Work Text:
"Uh, Lu Guang. Can I ask you for a favor?"
Lu Guang lifted his gaze from his book and squinted at Xiaoshi in suspicion before going back to his reading. "What is it?"
Xiaoshi rubbed the back of his neck.
A few days ago, his professor had given his class a sketchbook consisting of thirty pages and a deadline to complete it in two weeks. It had sounded like an easy task to Xiaoshi. Fun, even.
Until his professor brought up the fact that they had to choose only one thing to draw over and over again. Something about creating a variety of art pieces from just one object and being able to capture the essence of that object in all their drawings. Enhancing their creativity and shit.
It sounded cool in theory, but actually trying to carry out with it seemed difficult to Xiaoshi. How could he draw the same flower in a hundred different ways? Or a bicycle? A chair? Like, what the actual heck? At that rate, he'd spend half of the time he had been given trying to figure out how to draw instead of actually drawing.
Then a brilliant idea struck him: just draw a person! Drawing someone gave him many possibilities like having them sit down, stand up, eat something. Asking someone close to him was going to make it even easier.
"Can you be my model for my art project?"
Lu Guang paused, caught off guard by this. "Model? Qiao Ling would be better suited for this."
Xiaoshi threw his arms up in exasperation. "You think I haven't asked her? I figured it'd be a good idea because she has a good fashion sense and it'd make for interesting drawings, you know?"
"Mhm."
"But seriously, asking her was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. She said," his pitch went up higher as he mimicked Qiao Ling's voice, "Cheng Xiaoshi, are you insane!? You want to stalk me, have your eyes all over me and draw my every move for two whole weeks?! And then she whacked me and started nagging me on who knows what!"
Lu Guang flipped a page. "It is understandable that she would feel uncomfortable in that situation."
Xiaoshi rubbed the ghost of a smack on his cheek. "I guess so... I didn't realise it would be that weird." He looked up at Lu Guang with hope in his eyes. "But I promise I won't make you feel weirded out or anything. You won't even know I'm drawing you half the time."
Lu Guang pursed his lips.
"Pretty pretty please!" Xiaoshi clasped his hands together in a begging manner. "Pweaaase, Guang Guang!"
"Ugh..." Lu Guang pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine."
"Thank you! These two weeks are gonna pass by in a breeze-- I guarantee you!"
***
Xiaoshi aggressively erased a third of the sketch he had done so far. His pencil scratched over the paper as he worked on refilling the empty space. He stopped to stare at his attempt to fix his work, chewing on his lip when everything just looked wrong.
He erased everything away. It was too horrendous to even try recovering this mess.
He dropped his head into his hand with a frustrated sigh. He was working on his first drawing of Lu Guang, and it was safe to say that he had officially forgotten how to draw. He couldn't understand why it was so hard to draw his best friend of years, the one he saw everyday. That was probably the most disheartening part. He figured drawing Lu Guang would be like breathing. He didn't have to figure out how to do it because he was already so familiar with it.
But his sketches proved otherwise. They weren't bad, they just didn't feel like Lu Guang. The whole point of this project was to capture the essence of the object no matter how many ways he drew it. He couldn't even capture Lu Guang's essence in one drawing.
"Are you okay?" Lu Guang asked from where he was sat opposite of him in the library's chair.
Xiaoshi didn't look up, continuing to sulk into his hand. "No. Lu Guang... You're too pretty for me to draw."
He could feel the energy of Lu Guang's eye roll as he clicked his tongue. "You're just too cocky."
"Not helping."
Lu Guang sighed, putting his book down on the table. "Why don't you try looking at me more? Study my features closely and whatever."
Xiaoshi looked up cautiously. "Are you sure you'd be okay with that?"
"I don't mind."
"Well, if you say so." He got up from his chair to take a seat on the one next to Lu Guang.
He arched a brow up at him in a silent question.
Xiaoshi turned his chair to face him, gesturing for him to do the same. "So I can study you better," he explained.
Lu Guang followed, placing his hands on his thighs. He met Xiaoshi's gaze with an unbothered one. It was comforting to him, revealing that Lu Guang wasn't uncomfortable.
Xiaoshi rubbed his chin as he stared intently at Lu Guang's face.
He knew Lu Guang had an attractive face. He had vocally expressed this opinion a handful amount of times. But being in his current position, he realised that he never thought about why he felt this way. What was it that made Lu Guang's face attractive?
He scanned his face, searching for an answer to his question. He guessed as a start, for someone who was so rough around the edges, Lu Guang had a very soft appeal to him. His skin was milky and soft. It made his chubby cheeks appear so squishable and cute. His white hair was adorably fluffy, giving him an ethereal look similar to that of an angel.
Most of Lu Guang's features could paint him as someone with a cuteness akin to a child. But there was something in the way he carried himself that contrasted that cuteness. Something that made him so undoubtedly... hot.
His eyes, for example. They were his sharpest feature. Everything about them were cold, from the looks they gave to the colour itself, and yet Xiaoshi always found himself melting under his gaze.
His eyes dropped down to Lu Guang's lips. They were flushed pink. Delicate. A contrast to the deep and steady voice that came out of his mouth. Words full of intelligence and power that slipped between those pretty lips could prompt anyone to follow his every order, as if trapped in his hypnotic trance.
"Cheng Xiaoshi?"
He sat up, surprised that he had been leaning into Lu Guang. "U-Uh, yeah." He cleared his throat.
"You've been staring at my face for thirty minutes."
"What?!"
The librarian shushed him from where she was sitting at the front.
Xiaoshi lowered his shrieks to a whisper. "Are you serious?!"
Lu Guang stifled a laugh into his fist. "Kidding. It's only been five minutes."
"Tch." Xiaoshi relaxed back onto his chair with a sigh of relief. "Why'd you have to go kid around like that?"
Lu Guang shrugged. "It felt a little... tense. I mean, it was weird to see you so quiet and deep in your thoughts for that long."
Xiaoshi pouted. "I can be quiet..."
"I like it when you're loud."
"Uhhh-" He swallowed, his mouth was going dry.
He likes it when I'm loud? What the hell does that even mean?
"Okay." Xiaoshi chose to ignore that, instead picking up his pencil and lifting it over his sketchbook. "I think I got it. This is just gonna take a sec, 'kay?"
Well, it didn't take 'a sec'. Xiaoshi got lost in the sketch as he put in a good amount of effort into making it perfect, causing him to disregard time. But Lu Guang waited patiently. He didn't seem annoyed or irritated. He was just there. He had always been just there for Xiaoshi.
The corners of his lips twitched up into a small smile as the thought crossed his mind.
"Alriiight," He placed the last few strokes of lines down on the paper. "Done with my first ever sketch of you! Wanna see?"
"Sure."
He turned his book around for Lu Guang. Lu Guang held it as his eyes widened by a little over the drawing of him. He was silent as he stared intently at it, the only physical reaction Xiaoshi could see being the blush dusting his cheeks. It was all he needed to know how he felt about it.
He wiggled his eyebrows at him. "Heh, you like it?"
Lu Guang covered half his face with a hand to hide the blush that was rapidly forming. "It's nice."
"Maybe when I'm done with this whole thing, I can draw one specially for you." He winked. "What d'ya say?"
"Tsk. Why would I ever want a drawing of myself?"
"Well, first of all, you're clearly in love with it. Secondly, you're beloved BFF is the one drawing such masterpiece."
Lu Guang's hand moved to his forehead, fingers rubbing at his temple. "Remind me to never give you compliments ever again."
"Hmph, you rarely give me compliments anyway."
Lu Guang sighed, passing the sketchbook over to him. Averting his gaze, he mumbled, "That's probably going to change in the coming two weeks."
Xiaoshi beamed.
***
Drawing Lu Guang was enjoyable.
It was calming, mesmerising, pleasing. It made Xiaoshi want to draw nothing but Lu Guang.
Everytime he drew him, it felt like he was discovering a new side of him. The funny thing was, he had seen all these sides at least once in his life. Lu Guang with glasses, Lu Guang in a hoodie, Lu Guang from the right, Lu Guang from the left. Xiaoshi supposed it was because he had to put all his focus on him, recreate every detail of him that made him appreciate him more.
Drawing the slope of his nose, his sharp jawline, the veins on his delicate hands... Every single pencil line Xiaoshi put down on his paper left a mark on his heart.
He brushed his hand over the sketch of Lu Guang drinking coffee. He was wearing a white T-shirt, his hair was a mess from his bedhead and there were dark bags under his eyes.
Xiaoshi thought he looked beautiful.
***
The two of them were in their shared dorm, lying in their respective beds after a long day of classes.
Xiaoshi was touching up on a coloured drawing of Lu Guang. He was halfway done with filling up his sketchbook and had plenty of time left to complete it so he didn't rush himself.
As he was packing up his colour pencils, a thought passed through his mind. He hadn't drawn Lu Guang shirtless. It would be nice if he could. He looked over at his side where he was lying in bed watching something on his phone.
Xiaoshi rested his cheek on his palm with a thoughtful expression. He wondered if Lu Guang would agree.
"Lu Guang~"
He side-eyed Xiaoshi, a scrutinising gaze already taking up his face at the suspicious tone of his voice.
"What?"
"Can I see you without your shirt on?"
Xiaoshi immediately flinched at the words that left his mouth. Now he understood why Qiao Ling found his proposal for drawing her weird. She probably knew something like this was going to happen.
He backtracked. "Wait, wait, sorry! I mean, can I- Can I draw you shirtless? You don't have to but I'd really like it if you did. So I can draw you, of course! Oh my god..." He blushed. What was going on? He wasn't usually this flustered around Lu Guang.
"Sure."
His head shot up to Lu Guang who was now facing him, his phone discarded to the side.
He gulped. "Are you... Are you sure?"
"I said I am, didn't I?"
"I'm just making sure you're really okay with it."
"Hm, or do you not want to anymore?"
Xiaoshi got up quickly. "No, no! I want to." He added, "In the name of art."
Lu Guang nodded, already beginning to take his shirt off. He put it at the side and tilted his head at Xiaoshi, white bangs falling into his eyes.
"How do you want me?"
All systems in Xiaoshi's body literally stopped working. His heart leapt out of his mouth and his brain short-circuited and started a fire in his head. He swore there was smoke clouding his vision.
He took in a deep breath, sucking back in all the organs he needed to function like a normal human being.
"Place your hands behind you, like you're leaning on them."
Lu Guang followed as he said, getting into the exact position Xiaoshi had in mind.
"Like this?"
"Yeah," Xiaoshi said, breathless. "Just like that."
It was a little hard to see in the dark but the moonlight illuminated Lu Guang's body perfectly. It shone over all the curves and outlines of his beautifully sculptured body. Lu Guang didn't do any sports or martial arts like Xiaoshi so he was considerably skinny. But he had gained some muscles from the time they spent playing basketball together.
Xiaoshi bit his lip. He wanted so badly to run his fingers along every inch of skin and bones but he restrained himself. He picked up his pencil and started sketching, channeling all his desire into drawing him instead of actually touching him. It felt just as fulfilling.
"Cheng Xiaoshi, why do you like drawing?"
"Hm- Oh, uh." He smiled. "Because I like it, duh."
"Seriously."
Xiaoshi smirked. "Oh what is this? You've taken a sudden interest in me?"
Lu Guang turned his head to the side, unknowingly revealing his pale throat to Xiaoshi. "Nevermind then."
Xiaoshi laughed, though it came out a little high pitched at the reveal of Lu Guang's skin. "Alright, alright. I'll try to answer your question." He tapped the top of his pencil on his sketchbook repeatedly. "To tell the truth, I've never actually thought about it before."
He'd never thought about why he liked things before. If he liked something, then he liked it. He didn't feel the need to know why he felt a certain away. But recently, he'd had to do just that. Ever since he started drawing Lu Guang, he wasn't only discovering more about him, he was discovering more of himself too.
"I guess, the main reason why I like it isn't anything unique-- It's a form of expression for me. I'm not very good with words so I rely on my art to speak for me."
Lu Guang nodded thoughtfully. "You're always so focused and quiet when you're drawing. It would be unsettling if it weren't for for how calm you look."
"Ha-ha." Xiaoshi rolled his eyes at the shade. "But, yeah, it does calm me. It helps me release pent up emotions too. Like, the urges that I can't act on."
"Oh? Cheng Xiaoshi not acting on his urges? Interesting."
"Wow, shocker." He blew a frustrated breath through his mouth. "It might not look like it but I do have some self-control. Drawing helps me throw all my unresolved feelings onto paper. Anger, sorrow, lust."
Lu Guang's brows shot up. "I never knew you drew lewd things as well."
"Hahaha! It's amazing that's the conclusion you came to. I guess you can say I do all types of drawings."
"Hm, very interesting."
They fell silent, the sounds of pencil scratching on paper being the only source of sound. Xiaoshi's tongue stuck out between his lips as he finished up the sketch of Lu Guang. He wanted to get in more angles of him shirtless.
"Can you turn around? So I can draw your back."
"How do you want me to sit?"
"Crisscrossed."
Lu Guang got into position, and Xiaoshi was grateful that he couldn't see his face. He bet it was completely flushed red with how heated up he felt. He tried not to get worked up over the mere sight of Lu Guang's back as he raked his eyes over him, gaze dropping down lower until he paused.
His eyes widened. He got off his bed to closely observe the thing that had captured his attention.
"Oh my gosh, Lu Guang!"
"What?" Lu Guang turned his head around to find out what was it that was making Xiaoshi so excited.
Xiaoshi covered his mouth with his hands in awe. "Did you know that you have a little heart-shaped birthmark down here?"
"Really?" Lu Guang twisted his body to get a better look, but furrowed his brows when he couldn't see anything. "I've never noticed it before."
"Lemme take a pic for you." Xiaoshi momentarily got up to retrieve his phone from his bed, sitting back down when he got it. He brought it closer to Lu Guang's birthmark that was placed right above the waistband of his shorts and took a picture.
He placed it in front of Lu Guang who studied the screen.
"Hm, it does look like a heart."
"Right? It's so cool! How come you didn't know about it?"
Lu Guang shrugged. "No one's ever pointed it out before."
Xiaoshi sat down on Lu Guang's bed. "Not even your parents?"
"Maybe they did, but I can't remember. My mum died when I was eight, you know this, and my dad... He just didn't care about me after that."
Xiaoshi's brows scrunched up in concern. "I thought you and your dad were close."
Lu Guang sighed, shifting in his seat. "There's a reason I never let you visit my house in high school." He pinched the bridge of his nose, mumbling, "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to tell you now-- My dad was an alcoholic."
Xiaoshi's eyes widened but Lu Guang didn't meet his gaze, continuing to speak.
"After my mum passed away from her sickness, my dad completely changed. A part of him blamed himself for not being able to prevent her death and so he drowned all that misery in drinking." Lu Guang intertwined his fingers together. "In the beginning, I was sad, and scared. It felt like I didn't just lose my mum, but my dad too. Everytime I saw him, he'd have some kind of drink in his hand. Everytime he saw me, he'd have a look of longing and sadness in his eyes. I've always been told that I looked like my mum..."
Lu Guang's voice was steady as always, but his fists were clenched and his face went through a multitude of emotions that hurt Xiaoshi. He placed a supporting hand on his knee.
Lu Guang noted it briefly, unclenching his fists. "As time passed, I got angry. I was angry that he didn't care about me, angry that I was forced to take care of him and myself, angry that I had to clean up his disgusting mess every single day."
Xiaoshi was deep in his thoughts as Lu Guang's words created a perspective that he had never seen before.
Was this where Lu Guang's maturity came from? Was this why he was the most responsible among their friends despite being the youngest? Because he'd had to do everything himself most of his life? The revelation crushed Xiaoshi.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Why didn't you tell me you had been hurting all this time?
Lu Guang finally met his eyes, before shaking his head. "You've always cared too much."
"Of course I'd care about you a lot!"
Lu Guang sighed. "I had everything under control. And, I didn't want to bring my problems into my only escape, the good times we spent together."
Xiaoshi looked him over with a confusing mix of bafflement and awe in him.
Lu Guang always said that Xiaoshi was one to care about things too much, but it was at times like this where he thought it was reversed. He never really noticed it, but Lu Guang had a big heart.
"Still, I'm sorry you had to go through that by yourself..."
"Idiot, ever since I met you and Qiao Ling, I was never by myself. Even when you never knew, you helped me in a thousand different ways."
"But that doesn't change the fact that you'd been so miserable and I knew nothing about it."
Lu Guang placed a firm hand on his shoulder. "Don't linger in the past. No matter how good or bad it was, I am grateful for the present I have today. My dad went to rehab and it's hard to face him sometimes, but I feel better that he's trying to improve. And, not only that, but I'm constantly surrounded by people with so much love and support... I'm happy now and that's all that matters to me."
Xiaoshi took in a deep breath and smiled. "Okay, okay. But, if something ever bothers you, you better tell me!"
Lu Guang rolled his eyes.
"Seriously," He placed his hand on Lu Guang's. "I know I'm sensitive with gloomy things, but with you, I genuinely want to be apart of all your good and bad moments. You don't have to protect me from reality, Lu Guang."
Lu Guang's face was expressionless as he brought his other hand up and wiped an invisible tear from his eye. "I feel like a proud mum."
Xiaoshi laughed out loud, letting go of Lu Guang's hand to wrap his arm around his own waist. His sides ached with the force of his laughter but he didn't care.
He felt good.
The conversation took a light-hearted turn after that, the both of them sharing amusing stories with each other as Xiaoshi filled up pages of his sketchbook with Lu Guang.
Somehow, they managed to stay awake until four in the morning.
The odd thing was, Lu Guang allowed it to happen, even though he was usually so strict about getting a proper amount of sleep. Lu Guang felt different that night.
And for some reason, something in Xiaoshi felt different too.
***
Xiaoshi hadn't asked Lu Guang to pose for him in the late hours of the day ever since that night. It wasn't because they were uncomfortable or anything. They seemed more comfortable with each other these days, actually. It was just, the first time Xiaoshi drew Lu Guang in the dark was merely a spur of the moment thing. It was more convenient to draw him in daylight so they stuck to it. Xiaoshi hadn't drawn him at night ever since.
Until he did.
It was quarter past midnight and he had just finished a painting of Lu Guang. He went to the bathroom to go wash up, planning on falling asleep right after. This was probably the earliest he was going to sleep willingly without the assist of Lu Guang's nagging. He was no doubt exhausted.
He stepped back into their room and smiled when he was met with the sight of Lu Guang cuddled up in his bed. He had been asleep an hour ago.
Instead of walking in the direction of his own bed, Xiaoshi came closer to Lu Guang. There was something drawing him to him. Something that made him lower to the ground beside his bed.
His heart thumped louder and he placed a hand over it, feeling as it only drummed harder and quicker.
He swallowed. What was happening?
What was possessing him to place his arms on Lu Guang's bed and rest his cheek on them as he ran his eyes over Lu Guang's sleeping face? His face that looked so peaceful. His scowl was gone but his exhaustion could still be seen in the worn lines under his eyes.
Xiaoshi felt like his heartstrings were being pulled to create a melody of chaos and calm, prompting every part of his soul to dance to this foreign but beautiful song.
Then his eyes dropped to Lu Guang's lips.
And everything halted as one thought dropped into his mind, like someone throwing a pebble and creating ripples in a steady river.
I want to kiss you.
The thought fuelled the force of his heartbeats until they thumped overwhelmingly against his chest. His pants of breath came out unsteady and loud as he was overtook with the strong urge to kiss Lu Guang.
He bit his lip and used every fibre in his being to stand up and retrieve his sketchbook. He sat back down at Lu Guang's side and started drawing him.
It calmed him, but it didn't stop his mind from going into jumbles at what this meant.
He went to bed later, awake for the whole night as he thought about Lu Guang's rosy lips.
***
"Hold on, hold on. You're telling me you fell in love?"
"Yes."
"With Lu Guang?"
"Yes!"
"While you were drawing him?"
"Yes..."
Qiao Ling dropped her head into her hand with a sigh. "You really are an idiot, aren't you?"
Xiaoshi tangled his fingers into his hair. "I don't know what's happening, Qiao Ling! Ever since I started drawing him, all these feelings started popping up. And maybe, it might just be me being attracted to his good looks, but it feels so much deeper than that."
He dropped his hands onto his lap, voice going soft. "I admire how strong Lu Guang is and how smart and kind he is. My heart feels like it's going to burst with joy everytime I'm with him. Like little confetti and sweets bursting out of a piñata."
"Then let me ask you this, if you drew me, would you have fallen in love with me?"
Xiaoshi barked out a laugh. "Hell no! Why? Have you suddenly fallen for my charm?"
Qiao Ling grumbled, crossing her arms together. "This is why you're an idiot. You didn't fall for Lu Guang when you were drawing him, you only realised your feelings for him."
"That makes no sense. If I had feelings for someone, I'm sure I'd realise it."
"Not if you're as stupid as you are," she muttered. "Cheng Xiaoshi, I've seen the way you looked at him in the past. Tell me, how did you feel with Lu Guang before?"
Xiaoshi took a sip of his boba tea. "Happy. I was always happy with him. And warm, and fuzzy."
"What's the difference now?"
"Well, the difference is that I want to kiss him."
"And you never wanted to do that before?"
"I-..." He paused, brows furrowing.
He wasn't sure. He did, however, remember always wanting to be close to Lu Guang. There were moments where he craved his touch so badly. Xiaoshi felt love swell in his heart everytime he was with him. He knew Lu Guang caused him to feel that way.
But maybe, all this time, that feeling of love was unknowingly directed to Lu Guang.
He took in a shaky breath, then smiled when a realisation hit him. "It doesn't matter."
"Don't linger in the past. No matter how good or bad it was, I am grateful for the present I have today."
"It doesn't matter if I fell in love with him five years ago or two years ago or even a week ago. The only thing that matters is that I love him, right here, right now, in this present that we share together."
Qiao Ling's jaw fell before she grabbed both his hands in hers. "Aww, baby Xiaoshi's all grown up! So precious!"
"What do I do now, Qiao Ling?"
"Go get your man!"
He flinched at her enthusiasm. "But what happens if he doesn't feel the same way? I- I'm scared that my confession will screw everything up."
"Cheng Xiaoshi, I want you to listen to me very carefully!" She gripped his hands tighter as she looked him straight in the eye. "It's so obvious to anyone who looks at you guys that Lu Guang cares very much for you. No matter the outcome of your confession, he will always care for you. I am 100% percent sure of that."
Xiaoshi gripped her hands back with a small smile. "Thanks, Qiao Ling. I appreciate your support."
"Hehe." She winked. "Make sure you woo him properly, 'kay?"
"Huh? Like, seduce him?"
Her eye twitched. "No. Stick to your strengths and do what you do best. Express exactly how you feel about him."
Xiaoshi would've been offended that Qiao Ling didn't think seduction was apart of his strengths if it weren't for the pieces in his head clicking together.
Do what I do best, huh?
***
A week has passed since Xiaoshi handed in his sketchbook, but he never stopped drawing Lu Guang.
He spent days and nights working on a piece of Lu Guang. It was important for him to absolutely nail this painting because it was going to be the thing that conveyed his feelings to Lu Guang.
Honestly, Xiaoshi was excited. Drawing Lu Guang, like always, was fun.
That carefree ease went away when he was finally done. He lifted the painting up, his heart beating wildly.
When he was painting it, he was brought back to the first time he drew Lu Guang. Him trying to incorporate everything that made Lu Guang, well, Lu Guang. He made sure to capture his charming mix of soft and sharp, cold and warmth in the colours he chose. Ice blue, bright gold, black and white. The strokes of his brush were delicate, just like Lu Guang's features, as he mixed in a touch of his emotions into it.
Xiaoshi felt like he was falling in love with him all over again when he looked at the finished product.
He turned the painting around and wrote a small note on the back.
Now he just had to give it to Lu Guang, along with his beating heart.
***
Xiaoshi was freaking out.
He couldn't do it.
He was terrified, completely paralysed. What was he thinking? Lu Guang was way out of his league. He was a work of art. They were both best friends for goodness' sake.
Damn it... Xiaoshi's heart hurt so much.
"Something bothering you?"
A hand rested on one side of his shoulder, a familiar voice coming up behind him.
He turned his head around and his breath caught in his throat when he found Lu Guang staring at him. He slightly shook a bottle of boba tea in his hand.
"I got this for you when I was coming back from class." He rubbed the back of his neck as he averted his gaze. "It might make you feel better." He mumbled, "Even with all the sugar in it."
Xiaoshi's eyes went wide at the sight in front of him. Lu Guang had thought about him when he bought the tea, and wanted to cheer him up with it.
Xiaoshi clutched his chest as his heart swelled with love.
Love.
It was so clear now how much he loved Lu Guang.
He got up from his desk chair. "Lu Guang, there's something I want to give you."
Lu Guang stepped back as Xiaoshi moved to retrieve the painting. He hummed in amusement. "Yeah? My birthday isn't until a few more months."
He hid the painting behind his back when he got it, walking back up to Lu Guang. He smiled. "I know."
Lu Guang arched a brow cautiously. "Okay, I'm curious now. You feel... off."
Xiaoshi chuckled. "Funny. I feel right."
He slowly brought the painting to his front, shaky hands handing it over to Lu Guang. Lu Guang took it and the moment he saw its contents, his eyes went wide.
"Holy shit," he breathed. "This is incredible. I- wow."
"And you were the one who was iffy about having a drawing of yourself," Xiaoshi joked, though he felt like he was going to explode with the thoughts running through his mind.
Lu Guang didn't counter back, too distracted by the painting of himself. He gently brushed his hand along the paper, enamored by all the strokes of colour used to recreate Xiaoshi's depiction of him. He briefly turned the paper around, pausing when he found the note at the bottom.
Xiaoshi watched as his eyes darted over the script.
Beautiful.
Everytime I draw you, I can't help but think about how beautiful you are.
- Cheng Xiaoshi ♡
Lu Guang looked back up at him. "Cheng Xiaoshi, what exactly is this?'
Warmth filled Xiaoshi's cheeks. "This is me expressing myself because words can't properly express how I feel about you."
"How you feel about me?"
Xiaoshi rested his hands on the desk behind him to steady himself. His knees felt weak. "Lu Guang, we've been friends for a long time. In that time we've spent together, I've always felt this- this happiness inside me. To me, you're like this bright sun that's always managed to light me up. I can't explain how much I love you."
Evident shock took over Lu Guang's features. He looked like he wanted to say something but nothing came out.
Xiaoshi continued, "I love you and everything about you. Your heart, your weird sense of humour, your ridiculously good looks." He huffed out a chuckle. All his previous worries suddenly faded away. Somehow he felt lighter after his confession. "I'm not expecting you to feel the same way. I just want you to know how much you mean to me."
He watched as Lu Guang gently placed the painting on the desk, then took a step forward towards him. His heart beated wildly when Lu Guang took in a deep breath.
And it stopped beating completely when he fisted his hands into the collar of his shirt and smashed his lips against his.
Xiaoshi let out a sound of surprise but it was muffled by soft lips. Lu Guang's lips. The very lips he had drawn countless of times, pink and plump, moving against his own.
He squeezed his eyes shut and followed the instinct to push back, burying his nails into the back of Lu Guang's shirt to pull him closer. The kiss was sweet. And tasted like strawberries. Did Lu Guang eat strawberry flavoured candy? Xiaoshi melted under his hold. He was already addicted to the taste of Lu Guang's mouth.
Lu Guang pulled back slowly, but it didn't stop the whine that came out of Xiaoshi's mouth. He blushed.
"Lu Guang..." His voice came out breathless from their kiss.
Lu Guang cupped Xiaoshi's cheek with a hand, emotions that he had never seen before swimming in his eyes. "I feel the same way," he said softly. "Fuck, I've felt this way for so long. And I was happy like that. I never felt the need to confess because I felt at peace admiring you from the inside."
His hand inched down to the side of his neck, thumb brushing at the underside of his jaw. "But hearing you reciprocate my feelings, it made me realise that I want to be with you. I want to share things with you that only lovers do."
A shiver rippled through Xiaoshi's body. "Lovers, huh? Is that what we are now?"
Lu Guang pecked his lips. "Lovers, partners, boyfriends, soulmates."
"Soulmates?" Xiaoshi smirked. "Ohoho, Lu Guang! I never knew you could be so cheesy."
"Shut up."
"No, no. It's a nice surprise." He wrapped his arms around Lu Guang's waist. "Are you the type to shower me with gifts and flowers? Take me out on a romantic date?"
Lu Guang dropped his head down to his collarbone. "Sure."
"Sure?" Xiaoshi was surprised with the sudden agreement.
He yelped when Lu Guang bit down on his skin, then lapped his tongue over the bruised mark. He licked a trail up his throat, causing Xiaoshi to emit soft sounds out of his mouth.
"I guess that also makes me the type to use cheesy pet names," he mumbled against his skin. "Don't you think, darling?"
Xiaoshi gasped, overwhelmed by the effect the pet name had on him and the sensation of Lu Guang running his hot mouth over his neck. He tangled his hand into Lu Guang's hair, bringing him back up to meet his eyes.
He blushed under the soft gaze of grey eyes.
"I- I- gah!" He buried his face into his hands and began to ramble. "I feel like my heart's going to explode. One second I feel totally under control and the next I feel like I'm going to go into cardiac arrest. Lu Guang, I'm genuinely scared I'm going to have a heart attack and drop dead right here!"
Lu Guang pried his hands away from his face and replaced it with his own. "Cheng Xiaoshi, breathe."
Xiaoshi followed his words. The familiarity of doing so calmed him.
He placed his hands over Lu Guang's, breathing coming out in long and deep puffs.
"We'll go slow, okay?" Lu Guang placed a chaste kiss on his lips. "Light touches, gentle kisses."
Xiaoshi warmed under him. "Okay- Thank you."
"Anything for you, baby."
Xiaoshi shrieked, terrified at the word uttered by Lu Guang.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?"
"Ugh- You damn tease! Don't act so innocent!" Xiaoshi muttered, "I don't think I'm ever going to get used to this."
"Yeah? I think we have all the time in the world to get used to this. To us."
Xiaoshi looked up at him, just in time to catch a small smile on his face. It wrapped around his heart like a warm blanket.
He took Lu Guang's hands in his and intertwined their fingers.
He smiled.
"Maybe... I might never get used to all this lovey-dovey stuff, but I'm happy... because I already am and always have been used to loving you."
After all, the future might be uncertain, but the present was concrete. And in this present, Xiaoshi's love for Lu Guang was eternal.