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Cool, like the ocean winds. The winter breeze kisses Suguru’s face and he takes it in, refreshing his lungs. He’s present. He’s alive.
“Hey,” Satoru’s soft voice says which causes him to open the eyes he didn’t realise were closed.
“Hey,” responds Suguru. His eyes are stuck to the sparkling night sky above him. “How long have you been here?”
“When did you finish smoking?”
So, Satoru has been standing by his side on this balcony for ten minutes without Suguru even noticing.
“Good smoke?” Satoru then asks to which Suguru shakes his head.
“They never are. That Kenjaku guy stopped smoking when he took over my body so I guess I’m not used to it anymore?”
The speculation doesn’t lead anywhere. Satoru allows the words to float off and disappear into the air like the hot breath from their lips in the winter cold. Suguru’s fingertips brush over the scarred skin of his forehead tentatively. He closes his eyes again.
Maybe if Suguru closes them long enough, soaking himself into the purple hues of the night sky, if he can sleep deeply enough, he won’t be stuck in this reality.
Like falling asleep and never waking up.
“Itadori mentioned your cursed energy feeling familiar,” Satoru says, waking him up. Suguru turns to face him, but he’s staring blankly at the cityscape below. “Like the patchwork curse - Mahito.”
Memories of the curse in question flicker in Suguru’s mind briefly. Memories that are not his.
“Yeah…He’s the curse born from humanity’s hatred,” Suguru tells Satoru. He still has his fingers on his scar. “His technique can change the shape of one’s soul and therefore one’s body.”
“Really? How does that work?”
Suguru shrugs. “I think he reaches into your soul and moulds it. But that means the soul is a tangible thing that you can feel. It’s what Kenjaku did to your kid’s sister.”
“So he could feel the soul…” ponders Satoru.
Suguru nods. He is ready to leave the conversation at that, until Satoru grabs his hand, clutching it tight.
“Wha—?”
Satoru is positively beaming at him. Suguru can see stars in his eyes and behind his wide smile.
“Can you feel my soul?” Satoru asks in awestruck wonder. The hushed amazement in his voice has Suguru flushed red from head to toe. “Please?”
Did Satoru have the time to become polite when he was dead? Suguru wishes he could bite back with a taunting response but all that comes out of his mouth is a shaky breath.
“O-Okay.”
Gently, Satoru brings the hand that he’s clutching to his own chest. Suguru immediately feels the soft beating of his heart. It’s uncharacteristically tranquil. The Satoru he knew was so full of energy, buzzing day and night. But now, on this December night, Satoru shrouds Suguru with a calmness that makes him lull in bliss.
So, Suguru shuts his eyes, bringing his forehead to Satoru’s. He briefly wonders if he will wake up. It’s like he’s sinking; the world around him fades to black and the noise dials down into nothingness.
Then, Suguru opens his eyes.
Space. He’s in the centre of it all: the vastness of the endless cosmos. It bombards him, with purples and blues dancing around his figure.
It’s too much.
But then it mellows, and only now does Suguru really see.
The purples and blues have nuances he did not first realise. Under the tips of his fingers, he feels the stars of Satoru’s soul sparkle like precious gems. He counts each one of them, learning them by heart. They’re warm in his hands, just like Satoru’s gentle heartbeat.
“Your soul is the infinity of space,” Suguru says softly. He opens his eyes, meeting Satoru’s bright blue ones. “It‘s like your eyes: endlessly complex but I get it. If that makes any sense.”
Satoru hums. Then, in a move Suguru doesn’t see coming, Satoru mirrors his actions, bringing his palm to Suguru’s heart. He closes his eyes and listens.
“Are you going to tell me what mine feels like?” Suguru asks.
“Hmmm,” Satoru mulls, pulling away momentarily. “Okay. But you have to promise to give me something.”
This bastard. “Why must you be difficult all the time?” Suguru scolds, pouting.
“Rich coming from you,” laughs Satoru. “Do you promise?”
Despite himself, Suguru smiles and nods.
Satoru takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, he finds himself standing on top of an expansive ocean. There are no islands nearby, just the nighttime loneliness of the cold blue sea.
Under his bare feet, Satoru can feel the movement of sea creatures, obscured by the ocean surface. They are shadows lurking in the dark.
Satoru should feel wary but he doesn’t. Even as the ocean swallows him whole, pulling him from its surface to complete submersion, Satoru just floats.
The curses Suguru has ingested are all here, or at least the ones he has left. They swim by him and he watches them go until they’re no longer visible.
That is until a small curse comes up and nudges Satoru’s hand. It looks at him curiously, then nudges him some more. It doesn’t take long for Satoru to realise that the curse wants to play.
There’s something remarkably familiar about these curses. They don’t feel foreign nor are they hostile.
They all are Suguru.
“ Your soul - it’s like an ocean, I think,” Satoru says when he finally opens his eyes. “It’s vast. And dark. And calm. It wasn’t like that when the other guy had taken over you.”
“Did you think I was gone?”
Satoru shakes his head. “No. You were still there…but the ocean was violent. It was you but it wasn’t, if that makes any sense.”
Suguru hums, neither agreeing or disagreeing.
“And even though the ocean is mostly undiscovered, I understand yours completely too,” Satoru goes on to say. “Guess we’re the same like that.”
“I guess we are.”
“I never needed a cursed technique to know what your soul feels like,” Satoru whispers. “I still don’t.”
Suguru laughs. Satoru has never been this candid, he thinks. It gets him all weirdly flustered. “I’m sorry it took this long for me to know yours,” Suguru says.
Satoru shrugs. “I think you always knew. At least, you’d know when something was off. That’s how it was with me. I didn’t realise I knew yours until that guy had robbed it from you.”
“Still.” He smiles genuinely in what feels like the first time in forever. “What did you want from me?”
“A promise,” Satoru says.
Suguru looks at him expectantly. Satoru in response brings Suguru’s hand to his chest and looks him in the eyes.
“Don’t leave, again,” Satoru pleads. “I know you’re adjusting to being back and you’re still looking for your girls but…” Satoru breaks eye contact and sighs. “I can’t lose you again for a second time.”
“Satoru…” What should Suguru say? What can Suguru say? “I can’t promise that.”
“At least promise me for now. Just stay… Please.”
Shakily, Suguru whispers, “Okay.”
“Okay.”
It’s so quiet that anyone else wouldn’t notice but Suguru does. It’s only for a fraction of a second but Suguru feels it. When Satoru brings his lips to Suguru’s, he feels their souls clash and merge in that moment.
Infinite starry skies reflected against the wide ocean’s surface.
His eyes blink open and there in front of him is Satoru, who’s smiling brightly like the stars of his own soul.
“Merry Christmas Suguru. With all things considered, I’m glad you’re here to celebrate this one,” he says.
As the clock strikes midnight on Christmas Day, Satoru pulls himself away from Suguru to look up at the night and its infinite stars dotting the black sky.