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“Are you sure about this?”
Michelle snickers, Peter grinning as he lets her lead him through the roof door– hearing the soft click of it behind him. He probably should care more about someone finding them up here, dead of heat in the middle of summer.
They weren’t even really supposed to be at Midtown, the school having the bright idea of having everyone go back to school after their trip instead of having their parents pick them up at the airport at the last minute.
Predictably, the traffic in summer was horrendous– causing May to still be about thirty minutes out and Michelle’s dad still at LaGuardia, having never gotten the memo in the first place.
Peter doesn’t really mind, exhausted from a long flight and an even longer trip, fingers interlocked with hers as she leads him towards a spot closer to the edge.
“What are they gonna do? Give us detention? She asks with a smirk, Peter laughing to himself as he shrugs– never once letting go of her hand.
It’s new, this thing between them– just the feel of her hand in his making his stomach flutter in a way that’s not so dissimilar to what it felt like to swing around the city in freefall.
“They might,” Peter jokes, letting go of her hand so she can sit– mirroring her as he seats himself by her. He watches as she leans back, closing her eyes and letting the sun’s rays cast shadows across her face.
She really was really pretty, breathtakingly so Peter thought– even if that was only a fraction of the things that he liked about her.
“You gonna keep staring or are you gonna finally relax?” She asks without even opening her eyes, Peter laughing as he finally does the same– laying down so that they’re shoulder to shoulder.
The asphalt underneath him is warm, but not uncomfortable– closing his eyes and feeling the heat of the sun on his face.
There was a slight breeze up here, the city’s sounds fading away into the distance.
Quiet. Peaceful.
Just the thing he needed.
They lay there in silence for a while, long enough that Peter can start to zone in on his surroundings in a way that’s soothing rather than overwhelming.
He can still hear the buzzing of the city beneath him but he can also pick up the hum of the mosquitos across the yard, can hear Mr. Dell arguing with Mr. Harrington and Flash talking to his followers on his phone– tuning in and out before he finally focuses in on the person breathing next to him.
A heartbeat tapping out in a rhythm that almost matches his.
“You were right,” he whispers, almost regretting breaking the silence between him.
That regret is quickly washed away when he feels Michelle reach her hand out over to his, opening his eyes and looking over to her as he takes it.
Her eyes are still closed, face still pointed to the sky and with a look of serenity that Peter thinks– in the twelve or so hours that they’ve officially been together– he’s already sure he’ll never get tired of.
“I usually am,” she whispers back, Peter grinning and squeezing her hand gently.
She opens her eyes, looking over to him and it takes Peter breath away– leaning in on an instinct that feels so new and yet so very right .
When her lips press against his, he can still taste the raspberry of her chapstick.
When she leans back and looks at him with a smile, Peter thinks that he already might be a little in love with her.
Peter is laying up on the rooftop, looking up at the same sky in the same place and yet feeling so very different.
Ned is still talking about MIT and the possibility of them being roommates, a dream that he desperately hopes actually becomes true.
He can’t get the look on Michelle’s face out of his mind, the way that she seemed so concerned and so adamant that you should expect disappointment so you don’t get disappointed.
It hits him then, how little he knows about why she thinks the way that she does– knows so little about the older sister that she refuses to talk about and knows even less about why she’s had such a hard time getting close to people.
He doesn’t know but he wants to, wants even more that he had the chance to really get to know his girlfriend without the entire world wanting to know everything about her too.
“Peter?”
“Hmm?” He says, realizing now that both Ned and Michelle are looking at him expectantly– sitting up as he glances between the two of them.
“Well?”
“Sorry… what was the question?” He asks, Ned snorting as Michelle gives him a look.
“I asked if you thought about taking up Mr. Delmar on his offer to help out,” Michelle asks, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.
“I mean, yeah, I have,” Peter thinks, picking at one of his shoelaces absentmindedly. “It’d help me and May out but I’m also just worried that’ll give him a whole lot more unwanted attention you know?”
“MJ works at Peter Pan’s and it’s been… mostly not terrible,” Ned offers as helpfully as he can, Peter looking at him as he sheepishly smiles.
“Honestly more terrible because of Jerry than any of the customers,” she says with a shrug, Peter turning over to her as she continues, “He can’t tell the difference between me and Sasha.”
“Are you sure there’s not–”
“I’m not gonna quit my job just because some assholes like to come in every so often and ask me a bunch of questions about my boyfriend,” she says, Peter frowning at how nonchalant she seems about it. “Not any different than walking down the street anyway.”
“MJ, it is different,” Peter counters, watching in frustration as she and Ned share a look. “They wouldn’t be bothering you if it wasn’t for me.”
“If it wasn’t for Mysterio ,” she corrects, Ned nodding in approval.
“Dude, come on. You know we don’t blame you for what happened,” Ned says, Peter feeling the frown on his face deepen and seeing Michelle squint out of the corner of his eye.
“You shouldn’t blame yourself either,” she interjects, Peter eyes dancing over to her before he purses his lips.
“I just wish I could go back, you know? Before I ever gave him those glasses or ever went on that trip–”
“Hey, hey,” Michelle says, unfurling her arm around her legs and extending a hand out to him and resting it on his arm. Her hand is warm, grounding as she holds his gaze.
“I wouldn’t change a thing,” she says, nodding once to him and then to Ned. “Neither of us would.”
“She’s right, man,” Ned says, Peter looking over to him. “We’re with you. Always.”
Peter smiles, or tries to– feeling like he doesn’t deserve the unreserved loyalty from the two of them. Not when knowing him had only made their lives so much more difficult.
Not when it was all Peter’s fault to begin with.
“What we won’t be doing is paying for your sorry ass when we go see Rogers the Musical ,” Ned says seriously, getting a laugh out of Peter as he shifts his arm so that he can take Michelle’s hand into his.
“I can’t believe you really want to go to that,” Michelle says as Peter runs a thumb over her palm, seeing the smile on her face as Ned snorts.
“I can’t believe you thought I was joking ,” he counters, the two of them devolving into banter back and forth.
There’s a storm in his heart, a storm in the city outside and the remnants of clouds in the sky that indicate the quiet shift to fall.
Up here though, away from everything and everyone else– it was quiet.
Peaceful.
Just the thing he needed.
Peter lands on the rooftop, lightly even if every part of him feels weighed down– barely aware of where exactly he was heading right up until the moment he arrived.
This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. It runs over and over like a loop in his mind, like a skipped track that can’t find it’s way back to where it’s supposed to be.
A lot like Peter feels, in the moment.
His vision is blurry as he sinks down to the cold pavement beneath him, staring off into the distance but not really seeing anything at all.
He can’t see anything because his mind is still wrapped up in what he’s just left– he left her – an ache in his chest and a tightness in his lungs at the reality that he’s allowed himself to lose someone else.
Not just someone.
May .
“It’s just me and you,” she’d told him years ago– from the first time she’d said it when he first came to live with her, to the next time when he was shivering under a shock blanket– Ben’s blood still caked underneath his fingernails.
She said it again to him, sophomore year after the ferry– the words feeling bitter in his mouth now as he grinds his teeth, feeling the tears that he’s already shed all over his face and building up like pressure behind his eyes.
It’s just me and you , he’d promised her but that had been a lie hadn’t it? To say that it was just them, when he left her, he left her, he left –
Peter’s barely aware of the footsteps that come up behind him, looking to his left and then seeing the two of them– Ned coming up on his other side as Michelle leans down.
He immediately feels the weight of their arms wrapped around him, the tears that he hadn’t really bothered to try and hide now coming in full force as they press in around him– a sob escaping him as he clutches at him tighter.
Peter can’t make sense of it, how much he’s lost in his life– how many times that he’ll be forced to watch the people he loves die in front of him, how many times he’ll be forced to hear when someone’s heartbeat stops.
He closes his eyes tight, clutching at Ned and Michelle and takes a deep breath– hearing their heartbeats and feeling– just for the moment– less impossibly alone.
Up here, away from everything and everyone else– it was quiet.
Peaceful.
Just the thing he needed.
Peter takes a deep breath, watching the snow lightly fall all around him.
He shouldn’t be up here, for a lot of different reasons, but he can’t help himself– thinking of the last time he’d been on this rooftop.
Thinking of the two had been right up here with him.
It’s been three weeks since everything, a brand new year and a chill in the air. New Years was supposed to signify change, a promise of a future and of all the things that could still unfold.
There’s a bitterness that Peter feels then, of how much his future is upended because of his own mistakes– of how he’ll be ringing in the new year alone .
He closes his eyes, lets the bitterness sit in his chest for a one, two, three seconds before letting it go– exhaling and opening his eyes as he glances out over the snowy scene.
He may not have the future he had planned but he still had one, thinking of May and of the last words that she’d told him– of the words now forever etched on her gravestone that feel like an imprint on his heart.
When you help someone, you help everyone.
He looks out over the city and for the first time in weeks, he doesn’t feel alone– the memories of all the people who have ever loved him washing over him as he presses his lips together, the vaguest hint of a smile on his face.
They may not remember this place, just as they don’t remember him– but Peter’s committed to keeping it alive, the memory of the love that they shared and of the life they had forever a promise that he’ll keep if only to himself.
He won’t push himself back into their lives, not when they’re just about to start on a brand new path free from any kind of problems or trouble.
But he’ll remember them, keep watch– thinking of how happy that Ned and Michelle looked out of the window of Peter Pan’s.
He’ll remember them.
Just like he’ll remember this.
Up here, away from everything and everyone else– it was quiet.
Peaceful.
Peter sighs.
Just the thing he needed.