Work Text:
Jay feels like he is on Cloud 9. It wasn't how he'd pictured it, but he was engaged to Hailey. Hailey Upton was his fiancée. He glances down to see Hailey using his arm as a pillow and smiles to himself.
As if she could feel him staring at her, she turns over and faces him, "Morning," she smiles sleepily.
"Morning," he echoes back, voice raspy from sleep.
"It's our day off," she reminds him.
"Mmm, coffee and waffles?"
"And you," she adds.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Jay goes to get up to start on the waffles and coffee. "Wait," Hailey stops him. When she knows she has his attention, she continues, "We're engaged," she smiles.
"We are," he affirms.
"We should probably talk about living arrangements."
"Can we eat first? I need to tell you something and I don't know-"
"Is everything okay?" Hailey asks concerned.
"Yeah, just… I need to tell you something and I don't know how you're going to take it."
"Okay, we can eat first, but you can tell me anything and I'll love you the same," she grabs his hand.
"I should get started on breakfast," Jay mumbles gently pulling his hand away.
He walks towards Hailey's kitchen, silently trying to work out how to tell her. His head now in the clouds for a different reason.
Hailey silently follows Jay, knowing something is bothering him but decides that now is not the time to push- he seems to want to open up to her on his own and she won't force the issue. Getting into his line of sight, she asks, "Do you need help?"
"No. I can do it."
Hailey can tell that he is off, so she goes up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, "Whatever it is, we're in it together."
Jay makes a non-committal noise and continues to watch as the waffles cook.
"I'm going to get the coffee started," Hailey tells him.
Five minutes later, they are eating at her island in a somewhat uncomfortable silence. Hailey hoping Jay will open up to her and not retreat into himself while Jay tries to work out how to salvage his relationship with the woman he loves.
Jay picks at the last of his food, trying to delay the inevitable. "Are you done?" Hailey asks as he plays with the last few pieces for several minutes.
"Yeah," he responds, voice tight with nerves.
"Let's go to the couch to talk," Hailey suggests, while putting their dishes into the sink, hoping it will be more relaxed there than on stools at her island.
"Okay," Jay follows her. Hailey sits down cross-legged on one end and motions for Jay to do the same.
"Okay, what did you need to tell me?" Hailey asks Jay, her full attention on him.
"Before we get married, I need to tell—no, want to tell you, and it might make you change your mind about us."
Hailey places her right hand on his left knee and her left hand in his right, "This is going to be something we work on together. You're not alone. Just talk to me… this is us—we tackle it together," she promises.
Jay starts several times, but doesn't know how to break it to her gently, eventually spitting out, "I'm divorced."
Hailey nods, processing this new information. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, but I think I should," he answers. "Wait… you're not mad?"
"No, this was before we even met, right?"
Jay nods.
"It was none of my business to know. I'm glad that you shared it with me, but I never want you to feel like you have to tell me everything."
"It's just- when people find out, that's usually the end of a relationship."
"You're not getting rid of me that easily," suspicious of what relationship he is talking about.
"Good. Because I don't want to."
Hailey smiles hearing this, "I love you, Jay. No matter what happens."
"I don't know where to start," Jay admits, her reaction not what he expected.
"What was her name?" Hailey wants to start small.
"Abby Sweeny," Jay answers. "She ran Cultural Support during my last tour in Kandahar. Then a year after I got home, we saw each other at a funeral in Vegas. A guy from our unit had re-deployed and didn't make it," Jay pauses to collect his thoughts.
"I'm sorry about your friend," Hailey whispers squeezing his hand.
Jay nods before continuing, "I wasn't doing great. I had trouble re-adjusting to civilian life, I was blacking out most nights… and him dying shook us both up pretty good. And we got married. It lasted twenty-four hours and was a total joke and long over, or at least I thought it was. I signed the divorce papers thirteen years ago and all Abby had to do was countersign them and file the paperwork. It turned out that she didn't file them… or even sign them. Then maybe a few weeks before we ended up working the credit union case together, Abby came to Chicago, tracked down Will and he told me she was here."
"I was out for a case and when I get back to the district, Abby is outside waiting for me. She tells me that I need to sign divorce papers. I told her I signed them before and this is when I found out she didn't countersign them and that we were still married."
"What made her come to you to get them signed?"
"She told me that she met some guy in Philly- that they were getting married."
"So, you signed them?"
"Not yet. She told me that she doesn't walk around with divorce papers and we should get drinks to catch up, that she was in town for two days. So, I met her at a bar, we caught up and she told me that there was no guy in Philly. That she just wanted to work things out. I told her that it wouldn't work and she should find someone who can love her like she deserves. We signed the papers and this time I filed them."
"Thank you for sharing with me," Hailey squeezes his hand.
"You're not breaking up with me for keeping that a secret?"
"No. That's- you not knowing wasn't your fault. And I don't expect you to tell me everything about your past."
"I'm sorry it took so long. I should have told you before now."
"You don't owe me anything. I love you for you. The kind, caring man that I know you to be."
"I love you for you too."
"Is there anything else you want to talk about?"
"No," he answers, barely meeting her eyes.
"Do you feel better now that you told me?" she asks softly.
"Yeah," Jay admits.
"I love you," she pecks his cheek while squeezing his hand.
"I love you too," he responds.
"Do you want to talk about living arraignments now? Or do you want to save that for later?"
"We can now," Jay answers.
"Okay, since we're engaged," Hailey smiles at the word, "it makes sense that we move in together."
"I agree," he smiles at the thought of living with Hailey.
"What do you want to do? We have two options: one, move into one of our places or two, get a new place together."
"My lease is up in a month and we spend most of our time at your place. I don't mind moving into your apartment. And it is closer to the district."
"We can do that, but I have a question for you first."
"Okay, what is it?"
"If we move you into my apartment and it becomes our apartment; will you feel at home there? I would never want you to feel like a guest in your own home."
"I'll be fine," he tells her, but Hailey can see something in his eyes.
"Jay, my lease is up in three months, but I don't mind breaking it. I want it to be home for both of us, not just somewhere that we sleep. We go in together to get a new apartment and both of our names will be on the lease… we'll be equals."
"Can we think about it?"
"Of course," she responds, "but let's try to decide before your lease is up." Jay gives her a look. "It would be easier if we move into a new place than moving you in here and then moving again."
"Yeah" he agrees.
"Now that all the serious stuff is in the open, do you want to watch a movie?" Hailey asks.
"I thought…"
"I always want you, but I feel like we just talked about some kind of heavy stuff and I don't want to push it."
"I'm fine."
"I know you are, but cuddling and a movie feel right."
"Okay. You pick," Jay tells her.
Hailey grabs the remote and starts surfing through Netflix to find something to watch before getting comfortable leaning into his side.