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Chapter Text

After Wei Wuxian’s death, people discuss the Yiling Patriarch’s tragic death and the leadup into it, praying to the gods he doesn’t return.

The first year after his death, nothing happened. 

The second year, nothing happened.

The third, the fourth, the fifth, nothing happened. 

The twelfth year, nothing happened. 

Thirteen years, and not even a vengeful ghost. The world began to believe he truly was gone. 

—---------------------------

Wei Wuxian woke to a sharp pang in his chest and his ears ringing. He couldn’t open his eyes, he didn’t understand why. He tried again, again, again. Nothing. Wei Wuxian tried feeling around for whatever hit his chest, instead, feeling a burning, tingling sensation on his arm.

It was at that moment that his ears stopped ringing and he heard a squeaky voice, seemingly five feet away. “Don’t let him outside! He may be blind, but he can still leave!” 

Oh. He’s blind, now. That makes sense. As for the sensation on his arms….Wei Wuxian skims his other hand on the arm, feeling for where the sensation was. Four cuts on his mid-arm, assumingly. Wei Wuxian couldn’t feel any other sensations, so those were presumably the only ones he had.

Why am I here? Repeated in his mind as he tried figuring things out from gossip outside of..wherever he was. After half a day’s worth of eavesdropping, Wei Wuxian is in a person called Mo Xuanyu’s body. Mo Xuanyu was an illegitimate son of Jin Guangshan, who kicked him out after “assaulting” one of his other children, Jin Guangyao. He was sent back to his mother - a servant- and lived with her. His mother committed suicide one day, and he was then sent to his aunt and cousin, which is where he is now. Soon after his return, Mo Xuanyu’s aunt, in a fit of rage, had gouged Mo Xuanyu’s eyes out. The reason why was different from separate sources, so Wei Wuxian had left it at that and sat in a corner and meditated. Having a core again had been something Wei Wuxian would not take for granted, so he decided to try and strengthen the poor-shapen core. 

—--

A few days have passed and Wei Wuxian is in the middle of meditating when he gets abruptly dragged out of Mo Xuanyu’s - his - quarters and is welcomed to the sound of yelling and a strong wave of resentful energy. Being blind has really heightened his senses, even if it’s only been nearly a week since he came back. 

A gentle voice rings from around the left of Wei Wuxian. “ Gu-Niang , I really don’t think Mo Gongzi could have really harmed the young master… He doesn’t look like he did anything.” 

“Of course he did it!” Ah. This must be Madame Mo. “Who else would have had the heart to kill my A-Yuan?! What? Do you think some resentful spirit tore off my son’s arm?? Do you think we’re getting haunted??” 

Judging from the long, tense silence, that’s exactly what the young man to the left thought. “ Ayi ..” Wei Wuxian started, “I have been in my quarters since I woke up, A-Tong made sure of that…I really didn’t do anything.” The stares that were now on Wei Wuxian startled him, but there were definitely more eyes on him than voices heard. Which stressed Wei Wuxian out the longer the silence lasted. 

A voice to the right suddenly spoke, wary, but determined, it seemed. “Sizhui, let’s just wrap this up…this spirit won’t put itself to rest.” 

The same voice from earlier responded after a moment. “Alright, but let’s get Mo Gongzi out of here first, we can’t risk him getting hurt on something while we’re fighting. Madame Mo, please stay inside your quarters while we figure this out. Jingyi, get Mo Gongzi away from the courtyard at least.” 

So the two young men were Sizhui and Jingyi. This will likely come in handy. “Actually, the two who just spoke…” Wei Wuxian spoke, suddenly feeling eyes on him again. It feels weird having eyes on him after being alone and being unable to see. “Can I… Stay out here? It’s really stuffy everywhere else… It feels sad.” 

The silence lasted a beat. Sizhui, Wei Wuxian believes, responded. “Alright, but please stay in one area. We don’t want to risk you getting hurt.” 

That was easy enough to follow, so he nodded and followed the gentle tugs to get him near a large rock. 

—-

Over the next few hours, the two young men had been fighting a seemingly highly vengeful spirit. They were exhausted and were slowing in combat. Wei Wuxian felt the strong need to help, but what was he, a blind man, supposed to do to help?? He can’t see anything, so if he were to use his music cultivation that’s thirteen years out of use, it would likely injure the two children. 

“Sizhui, should we use a flare and get Hanguang-Jun here? Maybe he’ll have better luck than us…” 

Hanguang-Jun? Lan Wangji? Absolutely not. Wei Wuxian began to stand and slowly leave when a loud crash boomed behind himself, followed by the clanging of swords. The spirit was right behind him. He could help put it to rest. Wei Wuxian began to form a whistle and closed his mouth. What if he hurts one of the children? He realized that they were likely capable of themselves and decided, just this once, he would interfere. This was the only time. 

He began to whistle, thinking of a cold yet warm cave, and comfort. He thought of a song of longing and a week of no food. A week of a warm, soft place to rest his head. The whistling rang around the courtyard, the clanging of swords being more confident, more evenly distributed. Wei Wuxian was actually helping the children! They weren’t going to get hurt! 

The clanging stopped. “Jingyi! The flare!” A gentle explosion cracked and the clanging began again. 

This was bad . Wei Wuxian was not ready to reunite with Lan Wangji after they left on such horrible terms. After he started fight after fight with him over going back to Gusu. It was only now, when his head was not muddled with dark energy, that Wei Wuxian realized that Lan Wangji had been trying to help. He didn’t want to lock Wei Wuxian away. It was just a proposal to bring Wei Wuxian to a quieter, peaceful place to handle the energy. 

The thought of meeting Lan Wangji again had rendered him motionless and gods know how long it was until the sound of a guqin droned around the area. The sounds of the swords stopped and the resentful energy from before dwindled drastically until it was hardly noticeable. 

Lan Wangji was here, his job here was done. Wei Wuxian quickly tried to leave the area, before a hand had grasped his forearm. “ Gongzi , please come with us, it isn’t safe here.” It was Sizhui. And since he had just called Lan Wangji over, it meant he was a Lan, did it not? So, Jingyi was also a Lan. 

Wei Wuxian looked down, showing a sign of submission, to which Lan Sizhui had taken as means to bring him over to Lan Wangji. 

“Hanguang-Jun, please allow Mo Xuanyu to come to Cloud Recesses with us. He’s blind and his family was killed by the spirit.” 

A silence dragged on far longer than Wei Wuxian would prefer, so he opened his mouth to speak. 

“Very well.”

-----

When they got to Cloud Recesses, Lan Wangji gently guided Wei Wuxian to the guest quarters. Upon Wei Wuxian’s refusal, Lan Wangji sighed very subtly and allowed Wei Wuxian to sleep in his quarters. The argument being, “Hanguang-Jun!! You can’t leave a feeble, blind man alone!! It’s bad manners!!”

Around a week later, Wei Wuxian had gotten enough of not fucking seeing and not being able to traverse around the Cloud Recesses the way he so badly wanted to do, so he decided to bother the juniors when they visited, eventually clinging onto them when they left the jingshi. Eventually, they stopped pushing him away and let him hang off their shoulders as they let him ride on a donkey (a donkey!!) and led him down to Caiyi for some fresh air. It was on one of these journeys back to Gusu that Lan Sizhui, a literal angel of a kid, gently guided Wei Wuxian off their usual path.

"Mo-Gongzi. I understand that you have been feeling… Trapped. As of late." Lan Sizhui took ahold of Wei Wuxian's arm, then. "So, I asked Sect Leader Lan for.. a project. To help you move around Cloud Recesses." And oh, how Wei Wuxian wanted to cry. It was the sweetest thing anyone had done for Wei Wuxian in such a long time.

Lan Sizhui had been tugging Wei Wuxian gently but quickly down a path. It was while Wei Wuxian was at a loss for words that he noticed the path sounded more.. compact?? Gravelly?? Almost like it was intentional. "Aiyah," Wei Wuxian started, after the silence got too unbearable for himself, "little one, did you really make the paths of rocks to help me find my way? You really didn't need to. I would get lost anyhow."

"Mn. Which is why for the past few days, we and Sect Leader Lan have been working on signs as well. They're at arm's length for you, so it shouldn't be much trouble, but the paths are a way of guidance between the signs. We also used different-sized and textured rocks to differentiate the sounds for you for different paths. If that's alright. In fact, this path we’re on is strictly for your use, so you won’t bother or run into anyone. If you’re afraid of that."

These kids really were too sweet, weren't they? Of course, Wei Wuxian had no choice but to express his gratitude with ‘you really didn’t have to’s and making the sound of a crying man while wiping where his eyes should be. He really needed to think of something to make the scar not look so frightening to others. People talk, you know! Within a few steps, while Wei Wuxian was doing what he did best, Lan Sizhui led him to a stop and gently asked Wei Wuxian for a hand. He gave it.

Lan Sizhui led his hand up ever so slightly and pressed it against something. Wei Wuxian rubbed his hand against it to find… a pole. He moved his hand further up and found wood in three locations. One with a shape of a rabbit raised on the surface, an arrow pointing to the east below it. Another with a building also raised on its surface, an arrow pointing north next to it. Wei Wuxian moved his hand to the final one, a piece of wood with a person and the characters for “cold springs” above it and the arrow pointing west below.

Wei Wuxian walked in each direction of the arrows, noticing a different crunch for each. The one for the rabbit with a gentle and light crunch, the building, the same crunch as the original path - a light and gentle crunch, - and the path for the cold springs: rocks with a loud, crisp noise with small stones. It was perfect.

Wei Wuxian thanked Lan Sizhui profusely, promising to go thank Sect Leader Lan himself as soon as possible. He followed his new path down to the jingshi, Lan Sizhui there for guidance, saying he or Lan Wangji would be helping him walk his path until he could learn it. He hated not seeing. It felt as if everyone was looking down on him because of it. He’d rather have learned the path and routes on his own time, but this is fine. He liked the company.

After Wei Wuxian made it to the jingshi, he carefully led himself back to Lan Wangji’s bed, the day catching up to him. He wondered what Lan Wangji was doing while he smelled Lan Wangji’s sandalwood scent on the sheets. He wondered where Lan Wangji was. Was he with his uncle discussing Wei Wuxian? Or was he in the library reading and rewriting the rules? Most definitely the latter. Definitely. He eventually tried meditating, but he couldn’t sit in silence without his brain bringing him back to when Jiang Yanli…

Anyways.

Wei Wuxian walked out the jingshi and sat on the porch after that, basking in the way the cold sun hit his skin and the sounds of the birds in the woods. It was nice, actually. He missed being in Cloud Recesses. He laid back on the wood panels behind him in thought. Why on earth did Mo Xuanyu bring him back?

Chapter Text

Mo Xuanyu had every right to sacrifice his soul to Wei Wuxian, what with his family locking him away and his father being fucking Jin Guangshan. But, after the entire Mo Village situation was solved, one slash on his arm remained. And it was getting really tiresome trying to hide something that won't stop leaking. As wounds do when they try to heal. So, Wei Wuxian was stuck in silent contemplation on the Jingshi porch, while time and life itself moved on around him.

 Perhaps, Mo Xuanyu had brought Wei Wuxian back to live the life he couldn't. It's not every day that a teenager gets blinded and has to live in a worn down, abandoned shack on the outskirts of town. The half-sibling assault was a bit odd, but it felt like someone had framed him. Why else did Mo Xuanyu sacrifice his soul if it weren't for being framed and having his life ruined? It was very understandable, from Wei Wuxian's perspective, for he was a man who had been put on death row for protecting helpless people and killed for his morals. What a world he lived in, where the innocent are attacked and the guilty are worshipped. 

While he was lost in thought, Wei Wuxian had hardly heard the footsteps falling nearby. Over the last few days, Wei Wuxian's senses had improved. With a sharper sense of hearing than when he first came back, he was able to tell who was approaching, even a few seconds before they were in front of him.

"Hanguang-Jun! What a lovely coincidence!" 

A brief moment of silence. Even the birds had gone silent. 

"You are in my home, it's only expected that we will run into each other." More footsteps. A creak of the wood. A warm body next to Wei Wuxian. "... Mo-Gongzi… Are you… Happy. Here?" More creaking of the wood. Lan Wangji seemed restless. 

"Of course! I have everything I need! I've got a swarm of little Lans following me when I leave and I get field trips to Caiyi if I've been good!" He finished with his best attempt at a wink. Because, you know. Sliced eyes. Instead, it ended up looking like a painful squint, and Wei Wuxian turned his face back towards the sun. “Ah.. Honestly, it gets a little lonely sometimes. But, I prefer it! I didnt spend years secluded by myself in a shack just because I didn’t want to, did I?” 

...

Silence.

“Mn. Right.” Lan Wangji moved to stand, all but hesitantly, and left to go inside. Leaving Wei Wuxian with his thoughts and to his own devices; to fidget with the fallen leaves of the beginnings of autumn, the crunch soothing his mind. 

Eventually, Wei Wuxian got up and walked back into the Jingshi, leaning on the walls for support because of his legs being practically jelly after sitting down for an unknown amount of time. The sound of Lan Wangji warming up to play his guqin leading his path.  

The guqin faded into a song. A song so familiar that Wei Wuxian damn well could have experienced deja vu if he hadn't played it weeks ago. He's certain that, had he not whistled it, it would have flown right over his head and mistaken it for a folk song from Gusu. But Wei Wuxian couldn't sing along. It would blow his cover and then what? He would be kicked out of the Jingshi for faking an identity, Cloud Recesses for being Wei Wuxian, and out of Gusu for being the Yiling Patriarch. 

And so, he sat and listened. He sat and had to see in his mind a night of longing and fear. He sat and remembered beautiful, golden eyes illuminated by a fire. He sat and remembered Lan Wangji crying because his father died, his brother went missing, and his home was burned to the ground. He remembered telling Lan Wangji not to cry, because he was too beautiful to waste his time on tears. No, that's not right. Lan Wangji told him to be quiet because he was annoying. He sat and remembered the warmth of a lap and the sensation of a hand rubbing at his scalp as he fell asleep. Was it a hallucination? Probably. Exhaustion can do that, but Wei Wuxian can imagine it was real. He can pretend that he was given a small amount of affection from the boy who had hated him the most. He can pretend that he got love from someone other than Jiang Yanli. He can pretend. 

He remembered waking up to the smell of river water and lotuses. The smell of congee and the sounds of Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan arguing outside the room and Jiang Yanli trying to de-escalate the disagreement. He remembered Jiang Cheng holding his hand tightly as Jiang Fengmian spewed out insult after insult to Yu Ziyuan and brought Jiang Cheng into it. He remembered his first coherent thought being whether Lan Wangji found his brother. If he got home alright. When they'd meet again. 

The guqin stopped, leaving Wei Wuxian fiddling with thumbs sore and sensitive from a nervous tic of picking at his cuticles. Lan Wangji had put up his guqin and was now getting some tea ready, by the smells of it. The smell of sandalwood incense and oolong tea in the air had soothed Wei Wuxian in a way he never thought possible. It felt like home. No. Home is where you are welcome and don't have to hide yourself from the inhabitants. Wei Wuxian was not home because he was supposed to be Mo Xuanyu. He was not home because he was in love with Lan Wangji, a man who had hated them since the day they met. 

"-gongzi?" 

Ah, Lan Wangji was speaking. This wasn't good.

 "Mm? What is it, Hanguang-Jun?" Wei Wuxian had awkwardly turned his head towards the sound of Lan Wangji's voice. He once again thought of covering his eyes with a blindfold. 

"Does Mo-Gongzi want some tea? You've been outside all day, surely you're thirsty."

 "Some tea sounds great, Hanguang-Jun. Thank you." The next thing he knew, there was a cold hand guiding his towards a warm cup in front of him. He drank it. Lan Wangji asked him of his day and he talked.

Oh, how painful it was to be in love with the great Hanguang-Jun. Wei Wuxian could never gain this much affection from Lan Wangji had he still been in his original body. Lan Wangji would glare at him across the Jingshi and plainly escort him out after tea. But as Mo Xuanyu, he could be as shameless and flirtatious as he liked and not get kicked out. It was a part of Mo Xuanyu. It was not part of the Yiling Patriarch, for he massacred thousands and is incapable of love.  

Wei Wuxian's mind was in turmoil, but his storytelling was clear. Lan Wangji listened to every word, humming when he needed and asking questions when he needed more elaboration on a particular part of the story.

Lan Wangji was a great listener. He was a great cultivator, so it only made sense, but perhaps he could have asked Wei Wuxian of his day when they were younger. Perhaps then, Wei Wuxian would not have felt so lonely at the night after he had finished his punishments when he was training in Gusu all those years ago. But the past is the past, and Wei Wuxian has no way of bringing it back. No matter how badly he wished.   

It was an hour after Lan Wangji fell asleep that Wei Wuxian finally got into bed. He slept with his face towards the wall, afraid he would cling to Lan Wangji in the way he wished so badly every waking moment.

He fell asleep with his face towards the wall, and yet, in the morning, he awoke to the feeling of Lan Wangji gently prying himself out from under Wei Wuxian. He woke up, and didn't  have the courage to move, so he stayed attached to Lan Wangji for however long he struggled. 

Staying in Gusu will be so much more difficult if this is how they would wake up for the rest of Wei Wuxian's stay.

------

Wei Wuxian once again got bored of being in the Jingshi, so he ventured off the stone path the juniors crafted and stopped where the crunches of the different rocks combined and felt for the sign. Today, he decided to try wearing a mask or a blindfold or something related. He fumbled for a while until Lan Wangji came in and helped. Literal angel sent from the heavens, that man. 

Anyways, he was wearing a blindfold and venturing around Cloud Recesses, where nobody could see him unless they looked. He guided his hand on the sign, landing on the sign with the raised rabbit. He followed the path. 

When the path started getting fainter, covered gently by the sound of grass and leaves crunching beneath him, Wei Wuxian sat down, afraid of straying too far from it. Eventually, he'd be able to leave this nest of security and stones. But, for now, he can enjoy the sounds of the birds and the wind from where he was. 

An hour, maybe, had passed and there was a subtle rustling of the grass ahead of him. It was too quiet to be a person, so Wei Wuxian stayed still and let the animal pass. Then he started getting tickled by a tiny puff of air and a wetness on his wrist. Wei Wuxian breathed slowly and let the sniffs happen. It seemed he was in the animals territory and it was scoping him out for danger, which was endearing, considering he's the Yiling Patriarch and the most feared man in the land. 

When it hopped on Wei Wuxian's lap, he froze. There was a life in his hands and he would rather not put it at risk. Carefully, oh so carefully, Wei Wuxian started petting it. A rabbit, then. He'd thought when he found the ears. Perhaps, it is one of the rabbits I gave Lan Zhan. No, it's been too long. A descendant, then. He liked that thought. Even if it were just a wild rabbit in a field, the thought of it being a descendant of a rabbit Wei Wuxian brought before his life crumbled apart was a comfort. A comfort he didn't know he needed, and he suddenly liked this place a whole lot more.

 The grass smelled crisper, the birds happier, a new safe haven for the man who needed comfort the most. He neglected the thought in fear of getting too sentimental - more sentimental than he already is. As if it could read his thoughts, the rabbit moved and got nestled into Wei Wuxian's robes. Wei Wuxian began petting it softly just behind the ears and let the sounds and smells of the Cloud Recesses take control of his mind.

———————

Lan Wangji had been searching for Mo Xuanyu for the past hour, with no luck. He wasn't in or near the Jingshi, nor was he with the juniors in Caiyi. How many places could a skittish, blind man go without my being noticed at least once?

Lan Wangji decided to check the rabbit field, assuming Mo Xuanyu went to explore his special paths. He was not expecting to see Mo Xuanyu asleep, with several rabbits sleeping on him or sniffing his robes. He was not expecting to see a black spotted rabbit nibbling on his hair. Lan Wangji stood frozen on the path, unsure how to approach this situation. Does he wake up Mo Xuanyu or does he let him rest and quietly stand by to walk him back to the Jingshi because curfew was nearing. 

Mo Xuanyu stirred while Lan Wangji was contemplating and began to sit up. Perhaps he wasn't asleep after all and heard Lan Wangji approach? He quietly began to walk away before Mo Xuanyu could notice he was nearby. 

"Lan Wangji, Lan Wangji." Mo Xuanyu chuckled, "You are such a silly man. I give you rabbits when we were young and you let them breed and fill a field, thirteen years down the line. I thought you'd gotten rid of them because of you hating me. Next I'll find out you never hated me after all." 

Lan Wangji froze. He was certainly not expecting Mo Xuanyu to be Wei Wuxian, because how else would Mo Xuanyu, a person who had been an infant when Lan Wangji was gifted the bunnies, know where they came from? Wei Wuxian was back. That hadn't made sense. It was unthinkable. It was impossible. Wei Wuxian had always tried to achieve the impossible, though. He had saved the weak and harmless and gave them sanctuary. Wei Wuxian had survived in the Burial Mounds for three months. He had put people's lives before his own countless times, no matter the consequences, whether he'd be branded by the Wens, or be sealed in a cave with a Xuanwu of the Slaughter to ensure the safety of everyone else inside. 

Wei Wuxian, the boy who had captured his heart at fifteen. Wei Wuxian, the boy who had learned how to harness the spiritual energy of the deceased. Wei Ying, who had died thirteen years ago, protecting the Wens against society, fighting thousands of people on his own.

Wei Wuxian, the boy who forced him away after confessing, was alive. 

Chapter Text

It had been thirteen years since Wei Wuxian had died, and thirteen years since Lan Wangji's heart died with him. Thirteen years since Lan Wangji took in A-Yuan as his own while bleeding out from lashes on his back, caused by the Discipline Whip.

It had been ten years since Lan Wangji had gotten up out of bed, despite the soreness in his muscles on his back and played with a six year old A-Yuan in front of the Jingshi - imagining how Wei Wuxian would have buried him in the dirt, and how he, himself, couldn't.

It had been eight years since Lan Wangji finally gained full mobility in his back. The recovery had been long, with his heart still heavy from Wei Wuxian's death and A-Yuan's cries in the middle of the night crying for Xian-gege in his sleep, unsure how to explain to a child that their father wasn't coming back. Eight years since Jiang Wanyin approached him, asking if Lan Wangji would like to have Wei Wuxian's sword. Eight years since saying, No. Wei Ying would want you to have it and handing it back. 

It had been six years since A-Yuan became a Lan, showing his cultivating prowess and being praised by Lan Qiren, becoming the top of his class. Six years since Lan Yuan and Lan Jingyi became inseparable. Six years since Lan Wangji sat alone in the Jingshi while Lan Yuan played with Lan Jingyi, wondering how life would treat them, if they'll be lifelong friends. Six years since Lan Yuan looked at him and went, A-Die, Jingyi and I want to grow to be as strong as you and Chifeng-Zun! and Lan Wangji looked down at him and said, I'll be here when you do. 

It had been three years since Lan Wangji had looked through the hole under a loose floorboard, since he had even glanced in the direction of it and felt his heart break. Three years since Lan Yuan became Lan Sizhui. Three years since Sizhui looked at him, smiling and thanking him for teaching him how to play guqin. Three years since Lan Sizhui became horrifyingly sick, begging for his Xian-gege in a fever-addled sleep, yet not remembering anything from the time he had that fever. 

He had been recovering, when Wei Wuxian decided to come back. How could Wei Wuxian miss all of Lan Sizhui's developmental years and come back when he was a grown man? How could Wei Wuxian return? How was it possible a soul could transfer into another body?

Wei Wuxian was capable of impossible things, yes, but this was so unimaginable, so incomprehensible, there had to be a silver lining somewhere. There was just no way this could have happened without something happening in exchange. 

Lan Wangji had been recovering, when Wei Wuxian had shown up again after thirteen years, voice laced with nostalgia and something else while talking about the rabbits in the field. Lan Wangji had been recovering, when the realization of Wei Wuxian coming back blind meant that he could never see his eyes sparkle the way they did when he was overcome by joy, he could never see his eyes crinkle when he smiled, he could never see his eyes turn into little crescents. 

Mo Xuanyu's eyes were sliced beyond repair. It meant Wei Wuxian could never see the beauty of the world, the way he did before everything fell apart before their young, seventeen year old eyes. 

Wei Wuxian will never see the shock and disbelief that flitted across Lan Wangji's face, before going back to his blank expression. A safe expression. But what's the point in masking shock if the person you're masking for cannot see? There was no purpose.

He still did it. 

------------

Lan Wangji had ended up walking back to the Jingshi, the onslaught of emotions becoming too much to bear outside. Inside, he was safe. Inside, he could have a torrential downpour of emotions and tears and grief, for nobody's eyes to see. 

Nobody can see when Lan Wangji looks at the loose board by his bed - when he opens it and takes out a box, filled with drawings and a pressed peony from Wei Wuxian. 

Nobody will see when Lan Wangji begins to mourn a man who came back from the dead, because he will never see the mischievous glint in his eyes, nor the sparkle when something had clicked in his mind. 

Nobody will hear the moment Lan Wangji cried. The relief that flooded his body, heart, and soul when the knowledge of Wei Wuxian coming back had struck him. The knowledge that Lan Wangji was granted a second chance he didn't think he'd deserved. 

Lan Wangji was given a second chance to live alongside Wei Wuxian, and he'll be damned before he runs it to the ground. 

Wei Wuxian was on his way back from the field, clumsy feet tripping over robes a size too big, when he had stopped in his tracks upon hearing a melancholic tune. Perhaps Lan Wangji had come home and was composing a piece of music that was bound to surprise all who had the honor of hearing it.

He decided to wait until the song ended before walking back into the Jingshi, wanting to hear the ending more than not wanting to interrupt.

----

Wei Wuxian, after returning from death, is completely blind. That would be fine, if he was warned. 

He was not.

Which, fine, not everyone is warned that they're going to come back from the depths of Hell and have their souls pulled into someone who wanted revenge, nor are they usually warned that they were going to be blind. But. It would help, in the end, to see what Lan Wangji's face looked like, now, after thirteen years. 

The face he sees in the back of his mind is of a young Lan Wangji. A twenty-one year old Lan Wangji. A Lan Wangji who had looked at him, in hindsight, with fear. 

Wei Wuxian wishes he could have seen the face of Lan Wangji, when this morning, Wei Wuxian had shuffled over to the table while Lan Wangji was brewing tea, and said: "Lan Zhan. You know, I am sorry, for back then. I treated you so poorly. "

---

He had felt it was time to come clean, last night, and expose his identity. That way, before he got comfortable living with the Lans, the brother of sect leader would at least know who he was. Lan Wangji had sat in silence, and Wei Wuxian was convinced he'd fallen asleep, until he said a quiet "Mn. I know." followed by the sound of blankets rustling and then silence. Wei Wuxian didn't have the courage to ask him, 'When? Was I that obvious?' and was answered by silence. 

Wei Wuxian had scoffed, lightly slapped Lan Wangji, and rolled over to sleep.

---

Lan Wangji had been silent. Wei Wuxian wished he could see his face. If not to look at his jade like beauty, then just for this moment. A moment that had lingered in his mind for ages. Lan Wangji's reaction to an apology long overdue. 

Wei Wuxian wondered if the apology had played in Lan Wangji's mind, the way it did himself. For weeks, after the incident at Qiongqi Path, Wei Wuxian had replayed their conversation, wondering how he could have spoken differently. Lan Wangji had meant nothing but good, and Wei Wuxian had treated him so terribly. 

He heard a breath across from him, where Lan Wangji was sitting. Like Lan Wangji was about to speak, but unsure on how to word it. 

A beat of silence - of anticipation. Then, "It was not your fault how you behaved back then. You were not in the right mentality. I'm sorry I didn't help you sooner."  

Wei Wuxian paused. "You.." He swallowed, fiddling with his fingers, "Were you actually trying to protect me, back then? You were so stuck on bringing me to Gusu, I started to think you were actually going to imprison me if I accepted."

Lan Wangji had held a breath. That's the thing about blindness, all your other senses were increased tenfold. He probably wouldn't have noticed if he was constantly listening to things around him, aware of everything around him at all times, like a cat. 

"Lan Zhan. I hope you know I wanted to go with you, towards the end. I was so scared. I just wanted to be away from everything and at peace, but, I had the Wens to take care of. Hell, I had A-Yuan to take care of. Wen Qing was off taking care of the elders of the group, and rarely had time to even play with him, and Wen Ning was so scared of accidentally killing him with his new strength he still hadn't completely mastered - I couldn't leave them. Surely, you understand that."

Lan Wangji moved, by the sound of his robes. He still sat where he was. "I understand, now, why you did what you had back then." Lan Wangji had started, "But, back then, I was so worried you'd die thinking I didn't at least try to help you. I've regretted how little I communicated my wishes to you, but I had never intended to hurt you, Wei Ying. I simply wanted to protect you. Hide you from the world and its evils. I would have accepted the Wens, as long as it meant you coming home. I just wished for your safety. That was all. I had lived with that regret for years, until I realized you never would have come with me. Not until the Wens were safe from Jin Guangshan. Until they were safe in general."

Wei Wuxian let out a small laugh. Oh, how silly it all was. Lan Wangji had wished nothing but to protect Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian wished nothing but to hide with the Wens in a safe, secluded environment. He had known that never would have happened, with the Wens still alive. He had accepted that long before the Siege. They wouldn't stop until he and the remnants were dead. 

"Aiya, Lan Zhan. Why don't we try again? Without Wen Ruohan here to destroy everything. Without the cultivation world coming after my power. Wouldn't that be nice?" 

"Mn," Lan Wangji hummed, "It would." 

-----

And so, thirteen years after the siege on Burial Mounds, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji sat at a table in town, and talked. About everything and nothing at the same time. About the juniors and their own childhoods. About Xuanwu cave and Emperor's Smile still tasting as amazing as it did when they were younger. 

It was as if Wei Wuxian hadn't become the Yiling Patriarch at all, like everything that happened was just a bad dream. For a moment, Wei Wuxian could pretend he could see, and saw Lan Wangji softly smile at him while he talked about his garden of lotuses he had planted, and how proud he was when that first seed sprouted out of the mud. 

It felt like he was young again.

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji had been getting closer. Closer, since Wei Wuxian had told Lan Wangji he was willing to give the two of them a chance at love, thirteen whole years after Lan Wangji had confessed to him in that cold and damp cave. 

That was how, in the early hours of the morning, when the birds were just starting to sing and everything else was quiet; moreso, with the altitude of the mountains of Cloud Recesses damping down any noise, Wei Wuxian found himself bathing with Lan Wangji. 

His hands had been roaming, feeling for any differences in the boy he knew when he was fifteen, and the young adult he ran into at twenty-one. A rag in hand, he blindly - ha - reached for the soap. 

Sandalwood was still Lan Wangji's smell, richer now that he's grown. As if the sandalwood itself matured with him. A silly thought, but all Wei Wuxian has now are his thoughts - he had no way to read nor a way to draw, maybe one day he'd be able to do the things he desires, perhaps invent a talisman to help him see. If not completely, then at least people's qi - yeah, that may work. He quickly shook himself out of his head before he thought anything further, preferring not to sit in this tub while water got colder while he conjured up ideas for his free time. 

Lan Wangji's back was more defined, now. More toned and muscular Wei Wuxian could ever dream of for himself. The perks of being a Lan, he supposes. The punishment and training of handstands while writing had always given Lan Wangji more strength. Perhaps more than Wei Wuxian was happy with. Now, he can admit his jealousy over the Lan arm strength. Now, he can feel Lan Wangji's biceps and shoulder blades. He was allowed. 

His roaming had stopped, however, when he felt stiff, large ridges spanning down the large planes of Lan Wangji's back. He would have shrugged off one or two - they were cultivators after all - but this was several. All of them not the scratch marks one would associate with a yaoguai, but something manmade. 

He'd felt Lan Wangji tense beneath his hands, the scars stiffening even more as he did. Just how painful were they? His scar from the core transfer had burned and ached in ways he'd never enjoyed. His belly never able to stretch completely, the few times he was able to eat more than a small bowl of soup. He couldn't imagine that feeling tenfold - let alone however many Lan Wangji had spanned across his back and down his shoulders. 

The whole time Wei Wuxian had sat there, Lan Wangji had only grown more tense, as if he feared the question of their cause. As if he were afraid of whatever words came out of Wei Wuxian's mouth next. 

Carefully Wei Wuxian spoke. "Lan Zhan," He flinched, then, "Lan Zhan, I will not press the matters of the causes of these wounds. I only wish to know if they were done by man. If they still hurt."

He'd felt more than heard Lan Wangji take in his next breath, if only because his hands were now rubbing subconsciously across them. "I.. I will tell Wei Ying." He'd swallowed, and Wei Wuxian began working the soap into a lather on Lan Wangji's skin, in hopes to soothe the man. "Back then, I had carried you to demon-slaughter cave. I had wanted to hide you- protect you."

Wei Wuxian nodded, it had made sense in hindsight, that Lan Wangji was the one to bring him back to Burial Mounds. He thought it weird his fragmented memories had shown him Burial Mounds, when he wasn't in the right mind space to even try making the trip there. Turns out Lan Wangji was behind the sudden change in scenery. He was beginning to think his nightmares were tainting his memories.

"I... had known Xiongzhang would have tried to stop me. I hadn't expected him to bring the elders with him. " Lan Wangji paused to recollect his thoughts. He'd already spoken far more than his daily limit. Wei Wuxian hummed, now moving to work shampoo into the man's hair, gently massaging his scalp. "They had all summoned their swords on me. I do not fault them. They were angry and afraid. However, I was also angry and afraid, towards them. I fought them back, if only to protect you a while longer."

He turned his face to Wei Wuxian then, scars at the base of his neck straining under the movement. How much pain had flared up with that movement?

"I would not have lived with myself if I didn't fight for you until your final breath. They had managed to bring me out of the cave and into Cloud Recesses hours later. When we got there, the elders told Shufu about my... rebellion. He'd ordered for thirty-three lashes from the discipline whip, for the amount of elders I fought. I don't remember much, after the punishment. Everything is a blur, then there's nothing at all. I remember sitting outside the jingshi, drinking Emperor's Smile and looking at the gentian garden. Xiongzhang had found me, later that night, in the secret room in the library. He says I lashed out at him, and branded my chest with the Wen Brand." He then turned his body towards Wei Wuxian, however slowly to not spill the water out of the tub, then pressed Wei Wuxian's hand against his chest. There had, indeed, been a brand there. He cringed at the feeling there, the skin sunken in and uneven from the burn.

Wei Wuxian had never witnessed his branding healing. From the infection the week after leaving that cave, to being thrown into a brutal hellscape for three months, he wasn't really healthy enough to heal. Not from the branding, nor from the core transfer. He's glad that at least Lan Wangji had people who loved him nearby when he needed them most. Gods know what Lan Wangji would have done if Lan Xichen hadn't been there at all. 

Wei Wuxian breathed in slowly, gently feeling the burn and the whip scars that carried over his shoulders. If he could cry, he would have long ago. He didn't know what to say, if trying to comfort would make it worse. So, he nodded. Then, he reached his arms out and gave Lan Wangji the biggest, most comforting hug he could. Praying to all the gods that it would be enough. He mumbled something like, "I'm so sorry I did this to you, Lan Zhan," before gently rubbing the man's back in circles. 

It seemed to have worked, if not made obvious by the way Lan Wangji buried his face in the crevice of his neck, and holding himself there. He'd most definitely needed this more than ever. 

They stayed in each other's arms for a while longer, but eventually Lan Wangji had pulled his head up but not completely. Deciding to just rest his head against Wei Wuxian's forehead. Like having contact with him was the only thing keeping Lan Wangji calm. 

Their breaths mingled in the space between them, and Wei Wuxian could all but feel Lan Wangji's gaze on him.

He doesn't even think - and maybe that was the problem - before closing in the small space between them. Their lips touched lightly, before Wei Wuxian pulled back faster than he'd ever moved before, chanting apologies and 'I didn't mean to's. 

He didn't have time to think before Lan Wangji had pulled Wei Wuxian in by his jaw, his touch searing on his skin, and kissed him like the world was going to end and the only way to prevent it was kissing Wei Wuxian. 

It was like a floodgate was opened, and just as quickly as he pulled away just seconds earlier, he began searching for something, anything, of Lan Wangji to grab. He'd resorted to grabbing the back of his head, burying his fingers into his soapy hair. 

Kissing Lan Wangji was grounding. His lips were plush and soft, the way he had imagined they were in his dreams of living in a cottage in the countryside. His tongue was teasing at Wei Wuxian's lips, not quite pressing. The hand holding his jaw was tentative, but strong. Like he was afraid Wei Wuxian would pull away, but desperately trying to cling onto this moment.

When Lan Wangji had pulled back for air, Wei Wuxian chased after his lips, desperate to get more, more, more. Their breaths were racing, but the hadn't done anything at all. Lan Wangji just stayed pulled away, his hand sliding up to embrace Wei Wuxian's cheek. Which Wei Wuxian happily leaned into. 

He felt like he was a kid again. A boy of the forgotten past who had fallen asleep in Lan Wangji's lap, the sound of strings being played in the background. 

A laugh bubbled out from his chest, loud and giddy, before pulling Lan Wangji back towards him and kissing everywhere he could. 

A kiss on his eyebrow, above his nose, on his chin, on the forehead, before finally landing back on Lan Wangji's lips. 

He selfishly thought he could get used to this. 

Chapter Text

SO !! No i am NOT dropping this fic, i just wanted to explain what the FUCK jusr happened.

I was contemplating this for a while, actually. i always hated how short my chapters were, but never made any commitments to fix it?? until now??? so !! Chapters 1 and 2 are merged into One Full Chapter, as goes for 3&4 and 5&6 . eventually, what once was chapter seven (now four) will merge into the next chapter. because THAT one is a whopping 800 words and i am embarrassed!! anyways!!! sorry for getting everyone's hopes up. planning on dropping the next chapter very very soon!! we're getting to the canon plot, now!!!