Chapter Text
Loki dates his existent in this world from his first meeting with Thor Odinson in Downton Abbey; the magnificent manor with its beautiful rooms and stunning decorations of arresting statues, paintings and refined walls of high pillars and ceilings with elegant chandeliers. There Loki sits in the main drawing-room with his betrothed and some of the maids that have gathered around, awaiting the arrival of His Royal Highness, Prince Thor.
The Earl of Downton and the rest of the house staff are in the front courtyard, watching the Morris-Cowley motor-car rapidly approaching. When it finally reaches them and stops, before the chauffeur or anyone else can open the door of the passenger seat, Thor pushes it with a loud cracking sound and stumbles out with a careless grace. His face is flushed and bright blue eyes stare deliriously at the Earl.
“Heimdall,” Thor greets the man who simply nods his head to a footman to take the Prince’s luggage from the back of the motor-car. And that is the first impression that Loki perceives regarding Thor on their first meeting; despondently beautiful and a rather bubbly drunkard, quite contradictory to what he had in mind from the images others had painted of the Prince upon talking with them.
Albeit intoxicated, Thor shakes his hand firmly. “You must be Loki, my most favourite cousin’s fiancé.”
Sigyn giggles at Thor. “Hush you. My sister will be envious of me if she to hear you.”
Thor, who finally realizes the absence of his other cousin, turns his gaze around the room.
“Lady Sif had to be excused. She had an utmost urgent matter in town that needed to be attended,” Heimdall tells him.
One of the footmen, who always serve Thor whenever he is in Downton, assists him in taking off his coat.
“Thank you, Fandral. Send a tray of whiskey to my room. I shall excuse myself for now.” Then he gives a very radiant smile to Loki, a smile that instantly catches his eye and Loki is momentarily breathless. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Loki.”
Loki. The way Thor says his name with a slight drawl due to his intoxicated state, as if they have known each other for years, sounds intimate to his ears. Loki has to suppress the blush that threatens to surface as he watches the Prince exit the drawing-room.
“Is he always like that?” Loki asks Sigyn later as they have their tea in the sitting-room.
Sigyn sighs sadly. “My cousin is quite the drinker. It gets worse as he gets older.”
“No. I did not mean that. Is he always so… direct with others? Instead of referring me as ‘Duke’ or ‘Your Grace’, it is Loki.”
“Ah, you will have to get used to that, darling. Thor was never fond of titles.”
()
Loki spends the rest of the evening in one of the libraries in the south wing, reading ‘The Great Boer War.’ It is a rather dull book accounting every event that happened during the war in South Africa, and so Loki finds his concentration frequently drifting to the images of the drunkard Thor, with his charming smile and bright, feverish eyes.
A small knock pulls back his attention and Loki raises his gaze to the entrance of the library. There stands the golden-haired Prince who seems to be already freshened up for the dinner that will be served in an hour. His face is still red from the alcohol consumption he has taken in his room, but his eyes seem to be more alert than before.
“I cannot understand how you can focus on such a dreadful book so attentively.”
Loki immediately stands up, ready to greet Thor. “My lord.”
“Call me Thor, not milord, it makes me sound like a conspicuously uninteresting man, and I shall call you Loki.”
Loki is speechless and confused by the Prince’s unconventional behaviour, then Thor suddenly realizes the peculiarity of the situation and smiles sheepishly at the other man.
“Your grace, perhaps?”
It takes another moment for Loki to finally recover from his stupor and quickly responds; “As you allow me to refer to you by name, it is only fair that I offer you the same right in return.”
“Splendid!” He steps closer to Loki before sitting himself on the same sofa that Loki had previously occupied.
“Don’t just stand there. Come and sit, Loki. I want to be acquainted with my cousin’s fiancé. Sigyn wrote in her letter that she was betrothed to a Duke but did not tell me more than that. When I received her telegram saying that you were coming to visit Downton Abbey, I thought of shirking my Princely duties to come here. And I did, so here I am!”
“I apologize that you had to abandon—”
“Oh, don’t be. Actually I want to thank you. If not for you, I would still be toiling over some tedious task in the palace. Balder does everything better when I am not around anyway, he is the golden son, after all. Now tell me, how did you meet Sigyn? Was it love at first sight? Please do not say this is an arranged marriage because that will just be unexciting and horrid.”
It is also at this moment that Loki becomes attentive of the sudden warmness coiling inside him. Thor’s abiding attention of him is a surprise. He is watching Loki as if he is the one and only person to exist in the world. No one, not even Sigyn, had ever bestowed on him this kind of interest and Loki immediately becomes self-conscious but determined to impress Thor.
Little does he know that this is when he gradually develops an unconditional affinity for this strangely alluring man.
()
For the first three days of his stay in Downton Abbey, Loki spends his morning until luncheon with Sigyn and sometimes they will have tea together with Sif. He only sees Heimdall during breakfast, lunch, dinner and, sometimes, supper; as he is always busy with the affairs of Downton. The day always feel so long and insipid, a monotonous routine that becomes a haze at the back of his mind. When there is nothing to occupy his time, he explores the magnificent libraries and is already planning to tour every room in the manor. Heimdall had already given his consent.
He has already found five libraries before that fateful evening of his meeting with Thor in the Crimson Library. Loki feels utterly and completely purposeful in his life, feeling exuberantly alive for the first time.
In the morning he finds Thor inside his room, drinking port as he stares out through the high window. When he is aware of Loki’s eyes on him, he turns a dopey smile at the man in the bed.
If Thor continues at this rate, Loki is quite certain that the Prince will be highly intoxicated by luncheon. He wonders if Thor raids the wine cellar in the basement when everyone is asleep.
“Good morning, my dear. Sigyn wishes to have breakfast in the garden-room with the others. I will have to excuse myself as I already told Fandral that I shall have breakfast in my room. I ordered Fandral to ask erm— your valet—”
“Hogun.”
“Yes, Hogun. That lad always looks awfully grim, does he not? Anyway, Hogun informed Fandral of your meal preference; marinated salmon and poached eggs, roasted tomatoes and pickles. How peculiar! He shall serve them in my room. I included veal-and-ham pie and lemon cream cake to the menu. I love eating those for breakfast! Let’s have a lovely breakfast together, unless you wish to be with your fiancée and your future in-laws. We have been spending so much time together, have we not?”
Loki has to agree with Thor there.
This was Loki’s sixth day in Downton and Thor’s third, and it seemed that most of his days had been largely occupied by the Prince. After their first day of meeting they had gone to explore half of the house together. The next day they had played poker after dinner and Thor had even spent two hours in Loki’s room, coaxing the Duke into reading something to him; a bedtime story, as Thor would like to call it.
And yesterday they had spent the entire day in town visiting every shop they had come across. Sigyn had been a little upset that he had been so engaged with Thor, but eventually forgave him when he had remained in the drawing-room after dinner. Sif and Thor had soon joined them and they had all settled down to listen to Sigyn read ‘Under the Autumn Star.’
As the minutes had passed and Sigyn’s voice filled the room, Loki’s eyes had wandered to the other man sat opposite him. Thor sipping his sherry, absolutely immersed in Sigyn’s story-telling. Loki had lost all interest in the tale the moment his eyes had settled on Thor’s striking profile. Loki raised his cocktail to his lips, letting the liquid flow into his mouth when Thor abruptly turned his gaze and winked at him. He’d choked and nearly spilled some of his cocktail. Sif had simply given him a confused look while Sigyn had been all over him to make sure he was alright.
Loki had gone to his bedroom after that with Thor trailing behind him. As soon as he’d reached the door, he’d quickly entered his room and shut the door in Thor’s face. That would teach the Prince for making him look like a fool in front of the others.
Of course, looking at the golden-haired man now, Loki was not surprised to see Thor, who’d apparently found a way to unlock the door to his bedroom.
Thor sips his port and steps closer to the bed. His bright blue eyes linger on Loki in such a way that he can feel his skin flushing under Thor’s scrutiny. “So what shall it be? Breakfast with me?”
“You had me on salmon.”
“Excellent! I shall inform the rest that you will be joining me for breakfast.”
Thor then promptly tilts his head and presses his warm lips to Loki’s forehead. A soft gasp escapes between Loki’s lips as he stares at Thor with wide eyes, his heart thrumming loudly against his chest as he feels all the blood rush to his face. A strange heat flutters in his stomach and Loki is momentarily stunned.
A gentle smile adorns Thor’s lips. “It’s a good morning kiss. Mother always did that to me until Balder stole all of her attention.”
A subtle change passes through Thor’s visage. Something dark and poignant. But before he could confirm what he sees, Thor turns his back to Loki and walks to the bedroom door. He reaches for the knob and tells Loki that he shall meet him in his room in half an hour.
()
In the servant’s quarter, Hogun and Fandral are taking a quick meal before their call. Earlier, their breakfast with the rest of the house staff had been interrupted when the Prince had rang them. Volstagg, the Head Cook of Downton, had stashed some toast, bacon and poached eggs for them while they attended to the Duke and the Prince.
“It seems to me that His Royal Highness has bewitched His Grace,” comments Fandral.
Hogun responds quietly, “It is none of our business if His Grace wishes to be with the Prince.”
The Ladyships’ maid, who has been listening to their conversation as she is passing by, steps into the kitchen and interrupts them. “But it is odd that His Grace would rather spend time with a drunkard that he just met rather than Her Ladyship who he has known for far longer and intends to marry at that!”
“Amora, that is callous of you!”
“Honestly Fandral, how could you respect such a disgraceful man as Prince Thor?”
Volstagg appears behind her and booms angrily, “Enough, Amora! Neither would I like to hear anymore heinous words from you, nor do I want to see your repulsive self in this kitchen right now. If you have business here, say it quick and scamper off!”
Amora glares at the big, burly man before she looks at Hogun. “Her Ladyship calls for you.”
()
Loki is enjoying his breakfast and he can see that Thor is profoundly pleased. A knock on the door alerts Thor and he calls in the person. A surly-looking man steps in and bows to Thor and Loki. The Prince greets the man with a cheery grin.
“Hello, Hogun. Did Sigyn send you here?”
“Yes, my lord. Her Ladyship wishes to see His Grace in the Japanese Room after breakfast.”
The Japanese Room is the only sitting-room in Downton that is designed with Victorian Japanese paintings and ornaments and where the walls are adorned with sakura tree wallpaper. He has been there once when Sigyn invited him for tea with her sister during his first day of stay in Downton. Loki suppresses a sigh and responds nonchalantly. “Very well. I will be there in a few minutes.”
When Hogun leaves the room, Thor looks at him sheepishly as his blue eyes twinkle with amusement.
“It seems that my favourite cousin is envious of our companionship. She must be missing you! I apologize for always stealing you away with me. You must be missing her terribly too.”
Loki mentally ponders the blasé reaction that he is currently feeling. He has not pined for his fiancée for the last two days and he is not even concerned if she yearns for his presence.
“You don’t have to be sorry, Thor. I really enjoy of our time together and I’m looking forward to entertaining myself with you today. After I spend an hour with Sigyn, let’s meet in the garden-room and carry on with our exploration. I would love to inspect the garden.”
Thor laughs. “You astound me, Loki! The most charming and delightful man I have ever come across. I am genuinely fond of you right at this moment.”
And this time, Loki does not mind at all if Thor witnesses his flushing face. His heart is swelling with a very peculiar kind of feeling as he carries on with his meal.
()
Their little private breakfast is forced to be a one-time affair as Sigyn claims that she is seeing Loki less and insists he indulge in some time with her during their mealtime. She also promises not to interrupt any of her fiancé’s business with her cousin as long as he is always available whenever Sigyn desires to have tea with him.
“I am pleased that you are quite attached to Thor even though his drinking habit is repulsive to anyone who meets him. Nevertheless, I find it’s unfair that my cousin occupies most of your time while your fiancée has to seek you out and request your presence.”
At first, Loki is terribly annoyed and affronted that she could simply dictate how he wishes to spend his time in Downton. He is already livid by the time the Prince meets him in the garden-room, so he informs Thor of his current predicament. But Thor wheedles him into consenting with her as long as they could spend more time together.
“Not to worry. My cousins spend most of their time attending tea parties in town. Sigyn will probably have tea with you twice or thrice in the next few days. Really, Loki… how many times have you had tea with her since arriving in Downton? I guess twice. And I know I am right just by looking at your face. Come now, let’s move on with our adventure in the garden. I brought lemonade for you and champagne for myself. Fandral even packed some ham sandwiches and cheesecake that Volstagg had baked for luncheon! Bless those lads!”
()
Loki is betrothed to Sigyn for her dowry. On his father’s deathbed, Laufey had confessed to Loki and his two brothers, Byleistr and Helblindi, of their financial predicament which threatened their livelihood and their assets. Soon they would be bankrupt and their lawyers could not provide any funds to save their estate and maintains their other businesses.
Sigyn’s dowry was their only salvation, Laufey insinuated as such. Because of the desperation and despondency of the situation and its imminent outcome, Loki had not been given the opportunity to think of any other means but to propose the sister of the Earl of Downton.
It seemed to him that all this time since his first meeting with Sigyn at a charity ball, an event that Laufey has forced him to attend on behalf of his father, had been a plot orchestrated simply to make his acquaintance with Sigyn. Laufey had known that he would be charmed by Sigyn’s intelligence whilst she would be enamored by whatever it was that she saw in Loki.
But her appeal eroded after they’d gotten engaged during mid-spring, two months after Laufey’s death. He’d made himself busy with matters of the estate while his two brothers looked after the family businesses. Then, just like every week, he had received a letter from Sigyn, but this time the content of her letter had piqued his curiosity of the unknown. Sigyn has cordially invited him to stay with her in Downton Abbey and Loki could not resist accepting such a request. Downton was well-known for its beauty that is both breathtaking and moving. Everyone who had been a guest and stayed there long enough claimed they left with a sense of transformation within themselves.
He’d been essentially awed by Downton Abbey at the beginning of his stay... But when Loki had met Thor and acquired an incongruous affinity for the poignant man, Loki grasped that Downton and its beauty would never affect him as much as Thor did.
()
Thor’s bright blue eyes, like the enchanting hazy blue of a summer sky, have drawn Loki like a moth that is beckoned to a light. Thor, the beautiful Prince who spends most of his days drinking brandy, champagne, port, sherry, vermouth, whisky; attracts him with his booming laughter as he cheerfully drags Loki around, not that he needs to be convinced to be with Thor, and showers him with unconditional devotion which Loki laps up willingly and enthusiastically. And when Thor is sober, like that particular day that they went to town, Loki sees something melancholic in his gait and his deep blue eyes smouldering like a storm. All of this, sober and intoxicated Thor, appeals to Loki incessantly.
Sometimes Loki wonders when it all started; when he was no longer able to think of anything but Thor, when the first thing that came into his mind every morning was ‘what shall I do today with Thor’, when he started to be genuinely content with life and think of the future, a future that did not include his fiancée but Thor. Though he still wonders what it is all supposed to mean, but he is never truly bothered by these thoughts.
Every day, Thor would slip into his bedroom at the crack of dawn and waits until he woke up to kiss Loki on the forehead which always left a pleasant tingling feeling inside his chest. Then they would have their breakfast with the Earl and his two sisters, Loki sitting next to his fiancée and Thor beside Lady Sif. Loki would watch Thor furtively, trailing his gaze over every inch of his tanned skin, the elegant slope of his nose, the subtle curl of his golden eyelashes and the peppering of sun-kissed facial hair across his jaw. Eyes staring fixatedly as Thor’s throat bobbed when he sipped his black coffee and his pink lips glistening when he licked them.
Loki is always taken aback by his beauty.
Then they would explore Downton together as they walk along the hallways and hidden passages with their shoulders brushing and hands grazing like a lover’s whisper. When Loki finds a new room that is filled with books, they tumble onto the sofa, a book in Loki’s hand, and Thor’s head will find its way to Loki’s lap and he will read until his throat is parched. When the weather is fine and dandy, they will have a picnic in the garden with a basket of fresh strawberries, apricot-jam sandwiches, apple tarts, vanilla cream cake, rhubarb pie, chocolate butter cookies, lemonade and champagne, all while traipsing and giggling like two little boys under the sun. And sometimes Thor will sneak his two arms around Loki’s waist from behind and pull their bodies close together.
Loki feels extraordinarily happy and forgets the existent of all but themselves. And Loki finds himself seeking and cherishes more moments like this. It still does not bother him that he feels this way, that Sigyn is not the cause of this incandescent euphoria that awakens within him.
For several days they stay that way, as Loki immerses himself deeply into their secret world; desiring not only to be with Thor, but with the man who inspires this strange feeling within him that he cannot decipher nor find it in him to be concerned about. It makes him feel felicitously whole.
Unfortunately, Sigyn keeping her promise to not disturb their business, as she refers to it, is short-lived. It is Thor’s eleventh day and Loki’s fourteenth day stay in Downton when Sigyn remarks during their usual breakfast that she wants Loki to accompany her to town. He, with a forced smile, agrees to be her escort. Their outing in town consists of mundane luncheon and insipid tea parties hosted by Sigyn’s debutante friends. It is so terribly dreadful that he wishes to be anywhere but there. It is only later that night, after they have had their supper in a place that served turtle soup, fricasseed chicken, vol-au-vent of mushroom, braised capon, and Italian cream cake, that they could go back to Downton. The food is undeniably delicious but Loki chooses not to notice it as he thinks about how lonely Thor would be without him. Probably raiding the wine cellar, he thinks affectionately. Loki sorely misses his golden Prince.
As soon as his feet touch Downton soil, he leaves Sigyn’s side with a quick good night and goes to search for Thor. Fandral informs him that the Prince has taken his leave early and so he rushes off to Thor’s room. It is locked and Loki goes to his own room dismayed.
The next morning when he wakes up, with a number of bad dreams accompanying his sleep throughout the night, Loki glances to his window where Thor normally likes to be. He sees no one there and so with a pang of disappointment he sits up and sighs forlornly.
A shuffle of paper catches his attention and there is Thor sitting on the sofa with a book in his hand. Something finally lifts off Loki’s chest and he has the sudden urge to hug and strangle Thor at the same time.
Realizing that Loki is already awake, Thor breaks the silence in the room, “How would you feel if you found out you are in love with a person who is already attached to another?”
He blinks at the puzzling query and before he can give a response Thor raises the book, Loki can see the title Under the Autumn Star, and he explains, “Knut finds out he is attracted to the Captain’s wife, Lovise. But he moves on with his life, away from Lovise. It is depressing. Love is supposed to make one content. If I am in love, I want to be with that person for eternity.”
“Even if she is married?”
Thor merely shrugs his shoulders. Then he stands up and places the book on the coffee table and moves to Loki’s bed. An anxious feeling overwhelms Loki and he knows he is already flushing profusely as his stomachs flutters helplessly. Loki raises his head higher, uncertain of the reason he is doing so but only knows that he wants to feel and smell more of Thor. A day without Thor is like a drought of summer in the land of Palestine.
Thor’s lips end up on Loki’s nose and he could feel Thor smiling into the kiss.
Then he pulls away and looks into Loki’s eyes, lips still curved in amusement. “Good morning.”
“Good morning to you.”
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” Loki whispers, his eyes locked onto doting summer blue. His heart stammers when he realizes for the first time that Thor is happily sober. The Prince always has the air of gloom and weariness when he is not intoxicated which Loki finds fascinating too. But seeing his golden Prince clear-headed without a touch of grimness in his manner and feature causes his heart to soar.
Loki grins brightly at him and declares with excitement, “We shall have our breakfast in here. Sigyn had me yesterday. We deserve to spend the morning together!”
Loki informs Hogun of his arrangement and requests for that day’s breakfast to be sent to his room with additional requests of pickled herrings and sour cream for himself and meringue with whipped cream for Thor.
Unfortunately, Loki’s plan to spend his time with Thor alone is thwarted when he sees the two maids preparing extra silverwares and a seat. Thor watches them curiously for a while and when they are done, he calls for one of the maids that goes by the name Jane to query the extra guest, and Loki glares furiously when he sees the girl blush under the Prince’s gaze.
“I am told that Her Ladyship is to have breakfast here with His Highness and His Grace,” replies Jane.
Sigyn arrives with a brilliant smile. And Loki has to force himself to kiss Sigyn on the cheek no matter how incensed he is feeling at that moment.
“Good morning, gentlemen. I am sorry to barge in without an invitation. I am merely curious at why my fiancé would rather take his breakfast with my cousin than with the others. And I feel quite bereft if I do not see Loki in the morning.”
Sigyn looks at the food on the table and raise one delicate eyebrow when he sees the pickled herrings. “Oh darling, if you really insist on having all the delicacies of pickled seafood, I could tell the Head Cook to add it in the breakfast menu. I apologize for being unaware of your taste preference throughout your stay in Downton. I am a poor hostess and fiancée.”
Loki is just too annoyed with Sigyn’s sudden meddling to say anything so, Thor responds with a smile of his own, light but grim. “You aren’t, my dearest. Besides, how did you know the pickled herrings are for Loki? Those may be for me.”
Sigyn giggles. “When one spends time with you, one comes to realise that you have a ridiculous sweet tooth. The meringue is obviously for you.”
The breakfast affair becomes the starting point which Loki deems his fiancée to be the most bothersome individual he has ever known. And for the rest of the day Loki is hopelessly frustrated. Sigyn seems to intrude upon every single leisure activity that Thor and Loki usually do together. She demands for a picnic luncheon in the garden and to make matters worse, Sif is also pulled along and Loki wonders if Sigyn is capable of a constructing ploy to prevent him having a single private moment with Thor.
Sigyn and Sif speak of everything while Loki only concentrates in sharing the cold pheasant pie and blueberry dumplings with Thor. This is his only opportunity to sit close to the Prince, to feel that Thor is still there and no one is going to come between them.
()
Fandral runs into the two giggling maids who have just finished preparing the silverware on the dinner table and are leaving the room. “Jane and Darcy. What a lovely sight to see you two so amused. Care to share what has you so merry?”
Darcy smirks, “Jane is fawning over His Highness again.”
“Isn’t he beautiful, Fandral?”
“Jane, you silly girl, you always say the same thing every time he’s in Downton.”
“But this time he seems happy. So alive. So vibrant!” Jane nearly squeals at the end of her statement while Darcy simply rolls her eyes in amusement.
Then Darcy turns serious eyes on them. “Don’t you think there is something queer going on between His Highness and His Grace?”
Before anyone could reply the Head Butler of Downton, Erik Selvig, walks into the parlour and stares sternly at Fandral, Jane, and Darcy. “Is there any reason for the three of you to congregate here?”
All three of them apologize immediately, “Sorry, Mr. Selvig.”
“Won’t happen again,” Fandral adds on with a charming smile at the butler before the three of them go their separates ways to complete their duties for the day.
()
Dinner in Downton turns into a reticent affair and only the occasional exchange of words between Sif and Sigyn accompanies the quiet clamour of the silverware. It is common for Heimdall to not speak with anyone during the rest of the dinner, but Thor’s usual liveliness seems to be absent and there is the familiar sombreness on his features and storm in his dark blue eyes that Loki had not seen during the day.
Loki’s hand tightens on his knife as he cuts through his second course of mutton haunch as he thinks of the unsatisfactory and disappointing day he had had to go through. Perhaps Thor feels as he does, explaining his misery.
“Oh, what a wonderful idea!” Sigyn unexpectedly declares and Loki snaps out of his thoughts. He looks at his fiancée, a little baffled with the sudden exclamation but soon realizes that Sif must have said something to elicit such a vigorous response.
Sigyn giggles at the look she receives from Loki and simply says, “Let’s go hunting tomorrow.”
Sif, who shares the same enthusiasm as her sister, smiles. “It’s been a while since the hounds have enjoyed a hunt. Tomorrow will be a perfect day for hunting! If Lady Luck is on our side, our dear hounds may catch a few foxes.”
“I must refuse,” Heimdall immediately interjects.
“It is alright, brother. We know that you must be present for the Conservative Men to choose the new chairman. ”
Then Sigyn turns to look at her fiancé with a grin. “Sleipnir is our most docile horse. You can have him, darling.”
Loki has to force another smile to his fiancée and it seems to him that this situation is becoming painful to endure. He wonders if Sigyn could see how unhappy he is right now and if this is another chastisement towards him for spending more time with her cousin than her for the past few days. He knows that Sigyn is not an imbecile; otherwise he would not have been attracted to her in the first place.
Something is going on…
His eyes widen as the sudden realization hits him. Sigyn is jealous. She must be displeased with the recent lack of attention from her fiancé and is committing this childish but apt ploy for Loki’s attention. He is completely and utterly offended and outraged at Sigyn’s selfishness. They would tie the knot next year and by then Sigyn would have him for the rest of her life. It is incredulous that she sought so much of him right now and Loki wonders if this is her show of possessiveness over him.
Loki has to control himself from doing something un-gentlemanly, like slamming his eating utensils on the table and yelling at her insensibility.
Thor, whose summer blue eyes only need to glance at him to breathe life into his soul, had captured him and marked every essence of Loki, and he could not let go of the fire that Thor had sparked within him. He was not going to lose Thor because of a lady with malicious emotions.
The exultant chatter between Sigyn and Sif fills the dining room. Loki wonders if Thor realizes the intent of this wicked green-eyed monster that happens to be his favourite cousin. But the worst thought that comes over Loki is that this lady is his fiancée. His intended. Loki’s future.
And abruptly, Loki finds himself questioning his engagement with Sigyn.
Loki lets his gaze wander over Thor when the golden prince orders cognac from Fandral and the excitement in the room gradually vanishes. Everyone in the room watches surreptitiously as Thor consumes his poison. Heimdall looks like he is glaring at his food, Sif cuts her mutton a little too hard and Sigyn becomes subdued as she speaks to her sister. This, however, is a familiar scene that Loki has discerned ever since the first dinner they had with Thor. Their abhorrence for his golden prince is evidently plain on their faces.
Loki thinks how vilipend they perceive Thor and how only Loki could see him in a different light and genuinely appreciates him for who he was.
()
It is the middle of the night when Loki hears movement in his bedroom. His mind, though hazy from sleep, immediately warns him that an intruder is inside the room and his hand reaches instinctively for the small knife under his pillow before his eyes snap open. And just like that morning there is Thor, sitting on the sofa, though with a glass of red wine in hand in place of the book. On the coffee table is a lit candle, a bottle of Merlot and a half-eaten bar of chocolate.
Loki sits up and glares groggily at Thor. “It’s late and we shall be hunting early in the morn.”
“I shan’t go hunting. I used to love it until nine years ago. I cannot stomach anymore killing. I am uncertain if Sif has knowledge of this but Sigyn is aware of it and yet she wants to go hunting. With you, certainly! But to suggest that in which she knows I find no joy in? Such an inconsiderate woman!”
“I thought she was your favourite cousin.”
“Not anymore. She is exactly like Balder. Balder took Mother away from me. I do not care for Father though. He pushed me too hard and I despise him for that. His subjects like to call him Odin the Wise, but he is not. Odin the Wicked, that he is. And now Sigyn is taking you away from me. I am very much devoted to you, do you know that?”
Thor sips his wine and continues with a tone of sorrow, “I am very contrite that I woke you up. You look so lovely when you sleep. I shall leave you in a minute.”
“Don’t. I—” Loki leaves his bed and goes to sit on the sofa next to Thor. “If it’s any comfort to you, I’d rather like you to stay here longer. The day did not turn out so well and I still miss you... What happened nine years ago?”
There is a wistful smile on Thor’s lips. “Remember that book you were reading the first day we met? I was only twenty-two during the last year of Boer war and many had perished by then. We fought the Transvaal and the Oranje Vrijstaat. The guerrilla campaign was traumatising. Just witnessing those people dying around me gave me nightmares, even now. Most of them died of illness. There were diseases that spread all through the ranks. They were my comrades, you see; my brothers. The worst was the children that we sent to the concentration camp. Every night there were new bodies and they kept piling up. It ended up being a mass burial. I left one night and I never looked back.”
It is devastating for Loki to see the man before him. Thor is incandescently miserable with an air of darkness about him. But he is still oppressively beautiful behind that grimness. Loki wonders how such a broken man could bring him so much delight, could bring back the youth that he thought he had lost a long time ago. Nonetheless, it still does not change his affection for this golden prince. Everything that had caused pleasure and misery to Thor is what made Thor the man he is now, and Loki wants to commit this moment to his memory, so that the next time Loki is in despair, he shall never feel alone as he remembers this particular night.
Thor raises the wine glass to Loki with a rueful grin. “This gives me a great comfort.”
You never look back, but you never let go either, Loki wants to say but instead he takes the half-empty glass from Thor, fills it with more red wine until the brim and then downs the entire glass. Thor looks at him in amazement.
“You will have an awful morning after.”
“Don’t care.” Loki fills the glass again.
Thor chuckles and hands him the bar of chocolate. “You should try this dark chocolate. It goes well with the wine.”
()
Thor is right. The morning after is horrendous. He has the most terrible headache and the sun is shining far too brightly for so late into summer. Bless Hogun for the hot towels. When Sigyn finds out, she is exceptionally furious and if not the fact he was suffering a massive hangover, he would have cheered merrily.
“I am very distraught, Loki. You should be ashamed of yourself. We shall talk more of this after I come back from the hunt.” Then Sigyn leaves him to his peaceful resting.
Hogun merely sighs but there is a hint of amusement in his eyes as he hands him a cup of coffee. “May I speak my mind, Your Grace?”
“Speak.”
“Mr. Selvig was mortified to find that there was three Merlot and two Burgundy wine bottle missing from the basement. Perhaps His Grace knows what happened to them?”
Loki smirks at his valet. “I was not involved with such pillaging, Hogun. However, Thor is brilliant when it comes to raiding the wine cellar. I only drink his loot.”
()
During dinner Loki is surprised and annoyed to see everyone is glaring openly at Thor and not himself, as if Thor is at fault for luring him to drink. The talk that Sigyn promised to have with him happens after dinner, but it is Sif who approaches him.
Everyone, including the Earl himself, follows Sigyn to the drawing-room. In her hand is a blue hardcover entitled The Tangled Skein, which she had started reading to them three nights ago. Loki narrows his eyes at her chosen novels so far. First it was Under the Autumn Star, a tale about the woeful love of a forlorn wanderer, and now a tragic romantic tale that so far tells of jealousy, manipulation and unfulfilled desire. It is dauntingly sinister and deems like an imminent omen to Loki.
Thor is a few steps ahead of him and is already inside the room with Heimdall and Sigyn when he feels a soft hand grasp his arm firmly. Loki turns his head and narrows his eyes at Sif’s cold gaze.
“My Lady?”
“I wish to speak to you for a moment. Let’s go to the foyer, shall we? Thor will not miss your absence for a while.
Loki cannot help but notice the subtle hint of repugnance in her tone when she speaks of Thor and instinctively he glares at her as he feels defensive on Thor’s behalf.
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
Sif ignores him as she turns away. With the enormous amount of control that Loki has to hold onto, he trails behind her in a livid state until they reach the foyer to the Summer Parlour.
“You are obviously fond of my cousin, aren’t you?” Sif imposes on him immediately.
“Why, certainly! Does it matter to you?”
“It does matter to me because you are my sister’s fiancée, no matter how much I rejected the notion of you marrying her. Sigyn’s happiness is mine too and she is content with you. Why would I do something to jeopardize your relationship with Sigyn? But Thor will drag you down with him. The missing wine is clearly his fault and I cannot believe you would let yourself get involved. You must know that Thor is a disappointment to his family, especially to his father, and to his country. Don’t let yourself be ruined by him.”
“Is he a disappointment to his country because he ran away from a war that also sent children to a concentration camp? Is he a disappointment to his family because he drinks and they have no idea what kind of misery he is enduring alone? None of you wants to take the time to hear his woe and be there for him. All of you are just bloody idiots who only care for your damn tea parties and charity balls hosted by pompous bastards!” Loki yells in outrage. He has never felt so much anger in his life and he does not care that he just cursed in front of a lady that will soon be his sister-in-law. Perhaps not, he thinks, for the thought of this damn woman as his in-law, who speaks ill of Thor, is just appalling.
What truly bothers him is that he finally realizes the actual cause of Thor’s misery. And Loki grieves for him.
Disappointment to his family, to his father, and to his country.
His heart grips painfully, so he leaves Sif hastily and rushes to his room, locks the door and falls to his hands and knees. It is also at this moment of despair, without the least expecting it, that he finally understands this intriguing fascination and endless devotion for his golden prince.
Loki finds himself hopelessly and violently in love with Thor.