Work Text:
Y/n: I saw his body hit the ground like a meteorite. He just stood there still and silent but I could see him bleeding through his grey shirt.
Normally you wouldn't get closer to a stranger, specially when the stranger is a super soldier murderer with a metal arm (I know hot), but he just seem so peaceful and calm and also in pain. I just wanted to help him and I didn't see him as a danger, he look kinda cute actually. So I dragged him all the way to my place wich was more difficult then what I thought, maybe cause of the metal arm or maybe it was simply his incredibly muscled body.
Once we got there I put a pillow under his head and pray not to be wrong about him being a kind soul. I could always tell when somebody was kind or not but at the same time he wasn't call "murderer" for rescuing puppies.
I'm inspecting his body to spot the source of the bleeding, wich seem to come from his waist although I couldn't tell if it was a gun shot or something else, that's when he wakes up and incorporates so fast that I almost pee myself. He stared at me with deadly eyes and grabbed my hand with such strength that almost hurts me, then he talked.
- "what are you doing?"
- "I was about to clean your wound"- he then realized he was bleeding and put a hand over the injury as he started to stand.
- "I don't need your help, I'm a soldier this is like a scratch for me" -he scanned my body and my face and also my apartment with an alert pose and said- "who are you?"
- "my name is y/n I have no medical experience at all but I find you in pain, and very possibly in danger, and wanted to help you that's all i promise. I just need you to give me 10 minutes to clean the blood and maybe put some alcohol there and then you can go, but let me help you first please."
His eyes where like crystals and I'm sure that was pure agony not just beautiful blue eyes. He let go of the tension in his body and sat down on the flor again almost inviting me to help him.
Gently I get closer, almost to slowly as if he were a beaten dog, I start pulling up his shirt just enough to have a clear view of the injury and his stomach hardened to my touch.
-"I'm almost done" -he looked at me and I feel a chill run through my body- "maybe I can make some stitches, although all my knowledge comes from youtube videos and movies but I don't suppose you're going to a hospital any time soon right?"
-"right, stitches would be perfect".
-"okey but remember I warned you I'm not a professional and this is actually my first time doing this".
-"just do it, I don't see how you could hurt me more than I already am".
Somehow it felt like he wasn't just talking about the hole in his waist but I changed the subject.
-"so, what's your name?"
-"you don't know me? Now I understand why you helped me".
-"oh I know who you are mister winter soldier, at least I know what the tv says about you, but I don't remember your name. And don't get me wrong, what they say is kinda scary but you don't look like the "I'll kill you" tipe of dude".
He looked at me with a smile hiding in his lips- "you don't go through life saying to murderers that they don't look threatening, you'll get yourself killed".
- "does that means you're gonna kill me?"
We made eye contact for a second and I couldn't remember when the playful conversation started. But then he looked down with a guilty look on his face.
-"I won't, that's not me anymore, I mean that was never me anyways".
-"so you didn't commit all those crimes?"
-"I did but It wasn't intentional, I was like a killing machine but not cause I enjoyed hunting people but because they had my mind under control. They brainwashed me".
-"they?"
- "it's complicated"
It felt like that subject hurt but I couldn't stop myself from asking for more.
-"explain me then, we have time"
He looked at me doubting but for some reason decided he could tell me.
-"well I'm talking about hydra, I won't go into detail of how I end up taken by them but it was never nice. They brainwashed me and make me a machine that you can turn on just by saying some words, so they give me orders and used me to do the dirty work and I couldn't say no, I couldn't fight them. Eventually my best friend Steve, who thought I was dead, find me and help me scape and now I try to fight with the good guys.
-"so you're free now?" I put the needle away and make a sign to let him now I'm done with the stitches, there will be a big scar there.
-"not exactly, I still have the memories and the nightmares, the weight of the lives I ended and the guilt, but I'm trying to make amends. You know, when I join the army they said the war left a scar forever, they mentioned the nightmares and I was prepared for them when I went there to fight the nazis but now, now I have them and I see myself taking the life away of someone without question and It's really fucked up".
I wanted to hug him, that was the first time I ever saw him and I already felt like I cared about him. Maybe I did, I knew he wasn't a villain and I could see now real guilt and pain in his eyes, I could see someone trying to do better. He looked me in the eyes almost scared of how much he opened up to me, a stranger. I don't know what possessed me but in that moment he didn't felt like a soldier, so I put my hand on his cheek and almost turned away when he was startled at my touch but I didn't.
-"Im so sorry".
-"what? For what?"
-"well you mentioned the nazis so I'm guessing your like a hundred years old like captain America, wich means you were tortured a very long time. I can't even imagine the pain you felt not to mention loneliness, and the trauma that left you must be unbearable so im sorry. Obviously if you were a soldier in the war you wanted to help people and they make you hurt them instead, against you will I might add, so yes I'm sorry that you went through all of that by yourself and that you not only have to live with that pain, but also with everyone thinking your a psychopath".
For the first time you saw him smile, it was just a little smirk and you could tell it was hard for him but it was the most soft and sweet smile you've ever seen.
-"It's James by the way"
You jumped a little surprised by his voice after a minute of silence, you looked at him with confusion all over your face.
-"my name, it's James".
-"well that's definitely not a scary name, James".
He smiled at you again and you knew from that moment on you were lost.