Work Text:
Fog.
It's everywhere.
In the streets.
In my lungs.
In my head.
I can't remember the last time my being wasn’t clouded by fog.
I can't remember the last time I was happy.
Can't remember the last time I saw them.
But who are they?
I longed to know.
Longed to know the answer behind the fog.
Desperate to know who I was.
Who I lost.
Was it myself?
Or someone else?
I couldn't see.
I couldn't walk.
I couldn't breathe.
The fog consumed me.
Like forgotten memories of a time when we were happy.
When I was happy.
But now I don't remember, because all the fog was blocking my view.
Centuries ago two nations lived in peace: Eldia and Marley. While being on opposing sides of the masses of saltwater and golden sand that later came to be known as the ocean, conflict never arose between the two nations.
At least for a while.
It wasn't long before the peaceful front started to fray and the two sides started to clash. At first it started small, petty things like overlapping schedules on trading routes and trading and transportation pricing. But soon those petty little things turned into bigger and greater problems.
Land, territories, things of the sort.
Marley was evolving, expanding, and in turn leaving Eldia behind as they were not willing to share these developments with their neighbors. And as the developing nation continued to grow, so did their greed.
Their small nation quickly became too small and they wanted more. More land, more territory, just more. So they took over.
Ambushing the poor nation of Eldia who had been none the wiser. Yet they fought back and stayed strong for as long as they could until a treaty was made. Eldia offered to give Marley half of their land as long as they lived in peace and were never bothered again, they agreed and were quick to expand their empire. While Eldia did the opposite.
They retreated to their small portion of the island and created reinforcements. Building walls to protect themselves from possible attacks in the future. But in turn, lost so many years of evolution. Technology lost and never to be re-discovered. no longer having access to certain foods and materials as they no longer used the trading routes in fear of being conquered.
But they were safe, and that was far more important than the loss of a few delicacies.
It took a while but they adjusted, learning to use the materials and crops that grew in their enclosed environment. They even discovered mines and the elements found were used as fuel; they were able to transform the element into many different types of resourceful combustible material that could be used for almost anything.
Eldia as a nation was prospering and soon were no longer bothered with living within the confines of their own making.
— — —
The nation of Eldia thought they would be safe, there was no end to their peace. They believed they would always be protected by their walls.
Until they weren't.
It had been centuries since the first war and Eldia had continued to live in their enclosed walls. They evolved greatly technology now better than ever -was it as great as Marley? They'd never know-. Throughout the ages, a lot of their history was lost. They did not know the true reason for their entrapment but they did know it was to keep them safe, alive.
It didn't matter how old you were, you knew the story. Several nations waged war on Eldia and after a grueling and fruitful battle that lasted years. The small nation of Eldia had come out victorious but only a handful survived, so they built their walls to keep them safe and created their own civilization in secludment.
They believed they were the last human civilization on earth, that everyone else had been whipped out from that same war centuries ago and they were the last standing.
It wasn't entirely accurate as most documents had been lost to the generations but the nation preferred to live in ignorant bliss than to know the truth of the horror that awaited them outside their barriers.
Five friends who had been together their entire lives, who had watched each other grow up and change along with the world around them were coming apart at last by the consequences of war.
The Eldians discovered there were still people outside their walls that are alive and as any nation that believed they were the last people on the earth, they started to prepare for the worst.
For war.
Having been the oldest, Miche was the first to go. He was sent the letter stating he had been drafted just a few weeks after his 18th birthday; he left a couple of months later for basic training. Everyone was absolutely devastated to see their dear friend go, but Nanaba was probably the one that got hit the hardest by it.
They had been best friends since they were kids, they were high school sweethearts who dreamed of going to culinary school and opening a restaurant together and now one of them was going to war -it's not exactly the life that they had pictured-
Two months later it was Erwin's turn to leave; he left after three months.
The remaining three never heard from them after that and the small friend group got even smaller. Their already small world inside the walls started to feel even smaller as everyone they knew that was of age started getting packed off and being sent off to a war that had yet to begin.
And then there were two.
Levi was next to go; he left after three months, the same as Erwin.
They knew it was inevitable and that he would get drafted at some point, but it still hurt -it hurt so goddamn much-. Hange, despite everything, tried to put on a brave face. They didn’t want to worry him right as he’s about to go away to war.
Hange didn’t know why they were getting so upset over this, -I mean yeah seeing someone you deeply love and care about having to go off to war and not know when they’re coming back is bound to bring up some kind of emotions- they knew Levi would have to leave eventually, they expected it. They knew that eventually it would be their turn as well and they’d hopefully see Levi and everyone else again. They prepared themselves so that this whirlwind of emotions wouldn’t take over, so that they wouldn’t be so overwhelmed with everything. But despite all their attempts, it happened anyway.
It wasn’t until Levi actually left that it all came crashing down on them. It hadn’t even been a month when Nanaba had gotten her letter and she had to leave too.
Hange was four months into college when they got their draft letter.
Hange Zoe,
You are hereby notified on behalf of The Nation of Eldia that you are to report to military training grounds in two weeks’ time by xx//xx//xxxx. We have looked over your transcripts and have decided that after your basic training is complete you will be placed in our medical and scientific engineering branch.
With regards, Keith Shadis
Commander of The Survey Corps Military Branch
Hange must’ve read that letter over a hundred times, it was so surreal. Not only was she to leave for basic training in two weeks but they didn't even want her on the battlefield. They wanted her to work as a part of the medical staff, it was incredibly unexpected -and they wanted me to work with the engineers too, was that even possible? Could someone really work in two branches at once?-
— — —
Once in the training camp it took Hange quite a while to adjust to the rigorous routine and schedule the future soldiers lived under. They were given a day to settle in and get used to the grounds as a squad leader guided them; along with the rest of the trainees that had arrived that same day to where they needed to go and introduced them to all the buildings and sectors.
In the first two months trainees were instructed to sit in a classroom for five hours a day to learn everything there was to know about war. Every day was spent learning the terminology, ranks, signal meanings, and the use and importance of uniform, gear, and weapons. And after two months of non-stop studying they were tested on what they knew, all standing in uniform and perfect rows; arms pressed against their sides.
While all the soldiers stood, commander Keith Shadis along with various military squad leaders paraded through the rows of soldiers seemingly choosing at random who to ask a question to.
Shouting was heard through all the rows on both sides as officials barked out questions to trainees and they were ordered to answer back. Those who could not answer correctly were set back to the classroom to study for another month until they answered correctly.
It wasn't until the commander himself was standing before Hange that they fully felt the extent of their nervousness.
“What is the meaning and purpose of our military salute, soldier!”
“We dedicate our lives to the survival of our nation against the oppressive and dangerous outside, sir!”
“Demonstrate!”
With their left arm swiftly moving to their back their right came to their front, hand in a fist landing on their chest right where their heart rest; not yet heavy.
With that first salute, her fate was sealed.
“Shinzou Wo Sasageyo!”
— — —
Hange shot up gasping for breath, nerves and fear racking their entire being. Choking on their sobs they gasped for air, scratching at their throat hoping to be relieved of the constricting feeling -like someone had their hands around their throat and just kept squeezing, tighter and tighter-.
They coughed through labored breathing. They thought it would make the tightening feeling in their throat dissipate, it didn't; it did nothing but make the struggle for breath even more difficult.
Hange looked around, unfamiliar of where they were. They frantically turned their head from side to side hoping to find some sense of familiarity. The pounding in their chest -their heart- heavy.
It wasn't until she felt a strong pair of arms around her waist that her thoughts were able to return to a minor form of semblance.
“Levi?”
“Breathe Hange,” he spoke softly, -well softly as he could with sleep still plaguing his voice- gently placing his chin on Hanges shoulder, “breathe.”
Hange shuddered, exhaling a shaky breath as she tried to even out her breathing, doing her best to take deep breaths. With a shaking hand, she brought it up to her face, whipping away the tears that had spilled onto her cheeks.
Now more awake Levi gently took hold of hanges face and turned it to face him once their breathing had evened out, ¨hange, look at me.¨ he said softly, looking into Hanges glazed over eyes trying to get her to focus on anything other than the horrid thoughts that plagued her mind.
It was on quiet nights like this that the ghost of grim reminders came back to haunt them. In all fairness, Hange had never expected to be put out on the battlefield but with the state of emergency, they didn't give her much of a choice.
Eldia had been invaded, their outer wall completely destroyed, and with it more than half of the district's population.
They got out as many people as they could but there was only so much space on the boats; death is inedible when you're at war.
Rations became incredibly scarce that the most people could get for a daily meal was a piece of bread, the military wasn't doing any better. There was an emergency draft to try and retrieve their stolen land but there weren't even enough resources to train the new recruits; many lives were lost and many children were left orphaned. But at least resources were not as scarce anymore, right? -a small price to pay for everyone to have what they need; at least that's how the government saw it-.
It was during that crisis that all trainees that had been in the top ten of their graduating class -no matter what faction they had been placed in- were transferred to train in the battlefield; Hange was one of them.
“Hange whatever you're seeing, whatever you're thinking, it's not real. It's over, we don't have to fight anymore. We're home.”
“home?” hange said in a dazed state, voice broken and confused.
“yeah..” Levi gently placed Hanges head on his shoulder so her forehead was resting against it and he could hug her properly.
It took a few minutes for Hange to come back to reality; sometimes she wished she could stay in her own head if it meant keeping all the painful reminders out. She immediately hugged Levi back, seeking any form of comfort she could.
There was a period of time where things seemed to have calmed down and during that time Levi and hange tried to have a child but three months into the pregnancy hange had lost the child. It was heart-wrenching for them both and it didn't help that that same year they had lost Nanaba and Miche in an ambush attack.
The center wall had been destroyed and a third of their military turned on them. Attempting to kidnap two of their young soldiers -because they believed they were plants sent in by the enemy to gather information; they were right, just got the wrong kids- and take down the small amount of soldiers they had.
But it was over now.
It had been years since the war; what people called the battle of heaven and earth.
They were lucky, not everyone else was able to share the same fate
But even so, that didn't stop the nightmares.
“Sorry for waking you,” Hange muttered, the fog now gone.
Levi let out a low humorless chuckle, “I don't care that you woke me. I care more about you being okay.” He swiftly repositioned himself and Hange to be laying down again and Hange laid her head on Levi's chest.
“What happened?” he asked quietly, rubbing circles into their back with his palm.
“I'm just worried..”
“about?”
“The kids… I just don't wanna fail them…”
“you won't, we've known these kids for over a year and they really love us. I promise you we won't fail them.”
After years Eldia had finally taken back their stolen land but it wasn't without losing the majority of their army, leaving Hange to be the new commander in Erwin's place.
During those few years of peace, Levi and Hange tried to have a child again but it ended up just as sorrowful as the first time. At the time doctors were unable to find the cause because of technological restrictions so as anyone would Hange put it off as to much stress from being the newly appointed commander and having a lot more responsibility than they were used to.
It wasn't until everything was finally over that they found out Hange would be unable to carry a child due to multiple battle injuries they had suffered. It was soul-crushing, to say the least, finding out you would never be able to have a child because you had to fight for your and your nation's survival.
But luckily there were other options.
Adoption was the main course they wanted to take. There were a lot of children that lost their parents in the war and they wanted to give at least one of them a better home, so once everything was settled, they started the adoption process.
“Still, it's a big change from looking after teenagers. What if I'm not a good parent…”
“You'll be a great parent. The kids.. We did our best with what we had and they turned out to be great people. Hell, Historia has built multiple orphanages and shelters and Armin is an ambassador working on making peace treaties with the other nations, that was all because of you.”
“You can't say the same for Eren..”
Levi sighed, “Eren was..” he paused searching for the right word, “a complicated individual. We did what we could but in the end he failed himself, not us. It was his choices that led him down that path, not us.”
“yeah, i guess Eren was always pretty difficult.”
“you have nothing to worry about, alright. Everything has already been finalized and the kids' rooms are all set up, yeah it's a big change but we've been wanting to start a family for years. We're ready for this.”
“Yeah, you're right.”