Chapter Text
Bakugou Katsuki left his classes that afternoon with a tight rein on his behavior and emotions. His robotic walking—with hands clenched tight into fists and his face expertly schooled into unfeelingness—carried him from the training field, all the way to his dorm room, where he shut the door and stood with his hand on the handle. He was unmoving, concentrating on not letting his emotions get the better of him, not allowing himself to scream or grip at his unruly blond hair, not allowing himself to break down.
See, Bakugou had a problem. One, striking, life-ruining, green-haired… problem. Midoriya Izuku. Deku.
⛉ ⛉ ⛉
The two had a roller coaster in their relationship, starting when they were kids.
Their parents were friends, and they went to the same elementary school, so of course, this meant that they were inseparable. They shared the same admiration for their idol, All Might, fantasies about growing up to be Pro Heros, and loved playing—and fighting—outside together. They spent their early years like that before anything disrupted their friendship. Katsuki’s quirk had been visible at the normal age, around four, and he had fun seeing what he could do with it and demonstrating for the rapt audience of his young friends, especially Izuku. Izuku was fascinated with quirks, and no one seemed to notice as the months passed after his fourth birthday with no quirk showing. Least of all Katsuki, who thought that he had enough of a cool quirk for the both of them, and Izuku wholeheartedly agreed.
Once kindergarten rolled around, Izuku’s teachers expressed concern about his lack of a quirk, and the Midoriya family reluctantly agreed that it was time to get him checked out. So, that very first week of kindergarten, Izuku’s mother, Inko, took him to the doctor to see if the parent's worst fears would be realized. Izuku seemed to not have a care in the world, playing with his Pro Hero figures all the way to the doctor’s office and excitedly sitting in the big chair once in the office, awaiting the unfamiliar man wearing a white lab coat.
From that day forward, everyone knew that Midoriya Izuku was quirkless. A statistical abnormality.
From that day forward, he was no longer “Midoriya Izuku.” He was “Deku.” He was the quirkless kid, the weakling, the bug on the ground that anyone could step on.
From that day forward, Deku was invisible, unless some bully decided to pick on him. In which case he quickly turned into “useless,” “weirdo,” “get off the ground and face me, loser!”
After they found out, Izuku’s parents tried to keep the information hush-hush, but all it took was one kid asking Izuku what his quirk was in that first week of school for the dam to break.
Izuku and Katsuki’s friend group quickly had to figure out what adults thought of people without quirks, and the answer was a resounding “lesser than.” So, just like in most cases, children became the reflection of their parent's beliefs. All of the kids started to tease him, and then teasing became pushes, and pushes became Deku being excluded and laughed at from afar, which was arguably worse for his psyche.
Young Katsuki was left reeling, unsure of what to do. He and Izuku, not “Deku,” had been friends since they were born, but from every angle, Katsuki was being shown a new way of how to act towards him. Even his own parents regarded the boy’s existence as a sad fact, that all he would become was a worthless adult who would fill a meaningless job meant for someone without significant abilities. Or significance at all.
Slowly, Katsuki started to fall in line with the others. It was so easy, after all, to join the cajoling group, than to be one of two people in the entire world (it seemed to him) that defied them.
Once Izuku became “Deku,” Katsuki became solely “Bakugou.” Kids who weren’t a part of his posse steered clear of him as he demonstrated how strong his quirk was and that he wasn’t afraid to use it.
As the years of elementary school passed, tensions rose between the kids of their class and Deku. Katsuki found it simple to follow the path laid out for him: tease and push around Deku like everyone else. Eventually, he found it satisfying to use Deku to get his feelings out, because the boy was annoyingly happy-go-lucky no matter what happened, seemingly determined to get on Bakugou’s nerves with his innocent behavior. The boy kept trying to befriend him again, and Katsuki wanted nothing less at this point. He liked the position he had in his class as a leader who the others admired, and he wanted to keep it that way. It didn’t hurt that Deku was sickeningly oblivious to everything happening to him, which made it all the more frustrating when he just looked up with tear-filled eyes at Bakugou when he was pushed to the ground, the face of someone whose heart was being newly broken every time, even though this was probably the 15th time this week.
By middle school, there was a rift large enough to topple into between them. The two still lived in the same neighborhood, so they walked the same direction home from school every day, but Bakugou resolutely ignored Deku and pretended he wasn’t there. By this point, Deku was used to his behavior and the bullying from his classmates. Conditioned into uncaring. He operated alone, with no friends and no quirk, and told no one about his school life. Honestly, he thought he deserved it. He was just a liability to have around and a burden to the world. He had never even met another quirkless person, so maybe he was the only one in the entire world. It felt like that sometimes.
He was alone in his own little world.
Things between Deku and his peers diminished as middle school barreled on, until the end of the year. Talk of attending Hero schools for high school started gaining solidity, and on the day that the students who would be applying to get into U.A. High School, the elite Pro Hero training academy, Deku’s name took everyone off guard as one of the applicants. His name was accompanied by a few others, of course including Bakugou’s, but Deku’s name of all people sent the class into a frenzy.
“Who does the quirkless freak think he is?” Someone shouted from the back of the classroom. Another student booed in approval and a few others joined in, making their opinion of Deku’s ambition clear as day. Katsuki was privately furious, although he didn’t make it clear through his words. Of course Deku would try to take away the spot he was gunning for at the academy. And how the fuck did he think he could get in? You needed a quirk to even think about passing the entrance exam.
Their teacher stood uneasily at the front of the classroom and called the class back to focus once they could get ahold of the 8th grader's attention. “Everyone has an equal right to apply to any school of their choosing,” the teacher supplied diplomatically.
Deku’s unmistakable shock of green hair sunk farther into his seat than one would think possible. He didn’t need their homeroom teacher making half-hearted attempts to defend him when even he could tell they didn’t mean it.
That summer passed seemed impossibly long. Katsuki barely saw a hint of Deku in the streets or at their neighborhood's local shops, when normally he might see the boy there, wearing earbuds and lost in his thoughts. This summer was different. He didn’t even see him coming in and out from the Midoriya family home, and the boys lived only a few houses separate from each other. Katsuki assumed he had given up on his dream and decided to live his life as a hermit or some shit.
Until, what did he see but a short and freckled Midoriya Izuku walking up to the gates of U.A. High School at the beginning of the new school year. He looked… better. Taller than before, less like he wanted to shrink in on himself and disappear. More… muscular? His hair was longer, too, it fell down the nape of his neck and almost over his eyes.
Katsuki did not approach him or recognize his existence. The last nine years of his life had gotten him in too deep to switch on a dime now, even if he was the only person in the entire school that Katsuki knew at all.
That was until they both got put into Class 1-A together. Then, their prior relationship was an unavoidable truth that kept Katsuki on his toes, always feeling like he had to continue the rough exterior he had developed in middle school, even though he had wanted to leave it behind. The summer had made him realize some things about himself, and he wanted to be less… awful all the time. This was in large part because his parents had made him start therapy, which caused him to have to come to terms with his behavior towards others and the way he had treated Deku in the past. Truly, he had been banking on never seeing the other boy ever again and slowly letting go of it.
Unfortunately, life had other plans, and he found himself sitting a few rows behind his childhood friend-turned-victim for the entire semester.
Honestly, he was left with no choice. Either fall back into his toxic behaviors of the past, or apologize and see if he could repair the relationship. He expected nothing more than to be rejected and scorned, which was more than he deserved. Mentally, too, he needed to get past this obstacle in his life so he could move on. At least, his therapist insisted he did. Something about this being a mental roadblock, that if he didn't resolve it then they would never be able to make further progress.
Unbeknownst to all, Deku had spent the summer training with the famed All Might. His exterior had hardened, somewhat. He was still the same 8th grader as the year before, but more determined. Possessing a quirk put strength behind the old words he used to say: "leave me alone," and "ow, stop it!" weren’t just empty threats. Even if he didn't totally have his powers under control.
He wasn't the Quirkless Loser anymore, failure of the class and meant to grow up to be nothing to no one. He was Deku, All Might's apprentice, and proud of it. The name was no longer something someone could use to tear him down, it was his Hero name.
Bakugou, silently observing him from behind at his seat in their class, could tell this from the first day. Not the whole story of course, but he could tell that Deku held a sort of quietly powerful air around him. Someone who hadn’t known—and bullied—him for his entire life probably wouldn’t notice the change, but Katsuki had that advantage. He knew Deku only less than he knew himself, and he felt like he knew himself less day after day.
The first time the two were assigned to work together, the first time they had spoken since 8th grade, Bakugou almost tore himself apart. When the pairings for the exercise had been announced, Deku hadn’t even looked back at him, just stiffened in his seat and then slumped down again. Katsuki had reacted much the same way, groaning and sinking down into his chair. He let his head fall on the desk and allowed himself to feel shitty until the end of class.
The next day, when the two actually had to work together, neither one seemed willing to start the conversation as they were shut into the mock training city together. It was clear to Katsuki that Deku expected him to act the same as he had every year before in his life. He seemed taken off guard when Katsuki opened his mouth and blurted the two words he had never expected to come from his bully.
“I’m sorry.”
Katsuki wanted to sink into the ground as soon as he started talking.
“I’m sorry… Izuku,” he gritted out.
Deku looked at him like he had just grown a second head. “Are you okay, Kacchan?” He asked, peering at the blond. Katsuki’s heart ached to hear the childhood nickname that Izuku had never seemed to let go of.
“Yes! Well, no, not at all, but that's not really the point,” he spluttered. Deku looked entirely taken aback. Katsuki cringed internally. Jesus Christ, what kind of blubbering idiot had he become? From the other’s perspective, his childhood bully ripped right out of 8th grade was messily apologizing to him. It probably seemed unthinkable, since Deku didn't know all the therapy that Katsuki had gone through to improve himself.
That day, Katsuki apologized for everything. While frustration made tears prick in his eyes, he spilled everything he could rip out of his rough-feeling throat. Bakugou lost some of his self-control that day, letting the cap off of an emotional bottle that he’d been keeping tightly shut for the last ten years. Deku stood there calmly and listened while the teen he’d known since he was born broke down in front of him. Once Katsuki had said everything he needed to say and relegated himself to angrily wiping his eyes and snuffling as softly as he could, Deku did nothing but nod and agree to talk after the exercise.
The two failed the activity, far too caught up in each one’s thoughts, but it was the start of a resolution between the troubled teens. They did end up having the long talk Deku insisted on, and were able to come to the least painful conclusion and be able to continue with an improved relationship in the future.
As the semester trudged on, they developed a peer level of comfort with each other. They shared mutual friends, which meant that they slowly were forced to be around each other more, talk more, heal more. On the surface, it seemed that time was healing old wounds. That would all be wonderful (and Deku seemed much happier and comfortable around him), except that Katsuki could not allow himself to be comfortable. Years of being the worst person he could be to everyone in his life could not be forgiven so lightly, he thought. He was not allowed to be happy, or content with his successes, or close to others. He would hurt people. He was bad, fundamentally.
Then, to make matters worse, Katsuki started to realize something horrible. He had started to see Izuku differently.
Deku’s laugh was wide and plainly full of joy.
Someone (Katsuki) could track his freckles with their eyes and find that constellations were scattered there.
He loved to drape himself across the laps of his friends and spend hours talking to them.
When someone wanted to know or talk about anything Hero-related, Deku always perked up and could endlessly explain a Hero’s quirk, costume, or fighting style down to the smallest detail.
Katsuki knew all this because he was the silent observer to the beauty, elegance, and dorkiness that was Izuku.
Oh.
Oh, he liked Midoriya Izuku.
The first week after he became aware of his feelings, he wouldn't even look Deku in the eyes. The twisted feeling in his gut told him that he was disgusting. Whenever he caught himself, eyes glazed over and staring at the other boy, he immediately felt like trash on Earth. He was preying on Deku, who had no idea of his feelings, and probably felt comfortable around the blond for the first time since they were in kindergarten!
Those first few weeks, his brain was like a dark pit. Trying to figure out what to do, how to act around Deku, and if there was anyone he could trust enough to tell. It grew easier overtime, less all-consuming—but his feelings never faded. He suffered in silence as he watched from the sidelines, heart aching.