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The bright lights of the practice room are giving Juyeon a headache, and it's late enough that he doesn't know if it's going to be dark outside when he gets out or if the sun is going to be just rising. The group practice ended almost two hours ago and, even if most of the members stayed a bit longer, at that point it's just Changmin and him still dancing.
At least that feels familiar enough to make him comfortable. It has been like that from the start, always both of them, always dancing together, staying after the rest have gone. It feels like it's never gonna change, and Juyeon definitely likes it that way. Eternal partners, sharing the spotlight.
The music starts again and he gets out of his thoughts for a while, his body reacting on muscle memory, his eyes checking the mirror to get every step exactly right. It's not perfect, but he knows he's too tired to do his best at the moment, and it's good enough to sigh and stop. There's still four days before the pre-recording for the Melon Music Awards, and enough practices have been scheduled that he feels confident. They'll do well.
By his side, Changmin seems to reach the same conclusion because he drops to the floor dramatically, lying down, face to the ceiling, and he lets out a half groan half scream that sounds so Changmin it makes Juyeon smile.
"Should we leave it here for today? We just learnt this part of the dance break" he asks, and Changmin nods before throwing his arm over his eyes, blocking the light.
Juyeon's head throbs, and he almost wants to close his eyes too, because they've been holed up in there for too long, but instead he just keeps looking at Changmin.
These days they style his black hair with the white strands that catch so much attention, and Juyeon thinks he looks amazing in them, really, but his favorite Changmin is still the one right in front of him. Hair swept up and messy from dancing, always moving so much, no makeup and a genuine expression that isn't for the cameras or the fans, just for the people by his side, for him.
Changmin smiles a little and sits up, trying to regain his energy, and Juyeon can't help but sit down next to him too.
"We're good, I'm confident about this one" says Changmin, "I think they'll like it."
"Me too" Juyeon smiles softly and rests his forearm on Changmin's shoulder, leaning a bit of his weight on him. Changmin doesn't complain, instead just looks at him before talking.
"We should go over the duo part a couple of times and then go home, I want to sleep at least a little before tomorrow's schedule."
"That'd be nice. I know we just learnt it today too but it was so many hours go it feels like a different week."
"I know, right? I was thinking that too, what was this day."
Juyeon looks at the dark circles under Changmin's eyes, and he knows he has them too. End of the year awards are always exhausting, and they almost overlap with their anniversary activities, so there's no time to rest. Still, he thinks everyone is handling it better than last year, maybe because they'll get a chance to see the fans in person at the concert, and for now they're doing good enough. It's been a long road, and all of them know how to take care of each other so they can keep going even on bad days.
"Yeah, but I kind of like being busy, less time to worry I guess" he says, and Changmin fixes his eyes on him. For a second, the intensity of his gaze from so close makes Juyeon's heart skip a beat, and he remembers what other things he hasn't been wanting to think about.
"I get it, but don't overwork yourself too much."
Juyeon smiles again, his posture relaxing a little. Changmin has also learnt a lot in all those years.
"Then should we just get this practice over with?"
"Yeah, let's go!" Changmin answers loudly, and he gets up, so Juyeon does, too.
The part of the choreo they do together isn't long, it's more like a solo for Changmin and then Juyeon comes in, and he thinks it's really cool. He has to slide on the floor and then hold Changmin's leg while he lies back until he's horizontal, and it's tricky. It requires a lot of core strength on Changmin's part, his upper body lowering slowly, and just the right amount of strength on Juyeon's part to hold him but not pull. If he does it wrong, Changmin might fall, and he's not gonna let that happen.
They've done more difficult and more dangerous things before, ever since Road to Kingdom, but it still requires a lot of control to make it look good. So they practice just that part for a while, Changmin always reassuring Juyeon that he's doing fine, and even through the tiredness he feels his heart warm up at the words every time.
The next part is just a couple of moves facing different directions, and then the ending, getting close and putting their hands on each other's chests like they're about to fight. It's similar to what he did on the mv with Hyunjae, but also really different because that was acting, and this is dancing. And it might feel like it should be the same, but acting through the dance has always been much, much easier for Juyeon. So much more full of feelings, of ways he can express everything he wants. In a personal level, it's also different because this is not Hyunjae, and Changmin's body is smaller, he's moving in different ways, and because it's Changmin. He always makes Juyeon feel safe and nervous at the same time, endeared and soft and also proud and powerful when they're dancing together.
He's a professional, though, and he knows he can do it in a cool way no matter how many thoughts of how pretty Changmin is are flooding his brain. The first few times they just get to the end and then move away immediately, preparing to go over it again, fixing the details, synchronizing everything. It's good, and they'll polish even more the next practice.
They do the whole routine again, and this time they hold the final pose a little longer, Jueyon's brain tired and slow, his hand lingering on Changmin's chest, and he can't help but notice how big it looks compared to Changmin's hand grabbing his shirt. And he's small, Jueyon could almost circle his entire waist with both hands. He looks up to find a slight smirk on Changmin's face, and Juyeon's suddenly smiling too, because he's just so cute, and his dimple is showing and-
"Yeah, the fans will like it for sure." Juyeon blinks a couple times at Changmin's words, and he takes back his hand slowly, a little embarrassed. He shouldn't be, because they're used to being pretty touchy, arms around shoulders and hands over hands all the time. But somehow it feels different, like he got caught, and Juyeon feels his face heat up a little.
"I know." He tries to answer confidently, and Changmin just laughs. It's a happy laugh, with the underlying tiredness that coats all of their actions at that point, and Juyeon feels everything getting back to normal.
"Let's end it here, I think we really need to sleep a little."
Juyeon nods, and they move to gather their things and turn off the music. The back of his hand brushes Changmin's when they walk out the door, and it leaves lingering chills on his whole arm, and lingering thoughts on his brain, refusing to leave. He wonders how Changmin would react if he just takes his hand while they walk out of the company building.
But those thoughts are probably just a product of his tired mind, so Juyeon tries not to pay attention to the part of his brain that knows he has been thinking about Changmin for weeks now, and keeps walking. It'll be easier to handle once he rests.
______
It is not, in fact, any easier after sleeping. If anything, it's kind of worse, because Juyeon keeps finding Changmin's eyes looking back at him every time he looks. His rested brain is just more aware of what he's doing, maybe even a little more confident, which doesn't help the rising speed of his heartbeat, really. Maybe Juyeon knows what he's been feeling for a while, maybe he doesn't want it to stop. Sometimes it hurts, but mostly it's warm, familiar, comfortable. He might want to try and push the limits of it a little, but not yet, he still has to act like he always does in front of the cameras, in front of everyone. And Changmin is not making it any easier for him.
There's no dance practice for the awards today, because they have a different schedule, and a fansign. An offline, in person fansign where they can see the fans after such a long time. All the members are loving it, everyone happy and loud and joking around a lot.
They sing and laugh and listen to the applause and find the energy they were missing on the bright expressions behind the masks. It's bittersweet because they want all of it, to see the smiles, to hear the screams, but it's enough, a much needed glass of water in the middle of the no-public-just-cameras desert.
Somehow Changmin and him end up recreating the fight part of their dance break, a little spoiler the fans aren't going to really understand yet, and Juyeon feels giddy. He puts one hand on Changmin's chest, then the other, he holds the lapels of his jacket and smiles all the time. Changmin keeps smirking, looking at him like he's having fun keeping a secret, and grabs his shirt too. He laughs when he lets go, the skin around his eyes wrinkling and the white strands on his hair almost hidden behind the black. Juyeon can't help but giggle, too, softer, feeling warm all over. Changmin is so cute.
They get back to the company on the same car, tired but content, and Changmin sits next to him with a sigh.
"Do you think things will really get better soon?" He asks, and Juyeon knows where it's coming from.
"I do" he answers, and then stops to think carefully about his next words, "it might have ups and downs for a while more, but I think we'll do the offline concert just fine, and even if it takes more time than we'd like, soon we'll be performing in front of the fans again."
Changmin sighs again, and then moves slowly until his head is resting on Juyeon's shoulder. At his other side Eric is asleep already, and the car feels somewhat private, theirs.
"You're so optimistic. I really hope you're right, I'm happy about today but it just makes me want more."
Juyeon nods, careful not to move too much.
"Me too, but we've gotten this far, we can handle a little more of it."
"Yeah" Changmin whispers "yeah, we can wait a bit more. It'll be worth it."
And Juyeon knows what he's talking about, but with Changmin's whole arm pressing against his, their knees brushing a little, he can't help but think if waiting for other things will be worth it too. He hopes Changmin can't hear how fast his heart is beating as he puts a hand on his leg, right above the knee. Once again it's easy, familiar, and yet nerve-wracking at the same time. Juyeon is not sure if he's been thinking too much or too little lately.
"The fans are waiting too, seeing them happy will sure be worth it."
Changmin hums, and doesn't move his head from Juyeon's shoulder even when the conversation dies down. Maybe they'll talk about that more later, because even if Juyeon knows Changmin is a pretty private person, he likes to think that he's been opening up to him more and more. And he wants to be there for him every time.
Juyeon takes out his phone to distract himself, and after a while notices that Changmin has fallen asleep too. A rush of affection goes through him like a needle piercing soft fabric, and he wants nothing but to hold him and tell him how precious he is. Juyeon smiles, feeling all soft and giddy, and tells himself that he can wait as much as it's necessary.
______
The group practice is going great. The dance break is mostly divided by a few members at a time and some dancers, but they have a group part at the end, and it's clear that they've finally gotten the hang of it. There are still details to polish but they're on it, Changmin looking for mistakes while Juyeon leads the practice. Their energy is still high and the room is filled with loud voices, cheers and jokes. They change positions and now it's Jueyon watching all of them, and really, they do amazing. He absolutely knows how good the members are, but sometimes it still surprises him. Changmin is at his best too, and it's hard to takes his eyes off him, the way he moves with so much power and grace at the same time, making it look easy. Juyeons gaze stays for a moment too long on the patch of skin visible when Changmin lifts his arms and the shirt rides up a little, and then he catches himself and goes back to pay attention to the rest.
They dance all together and record it, monitoring it later, Juyeon with one arm thrown over Changmin's shoulders. It's also always incredible, how well Changmin can lead a dance, pointing out small differences in the way they do the moves, the angles and the expressions. His energy is amazing, he gets serious when he has to and everyone listens to him and trusts his judgment. Juyeon still thinks he's really cute, because he always does, but Changmin can be both things at the same time.
He keeps looking at Juyeon until he realizes, and now Juyeon is not sure if he used to do that all the time and he's just seeing it now, or if Changmin has been looking at him more lately. The thought makes him a little dizzy. Maybe there's a possibility that Changmin wants the same thing. Maybe he also wants to stay by his side, to hold his hand, to put his arms around his waist and pull him close. Maybe he has been dreaming about soft touches and stolen kisses between schedules too. But maybe not.
"Juyeon, do you think is good like that?" Changmin asks him, and Juyeon gets out of his daydream.
"Yes, just maybe a little more strength on the steps" he answers, and then he smiles at Changmin small nod.
"Okay, so one last time, all of it!"
Everyone gets to positions again and they go through the whole routine, almost flawlessly. It feels nice, satisfaction settling in when the music ends, content sighs echoing through the room. Once they're done and happy, the members start to leave the room, heading home or to other practices and schedules.
Hyunjae and Sunwoo stay a little more for their part of the dance break while Juyeon repeats some steps to make sure they look good, but eventually is just Changmin and him again.
Juyeon dances, trying not to think too much, trying to keep the way Changmin leans on him when he laughs out of his mind. It doesn't really work, because he has so many memories of his hand on Changmin's shoulder, holding him, hiding his face on his back when it's Juyeon the one laughing. He doesn't know how long ago it all started to turn into pining, into wanting, but it's too late now and he has to make an effort not to look at Changmin's lips every time he gets close.
It's distracting, but Juyeon's body is also used to working with many things on his head and in any kind of conditions, so he dances, and dances. His part at the center is almost as polished as it can be, because there's always a little more, but he likes it like that. So he takes a little break to drink water and let his muscles rest, and settles down on the floor of the practice room.
Changmin is dancing to his solo part right before Juyeon comes in, and it's almost hypnotizing to watch. Juyeon realizes he's staring but there's nothing he can do about it, and besides it's not uncommon of him, Changmin won't mind. But it's just- he doesn't really have the words for it but he's always amazed by the way Changmin moves. Juyeon wonders what it feels like, to dance being Changmin, with that smaller, strong and flexible body, with so much control. Does he not feel like his limbs are too long like Juyeon does every time he tries something new? Does he feel lighter? He wants to know, he wants to listen to Changmin talking about dance again and again.
Changmin stops the music and starts it again, taking a second to smile at Juyeon and raise his eyebrows curiously, and that simple glance sends an adrenaline rush through Juyeon's whole body. He also wants Changmin's eyes on him all the time, his hair between his fingers, his breath mixing with his. Juyeon drops his gaze to the floor, hiding his face a little, feeling his ears getting red. Changmin is a dream he's spent too long wishing to make real, and now he doesn't know how to stop.
"Come on, let's make this choreo perfect" Changmin tells him when he finally gets up from the floor, a bright smile on his face, and Juyeon can only smile back and nod.
Changmin's hair is a little messy, and his shirt a little too big on him, and when he's just standing, moving his hands around while talking about the details they should pay attention to, Juyeon finds him just so cute.
They put the music on and get through the movements automatically, immersed in the choreography, focused. And then they reach the end and move towards each other with force and purpose, rehearsing the expressions as well as the steps. Changmin's hand feels strong on Juyeon's chest, pushing just the right amount, and everything goes perfectly. Except that Changmin's face, all serious and cool and intense, suddenly makes Juyeon laugh. It starts with a chuckle and he lets go of his shirt to cover his mouth while he looks sideways, turning a little shy. The giggles don't stop when Changmin looks at him with a surprised expression, mouth forming a circle first and slowly turning into a smile, eyebrows high enough that they almost disappear behind his hair.
"What's so funny?" Changmin asks, his dimple is showing and Juyeon has to resist the urge to poke it. "Can't you keep a straight face for a few seconds?"
"Ah, sorry" Juyeon says, still half laughing, and puts a hand on Changmin's shoulder as if to calm him, though he knows Changmin isn't seriously mad or anything. "Sorry, it was just funny how you were trying to look cool like that."
Changmin makes a noise of complaint and hits Juyeon's arm playfully.
"It's not funny! This is how we're supposed to look!"
"I know, but you're usually so cute, it made me laugh seeing you acting that way." Juyeon's brain catches up with his mouth a second too late, and he can feel a blush working its way to his cheeks when he realizes what he said. But he doesn't regret it at all so he just smiles, eyes almost closing, so fond.
"I wasn't being cute!" Changmin hits him again, with that incredulous smile he makes when he's annoyed at someone's antics but not really in a bad way, and Juyeon laughs as he takes a step back. "I can also look cool when I want to, it's not just you!"
"I know that, you're always the coolest on stage" Juyeon says while he tries to hold on to Changmin's arm to stop him. Changmin pauses for a second and looks at him, and maybe Juyeon is not imagining the pink tint on his cheeks. "I didn't mean it like that, it was just cute how you're acting now."
"Ah, Lee Juyeon, you're so annoying. Let's just keep dancing" Changmin says with a sigh, but he doesn't move, and Juyeon suddenly notices how close their faces are. He lets his gaze drop down to Changmin's lips for half a second before moving back to start the music once more, heart beating faster than he'd like.
But Changmin doesn't say anything else, so they practice the whole dance break again.
And when they get to the end, Juyeon tries to keep his expression unwavering, even if he still melts inside from how cute Changmin is, and how intense and cool he can be. It goes really well, and he thinks it's going to be amazing if they can do it just like that on camera.
But then all of a sudden Changmin moves his arm —the other still against Juyeon's chest— and slides it around Juyeon's waist, pulling him close with a sharp movement before he has time to react. One of Juyeon's hands stays trapped between them, the other moving fast to clutch at Changmin's sleeve in an attempt to stabilize them, but they're not falling. Changmin just keeps them there, almost in an embrace, and he looks up at Juyeon with eyes so serious and intense he feels a chill run through his spine.
"Was that still cute?" He asks, and Juyeon isn't understanding the situation fast enough. All he knows is that Changmin's arm around his waist feels warm, and that they're so close he has to look down so there's nothing there but Changmin. His brain tries to catch up, and Changmin just waits, giving him time like he always does, his gaze not once leaving Juyeon's eyes.
"A little" he says with a small smile after a while, just to tease, because no that wasn't cute, that was incredibly attractive. Changmin frowns slightly and moves his hand slowly from Juyeon's chest to the back of his neck, leaving a trace of electricity everywhere he touches.
"You're really frustrating, you know that?" Changmin murmurs, and Juyeon's eyes search his face for any traces of emotion he can use to interpret what's going on; but they find Changmin's lips instead and now he can't look away. "You keep staying close and sometimes you look at me like you want something more too, but then I can't tell if you just find me cute like you would find a kitten cute or if it's something different."
Juyeon takes a sharp breath, his gaze meeting Changmin's once again, and the longing he finds on it it's mirrored by his own. So he moves his hand to grip Changmin's shoulder too, holding onto him like he's gonna disappear if he doesn't, too good to be nothing but a dream. He tries to say something, but words don't come out so fast and instead he just stares and watches the way Changmin's gaze drops to his lips, pulse going impossibly fast. For a second it feels like both of them are leaning in, but the distance is still there.
"Changmin" Juyeon says, words finally finding their way out, spilling out of his heart once he removes the barrier of uncertainty. "Changmin, can I kiss you?"
"Yes" Changmin almost hisses, his eyes going wide and meeting Juyeon's own, but not for long because then he's closing them and actually leaning in. So Juyeon closes the remaining distance between them and presses their lips together.
At first is a soft touch, slow enough that he has time to process that it's actually happening, and then it turns a little rougher. Changmin kisses him like he's been wanting to do it for as long as Juyeon has, like Juyeon is fresh water in an ocean of salt, moving his hand from his waist to the back of his head, tangling his fingers on Juyeon's hair.
And he answers in the same way, mind dizzy and feeling warm all over. He bites softly on Changmin's bottom lip and then runs his tongue over it, stars flooding his every though as the kiss deepens. Juyeon circles Changmin's waist with one arm, imitating his move from before, and presses him flush against his chest. They stay like that until they need to stop and take a breath, and Changmin's body feels so right in Juyeon's arms that he almost melts to the floor.
They stare into each other's eyes for a long moment, Juyeon feeling a smile slowly stretching his lips, and then Changmin hides his face on Juyeon's chest, hugging him tight.
"You know, I don't mind if you keep thinking I'm cute, not if it's like this. I like it like this." Changmin smiles against his shirt, his ears red, and Juyeon hugs back with all of his strength, affection coating every little movement, still not entirely believing it's real.
"You're always cute to me, but you're also always so much more, in every sense."
Changmin leans away from the hug and holds Juyeon's face between his hands, so small and so soft.
"We still have to be serious for the performance."
Juyeon laughs, and Changmin shuts him up by kissing him again.
They still need to keep dancing, and Juyeon loves that too, because it's always Changmin and him. It's always two of his favorite things together, even when it's hard. He wants it to be like that forever.
And there, in the artificial light of the practice room, with Changmin's arms around him, smiles pressed together, Juyeon thinks that yeah, maybe some things are worth waiting for.