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Courfeyrac loved Christmas. He always had. Even as a small child his eyes would lit up when the town was decorated with Christmas lights and everything shone and glittered. Over the years he had collected tons of different Christmas jumpers and coloured fairy lights that were lighting his room and the whole flat. He already would start singing Christmas carols in the earliest days of November and dreams of snow and frost.
Courfeyrac was extroverted. He loved having people around and hanging out with friends but also strangers to get to know new friends. He loved cooking and having dinner with friends. He always had the best ideas for Christmas presents. They were always personal and creative. He thought of things that no one else would think of but that are still useful. Every year he suggested doing the Secret Santa tradition and everyone hoped that he would be their “Secret Santa“. But he didn’t only love giving presents to others. He also enjoyed receiving them. His eyes would light up and he would smile widely even if it was only a small box of chocolate or a new coffee cup. It wasn’t very hard to find something that would put this special smile on his face.
But maybe that was exactly the reason why Combeferre had already started searching for the right Christmas present in September. They had known each other since they were in primary school. He knew that Courfeyrac loved Christmas. He knew that it wasn’t really hard to find a present he would enjoy but at the same time Combeferre didn’t want to gift just anything. He wanted to gift something special. Something that wouldn’t just put a smile on his face but rather something that makes his eyes shine.
Combeferre hated Christmas. He hated the big crowds in front of his favorite coffee shop because everyone seemed to realize at the exact same time that they definitely needed to buy something for their Christmas breakfast or as a late present on December 23rd. He also hated the stress and the fact that he always had to write the exams for medical school around Christmas season.
He hated Christmas jumpers and had only started wearing them when Courfeyrac gave him a blue one with a Santa Clause on it, who was holding a test tube and wearing a doctor‘s coat and a stethoscope. He had told him that he should start being“Santa Combeferre” instead of “The Grinchbeferre”.
And because of his passion and love for the Christmas season, Combeferre had even started listening to some Christmas carols as well and realized that they weren’t that bad. Especially when Courfeyrac sang along loudly and danced through the room.
And because he knew that Courfeyrac loved Christmas more than he loved his birthday or any other holiday, Combeferre stood in the middle of a music shop, surrounded by about 20 guitars while the salesman desperately tried to explain why the most expensive one was also the one that he should definitely buy as a present. Combeferre couldn’t tell the difference between any of them and was slightly annoyed by the behaviour of the man in front of him who clearly just tried to bamboozle him to get money. He silently imagined having Courfeyrac next to him who would have gone crazy about every single one of these guitars and sighed before he left the store without buying anything. He just wasn’t the right person to decide which one to buy. He could play piano but he was never really interested in learning how to play guitar. Combeferre thought about asking Grantaire for help because he knew that he sometimes played it for fun but something inside told him that this wasn’t the perfect Christmas present anyway so he just went to the next book store, thinking about what Courfeyrac gifted him last year.
Around that time he had to learn the periodic table of elements at heart for his classes. Courfeyrac knew that so he gave him a special periodic table where every element was connected to a song whose title starts with the letters of the fitting element so that he could think of a song when he tried to remember everything. It was, in fact, easier to remember the right order that way and Combeferre still sang the fitting song when he thought about one of the elements.
He cursed himself silently for not being creative enough to get a present for his best friend. It should be easy and it actually was because Courfeyrac would be happy about everything he could bring up, so why did he have to be so picky himself? Because he was scared that the other man would be disappointed inside?
Frustrated and in a worse mood than before he left the store and sighed again. He loved seeing Courfeyrac happy and smiley around Christmas season but at the same time he told himself that he would be the reason why Courfeyrac could not celebrate the perfect Christmas evening if he couldn’t find a present within the next few days. It was already December 18th and although he searched for months, he still had nothing which was not only disappointing but also frustrating. Especially when he imagined Courfeyrac already having something and looking forward to giving it to him. He had thought about anything possible. He wanted to buy tickets for a concert of his favourite rock band in Paris, but they were all gone within about 5 minutes when he opened the website to buy them. Then he wanted to buy new headphones because his have disappeared since Courfeyrac borrowed them to Lesgles but at the same time he felt like this would not be personal enough. His friends would probably laugh at him if they knew how he struggled. It was always challenging to find presents for someone like Enjolras for example. It was also hard to get something that Joly enjoyed and that wouldn’t make him feel uncomfortable because of some weird chemicals which were used in the production of said item.
In comparison it was easy to find something for Courfeyrac who basically liked almost everything you could possibly get in a store.
He didn’t feel any better when he left the house on December 25th to meet Courfeyrac in their favourite coffee shop around 2 p.m.. He arrived a few minutes early and already took a seat and ordered a coffee while he waited for the other man. About twenty minutes later he could see someone entering and a well known voice greeted the waitress at the front door before someone sat down across from him at the table. Combeferre looked up and almost choked on his coffee when he noticed the snowflakes in his dark curls. He took off his jacket and a yellow Christmas sweater appeared underneath. The medical student has never seen it before so he assumed it was new.
“Sorry for being late!”, said his counterpart and Combeferre frowned. Courfeyrac sounded different. He did not smile and there was no sign of his common happiness around that time of the year. Instead he seemed to be far away in his thoughts and rather looked on the table instead of looking at him. Combeferre could feel something pricking inside him and he was immediately worried.
“You don’t have to apologise!”, he answered calmly and added after a short while, “Are you okay?”
The other man looked up and nodded hastily while putting on a half-hearted smile which could not really reach his eyes. “Yeah sure! I‘m alright. Just a bit tired… Should have slept a bit more yesterday!”
Combeferre nodded slowly, he didn’t want to force him to talk about whatever was occupying him, so he asked after a moment of silence, somewhat uncomfortable, “Do you also want a coffee or… maybe a tea- or a hot chocolate?”
Courfeyrac nodded and smiled for a second longer before he ordered a coffee and they fell silent again. The medical student was not used to this silence. Normally his friend would start talking at an impressive speed and would only stop to take a deep breath or to let him speak. He would manage to turn every topic into an interesting conversation but today he remained silent and just took a sip from his coffee when it arrived.
Somewhat helplessly, after a few more seconds, Combeferre asked: “How was your day so far? What did you get yesterday?”
“I… Uhm- I got some new headphones! You know… Mine disappeared and I am sure that they will appear just the second I use the new ones the first time!”
Combeferre laughed quietly and thanked god he didn't get him the headphones. “That always happens, doesn’t it?”
His counterpart nodded and they fell silent once again until he took the floor. “Oh god- I‘m so sorry Combeferre! This should be our annual christmas lunch and I-“, he shook his head and stopped talking for a second.
“Hey- I already said that you don’t have to apologise! It’s okay I… don’t know what happened but- please stop apologising for something you most likely don’t have to apologise for!”, Combeferre said more and more worried while he tried to think of something he might have done.
“I guess I was never really good at anything useful and now I’m even spoiling your Christmas mood!“
The addressee immediately shook his head. “I don’t care about my Christmas mood! Did you forget that I am the Grinchbeferre?”
It was relieving to see the little smile across his face after the statement and Combeferres face softened again. “Whatever it is, we can talk about it! I am your friend and I want to help you, if I can. Look, it‘s Christmas season but that doesn’t mean that we can’t talk seriously anymore! We will find a solution. You can’t ruin my day because so far it was boring as hell and I am not here because it‘s part of a so-called ’Christmas tradition’! I‘m here because I want to spend time with my best friend and… because I know that you really like these traditions.”
Courfeyrac sighed and hesitated before he finally said: “I told them…”
For a second Combeferre was confused. He had to think about who he was referring to and what exactly he meant but before he could ask, Courfeyrac spoke again.
“Told them that I… want to drop out of university and… start something else… precisely drama school! And to be honest, I even said that I already applied for a few. I really thought they would understand or… at least accept it!”
Combeferre felt something tighten deep inside his chest and he shuddered before he nodded slowly. “Courf… I am so sorry!”, he said seriously but his friend just pulled a face at his words.
“Don’t be!”, he announced with a sad smile. “Should have expected it! And it was definitely not the right moment to disappoint my family! I mean it‘s Christmas time and… I don’t know- I just thought it would be relieving to finally tell them.”
Combeferre knew that they had been talking about this topic months ago so it really burdened him for a long time now. Courfeyrac wasn‘t happy with his studies. He always mentioned that they were interesting and that he could surely somehow get through everything but one day he told him that he secretly hated the idea of being a lawyer someday. Being a lawyer meant defending people who you probably didn’t sympathise with. It means a lot of responsibility for people who might be irresponsible themselves. Furthermore there was a high risk of losing a court case and destroying the life of a probably innocent person. Courfeyrac could chat and also rant for hours and hours but he had always been a person that enjoyed being the centre of attention and who wanted others to be happy without the possibility of someone getting hurt.
Of course his parents liked the idea of their only son being a famous and successful lawyer. No one could blame them for this dream. They basically just wanted the best for him in terms of wealth and job security but failed to think about what would bring joy to his heart.
“And I guess it wasn‘t because you thought they would react differently…”
Combeferre stated the obvious as he leaned forward a little and pushed his glasses up.
“You achieved a lot today, Courfeyrac! You told them, which is a big step in the right direction. This topic burdened you for months and… I didn’t know that you hadn't told them until now, otherwise I would have been right by your side and supported your point of view. They cannot forbid you to do whatever brings you joy in your future life! Maybe they are scared or worried but that’s only because they never thought about the possibility of their son being a famous movie or theatre actor who is able to put a smile on peoples faces all day long.” He took a deep breath before he continued. “But what I believe is that they just need a bit more time to process everything and to get used to the idea. You have never complained about your studies, have you? It probably came out of nowhere and they might just be confused and worried which is why they said things they didn’t really want to say.”
“Like for example that I could never make any profit with a job based on a drama school degree and that I would end up living at home again or worse somewhere on the street? Furthermore that I wouldn’t get a single chance for a role somewhere in the future because there is such great competition? Damn, they’re right, I can‘t even deny that! Why do I keep trying if it leads to an epic fail with me being home- and jobless and on top of that begging to spend the night at- I don’t know… probably your place because I am desperate but you will be so annoyed and-“
Before he could finish his sentence, Combeferre reached out and placed his hand on his wrist to interrupt him gently.
“Could you please just shut up for a second, mon ami?”, he asked with a sad smile. “That was not what I wanted to say and you know that! At first I want to clarify that I simply cannot be annoyed by your presence, do you understand that? I enjoy being in your company and that will not change because you decide to start a new career. Listen, I did not say that what your parents said was somehow okay or justified. I just wanted to remind you that they care about you and that they are probably as scared and unsure what to do as you are right now. You are old enough to decide what you want to do by heart and it probably scares them to know that because they can‘t tell you which is the right direction anymore. They simply don‘t know it anymore. They don‘t know what your heart desires and what slowly annoys and destroys your soul. I saw you perform many times and I believe that you can go far but you shouldn‘t stop believing in yourself just because someone else said that some dreams are unreachable. If you’re home- and jobless I will offer you a bed and breakfast as well as a shower and some comfort and then I will do my best to help you find a new job! I will be right here as always! But I don‘t think that you have to worry about any of this. There may be competition but you will outshine them!”
After finishing his monologue he noticed that his counterpart had widened his eyes and was staring at him with a mixture of emotions across his face. He mainly seemed to be impressed and at the same time surprised and Combeferre blushed when he made no effort to say anything back.
“Too much?”, he asked shyly and thought for a second that his friend would just stand up and leave but instead a smile formed on his lips and he chuckled.
Combeferre didn‘t really know if he should be offended or relieved that his friend was obviously laughing.
“No- I don’t think so!”, he confirmed firmly. “But I will remember those promises and you know that I will be standing in front of your door and waiting for breakfast and a bed!”
Combeferre grinned and nodded a second later. “I think I can deal with that! I meant what I said!”
Courfeyrac leaned back and the smile didn‘t fade this time. “I am glad you do-“, he paused and frowned before he suddenly looked horrified. “Oh no- your present! I completely forgot- Oh my… it was so challenging to find something you would like and I just- forgot to give it to you because of everything that has been going on lately!”
He began rummaging in his bag and only when he pulled his hand away to do so Combeferre noticed that his own hand had still been on his wrist until then. He raised an eyebrow when he realised what Courfeyrac had said. “You think it’s challenging to find a gift for me?”
“Hell yeah-“, the other man answered, still busy with his bag. “Please don‘t think you‘re too picky or ungrateful! I am the problem! I couldn‘t think of anything special and personal this year! I felt like you always know how to gift something meaningful and I also wanted to try that!”
Combeferre blinked twice and shook his head in confusion. “You think that I-… you‘ve got to be kidding! You are the one that is known for the most creative presents! Everyone always hopes that you are their secret Santa!”
“They do?”, now it was Courfeyrac who looked confused while he placed a present wrapped in coloured wrapping paper in front of him.
“Of course! You can’t tell me that you didn’t know! Hell, you don’t know how I struggled when I thought about finding the right present for you that won’t secretly disappoint you!”
“Oh my god- do people think that I am disappointed by Christmas presents-? Why did nobody ever tell me? I swear I love every present!”, Courfeyrac yelled a little louder with a startled expression.
Combeferre laughed at his expression and shook his head still in disbelief: “Of course not! No one thinks that! I am just-“
He struggled to find the words to describe what he wanted to say while Courfeyrac raised an eyebrow in amusement. “I am just a little insecure and wanted to find the perfect present! That’s all!”, he finished his sentence lamely.
“Then I am very excited about the so-called ‘perfect gift’! Especially when it was so hard to get something for me!”
Courfeyrac chuckled and reached for the small present that Combeferre was holding in his hands. “Likewise!”, he replied amused and took the others' presents.
For a moment they fell into silence but it was way more comfortable than at the start of the conversation. Both of them unwrapped their presents and Combeferres eyes widened when he saw the inside of his package. A second after unwrapping the present he held a black calendar in his hands. He flipped through the pages and saw that many appointments had already been entered. Courfeyrac had looked up when his exams were, when important people had birthdays or when a party was planned. In addition, almost every page had notes that offered helpful hints about the day. Courfeyrac had written down what he should do to relax before exams, what music was best on a stressful day, what meals would be the most unhealthy but also the most stress-relieving and how many shots he had to drink to be drunk enough at a party to be able to attend lectures the next morning. It must have taken him hours or days to write all of this. Combeferre felt warm with joy and at the same time ashamed because of his own gift. Without looking up because he was still too amazed from the cover of the calendar he said quietly, “Thank you so so much! This means a lot! It is clearly perfect! All your gifts have been perfect and I don’t know how you could think anything else- This must have taken many hours or even days and I am really grateful! How did you find out about all of this?”
Courfeyrac didn’t answer so he just continued talking while he blushed slightly. “I am sorry, I really don‘t know what came over me to get you… something like that! Just… ignore it! I will give you something else very soon and I promise that will be the perfect gift! I just thought… god I don‘t know what I thought but please don‘t be mad at me! You put so much effort into this calendar and I just gave you an-“
But before he could finish the sentence, someone else did.
“ALPACA HIKE!”
Combeferre flinched and looked up immediately when Courfeyrac shouted the two words louder than expected. But against his expectations he looked like a little child who just ate chocolate for the first time. His eyes were shining and a broad grin had spread all over his face.
None of them noticed that some people at other tables started staring at them. Combeferre looked at his counterpart, puzzled, while Courfeyrac fidgeted excitedly with the Christmas card and the ticket in his hand. “You are- amazing! I always wanted to do something similar! How did you know?!”
Still confused, Combeferre cleared his throat and mumbled flabbergasted. “Well I… know that you like dogs and always wanted a dog but I also know that you can’t get one right now so I… I mean I know that an alpaca is not a dog- not even closely- but… you can walk your dog and I thought maybe it would be fun to… walk your specific alpaca?“”
Courfeyrac laughed and nodded. “It will definitely be damn fun!!”
“I booked for two people so you can decide who you want to take with you! I mean… I would love to but- just because I gifted you this event I don‘t want to pressure you to take me with you so… if you would like to ask Enjolras for example-“, he paused for a second “I mean he would probably answer no because I can’t imagine Enjolras walking with an alpaca but… you should know that you can ask anyone!”
Courfeyrac still looked overwhelmed as he leaned forward and shook his head. “There is only one person I would like to have by my side when I am walking side by side with a cute, fluffy and probably cheeky alpaca!”
Combeferre raised an eyebrow and grinned. “Oh really?”
“I would always choose you!”, said Courfeyrac solemnly and Combeferre could feel his heart beating a bit faster. He just hoped that the other man wouldn't notice how nervous he was and that his hands started to shake a bit because he realised how their faces had become closer and he suppressed the urge to follow the instinct inside him. He couldn’t break everything they had just because his heart felt like it would jump out of his chest any second. If he wasn't so distracted by the close presence of the other man, he would probably have been afraid of suffering a heart attack right now.
“You would?”, he could hear his voice shaking and prayed that Courfeyrac hadn't noticed while he held his breath.
The dark haired man grinned and nodded slightly before he replied under his breath: “I sure as hell would!”
Only a second later he could feel his lips on his. His heart stopped for a moment and then beat twice as fast as before. He didn't really notice how he leaned further into the kiss while slowly closing his eyes as a warm feeling filled his body. Courfeyrac tasted like coffee, joy and chocolate brownies. The ones that they used to bake together. It was a soft and gentle kiss and Combeferre didn’t think that he had ever felt as good as he felt at that moment.
He wanted to reach out and pull him closer, but there was still the table between them, as well as the fact that they were surrounded by people in a café. The medical student immediately missed the warm feeling as Courfeyrac pulled his head back slightly to catch his breath, though the smile had not disappeared.
“Thank you!”, he mumbled softly and Combeferre knew that he wasn’t just talking about the alpaca hike which was probably the second best gift that day.