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His tiny nervous hands scribble automatically on the thin paper, like them alone know the answer.
He double-checks the answer written on the last problem, adjusting the enormous glasses on his scrawny face. He’s sure, the two answers to find x^2 must be +1/2 and -1/2. Too easy.
Kisaki’s face detaches from the sheet of paper and his bright greyish eyes focus on the distant clock, right over the chalkboard. Technically he still has half an hour to finish the assignment, but he doesn’t need more time. He checked everything meticulously, plus he doesn’t have any sort of doubt over his answers.
He moves the chair to stand up and reach the teacher’s desk, but somehow the friction within the pavement and his chair’s legs cause a nerve-wrenching sound, making some of his classmates shift their eyes to his direction, giving an intimidating look that brings nothing but trouble. He’s been there, he knows what to expect.
“I’m sorry…” he whispers.
“Ugh, can you at least be silent, pencil neck?”
“Ssh Mimura, don’t talk to him or the four-eyed nerd will think you want to be friends with him.”
Kisaki slowly bows his head and goes straight to hand over his paper to the teacher. He’s not going to clap back to them even if he could. There’s no point in it besides getting in more trouble.
Their fate is also not up to him. Mimura and that other insignificant piece of scum, Usami, will get what they deserve, one day. They’re not particularly brilliant and they don’t put effort into what they study or their assignment. Their after-classes activities consist in doing nothing but wander around the same park, tormenting cats and small animals, or playing soccer with a rusty ball probably snitched from a convenience store. They have no perspective in life, they are already miserable and pointless, but he’s not gonna tell them that. He’s just a pathetic four-eyed nerd, right?
Oh but so brilliant.
“Kisaki-chan, done already? Well, not that I’m surprised.”
“Sensei, may I go to the toilet?” whispers with a thin, trembling voice.
“All right, but don’t run in the corridors.”
“Yeah don’t run, Kisaki-chan. You’ll break your tiny frail legs.” Scoffs Mimura. Others chuckle right after him.
Kisaki doesn’t want to stay a minute more in that classroom. As much as math is his favorite class to attend and likes to study he hates going to school. Mostly because of his peers. Always there to judge and be mean to him.
He did nothing wrong to them, so why do they dislike him? Why do they cut him out of their groups? Not that they would be the best company for him. He really doesn’t understand, and he’s not stupid, he knows he’s a prodigy. And he assumed everyone liked a prodigy like him. He doesn’t seem to understand people. Numbers are much easier to understand than people. He likes them, they speak to him as true friends would.
He also likes quiet places, quiet activities.
He likes to think alone. He likes a good book, puzzle games, math problems.
He likes to look at plants, even grow them, like that Pacific Wisteria hanging structure he installed in his back garden. Even his mother sketched a smile while looking at them. He liked his mother when he was younger. When she loved him as a mother would. Now she looks like the ghost of her mother, silently wandering in the house, doing the minimum effort to feed him and keep everything in order, and then off to work or wherever she goes during the day. Of his father he can say nothing at all, God knows where he is now. Kisaki is just aware of the emails with the same amount of money he sends once a month. Would he like him? From the one pictures his mother once made of him, he resembled him. A pair of cold grey eyes with glasses. He is a fine man.
He likes the taste of salted caramel ice cream. And he especially likes her…
But then again he hates everything else. He hates dogs that bark too much, he hates mint flavored things, he hates to sweat. He hates unrequited, messy things that don’t follow a plan, stupid people, mean people. He hates mean people so much.
A silent tear sheds from his eye, followed by many others “Oh no…”
He also hates crying in front of those mean people. He knows he’s a weak-looking kid, but damn he doesn’t want to make it that obvious!
“Kisaki-kun?”
This voice…
“Oh no, no…” whispers to himself. He can’t show himself like this. He quickly rubs the end of his blouse over his eyes, sniffing violently.
“Are you ok?” the voice is coming closer with a little jingling sound following the steps.
“Yes, thank you, Tachibana.”
“It doesn’t seem so. You’re…”
Kisaki stiffens his shoulders as she carefully poses a hand on his right one. He turns to look at her with red swollen eyes.
“What happened.” She sounds angrier than ever.
“Nothing really. The usual.” Says monotone, shifting balance with his feet.
“I don’t believe you, Kisaki-kun.” She puts on a pouty face.
“F-fine. You don’t have to worry about me anyway…”
“But you’re my friend. I worry for people I care about.”
See, this is why he likes her. Nobody worries about him, not even his parents.
He is alone with his numbers that never fail to reassure him. When he feels anxious he resorts to them.
For example: he still has 2 hours to finish the day and then off to cram school. The same goes for Hinata Tachibana, whose class is at the end of the corridor, approximately 30 meters from his. She’s always the first to exit school because she is the first to reach the school’s exit. In cram school there are 20 desks, but not so many people. 16, to be exact. Hinata reaches the class first for obvious reasons, and she usually sits next to the window, second row. Depending on Mizuki’s presence at cram school, which varies from day to day (usually on Friday there’s a 70% of probability for her to come, depending on her health issues) there’s a free desk next to her, second row, which Kisaki always, 100% of times, aims for.
That’s what keeps him going. Yes, to better his skills at cram school. But a huge part of him knows cram school would be completely different without her presence to light him up. He has a friend there. Someone that cares for him. And that’s too important for him to let it slip from his hands.
He cares for her too.
“That’s nice to hear... I do too.” Says him avoiding her eye contact, almost whispering into the wind the last part. He would love to scream he really likes her. That he would do anything for her. But has he the guts to do that? Has he the guts to really do anything for her?
“Well then tell me, who said what about you?”
“How do you know anyone said anything?”
“What?”
“Uhm…”
“I mean, in my class, there’s Mimura’s best friend… sometimes he comes to pay a visit. I hear them talk.” She blushes, scratching the side of her neck.
“Oh.”
“But don’t worry, I got you covered.”
“Don’t bother, if they find out you’re friend with me they’re going to pick on you too.”
“I can handle them. I do karate, you know?”
“Y-yes. That’s so cool Hinata…” he feels like his heart is in his throat, going to explode.
Of course he knows that. He knows everything there is to know about her already.
She chuckles, spinning around him and then looking back. The same jingle scratches the back of his brain so pleasantly every time she makes a step.
“I knew you cared about me too. See you at cram school?”
Kisaki’s bright eyes become possibly brighter. For once, he feels invincible.
“Of course. See you later, Hinata.”
Later that afternoon Kisaki finds himself sitting right where he wanted to, head bowed and nose immersed into the advanced math book.
It is summer and the window of the classroom is slightly open, letting a nice breeze surround the class.
That way he can feel Hinata’s peachy perfume on him, invading his nostrils and making his head light.
From time to time he shifts his eyes on her, just to remember how she looks like, to imprint her figure deep down in his mind.
“Uhh!” Hinata’s buff makes his head rise immediately from the surprise.
“I’m having troubles with this exercise…” she says almost talking to herself. She then looks at Kisaki with a doubtful expression, nodding at the book.
“Kisaki-kun, can I ask you to help me out? I can see you’ve already done that one.” Points out, blushing.
Kisaki’s heart stops. Never in a million years he thought she would ever ask him for advice.
“Uh, I… yes!” says him adjusting his glasses with a finger “Come closer.”
With that Hinata reaches his desk, planting her elbows near him with a pencil in her mouth and the cutest focusing face Kisaki had ever seen before. He starts scribbling on a new piece of paper, pointing out every passage like it’s a lullaby for little babies. Math truly has no secrets for him.
“Now you see here? We need to apply the formula we revised before.”
“Kisaki-kun you’re a genius! Thank you, I’ve finally understood! And sorry if I’ve bothered you. You were so into that exercise before…”
“No problem. It was useful to me too, revising old exercises.”
“Well then great!” giggles Hinata returning to her desk.
The last hour passes by and Kisaki feels happier than ever. The supervising teacher, after completing a round of control on everyone, fixes a flyer on the wall, right next to a giant poster with courtesy formulas written all over.
“Well kids, now you can go home. Remember to give your congratulations to Kisaki-chan!”
Kisaki lifts his head, looking worried for an explanation.
Hinata yeets herself to the flyer while the other kids abruptly reach the exit of the classroom. Nobody congratulated him on his achievement.
“Wow, you’re amazing Kisaki-kun! You placed first in the national mock exams, again!”
Kisaki collects his belongings, smiling timidly at Hinata: “Oh, just by accident.”
“Ooh… so humble.”
“Hina, let’s go.” Hinata’s friend is waiting for her on the doorstep, impatiently.
“Coming!”
Kisaki follows Hinata with his sleepy, emotionless eyes, slowly reaching the exit too. But he stops.
“How can you stand talking to him? He’s creepy.” Hinata’s friend scolds her.
Kisaki is not new to those cruel words. But he truly, deeply wishes to never hear them coming from her.
Please, if there’s a God, don’t let her say those things of me.
“Uh? Why? He’s a good kid.” Replies her seriously. He starts to breathe again, slowly following them.
“Smart kids like him seem heartless to me.”
But he has a heart. Maybe even bigger than all you bunch of idiots who hate on a kid for no good reason besides being quiet and academic.
The gates of the elementary school are getting closer and closer as Kisaki walks behind the two girls silently, watching his shoelaces dangling as he makes a step after another. Those shoelaces are too long, he’s going to stumble on them one day and make an embarrassment of himself, more than he is already.
Hinata and her friend are stationed right outside the gate, talking to each other.
Maybe there’s a thing he likes even more than cram school. His walk back home with her. It’s about 20 minutes from school and they spend it side by side, talking. Well, she does the most talking, Kisaki is afraid of saying things she might not like. If she starts despising him, it’s the end. And if she sees he likes her, like really much, maybe she would be disgusted.
Who would want to be with a boy that creepy, right? Silent with gloomy eyes scanning the surroundings, looking for her. Any detail of her life is precious to him, he treasures it like the rarest math formula.
He stops, clinging over his schoolbag as the girls finish their talk.
Hinata’s friend suddenly shifts her eyes onto him without a word.
“So, see you tomorrow Hina.”
She says it clearly worried. Almost disapproving of her behavior.
Kisaki looks back at her, piercing her soul with his greyish, glistening eyes.
“Bye bye! Kisaki-kun, let’s go!”
Kisaki feels the tip of his fingers tingle, almost as something terrible is going to happen. Suddenly he wants to go back at home as fast as possible. He feels like something wrong is gonna happen.
“Let’s take the short road, shall we?” asks him. There’s a shortcut, crossing a large park, that leads directly to their neighborhood without having to circle around a whole bunch of houses.
“Uh? Okay…” she seems surprised.
They start walking side by side and Kisaki is afraid Hinata will hear his heart pounding faster than normal.
“Kisaki-kun? Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“I don’t know why they are so mean to you. You are gentle and caring with me. There’s nothing more a person would ask in a friend.” She dangles her head, knocked out.
“I am used to it. People don’t like my presence, but I can’t do anything about it.”
“Mmm, maybe you should smile more! Sometimes you look spaced out and your mouth frowns. Like you’re really sad. I don’t want to see my friends sad, I would do anything to make them smile!”
He gives her a side-eye, sketching a little tiny smile.
She seems amused, in fact, she laughs “Yes! Like that!”
They both reach the park, Kisaki watching from afar a group of kids with a stick in their hands, poking something in the ground. What are they doing, grouped like that, watching the ground? Uh, people really are amused by anything really. Couldn’t be him, he’s a genius.
“Oh, this is unacceptable.” Grunts Hinata, accelerating towards them.
“Tachibana?”
“They’re bullying a poor little cat…”
True, how could he miss that detail? But what could he do? If he went up to them he would be beaten. He’s a loser no matter what, what’s the point in intervening against them? Hinata couldn’t do much more than him either.
Oh no. Now he sees them. Mimura and his friends. There's no way he's gonna stand up against them.
“It’s no use. You’ll get hurt… we should just go. Ta-Tachibana?”
She isn’t listening anymore; she is already far from him, approaching those morons.
Oh no, this is no good, this is trouble. He would love to make himself tiny like a bug and run away, not seen, right now. But would he do that knowing Hinata could get hurt? It's not a matter of possibility. She will get hurt, 100%. Those brainless idiots do not spare girls. He just knows.
His little legs freeze there, making him unable to take a step further, his heart still pounding like crazy.
“Hey!”
A voice comes from his back. Oh no, it’s one of the boys, it's Usami. No, it's Mimura? No, the voice doesn't match. Shit. They must have seen him, whoever he is, he’s ready to take him and beat the shit out of him.
Kisaki slowly looks back with the will of a god. No, it’s not one of them. He wasn’t in the bunch of those tormenting the cat. Another bully? A cousin of Mimura? Maybe they called for backup? Were they expecting company? He needs to relax in order to think clearly.
“What are you doing here?” asks the kid impertinent. It’s obvious what’s he doing there, he’s shit scared of them.
“W-what do you mean?”
If he had to attack him he would have done it before, when he had the surprise effect on his side. Not that Kisaki himself would stand up against him. He would still be beaten up by this random kid, even though he looks like a total dork himself.
“Aren’t you friend with that girl?”
Kisaki looks at Hinata, her ponytail wiggling up and down as she scolds the group of bullies. He cannot hear what she’s saying. He’s too far.
“Yes, I think so.”
“Well, you should help her, or she’ll get hurt.”
He is so upfront with him. He seems about his age, yet so mature.
“I can’t. Look at me..."
"What about it?"
"I'm weak, we’ll both end up beaten unconscious. Why don’t you do it?”
“Well, I suppose I’m weak too. I tried already being a hero. But I know she needs you right now. From a weak nerd to another… what do you have to lose?”
'What do I have to lose?'
Who is this kid? Why is he talking like he knows him... like he's been there before?
“Be her hero, Kisaki-kun. I’m sure she would appreciate that.”
“How do you…?” How does he know his name? He’s never seen him before. This is getting stranger and stranger, his rationality isn't able to process this conversation. But his instincts are telling him he kid's right.
What does he have to lose? He’s a loser already, right? He’s a mad creepy genius and a loser.
She needs a hero? That's what he has to do in order to not be alone? Be a hero.
He hears her sobbing. Mimura pushes her shoulder to make her lose balance.
“I’m a loser already, if I don’t go up to them I’ll lose her. And I don’t want to be alone.”
"Is it this then? You never wanted to be alone?"
"It's my biggest fear."
The kid suddenly smiles, like he finally understood something he wasn't able to figure out for years. Kisaki feels like a huge weight just shifted from that kid's shoulders. He could see that.
“Kisaki, be brave. Be good.”
“H-hey, punks!” He feels he’s about to vomit. He’s not doing a good impression at all “L-l-leave her alone!”
“Ew, what is this? Kisaki-chan coming to the rescue?!” scoffs Mizuki, a kid with an insane amount of freckles on his nose.
“Kisaki-kun…?” whispers Hinata with tears rolling down her cheeks. The cat escaped, so at least they accomplished something.
Kisaki holds his breath, then spits out everything, hiding his trembling hands in his pockets “Is your life this sad and miserable that your only goal is to torment poor animals and even girls?”
Those kids look at each other questioning what he just said.
“No, my life just got better actually, now I can beat you up too.” Mimura punches Kisaki right in the face, making his glasses fly far.
“Here you go, blind shit. What are you gonna do now?”
Kisaki flinches, breathing deeply with his mouth since his nose drips with blood. He doesn't see much now. But he's focused on Mimura's rotting shit brain.
“Leave us a-alonee.” He snaps from his position, running towards his bully, but the shoelaces betray him, tangling up and making him lose balance and fall on his knees.
They all burst into hysterical laughs, almost resembling hyenas. Mimura comes closer, lowering himself to Kisaki's face "What a fucking loser. Who would ever be your friend? I just hope you're not doing all this to impress the girl there... because I know she is ashamed right now. Always creeping up on her. Stupid incel."
"You know nothing at all." Kisaki feels the rage pumping in his veins, going through every cell of his being. It's automatic, spontaneous: he punches the kid back in the nose. He could perfectly see him from this close. Mimura takes a step back, whining and covering his nose.
“The little shit has guts!” grunts Usami in the back.
"Yeah, he told me even losers like us can stand up and become our own heroes."
“What the fuck is he talking about?"
"Who knows...Let’s make him spit his guts out, eh eh…”
One at a time they all use him as their personal punching bag.
Kisaki never got beaten up that badly. In the end, he feels like he went under a truck.
But eventually, they got bored and went away. Hinata was there, she was still with him, and she helped him reach his home. She expressed gratitude with eyes he has never seen before. She was not ashamed, because he did something good, something different. He showed to her, to himself, he could be a hero.
And that kid? He was the strangest thing that happened to him in a long time. He would love to meet him again. Another loser, like him. They would become friends, he could feel it.
He wouldn’t be alone ever again, alone with his numbers.