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After the humour of the Taylor Swift song had passed by, and hours upon hours of driving with nothing but the car’s engine ringing through my ears, it really rang home how screwed we were. The fact that the only shot we had of removing the Mark from Dean’s arm was turning him into one of the Jonas brothers, just shows how little this was going in our favour.
I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t reassure him cause I couldn’t even reassure myself. The whole ride back to the bunker I tried thinking of all the possible ways we could get the Mark off. But I was too distracted by the silence in the car, so I didn’t say anything at all.
The whole situation was really starting to take a toll on Dean. He was drowning in guilt day by day with the Charlie incident, and the worry was starting to show on him. He was tired. He just wants this over. I want it to be over for him. I felt so helpless, I’m his brother, and I can’t do anything to stop his impending doom.
By the time we had gotten back to the bunker it was 3:20am, and I had passed out in the passenger seat next to him, I didn’t even hear him turn off the engines.
“Hey, come on, we’re back.” I jolted awake from Dean’s elbow nudging me in my arm, I really should be used to this now. Quick ‘yeah’s’ escaped my mouth to prove how awake I was, but really, I just sounded drunk.
Dean grabbed all the gear and dumped it on the library tables, normally I would of told him to actually put the shit away so it wasn’t all over our research, but at this point, I didn’t give a fuck. Dean stormed off into his room, it became pretty clear that he was thinking the same thing I was, that the Mark wasn’t going anywhere, and we just blew our only and last chance in removing it. I yawned and sighed at the same time, it’s all my body could function at this point. Running my fingers through my hair, I tried to wake myself up, I really had to try and make Dean feel better about the whole situation, even though it was all beginning to look a little grim.
Cautiously walking towards Dean’s room, I could hear objects being thrown around, so I picked my pace up. Approaching the door, I found books across his floor, the lamp on his bedside table had hit a wall and the bulb had smashed, and there Dean was, sitting on the ground, back against his bed, clutching the photo of him and mum, tears running down his face. I could hear quiet whispers of ‘I’m sorry’ escaping his lips. He finally broke. The pressure of the Mark had gotten to him and he couldn’t take it anymore. Moving towards him to sit next to him on the floor, I rested my hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently.
“Dean…”
“Sam I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore, this thing- it’s turning me into something that I don’t ever wanna be again. I can’t do that to you again, I don’t want to put you through that pain. I failed you, I can’t be strong anymore, it’s too hard.” He finally turned to face me. I could see tears had started to run down his face, and when he looked up at me, it seemed as if more fell down.
“We’re never gonna find a cure, we have to face it, we’ve been looking for months on end, and we have nothing to show for it.” Dean confessed while trying to wipe away most of the tears from his flushed face.
“Dean we have everything to show for it.” Dean stopped wiping tears and just gave me a confused look, like the look he gave me when he saw me wearing my purple dog shirt and simply just said “I don’t even wanna know where you got that from.”
“Dean, us just looking, for all these months, you not giving up, you trying different ways to keep yourself in control, you researching your ass off just to find a cure, going through anything that is remotely related to getting rid of the Mark, just shows how determined you are to make it through this. You haven’t given up like most people would by now. You’re Dean friggin’ Winchester for God’s sake. You’ve been to Hell and back. You have never given up. Even when we were kids and Dad said, “Don’t do this, stay inside with Sammy, take care of him,” you went above and beyond for me, you snuck me out, took me to a park a few times, you never gave up even then, and I’m telling you this, you are NOT giving up now. I believe in my big brother.”
Dean just stared at me, with such a puppy face I didn’t know what he was going to say. But I would of never guessed he was going throw his arms around me and squeeze me so tight I felt my ribs break.
“Thank you for believing in me Sammy.” He whispered into the crook of my neck.
“Why wouldn’t I? If Dean Winchester is happy to dance around to a Taylor Swift song, I practically believe anything is possible.” From that, I received a shove to the arm and all to familiar laughter filled the room, something I enjoyed hearing from Dean, it was something I cherished these days. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and moved in more to him, being the taller brother, this was easier for me, plus I liked being big spoon, and I knew Dean secretly enjoyed it.
“Shut up.”
“The only thing I can’t believe is, that you were willing to give up sex, drinking and driving for a few years just to look like the next One Directioner.”
“Hey, I would of totally been a cooler teenager then you could have ever been nowadays.”
“Yeah whatever, Jerk.”
“Bitch.”