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Top 10 Anime Betrayals: Haruto Watanabe picking up his ex's name, Park Jeongwoo for their exchange gift when he actually despises his presence and can sense if there's anything about him that's near his reach.
He felt it, there's something wrong with the paper he's holding, then voila! His ex's name was written on the paper with his own handwriting that he considers unbearable for his eyes (he used to love it, don't believe this shit).
"Ah, out of all people, why you?" he groaned loudly, looking at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He felt betrayed by his own guts, that he should drop that name but he kept on holding on to it as if it was glued to his fucking palm.
That kinda brings back memories, don't they?
-
"Ah, out of all people, why you?" 11-year-old Jeongwoo exclaimed, slamming his palm at the armseat of the Japanese. Haruto was dumbfounded, of course. Why was it his fault?
It's pretty clear that Jeongwoo hates picking up Haruto's name as his partner for their physics activity, he hates teaching and working with people who can't communicate well and Haruto is one of them as he is a foreign student who just transferred that month.
"It's not my fault! You picked my name!" he said in his defense, teary-eyed because of how painful Jeongwoo's loud voice was.
Haruto would be lying if he said that he's not hurt. He wants Jeongwoo to pick his name or him to pick Jeongwoo's name because he thought that Jeongwoo would make such a nice partner for the activity; he's smart, attentive to details, observant and can speak well without being nervous, compared to him who can only listen and talk when asked. Jeongwoo can help him in all aspects and maybe he can get close to him this way.
"Yes, it is! Why was it even there in the very first place?" he insisted, almost shouting his lungs out, not even realizing that he's gone8 out of the line for such an immature reason.
"WE'RE CLASSMATES, DUMB IDIOT!"
Jeongwoo was shut, he blinked three times, then another set of three. "Oh? I forgot—" he was cutted off when Haruto stood up and walked out of the room.
"Wow, Jeongwoo. That's so stupid." Doyoung, the class president, shook his head in frustration.
Jeongwoo spared no time as he ran after the taller guy, whom he's sure was in the male's bathroom, crying.
"Eew, yuck!" Haruto grimaced at the memory. He was a crybaby, especially when Jeongwoo was the one who's speaking. Every word that would come out of the tan-skinned guy's plump and thin lips would always take effect on him in the worst ways possible, which still happens up to this day.
-
"Have a date with me, please— OH MY GOODNESS, FUCKING HELL! DISGUSTING!" Haruto exclaimed as he read Jeongwoo's wishlist. Damn, how he wishes that he's just dreaming but hell, no. Jeongwoo wrote it by himself and Haruto can only scream in all types of ways.
"You know what, you can give him something else. Stop whining like a kid." Asahi, one of their co-workers spoke.
"I am not a kid, Asahi." Haruto glared at Asahi, Asahi shrugged his shoulders as he turned his swivel chair away from the younger.
That fucking statement again.
The thing is, he can actually give him something else. But there's something in him that makes him want to. It's not the feeling of wanting to be together again, it's like, the feeling of emptiness waiting to be filled with anything. He doesn't know, really.
"Bro, you look fucked up today." he heard Jeongwoo spoke. He quickly completed the small paper in his palm and shot it through his mini trash bin below his station.
"And you're always fucked up." he answered back.
Jeongwoo didn't bother to answer back, which Haruto was thankful about. Today, he hasn't started the day bickering with his ex until the end of their shift.
-
Jeongwoo and Haruto always had a bad blood between them ever since that day. Right after they graduated, they applied om the same company (unfortunately) and at that time, Haruto and Jeongwoo's interviews were scheduled on the same day, at the same company, so they had to fake it 'till they make it. Haruto feels his fingernails digging deep in his skin as he tries to suppress his anger towards the tan-skinned male beside him. Jeongwoo, on the other hand, was basically having the time of his life, dissing him.
"You really copy me at everything, huh?" he whispered.
"This has always been my dream, imbecile idiot. Don't accuse me of such things." he whispered back.
"Come on, we know it."
"We don't, we just unconsciously shared this one." he said in his defense, then silence came after.
They've always shared the same things. From the sweaters during their 12th birthdays, to the friendship bracelet that Jeongwoo made in between his breaks because he sucks at anything that's art related, to the couple necklaces that Haruto bought for the two of them when he confessed his feelings to the other, even their first kiss that very same day, to the sleepless nights because Haruto was failing his exams, to the their dreams and ideas of them growing old together.
All of those, except for two things;
Pain and feelings.
That's the reason why they broke up— the sole feeling of pain. Haruto and Jeongwoo never shared the same sentiments when it comes to pain, sometimes when things are hard for Haruto, then it wasn't for Jeongwoo and vice versa. Haruto heard before that it is normal for a couple to be different with each other as they are their own persons, but what if it feels hard to keep up with the unbearable pain and not-so-understanding partner?
-
Haruto happily skips past the other students in the library as he runs to his boyfriend that he was supposed to meet exactly at 4pm after a long time without meeting due to their busy schedules for the graduation. As he stands behind his boyfriend who's busy talking to someone on the phone, he couldn't help but feel his heart beating erratically as if it's going to burst out of his chest.
"Me? No. Absolutely nowhere to go after graduation. Why did you ask?" he asks his caller from the other line, Haruto froze.
Nowhere to go? They were supposed to stop by a convenience store and eat ice cream and go to the nearest amusement park and ride the ferris wheel and talk about their university life before they send each other off to their houses that's a few blocks away from each other. They talked about this, he promised about this.
What's happening?
"Haruto? What about him?" he heard him say, he started sweating as he awaits for his answer, he inhales sharply as Jeongwoo replied,
"Don't mind about him, he'll understand for sure. He always does." he says, before he politely drops the call and looks behind, "Oh, Haruto!" he hugs him tight.
"Oh, my God. I missed you." he says, even leaving a kiss on Haruto's cheek. Much to his surprise, the taller one doesn't respond back, instead, he starts walking away. And Jeongwoo's first thought of response is going after him.
"Haruto? Babe, what's wrong?" he asks, grabbing his wrist from behind.
"You said, you've got nowhere else to go after graduation?" he says, eyesight going blurry— shoot, he's tearing up.
"Oh, about that. I've made a promise to my family already—"
"But you promised to me as well, right?" Haruto cuts him off, voice almost cracking up from the suppressed crying.
"Haruto, it's my family."
"You promised, Jeongwoo. You know that I always believe in you and your promises!" Haruto's voice started to raise in volume, Jeongwoo ran a palm in his face.
"It's just this time, stop acting like an immature child, Watanabe—"
"This time? Fucking hell, you did this multiple times already!" Haruto raises his voice, not even minding the students that are looking at them right now. He's sure, by tomorrow they're the headline of the school archive but that's not his case right now.
"People are looking at us,"
"Now, you want me to shut up because people are looking? So what? I don't fucking care, Jeongwoo. We'll talk until you settle down what's happening right now." he says, gritting his teeth in anger. Jeongwoo inhales sharply, clicking his tongue as he starts to walk away.
"I've got no time for this, I'll just talk to you after some time." he says, Haruto was dumbfounded. He scoffed.
"Okay then. When do you want to talk, Mr. Oh-so-mature?" he sarcastically asked, still facing Jeongwoo's back that's getting farther as he continues to walk away.
"When your head's cleared up and you're mature enough for this conversation." he answers, waving a hand without looking back.
Haruto bursts into tears, he feels like sitting down on the cold concrete to support his body because he feels weak from continuous sobbing but his long legs won't even fold even a bit. He feels like shit for he doesn't know which reason was. Was it because for the nth time, Jeongwoo is breaking his promise, or was it because he was called immature for just asking about his promise, or was it because he felt violated when his boyfriend disrespected his feelings?
-
"Next, Park Jeongwoo!" called Doyoung, their team leader who's hosting this year's Christmas Party. Jeongwoo walked past the others as he claimed the wrapped box with a smile, "I don't think this is what my wishlist stated but, thank you!" he says, bowing as he walks back towards his seat.
As Jeongwoo opens the box, Haruto knows that Jeongwoo was dumbfounded
Haruto hates seeing him smiling, or happy, or even breathing, he hates it with every single chromosome in his body. But the urge to punch him hard in the guts is a much harder mission for Haruto when the two of them got accepted in the same company, were assigned in the same team and even assigned to sit together. Among all the seats in their office, the heavens are having a blast by making them sit and work beside each other.
It's hard for him, dealing with the anger every single day for 12 hours, 5 days and for the rest of his fucking life (not if he decides to resign but he won't let his dream get ruined because of his dickhead ex).
The fact that he picked his ex's name makes him want to pluck his eyes out. Why? Because of his fucking wishlist.
-
Despite being impatient, Jeongwoo tries his best to not go out of his place. He's been in this amusement park's entrance for an hour now and he wonders if his date will ever come.
When he opened his gift box earlier, he saw some jewelry and a new pair of running shoes inside with a note that says,
Meet me tonight at the usual place,
or else I'll skin you alive.
Judging from the handwriting, he knows it's Haruto who picked his name, unfortunately. Added to the fact that he usually mentioned the word usual , it is Haruto.
Haruto likes amusement parks, especially this one. He liked the sounds of other people's screams and the taste of cotton candy from this park. He used to complain that his popcorn was burnt whenever they go to the cinemas so they end up here instead, and whenever they go here, Haruto feels the happiest, and so does Jeongwoo.
Ew, yuck. Why was I reminiscing?
"Was it the wrong place? Was I supposed to go to the convenience store?" Jeongwoo asks himself. He doesn't remember if Haruto liked this place more, the convenience store near their university, or the rooftop of their highschool building where Haruto confessed to him. He doesn't remember.
Haruto had always been hard for him to read. He was never an open book, but the twist itself.
He likes spaghetti more than carbonara, Coke more than Sprite, pajamas more than shorts, sleep more than reading, and Jeongwoo more than anything else.
That's the reason why he broke up with him.
Haruto loved Jeongwoo more than he loved himself.
It's always, Jeongwoo first, me later. Jeongwoo admits that he hated that type of affection but he understood that maybe it's Haruto's love language so he didn't mind that much. It's just a matter of fact that Haruto grew tired of not loving himself.
Which is why Jeongwoo was somehow thankful that they broke up, because he knows that Haruto will never realize it.
"You look stupid." says Haruto, standing infront of him. Jeongwoo was startled a little, he zoned out while thinking (lmao).
Jeongwoo only shook his head as he took a deep sigh, "I'm not going to ask if you're the unfortunate one who picked my name, because it's already obvious. But I want to say that you look nice today, and I want to ride the rollercoaster." he says, turning his back on the other as he starts to walk away slowly.
Don't turn your back on me, asshole.
Haruto wanted to say it out loud, but it sounded childish . So he took a deep breath as he started to walk towards the other until he's now walking beside him. He took a step sideways to keep distance, not looking at the other male.
As Haruto pays for their ticket, Jeongwoo takes a seat on the said rollercoaster, looking at him as he gestured to Haruto to come faster. As soon as Haruto sat down, the lap bar pulled down by itself, and the train started moving slowly.
"You better not hold my hands," Haruto whispered to Jeongwoo, "As if," Jeongwoo mocks him. As the train starts to move down the lift hill, Haruto releases a loud scream as the others in the front of the train screamed as well. Then it goes through a vertical loop, then another, then a much higher lift hill. Haruto, already dizzy yet scared of the freaking height, unconsciously held Jeongwoo's hand (expect the cliché, it's always like this, lmao).
Haruto wants to let go of his hand, but his own hand says no. So he chants to his inner self that it's just one time, just this time and it's gone later. Ofcourse! Just this one ride and he's going home because for sure he'll get a fever from straining his throat.
Oh, God. When is this ride going to end?
-
"Did you even see your face? You looked like you're going to pass out!" Jeongwoo teases him, slowly munching on his strawberry flavored cotton candy. Haruto, glares at him as he tries to finish off his sweet and salty popcorn, "Whatever." he rolled his eyes at him.
Haruto took a few steps without looking at his tracks, just looking at his popcorn that doesn't seem to finish no matter how many kernels he eats. He just noticed where he was when realized that the music from this part of the park was not so loud and not upbeat either.
He's in front of the ferris wheel.
The pastel color that's painted on the carriages were sort of new, he assumes they painted them again recently. Because the last time he came here was four years ago, and the paint looked rusty. He even joked about it to his boyfriend— ex.
"Do you want a ride?" he heard Jeongwoo asked, but he couldn't answer. Jumbled thoughts and feelings are way too much for him to clear just to answer the other so he didn't bother. A few minutes later, he felt a hand dragging him into one of the carriages.
"Quick! They'll start the engine already!" Jeongwoo said, dragging him into the blue carriage as he closed the door, waiting for the wheel to start moving.
Haruto took a glance at the window as their carriage went up, he could see the whole park from his carriage, he smiled at the sight.
They used to do this all the time, after exams, after school, or any time that they are free. Haruto remembers writing on the carriage but it's probably covered by paint already so he didn't bother checking if his handwriting was still there.
"How are you?" he heard Jeongwoo asked, tilting his head, "We work in the same company, you see me everyday so must've known that I am fine." he says, eyes on the view from the carriage window.
"I did not mean that, I— want to know how you were doing, lately." he clears his throat, Haruto looks at him and faces him, fidgeting his earrings.
"Oh, about that? I guess I'm also fine." he answered, then silence.
"I didn't really know what happened to us." Jeongwoo smiled bitterly, Haruto as well, too.
"Remember when we first got closer? You hated me so much that you don't want my name to be written on the paper that you picked." Haruto starts off, Jeongwoo nods at him.
"You looked really stupid when you were crying in the bathroom, so cliché." he adds.
"Wow, huh? It's also cliché that you went after me!" he answers in defense.
"You were like, do you hate me that much, Jeongwoo? Oh, my God! I swear!" Jeongwoo laughs, and Haruto laughs as well.
Haruto defended himself, saying that everyone would also think thay way but Jeongwoo just laughed at him. For the first time in years that Haruto hated him, he's now laughing with him as if nothing happened at all.
As if things were just how they used to be, happy.
"Look how the tables have turned," Jeongwoo says, Haruto stares at him, too occupied to speak.
"You're the one hating me now," he sighs, "Makes sense, I was a dickhead." he finishes off.
"I'm glad you knew," Haruto agrees, "And you still are, idiot." he added.
They went silent after that. It wasn't awkward at all. Haruto sees Jeongwoo fishing for his phone to check the time and as he turns it off after, he looks at him again, smiling.
"Uhm, Can we hug?" he asks.
Do you feel like crying? Haruto wanted to ask, but he couldn't. His mouth went shut and he couldn't answer either. He just stared at him for a few seconds before nodding.
Jeongwoo scooted over him and wrapped his arms around Haruto's waist, his face on his shoulder. After a few seconds, Haruto felt hot tears in his shoulder, so he hugged the other tighter, caressing his back.
Jeongwoo never liked physical affection, aside from whenever he felt like crying. The thing is, he can't admit it. He always thinks that he should look tough, no matter what. But whenever he's with Haruto, he breaks down. It's like a different personality that only Haruto can see.
-
"Let's break up." Jeongwoo announces, eyeing at the view of the school down below them. They are at the rooftop, eating ice cream right after their graduation ceremony. Haruto almost dropped his cone, he never thought that Jeongwoo would say these after a week without contact with each other right after fighting. But well, here they are.
"This relationship… it's going nowhere." he adds,
"What do you mean by that?" Haruto asks, his voice breaks as he feels his chest getting tight again.
"Haruto, don't you pity yourself?" Jeongwoo asks, Haruto scoffed. Pity? He is pitying his own boyfriend? Who in the damned world would pity their partner? Ofcourse, Jeongwoo.
"You love me so much, so much that you're already hurting! For fuck's sake, Haruto! Have mercy on yourself–"
"Shut up," he walks closer, removing the bracelet that Jeongwoo gave him. "You're not breaking up with me, because I am breaking up with you. Pity? Myself? Mercy? Why? Because I loved you so much? Fine. It was so immature of me to forget about myself because of you. And that's the thing! I loved you so much and you spared no shit on me." Haruto laughs at himself, tears running down his cheeks.
"Anyway, we're done with this. You're right! I'm already hurting, I always was! And I'm setting myself free from this shit so fucking have fun in your life and I fucking hate you so much." he says before turning his back as he walks away. He heard him call his name, but he was too pained to turn to look at him. So even if he wanted to, he just continued to walk away, feet becoming heavier with every step he took.
-
"Haruto, I'm sorry." he heard him say, and as if it was the cue word, Haruto breaks in tears. He felt so full after hearing those words, an apology for he doesn't know which, but he knows it is surely genuine.
"Please, don't cry. It's not just your fault. You were right, so please." he cries on his shoulders. Haruto sobs harder when he feels Jeongwoo pull back to kiss his forehead for a few seconds then hug him again.
"I didn't want us to end that way, believe me, I just wanted you to be happy and finally prioritize yourself after all those years of you being the center of everything. I'm sorry because I forgot that it hurted you more, I'm so sorry. I know you hated me because of it and I deserve it, I'm so sorry." Jeongwoo cries harder. Haruto pats his back gently, then caresses it, then pat again till Jeongwoo eases his sobs down.
He looked at him dearingly, maybe this was the reason why he didn't turn down the idea of the date, with his ex. Maybe all these years, he waited for this. He doesn't know.
"I'm sorry, too. Please, don't cry now." he says, leaving a kiss on his ex's forehead.
Seeing Jeongwoo solely taking the fault of their break-up kinda trips him off. It's not Jeongwoo's fault that he gave his all to him. It's not his fault that he forgot himself. It's not his fault. They are at fault in their own ways, but this isn't his.
But it's their fault for mistaking salt as sugar, when pain absolutely tastes different from love.
END.