Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Your head felt empty and hazy, like that half asleep state where you can’t tell dreams from reality. You fumbled, trying to get up, only for an impossibly strong yet gentle hand to force you back into whatever you were lying on. Soft, it was soft. Could it be a bed, or a cot if some sort? The only way to know would be opening your eyes. As much as the curiosity beckoned you, it was so soft here… so warm… Your hands felt whatever you were lying on, it was incredibly smooth and pliable. Soon, you began to drift off into sleep again.

“Batcat, hurry up! We must finish the experiment before the human wakes!” Licorice whisper-yelled, the aforementioned servant coming forth with various containers. Licorice had finally, finally had managed to capture one of the humans, dangerous fleshy creatures that were capable of eating cookies. Strangely, when he had snuck into the kingdom to spy on that traitor, Dark Choco, there was a human wandering amongst the cookies. They didn’t seem to be going on a reign of terror and eating everything. Nor did their head scrape the sky as the stories described, they were just slightly taller than him, which he completely detested.

Upon noticing you grunt a little bit and try to get up, Licorice pushed you back down onto the floor. Smartly, he had decided beforehand to put a few blankets down. The sleeping spell was beginning to wear off however, so he had to work quickly. Perhaps if Dark Enchantress Cookie looked over his completed findings, she’d accept him as a valued member of the team at last. Grabbing the containers Batcat had brought him, he began his work.

Once he was done, he now had a few samples of human material. Mostly whatever was growing on top of their head. It felt strange and smooth, but also stuck to him in the most irritating way. He also had acquired snippets of the strange clothing substitute. It wasn’t made of durable frosting or melted jelly, it was far stretchier and felt quite soft. His own robes were made of a special type of jelly that almost flowed around him like shadow, comfortable and stylish. The human mumbled again, eyes blinking open and shut. He had to store his findings swiftly, and find Brute to guard them. As small as the human was, he had examined their mouth and whatever strange teeth they had certainly looked painful. In fact, whatever else was in their mouth was acidic, and almost burnt his hand.

When you at last opened your eyes, the world around you was dark. There was only soft orange light coming from a few candles in the room, judging by the consistent flickering. This wasn’t the cookie kingdom that had welcomed you, despite being the thing that was supposed to bring about the apocalypse and devour their entire existence. You slowly rose to your knees, observing the room. It then occurred to you that this room had an absurdly large cake monster with a hammer in it, observing you. It looked like a chocolate werewolf, if you were being honest.

“Where am I?” The cake monster looked at you. It felt like an eternity before it decided to answer.

“Master’s… uh, house?” This did not look like a house. It looked more like a lab of some sort, or even an archive with the folders on pretzel shelves, stuffed with edible paper.

“Who is your master?”

“Name is Licorice. No questions.” The grim looking Dark Chocolate had mentioned him at least once or twice, usually in a complaint. Maybe whoever he was, was a part of the past Dark Chocolate had been trying to escape by coming to the kingdom? You fully rose to your feet, intent on exploring the room. There was water in a glass on a table near where you woke up. This distracted you instantly, and you reached over to grab and examine it. How had they gotten water outside the tropical soda islands? And why wasn’t it melting this presumably sugar glass? You wanted answers, but you wanted water more, so you drank it. The taste was not unlike the slightly sweet water Princess Cookie had given you, after discovering you needed fluids to stay alive.

Nothing much else was in this side of the room, aside from a bit of storage and of course the literal cake monster in the room. When you tried to look past it, or even walk to the other part of the room, it would push you back slightly with a large paw.

“Not there. Master said stay here and wait.”

“But why? I can’t possible be a threat to a dark mage.” The werehound seemed to consider it before remembering he had orders.

“No. Stay here, and stop questions!” You pouted a bit, before sitting down on the blanket pile. It wasn’t made of sticky sugar, it almost felt like it was made of silk. But that wasn’t possible in a world like this, right?

Licorice had presented his findings to Pomegranate, becoming irritated when all the gave him for recognition was a small and generic ‘suitable.’ Did she not realize how dangerous humans were? Even when they were asleep, they had managed to wound him by being completely immobile! He even had the tiny crack to prove it, after his dough had dried up from the liquefying venom.

“Pomegranate! This is the last time I’m asking!” She sighed deeply, turning to face him.

“What. Do. You. Want.”

“An audience with the Enchantress herself, obviously. Do you have cotton candy for a brain? I’ve only been asking for the past minute!” Pomegranate rolled her eyes.

“And I told you, our queen is weak. We only brought her back a few weeks ago, and so far she only trusts me to tend her. So what is so important that you not only need to bother me, but you need to bother her?”

“Excuse you, I happen to have captured a human. Does this not impress you?”

“If it were one of the humans to devour Earthbread and bring about the end times, yes. But judging by your past failures, I would say it isn’t very impressive. I’ll make sure to let her know in my daily report, but you will not have an audience.” Licorice made a scoffing noise, before drawing the sleeves on his robes back, revealing the slight crack in his hand.

“What’s this supposed to be? Did you accidentally grab your scythe the wrong way again?”

“That happened one time, Pomegranate, one time. The human has acidic saliva that can cause dough to melt near instantly, and teeth that could break limbs off.”

“Your point?”

“We can use this as a weapon, you dense, flour filled-“ Pomegranate shot him a warning glare with her impossibly red eyes. Even Licorice, in his contempt of her, knew to not push it.

“Perhaps this isn’t so useless. Have your servants bring them to me for further examination.” Licorice stalked off down the hall, shooting one last glare over his shoulder before allowing himself to smile wickedly. Finally, he’d be getting the recognition he deserved.

Chapter Text

Licorice strided down the absurdly long hallways towards his… lab? Room? Research facility? It didn’t really have a proper name, considering it had once been an old storage room. Of course the other cookies would presume to give him the worst loving quarters out of everyone here. He hoped Brute had managed the human well, but he hadn’t ever seen them act aggressive. Even in the few moment before the sleeping spell took full effect, they hadn’t attempted to attack him, or even resist. They just smiled the slightest bit before collapsing onto the ground, ready to be carried. Anything else he had acquired for his experiments or research ended up attacking him and his servants rather ferociously.

Upon reaching the door, he opened it a crack, and cautiously peered through it. The human hadn’t completely destroyed his quarters, nor had it gone past the area he set up for them. Brute had done his job well enough, it seemed. He opened the door fully, stepping through and into the room.

“Brute? I’m back. You are relieved of du-“ The human was sitting next to the chocolate werehound, his hammer leaning on the wall behind him. The human was teaching Brute how to play War with a deck of gingerbread cards. It seemed Brute was quite enjoying the lesson, at least until he noticed his master’s glare.

“I gave you specific orders not to fraternize with the human! Yet here you are, playing cards with them!”

“Told me to ‘not talk to them.’ Talking to me.” Brute pointed out the slight loophole in the command. Licorice sighed loudly, walking forwards and grabbing the cards out of Brute’s paws.

“Batcat! Come here and help Brute put these away!” The skeletal like bat flew into the room, grabbing a few of the cards right out of the human’s hands. Luckily, they didn’t retaliate.

“While you two clean up the mess, think about your choices, Brute. As for you, you’re coming with me.” Licorice was hesitant to approach the human when fully conscious. Sure, they passed up the opportunity to attack both his servants, but they weren’t the ones who had captured them. He couldn’t have them asleep for Pomegranate, but having them fully aware and conscious might be a bad idea.

“I can’t follow you if you’re staring into space.” Licorice stared at them, stunned for a brief moment before his expression went back to the usual annoyed grimace.

“Shut up. And stay there.” Licorice walked towards the back, looking through various potions he had nicked and crafted. There had to be a calming one strong enough for a human somewhere in here. He flicked past bottle after bottle, glancing at the hastily scrawled labels. He really should improve his writing, honestly. It would make finding things far easier.

“So, why’d you kidnap me? Aren’t I supposed to be an apocalyptic demon that eats you all? Hell, why aren’t you terrified of me? The other cookie in the kingdom ran from me at first, and took close to a month to get used to me.” Licorice grabbed the strongest bottle of the potion he had, hopping down from the stool.

“To answer the first, it’s quite frankly none of your business. The other cookies in your former kingdom are only scared of you because they’re all weaklings who think the power of friendship is enough.” Licorice was still slightly nervous around them of course, but this human seemed a bit too dopey to be much of a threat.
“I’m the one you kidnapped, it’s 100% my business, you gothic twat.” Licorice’s cloak flared at this, the shadow like jelly bubbling with his anger. He forced it to calm down, taking in a slow inhale.

“How about you shut up before I put you to sleep again? And drink this.” He shoved the bottle into their hands. It was made of candied glass, strong enough to not dissolve in water. Even the human’s venom probably couldn’t get through this. The cork was made of a sturdy wafer, packed down tight and rounded.

“And why should I? Could be poison.”

“If I wanted to murder you, it would have been done already.”

“Same goes for you.” They grumble a bit.

“But fine.”

The human eyed the bottle, flashing those strangely white teeth he had found earlier, and bit the top of the bottle off. Bit it. The glass didn’t even cut their lips at all as they chewed it and the cork, the material eventually vanishing out of their mouth. Probably went to some sort of digestive system, like a cake hound’s or something. Grabbing the bottle around the middle, they brought it to their mouth and swallowed some, cringing at the over sweet taste.

“I’m not drinking a single sip more of this. Disgusting.” Licorice would take what he could get with this human at this point. Already, he liked them far better when they were sleeping. They couldn’t be smug and annoying when they were unconscious. He walked over to them, snatching the bottle and setting it down on his desk.

“You’ve wasted enough of my time. Now follow me before I have to make you.” The human follows him this time without snarky remarks or complaint, thankfully. He leads them through the twisting halls of the base, towards a very impatient looking Pomegranate Cookie. Her red eyes were narrowed into an intimidating glare directed at Licorice, though nothing else about her professional demeanour had changed.

“So, this is the human? Rather unimpressive.” She walked over, voice just as icy as her personality. What Licorice wouldn’t give to see that break, even just a little…

“I agree, Licorice is unimpressive.” Pomegranate actually laughed at that, before covering her mouth to appear more serious.

“Perhaps you will be useful to our queen’s plans after all. Licorice, what did you say they could do again?” He grumbled a bit. No one except him and the Enchantress had so much as an iota of intelligence.

“They happen to have venom, like I told you several times already. Naturally produced and in quite large amounts, too. I even saw them eat part of a glass bottle like an idiot, but they’re somehow unharmed.”

“Wait, venom? What venom?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, I’ve felt it myself. Naturally produced by your mouth, it dissolves dough and most sugars.” The human smiles, then chuckles, and it soon progresses into full on laughter.
“Oh- pffffffffft- hehe- heh-“ They take an inhale.

“BAHAHHAHAHA-“ Pomegranate fixes them both with a glare.

“What’s so funny?”

“Ohhhhh, man… my saliva isn’t venom! It just help humans eat things. That doesn’t just mean cookies, but I suppose it would function like that for you. How’d you know about it?”

“I took samples for research. It could be a viable weapon, Pomegranate.”

“Nasty. Are you seriously trying to weaponize spit? I think a middle schooler would do that better, honestly.”

“Silence, human. You will not meddle in affairs you don’t now enough about.” Pomegranate looks to the human, giving a warning they don’t heed.

“But you’re both trying to use my biological… uhh, stuff as weapons. Why are you even doing it anyway? What’re you attacking? I’m getting some seriously evil vibes from both of you.” The human crosses their arms. Licorice begins to explain, but Pomegranate cuts him off.

“You will be contributing to a most noble task. The defence of Dark Enchantress Cookie, our queen. Of course, once your use is exhausted, I’ll let Licorice do as he pleases with you.”

“Sounds pretty evil.”

“It may seem evil to a soft cookie from the kingdom, but there is no task more honourable than contributing to our queen’s grand return. We’re not asking anything too taxing of you. We might not even need your venom at all. Rather, the fear you cause. Any cookie who never met you, and ginkgoblins wouldn’t dare bother a human, for fear of bringing about the end times.”

“And what happens when I refuse? What then?” Pomegranate grins in the way that sends ripples of anxiety through Licorice’s dough.

“We have methods of… coercing you should we need.”

“Fffffiiiine. I’ll think it over.” The human was not intending to think it over at all, rather escape and warn their decidedly not evil cookie friends. Pomegranate takes the lie though, smiling.

“I’ve seen more than enough. Do what you will with them, Licorice, so long as they remain unharmed.” Pomegranate dismisses them both with a wave. He hated when she did that, it felt like he was a little kid getting dismissed by his teacher again.

“Come along, human.”

“I have a name, you know.”

“Do I look like I care? Follow me.” They make an exaggerated sigh, before skidding along the floor up to him. Licorice’s complaint entry would be long today, he knew for certain.

Chapter Text

To put it simply, you were bored out of your mind. Licorice had forbidden his servants from interacting with you for some stupid reason, and he was sitting at his desk supposedly doing work. You had been told to stay on your side of the area, which contained exactly nothing entertaining. Just a small pile of blankets, that empty glass of water from earlier, and some shelves that had been cleared. Not like you had anything to put on them, considering you had been kidnapped against your will. With nothing else to do, you entertained yourself with your mind.

Licorice sat at his desk, sugar quill pen in hand as he wrote in his diary. The human had actually bought his lie that he’d been ‘recording his findings.’ He’d never written in the same room as anyone else, which was slightly nerve-wracking. Not at all the usual mood of his entries, frustrated for a bit and then satisfied. Quickly glancing over at the human to make sure they weren’t looking at him, he noticed they were entirely unresponsive and staring at the wall. He put the quill to the paper, and began hastily scratching out that day’s complaints.

First was Pomegranate, obviously. She had done nothing but refuse to take him seriously, along with refusing to acknowledge how impressive his capture of a human was. Rather, she seemed far more interested in talking to them than him, which irritated Licorice to no end. He was the necromancer who had given life to the cake monsters at their gates, and there was no way a single human would do that job as well as his servants. Then the human, consistently sassing him instead of just following directions to get the torture of speaking with Pomegranate over with. As much as he wanted to earn hers and the Enchantress’ respect, she really made it near impossible some days. The human hadn’t helped him at all, rather actively hindering him.

Licorice grumbled a bit, making a few doodles along the side of both the human and Pomegranate. He wondered if they’d ever be useful in the way he had originally thought. It seemed Pomegranate had other plans.

“So, what’re you writing?” Licorice jumped slightly, before hunching over the wet ink to hide it. It wasn’t dry yet, so closing the book simply wasn’t an option. He’d rather risk stains to his robe than have this fleshy cretin know about what he thought of Pomegranate and possibly tell her.

“It’s none of your beeswax.” The human, much to his horror, jumps off the bed and walks closer to him.

“I just wanna know if you’re cataloguing my spit as ‘venom’ like an idiot.”

“I’m the least idiotic person in this entire castle.”

“You didn’t deny being an idiot, though.” Licorice sputters for a moment, before glaring at the human with his single exposed eye.

“Shut up! And stop being so annoying!” The human tries to peer over his shoulder at the work, and Licorice covers it with his sleeves.

“What’s so personal in that report that you won’t let me read it? I mean, it’ll be more accurate if a human proofreads the facts about humans or whatever you have there.” They would have a valid point, if what he had written was actually a research document for his archive. However, that was not the case. Were this pretty much anyone else, he’d have summoned servants to push them away, but turning this insignificant squabble into a physical altercation was a horrible idea. Licorice would have to settle with telling them a version of the truth so they’d back off and let him write in peace.

“It’s a log entry, and for Earthbread’s sake, just shut up and sit in the corner of something.”

“So it’s a diary then?”

“I suppose.” The human however, didn’t seem satisfied at all. In fact, that seemed to have piqued their curiosity. Now they were standing uncomfortably close to him, evidently trying to sneak a peek at the contents of the diary.

“Stop trying to look at my di- logbook. Don’t make me summon servants to restrain you!”

“You realize I can just eat anything you throw at me, right?” They had a point. Despite not being a giant, his servants were rather small and he wouldn’t put it past someone who ate candied glass to refrain from doing the same to his servants. Licorice sighed loudly, glancing down at the ink. It wasn’t shiny anymore, but it could still smudge.

“That’s what I thought.” Licorice gave a look to the human.

“I have a scythe, you know. I might need to put it to use if you keep mouthing off to your superior.”

“How are you my superior? You’re literally a cookie.”

“Might I remind you that I managed to capture you without having injury of any sort?”

“What if I let you capture me?”

“You’re just saying that to defend your fragile ego.” Licorice swiped a hand over the ink, and at last it came back unsmudged. He quickly slammed the book shut, setting it on a shelf near his desk. He could hide it later, when the human fell asleep. Being a cookie, he didn’t need any.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have something far better to do then exchange banter with a useless piece of flesh.” Licorice turned away from them, grabbing a stool to reach his highest shelf and setting the diary there behind a stack of papers. He then pulled a sheet or two off the shelf, setting them on the desk before hopping off the stool with grace. He most certainly did not almost trip on his cloak. Sitting down, he began writing out potential uses for the human.

You had found a cure for your boredom in annoying Licorice, but it seemed he had a rather low tolerance for fun. Now he was muttering choice words under his breath and writing something on a sheet of paper, occasionally glancing in your direction to ensure you hadn’t done anything. Flopping back down onto your pile of blankets, you began to consider your options for escape. Your cookie friends had surely noticed you were gone, but you had a hunch that wherever this was, they wouldn’t find it without some help. Not like you knew any sort of magic, either. Really, the only thing that kept you protected was the superstition around humans.

You couldn’t just keep threatening to eat things. Humans were not all-devourers with unlimited stomach capacity like some cookies thought, and eating definitely slowed you down quite a bit. Aside from that, the only advantage you really had was the fact that you were largely three dimensional. Cookies were too, but their bodies couldn’t have been thicker than your arm. Even if you did manage to escape, how would you find your way back to the kingdom without dying of thirst? As far as you knew, the only potable water this place had was the stuff from the tropical soda islands, which were likely days away from you. That left two options, really. Staying with the evil cookies and joining them for survival’s sake, or stalling for time until you found out if escape was at all possible. The only thing for certain was that your life was about to change, for better or worse.

“Pomegranate isn’t a patient cookie. You can’t stall her forever, I should know.”

“…and why might you know that?”

“Experience, of course.”

“That’s the first time you haven’t responded to a question with ‘none of your buisness.’” Licorice didn’t respond, instead going back to his nearly completed notes.

“Don’t go getting a big head. I’m still your superior, after all.” He put the now drying paper aside. The human simply snorted mockingly, but didn’t respond. Perhaps he was slowly garnering their respect after all.

Chapter Text

Pomegranate felt very privileged, considering Dark Enchantress Cookie trusted her, and only her, to remain in charge of their group while she was restored to strength. Not only that, but she was selected to be the one to tend to the Enchantress’ every need and whim. Satisfaction filled her at the thought that no one else was trusted to complete these tasks, just her. Even if it made it difficult at times without help, the Enchantress’ trust was worth far more than a couple of inconveniences. Like now, she was just about to give her daily report on the cookies, except that something far more interesting had happened rather than their usual spying and preparations.

Licorice had captured a human, without direction. Initially she was quite furious, how stupid could he be to bring such a powerful monster here while their Enchantress was recovering? However, she was soon surprised after meeting them. They weren’t some huge monster like the stories had described, rather just a small amount taller than her and Licorice. It turned out that they naturally produced something that could melt cookie dough and cake monster fur, on top of being very sturdy. Humans supposedly had impenetrable skin and a strong internal layer of supports, called ‘bones.’ Even ginkgoblin bombs would be near useless against them, because they relied on the crumbling of a wounded cookie. Pomegranate didn’t know what happened when a human was injured, but they certainly wouldn’t flake away into cookie crumbs.

Approaching the Enchantress’ personal tower, she pulled herself out of her thoughts. Reaching a hand up to give a polite knock, Pomegranate waited for permission to step inside.

“Pomegranate? Are you here with the daily report?”

“Of course, my queen.” She heard a small click, and opened the now unlocked door. The Dark Enchantress herself was sitting at a dark roll cake table, smooth and perfectly carved. Pomegranate shut the door behind her, shuffling over to the table. The small gems on her robes clinked as she walked.

“May I sit?”

“Certainly. What news do you bring?”

“Well, let us start with the more generic things…”

Licorice stared at the human on the blanket pile. Their eyes were closed and their breathing was slowing down, just like the sleeping spell. However, they occasionally would grunt or even shift around, expressions changing every now and then. Was this how a human naturally slept, when not stimulated by magic? Or was this some sort of acting, pretending to be asleep so he would drop his guard? Licorice had no way to be certain, but he refused to be fooled by the likes of them. He slowly sat up from his desk, grabbing the stool and sat it down gently near his desk. Climbing onto it silently, he retrieved the diary from the top shelf, setting it on his desk.

This time, he didn’t hop off. If they weren’t faking sleep, that would certainly jar them out of it. Licorice liked them far better when they weren’t insulting him and asking more questions than a freshly baked cookie. He slowly climbed off the stool, setting it to the side. Grabbing his diary, he slowly and quietly walked over to one of his many cabinets. If his memory serves correctly, this one was full of notes about healing magic, something he had never really managed to learn. There was no way the human would be able to search it even if he and his minions were gone for some reason. Hundreds of somewhat bent but stacked papers filled it. Licorice silently pulled a few out, shoving the diary between them. Now they’d never find it. Glancing over at the human to make sure their eyes were still closed, he closed the cabinet and walked back to his desk. When asleep, the human traded off entertainment value for peacefulness, it seemed.

“Now, something intriguing and useful happened today.”

“Oh?”

“Licorice managed to capture a human from that cookie kingdom, of all things.” The Enchantress’ eyes grew wide.

“How did he manage such a thing? His magic is weaker than anyone else’s in this entire castle.”

“It turns out that humans are not immortal and invulnerable bringers of the apocalypse, or so we have found by example. This one seemed almost tired and dare I say, sassy and flippant.”

“Well, that certainly is strange. Why might Licorice decide to bring one here? Do they have a use of some sort?” The Enchantress was leaning forwards, seeming far more powerful with the glint of interest in her eyes.

“If we can either force or convince them, a human at the gates will prevent any unwelcome guests. Most everything here is scared of a human, including the pesky ginkgoblins and those cookies from the kingdom. Maybe a few of their friends wouldn’t be, but even those cookies aren’t so stupid as to stage a blind attack on our stronghold.” The Enchantress smiled at this.

“Good, Pomegranate. Have you managed this yet?”

“I gave them time to think the proposition over.”

“That’s time I don’t have. The next time you see them, make certain they’re useful.” Pomegranate nodded.

“Is there anything else you require?” The Enchantress shook her head.

“You are dismissed, Pomegranate.” She rose from the chair, giving a quick bow to her superior before walking out the door, closing it behind her. The lock clicked back into place soon after.

You blinked a bit, staring up at a ceiling. It was far darker than your residence in the cookie kingdom…

“Finally awake, hmm?” Ah, that nasally voice from yesterday was in fact, not a dream. You internally sighed at this not-revelation.

“Well, excuse me for requiring sleep like a normal human being.”

“That’s not how you talk to someone who brought you food.”

“This entire room is food. If I was really in need, I would have eaten the wall.” Licorice makes a disgusted noise, and there’s a clattering noise to your right. He calls for Brute to guard you, then removes his bone-scythe from its slot on the wall and leaves. Perhaps your wall remark had more weight than you thought.

You sat up, glancing at what he had brought you. It seemed to be a soup of some sort, red with some sort of blobs floating in it. Next to it was a piece of toast. You hesitantly grabbed the spoon in the bowl, bringing a small amount to your lips. It was reminiscent of the hot jelly stew from the kingdom, excepting the fact that it was thinner and less chunky. You weren’t sure if you liked the difference.

Chapter Text

Licorice hurried down the hallway towards where he knew Pomegranate would be at this hour. He just had to convince her not to remove his servants from their posts if the human agreed. He didn’t think he could leave the duty of protection to an untrustworthy human. Pomegranate for some reason, liked the idea. His licorice servants were far more fragile and weak, sure enough, but they hadn’t had an invasion in months, close to a year. They could spread out, and they only had one human. Besides, who says the human wouldn’t just leave once they were let outside?

Pomegranate was sitting on a bench in their garden, taking only the shortest break from her duties around the castle. Upon noticing Licorice, she audibly groaned.

“Oh, what is it now, Licorice? This had better be important for interrupting my break.”

“When the human chooses or is coerced into guarding our main entrance, I don’t think we should remove my servants.”

“And why is that? At that point, they’re just wasted magic. You can tell them to guard our auxiliary door, but I highly doubt that’ll be necessary. No one knows about that door but us, so it would be counterproductive. You’d just end up showing the enemy where to go. Now, is there anything else you wish to say?” Pomegranate’s words were clipped and short, not her normal cool and professional tone.

Licorice didn’t respond, instead walking back to his quarters, slowly this time. Shortly after, Pomegranate rose from the bench, following him.

“What do you want?”

“Nothing from you. Dark Enchantress Cookie wishes for the human to be useful now. There’s no point in playing to their wants when we know they aren’t as strong as the stories say, especially considering that your simple sleeping spell was able to incapacitate them. However, most other cookies and cake monsters don’t know that.” Pomegranate picked up her pace, walking faster than Licorice’s irritated shuffle. Soon, she reached his quarters, opening the door a crack and peering inside.

The human was presumably in the pile of blankets, considering the rather large lump in the middle of them. Pomegranate strided over, whipping the top layer off. The human didn’t attack them, rather tried to grab the blanket and pull it back onto them.

“Human. Get up.”

“And why should I?”

“You don’t need more sleep, if you went to bed at a reasonable time.” Pomegranate scolded, pulling the rest of the blankets off the now cold and grouchy looking human.

“Dark Enchantress Cookie requires that you guard the front entrance.” The human looked like they were ready to decline or make some witty remark, before surprisingly saying yes. Pomegranate blinked a few times, slightly confused.

“Is this some sort of trick?” Pomegranate failed to notice the pouty looking Licorice entering the room from behind her, sitting at his desk and slouching.

“Why would you think that? Remember, you gave me time to think it over. I concluded that you’re likely the only source of water within walking distance, so escaping or resisting would likely result in my untimely death due to thirst. It’s simple. Besides, all I have to do is stand there, right? Pretty boring, but easy.”

“You’ve made the wise choice, human. Follow me.” Pomegranate begins walking out of the room, motioning for the human to do the same. She led them through a few corridors, until they came across an elaborate entryway. It maintained their normal dark and warm color palate, but there were some flecks of navy blue in the tile patterning, leading to where they had come from. The doors were large and grand looking, you watched with slight satisfaction at seeing Pomegranate struggling to push one open. Soon enough, she managed it, and you stepped out into the much lighter tones of the outside for the first time in days.

You still didn’t know how they possibly had sunlight here, but you enjoyed it anyways. It warmed your skin far better than the blankets that had been rudely torn off of you earlier by Pomegranate. Lost in thought, you didn’t notice the little licorice rolls nearby. They ran up to you, pointing little swords and looking at Pomegranate.

“No, you can’t kill the human. They’re going to guard the front door for today.” The rolls seemed confused for a brief moment, before lowering their sharp candy swords and running off to separate parts of the door. They had very strange glowing purple eyes, making them seem scarier than they should be, considering they were just under two feet in height. You could probably kick one like an overlarge soccer ball, if you felt the need.

“I will come fetch you when you’re done for the day. You already know the consequences for escaping, so I won’t bother going over them.” You nodded, and Pomegranate turned around, walking inside.

You weren’t sure how the sun worked here, so there was no way for certain to tell the time. You didn’t even have a watch from where you came from, and cookies didn’t seem to live on a schedule constantly like humans did. It was both confusing and a welcome change. Sitting down, you prepared yourself for what would likely be a long and boring day without an end in sight.

Maybe your friends would find and rescue you from death by stagnation.

“Arf!” You snapped out of your daze, looking down to see… a cake hound? It was small and triangular, not at all like brute or other cake wolves you had seen. In fact, it probably wasn’t bigger than the licorice rolls, which were presently squabbling with one another in a language you couldn’t understand. A warm something touched your leg, and you noticed your pant leg now had a streak of frosting on it. The cake hound had licked you. Ew.

“Arrrrf!” However, it was possibly the most adorable thing you had seen since coming here, so you’d let it slide, just this once. It yapped a few times, running around and chasing a few of the licorice rolls. This wasn’t like the predatory and hunting behaviour that you’d seen from other cake hounds out in the wild. Maybe this one was a pet? No, it was too small to be of any use, and the cookies that lived here weren’t ones to hold on to the useless. The playful way it acted, it was almost like…

It was a cake hound pup. A rather friendly one too, considering most cake hounds were either afraid of you or tried to eat you. Was there parents nearby? You had no way of knowing, but contented yourself with that fact that cake hounds had only hardened frosting for teeth, and therefore couldn’t kill you. Maybe you wouldn’t be bored after all, considering the show in front of you. The rolls seemed to be friends with the cake hound, with how they never attacked it in retaliation for its playful nips. In fact, they took turns chasing one another around. If this was the security before you got here, it was a miracle they hadn’t been invaded before now.

Chapter Text

Licorice sat in his desk, furiously scribbling in his diary. He really didn’t know what he was writing, persay. The world was slightly fuzzy with anger, and he felt like his limbs were being puppeteered by some strange force as he wrote. Gradually, words filled the blank page, perching on the lines. Doodles appeared on the margins, and finally, he was done. Licorice leaned back against his chair, stretching. He felt a little better now that he had gotten these thoughts on paper, but still couldn’t shake the feeling of being unneeded. Whatever. It would pass, it always did.

“Strawberry! Have you seen the human anywhere? I haven’t seen them in days!” Gingerbrave had already searched the entire kingdom over the last day, and no one had seen their strange but welcome new addition. The last news was from Wizard Cookie, who had eaten lunch with them two or so days ago. In a kingdom this large, it wasn’t strange to not see people for days at a time, due to movements around the kingdom. However, this human wasn’t employed, so they didn’t move around much. In fact, they normally sticked to just one or two areas on the outskirts of the kingdom. Sometimes, they’d go on little exploration missions to the forest, but they always left a note or some clue about when they’d be back and where they had gone!

“Uhh, no, now that you mention it. Maybe they went on another forest mission and forgot to leave a note?”

“They never forget to leave notes, especially if they’ll be gone this long!”

“Maybe we should go looking for them, then?” Gingerbrave nodded.

“I’ll go get Wizard Cookie and Custard.” He ran off in the direction of their friends, who were presently eating lunch together at the Jampie Diner. Strawberry watched from out of earshot as Gingerbrave explained animatedly what the problem was. Soon after, they both rose from their seats, running in the direction of Strawberry.

“As a king, I have a duty to protect my citizens.”

“It would make the most sense to check the roads out of the kingdom for suspicious tracks, first. Then we follow said tracks, and easy-peasy, the human should be there.” Wizard fiddled with his hat for a moment, before gesturing towards the main road.

“I’ll check that one, and I assume the rest of you are competent enough to search the others.” He walked off towards the road, frosted robes swishing behind him.

Gingerbrave went to a road for walks that the human frequented, and the others selected one of the three trade roads. He tried his best to be certain they’d find the human soon, but a more pessimistic voice told him that the human might be gone forever.

You sat on the steps of the castle. The cake hound pup had long since stopped chasing the licorice rolls around, having run off nearby. Likely to wherever its parents were. The licorice rolls themselves seemed half relieved and half disappointed, returning to their posts. You couldn’t tell how long you had been out here, but it was long enough that the sun was much lower in the sky. Had it been a day or so, assuming that whatever the sun was here followed the same rules you had back home? That wasn’t a very safe assumption, considering everything here was made of sugar. You idly wondered if the moon was actually cheese here, and snorted at the thought.

“…what’s that castle doin here…?”

“…dunno, but it looks full of-“ You snapped your head in the general direction of the voices, standing up. The licorice servants were already running about, looking to find whatever spoke and presumably kill it.

“Hey. Hey guys. Stay here and defend the doors, I’ll go check it out.” One of them, the biggest one of them, glared at you with those impossibly purple eyes. It chittered something in its own language, pointing its sharp sword at you. It then reluctantly called over its friends in the same language, and they waddled menacingly towards the front door, holding their swords out. You walked towards where you heard the voices, and suddenly two… things? Popped out from behind a bush. They were both green, wearing bandannas. One had a knife and the other had what looked to be a weaponized cinnamon bun.

“GYAAA! A human!” The one with the cinnamon bun on its back shot a sticky substance out of its gun at you. It clung to your arms, almost like some sort of spiderweb. You tore it off without much problem, however.

“Who are you?” The two green people didn’t bother answering, and soon ran away. Behind you, the licorice rolls made loud chirping noises, presumably taunting the enemy. Well, that was anticlimactic. It seemed Pomegranate was right. Almost everything that lived here was terrified of you.

As if summoned by the mere thought of her, a door opened and out stepped Pomegranate.

“Human. Your job is done for the day.” You walked over to the door, walking past her and not even sparing a glance. You were hungry, and the plants outside weren’t very tasty. Wandering, you were intercepted by none other than… Licorice.

“What are you doing, wandering around here?”

“I’m hungry, and it turns out that not everything is delicious despite being edible.”

“Idiot. Follow me, I was just about to make dinner for my servants anyways.” Licorice scoffs at you, before walking away. You follow him, and you end up in some sort of dining room. There’s one dark roll cake table in the middle, with small stools around it. You take a seat at one of them, finding it uncomfortable.

“Stay there and don’t do anything.”

“You saying that makes me want to do something.” Licorice ignored you, shuffling through the pantry for something to eat. He decided on some sort of candied pasta, setting it on the counter. He then grabbed a pot, and filled it with water from a tap. Seems cookies did figure out modern plumbing. Grabbing a spoon, he set the now full pot of water on a stove, muttering something. A fire lit underneath it, and soon the water was boiling. Licorice dumped the pasta into the pot, strirring it around for a moment.

“How has that pot not melted? Or the stove, for that matter?”

“It’s enchanted, along with being made of strong and durable materials. I doubt even you could take a bite out of this.”

“Bet I could.”

“Don’t you dare test that theory.” Licorice stirred the pasta again.

“How’d you light a fire?”

“This is the last question you get to ask before I make you shut up.” You snickered.

“I cast a spell, now no more questions!” Licorice got out a strainer for the pasta, setting it over a sink. They did have more in common with humans than they thought, it seemed.

“Cool.” The human seemed like they wanted to ask more questions, but refrained from doing so. Licorice soon dumped the pasta into the strainer, then put it back in the pot. He added a bit of butter, stirring it more until it was fully incorporated. Getting out two bowls, he used tongs to dispense some of the food into each, before yelling for Brute and Batcat. Soon after, the two appeared.

“Brute, I assume you already ate most of what you need?” He nodded, and Licorice handed him a bowl. It was hilariously small against his paws, more of a dessert if anything. Batcat on the other hand, was hardly bigger than the bowl. Still, they both began eating their food.

“You can have whatever’s left in the pot, human.” They rose from the table, getting out a bowl and scooping some pasta into it. You were half tempted to eat one of the intricately designed forks. Walking to the table, you sat down and quickly ate your dinner.

Today had been strange, for better or worse remaining to be seen.

“I FOUND SOME TRACKS!” Gingerbrave pointed towards the strange marks on the road. They looked like a cake hound’s except they only had two prints. Maybe it was a werehound, then? Beside it was a trail of cookie prints, along with a few stray straight lines alongside it. Maybe some sort of weapon was touching the ground occasionally?

His friends stared at them, and Wizard seemed deep in thought.

“Well, we could follow these. Though there’s no guarantee we’ll find our human, there’s a chance.”

Chapter Text

“I thought I told you to remove your servants from the front doors, Licorice.”

“I’m aware, and that doesn’t make any sense at all!”

“Oh, really? Are you going to question the Dark Enchantress’ wishes?”

“She’s great and all, but on this one thing, she’s wrong. Think it over, Pomegranate. What would happen if the human were to just walk away? It’s not like we have them restrained or anything. Then the castle would be left defenceless.”

“In case you forgot, Licorice, we’re the only source of drinkable fluids for the human around here. They wouldn’t be able to make to the kingdom with a lack of them. Why would a human sentence themselves to death?”

“Humans are strange, and this one might think death is a better alternative to being used!” Licorice’s voice had been steadily rising in pitch, and his voice had cracked on that last sentence. You snickered to yourself, trying to not make so much noise. If you did, you’d be caught eavesdropping on supposedly important conversations.

“Licorice, humans, or at least this one, have shown strong self preservation. You’re being paranoid, and if it bothers you so much, you may give the human a sigil to make them stay.” Pomegranate scoffed angrily, and walked out of the room. You could hear Licorice’s responding irritated sigh, and the creak of him sitting in his desk chair. Technically, you were supposed to be asleep right now, but had a little trouble actually doing it. Likely due to the mass amounts of sugar you were eating here. Regardless of the reason, you soon found yourself listening in to a conversation that seemed to be pointless. Aside from one thing, that is. A sigil? Whatever that was, it would supposedly make you stay in place. Perhaps it was some sort of enchanted brand or item? You questioned it until you felt yourself slowly slipping into a light doze.

The following morning after they had found those prints, they had organized an official expedition. Custard was left behind to run the kingdom, but the other four would certainly be strong enough to find out what had happened to their friend. Gingerbrave led the group along the path, everyone chatting about different things to ease the heavy tension. Of course, these prints could mean nothing. The human could have just vanished as easily as they came, never to be seen again. The thought saddened Gingerbrave, but he knew that likely wasn’t the case.

“We all know this will take several days, so I brought us some jellies for energy.” Wizard stopped, opening up the bag he was carrying. Red stamina jellies laid inside.

“Everyone take one, it’s going to be awhile before my enchantment summons more.” They all grabbed a jelly, eating it and resuming their journey. They could only hope it wouldn’t be all for nothing.

You grunted at the sensation of having your blankets pulled off you again, opening your eyes a crack. You expected to see Pomegranate’s resting bitch face, but it was actually Licorice’s pained smile that never seemed to leave.

“Get up, I’ve been lenient enough with your laziness.”

“Says the magical cookie that doesn’t even need sleep.” You shuffle out of your little cocoon of inner blanket, sitting up on the floor. Licorice walks over to his desk, grabbing what seemed like nothing more than a swirly mint candy.

“Hold still, and this won’t hurt.” You back away hastily.

“The hell is that?”

“A sigil. Pomegranate told me to make one so you wouldn’t run away.”

“Pomegranate told you to make one because you were being paranoid.”

“Hey- wait, how do you know about that?”

“The wonders of sleep deprivation. Now, what does that sigil do?”

“It binds you to the castle, so you can only go a certain distance away from it. Now, come here.” You back away further. Licorice stands over you, looking rather like a disapproving parent. He then seems to weigh his options, before hollering for Brute. You swear, it’s like he comes through a portal every time he’s called with how fast he gets here. Licorice tells him to restrain you, and no matter how much you struggle, you can’t break free. The chocolate frosted fur sticks to your clothes annoyingly.

“Stop wriggling! I swear, you’re half jelly wyrm.” Licorice mutters the second part under his breath as he walks up to you, mint candy in hand. He unwraps it, pressing it against your shoulder and starts muttering a few words. It feels warm, then hot and prickly before he removes it. The candy itself is unchanged, but all the colour has been leeched from it and transferred onto your shoulder in a circular shape.

“Good job, you stamped me.”

“With a sophisticated piece of magic that takes years to learn, let alone master like I have.” Brute sets you down on the floor, and you immediately touch your shoulder. Nothing happens.

“As long as you don’t try to escape, you should be fine.”

“What happens if I do?”

“The sigil will force you to not move further, and turn you back towards the castle.” A sharp knock sounded on the door.

“Come in?” Pomegranate opened the door a crack, unable to step inside due to Brute. He slowly shuffled away from it, squished into the corner.

“Did you give the human a sigil?” Licorice nodded.

“Follow me then, human.” You grumbled, but followed her out of the room anyway. The halls were starting to get boring with how many times you had walked through them. Reaching the door, Pomegranate opened it just enough for you to squeeze through. There was a lack of small licorice rolls threatening you with candy swords, disappointing. The door clacked shut behind you. Time to test what that sigil would actually do. You began casually walking along the path leading away from the castle, and after about thirty seconds, you froze solid. Invisible, strong hands gripped you, turning you around and pushing you back towards the steps before letting go.

Now you couldn’t even eat the Swedish Berries from the patch you found earlier. This irritated you greatly, now you’d have to wait until dinner to have any tasty food, on top of not having the licorice rolls around for entertainment. You hoped the cake hound pup would come over again, at least. Otherwise, you might die of boredom before you figured out how to escape.

Chapter Text

You sat on the steps, half asleep. Not so much as a single crumb of anything interesting had passed by your post. The cake hound puppy hadn’t showed up, nor had anything else alive excluding the blueberry bird that had flown over your head earlier. Worse yet, the sun was overhead still, high in the sky. Since Pomegranate allowed you to come in at last sunset, it was safe to assume you’d be stuck here until then. You wished those little licorice rolls were here, at least they provided a distraction from the slow marching of time.

Despite being a trade road, the journey had already been harder than they had anticipated. It seems since they were a smaller group without the protection of a trading caravan, cake hounds and ginkgoblins attacked them on sight. Not that they weren’t capable of defending themselves against such things, it was just that they would quickly run out of jellies. If they ran out of jellies, they’d have no energy for their abilities. More importantly, Wizard wouldn’t be able to cast spells.

“Begone!” The aforementioned cookie shook his staff at a cake hound, which soon loped off into the surrounding wilderness.

“Hey uhh, Wizard, how many jellies do we have left?” Strawberry looked over her shoulder. Opening the basket, he peered inside.

“Only one for each of us. It should be replenishing a bit soon, though.”

“That’s not very good…”

“You don’t say.” Wizard tucked the basket under his arm, continuing to follow the prints.

After a couple more hours, the prints grew fewer, before stopping altogether.

“Huh? Why are there no more prints?” Chili Pepper walked forwards, talking for the first time since the expedition had started.

“I was afraid this would happen. You see, the weather of Earthbread affects the natural environment, disturbing it slightly and causing-“

“I asked for the cheat sheet and not the textbook, pointy hat.” Wizard sputtered angrily for a brief moment.

“Fine, but use that nickname again and I swear-“

“Pointy hat.” Wizard cookie shot her a withering glare from under the aforementioned hat. Chili Pepper snickered.

“How about we don’t fight, and instead working on getting our friend back?”

“Fine, you have a good point. So, what were you going to say, poi- Wizard?”

“Essentially, the passing of time has made these footprints fade. The trees around us are more sparse, allowing for more wind to shift the dirt. They likely still travelled along here, or could have gone off path by now.”

“Should we check in the bushes for human prints?”

“That would be the best way to start, Gingerbrave. For now, I’ll attempt to upgrade the enchantment on our jelly basket.” Wizard sat down on a nearby rock, taking the basket out and placing his hands on it. The other cookies walked amongst the more sparse vegetation, searching.

After what seemed to be an era, the sun sunk lower in the sky. Not quite sunset, but soon enough this slow torture would be done with. You heard the creak of the door opening from behind you, and out stepped Licorice.

“Do I get to go in yet?”

“Could you not ask me hundreds of questions every time you see me?”

“First off, that was one. Second, you and Wizard would really get along based on your sarcasm levels.”

“I doubt I’d ever get along with any of those weak cookies from the kingdom.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised. Maybe you should go there and not kidnap someone.”

“I’ve already been there, and it’s boring.”

“Did you talk to people, or just stalk creepily around while avoiding authority figures?”

“…That’s none of your business. Now stop distracting me, I have something important to do.” Licorice struggled to shut the door behind him, walking down the steps. It was then you noticed a basket of sorts in his hands.

“And what task is that? Flower-picking?”

“Excuse you, it’s gathering herbs for the Enchantress.” Licorice made a disgusted face, before walking off into the sparse forest surrounding the castle. You couldn’t even follow him to annoy him more because of the sigil. How disappointing.

Walking around, Licorice recalled the small list the Enchantress had given him. Swedish berry leaves, jelly roots, and spun sugar shoots. Well, not the Enchantress herself. Pomegranate had approached him in his room with what was essentially a forest grocery list, supposedly from the Enchantress herself. Not the magic work that Licorice heavily preferred, or the necromancy he was good at. No, it was a fetching mission of all things. He reminded himself that the Enchantress would get rid of him if he was too much trouble. Even though a gathering mission was a waste of his unique talents, he wouldn’t complain. Not to her, anyways.

The leaves were easily obtained, as there was a patch of the berries nearby. When he reached them, he noticed footprints. Human footprints. Had they figured out how to break the sigil? A bolt of fear shot through his dough at the thought. No, they couldn’t possibly have. Otherwise, why wouldn’t they have followed him and tried to talk more? That had to be right. So far, they hadn’t passed up the opportunity to annoy him, so why would today be any different? He plucked a few of the greenish leaves, setting them in the small basket. Rising from the ground, he decided to finish his mission quickly, just in case.

Licorice came back quicker than expected, somehow looking more irritated than when he left.

“Did you manage to break my sigil, human?”

“No, otherwise I’d have buggered off by now.” They grin at him.

“Then explain your footprints by the berry patch.”

“I went exploring yesterday and ate some.” Licorice made an offended noise.

“Those are supposed to be ingredients!”

“And I’m ‘supposed’ to be a guard. That’s a very flexible term.” They snicker obnoxiously. Licorice decides to not respond, instead giving them a look and heading inside. Pomegranate is standing right in front of him.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Collecting the human. Leave the herbs with me, and I will bring them to the Enchantress.”

“I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself.” Pomegranate takes the basket out of his hands, almost challenging him to do something. Licorice doesn’t. As much as he loathed her, she was the favourite of the Enchantress. Without a word, he stalked off towards his room.

“Human, it’s time to come in.”

“Finally.” They get up from the steps, arching up and yawning loudly. A loud popping sound follows.

“What was that?”

“Just my spine, no need to worry.” The human walks past Pomegranate and into the castle, satisfied at her horrified expression.

Chapter Text

“Here are the herbs you requested, my Enchantress.” Pomegranate set the basket on the table. The Enchantress opened it, taking out a sample of every type, seemingly judging the quality.

“Seems rushed, but it’ll do. Who gathered these?”

“Licorice Cookie.”

“I’ll say. No wonder some of these leaves have such irregular cutting.” The Enchantress rose from the table, walking towards a cauldron. Taking a small portion of each of the ingredients out, she threw them into it. The off-purple mixture inside fizzled and bubbled at this new addition, the Enchantress stirring it a bit before leaving it alone.

“This should be nearing the last batch that I’ll need to return.”

“I look forwards to finally seeing you at your full power.” Pomegranate smiled, not a cold and threatening one, but a genuine one for once.

“Did anything else of note happen, Pomegranate?”

“The human was given a sigil by Licorice. Now they cannot leave our castle grounds.”

“Seems like a waste of a sigil candy to me, didn’t you say that the only source of water close enough was us?” Pomegranate nodded, the jewels adorning her head clinking slightly.

“The human shouldn’t be capable of escaping now. Even if their little friends from the kingdom came to rescue them, they’d still have to get one of us to remove the sigil. I doubt their child of a mage has even heard of such magic.” The Enchantress grinned at that.

“Good, Pomegranate. You are dismissed.” Pomegranate rose from her seat, giving a small bow to the Enchantress and walking out of the room, shutting and locking the door behind her.

“I have good and bad news, which one do you want to hear first?” Wizard Cookie looked frazzled, his frosting robes slightly out of place and chipped a bit.

“The bad news?”

“Always a pessimist, Strawberry. I suppose I can’t judge you on that, though. Bad news is that there weren’t any more tracks. The good news is that I found an entirely different path, made of cobbled stone. I didn’t follow it further, but that’s the best lead we have so far. Perhaps in the morning, we can follow it.”

“Let’s get one thing straight, pointy hat. Where are we gonna look if this path turns out to be a dead end, doesn’t lead to the human, or essentially any other place? The chances that we find the human are pretty low at this point.” Chili Pepper crossed her arms.

“I have no idea what we’d do, other than keep looking of course.” Wizard gave Chili Pepper a look. She didn’t look impressed, but decided to not push it. They’d have plenty of time to squabble once they found the human.

This time, you actually woke up before the blankets were rudely yanked off of you. Your eyes opened slowly, blearily taking in the gloomy room around you. Licorice had figured out how to bind you to a castle, but apparently either didn’t know or didn’t see the use for any kind of lighting spells. Sleeping on the floor had gotten a bit tiring, and your back hurt despite the several layers of fluffy blankets wrapped around you. Sitting up, you stretched, yawning loudly.

“Can you not make noise every time you wake up?” Ah, there was that permanently irritated voice again.

“Part of being a human, it’s called ‘breathing.’”

“Well, breath quieter then!”

“Here’s a better question. Why are you so snappy this morning?” You made an internal bet. If he answered with ‘none of your business’, you’d take an imaginary shot.

“None of your business, human. You should be getting ready to go outside and do your guarding, anyways.” He sounded as bitter as that imaginary shot.

“Oh, that reminds me. Why are your servants gone?”

“Pomegranate didn’t need them there anymore.”

“Jerk. Can you summon more for entertainment purposes? It’s boring out there. All I do is sit down and stare into the aether until one of you comes to get me and I’m sick of it.”

“It’s been two days and you’re sick of it?”

“What part of boredom do you not understand?”

“Fine, fine. I suppose you can have one servant, it’s not like they’re doing anything anyways.” Licorice walked over to the wall, grabbing his scythe off of it. Raising it into the air, a small amount of black lightning struck down and in its place was a small servant. Licorice bent down, presumably whispering orders to it.

“…keep an eye on the human, and report back to me at the end of the day. Don’t let Pomegranate see you.” The licorice roll nodded, as much as it could anyways. It waddled up to you on its hilariously small legs, poking you with its sugar bone sword.

“Anything else you ask of me is an instant no, now stop asking questions.” Licorice motioned towards the door.

“You don’t have to wait for Pomegranate, just go. Unless of course, you can’t open a door.” Licorice snickered to himself, walking over to his desk and bending over a singular sheet of paper.

You rolled your eyes at his back, before walking out of his study-room-lab thing. Behind you, there was a sound of feet slapping on tile. You glanced back to see the little servant couldn’t keep up with your walking, so you reached down and tried to grab it. It slapped your hand with the flat of its blade, giving you a look.

“You don’t have time to be sassy, let me pick you up.” It glares at you, and you reminded yourself you were a human, a bringer of the apocalypse. No licorice roll could hurt you. So you grabbed it by the sides, and it squeaked angrily at you all the way to and out the door until you set it down on the steps. You never thought such contempt could come from a tiny servant, but then again, it was Licorice who summoned it. Sitting down on the steps next to it, you resumed your post.

After a few minutes of watching the little servant, you began looking around you. Nothing had changed since yesterday or the day before. Nothing except the servant, who was currently sitting on the steps beside you, seemingly polishing its sword. It hadn’t done anything but that the entire time.

“So, what do you do for fun?” The servant looks up at you and narrows its eyes, as if saying that it didn’t know what fun was. You continued to try and talk with it, but you see just met with a strange stare. Maybe if that cake hound pup came around again, it would dislodge the stick that seemed to be lodged up this one’s ass.

Chapter Text

The cookies were beginning to seriously consider going back to the kingdom and getting extra help from the blueberry birds, and maybe a hot air balloon. That was, until they found a menacing looking black castle, with jagged looking architecture. They’d wandered around, somewhat lost in the woods before stumbling across it. And what a sight it was, with the colors and designs, and of course, most importantly, the human sitting in the steps. Upon closer inspection, it was indeed their human. They seemed bored, staring off into space until they noticed the cookies. Blinking a few times, they rubbed their eyes before their face lit up.

“You’re here!”

“Of course we’re here, we’d have to find you at one point! What happened? Why did you leave?” You looked at all of the cookies standing below the steps, faces a mixture of excitement and worry.

“It’s a pretty long story, but I think it can be summarized in a few sentences. So basically, a dark robed cookie that I don’t recognize comes up to me, kinda like a really suspicious goth. He casts some sort of spell, and all of a sudden I fall asleep. Then I wake up an unknown amount of time later, and it turns out I’ve been captured by someone named Licorice Cookie. Him and I don’t get along very well, and I irritate him a bunch on purpose until another cookie asks to see me. I love her aesthetic, but she’s kinda maybe sorta a really horrible cookie. Her name’s Pomegranate. So anyways, she told me to guard the entrance to the castle or else she wouldn’t give me water, and you know what happens when a human doesn’t have water.” In the middle of your storytelling, you and your cookie friends failed to notice a licorice roll sneaking off towards the back of the castle, opening a small hidden door and slipping inside.

“We managed to get a bit of water on the way here, though I’m afraid it’s soda water and not the kind you’re used to.” Wizard reaches into a basket, taking the bottle out to show you.

“That’s great and all, but do any of you know how to remove a sigil? Licorice put one on me to prevent me from leaving castle grounds.” None of the cookies seemed to know what it even was, except Wizard. His eyes widened for a brief moment, before he set the basket down on the ground and walked up the steps to you.

“A sigil? Are you sure? Licorice knows how to make sigils?”

“Well, that’s what he called it. I can show you if you’d like.” He nods, and you pull up your sleeve to reveal the shoulder it had been put on. The swirly candy shape was still there, bright as ever.

“I’m not sure if you understand human, but a sigil is incredibly complex and powerful magic. To even comprehend how to make and maintain one, let alone one that looks this strong takes years upon years of study. I can’t even make a sigil, let alone break one. We’ll have to convince the caster to break it, and since you said that was Licorice…” Wizard trailed off. You sighed. Of course this stupid dumbass sigil would get in the way of you returning to the kingdom. It wasn’t like you could just stroll into the castle and ask Licorice to remove it, and tricking him was highly unlikely. Pomegranate might be able to remove it, but the idea that she’d help you without significant personal gain was laughable.

Fortunately, you didn’t have to strain your mind by thinking of ideas to remove the sigil, because Licorice came bursting out the castle doors not even a few seconds later.

“Stop! Stop right there, all of you!” He sounded both out of breath and smug. You didn’t know how that was possible.

“I wasn’t aware cookies made arrests.”

“Shut up, no one asked you!” A red knife flew past Licorice’s shoulder, and he yelped.

“No attacking me, or else?”

“Or else what, old rags? You can’t beat all of us!” Chili Pepper threw another knife, and Licorice just barely dodged it.

“I am not old rags cookie! I’m Licorice Cookie, and you will call me by my proper name!” His voice sounded shriller. You were getting quite a kick out of this.

“If you don’t behave, I’ll never remove that human’s sigil.” This caused the cookies to put their weapons down nervously.

“Much better. How about you come inside?” The cookies whisper amongst one another, and Wizard looks like he wants to slap Licorice.

“No, you’ll just tell your friends we’re here.”

“Who says I haven’t already?”

“Your overlarge ego, for one…” Wizard mutters under his breath. Licorice glares at him, but thankfully doesn’t do anything.

“Fine. We can stay outside, but if you try anything, you know what’ll happen.”

“What do you want, Licorice? There’s not much you have to lose by letting me go. You had a security system in place before me, and it probably worked just fine. You’ve already collected all the samples and information you need from me, and I annoy you. So, what’s keeping me here?” Licorice pauses for a moment.

“On the contrary. Pomegranate has told me that our master has plans for you, and they won’t work with you gone.”

“Just make new evil schemes, dammit. They can’t be that hard, considering your plan to capture me.”

“A lot of effort goes into those plans!”

“Not yours, though. So why’re you insisting on keeping me when I do nothing for you, just Pomegranate and your master?” You raised an eyebrow, and this time Licorice didn’t have a quick response. It seemed you had struck a proverbial nerve.

“…I wouldn’t expect a person like you to understand. I’m not going to bother explaining it.” He crossed his arms, trying to seem intimidating again. Chili Pepper took this brief lapse in his defence to teleport behind him, wrapping her arms around his torso and forcing him to drop his scythe.

“Finally, you shut up for once. How about you undo that sigil on our human so we can go home and leave this unholy slice of Earthbread?”

Chapter Text

Licorice gasped slightly, a wheezy little sound coming out of his throat. Chili Pepper merely chuckled a bit, digging her knife into the soft dough of his neck. Panic was in his eyes, his arrogant bravado from before long forgotten. His robe flowed about, trying to free him, to no avail. Reaching desperately for his scythe, Chili Pepper beat him to it, pulling it away and throwing it to the ground. It clattered against the castle steps as it fell, landing what was practically miles out of his reach. You knew he was the only way to undo that sigil on your arm, so you couldn’t have Chili Pepper accidentally turning him into crumbs! Besides, he was the nicest person you had met here. Even though he was an arrogant little jerk of a cookie, your world be a little less interesting with the banter.

“Chili! Wait!” You scrambled up the steps, towards Licorice and her.

“What? He just wasn’t taking the message. It’s not like I’m gonna crumble him or anything. He just needs to be taught a bit of a lesson.”

“Chili, he may be too injured to perform the spell if you keep holding him like that.” She sighed, loosening the knife just a bit. Licorice wheezed out what could have been either a “finally” or a “thank cake.” After a few moments, he regained a bit of composure, and his overlarge ego.

“The human has a wonderful point! If I’m too injured, there’s no way I’d be able to perform a spell of that caliber…” He trailed off, pretending to think. Well, that was a lie. He was thinking, of course, but not about spells. It was how he could get out of this mess unscathed. His little servant had likely been dispelled when his scythe was knocked away, so breaking free or getting backup wasn’t a choice. It seemed like those soft little cookies from the kingdom, who had to know exactly zero battle tactics, had him trapped in a lose-lose situation. On one hand, he could remove the sigil. This would result in his prized captive getting away, and him being even more of a joke to the Dark Enchantress. On the other, he could refuse until they forced him into doing it. Stalling wasn’t even really an option, as Pomegranate almost always forgot he existed. Having been backed into a proverbial and literal corner, Licorice sighed deeply. A deal. That had to be the only way he’d make it out of this.

“I have a proposition.” He finally stated. You turned up from the brown sugar dirt you’d been kicking, and stared at him.

“What is it?” You ask.

“I’ll remove that sigil on your arm, in exchange for something.” You sucked in a breath. This had to be a trick of some sort. But still, what other choice did you have, asides from hearing him out?

“That sigil on your arm is as good as gone, if you can provide me with full access to your kingdom.” You stared at him. He really did think that he was going to get out of this on top. Unfortunately, he did not account for Chili Pepper, who smacked him on the head with the flat of her dagger.

“Are you kidding me?? Full access? Absolutely not.”

“I mean, if it gets the sigil off…” Wizard interjected. Chili Pepper glared incredulously at him.

“You’re not letting him get away with this, are you?”

“No, no! Here, I have a solution… Licorice, we accept your terms, so long as you leave the service of Dark Enchantress cookie.” Now it was Licorice’s turn to balk at the terms. He dearly loved being in the service of Dark Enchantress cookie…or did he really? Come to think of it, he’d never been really treated with respect by her. Nor Pomegranate. In fact, no one but his servants actually liked him. He’d thought that he just had to prove himself first, as he was still a novice when he’d first joined their ranks. It seemed that with each leap in progress he made, the bar for acceptance simply rose and he was never fast enough to catch it. As much as he completely hates these cookies, everything they stood for, and the human they came here to rescue, he couldn’t deny the simple truth. They were friends with one another, clearly, and even though the human was supposed to be a bringer of the end times, they accepted it into their ranks just fine. Maybe a little lingering fear was there, sure, but he didn’t think they had it in them to blatantly reject someone from their social circle. Not like Pomegranate and the Dark Enchantress did without even stopping to think. Well. He didn’t know what to make of this revelation. What did he have to lose, really? He was powerful enough without them.

“Oh, all right. I’ll undo the sigil, on your terms. But I get to conjure my servants once I’m at your kingdom. Now release me.” Chili Pepper slowly drew her dagger away from Licorice, still keeping it out if he needed to be stopped.

Licorice stepped towards you, then grabbed your wrist. He expertly pulled back your sleeve, revealing the sigil that had been stamped into your skin. Placing a dry hand on it, he recited some magic words you could never hope to understand, and bit by bit, it receded. After a minute or two, there was no trace of it.

“There. Now you’re free to run along with your dumb little friends.” Licorice flicked his hair just a bit, evidently still having haughtiness left over.

“If you don’t watch your mouth, I’m going to convert you into one of my ‘dumb little friends.’ We’ll see who’s laughing then.” Licorice scoffed, and somehow rolled his eyes.

“As if my standards would drop so far.” He crossed his arms, walking to the front of the group.

“Well? Lead them back already! We don’t want to be standing here forever.” Gingerbrave nodded, motioning to the rest of the cookie gang and yourself to follow him back home.

It was a long journey, full of Licorice’s complaining and your rebuttals. When you finally came up to the great big gate of the kingdom, you could have jumped for joy. Not only was there palatable water here, but also your other friends, whom you had grown to miss even over this relatively short absence. You waved to the cookie currently manning the gate, who was none other than Dark Choco. He squinted at you, then his eye widened slightly as he noticed who you were, and whom was tagging along.

“Human, you’re back. And you’ve brought…is that Licorice?” The cookie in question stepped out from behind you with a peeved expression on his face.

“You really have gone blind, haven’t you? Ugh. Nevermind. Just open the gate.” Dark Chocolate looked at him suspiciously, but opened the gate regardless. It swung open with a pleasant creak, baring the kingdom to your weary friends. Your ears were met with a chorus of cheers soon enough, along with some “good to be back’s” and “finally home’s”. Licorice trailed behind you as you walked through the sweet grasses. You bid farewell to your cookie friends, simply desiring a drink of water and a rest. Once you reached your temporary home the cookies had made, you glanced behind you. Licorice scurried off somewhere, leaving you alone with your thoughts. That was just fine with you.

Licorice walked out into one of the further off fields of the kingdom, as to not cause a panic with what he was about to do. Planting his scythe firmly in the ground, he began to chant the words to a summoning spell. After a few minutes, his scythe began to shake, and finally Brute and Bat-Cat appeared with a cracking noise.

“Master… where are we?” Licorice paused for a moment.

“Our new home, it would seem.”