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It's Christmas day, and Armin and Jean are alone together on the last shift of the night. In a dingy izakaya tucked in the middle of nowhere, they stand around and talk about nothing too important. Armin has known Jean since high school. But, they don't know each other, not really, so it's pleasantries and trying to brush up against their true personalities. He wants to get to know Jean better, and he feels like Jean does too. He's used to wishful thinking, but this time maybe it could be something. Though he's not sure what.
"So, do you have any plans for the rest of the holidays?" He sees the way Jean's face scrunches up at this and feels bad for asking.
"Well, no I guess. Thanks for reminding me." Armin feels the lighthearted teasing in Jean's tone and grimaces anyway. "What about you?"
"Um, no, not really." He shrugs as he feels indifferent to the matter. Armin is used to spending the holidays alone now, and it's not like there haven't been years he has spent with family and friends. They're busy with their own lives, so he can't quite fit into them during this time. But, a part of him, a very slim part of him he keeps telling himself, wants to have someone to spend the holidays with each year. He thinks this and then looks at Jean. A gulp rises in his throat.
"C'mon Jean, lighten up. It's not so bad. We're alone together, right?" He elbows Jean a bit who lets out a sigh.
"You're right, I do feel a bit better knowing you're in the same boat as me. But still, it's a bit depressing to be working on Christmas with nothing to look forward to." Armin nods in helpless agreement. What can they do?
He considers that for a moment. What can't they do? People go off for the holidays at some point or another, right? Instead of wallowing in what could be unjustified pity, they should be making plans.
"Jean, are you doing anything for New Year's?" Jean chuckles and deflates into the counter.
"Seriously Armin, do you really gotta rub it in like—"
"Jean, I'm asking if you want to do something with me." His head flips to meet Armin who stares back at him. He dares Jean to say no by squinting at him hesitating, but he notices Jean's face take on a redder shade. He's probably imagining it, but it's really...no he's definitely imagining it.
"Yeah, I'm down. What did you have in mind?"
He pauses and then realizes it's been awhile since he last went to an onsen. There's got to be a nice ryokan nearby.
"How does an onsen sound to you? We could spend the night at a ryokan." Jean's whole demeanor perks up. He feels his thoughts dive into thinking about how cute Jean is being.
"God, I haven't been to a ryokan in forever. That sounds really damn good right about now, but aren't those kinda expensive?"
"Yeah, but I think it's worth it. We deserve to splurge a bit." He watches Jean debate the cost in his mind as his brow furrows, but he gives in without thinking for too long.
"Okay, then it's decided! It feels like I haven’t made plans like this in forever." A cheeky smile graces Jean's face. "Thanks, Armin."
Armin's heart flutters in his tingling chest. "What are friends for?" Jean’s eyes widen before he slings an arm around Armin and nods. His body heat seeps through Armin's sweater.
"It's probably best if we book the place in advance since it's bound to be crowded for New Year's.” He pulls up the nearest ryokan's website on his phone. Jean doesn't move. They figure out the last room for two people is somehow still available, so they buy it while avoiding their wallets' protests. After this, they exchange a meaningful glance before going back to work.
A week goes by in a blink as they both take on extra shifts together to cover the cost. And they get closer. Their coworkers ask, but they both have a silly amount of pride invested in going on one overnight trip. They keep it a secret.
Then, it's New Year’s Eve. They arrive at the ryokan around dinner and decide to go to the onsen first. A profound tension slips out of them as the sensation softens their bodies. Armin realizes how soothing it is to be stripped bare and still be warm. He would’ve been worried about Jean’s closed eyes, but a gentle and almost unnoticeable smile has settled on his face. After he's observed Jean for a bit, his eyes flutter open before coming to rest on Armin. His gaze is soft compared to its usual sharpness. He scoots closer and leans into Armin's shoulder. Even under the onsen’s steam, Armin's brain is buzzing at Jean's body melting into his.
Before they fall asleep in the bath, Armin makes them step out and put on their yukata and slippers. Getting out is cooler, but they still feel cozy like they've put on clothes fresh out of the dryer. The whole ryokan is heated for the cold night. They remember they haven't eaten yet and go to their room to order. Their room is spacious and in the usual traditional style. They chat while waiting for their food to arrive, and Jean seems to be subconsciously seeking Armin's warmth. He takes the opportunity and slips his hand into Jean's. "Cold?" Jean nods, looking a little surprised, but he doesn't move.
Their dinner comes a few minutes later. They've ordered the same thing: a wagyu steak with leeks and sauteed mushrooms. Jean made sure to order them both hot honjozo which comes in tokkuri with ochoko cups. The mild flavor of the sake pairs perfectly with the richness of the steak. Armin wasn’t expecting to drink, but the feeling makes his insides fluffy and warm. They've had to stop holding hands, but their bodies are so close they keep bumping into each other while eating. It feels natural though, like there wasn't a time where they weren’t always touching.
They keep talking and pouring each other drinks. The woman who keeps replenishing the tokkuri seems happy to go along with their cheery mood. How long has it been? Armin isn't sure, maybe a couple hours, but he loves how comfortable they've gotten with each other in what seems like such a short period of time. He remembers all the times he saw his friends go off to be with their partners and how he never quite understood their feelings. What could a romantic relationship give that a friendship couldn't? Here, teetering on the edge of something that feels important to him and his life, he thinks he finally understands.
Armin gets a little hungry and decides to order a lemon tart as a treat. "Cute," Jean teases. He rolls his eyes in mock annoyance, but he feels so giddy now. It wasn't just him, and he knew that, but he needed the confirmation. "Do you want anything, Jean?" Jean goes quiet before muttering that he wants an omelet to the smiling server. She nods and leaves, and Armin just barely holds in a laugh while Jean pouts at him.
"My mom makes a mean omelet. I haven't seen her too much lately, so I was kinda craving one." Armin smiles hoping he'll go on. "I think she would like you. Less of a troublemaker than me."
"Really, Jean?" He fills up Armin's ochoko again.
"Yeah, 'Min." He feels the excitement of being given a nickname flow throughout his body. Jean notices that slipped out a few seconds later. "Oh man, sorry, it just sort of...I don't know. Felt good on my tongue I guess." Armin shakes his head with happiness apparent on his face. "It's okay, Jean. I like it." Jean flounders on what to say next before the woman comes back in and informs them that this will be their last meal and drink for the night. They both thank her and say goodnight.
The sake they've been drinking is low in alcohol content, but they've had enough to feel loose and calm like when they were in the onsen. Armin finds himself wanting to walk around some to burn off the adrenaline he's built up. He asks Jean if he wants to take a walk with him and he agrees. They help each other up and put on their geta before stepping into the midnight chill.
A soft glow emanates from the ryokan and the moon's light spills onto the soil. They are guided by the ryokan until they reach a path in the woods. This time, Jean slips his hand into Armin's. Neither says much as they are enveloped in the calm winter night stillness. They're enjoying each other’s presence as their sandals click-clack on the stones laid out before them. Not a breeze or wailing call, it's only them and a closeness that feels like phasing through someone with knowing. Armin really knows Jean now, and he feels known too.
They eventually come to a clearing that looks over the city below, but it's far enough away for the stars to be clear and the sky to spread out above them like an undisturbed lake. Armin points out a few constellations and planets to Jean. Even out here, he marvels at how much he can see and how much more he can’t.
"Jean, we should go stargazing together sometime. It's so beautiful here, but I know there is a lot more that we could see."
"Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe next year?" Armin can't help the smile that tugs at his lips. So there's a next year...
Armin squeezes Jean's hand. His watch beeps. "Oh, Happy New Year!" He pulls Jean into a hug.
Jean chuckles softly. "Happy New Year, Armin." He pats Armin’s head and runs his fingers through his hair. Armin leans into his touch, and they stay like that until they get cold.
"C'mon 'Min, let's head back." He nods and takes Jean's hand again.
They arrive at the ryokan and change into their slippers again before padding back to their room. Their futons were set up while they were gone, so Armin turns off the light. The moon's illumination fills the room.
"Do you want to, um, push them together?" Jean’s voice is barely above a whisper. Somehow feeling like a kid again, he nods and goes to do that. They get into their futons and end up facing each other without planning to. Jean's eyes look a little brighter from the moon. Eventually, they close.
He thinks Jean has fallen asleep, but Jean's hand brushes against his. Armin finds himself tracing the lines of Jean's palm. Why is he nervous now? He's not really sure. He looks up to see Jean's eyes have opened again, and he can feel Jean's smile radiating off of him.
"Are you awake, Jean?" He knows it's a silly question, but the faint darkness feels so full of something Armin can't even begin to describe. The whole day plays back in his mind.
"Yeah." His voice sounds deeper like he was asleep.
He's not sure what else to say, so he asks another question. "Are you drunk?"
"No, not at all." There's a fondness seeping out of his voice. He can see the outlines of Jean's face catching the moonlight. He's never seen Jean look so vulnerable and open, like he could melt into Armin's hands. A feeling blooms inside his chest.
Before he can think better of it, he's crawling on top of Jean and staring down at him. His heart beats so loud in his chest he thinks Jean can hear it, and his face is burning red. Jean doesn't seem too phased, so his eyes flutter close, and he doesn't move. Armin moves closer to him until he can feel Jean's breath against his lips, and then he kisses him. It lasts only a moment, but the sensation feels like getting under a duvet after a long day.
He pulls back, and Jean is smiling at him again. His low murmur vibrates throughout his body as he says, "Come on."
Armin slips into Jean's futon and realizes how cold he's been this whole time, even under the futon. His body starts warming up to match Jean. They fall asleep with Armin's gentle breath brushing against Jean's neck, and Jean’s tickling Armin's hair.