Archive of Our Own

Furiously tapping on their laptops’ keyboards, eyes strained for the past two hours they are staring at the luminosity from their screens. It’s just two days before Christmas, but Donghyuck and Renjun had to rush over to the cafe near their university to handle their essay due on the 25th. It doesn’t make sense. Who in the world would take up their holiday vacation just to put an assignment due during the vacation. Of course, none other than their beloved Mr. Kim. 

Oh so understanding and loving, that most of the students are cramming now because who doesn’t. It’s probably the common denominator of all the students in university or not. With Donghyuck coming over to their family’s house exactly on the 25th and Renjun who doesn’t have any other plans but to stay in the dorms because, “It’s a hassle to travel back and forth China and here. My parents will be visiting before new year and spend it here with me, so yeah I’ll be fine.” Donghyuck gets sad at that, fake sobbing that earned him a shove on his side with Renjun’s elbow. It is an attempt to lighten up the mood. Renjun sometimes tells him all about the secrets he has and those he keeps deep down inside him, especially the longing he has for his parents that he doesn’t see always because of the distance.

Sometimes he thinks he's lucky enough to meet Renjun. Although there are times Donghyuck feels he is not doing a good job as his friend, and he will never occupy the void there inside his heart for how Renjun misses his parents so much, but he’s grateful enough to be his pillar. To be someone he can lean on and trust. To be able to see the darker parts of his best friend and to be the only one who solely sees right through him in a place full of new people and everything new.

He’s someone important in Renjun’s life. And Renjun just as much to him. 

They’ve been long best friends, all unexpectedly (not really)  happening within a few weeks span. An easy-going pile of energy cramped in the form of Donghyuck, and it’s no surprise at how easy it is for him to approach people and befriend them. Sunshine personified. He shines like one, if not more. So after a few days their first year in college had started, a new student came inside one of their lecture halls, a little bit out of breath and almost late, but managed to get inside on time. The lecture hall occupied by students, eyes landing on the small and petite boy entering the class. His eyes sharp and shaped like a fox’s, his expression not giving away anything. He managed to catch Donghyuck’s attention. Pretty .

The new student slowly browses the room for a vacant seat, his black hair long enough for some strands to reach his eyes, his nose sculpted high and thin, his jaws sharp and face small. As he walks past the first few rows of seats in the hall, Donghyuck — and the rest of the students inside —  follows him with their gazes, hands clasped together as he props his elbows on the desk. He doesn’t flinch when he realises that the new student seats beside him, and weirdly or creepy enough, he stares as he takes a seat. 

Noticing the lingering stare, the new student faces him. His eyes are squinted out of curiosity, his pretty thin lips in a straight line. Even though the annoyance is there, Donghyuck sees how the student’s face turns red, eyes wavering and full of so much more. It’s when Donghyuck smiles politely, internally scolding himself for scaring him, that the new student avoids his gaze completely. The bobbing of his Adam's apple is the telltale sign that he was quite nervous. Donghyuck faces the front of the room, his peripheral catching the movement of the person beside him, leaning on his seat, slouching down to hide his face and hands tucked together. 

The room was back to how it was, with the other students with their own lives, and Donghyuck pretty much still hooked up with the beauty the newcomer is.  Maybe he can do something about how the person feels. He’s new and unfamiliar with the surroundings, and Donghyuck, though is just the same case as him, he still will try. He wants to try.

He’ll not lose anything. Okay, maybe it’s a loss if he gets declined, but he will never know if he doesn’t make a move, right?

So he looks at his left, turning completely to face the new student. Startled figure going taut,  his beautiful, curious eyes following Donghyuck’s movement. Donghyuck doesn’t waste his time, extending his hand, “Hi, I’m Donghyuck.” Loud enough for just the two of them to hear, although he doubts that. Nonetheless, enthusiastic enough to gain this student’s attention, easily perking up with the advance, a small but sincere smile creeping on his lips.

“Renjun.” He reaches for Donghyuck’s hand and they shake hands. 

Ridiculous, as if they’re back in their middle school years. It’s funny for anyone who hears their story, but that what makes them, them . The reason they’re here, in this present day, bond ever so special and strong that only the two of them understand and feel. 

It all comes along so easily, how they grow closer as time passes. It’s no shock for them, and Donghyuck genuinely enjoys the company and how he manages to barge in through the locked doors of a timid Renjun from the first day, and someone so closed off from the first few weeks Donghyuck tried to reach him. Renjun isn’t particularly quiet at all, he talks a lot when they’re together, but definitely is reserved around other people. Donghyuck wonders. He’s smart, definitely with that wonderful mind he has. Not only Renjun excels in the field of music and arts, along with it, he also excels academically. Sometimes Renjun takes him by surprise with how he whispers the correct answers for random questions thrown by their professors, Donghyuck carefully looks at him at his side with wide eyes. 

When he asked about why he doesn’t volunteer, Renjun just lazily shrugs as he finds Donghyuck’s eyes. “I just don’t feel like it.” And Donghyuck doesn’t find anything more to it as he searches his gaze that is purposely closed off by the older. He wonders if that’s the truth though.

They’re together again inside Renjun’s dorm with all of his dorm mates out for the night and Donghyuck opts to stay with his friend. It’s been a few months into the year and their workload had levelled up, and it is also safe to say that their friendship did, too. 

Donghyuck spends more time with Renjun and sometimes invites each other over to stay at their place to laze around. Most of the time, work on their assignments, watch movies, sleep, and eat. All these, but what Donghyuck values most is when they talk — about everything and nothing all at once.

It’s a growing feeling of wanting to learn more about the Chinese boy, who he happens to learn that had transferred school and apparently, left China to pursue his studies in Korea. It all explains the blind approach of what’s around him that he happened to do during the first whole day he entered the university. Donghyuck pretty much read between the lines, and maybe he was a little bit curious that’s why he was also the first one to approach Renjun that time. Lucky enough, the Chinese chose to sit beside him, because if he chose not to, Donghyuck might undergo various stances of humility just to try to reach out to Renjun. Something about him draws him closer to him; is eager to learn more about him. 

Donghyuck doesn’t regret one bit, because it all paid off. And it is Renjun, what is not to love about him. 

He is amused about what goes on the pretty head of his. One day when they’re sitting by one of the benches in the school grounds, the older out of nowhere started talking and to Donghyuck thought they will stay there just to enjoy the calm and pleasant buzz of a regular university day. A slight turn of events that caught him off guard. 

“It’s hard, you know?” Renjun muses, continuing to stare somewhere far away, ahead of them. Donghyuck curiously shifts from his seat, biting on the paper straw of his juice drink. He looks at Renjun, weighing down his thoughts if he should ask what is . 

Renjun beats him into it. “This,” he gestures vaguely around the field, hands open and palms up. Donghyuck doesn’t quite get it, raising his left eyebrow in question. He waits and listens, pretty sure that there’s more to come.

His friend sighs. “Living this kind of life is hard but thrilling… in a good way. I’ve always wondered how it is to live in such a country, so similar yet so different from where you grew up.” He glances at Donghyuck who’s taken aback from the sudden talk, but he is so eager to listen and he wants to let Renjun know that he is listening . Renjun offers him a small smile before continuing. “Of course, it had always been at the back of my mind because I really wanted to get in here the moment I realised that I wanted to pursue art. My parents weren’t so supportive at first, but eventually — almost miraculously — they just did.” Renjun turns around to face Donghyuck properly but not long enough though. He quickly shifts his gaze down on his hands placed on his lap, a bit lost. And Donghyuck feels it. 

“It was a dream come true that I passed and was chosen as one of the lucky foreign students to get a scholarship here. I was so happy that I nearly passed out feeling so much,” Donghyuck sips one last time at his drink, the crumpled carton now on the marble table, quickly reaching for Renjun’s tiny hands over his. He gives a reassuring squeeze, feeling all what Renjun has been carrying over his small figure all those times. Renjun has a lot more to say, but Donghyuck understands him now. Maybe he hasn’t reached him that far yet, but this is the start. He’s getting there. He can’t help feeling elated, but there’s an ugly and sour feeling pooling inside his chest  because apart from understanding him a tad,he also feels the pain and the uncertainty that Renjun is feeling.

Renjun squeezes his hand back once, letting him know he is fine — a silent thank you. “When I’m about to board the plane, and I’ve turned my back to my parents without the certainty to hold on. On when I’m going to see them again, or if I will ever survive the life I will face here, I cried so hard. It was so embarrassing when there were a lot of people in the airport seeing me.” He chuckles, voice suddenly thick and Donghyuck hears a faint sob that he gives in the pull to take the older  into his arms. His figure so fragile and small, and his tears welled up as he felt Renjun’s shoulders heaving up and down. 

Donghyuck whispers sweet nothings, assuring him that he’s with him and he can stop if he doesn’t want to go further. The day is so bright and clear, but it all goes to nothing as he held the weeping boy in his arms. All brighter, that can go against the sun. However, is dulled down by how the unfairness of life brought him down a hole so deep and dark, that Donghyuck wonders if the boy clutching into his shirt so hard ever doubted that there is a way to go up and see the light once more. If he could climb up.

Donghyuck is there. He holds him tighter, and he will be there to help pull him up.

“But you know, I wondered at that time if some empathises with me because they feel the same. I know that with tonnes of people there, some might also be feeling the same way as I did. I just did a better job of expressing it.” They laughed together, but Donghyuck held him tighter — if that’s even possible with how he’s clinging to Renjun so much. He thinks he’s the one needing it more than Renjun, and he laughs at himself internally. 

They were practically hugging each other, drawing the attention of other students who were passing by but they couldn’t care less. The wide and tall tree shields them from the harsh sunlight of midday, and just a little more than an hour of break is left for them before their next class starts. 

“It was easier when moving in my stuff because everything is settled for my housing and other more. So yeah it kind of lifted some of my worries. My dorm mates were good people and easy to get along with, and Korean isn’t really a problem for me because I can fluently speak it.” Donghyuck nods, his chin hooked over Renjun’s shoulder.

“Then the first day happened —  you happened. Thank you, Hyuckie.” Donghyuck mutters a for what? And Renjun just shrugs, he laughs and Donghyuck feels the vibration on his chest. “For everything.” 

Donghyuck gets it. Feels more than hears it. Even though he doesn’t really know what everything is, he knows the sincerity the words of Renjun brings. But Renjun doesn’t have to thank him. Donghyuck would do anything — everything if he can because Renjun deserves all, if not more. 

He nods, hugs Renjun closer and he whispers. “Thank you for trusting me,” His voice so low, almost a whisper that the wind can drown away, but Renjun hears him. 

“I will always do, Donghyuck. Thank you for trusting me, too. Thank you for being an answer in this whole chaos of uncertainty.” Renjun answers back,voice muffled by how his lips are pressed into Donghyuck’s shirt. 

It doesn’t get past the ears of Donghyuck and his heart clenches so tightly, it made him think it was harder to breathe. Such a big word and a heavier meaning to it — more than how it sounds like. And for Renjun to say such, made Donghyuck feel something hurt in his chest, but is all the more welcome. The pleasant kind of tinge of hurt, because it was Renjun. Whatever that means, he’ll figure it out later on. In hindsight, he has an idea of what it really is. Nevertheless, he thinks it’s better to put it aside for now. Maybe it’s too early, but maybe it isn't. 

Donghyuck breathes in the pleasant  floral scent Renjun has. So relaxing and pleasing, he couldn’t help but breathe more in and close his eyes. Maybe they looked like fools clinging to each other as if their life depended on one another, but that doesn’t really bother the both of them when nothing really matters aside from them and what they had built as a friend of the other who they dearly hold in each other’s hearts.

Something really shifted in them after that moment happened. Donghyuck couldn’t be bothered though, because honestly, it all felt natural that he finds it not really bothering. Not really, when Renjun clings to him the moment they are left together with their own privacy inside Donghyuck’s dorm, this time around, the older visits him for the sole reason that he was bored left in their dorm room alone… again.

Renjun becomes extra clingy to him, but Donghyuck can’t complain when he becomes just the same too. It all first happens when they were silently studying, Renjun taking a break in between, when he all so suddenly crawls over Donghyuck’s bed where he was sitting, eyes focused on his laptop screen for a file he is studying. All shocked, his eyes carefully followed Renjun’s movements, momentarily widening when the older threw himself over him, arms wrapping onto his neck, nuzzling it. 

It will be a lie if he says that he didn’t feel his heart skip a beat at that. Gulping nervously, he threads Renjun’s hair with his finger now leaving his sides. After pushing his laptop away somewhere on the bed, he carefully wraps his free arm on Renjun’s waist, supporting the weight of the boy straddling him. Donghyuck gauges his reaction, but he only felt the Chinese melting against him. “Do you want to rest?” He whispers at Renjun. Voice so low, he’s afraid that if he speaks louder, he’ll startle him.

Renjun nods his head in agreement, Donghyuck carefully shifting their bodies so he can let Renjun lay down on the bed properly. The older grunts at the loss of warmth, so ever so careful, Donghyuck scoots closer to him, hesitantly wrapping his right arm around Renjun’s middle. The older hums, pulling Donghyuck closer to him that he is taken aback by the suddenness. 

Renjun fell asleep like that. His body pressed against Donghyuck who was silently watching him, so peaceful in his sleep. He had silently wished to see Renjun this happy and calm everyday, because he doesn’t deserve the cruelty of this world. 

Donghyuck hugs him tighter, pulling him until his forehead touches his chest. Donghyuck places his chin lightly at the sleeping boy’s head, closing his eyes as sleep embraces him.

He definitely tilted his head down to press his lips on top of  Renjun’s head, just lightly on his thick and silky hair. So faint, he’s sure that a sound asleep Renjun didn't feel it.

Donghyuck feels a hand on top of his, gently squeezing it, earning his attention. As if pulled out of his trance, he looks at Renjun who is worriedly looking at him. “You alright?” 

“Sorry, just remembered something.” He says, apologetically.

“Is there something bothering you?” Renjun doesn’t let go of his hand, worry still evident in his voice that stands out among the vibrant noise inside the cafe. Sometimes, Donghyuck wonders if he is so obvious, but then Renjun wouldn’t realise that. He’s too good for his own, and Donghyuck wants to protect him so bad.

“None at all. It's a good kind of remembering, don’t worry. What is it?” Donghyuck asks instead. Renjun observes him with a scrutinising look before letting out a sigh as he nods. 

Renjun let’s go of his hand to pick up his wallet from his coat’s pocket. Donghyuck mourns the loss, however he stays silent at that. Renjun doesn’t have to know. 

“Do you want to eat? I’ll go buy your favourite.” He makes way to the counter to order some when Donghyuck gives him an excited nod.

As Donghyuck leans back on his chair, not so discreetly staring at his best friend, he wonders how long it has been since they got so close. He wonders how long has it been since they paid careful attention towards each other?

It’s one of those times where Donghyuck gets caught up with the piling work for school. It isn’t new, but it’s never a welcomed feeling, especially during the times where he gets so frustrated and the drive to be productive is not there. He is in a slump, and it’s always the worst because this is one of the times where he has to work his ass off, but his body and mind just wouldn’t cooperate.

It would feel much better if Renjun was there to morally support him. Just sitting by the edge of Donghyuck’s bed, or claiming his study desk that Donghyuck doesn’t really mind. Oh how donghyuck wishes that the older is there to hug him to help dissipate the uneasiness he is feeling.

As if that specific day had done something magical with their bond, they were literally attached to the hip after that. Though it isn’t a surprise that even though they were clearly touching the waters, still, they haven’t been awkward at all. Not once after that, and it all just came out so naturally. 

Naturally coping up with life with just the other by their side. Renjun never complained, and he never will. No when all he feels is warmth and peace of mind from Renjun.

So, to this time, it is what Donghyuck heeds for. Pettily whining on his bedroom floor, chin hooked over his arms propped over his bent knees. “Renjunieee,” he cries out.

As if on cue, his phone chimed from a new text message he had received. Sulkily, he blindly reaches for his phone somewhere beside him. All the stress and uneasiness gone by the second he reads the notification. 

Injunnie

chocolate or vanilla?

[photo attached]

Hyuck

chocolate! 

my fave lol

are you giving me some?

Injunnie

you wish : P

Hyuck

boring 

Injunnie

how’s your homework going?

Hyuck

not good

i’m on a slump

Renjun doesn’t reply. And Donghyuck would be lying if he said he  didn’t feel bothered   about that. The only speck of light he’s looking forward to getting through this day, and now he’s gone for an unknown reason, leaving Donghyuck’s message on read. Worst day of his life, definitely. 

And he spoke too soon. He feels lightheaded all of a sudden when he grumpily opens the door for a surprise visit from someone, and he definitely takes his earlier words back.

In front of him, Renjun greets him with his presence. All comfortable in his sweats and an oversized shirt in black —his favourite of all time. This might be one of the best days in Donghyuck’s life, even though every minute spent with Renjun feels the best, if he’s just honest. Probaby, his veins buzz with excitement and giddiness, he doesn't even think twice of pulling Renjun into his arms. The box of cupcakes squished between them, but he couldn’t care less. 

Even though he's taller than his friend, he still melts onto him when he feels the older latching his arms around him, although with a struggle. Renjun groans, “You’re going to ruin the cupcakes!” There wasn’t a bite to that, both just giggling at how funny they see their situation is. 

They found themselves cramped over the couch in the living room, Donghyuck pressed against Renjun’s side. He feels and looks so small, hugging the older’s waist tightly and his head pressed over Renjun’s chest. The older carding through his locks in a soothing manner, his other hand holding a half eaten cupcake over Donghyuck’s mouth, feeding him.

“Such a baby.” Renjun grumbles. Donghyuck whines and presses himself further onto the Chinese. Opening his mouth and making a noise, indicating to feed him. Donghyuck hums in contentment when the older complies, but not with a hiss of fake annoyance.

“Are you feeling better now, baby? ” Donghyuck prevents himself from shooting his head up with how Renjun’s words—or that particular word, had taken him by surprise. He buries his head over Renjun’s shoulder deeper instead.

“Hmm,” Donghyuck hums. Pretty satisfied. He gets a lot from this scenario, in all honesty. He gets to eat his favourite cupcake from his favourite cafe, he gets to cuddle his best friend, and he gets to relax away from school stress all together. 

Renjun exhales deeply, before breathing in and moving his hand from Donghyuck’s hair down to his cheeks, giving it a light pinch. “Good. Now you rest first and then continue your work later. I’ll be here.” 

Donghyuck somehow gets lulled by those words from Renjun’s sweet voice and scent. His low humming of a familiar tune, made Donghyuck’s eyelids heavy. And somehow, as he was borderline in dream land and consciousness of reality, he felt Renjun move. Their position is quite strategic and uncomfortable, but the Chinese didn’t  do anything to move Donghyuck away or fix his position. Then he feels a press of something, so light that he might have missed it, just on top of his head. Maybe he was already dreaming.

“Sleep well,” Renjun whispers, but Donghyuck doesn’t get to hear that, now sleeping on his arms. 

Donghyuck makes a stupid face. So stupid that Renjun frowns at his state, currently walking back to their table, a box of chocolate cupcakes he carefully carries on both his open palms. 

“What are you smiling so foolishly for?” Renjun places the box and opens the cover to grab one cupcake, carefully placing it on the dessert plate in front of Donghyuck that has been there for a while now from their first dessert. 

Renjun quirks an eyebrow before settling down in front of Donghyuck, his gaze not wavering as Donghyuck meets his with mirth. It’s a hard task to avoid his eyes from crinkling when he remembers and thinks about that scenario a few months back. 

The older leans over the table, even makes the effort to lift himself up and lunges forward a little to stare deeper into Donghyuck’s eyes. Donghyuck stares back, his previous chuckling stops but his eyes are honest and unwavering — happy. 

As if there’s something with his words, Renjun steps back, sinking back in his chair. He clears his throat and an obvious blush creeps on his cheeks and the tip of his ears. Donghyuck is plenty amused, chuckling a little at how he finds that cute.

“Of course, why would I forget about that,” Renjun retorts with fake nonchalance, just because Donghyuck can perfectly see beyond that facade.  His right hand formed into a fist that he brought over his mouth to fake cough. 

“I just remembered the time when you first knew what my favourite dessert is… and the flavour, of course!” 

He stares once more, his lips lifting up slightly. He would probably look ridiculous in someone's point of view, but he can’t stop himself from doing that. It’s Renjun. Renjun deserves to be adored just as much, if not more.

Before his best friend could even catch him and give him an incredulous look again, he reaches for the fork beside his plate to dig in on his cupcake. Just a small piece that he reaches forward, to a flustered Renjun who hasn’t foreseen his action, who belatedly opens his mouth to take in the treat, still. 

He mockingly glares at Donghyuck who finds delight at a Renjun, fazed. He rolls  his eyes, but is delightedly enjoying the piece of cupcake fed to him. 

“Tasty, right?” Donghyuck asks with a smirk, digging in for himself. He hums in satisfaction with the perfect taste.

Rennjun huffs, “Actually, I will never forget that because it took me a few hours before I could feel my arms again because you slept on it. It fucking hurt.”

This time, Donghyuck laughed so hard he could feel his chest heave up and down so bad. He feels sweaty under his hoodie that he doesn’t really pay much attention to anyway. Renjun grumbles under his breath and Donghyuck mutters, “Sorry,” before calming down.

He sniffs. “But, really, thank you. That day was horrible.”

Renjun crosses his arms in front of him, a small tug of his lips up but still so sincere. “Good thing I was free that day. It was a coincidence but… I’m glad I helped a bit.”

“A lot, actually.” Donghyuck smiles just as much and reaches for Renjun’s mouth again that opens up immediately, biting down on the slice of the desert on the fork. 

They went back to typing away at their laptops. Brows furrowed and eyes and faces almost attached to the screens. It’s around seven in the evening, and the crowd is gathering inside the cafe to take shelter from the surprising first snow of the year.  Some others opt for colder drinks despite the freezing weather, perched up on tables near the windows. Others prefer the hot drinks of course, accompanied by sweeter delicacies. 

There are people who were alone and are just mindlessly staring and watching the life of the city outside, some are just as busy as Renjun and Donghyuck (maybe they procrastinated just as much or just feeling so diligent particularly that night), and some are with their loved ones casually and silently talking in hushed voices. 

Donghyuck stretches and reaches for his drink, almost empty. He leans back at his chair, clasping his hands together before stretching it forward. The tension on his shoulders lessened a bit. Albeit the obvious frown lines on Renjun’s forehead are so intense, he still looks pretty and stunning. His face so angelic and peaceful. One could tell how much goes on his head; pretty mind with so much wonders inside. 

Sometimes, it passes Donghyuck’s mind on just how much a little body likes his handle so much. But then he is reminded how strong-minded Renjun is. Emotionally and physically, too.

He’s glad that he’s able to witness such. And the pride he brings with being one of the persons Renjun trusts his whole life with.

There are also times where he feels so useless, and Renjun says it’s normal that people feel like that from time to time. It’s a nature each human being has, and it’s okay to feel lost and sad. It’s okay to cry, it’s needed from time to time. 

“Remember that you are not alone, Hyuck. Even though you don’t have dozens of people around you, what’s important is the people that are there for you. Look, I’m here!” Renjun reaches for his hand that’s propped behind him as a support. 

It’s a normal weekend where both of them are temporarily free from the grasp of university work, and they are currently sitting on a cloth over the grass in the city park. With that, they prepared an impromptu picnic, and somehow and somewhere within their conversation, Donghyuck felt so fragile and small at the moment that he wanted to be held and just be him .

It’s embarrassing as it is because they’re literally in public. He scoots over to Renjun’s side as he lays his head down over his thighs. Renjun welcomes him, smiling down at him when he sees the evident pout on Donghyuck’s lips. 

Renjun reaches for his forehead to relieve the creases away from his frowning, and then he moves his other free hand over his head, his dainty fingers carding through his locks.

“You’re a great person, Hyuck. And it does get a little lonely at times, I know, but I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.” Donghyuck smiles at that as he carefully closes his eyes. Just satisfied with the pleasant noise of people chatting around, the birds chirping, and sometimes the screech of children playing by the playground. 

The week had been so stressful and Donghyuck thinks he had failed a subject or two, but he knows he had worked hard. The exams drained his life out and he probably would not want to see his grades ever. What matters more right now is that he is with Renjun and he feels so loved. So much, that the last thing in his mind right now is the problem he has to face in a few days' time.

“You’re doing great, you baby. You’ll definitely pass those subjects. We’ll celebrate after.” Renjun says. He can’t see what he is doing or where he is looking because his eyes are still closed, but Donghyuck is certain that there is a smile painted on the older’s face.

“What if I don’t?”

“Then, we’ll still celebrate. Trust me though, you will.” 

They laughed at that with Donghyuck pressing his face further into Renjun’s abdomen who doesn’t relent at carding his fingers through his hair. It stops though, for a moment Donghyuck mourns at the loss of contact. His heart skips a bit, his stomach churns with a familiar feeling that has been present for a few weeks now, when he felt Renjun’s smaller hands held onto his that is placed just on top of his own thigh.

It’s a moment too intimate. Something they often share when they’re alone together. Definitely, this is not something new, but definitely this particular moment says how different it is from the other instances. 

Donghyuck held onto it before giving a light squeeze, then he felt his hand being brought up. Right after, there’s a press  of lips on one of his knuckles, his heartbeat picking up as he carefully opens his eyes to find Renjun staring down at him already. 

The obvious reddening of Renjun’s cheeks gets Donghyuck off guard, his eyes turned into saucers at the realisation of what his friend  had done. He makes a move to sit up straight again, his head feeling dizzy at the sudden action that puts a worry on Renjun’s face.

Donghyuck smiles at him and waves his hand in front of them to tell him okay. Then he gulps, but smiles so wide that he can feel his jaw hurt. That doesn’t matter though, because all he could feel right now is that certain feelings growing over time with the presence of Renjun. Because of Renjun. 

If he doesn’t read the signs wrong and he could see it right all those times, what Renjun’s eyes tell that words can’t, is just the same as his—at what he’s feeling. 

It takes him by surprise and everything comes in like a blur. Just a few seconds ago their gazes locked at each other, no one dared to move and their breaths were held like they didn’t want to disturb the peace. Ironic at how the whole city is practically buzzing with life and pollution. 

Donghyuck felt like his lungs got knocked out, out of breath. His eyes widen at the feeling of Renjun’s lips touching his. It was brief, but it felt eternal. Just a simple touch of their lips, but Donghyuck is beaming at Renjun who looked lost and concerned at the same time.

When Renjun moves back, eyes trailed on the ground Donghyuck can’t help but feel concerned too. “I- I’m sorry, Hyuck. I-”

Before Renjun could say anything further, Donghyuck grabs both of his hands into his, “Do you regret it?” He asked, making the boy abruptly look at him, the furrowing of his brows that Donghyuck doesn’t want to see on that beautiful face. “N-no! I mean… no, it’s just that it was so sudden and maybe you di—” 

Donghyuck held his unmoving hand tighter, closer to his heart. They stayed in silence with Donghyuck staring at him, at his eyes, as if he hung the stars — even the whole galaxy — inside those dark and enticing orbs. With each passing that they stay like that, Renjun makes way to pull his hands away from Donghyuck’s grip, but the younger just holds onto them tighter. 

Lost and confused, Renjun stares at him with those lost eyes. He sees frustration swirling  in there because Donghyuck stays silent.  Yet, Donghyuck just smiles at him, wider even this time. He briefly let’s go of Renjun's hands, and without wasting any more time, he holds onto Renjun’s nape, pulling him towards him and their lips meet halfway. 

When Renjun leans more, weight leaning on Donghyuck, Donghyuck supports his body. He held onto his waist to help him straddle his crossed legs. His other hand is now cupping Renjun’s left cheek. Their kiss was slow and sweet. So light but eager even though their lips are touching so lightly. And maybe it isn’t the best scenario in a park where children are present and others who are just trying to make it through the day. 

Under the bright sunshine and clear sky, where people could see them and an unexpected kiss they shared. It was perfect as it is, nonetheless. 

As they walked back to Renjun’s dorm, they shared hushed laughter and whispers of secrets they surprisingly haven’t. Donghyuck learns that Renjun is a fan of things unknown and is genuinely hooked with the mystery of the world and universe. For Donghyuck, Renjun holds the entire universe. His eyes hold the stars, and the universe’s beauty wouldn’t compare to his. Mysterious and beautiful. Donghyuck wants to know more about him. 

With how things progressed today, a part of him firmly believes that he would get to have the chance to.

 Together, alone in the hallways of the quiet building with few students who pass by, they quietly sneak inside with hands entwined with the other. As if they’re back at their teens who are disgustingly giddy of being with their crush, they both head towards the quiet end of the hallway of Renjun’s dorm floor. They watch as a few more students go, and when the hallway is quiet again, both lean back at the wall where they could stay hidden.

They find each other’s hand and giggles stupidly. They both let go of a breath before Donghyuck turns his head on the side to take a better look at Renjun. He stares. Whatever is going on with both of them, he hopes that it will take the right turn. Donghyuck believes it will.

And as if there’s a silent whisper of something pulling them together and leaning in each other’s spaces, they gave in without hesitation. They kissed once more, and this time they took their time. Hearts beating so fast inside their chests that felt too small, overflowing with so much emotions they were feeling all at once. 

Hearts content, hands still clasped together, and veins buzzing with all the adrenaline. Donghyuck feels all fuzzy as he wraps his arms on Renjun’s lithe waist, the older responding by circling his on Donghyuck’s neck. With adoring gazes at each other, it’s Renjun who speaks first. “I like you, Donghyuck.”

It’s a whisper intended for Donghyuck to hear. As if a secret that only they share, as if it’s meant to be heard by Donghyuck and Donghyuck only. The wind takes it away, a silent whisper  of their true feelings for each other.

“I like you so much, Renjun.”

“What are you laughing at again?” Renjun amused, asks.

“Our first kiss,” Donghyuck laughs harder at how Renjun’s eyes turned round at the shock. And anytime soon a blush will creep over his face again.

“That wasn’t really the best, but oh well, it’s you so I guess it was… fine.” Renjun gets back at him a little later after he recovers.

“Hey! You’re so mean. You’re the first to confess, though, so it’s a win for me,” Donghyuck pouts while Renjun just shrugged at him before chuckling, lifting over the straw of his drink to his mouth, sipping a little of the liquid. 

“Wouldn’t trade for anything else, to be honest,” Renjun winks at him, reaching for his hand over the table and squeezes it lightly. A gesture they had been sharing for a little while now. Something the two of them only know the meaning of. Donghyuck’s heart flutters. “I love you.”

Donghyuck smiles, so timid that it brought a disbelieving laugh out of Renjun’s lips. “Sap,” Renjun pinches the skin under on his palms. That definitely hurt.

“I love you, too.” Donghyuck makes a kissy face on which Renjun just snorts at.

“Why are we like this ? Right when we are cramming and fighting for our lives.” Renjun feigns annoyance in his voice, but his lips hinting a mention of a smile betrays that.

“You love me though.”

“Hmm?”

Donghyuck whines, “Renjunieee~”

After a little bit over an hour, and files that had been sent to their professors’ emails, they were set to go home. Not really something they look forward to because it’s when their day ends, where they have to part ways for the meantime. If lucky enough, they will be seeing each other during Christmas day. 

Everything comes so easily with Renjun, even their essay. They were so worked up on how they’ll not be able to finish, but it’s Renjun. And Renjun is with Donghyuck, they’re together, so they made it work. 

The snow had stopped falling, but it was not the worst snowfall, yet, so the streets are safer to walk on. They passed by different shops and buildings that are very much still alive, the buzz of the approaching Christmas eve filling the air.

Donghyuck walks him back to the dorms, purposely slowing down their steps just to delay their parting. Renjun intertwines their fingers, putting it inside his coat’s pocket. Donghyuck smiles to himself, holding Renjun’s hand tighter.

“I realised, we missed the chance to wish during the first snow.” Renjun pouts, leaning closer to Donghyuck for warmth, or he’s just really clingy.

Donghyuck holds him there. “You really believe in that?” 

“Why not? There’s nothing to lose and it’s really nice to look forward to something every year. Especially when you are remembering someone special to you, right?” Renjun says as if it’s nothing and a normal conversation topic. Although it was a vague mention of that someone special, Donghyuck instantly melts at that. It’s him, right? He’s the someone special to Renjun. 

They constantly remind the other how special they are and how dear to them they are. Sometimes, the insecurity is there, but they never fail to always make them feel that they are loved and that there’s nothing to worry about. They will be there for each other if one needs a shoulder to lean on. In times like this, when they get all shy just like back when they started dating, it all stirs their emotions and feelings for the other.

This is one of the times Donghyuck gets taken by surprise. When Renjun implies how he feels for him but doesn’t directly tell it. Donghyuck feels special. He feels special when he puts his name as that person who Renjun values and treasures the most apart from his family. 

Renjun is sweet, special, and mysterious like that. It is because it’s Renjun, and he loves him.

“Hmm. I guess so?” He answers instead.

“Honestly, it’s okay, because we were together the time the first snow happened, and that means that we will stay together forever!” And Donghyuck halts their steps, Renjun confused, glances at him. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Donghyuck doesn’t answer him. In the middle of the busy street, he pulls Renjun in for a tight embrace. Renjun took time to get what’s happening, but he eventually hugs Donghyuck back. Just as tight.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too”

“I’ll see you on Christmas, then.” Donghyuck whispers as they stop at the building’s entrance. 

“Hmm. I’ll see you.” They stared at each other for a little while, holding up their gazes full of adoration for each other. Always so honest, the raw emotions evident.

It’s Donghyuck who leans down to catch the soft lips of his boyfriend with his. There is no one to bother and they will not be bothered out there. The soft breeze of the cold wind going past them, shivering at the sensation. Their hair sticking at all places, the fur in their coats just the same. 

They stared at each other again, nowhere near getting tired of it. Donghyuck smiles as he reaches for Renjun’s hand to gently squeeze it. A gesture and silent reminder that he’s always there and will always be there with him.

“Good night,” Renjun whispers, as if he speaks any louder the peaceful night will break.

“Good night, baby.” With one last peck on the cheek, Donghyuck watches as Renjun enters the elevator, with a final wave and that beautiful smile of his, reserved and directed only for his boyfriend.

It’s Christmas day and Donghyuck spent Christmas Eve with his family. They had a feast that night, with most of their relatives visiting. It’s unusual for the majority of people in Korea, and it’s much more normal to see couples dating and spending their Christmas eve together. But, Donghyuck guesses, they’re part of the minority.

He video called with Renjun just right after they fixed the table and had washed the dishes together with his younger brother, hands dried over his sweater, he picked up the call. All content and night completed with the adorable smile of his boyfriend greeting him. Renjun  is obviously tired, waiting for Donghyuck to finally be available for the night.

It’s midnight when he gets a hold of his phone and finally be away from the chatter and prying eyes of his family, that’s when he shoots a text. 

“Hi, baby.” Renjun greets him with a smile as the video call got connected

“You’re sleepy. Go sleep now, baby.” He whispers, a side of his face pressed over his pillow. He sneaks a look at Renjun who yawns again, waving his hand before plopping on his bed, back pressed at the headboard. 

“It’s fine. We could talk for a few minutes.”

And they spent their time talking about what had happened inside Donghyuck’s home. How it was all messy in there with so many people, and very tiring. It was so fun, on the other hand. They get to experience that feeling only just once a year, and that’s the opportunity where they get closer again — catching up with life. They laughed at the mishaps and Renjun coos at the cuter scenarios with Donghyuck and his siblings. 

“You’re going to meet them tomorrow!” It’s the first time Renjun will meet Donghuck’s extended family. And although they both are looking forward to it, Renjun is still very much nervous about that prospect.

“What if they —”

“Shush. They already love you so much!” Donghyuck rolls on his stomach, extending his arms a little away from his face as he peeks up over his phone to look at Renjun who just chuckles at the statement, even though hesitation is evident in his eyes.

“Really, huh? What should I bring?”Renjun sheepishly replied.

“Yes. And don’t bother, really. Your presence is enough.” Donghyuck winks.

“You’re insufferable.” And they laughed. 

With that and a little bit more conversation, Renjun is the first to bid his goodbye as he still needs to get up early to visit Donghyuck’s home and meet his family.

It’s a lie if Donghyuck says he doesn’t smile  into his sleep. The thought of his family meeting his  boyfriend that they already love when they’re yet to meet him,  during Christmas, brings that warmth spreading in the chest again. A huge leap in their relationship, and maybe the start of something new — more. He loves Renjun dearly, so much he can’t even bring it to words. The prospect of spending more days, weeks, months, and years — a possible future with him… he looks forward to that.