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“-and then,” Rhodey paused to stifle his laughter as he tried to tell Tony about the flight into New York, “she jumped over the seat and started doing a weird exorcist type crawl all the way from her spot to the back of the plane, and she got there only to find there was no onboard bar.”
“People are starting to reach new levels of stupid,” Tony muttered as he flicked on the indicator and turned onto the ramp that led towards his underground garage, “she could have done the sensible thing and tried to sneak a small bottle onto the plane.”
“You don’t need to tell me that,” Rhodey said with a snort, “on a separate matter though, where’s Happy? Why are you driving your own car around the city?”
“I gave him the day off, he’s got heart eyes for a lady at the moment and was wanting to pick her up from work and take her on a Christmas Eve date.”
“And you let him?”
“Dial back the surprise a bit there Honeybear,” Tony said, “I’m not a total asshole.”
“Not totally, but I know you,” Rhodey said, “and I know there’s more to it than that.”
“Fine, he’s dating the kid’s aunt,” Tony admitted, “and she’s actually had a rough time of it lately and deserves some happiness.”
“The kid as in Spider-Man?” Rhodey asked, seeming shocked, although Tony didn’t ask whether that was at Happy dating the kid’s aunt or his own sympathy for the woman.
“That’s the one,” Tony agreed, “I’ll need to introduce you to him, I forget that you haven’t met him as a regular person yet. He’s great, talks a lot though.”
“Reminds me of someone else I know,” Rhodey said.
“That hurts Honeybear, that really cuts deep,” Tony muttered as he put the car into park and climbed out.
“Hey, I didn’t name and shame you,” his best friend argued,as he jogged behind him into the tower to catch up, “you’re the one who assumed I meant you.”
“Was I wrong?”
“Well, no.”
“Exactly, so-” he broke off suddenly.
“Tones? You alright?”
“That’s blood,” Tony muttered as he pointed at an ominous drop in the middle of the corridor, “F.R.I.D.A.Y. what’s going on?”
“I can’t tell you,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. replied.
“Can’t- you what?”
“I promised I wouldn’t say anything.”
“If you don’t tell me exactly what is going on right now I’m going to donate you to a high school science class,” Tony threatened.
“No you won’t,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. replied, “but if you wish to find out what’s happening I would recommend heading to the main bathroom on the seventh floor.”
Tony instantly began storming towards one of the lifts that would take him to his destination, only to make it one step and be instantly pulled to a halt by Rhodey.
“I don’t like this man,” he muttered, “F.R.I.D.A.Y. doesn’t keep things from you , someone has made her.”
“Look, I don’t like this any more than you do,” Tony hissed back, “but we have to figure out who’s bleeding all over my tower.”
“F.R.I.D.A.Y., does the injured person know we’re here?” Tony asked.
“Negative, would you like me to inform him?”
“No.”
Rhodey pulled a gun from his waistband and clicked the safety off, “I’ve got your back, man.”
Tony’s nanobots created a thruster around his hand, successfully arming himself against the threat that lingered in his home.
Together they rode the elevator up to the seventh floor, the gentle jingling music that was playing in the background had once seemed like a funny joke but now felt much more uncomfortable than amusing.
“What’s the plan?” Tony muttered as the slowly stride towards the bathroom in question.
“How about I go in first?” Rhodey suggested, “whoever is in there most likely is expecting you or security to turn up, so if I go in first maybe it’ll knock them off guard enough to get some information out of them.”
“Sounds good,” Tony said, “just be careful though, I think they’re already hurt and we don’t know what caused their injury.”
“Noted, let’s expect another armed assailant to be in there with the injured trespasser.”
“On three?” Tony suggested with a grin as they both hovered outside the door.
“What are you? A child?” Rhodey asked before bursting through the door with enough energy to break through a lock, except the door wasn’t locked.
Three things happened simultaneously; rhodey flew across the bathroom and bounced off the sink before falling on his back, Tony slipped on a wad of bloody toilet roll and skidded across the tiled floor with flailing arms before crashing down to the ground, and Peter - who was sitting on the edge of the bathtub fell backwards into it with an almighty shriek.
“Mr. Stark?” Peter asked, “what are you doing here?”
“What am I- Peter what are you doing here?”
“Is that Colonel Rhodes?” Peter asked rather than answering the question, “wait… is that a gun? Mr. Stark was War Machine going to shoot me?”
“Peter?” Rhodey muttered from the floor. “Wait, you know him?”
“I do, Peter meet Rhodey, Rhodey meet Peter - this is Spider-Man.”
“ That’s Spider-Man?” Rhodey shouted as he scrambled to his feet.
At the same time Peter fumbled his way out of the bathtub with a panicked shout, “Mr. Stark, no! It’s a secret identity for a reason and the reason is literally in the name - secret identity.”
“Kid, Honeybear won’t hurt you,” Tony said rolling his eyes at the very idea.
“Not cool, Mr. Stark,” Peter mumbled, face paling as the adrenaline began wearing off, and he sat back heavily on the edge of the bathtub.
“So he’s the one who is bleeding?” Rhodey asked curiously.
That reminded Tony instantly of the droplets of blood that they had seen that had led them to Peter and the bloodied tissue he had nearly broken his neck on.
“Kid?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Alright, before you say anything, it looks so much worse than it is,” Peter said.
“ Kid.”
“I was just swinging around, you know, making sure everything was alright and helping some lady carry her shopping home - her kids and grandkids are flying in today from London and they’re having a big family Christmas for the first time in nine years, how cool is that?”
“Very cool,” Tony said patiently, “but what does that have to do with you bleeding all over my tower?”
“I’m getting there, I promise,” Peter said.
“You weren’t wrong,” Rhodey muttered, “he does talk a lot.”
“Hey!” Peter protested, “Mr. Stark! Were you saying bad things about me to War Machine? I was gonna try and make a good impression!”
“A good impression? Kid, he almost shot you and then fell and landed in your blood.”
“That’s not, not a good impression though, right?” Peter asked.
“I’ve certainly had worse,” Rhirey confirmed, humouring the kid.
“Not important,” Tony interrupted, “the blood.”
“Oh yeah, so it’s been nine years since they’ve all been together and-”
“ Peter!” Tony snapped, “where exactly are you bleeding from?”
“Oh, uh, my thigh,” Peter said.
“Alright, and what caused the wound?” Rhodey asked.
“A knife.”
“So you were stabbed in the leg?” Tony asked him.
“Technically yes, but not intentionally,” Peter said, words pouring out in an attempt to defend his supposed attacker, “the lady had bought a new knife set from a thrift store and they hadn’t wrapped them properly for some reason - maybe they just didn’t know how to - but anyways I ended up hitting the bag off my leg while walking and the knife went straight through like butter. Really it’s a good thing it was me and not her.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Oh I’m used to being stabbed, and I heal quicker,” Peter said with a shrug.
“He’s used to being stabbed?” Rhodey mouthed at Tony.
“Right, we’re going to deal with everything that’s wrong with that sentence later but first let’s stop you from bleeding out on Christmas Eve.”
“Thanks Mr. Stark,” Peter said.
Carefully, Tony and Rhodey supported Peter on either side and helped him hobble out of the bathroom and down towards the empty medbay.
“Why are we going here?” Peter asked, “isn’t everyone at home for Christmas?”
“Yeah, but it’ll have gauze and bandages for your leg, you know - actual medical equipment rather than tissue.”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Peter mumbled with a shrug.
“Why? Why on earth would that seem like a better idea than just asking for help?”
“We’ll, F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me that you were picking up colonel Rhodes from the airport and I didn’t want to be a bother,” Peter admitted.
“That reminds me, I still need to lecture you about making F.R.I.D.A.Y. keep your secrets earlier,” Tony said.
“Wait, she actually did?” Peter asked in shock, “I wasn’t convinced she would! Thanks F.R.I.”
“You’re Welcome Peter.”
“No,” Tony said quickly, helping Peter to sit on one of the first aid gurneys in the medbay, “you are not welcome, that is completely inappropriate F.R.I.D.A.Y.”
“Maybe,” Peter agreed, “but I appreciate the thought behind it.”
“Thought?” Rhodey asked, “it’s a computer program? It has no thoughts.”
“Wow,” Tony muttered, “maybe I should have let you get an Uber from the airport.”
“What, it’s true?”
“Right, kid, let’s see what we’re dealing with here while Rhodey rethinks his words.”
After having a look at the wound, which had fortunately already started to heal on it's own, Tony was pleased to note that it would just need a clean to make sure all the dirt and tissue was gone and covered up while Peter’s spidey abilities finished the job they’d already begun.
He carefully rootled through a store cupboard in search of the necessary materials when he felt a presence behind him.
“Jeez, Honeybear, you need a bell or something.”
“So how long have you known?”
“Known what?”
“That he’s your kid,” Rhodey said as though it were obvious.
Tony choked on his own saliva, turning to stare at his oldest friend in surprise, “you think he’s mine?”
“Come on, Tones, I have eyes. I see the relationship you guys have. You’re such a mother hen and he looks at you with such respect and love that it’s impossible not to notice.”
“Look, man, I’m telling you honestly here, as your best friend - I’m not his dad.”
“Huh,” Rhodey muttered, “really?”
“Really.”
“I think that’s the most surprising thing of the day.”
Tony snorted and slapped his friend on the shoulder, “come on then, I have a child to lecture about stuffing toilet roll in his wound because ‘he was not wanting to bother me’ honestly what a load of-“
“Yeah, sure he’s not your kid.”