Chapter Text
“Emani, sweetie, Are you ready?” Kathryn called from the other room.
Emani looked up from the toys spread out over the floor of her room. Uh-oh. She had been supposed to put it all away before they left, but she’d gotten so caught up in her game… Mrs. Hoppington was prisoner in a forcefield surrounded by bad guys, and only Emani, Captain Mousy and their invisible army of magical creatures were able to save her.
Emani heard Kathryn’s footsteps approach so she quickly shoved all the bad guys under her bed and knelt next to it, looking at the two remaining toys. Mrs. Hoppington and Captain Mousy. Which one to take with her? She was supposed to only bring one. A moment later Kathryn walked into the room, smiling. “Well, little mouse, are you ready to go?”
“Almost.” She stared on between her two plush animals, torn. Mrs. Hoppington had been with her since before she could remember, and she usually took her with her wherever she went, but Chakotay and Kathryn had given her the mouse when she had first moved with them. So what if she took Mrs. Hoppington and Kathryn thought she didn’t like the mouse? Maybe it would hurt her feelings. She should take the mouse then. But what about Mrs. Hoppington? She couldn’t leave her all alone.
Kathryn came to sit next to her on the bed. “Can’t make up your mind which to take?”
Emani shook her head.
“I’ll tell you what,” Kathryn said gently as she leaned in to speak softly, as if telling her a secret. “How about you bring them both? I’m sure I can make some room in my bag for the Captain.”
Emani beamed at her. “Really? Yes, please! I don’t want to leave either of them alone.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Not with all the bad guys!”
Kathryn looked serious at that and her voice got softer. “What bad guys, sweetie? You know you’re safe here, don’t you?”
“Sure I do,” Emani lowered herself to the floor again to lift the blankets, with the intent of showing Kathryn the toys she’d hidden under the bed. “But Mrs. Hoppington and Captain Mousy can’t defend themselves against all of those if I’m not there. I’m the only one who can call the magical creatures with my mind.”
Kathryn made a funny face as she knelt to peek under the bed too. “I see. It’s a good thing we’ll take both of them, then – they’ll be safe with you. But when we come back,” Kathryn went on as she stood again, “How about I help you fight these off. We can’t have bad guys in the house, now, can we?”
Emani grinned. “Oh no we can’t! I’m sure you’re going to scare them right off! They’re afraid of you because I told them you can command a bunch of ships.”
Kathryn made a funny face again, nodding, then smiled, stroking Emani’s hair. “Alright, we better go. Or we’ll be late for transport.”
Emani grabbed her plush toys, then skipped alongside Kathryn as they made their way to the door, grabbing their luggage on the way.
“Kathryn? What is it like, where we’re going?”
Kathryn looked down at her and smiled. “Flat.” Emani giggled. “But there are plenty of fun spots to explore. The house is very old, so there are all kinds of little crooks and corners to venture into. And, if the conditions are right, you might even get to see real snow.”
“That would be so much fun! I hope I’ll see snow. And I wish Chakotay was coming with us. Has he ever seen real snow?”
“I’m sure he has, but you’ll have to ask him when he returns. And, by then you’ll have gotten to know the area so well you’ll have plenty to show him.”
Emani nodded, satisfied. She missed her new dad when he left on his ex..ca...vations. So she couldn’t wait until he returned! “What is it called? The place we’re going?” Emani asked as they started walking again.
“Indiana,” Kathryn replied very softly, as if she spoke to herself. “It’s called Indiana.”
Emani looked up at Kathryn in time to see her blow out a long breath through her cheeks. Somehow sensing the uneasiness in that gesture, Emani slipped her hand into Kathryn’s. “Don’t worry. If you get scared just take my hand and the feeling will go away.”
Kathryn smiled at her again, but this time, it looked like there were tears in her smile. Not quite understanding where they were coming from, Emani just squeezed her hand tighter.
Then Kathryn gave a stern nod. “Alright. Ready?”
Emani grinned. “Let’s do it.”
oooOooo
Kathryn took a moment to breathe in the familiar scent in the air, sweeping her gaze around the landscape in a mix of nostalgia and trepidation until her gaze settled upon her childhood home at last. It was a stately two-storied brick house, but the white wooden porch that lined the front side made it homey, less austere. Cherished. It was a strange house for a Starfleet officer and an astrochemist to settle in: in the middle of what was, and had long been, farm country. But Kathryn’s mother had always loved antiques and old houses – and her father had grown up in this area. So Kathryn’s parents had chosen to settle here, in this renovated 20th-century farm house to raise their family. The winter leafless trees and yellowish grass made it look a little dreary now, but in the spring and summer the place bustled with life, both flora and fauna. Her mother always made sure of that.
While Emani ran ahead excitedly down the path to the house, looking around and verbalizing every little thing she noticed, Kathryn’s feet halted a short distance from the front steps with the sudden need to take a bracing breath. Of course she was glad to be back here; her childhood memories associated with this place were happy and plentiful. And yet... there was an uncomfortable clenching sensation in her stomach. A pinch of dread.
Kathryn knew why, of course.
Her relationship with her mother had never exactly been smooth sailing but often tense, and always complicated. Especially after her father had passed. Though affectionate and warm, Gretchen Janeway was highly demanding and critical of those she loved; seemingly hard to please, at least in the eyes of her daughters. Kathryn, strong-willed and high-achieving from a very young age, had butted heads with Gretchen her entire life. She had never taken criticism easily after all, and her mother provided plenty of it, usually unsolicited. Kathryn mused that there was plenty going on in her life right now that might invite her mother’s criticism, so she instinctively braced herself for it – for the inevitable.
As she stood there, facing her childhood home, it occurred to her that Chakotay himself had never shied away from standing up to her, or from offering criticism when he thought it was necessary, especially as her First Officer on Voyager. She smiled faintly at the thought and the memories it triggered. But that was different. Chakotay had questioned her actions, not her character. And his approach was different too – though blunt, Chakotay was tactful. Often playful. Her mother’s reprobation tended to be veiled and subtle. A code to be deciphered and pondered upon. This had left Kathryn and her sister constantly on their guard, never knowing when they’d be slipping on black ice, and always wondering what had happened afterward. Of course, now Kathryn understood that her mother’s criticism was ultimately well-meaning – to push her to do better, to make her think and reflect critically about her actions, and in some ways she was grateful, but... Even despite this growth and acquired maturity, Kathryn had never been able to quite shake the life-long habit of steeling herself in anticipation of her mother’s critical eye. Because it had never stopped grating her pride.
The creaky sound of a door opening and the barking of dogs pulled Kathryn from her thoughts. Her face broke into a grin when two dogs – one tiny and one large – came rushing out the front door and ran straight to them. First to Kathryn, a little suspiciously, but after determining that they didn’t pose a threat, they turned their excited attention to Emani, joyfully circling her with wagging tails and happy wailing sounds. Emani squealed and almost wept in pure delight. She let them lick her face and nudge her around, laughing, all the while trying to pet the elusive dogs or grab the smallest of the two. After a beat, Kathryn looked up and found Gretchen standing in the open doorway, smiling and waving at them. “Katie, Emani! Welcome! Come on in!”
Kathryn smiled too, because despite everything, despite the slight, lingering pinch of dread in her stomach, she was always happy to see her. A complicated relationship, indeed.
A second later, Kathryn’s sister, Phoebe, appeared behind Gretchen, grinning widely as well. Kathryn’s smile broadened and she went to greet them both, nudging Emani along on the way.
“Emani, come here and let me give you a hug, sweetie,” Gretchen said warmly after she’d embraced Kathryn, now opening her arms to Emani. Emani didn’t need to be told twice. “My, how much you’ve grown since I last saw you!” That had been at the wedding. Emani had been drawn to Gretchen almost instantly that day, even though it had been their first meeting in person. And while Gretchen had initially been taken aback by the suddenness of Kathryn and Chakotay’s decision to adopt Emani, and had been a little reticent at first, Emani had managed to melt her mother’s heart in a matter of minutes once they had met. Not unlike the way she had melted Kathryn’s, and Chakotay’s.
When the greetings were over, Gretchen urged them all inside, the dogs included. “Katie, where’s that mysterious, handsome husband of yours?” She asked as she took their coats.
“Out playing in the dirt,” Kathryn replied, smiling wryly at the description. And admittedly, it was still a little strange and thrilling to hear Chakotay referred to as her husband. She still wasn’t used to the sound of it.
“He’s an...archaeologist,” Emani explained, beaming proudly. “But he couldn’t come with us because there was a huge ion storm where he works and he couldn’t fly his space ship because it was too dangerous.”
Gretchen redirected her gaze to Kathryn, raising an eyebrow.
Kathryn nodded in confirmation. “It’s not as dramatic as this little one likes to make it, but I’m afraid it’s true. He’s safe. And if all goes well he’ll be here tomorrow, in time for your birthday dinner, Mom.”
“Good!” Gretchen gave a satisfied nod. “Good. Well, come on in!”
“Would you like to meet your cousins, Emani?” Phoebe suggested then, bending at the waist to meet Emani’s eyes. Kathryn looked past her and saw the curious little faces of her niece and nephew spying on them from behind the wall. Kathryn grinned, redirecting her gaze to Emani.
Emani’s eyes darted to hers. “I don’t know. I’ve never had cousins before.”
“Well, you get two at once!” Phoebe replied cheerfully. “Ethan is about your age, Maggie is almost 9. It’ll be fine, I promise. And if they don’t behave, you come and tell me. Alright?”
Kathryn felt Emani’s small fingers curl around her palm and her heart gave a brief lurch at the gesture, remembering Emani’s words earlier. She glanced down at her and seeing the apprehension in her wide eyes, she clasped her hand firmly in hers, giving her an encouraging nod. Emani returned the squeeze and smiled.
“Okay,” Emani said bravely. “I’m ready.”
~~o~~
Kathryn had to admit, the first several hours of her reunion with her family went more smoothly than she had anticipated. Emani was doing great getting acquainted with Ethan and Maggie, while the adults spent the time interacting with the children, preparing dinner, and catching up – often all at once. Gretchen was cheerful and warm and laughed easily at both her daughters’ wry humor and her grandchildren’s antics. It was heartwarming to see and Kathryn found herself relaxing more and more.
She had to step away from the others every once in a while though, called away to answer communications from Starfleet. The Gianfarians were in the middle of an election for the prime minister’s office, and everyone on Gianfar and Maradibaya alike seemed to be on edge, waiting to see how it would unfold. Because the results of the elections could potentially alter or undo all of the diplomatic work that had been achieved between the two planets so far, in which Kathryn and Chakotay had played a big part. So Kathryn was trying to follow the events closely. She might be away from Starfleet Command, but unfortunately she wasn’t officially on leave either.
After dinner the kids disappeared again to play, so only Gretchen and her two daughters remained seated at the table, sipping on coffee and quietly conversing. Kathryn told them a bit about the situation on Gianfar, and why it preoccupied her so much, though neither her mother nor her sister were particularly interested in interstellar politics. They were interested to learn more about where Emani came from however, so Kathryn was happy to satisfy their curiosity and tell them more about the Federation colony. Later, once Phoebe was done catching Kathryn up on why her husband Ben wasn’t here either, and the latest pranks her son Ethan had pulled at school (with a mix of exasperation and pride), a companionable kind of silence ensued.
Gretchen sighed, contented. “I’m glad you’re both here, girls,” she said quietly after a moment, patting Phoebe’s hand affectionately. “It’s been too long since I’ve had my two daughters with me together, like this. That’s all a mother wants, to see her children happy and safe. Phoebs already knows that, of course, and I think you’ll find that out soon enough for yourself, Katie.”
Kathryn smiled from behind her cup. “I think I already have.”
Phoebe nodded, glancing over her shoulder in the direction of the living room, where the kids were playing, and leaned with her elbows on the table to lower her voice a little. “Emani’s such a sweet child. And it’s obvious she’s thriving. You and Chakotay must be doing something right,” she teased. “I mean it can’t be easy, after everything she’s been through.”
“No. I wouldn’t say it’s been easy,” Kathryn conceded softly. She thought back to all those moments of doubts and uncertainty, to those late-night conversations with Chakotay, when the two of them had been at a complete loss trying to figure out how to handle the rough patches. Kathryn had had one of those just a few days ago, but luckily those episodes were far and in-between now. “But you’re right. All in all I think she’s adapted remarkably well,” Kathryn went on. “I think we all have, considering,” she added with a quiet, derisive chuckle. Considering that both she and Chakotay had been used to their independence, that neither of them had really considered having children until they’d met Emani, or that they had only been together as a couple for a year when they had decided to take her on. Or that neither of them had any substantial experience raising a child at all! Honestly, it was amazing that they’d made it this far!
Kathryn smirked to herself. If Chakotay were here, she would have exchanged a glance with him. She felt his absence acutely, all of a sudden, and she looked instinctively at the time, wondering where he was now. Worrying about him, despite her own assurances to her mother that he was safe. He would be traveling through a rough patch of space to return to Earth, and though she trusted him and his team to take care of themselves, she couldn’t stop worrying for his safety.
Oblivious, Gretchen nodded in agreement, pulling Kathryn back to the conversation. “She’s bright, and curious. In fact, she reminds me of you at her age, Katie. You always had that same kind of... spark. Vivacity.”
“Surely I wasn’t that much of a chatterbox,” Kathryn replied, smiling wryly behind her cup, and Phoebe snorted into her own mug.
At that moment Phoebe’s communicator beeped - her husband Ben, she told them before she excused herself, leaving Kathryn with her mother.
“Well, you had your moments,” Gretchen told Kathryn, smiling a little nostalgically. “When you were really passionate about something. I think that keen quality was what had your father completely wrapped around that little finger of yours.”
Kathryn smiled to herself, knowing better than to deny it. The admiration had been mutual. She had always shared her mother’s interest in science, but it was her father’s devotion to Starfleet and to exploration that she had most admired growing up. If her relationship with Gretchen was bumpy and confrontational, with her father it had been easy, companionable, affectionate. She had always felt an affinity toward him, and he towards her. And so to everyone in the family, Katie had always been her ‘daddy’s little girl.’ Now she dimly wondered whether her mother had resented that.
“You know it’s funny,” Kathryn said now, “that’s exactly what’s happening here too, with Chakotay. He would do anything for Emani. And as much as I find that exasperating sometimes, it’s a rather endearing thing to see, coming from him. He’s usually so self-possessed,” Kathryn added with a soft chuckle, unaware of how the tenderness reflected on her face softened her features when she spoke of him.
Gretchen nodded, reaching out to pat her arm briefly. “I’m glad he’ll be joining us. I’ve been hoping for a chance to get to know him better. I only met him a couple of times, remember? And one of those was at your wedding.”
“Yes, well... it’s been a busy few months,” Kathryn replied on a sigh, deciding to ignore the subtle reproach that seemed to lie beneath the words. Kathryn had barely seen Chakotay herself over the last couple of months. When he wasn’t the one away for his research, she was, called to space by her Starfleet duties. She missed him. With a shake of the head, she leaned back into her chair, cradling her mug with both hands. “But it’s not like we haven’t invited you to spend some time with us in San Francisco. You know you’re always welcome.”
“Yes, when the two of you are not out in space or playing in the dirt or presiding over interstellar diplomacy?” Gretchen countered with a wry smile of her own.
Despite the smile, Kathryn heard the tone. She glared at her mother in warning, shooting her a look that clearly said ‘please don’t start.’ It had been going so well.
Gretchen shook her head, her smile softening. “It’s not a reproach, Katie. Just a statement of fact. You said so yourself: you lead busy lives. Dangerous lives.” She sighed, her expression turning more serious. “I can’t deny that I worry about you sometimes, though.” When Kathryn started to sigh, she went on. “It’s my job, you know, as your mother. And it’s a life-long appointment.”
“Well, I know there’s nothing I can say that will make you stop worrying. But I can at least reassure you that there’s no need. I’m perfectly fine.”
“Yes, but are you happy?” Her mother pressed, more eagerly now, leaning forward suddenly, looking into her eyes. “I’m sorry, Katie, but I have to ask! I barely know your husband and you two seem to spend so much time apart... It can’t be healthy, for you, him or Emani! And don’t think I haven’t noticed how... distracted you’ve been today, Katie. Always something on your mind, always working, even when you’re not... just like your father. He was always working, too.”
Annoyed now, Kathryn jumped to her feet to refill her cup – if only to give her mind something other than her swelling anger to focus on. “That’s completely uncalled for,” she replied. She was rather proud of how calm she sounded. “How Chakotay and I choose to live our lives is our business and no one else’s. I’d be grateful if you didn’t meddle, please.”
Gretchen followed Kathryn with her eyes as she returned to her seat, stirring her tea distractedly. “It’s not my intention to meddle. But try putting yourself in my shoes – my daughter disappears for seven years; and then she comes back and becomes thoroughly involved with a man I’ve never heard her mention before, a man with a violent past no less, a Maquis, a man who’s so different from her former fiancé, I don’t-” Gretchen stopped herself abruptly and clamped her mouth shut, as if she hadn’t meant to say that last part out loud.
Oh but she had.
Kathryn let out a long sigh. There it was. She had heard variations of this talk since she had started dating – Are you sure he’s right for you, Katie? Don’t you think that young man of yours a little too frivolous for you? He strikes me as a little careless, Katie... Too young, too old, too handsome, not handsome enough... Mark had been the exception to this flow of criticism – for some reason her mother had approved of him almost instantly. And considering how that had ended, it only irked Kathryn even more now.
“First of all, Chakotay isn’t a Maquis anymore,” Kathryn replied, doing her best to keep her temper in check. “And even if he still was, it would be his decision and I would support it, because I know that he’s unable to act against his conscience. And second, his past is no more violent than mine.” She drew in another calming breath. “And isn’t Chakotay being different from Mark a good thing, considering how that ended?”
Kathryn couldn’t deny that a petty part of her was still a little bitter about Mark, and it seeped into her tone. She didn’t blame him for not waiting for her, not really, especially considering the happiness she would have missed had she not been free to love someone else. But her ego was still bruised. Nobody wanted to be forgettable. So she couldn’t understand why her mother still clang to the idea of Mark, despite all this. Or why she was so wary of Chakotay. Though Gretchen obviously liked him generally (it was impossible to dislike Chakotay, Kathryn thought), it was as if her mother hadn’t decided yet whether Chakotay measured up to her standards – whatever they may be – and so she was still evaluating him, measuring his worth. Judging him. That irritated Kathryn to no end because she already knew his worth. And her mother questioning it implied a complete lack of trust in Kathryn’s judgement, as if she were still a child of ten rather than a mature woman (and a goddamned Starfleet Admiral, who had carried the souls of over a hundred crew men and women on her shoulders for years). The thought added fuel to the spark of anger that Kathryn had been trying to smother and it flared suddenly, violently.
“You know what?” She said abruptly without waiting for her mother’s reply to her rhetorical question, suddenly tired of this conversation, and of having to defend her life choices. She set her cup down rather roughly and rose to her feet again, leaning over the table with her hands on the surface. “Yes, Chakotay is different from Mark. If I got stuck at the other end of the galaxy right now, I know that he would drop everything, jump on a ship and meet me halfway. He would find a way, no matter how long it took. Because he wouldn’t let me go so easily.” She shook her head wearily, and when she spoke again, she sounded deflated, her voice raw and low-pitched to her own ears. She straightened, then rubbed her forehead. “He’s my match. It’s that simple. He makes me want to be a better person – much more so than Mark ever was or did. So yes, I am happy. I only wish you could see that. Or at the very least, trust me enough to give him the chance he deserves.”
Gretchen held her eyes stubbornly for a long second, but it was obvious that she was taken aback by the forcefulness and passion of Kathryn’s defense of Chakotay (even though she hadn’t raised her voice at all). Why it should surprise her to see Kathryn defend him in the same way Gretchen defended those she loved, was beyond Kathryn. Maybe because she’d never spoken of the other men in life with as much utter conviction. Or obvious raw, potent emotion.
After a beat Gretchen regained her composure and she gave a resolute nod as she leaned back as well, interlacing her fingers on her stomach. “Alright then. I will.”
It was Kathryn’s turn to be thrown off by her mother’s quiet concession, because there was a challenge there too, in the way she’d lifted her chin. They stared at each other for a moment longer, until: “Aunt Katie, Emani won’t let me play with Jimbo! But I want to pet him too!”
“That’s not true! Ethan started it, he didn’t want me to pet the cat, he said-”
Tearing her eyes away from her mother’s face at the distraction, Kathryn pushed herself from the table and made her way to the children as if on autopilot, her own words still ringing in her ears, her heart pounding, her throat raw. She lifted a hand to stop the kids’ complaints, which started rising again at her approach. “I don’t want to hear who started it. I’m more interested to hear your solution,” she heard herself say calmly but sternly to the children. It was her captain’s voice. She idly remembered speaking to Tom and Harry in that tone a couple of times.
The children blinked as they stared up at her. “Well, they could take turns,” Maggie suggested, a little shyly.
“Turns, I like that idea,” Kathryn agreed. “Emani? Ethan?”
“Yeah, I suppose that would work.” “Yeah, okay,” they muttered under their breaths.
“Good. Now it’s getting late. You can play a little bit more with the dogs, but after that it’s bed time.”
After the kids promised to behave, duly subdued (and Ethan and Maggie duly impressed by Kathryn’s aura of authority, which their mother didn’t really have), Kathryn considered returning to the kitchen to finish the conversation. Perhaps apologize for losing her temper. But then she shook her head. She needed some air. Some time to recover. To regain some composure. She felt frayed, tired and irritable. Had for days now, actually, now that she thought about it. It was all catching up to her tonight, it seemed, and her mother’s criticism of Chakotay was the proverbial straw, all the more because he wasn’t there. She felt tears prick behind her eyelids and she shook her head at herself, annoyed. What the hell was wrong with her? She was a Starfleet admiral, for goodness’ sake! She had faced the Borg queen without flinching, yet a few clumsy words from her mother and she was an emotional mess.
So she hurried to the front door instead, grabbing her jacket on the way. She ran into her sister on her way out, who was just coming down the stairs. Phoebe, who was familiar with that expression on Kathryn’s face, knew to steer clear so she only sighed.
“I need some air. Can you watch the kids for a bit?” Kathryn asked her.
“Yes, of course.”
“Thanks.”
Kathryn hurried through the door and stepped outside, going down the porch steps to the lawn. She stopped only when she was well away from the door. She zipped up her jacket and buried her hands in her pockets, closing her eyes. She took in a series of deep breaths from the crisp, winter air, turning the collar of her coat against the chill. She looked up, instinctively. Wistfully. It was a clear night, and stars shone bright overhead, despite the slight light pollution from the nearby town and, far on the horizon, the glow from the Millennium Gate. It didn’t look like it would snow any time soon, though Kathryn knew all too well how changing the weather patterns could be on the plains. It certainly felt cold enough.
With her gaze riveted to the stars, her thoughts inevitably returned to Chakotay. That acute awareness of his absence returned with a vengeance, punching a painful hole inside her. She always missed him when they were apart, but tonight it felt... worse. Much worse. She took a moment to orient herself off the familiar constellations, then spun on her feet until she was facing the direction he would be traveling from. Where was he now? Seized with a sudden, overpowering need to see him, hear his voice, she felt for the portable unit inside her pocket and fished it out. She turned on the communications and quickly input the necessary commands to establish communications, then waited. She knew it might take a while for the contact to be established – for the signal to travel to Chakotay, wherever he might be. After a moment, the device beeped almost regretfully.
Impossible to establish connection.
Kathryn’s heart sank and she sighed, disappointed. He must still be stranded on the planet, then. The hole inside her seemed to gape open wider. Well, he’d be here tomorrow. Until then, she needed to get a grip. She wasn’t usually so brooding. It was time she stopped and got over herself.
After one last look at the stars, Kathryn pocketed the device again and turned to go back inside. She climbed up the steps but stopped short when a sound – an all-too-familiar, high-pitched, tinkling, technological sound – drifted from somewhere behind her. Her hand stopped just short of the door handle and she whirled around, her heart leaping in her chest in sudden, wild hope. Because she knew that sound.
The telltale shimmering of a transporter beam illuminated the night for a brief moment, and the next instant, Chakotay was standing in the spot. He was facing away from her, one bag slung over his shoulder and another hanging from his hand. He looked down at a tricorder, then up again, as if to make sure that he’d transported down to the right coordinates.
Kathryn’s heart flipped at the sight of him and she exhaled sharply once her heart thudded back into place. She took down the steps in a hurry and walked in long strides to greet him. Chakotay turned at the sound of her feet against the pavement and his face lit up at the sight of her, his features only illuminated by the light from the porch behind her.
“Kathryn!” He exclaimed in a mix of pleasure and surprise, his feet already bringing him closer to her.
Grinning widely through teary eyes, Kathryn opened up her arms and he met her halfway, each wrapping their arms around the other, holding on tight. He had his face in her hair, then against her neck. Kathryn responded in kind, breathing him in, her arms pulling him tighter against her. If he noticed a hint of desperation in how fiercely she held on to him, he didn’t mention it. Once she was satisfied that he was really here, that she hadn’t lost her mind and hallucinated the whole thing, that it was really his heartbeat that she felt alongside hers, she pulled back, moved her hands to the back of his head and pressed her lips to his. He smiled and sighed against her, responding eagerly and bringing his hand to touch her cheek, her hair. He then kissed her cheek, her neck. After a while they chuckled, a little breathless, and pulled back. Kathryn drank in the sight of him. After missing him so achingly, she couldn’t seem to get her fill of him.
“That was a nice welcome,” Chakotay remarked teasingly, still sounding a little breathless, his breath making little puffs of air between them.
“You simply have no idea how perfect your timing was!” She retorted, laughing a little. “I wasn’t expecting you until late tomorrow,” Kathryn added more seriously but still smiling and studying his face. He looked tired but the familiar, beloved gleam in his eyes was as warm as ever. “How did you manage to come back so quickly?”
“Suffice it to say I got tired of waiting. I managed to convince the others to push the engines a little.” He sighed, then his brows furrowed a little, falling more serious. “I don’t know why but it was harder this time.”
“What was?”
“Being away. All I could think about this last week was coming back to you and Emani.”
Kathryn nodded slowly a few times, watching him closely in the dim light. “I know. I’ve felt it too.”
“Do we need to talk about that?” He asked, his voice low. Atypically insecure.
“Probably. But not right now.” She kissed him again, sweetly this time, tenderly.
He smiled when they pulled back. “Is Emani in bed already? I don’t even know what time it is,” he added, looking up as if he could tell by the stars or the path of the moon.
Kathryn smiled. “She’s still up. I was just on my way inside to put her to bed when I saw you beam down.”
His expression turned curious. “Yes, what were you doing out here, all by yourself?” He asked as he swept his gaze around. “It’s a little dark and chilly for a stroll, isn’t it?”
The conversation with her mother replayed itself in her mind and Kathryn shook her head, as if to shake it off. “I just needed some air.”
Chakotay watched her with open curiosity now, and maybe a hint of concern. Because he knew her too well.
At his expectant, insistent stare, Kathryn exhaled, giving in. “Really, it’s nothing... You know how it is sometimes with my mother. She has a way of getting under my skin. She was in rare form tonight,” she added with a derisive chuckle.
“I see. Do you want to tell me about it?” He asked, watching her closely.
Kathryn shook her head at the thought of the conversation again. “She just challenged one of the best decisions I’ve ever made,” she replied drily, letting her hand slide from his shoulder to his chest.
He frowned. “Not Emani, I hope.”
“No, not Emani,” she reassured him with a smile at his protectiveness. “You.”
“Oh!” He exclaimed with such relief that Kathryn could only stare at him. How could it be any better? He went on. “Isn’t that to be expected? Anthropological studies have shown that sons-in-law are often met with distrust at first.”
Kathryn’s lips twitched, but she had to admit, his laid back reaction, as if this were nothing to be concerned about, reassured her a little. Maybe she had overreacted. “Is that so?” She teased.
He grinned. “I have no idea. I just made that up, but it seems to make sense.”
Kathryn laughed, shaking her head, patting the spot her palm covered, just above his heart. She looped her arm around his while he grabbed his bags with the other. “Well in any case, you better brace yourself, my friend. This is going to be an... interesting few days,” she said as they started making their way to the door.
His lips twitched playfully. “I would expect nothing less from a sojourn in a Janeway household.”
Kathryn chuckled quietly. “You won’t be disappointed, then. Oh I know a little girl who’s going to be very excited to see you.”
He grinned. “How’s Emani been enjoying the trip?”
Kathryn’s smile softened at the thought of their daughter. “Oh she’s great! She’s having a blast out here. My mother has two dogs and a cat, and Emani just discovered what it’s like to have two cousins and an unlimited access to homemade cookies.”
He chuckled quietly. “What else can a six-year-old ask for?”
“Snow, apparently.”
Chakotay chuckled quietly. “One more chance to see her face light up? I’ll take it.”
After they shared a smile he sobered a little and stopped walking so he could face her. By now they had reached the base of the steps and he glanced up at the house, briefly. “Kathryn. It’ll be fine. Just give your mother some time. After all, we started off as enemies but you warmed up to me eventually, didn’t you?”
Kathryn smirked, a flirtatious reply on the tip of her tongue, but she decided to keep it for another time, when they could actually act on it. She nodded slowly instead. “I did,” she conceded eventually, her lips curled into a soft smile.
At her brief pause he scoffed in amusement. “Dare I ask why you had to think about it?”
Kathryn grinned as she climbed up the steps and he followed. “I assumed it was a rhetorical question, since the answer is rather obvious to me,” she replied, tossing him an impish look over her shoulder, to which he grinned. “I was actually trying to figure out when exactly I decided I liked you.”
“Oh?” They stopped by the door and he leaned in playfully. “And?”
“I’m still thinking.”
He let out a chuckle at that, and Kathryn patted his chest again. How good it was to have him back! It was almost startling how much lighter she felt all of a sudden. The dread and the frustrations were still there, somewhere, but he had somehow relegated them far to the back of her mind. She opened the door for them, and they went in, still smiling.
“Look who I found,” Kathryn announced as Chakotay followed her into the living room, where Gretchen and Phoebe had joined the children.
Emani squealed, jumped to her feet (startling the dogs, who followed her) and ran to Chakotay. He laughed a little and swung her up into his arms, then kissed her cheek. They exchanged a few words, too quietly for the others to hear, but Kathryn saw Emani nod a couple of times, smiling. “Did you bring me something?” She then heard Emani ask in a louder voice and Chakotay laughed. “You bet. Kisses. And tickles.” Emani squealed as he kissed her cheek and ticked her sides. Once she calmed down a little he put her down again and turned to Gretchen and Phoebe, who had risen to their feet to greet him.
“I’m sorry to arrive like this, unannounced,” he said politely. “It’s great to see you both again.”
To Kathryn’s surprise, her mother took Chakotay’s hand warmly and pulled him closer for a welcoming hug. “Chakotay. Welcome. No apology necessary. Katie explained why you were delayed; what matters is that you’re here now, safe and sound. Would you like something to eat? You must be hungry after traveling for who knows how long!” She said, already making her way toward the kitchen.
Chakotay’s eyes slid to Kathryn ever so briefly before he redirected her gaze to Gretchen. Kathryn could only stare at her mother – she had always been known for her hospitality, but after their conversation earlier Kathryn hadn’t really expected this. But then again, Gretchen had promised her to give him a chance. Maybe this was the first step.
“No, thank you,” Chakotay replied to Gretchen, stopping her. “We had replicators onboard so I-”
“Replicators!” Gretchen repeated disdainfully, shaking her head. “Oh please. You need some real food. I’ll reheat you some dinner.”
“I’m really not hungry, but I would love a cup of tea or coffee, if you have it?”
That seemed to pacify Gretchen’s hospitable instincts and she nodded, smiling, then patted his arm. “Yes, of course.”
Kathryn jumped in. “I’ll take care of it,” she offered, meeting Gretchen’s eyes and letting her hand rest on her mother’s arm. Gretchen glanced at her in surprise, then caught her hand and squeezed, briefly. It was a silent exchange, a peace offering that the two of them tentatively accepted.
As she passed by Chakotay on her way to the kitchen, Kathryn met his eyes and leaned into him to whisper, her words for him only. “Did you bring me something?”
“Kisses,” he replied in the same tone as he had for Emani, though in a much lower voice. But then the corner of his lips curled and his eyes seemed to twinkle. “For later.”
Kathryn laughed, squeezing his arm, and resumed walking, the sound of Emani excitedly introducing her cousins to Chakotay drifting to her ears.
oooOooo