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How the fuck did it get this bad? is all Sapnap can think as he listens to the fight raging around him. It felt like a tropical storm had blown in from offshore, whipping wind around the house and rattling tree branches against the windows. Except it was worse, because the nice, expensive, two story house that Dream had purchased wasn’t keeping the worst of it out, and instead the rumbling storm was spiraling through their living room.
“What the actual fuck, George?” Dream’s voice didn’t hold any of the usual teasing or excitement that the youngest had come to expect from the tall blond. Instead he sounded furious at the eldest, who, Sapnap could guess from the indignant scoff, did not believe the fight was his fault.
Sapnap didn’t even know what it was about. He really didn’t. The two had spiraled down the stairs when he was already on the couch with an anime on the tv, yelling and raging at each other, and leaving the youngest no time to escape to his room and out of the line of fire.
It wasn’t that he didn’t expect it, if he was being honest with himself. A fight, a real fight, had been rumbling under the surface of the two for a while now… something about someone not appreciating a dinner enough, and then an off handed remark on a stream that would’ve been nothing if it hadn’t been said in front of hundreds of thousands of people, and then… this. Sapnap tuned into the angry words long enough to hear George spit a venomous “of course you didn’t think it was your day to do dishes! I’ll start paying fucking rent if you stop treating me like a maid!” Ah, so today it was the dishwasher. Hell, Sapnap would scrub every grime of food off of the plates from last night if it would get them to stop fighting.
“That’s not what I’m saying an you know it, George!” the tallest of them raged back, slamming his hand down on the back of the couch, very nearly making Sapnap, already at his wits end, jump to his feet.
Instead, he buried his face in his hands, digging his thumbs into his eye sockets and trying not to listen to the words spitting through red lips behind him. Even before George had made the trip across the ocean, the two had been passionate. Hell, they all were, and Dream and he had had their fair share of disagreements in the months since he had driven across from Texas. But Dream and George were… different. Their relationship had always had more fire behind it, a different type of passion from the anger and excitement that imbued his own relationship with the other two. Sapnap had always fought with them like friends, and George and Dream? Well, they fought like lovers.
Fights between the two of them had previously ended with long silences on discord calls, Sapnap forced to jump between two different vcs whenever he wanted to talk to both friends about a video idea or needed help with editing something. But now, with their rooms directly next to each other and the shared space of the kitchen required to be entered for food, they couldn’t avoid each other enough for the anger to simmer into apologies.
Sapnap almost wished things would go back to the way they were before, and then immediately felt guilty. Because he didn’t want George back across the ocean, hours of distance between them. He didn’t want the house to go back to feeling slightly too big, the way it had when he first moved in. It had been purchased with three people in mind, after all. And he didn’t even want to go back to Texas, back to spending time with his family who didn’t quite understand what he was doing with his life, but were trying their best to be supportive.
The youngest sighed, the fight continuing to rage behind him, just feet behind the couch, close enough he could reach out and grab both of them and shout “You love each other! Just stop!” Instead, he moved as little as possible while reaching for his phone on the coffee table in front of him, trying not to draw attention to himself. He pulled up his messages, clicking quickly to the string of messages under Karl’s name. Almost as if the North Carolinian knew, an unread message from 11 minutes ago stared up at him.
Karl: How’s today? Any better?
Sapnap quickly typed out a message, sighing again as he sent it off.
Sapnap: Worse, probably.
Karl had been a blessing through the last few weeks, listening without judgement when Sapnap finally broke and vented about all the fighting over a discord call. He responded almost immediately, the phone vibrating in his hand before he could even consider putting it down, or faking a call, or anything else.
Karl: I’m sorry Sap. That’s really shitty
Yeah, Sapnap thinks, yeah it is.
When the fighting had first gotten bad, Sapnap had even considered booking a one way ticket to North Carolina, but he had quickly brushed the thought to the side.
Because, on top of all the fighting, Sapnap was dealing with something else: he loved them. Like the type of love that makes you stick around so long past when you should leave. The type of love that went beyond the “ride or die” friendship they’d all had for years, and instead made his wonder how the other two looked when they woke up, calm and quiet and not fighting.
When Sapnap had first moved in, he’d acknowledged that Dream was an incredibly attractive man, but figured that was all it was. They were friends of course, but they lived like roommates, with long stretches of time where he wouldn’t pass Dream in the hallways or eat dinner in the same room. It didn’t feel too different from when they were living in different states, and it was easy for Sapnap to push all thoughts of “more” away.
But then George had moved in, and suddenly they were a family. They had scheduled movie nights, ate dinner and even breakfast together, when a stream didn’t impact sleep schedules too bad. And Dream was right, George did have pretty privilege, even more so in person than through his decidedly good camera. Suddenly, Sapnap was questioning not only whether he could keep his thoughts buried, but also why he felt he had to.
Karl knew, he had been the first person Sapnap had thought to turn to when the thoughts of what’s wrong with me? reared their ugly heads. At the time, Sapnap couldn’t comprehend the emotions swirling in his gut, the questions of not only I like men? but also how can I like two people at the same time? overwhelming him.
Karl had listened as he finally broke down, and explained that look, Sapnap should know all about this, he had two fiancé’s already anyways. I was a joke, but it had been enough to shake Sapnap from his spiral, to make him laugh, and as stupid as it was, to make him understand that wow, there wasn’t anything wrong with him. He just had that much love to give.
Sometimes Sapnap wished he was in love with Karl instead, even though the other man was decidedly, actually straight. It would still hurt less to be in love with a straight man than it was to be in love with two people who clearly loved each other and not him but also wouldn’t put aside their stubbornness and apologize.
At least the fighting was coming to a close for the night, Sapnap realized as he was finally pulled from his thoughts by a door slamming on the second floor. He didn’t know who had finally stormed off, but he’d guess Dream. The door slam just sounded more like him. Turning slowly in his seat to see who was left behind, his hazel, tired eyes met shocked brown, as George seemed to realize that he and Dream had had an audience the entire time.
“Sap,” George said after a moment of staring at each other, “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
The words seemed to cause the eldest pain, clearly not quite capable of comfort when he was so in need of it himself. Sapnap shrugged, almost as if to say I’m used to it, and reached out a hand to George from across the back of the couch. He didn’t even know what he was reaching for, didn’t know what it would do, how he could help, but it was enough for George apparently. The British man almost threw himself over the back of the couch, landing borderline painfully on Sapnap’s shoulder, and cried.
Sapnap rubbed his back and sighed into his hair.
***
The next fight ended with George storming off, closing his door almost silently, which almost felt worse than a slam. It felt more final. And Dream, panting in the kitchen where the worst of the carnage had occurred, wasted no time in pushing a chair in far too roughly and moving to the couch. Like a few days prior when George and Sapnap had been left in the aftermath, Dream looked shocked that Sapnap had witnessed the event. If Sapnap didn’t love the taller so much, if his heart didn’t crack at the hurt look in emerald eyes, he would almost be mad that he was so frequently forgotten in a house he had existed in for almost a year now.
Dream got over his shock quickly, throwing himself at the smaller man and sobbing into his shirt. Sapnap was more used to Dream’s outbursts, his touchiness, his loudness, and running a hand down the back of the crying man felt slightly more natural than it had with George days previous.
“Dream?” he tried to speak, but his voice cracked and he had to clear his throat. “Dream,” he tried again, keeping his voice low so as to not carry up the stairs to George’s room. “What’s going on with you two?”
He felt stupid as soon as he asked. They were fighting, that much was obvious. But Dream just sighed, answering after a long minute, his voice muffled in the youngest’s shoulder.
“I don’t know, Sap, I don’t know. Nothing is easy with him and…” another sigh escaped and Sapnap hated himself for shivering at the rush of breath across his shoulder, “I think I love him.”
Sapnap just hummed lowly, already having known this information, it was so clear in their every interaction, both good and bad, and continued to run his hand down Dream’s back.
He pushed down the pain the simmered in his own gut.
***
After Dream’s admission, the fighting settled. The two still clashed occasionally, but it happened in the common spaces less, and it seemed to be resolved by the time Sapnap would stumble into the kitchen in the morning, the other two already settled with bowls of cereal in front of them.
Sapnap almost wished the fighting would come back, because he knew why it had stopped. He knew that it had been resolved because the other two had talked it out, let the tension resolve between their bodies instead of exploding in their words. It was better in some ways, sure. He no longer felt like he was being ripped in half as he listened to venom spray across their living room.
But it also meant that Sapnap was well and truly an outsider. He’d never tried to insert himself into their relationship, never expressed the feelings that simmered so close to his skin. But he had known what it meant to be in love with both of them. Sure, there were times, when he was comforting one or the other, that they would look up at him with tear streaked eyes and he could almost see the love he knew he couldn’t hide in his reflected in the other’s. But he had never pushed it. He knew they were built for each other, he’d known since before they’d ever met up, and even since, seeing the fire they held for the other, even when fighting, had solidified it.
George and Dream loved him, but not the way they love each other, and not the way he loved them.
So he settled himself into a deep pit of never-to-be-resolved pining, and called Karl whenever it got to be too much. Karl, for his part, continued to listen with open ears and a judgement free heart. He listened to the younger complain endlessly, every time the other two thought they were being subtle about holding hands under the dinner table, or walked out of the same room early in the morning.
Sapnap thanked his lucky stars that his room was on the other side of the house, so he never had to listen to them through the slightly too thin walls.
“Sap,” Karl said late one night after a stream, when he had stayed on call well past he should’ve gone to bed. As soon as the stream had ended, Sapnap knew he had heard the change in his tone and he knew the older was staying up for his sake. He had tried to send him to bed, promising that he was fine and that filming with the Beast Crew tomorrow took precedent, but Karl had waved him off and cracked another Monster, effectively silencing all arguments. “Have you tried talking to them about it? I know its uncommon, but the three of you have been so close for years. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to think that they might feel the same.”
No, thought Sapnap, before reiterating it out loud. “No Karl, there’s definitely a difference between the way they are with each other, and the way they are with me. It’s okay. I’m happy for them.” And he was, even though as he smiled, he could feel the cracks in his heart, and heard them reflected in his voice.
Karl sighed through the computer, his eyes locked on Sapnap’s through the monitor. “Okay Sap, I believe you. I just hate to see you like this. You’re one of my best friends.”
Sapnap ran a hand over his face, pulling at tired eyes. “Y’know Karl,” he said, tiredness and the comfort of his friend lowering the walls he had word so hard to build since his feelings had come to light, “sometimes I really wish I was just in love with you.”
Karl laughed lightly. “Dude if I was gay, it would be you and me all the way.”
Sapnap smiled, comforted by the easy way Karl had accepted his words. “I know man, its a damn shame you’re not.” And then the conversation moved onto lighter topics, the video that would be filmed tomorrow, and upcoming stream plans.
“Y’know,” Karl said, right before Sapnap was going to end the call, the desire to sleep dragging down both of their eyelids, “you’re always welcome to come visit. If you ever need to just… get away from them.”
Sapnap hummed in acknowledgment, knowing the offer was real. “I’ll think about it, honest Karl,” he said after a minute. Maybe some time away was a good idea.
***
He only lasted three days before he broke. He’d just finished an overnight Valorant grind with Punz, and stumbled into the kitchen for a snack before sleeping the day away. George and Dream evidently didn’t think he’d be around, probably expecting him to still be playing or to fall into his bed immediately after, falling into the comfort of each other much more easily than when they thought they might have an audience.
George was sat on the counter of the island, Dream slotted between his thighs, and they were too wrapped up to even notice him enter the room.
Sapnap’s heart shattered at the same time as an ugly, bubbly lust built inside his gut.
He knew, he knew what they had been getting up to behind closed doors. But for some reason, seeing it play out in front of him was worse. Maybe it was the exhaustion weighing on his bones, or the still recent conversation with Karl in his mind, but when he stumbled backward in an attempt to leave without interrupting, knocking into the trash can instead and causing Dream to look up over George’s shoulder, he couldn’t hide the hurt in his eyes quick enough.
Dream’s eyes locked with his, and even though George turned to look at him too and said something that was lost in the rush of blood in his ears, he couldn’t look away. He watched the moment that the initial panic at being found out twisted into confusion, trying to determine why Sapnap didn’t look either surprised or disgusted, but instead looked like his heart had been dropped on the tile floor beneath their feet.
“Sap,” he started, “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner…”
That was good, Sapnap managed to think, still pressed against the doorway, ready to make a run for it as soon as emerald eyes released him. He could work with Dream thinking he was just hurt that they hadn’t told him. It was logical. They’d always talked to each other, all three of them, so being left out of the knowledge that something had changed would hurt.
He tore his eyes from the blonde, making the mistake of moving them in George’s direction as he tried to turn. The deep chocolate eyes of the Brit stabbed straight into him next, and the words that George had been repeating since he acknowledged his presence finally rooted in his mind. “Sap, please don’t be weirded out.” He’d clearly interpreted the look on the other’s face incorrectly, but Sapnap wasn’t sure that he didn’t look disgusted at his own response, so maybe it was fair.
Sapnap felt crazy as he laughed at George’s words, and from the look on the other two’s faces, he seemed crazy too. But they’d known him for years and yeah, he was from Texas, and sure, he knew that he was a bit of jock on stream, but still, the words cut him in a way that he didn’t know they could. Him, weirded out? Did they really think so little of him that he would have a problem with them being together? Is that why they hadn’t told them?
“Guys,” he said, a bit more spite in his voice than needed, but damnit he was tired and he just wanted some damn crackers before bed and he didn’t have the energy to be heartbroken and hide it right now, “I’m pretty sure I’m gay. I don’t care. And I’ve known, you’re not great at hiding it.”
And with the last bit of energy he had in his body, he pulled his aching heart from the ground and turned and walked back to his room.
***
Dream woke him up about eight hours later with a gentle knock at his door. Sapnap mumbled a “come in” before the events from the morning could catch up to him, and immediately regretted it. Because no, eight hours of sleep was not enough to process his feelings, to get himself under control, to hide behind his walls.
But Dream walked in, bringing a bowl of cereal and a glass of water with him, setting them gently on the side table before slumping into the chair set in front of his computer.
“Sap,” he started, and damn if Sapnap didn’t want him to stop saying his nickname so gently, it hurt too much still, “are you okay?”
He’d always been too damn perceptive.
“Yeah,” the younger mumbled out, ignoring the food and water peace offering and turning onto his back to stare at the ceiling, “yeah I’m good. Sorry for being weird earlier.”
Dream sighed. “No, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. I’m sorry you walked in on us like that… I’m sorry you thought we didn’t trust you.”
So he’d picked up on that, huh? There’s that damn perceptiveness again. Sapnap didn’t respond, couldn’t respond, so he just kept staring at the ceiling and trying to piece his walls back together quick enough to keep emerald eyes from looking through the cracks.
Dream kept talking when it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything. “And I’m sorry you didn’t think you could come out to me. We thought you were straight.”
That got a response out of Sapnap. As hurt as he was, the tone of Dream’s voice made it clear that he thought he had been a bad friend, and Sapnap had to let him know he was wrong.
“No don’t worry about that, I just figured it out myself.” He made the mistake of rolling onto his side as he spoke, immediately finding those green eyes digging into his soul. Dream hummed, and Sapnap felt like he was at a disadvantage, having just woken up while the other was wide awake, brain processing at full power.
He could see the thoughts running through the other’s mind. “How recently did you know?” His tone was still kind, but Sapnap knew what he was thinking. It was impossible not to put two and two together, especially for someone as tuned in as Dream.
Sapnap thought about lying, but his walls were still in rubble and he couldn’t find the energy, not this soon after waking up. He met Dream’s eyes as he said the words that would seal his fate, he was sure. “Two months ago.”
Dream, as expected, had already figured it out. Or at least half of it. “George.” It was said quietly into the still room. Not a question. Two month ago, George moved in. Two months ago, Sapnap knew he was attracted to men. There was no malice, no anger though. A simple statement of fact.
Sapnap nodded. George moving in had been the inspiring incident. “I’m so sorry,” he said quietly, keeping the room still as he kept his eyes locked with the blond’s. “I promise I won’t try anything, I know he’s with you and I’m happy for you both. And hell, its not just him either, I just figured it out and now I don’t know what to do.”
Dream’s head cocked to the side. He still didn’t seem mad, possessive. “Not just him?” he asked, as always picking up on the one thing Sapnap wished he would skate over.
But in for a penny, in for a pound, as his mother had always said. And he figured he’d already ruined everything good here anyways. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes briefly, before meeting the piercing emerald gaze again.
“You, Dream. Both of you.”
Dream stood and left the room without another word.
***
Sapnap bought an extremely expensive red eye flight to North Carolina within the hour. He hadn’t even texted Karl before the ticket was already purchased, but fortunately the tall brunette had meant it when he said he was always welcome.
He packed his bag silently, throwing clothes from high school into the suitcase, unwilling or unable to bring anything that Dream had purchased for him since. He remembered joking about how Dream was his sugar daddy, and he’d never thought it was a bad thing quite like he did now, standing in his closet, with everything reminding him of the other man.
He coiled his phone charger last, making sure the battery was full for the flight, and slipped out of his room as silently as possible. Patches rubbed at his ankles and damn, I have not been giving you enough attention he thought as he bent to scratch behind her ears, listening for any movement in the house. It was silent, Dream and George apparently tucked away behind one of their doors, probably laughing at him for managing to fall for both of them.
No, that was unfair. He knew they weren’t cruel like that. They were probably just thinking of ways to tell him that no, they were together, and there was no place for him in their relationship, maybe even their house.
His phone dinged, a notification that his Uber was pulling up shortly forcing him to stand and grab the small suitcase next to him, picking it up so there was no noise as the wheels rolled across the hardwood floor.
He moved into the garage to grab his skateboard, the one Karl had picked out for him, as his carry on, and the urge to be silent was ripped away from him with a choked sob as he noticed Dream’s car wasn’t in the garage at all. So that’s why the house was so quiet, they couldn’t even stand to be near him and had left.
When Sapnap threw his suitcase into the trunk of “Linda, gray Camry”’s car and slid into the backseat, the mask he had pulled over the lower half of his face was wet with tears.
***
Karl wasn’t home when he pulled up in his second Uber of the trip, but he had told him earlier he wouldn’t be, and had instead left a key hidden by the back door. Sapnap finally looked at his phone when he had locked the door behind him, taking it off of do not disturb for the first time since he sat in the airport six hours ago. Twitter notifications were quickly swiped away, as were the discord messages about different streams he was supposed to take part in. His eyes quickly landed on a message from Dream, but he swiped that away too, not even reading it before he sent it off to not be thought about for as long as he could possibly hold out. He swiped into a message chain with Karl, letting him know he had made it safely and would be in the guest room whenever he got home, and then promptly passed out on top of the covers.
He woke up to a buzzing next to his head, his phone ringing consistently with what he assumed was a call. Flipping it quickly, he silenced it as George’s name and photo ran across his screen. When the call finally got sent to voicemail, he was assaulted with even more missed calls and texts from the two in Florida. He swiped them away without looking.
The time on his phone said that it was night time now, and he had slept the day away after arriving at 8 in the morning. Damn he managed to think through blurred thoughts, my sleep schedule was going to be absolutely fucked. He was under the covers, and his phone was plugged in, which meant Karl had come home and checked in on him, doing his nightly ritual of making sure Sapnap was sorted for bed, even with the younger being already asleep.
As he tumbled out of bed and into the hall, he could hear Karls quiet voice from the living room, obviously talking on the phone to someone. The hallway was lit up sporadically with bright colors, probably from a muted cartoon playing on the giant tv he loved to curl up in front of.
“I know, Jimmy,” Karl said, his voice becoming actual words as Sapnap made his way closer. “Yeah, I’ll let you know when we’re good.”
Sapnap had a feeling he knew what the conversation was, that Karl was telling his boss that he wouldn’t be in to wrap up filming tomorrow, or even the next week. He couldn’t bring himself to care though, walking in front of the tv - Adventure Time, playing with the Mute logo in the corner, he’d guessed correctly - and curling up against Karl’s side as he held out an arm as an invitation.
“Yeah, he’s here right now, just woke up,” Karl said quietly, looking over at the man next to him. “I’ll tell him.” And then the call was over, and Karl pulled Sapnap into him more, and Sapnap went back to sleep.
***
“Karl, I’m so sorry,” was the first thing out of Sapnap’s mouth as soon as they were both awake the next day. “You should one hundred percent be out filming right now. I’m good, you can go.”
Karl, for his part, leveled an unreadable look at the younger, simply shaking his head. “It’s fine, Sap. Jimmy told me to take some time, and also to say hi to you.” He took in Sapnap’s worried expression for a second before continuing. “He has no clue what’s going on. None of them do. I just said you were here and I wanted to be with you.” Sapnap nodded into his eggs, still not feeling great about the way he had pulled Karl away from his job.
It was silent as they ate. Sapnap had retrieved his phone from his bedroom, but changed the notification setting so only Karl and his mom’s calls came through. He didn’t even want to look at the small rectangle, not knowing if it would hurt more if Dream and George were still calling constantly, or if they weren’t anymore.
Karl’s phone dinged from across the island where they were eating instead. “Sap,” he asked quietly, after glancing at the device, “Did you tell them where you were going.”
“I didn’t even tell them I was leaving,” the younger said after a minute, hanging his head lower over his breakfast. The eggs were good, Karl had made them, but he couldn’t do more than push them around his plate.
Karl hummed in response, picking up his phone. “Do you mind if I tell them you’re okay? Dream said he’s going to call your mom soon if he doesn’t hear from you… he’s worried. Apparently he’s already tried Punz and everyone else he can think of.”
Sapnap froze, not particularly wanting to have any interaction with the two he’d left behind while it was still so recent, but really not looking forward to the worried call he was sure to get from his mom if Dream called her. He nodded slowly, and Karl started typing with one hand.
“I’m just going to say ‘I’ve got him, don’t worry.’ Is that okay?” Karl asked, reading off his message, thumb hovering above the send button. Another nod, and the phone made a swooshing noise as the message was sent into the void of the internet.
A second later his phone lit up where it was laid on his lap, not making any sound as the text from one of his silenced contacts was delivered. His eyes scanned the new message before he could help himself.
Dream: I’m glad you’re okay. I’m sorry.
Sapnap turned off his phone completely.
***
The next week passed in a haze. Karl went back to filming after a few days spent cuddled on the couch. They even streamed together once Sapnap had his walls back under control and could handle it. It was a little rough, seeing all the Karlnap messages fly through chat at the unannounced meetup, but he handled it as he always had, quietly. It was rougher to see an alt account that they all used for testing stream things in the watching list, but Karl tabbed out of that as soon as he noticed.
The two skated together, and Sapnap again found himself wondering why he couldn’t just be normal and love one person, Karl in particular. The guy was a bundle of sunlight, radiating happiness and love, and one day he’d make someone so happy, he was sure.
When he told Karl this, curled up on the couch and rewatching HunterXHunter, the older had just ran his hand through his hair and told him that he was glad he didn’t love him that way, because it meant they got to be together this way instead.
Sapnap felt a little better after that. This was pretty good, he had to admit.
“Karl,” he began over dinner at the end of the week, “can you do me a favor? I mean you’ve already done so much and it might be weird but I need help and I figured I’d at least… ask.” He trailed off uncertainly, already almost regretting the question.
“Of course, Sap, what’s up?” the older was quick to respond, looking up from his pasta.
Sapnap took a deep breath and pulled his phone from his hoodie pocket, where it had remained off for the entire day. He’d taken to turning it on once in the morning, checking for anything from his parents, and then immediately turning it back off again. “Can you read what Dream and George have sent me? I don’t think I can handle it, but I need to know.”
Karl nodded immediately, turning on the phone and clicking quickly through the Lock Screen. “Want me to start at the beginning?” Karl asked, clicking away as Sapnap felt like all the air in the room had been removed. He was sure he looked like he was about to panic, as Karl looked up at him, waiting for a response. Not getting one, the older re-locked the phone, put it in his own pocket along side his own, and moved to pick up their bowls and take them to the sink.
“Sap,” said Karl gently, pulling him from the kitchen and into the living room, setting him gently on the couch and pulling him into his side. “I don’t have to, we can do this tomorrow. Or I can just read them and let you know generally what they said.”
Sapnap shook himself, fingers clutching at Karl’s side. “No, I need to know, and it will be easier coming from you.” He said eventually, curling his face away so he didn’t have a chance of accidentally reading the screen.
Karl pulled the phone back out, clicked through, an scrolled.
“I’m going to start with Dream, and I’m going to start with texts only. Looks like there are a few on discord also.” Sapnap nodded his approval. And Karl began to read.
6:30 pm - that was a lot, sap.
6:31 pm - i’m sorry but i need some time
Those were from the night he told him. Sent almost as soon as he’d gotten through the door of his room, he was sure.
“There’s a break were he doesn’t text you, looks like the next ones are after he realized you weren’t home.” Sapnap nodded again for him to continue.
11:23 am - hey, where are you
12:24 pm - sap?
1:17 pm - dude we’re getting worried
4:28 pm - look i’m sorry but i didn’t know what to say. where are you man?
6: 50 pm - dude we need to talk where are you
He could hear the tone of Dream’s voice in that one, even though it was conveyed in Karl’s soft voice. Dream was worried with an edge of angry, and to be fair, if he had just disappeared for over 24 hours, Sapnap would’ve felt the same. Guilt built in his stomach.
7:28 am - I’m glad you’re okay. I’m sorry.
“There’s another break, it looks like a few days. Then yesterday he sent another.”
2:56 am - please come home
Sapnap clutched into Karl’s hoodie harder as he read the last one, gentle tears beginning to roll down his cheeks.
“He doesn’t hate me,” he murmured, so quietly Karl almost missed it.
The older ran his hand through short hair. “No Sap, of course he doesn’t.” Silence ran through the room for a minute. “I’m going to move on to George now.”
When the younger hummed his consent, he started. “These are from the day you got here.”
12:56 pm - so you’re in love with me, huh?
12:57 pm - couldn’t even tell me yourself? I had to hear it from Dream, Sapnap. From Dream.
He knew George was joking. That was just like him, always the least serious, the quickest to crack a joke to make other’s feel better. Sapnap felt a swell of love for it, and then immediately worked to push it down.
2:28 pm - Sap your car is here and you’re not
5:38 pm - your suitcase is gone sap
5:39 pm - that makes me feel better because i know you meant to leave for long enough to pack a bag but i still don’t like it where are you?
He can hear George’s voice in those last messages too. The joking tone is gone, replaced with the same worry that laced Dream’s messages.
5:55 pm - We’re going to call your mom tomorrow to see if you’re with her. Just let us know you’re okay
7:29 am - I’m glad you're with Karl, but come home soon.
“There are more from George,” Karl says, and Sapnap isn’t surprised. Dream, for as clingy and needy as he can be, has always had a more quiet understanding with Sapnap. “Oh there’s some from when we were streaming.”
8:56 pm - that looks like a fun game, we should play it some time
9:23 pm - i know you’re not reading these so i don’t feel bad for messaging you during stream
9:23 pm - do you even have your phone turned on?
10:50 pm - we’re glad you're with Karl, it looks like you're having fun
12:54 pm - Dream misses you. I miss you.
The last one pauses both Karl and Sapnap. It was after the stream was over by a couple hours, the two had already been curled up in their respective beds for the night. Karl clears his throat quickly and continues to scroll, not letting the tension in the room get any thicker. “The next day there are more. Wow this guy is chatty,” Karl says, trying to make a joke. Sapnap appreciates it, even if he can’t laugh right now.
12:25 pm - Dream is being all brood-y. It’s annoying.
1:38 pm - sorry, i promise i don’t want you to feel bad about leaving. take all the time you need
Sapnap manages a smile at that. He knows what George means. Before George had made the trek across the Atlantic, Dream would lock himself away in his room for what felt like days, mad at the distance and universe in general.
“This is the last one from him on here,” Karl says. “It’s from this morning.”
6:53 am - are you coming back?
***
The discord messages are less important, they discover. In the beginning there are more of the same “where are you?” messages but those quickly fall away to, “you don’t have to, but quackity has that stream we’re supposed to be on. I’ll tell him you can’t make it if you don’t respond.”
Sapnap is filled with guilt about that, missing his own streams and filming time is one thing, but he’d promised Quackity he would be there and then just didn’t show. He’d have to apologize to him soon. Karl senses where his thoughts are going immediately and shuts them down.
“I talked to Q too. At the beginning of the week. Warned him you wouldn’t be up for it probably. He’s not mad at all.” And Sapnap feels a little better. And then Karl asks the question he’d been dreading most, although he didn’t realize it until it was asked. “There are a few voicemails too… do you want to listen to them?”
Sapnap stills, thinks, and shakes his head. It was one thing to have the messages delivered in Karl’s gentle, comforting voice. It would be another to have Dream and George actually talking to him.
“Okay, no problem. It looks like they called you at least once a day. If you change your mind and want to know, we can listen together if you want. Or I can listen and tell you what they said.” Sapnap decides again that he doesn’t deserve Karl. His eyes start to water and he presses himself more firmly into his side.
“Hey hey hey, none of that,” Karl says, wiping his tears from his cheeks after he lifts his face from his side. “They were good messages. They don’t hate you, Sap. It’s okay.”
Sapnap nods. His voice is a little cracked when he finally pushes the words past dry lips. “Not them, Karl. Happy tears. So happy to have you.” Karl curls Sapnap into a hug, phone discarded on the coffee table, and they fall asleep on the couch.
***
Two days later, Sapnap is done filming for a Mr Beast video that they had room on, and is exhausted to his bones. They spent all day running around an abandoned school, a challenge based on a Phasmophobia map. He had fun, legitimately, his competitive side getting rear its head after being buried under soft boy Sapnap for so long.
Once they get home, they eat their take out in silence, both too tired to do more than shovel Chinese into their mouths and chew. Karl finishes first, and heads off to his own room, stating his dire need for a shower and bed. Sapnap nods, he’s not far behind.
But once he lies in bed, sleep won’t come. He tosses and turns for a while before eventually grabbing his phone, mindlessly opening and scrolling through twitter for the first time since he left Florida. There are a bunch of tweets about the impromptu meetup with Karl, a lot of Karlnap tags. He scrolls though them, debating feeding the fire with a bit of pandering, before deciding that it probably wouldn’t be best.
He’s deep in his timeline, back to when Quackity was streaming, when he comes across a clip that makes him pause.
does anyone think that dream and george sound a little off here? the tweet reads, and he clicks on the attached clip before he can stop himself. Jackbox pops up on the screen, and Quackity and badboyhalo’s voices filter through the speakers of his phone, bantering back and forth about quackity’s excessive swearing.
The game announcer voice reads off the quiplash prompt. “Damn it! I failed No Nut November because of blank.”
Quackity pauses his banter to read off the answers. “Dream’s manhunt clutchs or surprise Karlnap meetup. Wait guy, guys, Karl and Sapnap met up without me again.” He dramatically sighs.
Dream’s voice comes in, and although Sapnap knows it so well, had heard it on calls for years, it’s still a shock to his system. “Wait what guys you're pandering! I mean come on—”
Quackity is still talking though, not even acknowledging Dream’s comment. “We’re the fiancés, we’re the three who love each other! How could they do this to me!” Its dramatic. Its just for show. But Dream, who was still talking under Quackity, clearly cuts off. It’s strangely quiet in the call for a second, although maybe Sapnap is imagining tension where there is none.
Dream makes a noise, almost a whine, and Sapnap was sure it wasnt supposed to be picked up by his mic. And then George says, “Dream,” in a quiet, low voice. Almost warning, even though his own voice shakes just enough to be noticed. Something in Sapnap’s heart shakes in time with it.
Dream takes a breath loud enough to be heard over the call, “George.” His voice is slightly shaky as well. And then bless him, Quackity turns on his voice distorted and starts making random noises, ending the strange moment.
Sapnap reads through the replies. yeah one says and the timing is interesting too. Another just says #dreamnotnap. Fortunately, Sapnap thinks as he scrolls to the top of the thread, the tweet hasn’t gained too much traction, just a few thousand likes. No one else is even talking about the moment.
He sighs and drops the phone back to the bed, almost angry that he can’t sleep still. After a few more minutes of glaring at the ceiling, he picks the device back up. Swiping out of twitter, he clicks on the phone icon, the red notification bubble staring at him as it has been all week.
There is a missed call a day from either George or Dream, sometimes both. But they don’t leave many voicemails. There are just four from the course of the week and a half he’s been away.
The first one is from Dream, on the day he left. Before Karl told them he was safe. He clicks it, holding the phone to his ear, and Dream’s voice begins to play through the small speaker.
“Sap shit I’m sorry but where are you man? Look i get it i didn’t say anything and that’s rough but like you have to understand what you dropped on me! I didn’t even know you liked guys! There was so much to unpack and I just couldn’t handle it but you can’t just run away! Don’t fucking do this, you’re making us worried and just come home and deal with this shit.”
The message ends with a huff, and Sapnap isn’t surprised. Dream sounded mad in that one, and a flash of hurt and the fear that he had ruined everything spike through him.
No he has to remind himself, that’s from the first day, just keep listening.
The next one is from George. Its from a whole day after the first one, after they knew where he was.
“Hey Sap, its George. Look I know you’re safe but seriously please never just disappear like that again. We were so worried.” Sapnap hears some unintelligible audio in the background and George pauses. Dream must be talking to him. “Look, we’ve got to talk. Dream is sorry for the shit he said when he called you earlier, and I’m sorry for not butting in and stopping him from saying it. We were both just really worried. And we had a lot to take in. But that doesn’t matter. Just come back as soon as you feel comfortable. Patches misses you. Okay, bye.”
The message clicks off. Sapnap feels slightly better about that one than he did Dream’s. But the final two messages are both from Dream, and Sapnap clicks on them in quick succession. The first one is from halfway through the first week, and the second one is from two days ago.
“Sap, hey.” Dream sounds tired, and Sapnap vaguely thinks he should check what time the voicemail was left. “Look. I’m really sorry for what I said when I called the first time. I promise you I didn’t mean it. I was just so worried and…” there’s a deep breath as Dream cuts himself off, and Sapnap takes one in time with the message. “Anyways. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. And I miss you. We both miss you. The house doesn’t feel the same without you here. Its too big. Look,” another deep breath, “I just hope I didn’t screw everything up with my reaction. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I know I did and I hope you know how sorry I am for that. Please just come home when you can.”
The message shuts off, and the next one starts to play with a quick press of fingers to phone screen.
“Hey Sap, its us. We just wanted to say we miss you again, and we hope you’ll come home soon. But if you don’t want to, that’s okay also.” Dream sounds resigned in this one. It pulls on Sapnap’s heart in an uncomfortable way. He sounds sad, and he doesn’t like to be the cause of that. “Listen, we can do whatever you want. If you want to move in with Karl that’s okay, just let me know and I can pack up your things and send them to you.” The line goes quiet for a while, and Sapnap nearly breaks at the thought that they think he doesn’t want to be there with them anymore. “Whatever you want. We can go back to just discord calls. Or we can start even slower and just text. I just… Sap, I just need you in my life. I can’t lose you like this. I can’t.” Sapnap almost thinks he hears Dream quietly crying through the words. “Fuck Sap, neither George or I can. We’re not the same without you here. We’re not a family anymore. We’ll do whatever you want… I just really hope what you want is to come home. Okay, love you, bye.”
Sapnap stares at the ceiling for another thirty minutes, Dream and George’s word bouncing around his head, and falls into a restless sleep.
***
Karl notices something has changed as soon as he sees Sapnap the next morning. He’s got the day off from filming, just some editing to do. Sapnap looks at him over toast and says, “I’m ready to go home.”
Karl looks at him and lets out a blinding smile. “Okay then. Do you have your plane ticket yet?”
Sapnap nods, it was the first thing he had done when he woke up with a newfound resolve to face his problems head on, as well and a full understanding that neither of the two in Florida hated him. “I leave tomorrow morning, if that’s okay? I can take an Uber if you’re busy, of course.”
Karl shakes his head. “No way am i missing driving you to the airport, tomorrow morning it is.” He gets a little more serious and continues. “Seriously though, whatever happens, you’re always welcome up here. Hell, the guest bedroom is practically yours as is. You are always welcome and you are never a burden.”
Sapnap flushes, and nods quickly. “Thanks, Karl. I really appreciate all you’ve done for me. You’re my best friend.”
Karl smiles blindingly again. “And you're mine.”
The rest of the day passes quickly, some packing and skating done, mostly just relaxing in the new, happy, energy that surrounds them.
When Karl drops Sapnap off at the airport the next morning, he smiles his blinding smile one more time, and requests a text as soon as he’s home safe. Sapnap nods against his shoulder, and thinks platonic soulmates might be a real thing.
***
Sapnap hadn’t told Dream and George he was coming home. He didn’t know why but he just wanted to sneak in the way he had snuck out. Something about it felt poetic, or something stupid like that. He texts Karl as soon as his Uber drops him off in the driveway, and picks up his bags.
The house is quiet as he unlocks the door and sneaks inside. There’s a quiet rumbling of audio from upstairs, George or Dream, or George and Dream, must be watching something in one of their rooms.
He lugs his stuff to his room, careful not to trip on Patches who winds her way around his ankles as soon as he’s through the door. Placing his suitcase not so softly on his bed, he decides he’ll worry about unpacking later.
Sock clad feet are quiet on hardwood floors and he scoops up Patches and pads upstairs to Dream’s room. The door is already open a crack and he places the small fur ball in his arms down so she can enter before he does.
“Oh hey Patches,” he hears George say as he follows the cat, poking his head into the room through the cracked door. They’re watching some rom-com, he notes absently as his eyes sweep over to the bed, where George and Dream are curled up. George is looking down at the cat on the floor, and hasn’t noticed the second intruder into the room. Dream hasn’t looked up at all, his eyes almost closed as George pets his hair where his head rests on his chest. Its so domestic and comfortable that Sapnap has to force himself not to turn away.
And then the light from the tv changes, and in the new flash of color, Sapnap can see the reflections of wet streaks on Dream’s face. He’s been crying. He still is crying, if the small shake of his shoulders is anything to go by. Sapnap’s heart, so carefully mended over the past week and a half, rips in two again.
But the pain is different this time. It hurts in a way that can be fixed. It hurts because Dream is hurting, and George is hurting. Not because he is hurting. He knows, somewhere deep in his soul, that this isn’t the same hurt that caused him to flee in the first place. He steps more fully into the room.
Three sets of eyes look up at him. Patches doesn’t seem to care too much, after all, she already knew he was here.
George’s chocolate eyes look almost black under the light of the tv, impossible to read. But the rest of his face is different. Its open in a way George rarely is, showing his shock and the beginnings of a small smile.
Dream is different, his bright eyes reflect every emotion swirling in his soul. Surprise, first. Then hope. He almost seems to shake himself, to make sure he’s not dreaming Sapnap’s return. And then a flash of so much joy, his entire face lighting up, and he stumbles out of bed and rushes to the door.
Sapnap wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he came home, maybe a long talk over the dining room table, almost certainly a lot of awkward silences in the kitchen, but it wasn’t the hug that he got from Dream. The taller man seemed to crumple into his, letting all of his weight rest on Sapnap’s shoulders. He buries his face in his neck, and Sapnap can feel the two, three, maybe four day old stubble that coats his jaw. “Sap,” he breathes, as if he still can’t believe he’s here. “You came home.”
Sapnap laughs quietly, watching as George stands up out of bed too, and suddenly he’s being pressed into from two sides, both boys hanging onto him as if their lives depend on it.
“Yeah, yeah I did.”