decided against it. I doubt the school would be particularly happy if I did that. And besides, I liked having my nose. The school bell’s distinct chime rang through the halls and classes. A flurry of activity broke out in the hall outside as students began to move to their homerooms. And yet Yoshika still held firm. By now the whole class and then some were watching our exchange. Just waiting to see which one of us would back down first. I’m sure at least some of them expected a fight looking at the way a circle had formed around us. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to try it. To use a good slap or punch to get away. But I was never good at fights. And thinking more about it I was sure it would just end up with her somehow still holding my nose.
“Ugh, fine. I take it back” I grumbled at her. By this point I didn’t care what I had to do. I just wanted her off my nose.
“And what else?”
“Good morning.”
“Much better!” Yoshika replied excitedly as she finally let go of my nose. “See you later Tsuka!” Yoshika said, giving my hair one last ruffle before she left, leaving me rather annoyed at the brashness of the third year.
I didn’t know if I was going to enjoy my lunch today. Ever since I had begun attending this highschool I had made a habit of taking my lunch up to the roof. It was freezing in these cooler months, and the wind could be surprisingly strong, but there were rarely any people up here. I found the solitude nice and relaxing while I was eating. Doubly so if my mother decided to give me a Bento. It wasn’t often she did that though, just a few times a week maybe. It was a nice gesture I suppose. But her cooking was… Well, she doesn’t stop drinking while cooking. And because she keeps drinking, her cooking often tastes like whatever she was drinking that morning. I would love nothing more than to refuse her Bento’s in favour of the school's bland curry, or the corner store’s pastries. But it made her weirdly happy to see me take her Bento to school. She might not be the best mother, but I didn’t have the heart to take that small slither of happiness from her. Being alone lets me pick around the worst bits of it without worrying about people's judgement. But just like this morning, Yoshika had managed to find me and promptly sat down next to me with her own Bento. Naturally, without asking first.
“Tsuka! What are you eating?” Yoshika asked as she gave me a gentle push with her shoulder. Truth be told, I had no idea what I was eating. What I did know was that it was some attempt at a rice dish with some kind of vaguely sauce-like sludge poured over the top. Ultimately I just shrugged as a response. After all, if even I didn't know what it was, how could I answer? Yoshika instead just pouted for a second before thrusting her chopsticks into my rice. Barely lifting some of it into her mouth. In what was a seeming routine experience with her, I could do little but witness her total disregard for boundaries in action. At least until…
“Ugh, what is IN that?” Her voice was filled with utter contempt for what she had just eaten. I was confused at her reaction. Well, I was until I realised what happened. I couldn’t help but laugh at the Karma that had found its way to Yoshika, who was only able to pout at my laughter.
“That would be from my mother”
“Your mother? What did she put in it! It tastes like it's made from Vinegar or something!”
“The or something is probably right”
Another laugh left me as Yoshika’s cheeks began to grow a bright shade of red from all her pouting. It was the first time I had ever seen her like this. Every time I had seen her it was her face firmly planted in mine with a giant smug smile on her face as she poked, prodded, patted or pinched me. It was rather hilarious to see her like this over something as routine as my mothers horrible cooking.
“Its not funny ‘Tsuka! Your food tastes horrible!” Yoshika said as she delivered a soft slap to my arm. Truth be told the slap was more than worth it if I could see her pout like this again.
“I’m sure my mother accidentally spilled her alcohol again” I let out a laugh as I casually returned to my food. Yoshika’s pout rapidly faded, replaced with a look of total shock. Personally I didn't find what I had said to be so shocking. It was something I never questioned. Something I just accepted. Though I suppose thinking about it, maybe it wasn’t all that normal.
“You mean there’s actually alcohol in that?”
“I think so, yeah”
“Like, actual alcohol? The stuff you drink ?”
“Probably”
“Like the stuff you drink that you get from the alcohol shop ?”
“Yep” I casually replied as I swallowed another mouthful “I think it's from the beer she was drinking this morning”
“Your mother drank while cooking!?”
I shrugged my shoulders and simply continued to eat my rice. I had long since gotten used to her bad cooking, and the weird surprises that came with it as well. By now I was usually able to tell what alcohol made it into the food by the third or fourth bite of it. It probably wasn’t something I should be able to do, but I had long since given up any hope of my mother getting better. Which meant I would just have to live with it. A silence descended between the two of us. It was a surprisingly nice reprieve from Yoshika’s usual outgoing self to be honest. If she could just be like this all the time, I would be in heaven.
“Atsuka?”
I think that was the first time I actually heard Yoshika say my name properly. If I’m honest I was surprised she actually said it correctly.
“What” I looked at Yoshika who simply sat there awkwardly poking at her own food.
“Do your parents drink a lot?”
It was a surprise question to be sure. I looked down at my own food and placed a bit more into my mouth. The characteristic burn of my mothers cooking singing my throat as I swallowed. I never really thought about whether or not my mother drank a lot. Though what would Yoshika even consider a lot? She probably came from a normal family, so wouldn’t she be used to seeing her parents drink at least a little bit? But then again her family might not even touch a drop in their whole lives.
“I’m not really sure” I shrugged “I don’t think I’ve ever seen my mother awake and not drinking”
Yoshika seemed lost in thought at what I had said as she poked at her food. Occasionally I caught her looking at me with pity, then turning to look at my food before returning to poke at her own food. I had no idea what she was thinking. Honestly I wouldn’t be half surprised if she wasn’t really thinking at all. Eventually Yoshika carefully placed her food to one side and lunged at me. Wrapping herself around me and burying her face into my chest. I was paralyzed at this rapid escalation of her usual physical closeness. I wasn’t used to how physical she had already been, but this was an extreme step outside of what I was comfortable with. At first I wasn’t sure what I should feel. But as time wore on and Yoshika remained glued to me, I started to panic. I tried to move my arms. But Yoshika’s weight stopped them from moving. An overwhelming feeling of being trapped came over me. It felt as though a cage had clamped down around me. Like I was a small animal at the mercy of a hunter, and I’m sure I must have looked like it.
“I can bring you lunches for you”
I think that was the first time I had heard her speak that low. It was oddly soothing to me. It reminded me of an old memory. One where my mother years ago had tucked me into bed, kissed my forehead, and gently wished me good night. I’m not sure if it was a real memory. Maybe it was just something I made up. I don’t care.
“Uhm, well…”
“And you should also stay at my place sometime as well”
I couldn’t find the words to reply. I was already struggling with how I should respond to her offer of lunch. And now she asked for me to stay at her place? Surely no-one could be that nice to me? Not to someone they barely knew, right? I looked down at Yoshika. Her face was still buried in my chest. I could feel her body push against mine as she breathed. Moments before I was on the verge of a panic attack. But now? Now I’m at peace. I’m calm.
“At least think about it Tsuka, you could have a proper cooked meal” Yoshika said as she finally let me go. Truthfully, I was curious to see what her room was like. And the idea of eating lunch that wasn’t soaked in alcohol or store bought was alluring too. I glanced over to Yoshika, who had now totally shifted gears to being enthralled by a bird that had landed across from us. I’m not exactly sure why. But it felt like I was seeing her in a new light. Seeing the way she cooed to the bird… Well, I suppose it was sort of cute.