Chapter Text
it was freezing as the cold pierced through her skin, the night felt eerie, the room was dead quiet with no one but herself engulfed in her own horrible thoughts. it was another long day, senti was still out on a mission, same goes for the others. the night was lonely, just her and her thoughts danced in pictures she would never imagine herself to see, to do. she shut her eyes as she breathes in deeply with a curve of a smile on her lips. it’s okay, it will be quick, compared to her endless hardships.
it was a long day, senti could feel her sore arms and joints as she stretched her body with a bag of food in one hand, she bought her something to eat on the way back, maybe that would put a smile on the old timer’s face, she thought, just thinking about it made her heart flutter. she wanted nothing but to lump at hua the moment she comes home. it was always like this, every time hua set out on a long mission and senti was left alone in their home, she would wait eagerly for her to come back. senti wasn’t the best at dealing with loneliness, so when she caught hua finally coming home ready to be embraced, the little spark of joy lighted in her heart was such a warm feeling. she wondered if it’s the same for her old timer.
the door creaked, senti’s head peeked in to see if hua is in the main room, but to her surprise, she wasn’t. she paid no mind to it maybe hua’s in her room or in the kitchen preparing food for them to eat at the dinner table. senti loves it, those little moments she gets to share with the old timer, and her only.
the night was quiet, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. senti glared at the window, the rain was still coursing, not too loud to be called a storm.
she waits and waits, who she expected to see was not here.
“old timer?” she called her casually, nothing happened. it’s okay, maybe she didn’t hear it.
“old timer . . . ?” she called her once again, tone barely below a whisper. it’s okay, maybe she was sleeping.
senti then walked to her room, door wide open with unmade bed and blankets on the ground, the old timer isn’t like this, she’s usually so organized. she stepped her foot in, only to find out her old timer wasn’t here, too.
“hua?” she called her name once more, with a higher determined tone. silence. senti felt cold crept up her body. but it’s okay, maybe she’s outside, it will be okay, just like any other time.
she waits and waits, dragging herself to every corner of their home. it was silent, as if she lives alone. something isn’t right.
just as she was about to head back, she heard a faint whisper and a rummage. it’s her. it has to be. senti ran across the floor trying her best to find the source of the little noise that anyone would miss. she ran to the kitchen, no one was there, a few vegetables were on the counter, it was left unfinished and the container was open. something isn’t right.
another faint noise, the balcony, it has to be there. senti sprinted to the source almost slipping against the wooden tiles. the night was cold, the freezing air brushed off her hair. she sweats from the thought, her heart clenched with her throat and chest feeling tight, her breathing was uneven. but it’s okay, it will be okay, just like any other time. she kept repeating to herself.
the door was locked,
“old timer?”
another dead silence. no. if she wasn’t there then the door wouldn’t be locked.
“hua? hua, are you in there?” senti said as she pressed her ear on the door trying to catch any sound as she could.
“hua? hua?!” yet another silence. her heart felt tight once more, the sound of her hand trying to open the door as she cluttered on the handle and her knocks getting louder each second in between was filling the air.
“hua? hua what are you doing?!” she tried to force open the door with how much pressure she had been putting on the handle. she clenched her hands with loud thuds could be heard as her punch grew desperate and a mess, she was a mess.
silence.
“i know you’re in there, hua, please talk to me!” senti was sure, her senses never betrayed her, not even once, especially when it has something to do with her old timer. a louder thud could be heard as she threw her body, stinging pain on her shoulder, failed in an attempt to break open the door. damn it. damn it. she cursed at herself.
after a few moments of her miserable attempts, a faint whisper could finally, finally, be heard.
“senti . . . “
senti’s eyes grew wide, her breathing stopped for a moment, her whole body freezing as a drop of sweat fell from her face, her hand stopped moving so her small voice could be heard, the air was quiet, her ears kept ringing as her faint whisper sounded loud within her head.
“please help me . . . ”
it sounded so small, barely above a whisper, so, so very tired. her heart stopped beating for a second, she was gasping for air, senti screamed,
“just open the door hua!” she grew desperate, her body marched the door, one, two, three times. it wasn’t looking good. she could taste iron in her mouth, damn it. it must be because her body fell tired from before. damn it. she cursed herself. but she wasn’t giving up, she would never, even if it breaks her arm, shatters her bone, she would never stop, not even for a second. then she did it again, and again, and again.
she crashed, her body fell to the ground with the broken door that once separated the two. tasted the frigid air on her face as she brought her body to stand and opened her eyes to see hua standing not too far from her.
with a trembling hand, a sharp knife pressed firmly against her neck.
senti felt her stomach drop, she felt nauseous, she wanted to throw up. her legs were failing her as she was tempted to fall, the world is quiet, the sight was so unsettling, her eyes grew blurry.
with a body so close yet so far away from her, a body so frail, so vulnerable, for once senti felt like her dearest could slip out of her life any moment. with quivering legs, senti stepped closer,
silence, the both of them didn’t utter a single word.
senti’s heart sank the moment her hand slightly moved, her mind was blank, her lungs were demanding for air, she paid no mind as she ran to her side as quickly as she can. she threw her hand, grabbing the knife as senti hissed from the pain the moment it cuts deeply through her skin, then threw it away, as far as it could from them, from her.
it’s okay, it will be okay, she’s safe now. both of them fell to their knees with hua in her arms, senti holds her tightly as someone would do with a lost, cold, child. she clings to her like a lifeline, slowly stroking her hair with a hand covered in blood. both of them had tears in their eyes, their whole body was trembling.
“senti . . . i’m sorry, i tried so hard to—i didn’t want to do it, but the voices, it’s—“ hua choked on her words, her cries grew louder as she gripped on senti, tears started dampening her clothes, “i’m so sorry, senti, i’m so sorry . . . “
senti hugged her firmly, as close as she could get, she’s warm. it’s okay, it will be okay, she’s safe, tucked closely in her arms,
“this isn’t your fault hua, it’s okay now, i’m here, let’s . . . let’s get you inside . . . “
senti then slowly carried her in her arms. tonight was freezing, the smell of rain dominating their senses, hua nuzzled against her neck as senti pressed a small kiss on her brow,
“i’m so sorry, senti . . . “ hua felt terribly guilty, her body felt cold, she felt horrible to have made her worried like this. she tried her best to set aside the thoughts, but the more she does, the more it came back. it’s something she can’t control, something outside of her control, she thought that maybe if she gave up for good, the voices would stop.
thousands of years of her life has led to this moment, the hardships, the betrayals, everything was supposed to end here. if only no one was here, if only senti wasn’t here, then perhaps she might’ve—“let’s talk about it inside, okay? you’re freezing, let’s get you warmed up.” senti said with an expression oh so lovingly, her eyes looked at her so fondly, eyes gleaming from tears. hua felt like she doesn’t deserve this, someone as kind and honest as her. she had done so much for hua, all she could do is promise herself that she would help senti whenever she’s in need. she would protect her just like how senti did. would she leave her one day? she thought to herself, it only scared her to no end.
but senti thinks the complete opposite. hua was the one that keeps her going, her memory was the one that purged the honkai’s will that once plagued her mind, her presence is what keeps her feeling things that she never thought she would have felt. her faint voices when she calls her name, how she helped her step into this world, how she never gets tired of her rambling. sometimes senti feels like she doesn’t deserve her, someone as gentle as her, who she trusts and loves oh so very much. she doesn’t want to let go. she cherished their moments together to no end, because no matter how much she denies it, deep down she knew a day where faith would separate them forever would inevitably come. but she doesn’t want to think about that, she would cherish the present and selfishly ignore the future. she doesn’t want to think about it. she was glad she could still hold hua like this.
she carefully sets hua down and brought a blanket to shield her from the cold as they both snuggled within each other’s embrace. the night was warm, the night was not so lonely anymore, no sounds could be heard but the lovely voices of each other filling the air for the whole night.
“when i saw you doing that, i couldn’t help but wonder, what did i do wrong . . . “
“senti, please don’t blame yourself. it was me, i was overwhelmed by my thoughts, i let it gets to my head . . . “
“it’s not your fault, too, old timer, you didn’t ask to feel this way. i was just . . . so, so scared that i did something wrong that made you didn’t want to talk to me . . . “
“you didn’t do anything wrong. i’m so glad to have you, you don’t know how much you saved me already, your presence alone made me feel safe.” hua trailed, with her tone so gentle as she closed her eyes, “who knows what would’ve happened to me if you weren’t there . . . ”
“don’t say that, it scares me.“ senti whimpered earning a chuckle from hua as her hug tightened against her waist.
“you know how much i love you, right?” senti continued, tilting her head down to see hua, with both of them tucked in the same warm blanket, “i would never leave you, hua, not even for a second. whatever problems you’re dealing with, whether it be big or small, we will figure things out together . . . “
“so please promise me—no, promise yourself, too, that you won’t do anything like that ever again.”
“i promise . . . “ hua faintly said, with her voice so kind, slowly tugging the other’s clothes as she pulled her closer, her heart felt pleasantly full. the night was warm, the night was not so lonely anymore.
“thank you, senti.”