Work Text:
Heeseung suddenly stops in his track after he takes a step into the room. In the middle of his shared apartment with Jaeyun and Riki, there's Sunoo and the rest of his friends. This is not a weird occurrence, their apartment, more often than not, is the group go-to place to meet up. What catches Heeseung's attention is the clothes on Sunoo's body.
Seeing Sunoo wearing a comfy green plaid pajama top shouldn't affect Heeseung this much. Honestly, he won't feel anything, if only it isn't the exact copy he owns.
It started with their annual Secret Santa. Unlike last year where they wasted their money on useless gifts for each other, they had reached a new agreement. If Heeseung was allowed to be completely honest, the cockroach necklace from last year's gift exchange was legendary and maybe the prospect of getting other insects related gifts from Sunoo had been one of the major factors they decided on buying each other something useful instead this year.
Everything under 30,000 won was a fair game, as long as it's something the recipient needed and it had to be either in green or red.
Heeseung took out his gift and gave it to Riki who then eagerly wrestled with the wrapping paper and ribbon.
"Hyung, you're giving me your used stuff?" he whined as he held the piece of clothing. Heeseung rolled his eyes and pointed out the tag hanging on the shirt. "It's brand new, brat!"
Everyone laughed at their childish exchanges.
"Wait, does it mean I have a couple pajamas with you? Ew."
"Riki," Heeseung uttered calmly, "stay there, I'm going to whoop your ass."
Exactly a week later, sitting not too far from Heeseung, Sunoo is laughing as his hands sways from side to side. Jungwon and him are cheering slash teasing Sunghoon who successfully fails trying to rap in English. Sunoo is drowning in the too big plaid top and Heeseung might be losing his mind soon if he has to see the sight for a second longer, so he quietly goes to the bathroom, leaving the noisy room.
It shouldn't upset him so much, yet the thought of Sunoo wearing Riki's or other people's clothes makes him nauseous. He knows he's being totally irrational here, all of them are close friends, it's totally normal to borrow and use each other's things, clothes included. Hell, even Jongseong borrowed his toothbrush once when he slept over. So, there's nothing to be upset about, really.
Heeseung blames his over reaction on the interaction diet they go through. They, Heeseung chuckles humorlessly. As if Sunoo has any saying in this fucking decision, because this all is his own fault.
Yes, Heeseung has stopped himself from initiating any interaction with Sunoo after they broke up.
No, he doesn't do it because he can't move on, thank you very much, next question.
They're still hanging out together with the rest of the group, but there's none of the casual touches and friendly banters and teasing they used to have back then when they're still friends before they even dated. Heeseung feels he doesn't have the right to do all of that. He tells himself that Sunoo is not a big fan of skinship. and Heeseung as a good friend and ex-boyfriend should respect that.
He acts as if he isn't one of the witnesses of Sunghoon teasingly poking every part of Sunoo until the younger glares at him with a barely concealed pout. Heesung also has mastered the art of turning a blind eye whenever Jaeyun casually ruffles Sunoo's hair just because he can. Or when Riki literally without any shame turns Sunoo, who grumbles at first yet cave a few minutes later, into his personal cuddle plushie. Or how Jungwon and Sunoo are always in their own world, Jungwon's arm around Sunoo's shoulder as hushed whispers are exchanged. Or how Jongseong's hand rests easily on Sunoo's waist when they stand next to each other.
It doesn't make sense, he's also one of Sunoo's close friends, Heeseung knows he can get away with a soft pinch on his cheek or a pat on his shoulder but he doesn't do that. He joins the teasing sometimes, but shy away from any physical touch. He doesn't trust himself enough to stop before he craves for more and then crosses the line.
Fuck, Heeseung painfully realizes for the umpteenth times in a long year of his continuous denial, he hasn't moved on yet.
Speak of the devil and here he comes knocking on the door and calling out his name so softly, "Heesung-hyung?"
Heeseung holds his breath as if that will stop Sunoo from asking further questions. He looks at his own reflection at the mirror, god, he looks like he barely alive.
"Are you okay? The rest are worried for you." The younger asks from the other side of the closed bathroom door.
What about you? Did you get worried as well?
Heeseung bites his lips, stopping himself from acting stupid. He takes a deep breath before answering the younger's question.
"I'm okay, my stomach hurts a bit, but it's fine now."
"Oh, that's good."
The piece of wood between them can't even hide the obvious relief from Sunoo's voice, and Heeseung's heart clenches at that.
Sunoo never changes, easy to read and easy to love. That's why back then it was Heeseung who suggested them to break up, because he could see how heartbroken the younger was whenever Heeseung did something stupid. And Heeseung had no one to blame but himself for all the promises he had broken and their first anniversary that he foolishly had forgotten.
"Hyung."
Heeseung forces himself to stop revisiting all the mistakes he has made. He takes a step closer to the door, this way he can pretend that they're standing in front of each other without anything in between.
"This is the only clean shirt Riki has. I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable."
Don't apologize.
The younger continues with a dejected tone when his apology meets with silence, "I totally forget you have the same one. I'll change it as soon as my shirt is done drying."
No need to change your shirt.
No, change it to mine instead.
What if you become mine as well?
"It's okay, Sunoo. It's not a big deal."
Maybe he can convince both Sunoo and himself that there's nothing wrong with him, with them.
"Hyung, can I see you?"
Heesung's first instinct is to reject the request, yet his hand automatically reaches out for the door knob. He always can't deny what Sunoo wants, mostly because he feels obliged to obey since the younger rarely asks for something to him.
Heeseung is greeted by a close up sight of Sunoo in the damned plaid green shirt. If only he's wearing mine, his brain supplies. Heeseung shakes his head to erase the thought, not realizing the younger who taking a step closer to him.
"Stop me if I read the signs wrong."
Heeseung blurts out confusedly reading what? then a warm body engulfs him in a hug.
Oh .
Heeseung's hands shot up to his ex-boyfriend's waist, you know to balance himself, so they don't fall straight to the floor. No, not because he has missed any physical touch between the two of them.
"I miss you."
"I miss you too, hyung."