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“Hyung! Over here!”
Taemin grinned when he caught sight of the other boy’s taller frame, waving cheerfully before making his way towards their usual spot near the bridge with a slight run. It was unusually chilly that morning, certainly too ‘wintry’ for autumn, and Taemin winced as the bitter wind pricked unforgivably at his face and neck. He regretted not bringing his scarf with him; the beige one with frayed detailing at the ends, but the smile that Minho gave him was warm enough to melt the icy cold air around him.
“Taemin,” sighed Minho, shaking his head at the younger’s choice of clothes, “Do I have to scold you for not dressing appropriately for the weather?”
“Good morning to you too. And don’t say that, you sound like my mother.” Taemin groaned as they started to tread along the part of the road that led to Taemin’s school.
Minho just snickered at the answer. “Is that a good thing?”
“Yes and … no. Depends, I think.”
After that, both boys quietly continued on their way. The temperature seemed to drop even further as they walked, and Taemin jammed his fists deep into his pockets, desperate for some warmth. He felt like an idiot for not wearing his uniform blazer over his long sleeved shirt and knit sweater at least, especially when some of the other students in his school had already started sporting their customary padded jackets for the season. Just what was he thinking?
“You’re shivering pretty badly and I’m getting worried,” Minho said once again. He stopped walking and frowned at Taemin, whose ears had started to redden. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
“I’m—” Taemin’s sentence was caught in a loud sneeze, and it echoed throughout the space around them. All he could do was give Minho a sheepish little smile as a response, one that managed to inform Minho that the answer to his question was going to be a no.
With another sigh Minho immediately pulled off his own scarf and wasted no time wrapping it around Taemin’s neck, tying it in a tight knot right under his chin. Taemin saw that Minho wore an additional neck warmer underneath the scarf and his usual embroidered school jacket; it seemed like his hyung didn’t like the cold weather that much. Regardless, the action resulted in Taemin flushing a deep, embarrassing shade of crimson, and he muttered the softest ‘thank you’. Minho merely nodded, his face hardened with concentration as he focused on warming Taemin up with his large hands, although there was an exuberant twitch playing around his lips when his gaze met Taemin’s.
“You’re an interesting kid, Lee Taemin.”
“I could say the same for you, Choi Minho.”
Taemin didn’t feel so cold anymore.
-
On an evening after the sun had begun to set, Taemin and Minho were sitting on a small park bench beneath a large foliage of crystallized tree leaves. Since it was nearing the weekend, Taemin opted to skip after-school lessons at the academy to spend some time with Minho - the older boy had told him he had no plans for the remainder of the day. So they sat there together, chatting languidly about their lives and other things that could possibly be of importance to two boys in high school.
“You know, you remind me of Kkoongie,” Taemin said. He fished out his cell phone and showed Minho his lockscreen enthusiastically, which displayed a picture of a little grey and white cat. “Kkoongie’s my kitten, see? Isn’t she pretty? I just got her last week!”
Minho peered at the screen and nodded in agreement. “Mhm, She is. But … I look like your pet?”
“No! Well, yes. Um, I meant your eyes, they’re really big and sparkle just like hers do,” Taemin frantically tried to explain when he saw the bewildered expression cloud over Minho’s face, “And they’re pr—” he paused, contemplating whether to say what was really on his mind. He eventually decided against it in the end, finishing with an abrupt ‘yeah’ to fill the void.
(‘Your eyes are pretty. They’re really pretty.’ is what Taemin wanted to say. He just didn't have the guts to do it.)
It was Minho’s turn to blush. He didn’t have to say anything back; the faint tint on his cheeks was more than enough as an answer. Silence washed over them, but both boys were smiling.
Taemin spoke up again. “You should come over to my place and meet her sometime. She’s still getting used to strangers, though I think she’ll like you.”
“I’m actually allergic to cat fur,” Minho said and Taemin’s face fell immediately, dejected at the words, “But since you asked, I can make an exception just for you.”
That caused Taemin to whip his head at Minho, gaping up at him in surprise. Minho just grinned back, and in that moment Taemin could’ve sworn the sunlight flowing in from behind them came together and formed a makeshift halo around the perimeter of Minho’s head. He glowed, right in front of his eyes, and Taemin was starstruck.
It took a while for Taemin to find his voice. “O-oh, okay. That sounds good.”
“Okay.”
Taemin rummaged through his backpack, suddenly remembering that he had some leftover chocolate in there. He broke the bar into two and offered one half to Minho, "Here, do you want some? A girl in my class gave it to me today," he frowned as he nibbled on his piece, "Though I'm not sure why she did it, since Valentine's Day is not until next month ..."
Minho nudged him teasingly. "Oh~ Maybe she likes you."
"Really? Maybe, but I don't think so." Taemin looked a bit worried, and Minho laughed at that.
“Why? You don’t like her?”
Taemin thought about it. There was no doubting that he was still a bit awkward when it came to topics of love, it was too difficult and tough to maneuver for someone as young and inexperienced as him. However Taemin was sure he liked Minho - he liked his presence, his company, the way his eyes shined bright like stars whenever he occasionally rambled on and on about soccer matches between teams that Taemin didn’t have any idea about. But Minho was with him, they were happy, and Taemin couldn’t possibly ask for anything more.
“No, I don’t like her. I think I like someone else.” Taemin replied softly after a while, suddenly timid. He fiddled with his scarf, the one that Minho had ultimately let him keep, and swung his legs back and forth giddily on the bench as he thought back on what had just left his mouth.
“Ah, I see.” Minho simply said with that signature polite smile of his and left it at that. Taemin sort of wished the older boy had prodded further, but he didn’t let himself feel disappointed. The atmosphere was so perfect with the two of them together like this; the setting sun had casted a pleasant orangey-pink hue over the horizon, and it painted an exuberant picture for the both of them to admire.
‘I don’t know much about love,’ Taemin had thought then, ‘But I have Minho.’
And if Taemin wasn’t so caught up in his own head, he would’ve noticed the subtle glances Minho snuck at him when he thought Taemin wasn’t looking. They seemed innocent enough, but something else - something more intense burned deep down in their depths.
-
Many things bloomed during the springtime, like canary yellow flowers that swayed with the wind and the gravitational pull between Taemin and Minho.
Minho was growing to be a necessary presence in Taemin’s life. He wanted to spend all day with Minho, and became extremely talkative only when Minho was around. It probably got annoying at times, but Minho always listened attentively and never complained. It wasn’t a big deal for Taemin, but still, he initially thought that he was a bit more … reserved as a person. He usually didn’t open up to other people this easily.
But when it came to Minho, it was different. So different.
Taemin didn’t call it confliction. He wasn’t confused. He knew Minho was his closest friend, and he liked being with him. Loved it, even.
The thought swirled about in Taemin’s head for days and weeks on end, and then his eyes went wide when the realization dawned on him. It was unmistakable.
He liked Minho. Or rather, he was in love with Minho.
Almost immediately, stray pieces started to fall into place. It had to be the reason Taemin’s heart would hammer wildly in his chest whenever they made prolonged eye-contact at times, and it would explain why he found himself thinking about the other boy way too often. So often that it became borderline suspicious.
Taemin was suddenly frustrated with himself. Did this mean he liked boys? There were many girls in his class, but he’d never spared a second glance at any of them. He just wasn't interested, so he never paid attention. He didn’t think it was a big deal until now.
It felt like a new door to his life, one that he didn't know of before, had finally opened up before him. Taemin thought about all the possibilities, why this was happening and why his infatuation ran so deep. First off, Minho’s personality was a charm on its own, plus he was tall and handsome to boot. Taemin liked the contrast between his long legs and small head, the fact that Minho’s voice was lower for his age group yet accompanied by an endearing lisp. Whenever Minho talked, Taemin found himself smiling.
Then, there were his lips. Now that was something Taemin paid special attention to. They were small, dark pink in colour, and looked extremely inviting. Taemin really wanted to know how they felt like against his own.
“Taeminnie?”
Taemin jumped at Minho’s voice. The other boy was standing across from him, staring at him with wide eyes. “Taemin-ah, you’ve been spacing out a lot on me today. Are you okay?”
Not really. But Taemin didn’t dare say that, instead he put on the fakest smile and said, “It’s fine,” he felt the sides of his mouth twitching as he talked, a clear indicator of his lie, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”
The look on Minho’s face was painful. He clearly knew something was going on, yet he didn’t say anything else - and that drove Taemin crazy. Was he wasting his time? Did Minho just not care about the source of his distress? Taemin didn’t want to believe it. He gritted his teeth until they hurt and clenched his fingers tightly, trying hard to stop himself from blurting everything out.
“You can tell me anything, you know. I’m here for you.”
“I know.”
-
“I love you. I think.”
Taemin didn’t mean to deadpan the words on Minho. Minutes before it happened, he was pouting over Minho insisting that they should always hold hands when they crossed the street, for safety reasons.
“Seriously, you don’t always have to hold my hand at crosswalks,” Taemin had complained out of embarrassment, “I’m not a little kid anymore.”
“Really? So what are you?” It wasn’t funny, but Minho still erupted in laughter.
“A responsible teenager,” Taemin sulked and puffed out his chest, “I’m fifteen now! Which means I can walk the crosswalk by myself. No extra help needed.”
Futile. Minho had smiled, bumping his shoulder against Taemin’s in a playful manner while they walked through the park. It was raining a lot lately, so the grass felt wet and squishy beneath their feet. “I’m sorry,” Minho said, “But you’re the cutest person I know, Taeminnie. It makes me want to take care of you.”
Taemin wished he never said that.
A switch went off inside him and he froze, instantly stopping in his tracks. That sickly, abysmal feeling rose up his chest again but this time, Taemin couldn’t bear to repress it anymore. He stared straight at Minho, who looked quite surprised at his sudden abruptness, for a very long minute until he finally spoke up,
“I love you. I think.”
As soon as the phrase left his mouth, Taemin immediately regretted it. He held his breath and casted his gaze downwards at his black sneakers. For his sake, he didn’t want to see Minho’s reaction to his outburst of a confession.
A heavy breeze whistled through the trees and it was louder than it’d ever been. Sparse leaves fluttered from the trees to the ground. The silence that fell between Taemin and Minho lasted for longer than Taemin had hoped.
From what Taemin could see, Minho’s feet wandered closer to where Taemin was then came to a stop right in front of him. “Taemin-ah,” Minho said in a tone that Taemin had never heard before, “Taemin, look at me.”
“No.” Taemin replied, shutting his eyes tightly to prove his point.
Minho furrowed his brows and sighed. “Fine,” There was a lilt to the way he said it, like he knew something that Taemin didn’t, “But, just so you know—”
Taemin didn’t get to hear the rest of Minho’s sentence, because Minho had already closed the gap in front of them and pressed his lips firmly against Taemin’s forehead. The movement was quick and very brief, lasting for just a second; although it all seemed to happen in slow motion for Taemin. His eyes flew wide open and his jaw fell slack in a state of shock as he remained rooted in his spot. He wanted to speak, but his tongue felt too heavy and dry to form words.
Minho levelled his gaze and stepped away, bearing the audacity to smile coyly at a dumbstruck Taemin. “—It’s you, Taemin,” he said, albeit bashfully. His ears and the top of his neck were burning a bright red, “Always has been, always will be.”
At that point in time, Taemin was still having trouble processing the entire situation - his own impromptu confession and Minho reciprocating his feelings with a kiss. Wait, Minho had just kissed him.
He had to be sure.
“Was that a kiss?” Taemin choked out. He was still in disbelief, it was all too much for him.
“Yes,” Minho’s face swiftly turned serious, “You didn’t like it?”
All this while Taemin had desperately tried to keep everything bottled up inside him, but now, his patience was wearing thin with every passing minute. What he wanted the most was just at arm’s reach, almost presenting itself to him. Taemin physically felt the desire overtake him like a flame - he was itching to grab at it with both of his hands, to hold it tightly and never let go.
“No no, that isn’t it …” As Taemin scoffed to himself and shook his head, Minho visibly grew more and more confused.
He wasn’t going to let go.
“Kiss me properly, hyung, like you mean it.” Taemin took it upon himself to take charge and leaned closer to Minho, standing on his tippy-toes so he could be in Minho’s line of vision. He looked Minho square in the eyes, more or less challenging him as he whispered a breathless, “On the lips.”
And Taemin thanked his lucky stars, because he knew Minho could never let up a good challenge.
fin.
~
The skies are perfectly clear today.
Taemin strolls along the sidewalk beside the bridge, watching the waves below him crash gently against each other.
“It’s really nice out, hyung. Your favourite kind of weather.” Taemin doesn’t know who he’s talking to, but he’s sure someone is listening to him. In fact, he can practically sense a familiar warmth radiating from the space beside him as he walks, keeping him safe. Sane.
Over the years, Taemin has encountered a number of firsts; good ones and bad ones. Some that he’d rather forget, and others that he'd always remember forever and ever.
He owed a great deal of his firsts to one person. He still wasn’t aware of everything there was to know about love, but Choi Minho ended up becoming his first love.
And his last.